Solstice II spring & summer
by samhaincat
Summary: 6th year, Harry develops an uncontrollable new power & performs an unforgivable. A terrible injury occurs as he and Draco are captured by Death Eaters, the injury leaves Harry devastatedDraco is severely traumatized. Snape & Tonks help. No Slash. Complete
1. painful words

**A/N:** _THANK you so much to all of you for your continuous reviews and prodding to start the sequel. It will be quite the wild ride for both Harry and Draco and subsequently Snape. I must say, however, that my updates will slow down considerably - likely to once a month - because it's spring and I LOVE being outdoors, so I have a hard time being inside during the spring and summer months._

_One little explanation to Draco lovers, you might be a bit angry at me for his actions, but please keep in mind that the boy has spent his whole life with death eaters as his role models. He has been taught hatred, bigotry, superiority and arrogance. It will take him a while to conquer those internal demons. He is, of course, showing progress, but his 'default' is still to lash out and to be nasty._

_As for our dear Harry, what happens in this first chapter is the beginning of a frightening new power that will lead to a lot of heartache for him and those who love and care for him. BUT in the long run it will make him stronger for the battles he must safe._

_**Special thanks and lots of gratitude to my wonderful beta: staporize**_

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter One - Painful Words**

The month of February came on with lots of rain and windstorms. Although it was relatively mild during the days, it was very damp later on, and the dampness crept into one's bones. The nights were chilling and the students of Hogwarts huddled in their common rooms around the fireplaces.

All the professors seemed to be handing out extra homework, and many nights were spent studying. On occasion, Hermione dragged Draco, Harry, and Ron into the Room of Requirement to study. Some days they all got along well, but on other occasions the years of animosity crept up between them all. The rivalry between Harry and Draco during Quidditch matches was still strong, although Gryffindor hadn't played Slytherin yet. Harry and Draco had both been successful for their respective teams in catching the snitch in games against Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, which resulted in Slytherin and Gryffindor being tied for first place and increased the animosity and rivalry between the two houses.

Professor Sprout had to leave at the end of January for health reasons, but she was expected to recover and return for the fall term. Much to Ron and Ginny's horror, Molly Weasley temporarily took over as the head of house for Hufflepuff as well as Professor of Herbology. When Ron once disrupted the combined Gryffindor/Slytherin class, Professor Weasley yelled at him in front of everyone, giving him detention and completely embarrassing him. Draco couldn't resist verbalizing the nasty comment that sprang to mind, immediately earning himself a detention also. He kept his mouth shut after that, resorting instead to malevolent glares. Sharing detention and having to spend hours repotting humungous Delinim prickly cacti from which a variety of complex potions could be brewed didn't add anything to the relationship between the two. Draco accidentally bumped the plant into Ron's arm, covering it in sharp prickles. Ron was convinced he had done it on purpose, and when the shouting match developed, Mrs. Weasley slammed a ruler down hard on the desk, making both almost jump out of their skins.

She waved it in the air in a threatening manner. "I warned you both to be quiet or you will be sorry!" she shrieked loudly.

They quieted down and eyed her warily after that. Draco whispered to Ron, "She wouldn't actually use that on us, would she?"

"If she got mad enough she might, but luckily it's not allowed." Then he slyly turned his head and, grinning so Draco wouldn't realize he was only kidding, added, "But since she's only a temp and doing Dumbledore a favour, she might not care about the repercussions."

Draco snorted. "She'd have to answer to Snape in my case."

Ron laughed softly as they worked. "Do you really think my mum would be intimidated by Snape? She'd yell at him and convince him that you earned it."

Draco paled slightly, his brow furrowing with worry. Much to Ron's amusement, Draco was the exemplary student in Herbology from then on.

"Concentrate!" Lupin said in a tone louder than he normally used. He was becoming increasingly frustrated with the four teenagers standing in front of him. So frustrated, in fact, that he was ready to hand each one of them a week-long detention with Filch. Ron and Hermione kept bickering like an old married couple, but only when Ron wasn't busy hurling insults at Draco, who had started the tension by insulting Ron's jumper. Harry had defended Ron, infuriating Draco, who in turn lashed back. If they were younger, Lupin would have made each stand in a corner for a time out – in fact, the thought was tempting even now.

He had spent the last month giving them private lessons in the more advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts along with Snape, Tonks, and McGonagall, each one contributing his/her own special talents. He was presently working on strengthening their Patronus skills. Hermione and Harry were at the front of the class, although Harry was struggling harder than usual. Ron was able to conjure up a weak charging bull, but it dissipated too rapidly to be effective. Draco was having the most trouble. Although he was usually skilled in the Defense Against the Dark Arts, he apparently had few truly happy moments to draw on to conjure up a Patronus, leaving him frustrated and embarrassed. Adding to his humiliation was the boggart, which kept turning into his father brandishing his cane, causing Draco to involuntarily whimper and shrink back. Hermione's heart went out to him, but she knew if she tried to reach out to him he'd react with hostility. Draco's struggle also drew pity from the other three, which added to his already defensive mood. Lupin decided to offer him private lessons after the class ended so he wouldn't feel so ashamed in front of the others. Before he had a chance to do so, Harry spoke up.

"Look Malfoy, err, Draco, why don't you focus on last Christmas when Snape got custody of you?"

Draco bristled at Harry's attempt to help. He had tried focusing on that moment, but his feelings at the time were intermingled with feelings of despair that his mother had surrendered him so quickly after his father had almost beaten him to death. He threw Potter a piercing glare.

Harry was puzzled by Draco's reaction. He had felt so bad for him as the Lucius boggart grew more and more threatening each time it emerged, causing Draco to shake uncontrollably. The look of utter fear and heartbreak on Draco's face made a mound of sympathy well up in him. "If not that, then how about when you found out that Snape wasn't going to die? You were happy then."

"Just shut up, Potter! I can do this by myself! I don't need some wonder boy coaching me along or offering his pity!"

Harry's anger spiked at Draco's unreasonable resentment. "Fine, Malfoy," he spat. "If you're too immature to accept help when offered, then it's time to start taking responsibility for yourself and focus on something that makes you happy!"

"I always take responsibility for myself! I think things through. At least I haven't been responsible for getting someone I cared about killed," he drawled viciously. A stab of pain vibrated through Harry's heart.

"Sod off, Malfoy!" he replied angrily, his green eyes blazing.

Suddenly, a horrendous pain shot through his head. He sank to his knees, his hand over his scar. He couldn't prevent the painful grown that escaped his lips. The pain was overwhelming, as if any second now his head would burst open. His stomach heaved and, with a whimper, he threw up. He could faintly hear voices calling his name, but he was too incoherent with agony to respond. Draco, having turned quite ashen, knelt down beside him when he collapsed. A strange feeling gnawed at him, and he realized he actually felt guilty for what he had said.

"Get away from him, Malfoy," Ron snarled.

Draco was looking up at him angrily when Ron's fist shot out, connecting with Draco's nose. He heard a crack and blood came gushing out. The smell of blood caused Harry to double over retching again.

Lupin sank down beside Harry. "Ron, you will face detention for that. Now go get Professor Snape. Hermione, please help Draco. Draco, I hope you realize now that nasty words have consequences. You can expect a detention also." Lupin had an arm around Harry and gently tried to lift him to his feet.

"Come on, Harry. We need to get you to the hospital wing. Hermione, please use the towel over there to apply some pressure to Draco's nose so it will stop bleeding. When it has stopped, bring him to the hospital wing." Lupin kept trying to get Harry on his feet, but the boy's breathing was shallow and his hand tightly gripped his scar. "It's okay, Harry, you'll feel better soon," he promised quietly as he rubbed his back. Harry was white as a sheet and it was obvious he was in a great deal of pain. He resisted Lupin's efforts to stand him up and instead curled into a ball, hoping he would pass out.

Snape rushed in. "What happened?"

Draco looked down, flinching, the towel still over his nose. Hermione reapplied the pressure and once again his head was forced up.

"I'm not sure. Draco said some very cruel things and Harry replied, but then he collapsed. It's been a few moments, but the pain has yet to ease."

Snape threw a quick angry glance at Draco, who swallowed and looked very guilty.

Snape then ignored him as he focused his attention on Harry. He tried to get Harry to open his eyes, but only received a whimper in return. The boy was white, his skin covered in a fine sheen of cold sweat.

Snape reached down, putting one arm under his shoulders and the other under his knees, picked him up, and headed for the hospital wing. Lupin followed right behind.

Hermione reluctantly helped Draco to his feet. She was furious at him for having said what he had to Harry. Ron glared at him. "You better stay away from him!"

Draco bristled at the threatening words. "Or what? You'll give me a black eye, maybe two? You caught me off guard, Weasley. Trust me, it won't happen again!"

"Draco, don't you know when to shut up?" Hermione asked him angrily.

Draco glared at her and would have retorted with something mean, but his nose hurt so much that he had to breathe through his mouth, so he clammed up.

None of them spoke. Draco realized how worried they were about Potter. He felt bad for having said what he did, but sometimes he felt so angry and frustrated because Potter always came out ahead. As soon as they got into the hospital wing, Hermione dropped him off on and empty bed and made a beeline, along with Ron, over to Potter. Madam Pomfrey however, hustled them out.

She stopped briefly, lifting Draco's chin and expertly examined his nose, which resulted in a groan from him. "You'll live. You can wait while I take care of Potter." She immediately turned to do just that.

He got up and walked over to Potter, who was surrounded by Lupin, Snape and Pomfrey. Snape looked up briefly. "Get back to your bed," he ordered.

Draco glared at him resentfully, his eyes wandering down to the black-haired figure on the bed.

"Do I have to repeat myself? Or do you require an escort?" Snape asked in a dangerous, irritated voice. Draco glanced briefly into the dark, narrowed eyes and looked down, shaking his head. He knew that Snape was furious with him, but he hadn't meant to hurt Potter! Surely Snape knew that?

His nose had stopped bleeding, but it still hurt. Stupid Weasley! He crept under the blankets and lay down, propped up against the pillows. After a while, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He opened his yes to find Snape in front of him holding a vial of Skeletheal. "Drink."

Draco took it, but before swallowing spoke: "I didn't mean to hurt Harry."

Snape sighed. "Nevertheless you did. You need to work on controlling your words."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I believe so. Although we know that your words triggered his pain, we still do not know _why_ this happened. "

Curled up on the hospital bed, Harry finally stared to feel a little better, the pressure in his head easing up a bit. Despite his weak protests, Snape had forcibly removed his hands from his scar and had applied something cool. He realized now that the hand on the back of his neck most likely belonged to Lupin. Pomfrey had been the one forcing him to swallow potions.

"Harry can you stretch out a bit?" Lupin asked gently. With a shaky breath, being careful not to jar his head, Harry slowly stretched out his legs and straightened his body.

"What's happened to Potter?" came McGonagall's voice from the door as she hurried to his side.

"We're not entirely sure. Draco had riled him up and next thing we knew he was on the floor in agony, apparently from his scar."

"Potter, as soon as you feel up to it, you need to tell us exactly what happened," came Snape's deep voice.

He whispered, "Okay." He didn't want to think about what had happened. He just wanted to sink into darkness so that the pain would go away. He was so tired.

Pomfrey handed Minerva a vial and nodded her head in Draco's direction. She took it over to him. "What happened to your face?" she asked, shocked to see the blood.

"Weasley broke my nose," he answered quietly.

"I see," was her only response. She transfigured something on the nightstand into a bowl of warm water. "Let's clean you up a bit, then."

She grabbed a washcloth, dipped it into the water, and gently wiped off all the blood. She also gave the vial to drink that would, over the next few hours, repair his nose.

He looked at her with worried eyes. "I didn't mean for something like this to happen."

"I'm glad to hear that, and you can tell Mr. Potter yourself when he's feeling a bit better, but now you need to get some rest and let the potion do its job."

"Can I go back to my room?" he pleaded with her. Knowing how much hated being the hospital wing, she nodded. When everyone's attention was on back Potter, he left.

A few hours later, Harry woke up and he reached over to the nightstand and put on his glasses. All the pain he had felt before rushed back in an onslaught of memory. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Harry?"

He opened his eyes again to find Lupin beside him now. "Are you feeling a bit better?' He nodded, causing Lupin to prompt, "What happened before?"

"I don't know," Harry whispered. "All I know is that I was very angry with Malfoy, but before I could say anything this blinding pain erupted in my head and my eyes."

Lupin patted Harry's shoulder. "Is the pain gone now?'

"Yeah, but it felt like the Cruciatus Curse."

Lupin's brow wrinkled at that. "Have you had any bad dreams lately?"

Harry shook his head slowly, worried that the pain would return with any rapid movements.

Lupin softly cleared his throat. "Could this have something to do with …with Sirius' death? Some after effect?"

"No, I don't think so," Harry replied. Sometimes he still felt so horrible when he thought about Sirius' death that he could hardly stand it, but he never had pain in his scar when it happened.

"Are you hungry?" Lupin asked.

He wearily shook his head. Lupin briefly touched the top of Harry's head. "Get some rest then. I'll check back with you in the morning."

Harry slept until well into the night. When he awoke again, he found Mrs. Weasley by his bedside.

"Harry dear, I was so worried about you when Ron told me what had happened. How are you feeling?" She restlessly stroked the hair on his forehead, fussing over him.

Harry smiled softly. "A bit better, thanks," he answered quietly.

"Do you have any idea why you were in so much pain?"

"No. Maybe Voldemort has found a new way to mess with my head. Or maybe I'm just cursed."

"Shhh Harry. Whatever it is, you know we'll help you through it." She reached down to hug him and he wrapped one arm around her neck and, for a moment, rested his head against her shoulder. When he lay back down again, she softly patted his cheek and placed a kiss on his forehead. "It's very late, dear. Try and get some more sleep. I'll just sit here with you for a bit until you fall asleep again."

He sighed softly, feeling slightly embarrassed, yet unexpectedly warm and safe. He turned on his side towards her and closed his eyes.


	2. truce and turmoil

**A/N:** _Huge thanks to everyone for reviewing! A case of butter beer to whoever can guess which of the 4 teens learns the basics of apparating first._

_Fanes: here you go, more Draco._

_Becca: patience - it won't always be Draco's fault, technically it really wasn't this time either._

_Hp-lover: there will be lots of Harry angst in this fic, oodles of it, I promise._

_Jarie1019: yes Hermione and Draco will grow closer slowly_

_Fallen Angel: Sigh no I unfortunately do not own a laptop._

_Mac: smiles, glad you liked it, loved the long review _

_Kangaroo: Thanks, yup Draco's not quite got the hang of friendship yet…still feeling very insecure with the trio. There will be excitement and adventure..and yes friendly intimate moments also. BUT only once a month update._

_Severa-Lilia: thank you, small Draco/Snape moment for you. There will be a Tonks/Snape romance but it's not the central part of the story. There will be a VERY angsty Snape/Dumbledore scene but not for awhile yet._

_JadynPotter: Actually I know 30 year olds that act like 10 year olds at times. FYI: they are 16 in this story not 17. I have to disagree, Draco would have died as result of Lucius' beating if Dumbledore hadn't saved him. Draco went through months of pain and anguish because of it, deep inside he's terrified of running into Lucius again, remember the whimper was 'involuntary' like a hiccup, he had no control over it. As for Harry why in the world would harry be pissed at Mrs. Weasley. He just experienced some of the worst pain his life. She's taking the place of the mother he never knew, they are alone, no-one is around to see the comfort and reassurance she offers him because she cares about him a lot._

_Snapefan: I like the animosity too, can you tell? _

_Chips Challenge: re: voldemort, well no but yes…hee hee, originally what he did to Harry is a factor but currently no it's not his doing._

_Damaina: Don't forget to eat and THANKS_

_Melindaleo: Sigh, if only I could get that 'mommy sue' reaction out of you in regards to Draco  more Harry angst in the next chappie as Snape comes down on him._

_Crystal: Harry's mystery won't be revealed for awhile yet and won't climax till the end. The bickering will flare up every so often. Stay tuned._

_CKAT: no idea yet as to how long it will be but I'd predict fairly long. THANKS_

_Nana-hedwig: mmmmm thanks for the butterbeer, it was tasty._

_JKH: the last one ended at the beginning of January, this one starts sometime near the middle to end of February so approximately 1 ½ months later._

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**Next chapter sometime in June: more apparating lesson, Snape angry with Harry, Hermione/Draco moment, etc**

**Special thanks and lots of gratitude to my wonderful beta: staporize**

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**  
Chapter Two - Truce and Turmoil**

The following morning, Harry woke up feeling much better. It was as if all the pain from the day before was nothing but a bad nightmare. Madam Pomfrey insisted on checking him over again thoroughly and then sent him on his way.

Hermione hugged him tightly as soon as she saw him. "I was so worried about you."

He hugged her back, noticing how her hair smelled of vanilla. "I'm okay, really." He could feel her heart racing.

"I could hardly sleep last night; it was horrible seeing you in so much pain."

He let go of her and, with a crooked grin, responded, "Believe me, it wasn't much fun from my end either."

"Do you know what happened? Had your scar been hurting before? Was it because of what Draco said?" Hermione's barrage of questions amused Harry.

He grinned at her and said softly, "No, no, and I don't know. Malfoy made me feel very angry and for a moment I really wanted to retaliate, but then the pain hit me. I don't know why." What Harry didn't say was that for a blinding moment he wanted to kill Malfoy for his cruelty.

Hermione sighed, looking worried. "I hope it doesn't happen again."

They made their way to the great hall for breakfast. The Gryffindors immediately surrounded him, having heard from Ron and Hermione that he had spent the night in the hospital wing. He assured everyone that he'd had a bad headache but that he was fine now.

As the mail was delivered, Harry felt the same pang he always did these days – there would never again be another letter from Sirius.

He was surprised when one of the Hogwarts owls dropped a letter in front of him. Puzzled, he opened it to find three words neatly printed: "I am sorry."

Harry's eyes glanced over at the Slytherin table and met Malfoy's gaze. Part of him wanted to hurt him back, but Hermione already told him that Ron had broken his nose in Harry's defense. Malfoy looked contrite, guilty almost. Harry looked away, not quite ready to forgive him just yet. He had reasoned out that the actual pain wasn't Malfoy's fault, but he didn't want to forgive the pain that his words had caused. His cruel words had felt like daggers, and he had thought they had gotten past that.

Draco felt a flash of disappointment that Harry had apparently not forgiven him. Now that he'd had a chance to calm down from the boggart ordeal and think about Harry, he knew that he had sincerely just been trying to help him. He wasn't used to anyone helping him without expecting something in return. He hated being pitied so he had done what came naturally: he'd insulted Potter so that he would keep his distance. He hadn't expected, however, for him to react as he did. Snape, McGonagall and Lupin had all been disappointed with him, and it bothered him more than he ever thought it would. He couldn't even glance in Dumbledore's direction because he was afraid to see the disapproving gleam in those light blue eyes.

Hermione had been angry with him too. He idly stared at his french toast, wondering how the first lesson in apparating would go today. Would they all avoid him and not speak to him?

Fine then, he didn't care and he definitely didn't need them. His eyes flicked over to Hermione as she put her arm around Potter. With a scowl, he got up, abruptly startling Crabbe and Goyle, and left the table, heading out to the Quidditch Field. He accioed his Firebolt and flew recklessly at top speed until he felt a bit better.

………………………………………………………………………….

Despite all the attention, Harry stayed very quiet and withdrawn during breakfast. Hermione put her arm around him and rubbed his back. "Maybe you shouldn't be up so soon?"

"I'm fine," he responded with exasperation.

"Okay, okay, sorry. But it was rather hard seeing you in so much pain yesterday, so forgive me for being a bit worried about you," Hermione responded in a huff.

Harry sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he looked at Hermione. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just a bit out of sorts, wondering if whatever it was yesterday will happen again."

He got up and left the table. He decided to grab his Firebolt and head to the Quidditch Field. Flying always made him feel like he was in control. He entered onto the field only to find Malfoy standing there looking flushed and a little disheveled.

His eyes narrowed at him. "What? You won't accept my apology but now you're following me?"

Harry scoffed. "Get over yourself, Malfoy. You are the last person I want to see."

Malfoy sneered. "Feeling's mutual."

Harry burst out, "How would you have felt if I'd said you deserved everything Lucius did to you! Oh, but wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I just wanted to get a rise out of you?"

Draco's icy eyes flashed and he shouted, "I can't take it back, so all I can say is that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say what I did. "

"Yes, you did," Harry stated quietly. "You meant to hurt me. All I was trying to do was help you! We shook on a truce before New Years, remember that?"

Draco sneered. "Of course I remember that, Potter. I haven't lost my memory!"

Harry's eyebrow shot up. "Really? You could have fooled me."

"Doesn't take much!" The words shot out of Draco's mouth before he had a chance to think about them. Potter gave him a disgusted look, turned and started walking away.

Regret washed over him and, despite his attempt to suppress the word, he found himself shouting, "Wait!"

Potter stopped and turned slowly. "What's the point, Malfoy."

"I'm sorry. Sometimes words just come out of my mouth…" He grinned apologetically. "It's part of my charm."

Harry regarded him closely. Malfoy looked intensely uneasy and it struck him that he was being sincere in his own, unique, weird way. He couldn't help the small laugh that built up in him. "Yeah, your cruelty always makes you so endearing."

"Now you're just being sarcastic," Draco responded quietly but with a small grin.

"So, aside from being a total git at times, why didn't you accept my help?"

Draco's gaze wandered down to the grass for a moment. "Maybe it was just too embarrassing," he stated in a tone so soft that Harry had to strain to hear him.

"What? My trying to help you?"

Draco's eyes narrowed again as looked into Harry's. "The boggart, you dolt. I know it's just a boggart, but seeing my father suddenly…" His voice trailed off.

The brief glimpse into Malfoy's eyes revealed everything to Harry. Even when the words coming out Malfoy's mouth were cruel or sneering, his eyes were so expressive that he could usually tell how he was really feeling. He saw the embarrassment, the fear, and the uncertainty he was experiencing.

It felt so odd thinking of Malfoy as being vulnerable. He softened his tone. "I know how it feels. I spent year three trying to get rid of a boggart that kept turning into a dementor. Draco, it's not real and somewhere in the back of your mind you know that, no matter how frightening it is."

Draco nodded slowly, secretly pleased that Potter had called him by his first name.

"I'll accept your apology if you try some of the things I suggested."

"Why were you trying to help me?" Draco asked reluctantly.

"Well, let's just say seeing the boggart turn into Lucius with the cane he almost killed you with inspired me."

Draco felt incredibly uncomfortable. He hated how he had reacted whenever the boggart turned into his father, but his body turned to ice and an incredible fear shuddered through him. He hated that the others had seen it.

"Friends help each other out."

Draco snorted. "Are we friends?"

"We could be. Once we build up some kind of trust."

Draco looked doubtful. "Do you really think that's possible, given the history between us?"

Harry shrugged as he looked out over the expanse of the Quidditch field.

"How's your head?" Draco asked hesitantly, wondering if Potter still blamed him.

"It's fine. Back to normal, for now at least," Harry responded quietly.

"Was it because of what I said?" Draco inquired.

Harry's eyes met Draco's. "Honestly, I don't know for sure. I think I got really angry over what you said and that triggered it, but I don't know if it will ever happen again or if I get angry at someone else if it will reoccur," he explained.

Draco's gaze dropped to the grass, his hair falling over his eyes.

Harry asked, "How's your nose?"

Draco glanced up with a slight sneer. "Your bodyguard broke it, but it was healed last night."

Harry nodded; it was then that Draco noticed how pale and tired Potter looked. "Maybe you shouldn't fly so soon after what happened yesterday."

Harry looked at him with disbelief. "Didn't know you cared, Malfoy."

Draco smirked. "I don't care if you crack your skull open, but it would be too pathetic to stomach the Weasel and Hermione crying into their pumpkin juice if you got hurt."

"I guess it's a chance I'll have to take." Harry flew off on his broom shouting back at Draco, "I'll see you later."

Draco shook his head in annoyance and went back to Hogwarts.

"Ronald Weasley! How could you?" Molly Weasley had yanked her son into her office, and she stood before him, fury shooting from her eyes.

Ron, embarrassed and exasperated, shouted back. "He caused Harry to be in pain! He implied it was Harry's fault that Sirius died. You know how badly he already blames himself!"

"Don't you use that tone with me," Molly puffed. "I am well aware that the Malfoy boy has a nasty tongue – Ginny's been telling me that since she stared at Hogwarts – however that was no reason to break his nose. It's a professor's job to hand out punishments, not yours!"

Ron took a deep, frustrated breath. "Fine. I'll try not hurt him again."

"You'll do better than that. You'll apologize to him today when you have your special class," Molly stated matter-of-factly as she went and sat behind her desk.

Ron was horrified. "Apologize? To Malfoy? Mum, no way. I can't do that!"

With narrowed eyes, Molly responded, "You had better or I will give you a detention on top of the one that Lupin has already given you. If you want to play in the upcoming Quidditch match, I suggest that you apologize, and quickly too."

Ron angrily turned and the office, wishing that his mother was back at the Burrow and not at Hogwarts, making his life miserable.

He felt a little better later when Harry told him and Hermione that Malfoy had apologized.

"My mum's making me apologize to him for breaking his nose," Ron stated morosely.

Hermione sighed. "I know how angry you were at him for what he said. I was too, but Ron, you know that he's a lot better than he used to be. It's hard for him, and I think he was terribly embarrassed by the boggart thing."

"'Mione's right, he was," Harry added.

Ron chewed on his lip. "I really don't want to."

"Ron, just think back to the end of December when you found him crying his eyes out in the hallway. You told me you actually felt really bad for him. He's still the same boy, only now his defenses are back up. He still needs all of our help, though," Hermione reasoned.

Ron grinned lopsidedly. "All right. I'll tell him I'm sorry, even though part of me still isn't."

They quietly made their way past Hagrid's cabin to a clearing just outside of the Dark Forest where their secret lesson was to be held. They were careful that no one saw them.

Snape had gone to the clearing early to prepare. Much to his surprise, he found Tonks there already. He nodded to her. She had long, blonde hair today and her eyes sparkled at him mischievously. For some inexplicable reason, she made him nervous, but he was determined to not let her see that. Teaching apparation was difficult and would require their utmost concentration.

"I think we should start out with something basic, perhaps from one tree to another?"

"Sounds good to me Snapey," Tonks replied nonchalantly.

"Do not call me that." Snape glared at her.

"Fine, but at least lighten up! You are always so tense and controlled. They won't learn anything that way," she berated him.

His deep voice laced with resentment, he responded, "Certainly, Nymphadora. Whatever you say."

"If you call me that again, I will hex you into tomorrow!"

Before Snape had a chance to respond, the four teens showed up.

"Harry, Hermione you come over here, you will be working with me. Ron, Draco you'll be working with Snape," Tonks stated.

As she started to explain the lesson to Harry and Hermione, they were interrupted by yelling from Draco.

Snape, who was in a foul mood from his sparring with Tonks, found anger welling in him. It had all started when Ron went to speak to Draco. "Malfoy, I'm sorry I broke your nose."

Draco's eyes narrowed. "No you're not. That's just a pathetic attempt at an apology, probably because your mother made you. You wish you could have smashed up my face, but even if you had I'd never look as hideous as you!"

"Draco! What do you think you are doing! Must you constantly shame me with your behaviour! Accept Weasley's apology and be prompt about giving him one of your own!" Snape snarled in disbelief at Draco's words.

Draco eyes flashed cold fire. "I don't need this!" he responded angrily.

"Perhaps a month's banishment from Quidditch matches and detention with Filch will make you behave!"

"That's not fair! He broke my nose!"

"Stop acting like a petulant child!"

Draco flushed and for a split second an incredible look of hurt flashed through his stormy eyes before the familiar arrogant mask settled again. Without a word, he turned and stiffly headed back towards Hogwarts.

Snape snorted in frustration, trying to keep his anger in check.

Tonks came over to stand beside him. She whispered quietly, "Take a deep breath, calm down, and go after him. You just embarrassed the hell out of him in front of the others. He's not a child anymore, even though he may act like it once in awhile. Just talk to him quietly and make him see reason. Don't let him shut you out."

Realizing that what Tonks suggested made sense, he tore after Draco. He finally caught up to him by Hagrid's cabin. He grabbed the furious teen, pinning him up against the wall of the cabin.

"Before you continue on with your tantrum, allow me to say that I am sorry I embarrassed you like that. Please, calm down."

Draco shot daggers at him with his eyes. "Let me go." He tried to break free, but Snape's grip was like steel.

Snape continued to speak in a calm, quiet tone. "Not yet. Why can't you accept Weasley's apology? He made a mistake, as did you."

Draco released an angry breath and looked sour. "I didn't mean to do it, he did."

"He was just trying to protect his friend. He couldn't have known that you didn't mean to hurt Potter at that point. Given your history together, it is not that hard to believe, right?"

Draco's heart was racing. He had expected Snape to be furious with him when he caught him, yet he was talking quietly and even apologized. He truly wanted to learn how to apparate, but he felt like such an outsider sometimes.

Snape squeezed his shoulder. "Let's go back. I'll pair you with Hermione instead."

A slight curl of dread formed in his stomach. Hermione. What would she think of him after what he had said? Had she been able to forgive him like Potter had? Would she be angry for what he had just said to Weasley? He stared stonily at the ground for a few moments before spitting out, "Okay."

Full of apprehension, he walked back alongside Snape.

"Ron, I know you're angry and you have every right to be, but remember you did break his nose and obviously he's holding a grudge at the moment. Try to be patient. I know you can rise above this," Tonks advised.

"Are they coming back?" Harry asked.

Tonks smiled at him. "I'm betting they will, but let's get started. Apparating is difficult, but not as difficult as other disciplines, like Occlumency for example. It requires a lot of concentration to learn it, but once you have you'll never forget it and it will be like breathing to you."

"How far will we be allowed to apparate today?" Hermione asked, wondering if she could do a quick trip to Hogsmeade.

As if reading her mind, Tonks shook her head. "Not to Hogsmeade. It isn't safe to go there on your own. The furthest you will get today, if you master it quickly, is to that tree over there. But I warn you, it's not that easy up front."

Harry's mind wandered for a moment as Tonks spoke. If he had known how to apparate last year, he could have immediately gone from the Dark Forest to Grimmauld Place and would have known whether or not Sirius was there.

His sad thoughts were interrupted by Snape and Draco returning. For a split second, Draco made eye contact with him. Harry realized he was very uncomfortable. He resolved to do what it would take to put him more at ease with them. One more person on the side of the light was well worth the effort.


	3. apparating, PAIN, denial

**A/N: **_THANK YOU ALL! HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE!_

_Melindaleo: awwww don't you feel sorry for poor Malfoy at the end of this chapter? No worries, there will be lots more Snape/Tonks scenes. Snapefan51: I love Snape and Tonks too, so there will be lots more, they'll make you laugh in chapter 4. Madam Moony: I'm trying not to jump but if I do, please tell me where so I can register, Thanks. Nana Hedwig: ooops sorry it was who you didn't want it to be but I promise you'll like what he eventually does with this new skill. Moldanahikum: thank you thank you, yes it will be a slow buildup between Snape and Tonks but then all of a sudden bang. Crystal13: Congrats and enjoy that butterbear you were the first to guess right. Janie1019: You should have followed that gut instinct, Lol I'd love to borrow that laptop but I'd likely end up burying it in the perennial garden which is what I accidentally did with my garden gloves today. So ummm you better hang on to it. Fanes: awwww I'm blushing thank you. Catmint: Thank you, please give me an example of my comma problem? I totally admit commas and I have an erratic relationship. Soccer sweetie: Don't you worry lots of Draco/Snape moments coming up in this fic. Majinshuko: hmmm re: Snape Tonks actual pairing, never say never (smiles devilishly). Rommulous. Wow thanks for all the kind words, do not worry the plot is in my head and I will not deviate from it, you'll get lots more Harry, Draco, Snape and the friendships, relationships will develop to new levels with of course oodles of angst. JadynPotter: You need to reread that first chapter authors note that states 'once a month' no more no less. So instead of emailing me to update, I suggest you take that creative plot you came up with and write a story of your own, I'd love to read it. Thanks for the offer of beta reader, I actually have one and he's quite handsome, so I'll pass. Back to you thinking Harry should be ashamed for letting Mrs. Weasley act as a mother figure. Sorry but no way, my Harry secretly wants a family and he's maturing enough to realize that during these terrible times the support of family and friends will keep him sane and strong. Without them he'd turn into a bitter lonely man like Snape. So if you can't deal with Harry accepting some comfort then I'm afraid you'll hate the rest of my story cause it will happen lots more. As for the scene with Harry explaining to Hermione and Ron, instead of Harry being pissed off which you are right he was of course I chose the word angry for a reason, you'll understand more as the plot continues, anger is an emotion that is important to what keeps happening to him. As for his scar, it's not just a simple case of his scar hurting a bit, this is a lot more serious and the boy is in incredible agony (even more so then when Voldi possessed him at the end of book 5). Everyone is extremely concerned, not just because they care about him but also because he is the only one who can save 'the world' from Voldi. No one knows what is wrong…well no one but me and you'll have to take my word for it…it is very serious and they are right to hover and be concerned. Harry for the most part is incoherent with pain and he is scared to death over what's happening to him and whether it will prevent him from protecting those he cares about. He can't stop it so he's maturing to a point that he can accept help from those who hopefully can._

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Quick note to all: For the future, there will be no more author notes that respond individually to reviews, instead those who are registered with addresses I will email you directly if you have questions that you would like a response to.

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Special thanks and lots of gratitude to my wonderful beta: staporize

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter Three – Apparating, Pain, and Denial**

"We've wasted enough time. Let's get to work," Snape snapped. "Draco, get over there beside Hermione. Harry, Ron you are with me."

As Snape and Tonks explained, apparating was hard to learn and many wizards never did. It required a great deal of concentration. Snape and Tonks demonstrated separately that once learned, it could be easy as they apparated from one place to another.

Hermione's hand flew into the air. "Can two people apparate together?"

Tonks responded, "Yes, Hermione, but they have to be physically touching. For instance…" She walked over to Snape, whose dark eyes regarded her suspiciously. She smiled sweetly at him, grabbed his hand, and with him in tow apparated with a loud crack to the other side of the clearing and, with another loud crack, she apparated back still holding Snape's hand.

Snape fought back the urge to tear his hand away. Being touched unexpectedly always startled him. He surmised it was from a childhood fear of being beaten by his father and then later being Crucioed by the Dark Lord that make the human touch so distasteful to him. Spontaneous physical displays were always hard for him to tolerate. Once he recovered from the initial shock, he realized how warm Tonk's hand had felt in his own and his heart started beating faster. She smiled at him for a second before letting go.

"But first, you need to learn how to apparate yourselves before you ever come anywhere near apparating someone with you."

"Potter, Weasley, I want you both to focus on that tree over there. It's the perfect distance to practice on for the first time. Imagine that's where you want to be and focus your energy on it. But it's imperative to remember to focus all of yourselves. There have been very serious accidents – some wizards have painfully splinched themselves, which is why it is very important to focus on what we say and follow our instructions. No deviating from the rules." Snape emphasized the last words loudly and distinctly.

"The easiest way to learn how to apparate is to think of your body as a wisp of air," Tonks elaborated to Draco and Hermione.

Draco snorted and raised his eyebrow. "A wisp of air?"

Tonks narrowed her eyes at him. "Yes, Draco. You know, a wisp of air, light like a feather or like a floating fairy."

He smirked. "Sounds like something a Hufflepuff would do, not a Slytherin."

"Well then I'm teaching the wrong student how to apparate. Why don't you go back to Hogwarts and send a Hufflepuff back in your place?" she said curtly, hoping that he would shut his mouth and get to work.

Hermione couldn't help the soft chuckle that worked its way up her throat. Draco shot her a withering look but didn't say another word. He was still pissed at Snape for yelling at him in front of the others. For a moment, a horrible anxiety and insecurity had welled up within him. His father had always said that he was ashamed of him and that he was an embarrassment to the name Malfoy. Tonks noticed the sudden forlorn look on Draco's face and her impatience with him immediately diminished.

"Draco," she spoke softly, interrupting his thoughts and gaining a startled look. "Do you want to give it a try?" His pointed chin came up as the confident scowl returned. He nodded curtly.

Tonks came over to stand behind him and put her hands on his shoulders. "Take a deep breath. You need to totally relax or you'll be splinched." She rubbed his shoulders and waited until most of the tension was gone. "Now, focus on the tree over there, close your eyes, see it your mind. You are light as a breeze, but as fast and powerful as a lightening bolt. In your mind say _destina_."

He hated being put on the spot like this. He was still very embarrassed by the boggart incident. What if he failed again? He shook the depressing thought out of his head and focused on the fact that he was a Malfoy, that he was better than everyone, that he was a pureblood. However, in the back of his mind came the little voice of truth telling him that he wasn't better, and that he hardly ever came out ahead.

Just then Tonks whispered in his ear, "Come on, cos. You can do it."

He had known they were related, but his mother had always made disparaging remarks about the Tonks family so hadn't paid much attention. A small smile came to his lips. It was nice having one relative who actually offered encouragement. He closed his eyes, seeing the tree in his mind. He said "_destina_" in his head. Suddenly, a loud crack filled the air and he felt a whoosh of cool air and opened his eyes to find himself standing by the tree. He looked back at the startled faces across the clearing. Tonks looked positively gleeful. Potter, Weasley, and Hermione looked shocked. Snape smiled, actually smiled. Draco couldn't believe he had done it. He smirked his best smirk, thoroughly pleased with himself.

"Stay there, Draco. Let's see if we can get someone else to join you," Tonks instructed.

Hermione tried next, but surprisingly couldn't do it. She frowned, feeling very frustrated. Ron focused on Snape's instruction and concentrated hard, but had no success. He looked angry, much to Draco's obvious pleasure.

"It's all right, Weasley, it is a hard thing to learn. Draco was most likely a fluke; it's very rare to get it on the first time. Usually, it takes months," Snape stated, glancing at Draco again with pride in his eyes. "Be warned, Draco. You might not be able to do it so fast a second time."

The pleasure he felt over Ron's failure diminished a bit.

Then it was Harry's turn. Harry had felt a terrible pang of jealousy when Malfoy apparated. The old rivalry surfaced. If Malfoy could do it, then he could do it better. He had to be better. Aside from Potions, he always beat him at everything. He narrowed his green eyes and focused on a tree a farther distance from where Malfoy stood. He closed his eyes and mumbled the word and heard a loud crack. At first when he opened his eyes and saw the tree, triumph shone from his eyes. He turned to look across the clearing and much to his surprise everyone stared at him with horrified expressions.

Malfoy smirked. "Didn't you forget something, Potter?'

It was then he realized his left shoulder and arm were back from where he had started. He tried to move, but he was stuck as if glued to the air next to him. His heart started racing and he felt dizzy as panic set in.

Snape stormed towards him, cape flying out behind him. "What did you think you were doing? That's not the tree I told you to aim for!" he snarled, fury emanating from his black eyes.

"I wanted to go farther because…"

Snape cut him off. "You _wanted_? Did you not listen to anything we have been saying? You wanted to go farther? After I explicitly explained what could happen! What you mean to say, Potter, is that, like your father and godfather, you couldn't stand being bested, especially not by a Slytherin, so in your arrogance you just had to take it one step further…" Snape took a deep breath. "Well, are you pleased with yourself? You are now splinched and we'll have to contact the Ministry for Improper Use of Magic and our secret training will be exposed!"

Harry swallowed hard. He hated that Snape was once again bashing his father and Sirius, but he also felt a pang of dread over Snape's words. He hadn't intentionally jeopardized the training. He just wanted to learn this fast and move on to the next lesson.

"Severus, that's enough!" Tonks shouted, her hair suddenly turning bright red and her eyes flashing green. "How it came about is rather moot at this moment, considering that he is splinched. Let's not overreact, but we need to get him out of this immediately."

Snape's eyes bore into her. "The ministry will have a field day with this, thanks to Potter's arrogance!"

Tonks released an angry breath, walked up close to him, her angry eyes flashing as she looked up at him. "CHILL OUT! You are _not_ helping the situation. Now stand aside so I can work."

He growled at her. "You? What can you do?"

She glared at him and spoke in a low tone: "I have many skills you know nothing of!" His eyebrows raised slightly as her glare turned into a smirk.

She turned from him to Harry. "Harry, just relax. This is certainly a bit of a pickle you've gotten yourself into, but you're in luck. I worked with the Ministry for Improper Use of Magic for awhile." She went over to where his shoulder and arm were and put her hand on his shoulder. "Can you feel this?" she asked as she squeezed his shoulder.

Harry nodded tensely. He was very uncomfortable. To everyone's amazement Tonks mumbled some words, waved her wand and then apparated with Harry's shoulder and arm. As she reappeared, the force of the body parts reconnecting knocked them both to the ground.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Harry gingerly tested his shoulder. It was a bit stiff, but considering what had happened he had gotten off lucky.

He glanced up at Snape, whose dark eyes glowered at him furiously. In a low voice, Snape snarled, "Well Potter, you just couldn't let Draco succeed for once, so you decided to better him by once again breaking the rules."

Harry, his eyes blazing furiously responded, "I'm the one who has to face Voldemort! I'm the one that has to kill him! I have to be better, I…"

Snape interrupted his rant. "Yes, I had forgotten that the world revolves around the Golden Boy. So where does that leave everyone else? Dead like Diggory and Black?"

Tonks' mouth dropped open at Snape's cruel worlds. Harry winced as the first tendrils of pain shot through his scar. "No, safe! I have to keep everyone safe!"

"Are you just too dense to realize that you can't do this on your own? I had hoped you had learned this lesson, but apparently not. In order to stay safe and hopefully alive they," he waved his hand to the other three, "all need to be able to protect themselves to the best of their ability as well. We have to work together and listen to each other. Unless, of course, you want a repeat of last summer?"

Pain shot through his eyes this time as he looked at Snape and he cried out as his hands went up to cover them. He fell to his knees as a dagger-like pain shot through his head and his body convulsed from an icy chill that tore through him.

"Potter!" Snape's voice changed instantly to reflect the shock and worry he felt as Harry collapsed to the ground, curling into a ball.

"Harry!" came Hermione's frightened yell as she raced towards him with Ron not far behind. Draco slowly followed.

"Noooo! Not again!" Harry gasped through the searing pain in his eyes and in his scar.

White-faced, Snape looked up at Tonks. "I'll get him to the hospital wing." He conjured a stretcher and lifted Harry onto it.

The pain was once again overwhelming. His hands pressed as hard as they could over his forehead and his eyes. He tried to fight back the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him; his breath came in strained pants.

Hermione ran alongside the stretcher rubbing his arm. "It's okay, Harry. It will be okay." She felt tears coming to her eyes, seeing him in so much pain. She looked up at Snape and Tonks. "Why is this happening again?"

Snape looked grim, knowing that this time he was responsible for sparking the attack. Tonks, whose hand was on Harry's shoulder on the opposite side of the stretcher, shook her head. "Is this how it happened last time?"

Draco nodded, puzzled by what kept happening to Potter. "Last time something I said upset him and he collapsed just like this…" He glanced up at Snape, whose guilt ridden dark eyes stared back at him.

As soon as they neared Hogwarts, Snape growled, "Draco!"

He stopped, suddenly realizing that he couldn't be seen with the rest of Potter's entourage. He nodded reluctantly and headed off in a different direction.

Cold chills shook Harry's body, but his head felt as if it was on fire. He couldn't control the moan that escaped his lips as he was lifted onto a bed in the hospital wing. Seconds later, everything went black.

Madam Pomfrey waved Ron and Hermione out. "I'll get the headmaster," Snape said in a strained voice.

"No, I'll get him, you stay with Harry," Tonks spoke up, noticing how upset Snape was. His words had been very cruel, but Harry had definitely broken the rules they had both set. Snape glanced at her and, for a moment, she actually detected a flash of gratitude in his eyes.

Snape sat down beside Harry, resting one hand on the teen's black, disheveled hair. He felt terrible: he wished he hadn't spoken so hastily. He wished he could take away the incredible pain Harry was in. Madam Pomfrey put a cloth soaked with incetia balm on Harry's forehead and over his eyes. She ran her wand over his body. "He's fine physically, aside from a wrenched shoulder, so whatever this is is either caused by dark magic or it's something emotional."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Or a combination of both?"

Madam Pomfrey nodded. "It is a possibility. Poor boy, as if he hasn't been through enough. Now this."

Dumbledore came in, lightly touching Harry's shoulder. "What happened to cause this? Did he and Draco have words again?"

"No, I'm reluctant to admit that it was my fault this time," Snape explained in a quiet voice, looking up at the headmaster.

Dumbledore's eyebrows rose slightly as he regarded his Potions Master. Snape was the first to break eye contact, his gaze going back to Harry.

With a sigh, Dumbledore sat down beside him.

"He splinched himself after breaking the rules during an apparation lesson. I'm afraid I lost my temper and yelled at him. I said some things that I believe made him angry and frustrated." Snape took a breath and softly said, "I'm sorry."

Dumbedore's hand lightly reached out and patted Snape's head. "These days I know your actions weren't intentional. We have to find the root of what is causing Harry such agony. It could destroy him, making him incapacitated to fight when the time comes."

While the headmaster and Snape talked, Tonks stood back studying Snape, her eyes taking in every inch of him. Ever since she had first met him, he had held her interest. He wasn't a handsome man, nor even remotely what one would call attractive, but he was intriguing, irresistibly intriguing. He paid her no mind, unlike most other men who made her very uncomfortable and self-conscious with their stares and attention. Severus Snape was an enigma. There were numerous whispers of a dark, haunted past, and when she learned he had the Dark Mark and was once a Death Eater, she was horrified and kept her distance. Once she calmed down enough to think rationally, she realized that Dumbledore would not let anyone dangerous into the Order. She knew that Snape was constantly in danger and perhaps that was why he was quiet, bitter, and withdrawn. She had talked to Dumbledore about him once, but he had failed to reveal much to her casual questions, which ended up intriguing her even more. His eyes, those dark, fathomless eyes that held so much and yet revealed so little. She shook her head, dispelling thoughts of the mysterious Potions Master to focus back on Harry, who was still unconscious.

"We could enervate him," Dumbledore stated, "but I'd rather he rest peacefully without pain for awhile."

As Hermione and Ron made their way back to Gryffindor, Luna inquired what had happened upon seeing their distraught faces. Ron stopped to explain while Hermione decided she as too upset to deal with inquiring Gryffindors as to Harry's whereabouts. She headed out the door, emotion blinding her as she ran down to the lake. Her eyes were full of tears as she dropped near her favorite tree. Her hands came to her face as she thought of the agony Harry had been in minutes before, but the dampness chilled her quickly. She dried her tears and started heading back.

"Hermione?" She turned to discover Draco walking towards her. He stopped suddenly, his eyes wide, startled to see that she had obviously been crying. "What's going on with Potter?"

She sniffed. "I don't know, but he's in so much pain. I want to help him, but I don't know how." Her voice grew choked at the end.

Draco stood in front of her awkwardly. He tentatively put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed her arm. "He'll be all right, everyone cares about him. They'll help him."

With a small sob, she nodded then moved closer dropping her head on his shoulder. His heart did a painful jump as her arms came around him, clinging to him softly. He brought his arms around her, hugging her gently. She had, after all, done the same for him when he had been upset. "Shhhh. He'll be okay. "

"I love him. I couldn't stand it if anything bad happened to him," Hermione choked out.

Draco stiffened. She loved Potter? Of course she did. It really doesn't matter. She's a mudblood, dirty, filthy little mudblood, and he didn't care. For some reason, a wave of intense sadness washed over him and he dropped his head to her hair, inhaling the warm scent of vanilla. Other than perhaps a slight friendship, he didn't care about her, he didn't care about anyone, expect Snape, and perhaps McGonagalland Dumbledore.

Hermione sniffed again and then laughed, clearly embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Draco, I didn't mean to cry all over you."

"You owe me a new cloak," he teased softly.

She smiled teary-eyed at him. "Good thing we're well hidden behind these trees and that no one saw us." She grinned wryly as she backed out of his embrace. "Thanks." He nodded curtly, his eyes unreadable.


	4. After Effects

**A/N:** _Huge thanks to all the reviewers, you are most wonderfully appreciated. Mocha ice cream coffees to all of you! There will be TWO yes count em TWO chapters in July. The one I was working on just grew and grew and needed to be split er splinched, so here is the first one. Hope you like..._

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

Big thanks to my beta Staporize.

**Chapter 4: After Effects**

"Draco?"

He lay on his bed, his arms folded behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. He flicked his eyes in the direction of the voice. Crabbe and Goyle stood there.

"What!" he snarled at them.

They looked a bit startled. "It's time for dinner."

"Well, go then. You don't need me there, unless of course you want me to tie bibs around your necks!"

They looked at each other, stunned by his outburst. "Aren't you coming?" Goyle asked tentatively.

"I'm not hungry."

They shuffled off, leaving Draco to focus on the ceiling once more.

Every so often, his anger at them surfaced. If they hadn't squealed to their parents about the time he and Hermione were in Hagrid's hut together, his father most likely wouldn't have almost beaten him to death. His life might still be normal and he wouldn't have to put up with the golden trio and all the changes in his life. He sighed, wallowing in his foul mood.

Back in the hospital wing, Snape gently stroked the dark hair away from the wet cloth. He had been sitting with Harry for at least an hour. A specialist from St. Mungo's had been brought in and, after scanning the boy, could find nothing wrong.

When Harry came to, he felt very groggy and slightly dizzy. There was a wonderfully cool cloth on his forehead and over his eyes. He took a deep breath and sighed. Snape's silky voice came out of the haze. "Harry, how are you feeling?"

He wished Snape wasn't there. He was glad the cloth was over his eyes and he didn't have to look at him.

"How do you think?" Harry responded angrily.

Snape sighed. "I'm sorry I caused this." He hadn't meant for Harry to have another attack, yet he was furious at him for once again breaking the rules.

Harry didn't know what to feel. A part of him was so angry that Snape had insulted his father and Sirius, but the other part of him, the part that made his stomach clench in knots, was scared to death wondering what was happening to him. "You just had to bring up Sirius again. You know how guilty I feel about his death, but you couldn't help lashing out at me that way."

Snape swallowed hard. He stared at the pale, dark haired teen lying on the bed in front of him and was glad for the cloth that covered his eyes. He'd feel even worse if those green, accusing eyes bore into him. "Look, there is no excuse for what I said, but you have to take respons..."

Before he could explain, Harry interrupted him, raising his voice. "I don't want to hear what you have to say. You just couldn't resist getting to me by bashing Sirius and my father. Right now, that's all that matters."

"Harry." Snape's voice acquired a stern tone, but his hand was gentle as it touched his shoulder.

Harry pulled away. "Just leave me alone. You just make my head hurt worse," he mumbled.

There was silence for a moment. Then he heard the chair creak as Snape got up.

"When you are ready to listen, we'll talk again."

As soon as he heard the door shut he snorted. "That's not likely."

He tentatively pulled the cloth off his face. The dimmed light in the room still made him squint. The clip of footsteps brought his attention over to Madam Pomfrey as she entered. "How are you feeling? Any more pain?"

"No, it's gone again," he responded quietly.

"Thank goodness. You were unconscious for over three hours. Professor Dumbledore thought it best not to enervate you but to let you rest."

He sat up.

"Oh, no you don't. You need to lie back down. You aren't going anywhere for the next 24 hours."

"But I'm okay now. I don't want to spend the entire weekend here. I have to practice Quidditch for the game next week." Harry looked at her anxiously, having no desire to spend the night in the hospital wing.

"Potter! Did you not hear what I said? You were unconscious for almost the whole afternoon. You will be spending the night here in this bed. If you do not do so willingly, I will bind you to it!" she stated matter-of-factly.

His eyes narrowed at her. "Fine." He lay back down. He would have gladly defied her, but he was afraid she would get Snape and he'd have to deal with him again.

She made him drink a smelly potion and then she left him alone again.

Times like this, he sorely missed Sirius. Sirius would know what to do and would help him find out what was wrong. His throat closed off after being hit by a painful bout of missing him. The terrible ache he had felt for so long after Sirius' death had started to die down a bit in this new year, but every so often something happened – a memory, a smell, a dog barking – that would bring back that terrible hollow ache. "Sirius, I wish I could talk to you," he whispered hoarsely.

"Harry?"

He had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't noticed Hermione sneak in.

"I've been so worried about you. Are you all right now? Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let Ron and I in." She sat down beside the bed in the chair Snape had vacated.

Harry looked so pale and so down. She took his hand and squeezed it.

He smiled wanly. "I'm okay now, but Pomfrey won't let me out until tomorrow."

"Well, that's good. She just wants to make sure you are all right."

Harry snorted angrily pulling his hand out of her grasp. "I knew you'd take her side."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Don't take your foul mood out on me!"

Harry didn't respond, just stared at the wall, his green eyes stormy.

"Would you rather I leave?" she asked.

He grimaced. "No, it's just that..."

"Just what? These episodes you keep having that no one can figure out?"

"That too, but…"

"But what? For Merlin's sake, Harry, will you just say it?"

His eyes flashed back at her. "I wish Sirius was still alive. Maybe he could have figured out what is wrong with me since no one else can!"

"Oh Harry." Hermione's eyes clouded with compassion. She leant forward and put her arms around him. "I wish he was, too."

He hugged her back tightly; the warm human contact felt good.

"Ron and I spent time in the library reading through every book we could get our hands on to try and figure out what was wrong. I think we need to sneak into the restricted section."

He started to feel a little better. "Thanks," he murmured into her hair.

She squeezed him tightly to reassure him. After a minute, she let go and pulled back slightly. She kissed him on the cheek. "Don't worry."

The ache in his heart made him move closer to her. With his breathing rapid, he softly kissed her on the lips.

She looked at him, startled, her dark eyes wide with surprise.

"Errr, Hermione. Sorry," he said in a soft tone.

She gave an embarrassed laugh. "I have no idea why you just did that." She sat back, regarding the dark-haired, green-eyed wizard before her. Then she added softly, "It felt nice."

His green eyes looked into hers and a small, mischievous smile formed on his lips. "Did it now?" He kissed her again.

She found her face growing warm and knew she was blushing.

What in the world was she doing kissing one of her best friends?

She smiled at him. "I better go before someone finds me here." She kissed him on the forehead. "I'll see you in the morning." She left with confused thoughts racing through her head.

Harry lay back on the pillows. What had just happened? He and Hermione had kissed. Ron would be hurt. He couldn't do that to his best friend, yet kissing Hermione had felt so good. He picked at the dinner Pomfrey had brought him. Then lay down and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Draco awoke the next morning with a splitting headache. The nightmare from hours ago still fresh in his mind. They had died down in frequency from the time his father almost killed him, but they resurfaced every so often when he found himself upset. In a reoccurring nightmare, his father killed Snape in front of him. Even though there were times he was furious at Snape, the thought of him not being in his life anymore almost sent him into a panic attack. The dreams were torturous. He woke up practically hyperventilating, shaking and shivering. Every so often, he was physically sick. He had placed a silencing charm around his bed so the rest of the Slytherins wouldn't hear him. Many mornings, Snape looked at him with worried eyes. He suspected that the nightmares had continued and had frequently pressed him to talk about them, but Draco always claimed he couldn't remember. He didn't want to tell Snape about the dreams where his father goaded him that Snape didn't really care about him, that he was just using him. He knew Snape wasn't doing that, but then moments like yesterday when he said that he constantly shamed him had hurt. Really hurt. But he couldn't tell him that without coming across like a wimp. Snape had, after all, apologized, but it didn't take away the hollow feeling in his heart.

Since it was Saturday, he had no classes, so after breakfast he had his detention with Weasley. He dreaded it. Then, later in the evening after dinner, he had an Occlumency lesson with Snape. It was going to be a rotten day.

With a patient look on his face, Lupin spoke: "A detention is a punishment, Draco. I'm sure you know that means you will be doing a task that isn't all that pleasant."

Lupin continued, "Molly Weasley has helped me out in assigning a task."

Ron groaned inwardly while Draco rolled his eyes.

"She needs the Lanplashem plants that Madam Hooch seeded last year moved. Therefore, new beds must be dug out, new soil put in, and mixed with various composts and manures..."

Draco had blanched and looked positively horrified at the thought. "We can't do that!"

"And why can't you do that?" Lupin asked patiently. Draco was always a trying student and Lupin knew he hadn't won his respect yet.

"Well, because it's something a servant or a house elf should do, not a student!"

Lupin grinned slightly. "Do you see any servants around?"

Draco's eyes narrowed angrily. He opened his mouth to snarl "Wait till my father finds out," but then snapped it shut, realizing those words would never have an effect again. His gaze hit the floor.

Lupin sighed softly, regarding the furious teen. "Well, then it's up to you two. When you have finished digging the holes and mixing the soil, you will then move and replant the Lanplashems. I need you to be very careful with these plants. They are used in a variety of potions. Mixed with water and other potions they are highly effective. Even on their own they can create a deadly toxin that can make a wizard extremely ill. So when the time comes to handle the plants, you must wear these gloves and be extremely careful not to brush up against it. Understand?"

Both boys nodded miserably.

The site where they needed to work was just past Hagrid's cabin in a clearing. The ground was heavy and contained a large number of stones of various sizes. It was remarkably warm day and soon both boys were sweating and they removed their shirts. Ron noticed with barely contained amusement how uncomfortable and miserable Malfoy looked. With a house full of servants, he doubted he had ever had to lift a finger when it came to any kind of physical work.

The burning pains that crept through his arms and back made Draco inhale sharply. He hated this. He glanced over at Weasley, who didn't seem to have anywhere near the amount of trouble that he was having. No wonder, he grew up in a hovel and most likely had to help build it.

As Ron dug into the hard earth, he realized he'd feel this workout for days. He noticed Malfoy stop every so often and rub his arms and stretch his shoulders. Ron couldn't resist. "Poor Malfoy. No servant around to order to do the hard stuff for you."

Draco's eyes snapped up, filled with rage. "Shut up, Weasel. Unlike you, I didn't come from a hovel!"

Ron opened his mouth to respond 'better a hovel full of loving people than a mansion full of indifference and beatings,' but remembering the state he had found him in after his first Occlumency lesson made him keep his mouth shut.

"What's the matter, Weasel? You can't deny it, can you?" Draco sneered, malevolence in his eyes.

Ron lifted his head proudly. "My house may not be a mansion like yours, but it's always a wonderful, warm place to go home to." He said the words quietly without malice.

For a moment, Draco's eyes clouded with pain before he responded with a hoarse, "Sod off, Weasel." He focused back on digging.

Ron sighed; he shouldn't have started the exchange. 'Mione and Harry would be annoyed with him for provoking Malfoy. He felt a smidgen of guilt knowing full well that Malfoy would likely never return to the place he once called home. With a grunt, he bent down to dislodge yet another stone. "Do you miss it?" he asked quietly, trying to see what Harry and Hermione saw in Malfoy.

Draco stopped, startled by the question. "Miss what?" he asked haltingly.

"The mansion, the servants, your things."

Draco stared hard at the tall red head. He bit back the scathing response he had formulated when he realized there was sincerity in Weasley's blue eyes.

"Sometimes," he responded sulkily.

Ron caught the glimpse of sadness in his stormy eyes. It softened him. "It must be hard having your life change so drastically."

Draco looked at Weasley again, trying to gauge if he was provoking him or just making a statement. He wasn't sure. His defenses were high, but he decided to not respond and went back to digging.

After an hour of digging, Ron straightened for a moment, wiping the sweat out of his eyes. He had to grudgingly admit, aside from all the complaining at the onset, Malfoy pulled his fair share of work. It surprised him, in fact, as he tackled the dirt and rocks with furious energy. He wondered if it was Malfoy's way to let off some steam. He also noticed Malfoy's pale skin was getting quite the red glow. Ron was working partially under an old oak tree, so he had at least some shade.

"Err, Malfoy, you're getting really red. Maybe we should trade places so you can work in the shade a bit."

Draco sneered. "Not a chance, Weasley. You're not getting credit for all the work I did here by switching places."

Ron opened his mouth to retort but then wondered why he should bother. If Malfoy wanted to look like a friend mandrake root, so be it.

They finished the beds, tugged in the soil, and mixed the various mulches and thestral manures. Then they headed over to where the plants were in a bed alongside the forest.

Ron rubbed the screaming muscles in his shoulders. He glanced over at Malfoy and, once again, suppressed the grin that threatened. He no longer looked like the immaculate, pale, sneering, arrogant pureblood. His skin was red, his face flushed, dirt stuck to his body, the white blond hair hung down his face in wet strands. His eyes never left the ground as they trudged along. He seemed lost in his thoughts or perhaps his anger at having to do this. Ron smiled inwardly; for a change, Malfoy looked quite pathetic. The urge to tell him so was strong after years of insults that Malfoy hurled his way. Ron sighed. Malfoy was trying to change and, much to his surprise, they had actually had a few civil moments since last Christmas. He didn't hate him quite as much as he used to. They both put on the gloves when they got to the plants, but it was too warm for the shirts so, very carefully, they removed the five foot high plants. At one point, Malfoy slipped and ended up abruptly landing on his butt. He swore loudly and Ron leaned down and extended his hand to help him up. Draco hesitated for a moment. He didn't want to accept Weasley's help, but he was just too tired and sore to argue. He grabbed the offered hand hard only to be lifted halfway up and then dropped to the ground. He swore again. "Weasel, what do you ..." He stopped, realizing he held Weasley's glove in his hand; it must have slipped off.

"Bloody hell..." Ron exclaimed as he fell backwards, then a shriek welled up his throat as an incredible stinging pain burst through his back and shoulder. He realized with horror that he had fallen against one of the Lanplashem plants. He shakily got to his feet, panting as his body absorbed the toxins from the plant. He shivered uncontrollably as he blinked, rapidly trying to keep the tears of sheer agony from spilling over.

Draco winced as he struggled to his feet. "Weasley?"

Ron felt his body numb as paralysis set in his limbs and he fell to the ground. He could feel Malfoy's hand on his arm. He knew he was frantically calling him, but his frightened voice sounded miles away.

Draco didn't know what to do as Weasley's eyes shut and he shivered once more before becoming ominously still.

Panic set in. "He can't be dead, I'll get blamed, he can't be dead" kept running though his brain. He ran breathlessly towards Hogwarts. As Hagrid's hut materialized before his eyes, he pounded frantically on the door. Hagrid opened it immensely, surprised to find the blond Slytherin in a panic.

"Calm down, slow down. What are you on about, Malfoy?"

Draco took a deep breath and explained as calmly as he could what had happened.

Fear and worry clouded Hagrid's eyes. He lumbered off in the direction where Ron lay. Without hesitation, he leaned down, felt for a pulse, then scooped him up and ran towards Hogwarts.

Draco ran behind him. "Is he alive?" he asked frantically, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep up with the half giant.

"Barely! Malfoy, wait a few minutes, then come to the hospital wing."

Draco stopped and let his shaking legs collapse him to the ground. He took some deep breaths until he calmed down and could walk normally again. He felt dizzy. He went back, put his shirt on and slowly, still winded, walked back to Hogwarts.

Hagrid tore into the hospital wing carrying Ron's limp body.

"Oh my word, what happened?"

"He fell against the Lanplashem plant."

Without a further word, Madam Pomfrey ran off and got a potion. She immediately lifted Ron's head and poured it down his throat while muttering a spell that helped him to swallow it.

Harry had leapt out of bed and was trying to get to Ron, but Hagrid held him back. "It's all right 'Arry. We'll take care of 'im."

Seeing Ron looking so lifeless had caused tremors of fear to vibrate through Harry. He couldn't lose his best friend. "What happened?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Well, from what I was able to get out of Malfoy, it was an accident. Ron was helping him up and the glove he had on slipped and he fell backwards onto the plant. Something like that. Malfoy was in a panic and wasn't making a 'ole lot of sense."

"Did you find Ron like that?"

"Malfoy came and got me. Ron was unconscious."

Madam Pomfrey explained further: "The plant causes paralysis and makes one very ill, but I got the antidote into him in time. He'll need more of it over the next few days, then I'm sure he'll be all right."

Madam Pomfrey left for a moment, and when she came back, Snape followed a few moments later.

"Severus, I need more of this potion. I just had an emergency dose. I haven't had to use it 8 years. Lanplashem is not something the students usually get into."

Snape examined Ron. "He's in for a rough bit. I'll get right on it."

Before he left, he glanced over at Harry, who still had resentment shining out of his eyes. Snape looked at him and frowned.

Shortly after, Molly Weasley tore into the room. She shrieked, "Ronnie!" and immediately ran over to the pale, still teen.

Pomfrey explained, "He'll be all right. Apparently Mr. Malfoy got Hagrid to bring him in just in time."

Hagrid had let go off Harry and he sat down on the bed beside Ron, watching as Molly fussed over him.

Malfoy entered the wing, looking disheveled and most unlike himself. He felt very self-conscious as Harry and Madam Pomfrey and Weasley's mother all turned to look at him. He lifted his chin, daring them to blame him.

The Weasley matriarch jumped off the bed unexpectedly and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "Thank you, Draco, for your quick action. You likely saved his life," she said with a sob.

Draco was flabbergasted and didn't know what to do with the upset woman who was squeezing the air out of him. He awkwardly patted her back. She let him go and turned her attention back to her son.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked, looking at him with a puzzled frown. He'd never seen Draco look so unlike a Malfoy.

He nodded but truthfully felt anything but all right. He had a headache, felt hot and flushed and slightly nauseous. He leaned against a cool stone wall, crossing his arms protectively around himself.

"Poppy, when you got a minute can you check over Malfoy? 'e's not looking too good."

Draco sneered in Hagrid's direction. "I'm fine."

His eyes made contact with Harry's again. "You're still in here?"

Harry looked pissed and nodded curtly. "I'm fine, but I'm not allowed to leave yet."

Snape ran down to his office and started pulling out potions. He was so occupied he didn't notice the light knock at his door and then the door opening.

"Severus? Not losing your hearing are you?" Tonks peered at him.

He jumped slightly, alarmed by her presence. "What do you want?"

She smirked gently. "Are you always this cheerful, or is it just special for me?"

He glared at her. "For your information, Mr. Weasley had a bad encounter with a Lanplashem plant and is currently lying unconscious in the hospital wing. Unlike you, I am attempting to help him recover!"

She paled. "Oh, poor Ron. Here let me help. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be teasing you when the situation is so critical."

Snape's dark eyes looked confused. He hadn't realized that she had been teasing him. "No, I have it under control. I just need to find a blossom of the waddle plant to add to the potion. I had one here somewhere."

She bolted over to him, stubbing her toe on the shelf. She let out a muffled screech as she hopped on one foot, rubbing her toe with her hands. The jarring of the shelf knocked over a bottle of some pink, frothy liquid, which spilled down Snape's shirtfront.

He stood frozen for a moment, wondering how one small witch could even outhavoc the notorious Neville Longbottom. "You're not related to Longbottom, are you?"

She smiled at him. "No. Actually, I'm related to Draco. Why Severus, I didn't know that you could tease."

He snarled at her, "I wasn't."

She grabbed a towel and walked up close in front of him, "I'm sorry, I'm a bit of klutz sometimes."

He snorted in affirmation. When she started brushing the liquid off his shirt, his heart sped up with alarm. No one, aside from Tonks, ever had the nerve to come so close and just touch him like that. His scowl alone kept even the friendliest of people out of his way. Not knowing exactly how to stop her, he stood unmoving, watching her wring out the cloth and smile up at him.

"There now, all better. Hmmm, now let's look for that ingredient."

She left his space again, wandering through his shelves of potions, never knowing the strange effect she had had on him. He suddenly remembered to breathe again. Shaking his head in confusion, he started looking over on the other side of the room.

When he found it, he thanked her for her help but insisted she leave him alone so he could brew the potion. Her presence was too disturbing and distracting when he had to concentrate.

She nodded wordlessly and left the room, throwing one quick glance back at the strange Potions Master, only to find his dark eyes following her out of the room. Once the door closed, she smiled softly to herself.


	5. resentments surface

A/N: _THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU for your wonderful reviews, I really appreciate them. Butterbeer Popsicles for you all. This chapter is dedicated to Rosaleen whose wonderful story "Never Too Late" especially chapter 10 was the inspiration for the occlumency part of this chapter, little Severus' memory of punishments from his father in front of guests.  
_  
Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

Many thanks to my beta staporize!  
**Chapter 5 – Resentments Surface  
**  
"Draco!" Snape called sharply as he entered the room and saw him.

Draco flinched, his heart jumped, and he instantly backed against the wall. "I didn't do this; it was an accident," he stammered.

Snape came to an abrupt halt in front of him. He felt sick seeing Draco's instinctive first reaction.

He softened his tone. "I know it was accident. I never thought otherwise. Are you all right? You didn't brush against the plant anywhere, did you?"

Draco was so relieved that Snape didn't blame him that he just shook his head numbly.

Unexpectedly, Snape hugged him and quietly said, "I'm glad you are all right." He released him just as quickly and took the potion in his hand over to Ron's night table.

Harry watched the exchange quietly, noting Draco's involuntary fearful reaction when Snape first entered. When Snape gave him the quick reassuring hug, he felt jealous, jealous that Sirius wasn't in his life. He looked over at Mrs. Weasley fussing over Ron and the pain of lost memories washed over him. He couldn't remember his mother fussing over him; he had been too young. The one person who had made him feel loved and cared about, the one person who made him feel like he had family, was Sirius and due to his stupid 'saviour thing,' Sirius was gone. For a little while, he felt like Snape was stepping into that role, but after what had happened after the apparation lesson, he doubted he could ever feel that way again. Besides, seeing the brief, unguarded look on Draco's face made his realize how much he needed Snape – it was obvious that he was his lifeline.

Ron felt awful as he slowly regained consciousness. His very eyelids felt like someone had cemented them shut. Bile rose in his throat and he knew he would be sick.

"Here, Ronnie." His mother and Madam Pomfrey helped him sit up and a bucket was placed in front of him. He almost expected slugs to come up, but of course there weren't any. He threw up, feeling even worse than before.

"You're going to be okay. Your body is just trying to expel the toxins from the plant," the mediwitch explained while his mum softly stroked his rusty hair.

Ron shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out horrible feeling of tiny pincers prickling his skin. It was then he realized he could hardly move his legs and arms. He inhaled sharply, trying to keep the panic at bay. He gasped, "I can't feel anything! I can't move!"

"Shh, shh, shh," came his mother's voice as she gently stroked his cheek. "It's one of the side effects of the plant. Just relax, it's only temporary. Professor Snape has brewed up a big batch of antidote that will help over the next few days. You're going to be just fine." She kissed his forehead as Ron closed his eyes in misery.

Harry watched quietly, envying the love and comfort, yet glad that Ron at least had that in his life. His musings were cut short, though, as Ginny, Luna, and Hermione ran breathlessly into the ward and stood near Ron's bed, looking worried.

Ron felt a slight pressure on his hand and opened his eyes. Much to his surprise, he found Luna standing there squeezing his hand. "Weasley is our king," she whispered and smiled at him. Beside her stood Hermione, worry clouding her eyes, and he was suddenly hugged fiercely by Ginny. "Cho saw Hagrid carrying you in here and told Luna, who came and got us. Are you all right?"

Ron groaned inwardly, and mumbled, "No". Here he was, practically puking out his guts, and now he had an audience. He sighed and sleep overcame him before he realized that Harry, Draco, and Snape were all there as well.

While Snape talked to Mrs. Weasely, Madam Pomfrey went over to Draco, feeling his forehead.

"Oh dear, Mr. Malfoy. I believe you were out in the sun too long. Come sit down."

Snape turned. "Draco, why didn't you wear a hat or put on some lotion?"

"I didn't have any," Draco responded as Madam Pomfrey forced him to sit on the edge of a bed.

"And you didn't have the sense to summon some?"

"Severus, stop badgering him! The child is not feeling well," Mrs. Weasley said shrilly.

"I'm not a child!" Draco scowled.

Mrs. Weasley smiled complacently. "Of course you aren't, dear," she said and patted him on the top of his blond head.

Harry barely managed to suppress a chuckle at the annoyed, yet resigned, look on Draco's face.

"Severus, he's dehydrated and he's suffering from heat exhaustion. He needs some fluids and a nice long nap," Madam Pomfrey diagnosed.

Draco got up, tearing out her grasp.

"I'm fine and I certainly don't need a nap!" Draco snarled, his patience rapidly waning.

"You are sounding awfully cranky. Maybe a nap would be just the thing," Hermione chimed in.

Draco glared at her furiously, but she grinned and winked and he realized she was just teasing him. The glare dropped instantly and he looked away, trying to suppress the small smile that surfaced.

"Drink this," Snape ordered, not amused by Draco's defiance. He held out a large bottle containing a murky grayish-green liquid.

The sight of it turned Draco's stomach instantly, his flushed face paled suddenly, and he ran as fast as he could into the washroom. He emptied the remnants of his breakfast.

"Poor boy is nauseous," Madam Pomfrey stated and shook her head in sympathy.

"I'll take care of him," Snape spoke up. He grabbed Draco's arm as he came out of the washroom looking even worse and feeling quite embarrassed. "Drink this down – it will re-hydrate you. And then get onto this bed."

Draco shook his head. "I can't stay here. With Weasley's puking, I'll just feel more nauseous."

Snape sighed wearily. "Ms. Granger, would you mind taking him down to my quarters and ensuring he drink this and lie down on the bed?"

She nodded.

"I don't need an escort. I can get there on my own," Draco stated.

Snape ignored his words, but his intense dark glare made Draco clam up.

"If you encounter anyone on the way, just act disgusted that I ordered you to take care of him. I'm sure the two of you can hurl enough insults at each other to make it believable." His gaze turned back to the blond boy.

"You will go with Ms. Granger and you will do as she says. If I hear of any trouble, you will answer to me! Understood?"

Draco froze, glaring resentfully at Snape but feeling too queasy to mouth off. He gave a quick angry nod, relieved that at least he didn't have to stay in the hospital wing. but mortified by the way Snape ordered him around.

Hermione took the bottle from Snape and smiled softly at Draco. "Do you want to go now or rest for a few minutes?"

"Let's go," he mumbled, throwing a scathing look at Snape.

As soon as they were out in the hallway, Draco turned to her. "I'm fine and I promise to drink that." He wrinkled up his nose. "But, I don't need you walking me down to the dungeon; I can manage that just fine on my own, thanks," he drawled.

"Draco, you are all flushed and sweaty and you just threw up. You are far from fine."

His stormy eyes narrowed and he flushed an even more pink shade. "I only threw up because Weasley did."

Hermione's eyebrow went up and, in an amused voice, she responded, "Why? In sympathy?"

He scowled at her. "Why don't you just go back and fawn over pathetic Potter. I'm sure he'll enjoy your attention!"

Hermione's eyes flashed. "He's not pathetic!"

"Okay fine, he's not pathetic, but you'd rather be by his side than heading down to the dungeons because Snape made you!"

Hermione quietly stated, "He's just worried about you, you know."

Draco stared stonily in front of him as they walked down the stairs.

Hermione sighed loudly.

Draco stopped. "I didn't ask for your help. We can both just pretend that you did what Snape asked."

"Will you stop being such an insufferable git! You're not feeling well and I'm going to take care of you and I don't care how pissed off you are!"

His eyes narrowed and turned icy.

She looked at him calmly. "The angrier you get, the better your chances are of being sick again. If you want to hurl all over the staircase, that's your prerogative, but the smart thing would be to stay calm and follow Snape's instructions."

He turned from her wordlessly, not trusting his voice since he was so furious. He continued walking towards the dungeon.

Hermione couldn't resist enthusiastically responding with a "Good boy," like she was rewarding a dog that had just performed a trick.

She noticed Draco twitch like he was using every ounce of restraint within him to not hex her.

When they got to Snape's private rooms, she felt guilty for making him angry as he immediately headed to the wash room and was, once again, sick. When he was done, his strained voice quietly said, "You can go now. I'm going to take a shower and then I'll drink that awful stuff."

"You need to drink it now or you won't start feeling better."

He came out, looking the worse for wear, held out his hand for the bottle, opened it, and drank it all down, grimacing at the end. He looked at her pointedly, raising an eyebrow. "YOU can go now!" Then he turned, dismissing her, and headed back into the bathroom.

She gritted her teeth but decided to stay. "Sometimes he's like a Blast-Ended Screwt and has to be handled with care," she said to Loki, who wound himself around her legs and gave an agreeable 'mmmfh.' She transfigured some water into ice like she had the time Draco twisted his ankle, and after chipping it into tiny pieces, she wrapped it in a cloth.

After his shower, Draco came out in Snape's black bathrobe. Much to his surprise, he found Hermione still standing there.

"I thought you'd left," he commented, sneering.

"Obviously not. You look awful. Do you feel any better at all?"

He wanted to lie and say yes, but the truth was he did feel awful and dizzy and didn't have the energy to argue with Miss Know-It-All. He mumbled, "No."

"Are you feeling dizzy? You look a little woozy."

Draco gave an annoyed snort at her words. "Malfoys don't get woozy!"

Hermione sighed. "Fine then. You look dizzy, like you are suffering from vertigo, your equilibrium looks unbalanced, should I go on...?"

"Okay, okay, I get it." He suddenly smirked lightly. "I do feel a bit...woozy."

Hermione laughed softly, grabbed the cold cloths, and put a big pillow on her lap. "Come lie down before you faint."

He stood there with the customary scowl on his face.

She sighed again and rephrased to pacify that damn Malfoy pride of his. "Before you lose consciousness, pass out, hit the floor."

He hesitated. "You want me to lie on your lap?"

"Mmmhmmm," she responded, pulling a blanket closer.

He awkwardly lay down on the bed, feeling incredibly tired. Hermione put one ice-filled cloth on his forehead and other one on the back of his neck.

What are you doing?" he asked groggily.

"It's something my mother used to do when I had a fever."

He groaned. "Great! Some muggle method. It's the last thing I need."

"Just shut up and close your eyes."

He did as she said and realized how good the two cloths felt. Hermione gently smoothed back his still damp hair. "Better, Draco?"

He mumbled something inaudible, but it sounded affirmative. Before Hermione could utter another word, he had fallen asleep. She lightly stroked his shoulder and smiled to herself. A short six months ago, the idea of Draco Malfoy asleep with his head in her lap would have been ludicrous. She sat back against the headboard. He stirred softly, wrapping one arm around her knee. She couldn't resist running her fingers through that light blond hair; it really was a striking colour. She stayed still, watching him sleep for at least an hour. Then, when Professor Snape came in, she gently slid him off her lap with the pillow. He moaned softly and flipped over to lie on his stomach, his arm hugging the pillow as Loki curled up by his side. When she thought that Snape wasn't looking, she leaned over and softly kissed his cheek once, whispering, "Sweet dreams."

Hours later he woke up slowly, realizing that he was lying on his stomach and his head was no longer in Hermione's lap. He looked up at Snape's dark-eyed concerned gaze. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay."

Snape reached out to help him sit up, but he pulled back. Snape frowned. "Draco?"

The light eyes flashed at him angrily. "Why do you have to embarrass me in front of the golden trio all the time!"

Snape scowled a bit. "Because sometimes you don't use common sense and incidents like today will only lead to you, or others, getting hurt!"

"I didn't hurt Weasley!" Draco responded angrily.

"I know you didn't and, in fact, you likely saved his life, but if that hadn't happened, you would have spent a few more hours out in the sun and instead of experiencing the mild discomfort you are now in, you would be suffering form a bad case of heat stroke."

Draco was still furious and hurt all at the same time.

"Drink this and then we'll get going with the Occlumency lesson."

Extreme dread gripped Draco's heart. He took the glass Snape offered. "I, I don't feel well enough. I think I'm going to be sick again," he mumbled quietly.

Snape's hand shot out feeling his forehead. "I think you are going to be just fine." He noted the resentful look Draco flashed him so he softened his tone. "I know how bad the first lesson was, but you know it is necessary. The headmaster and I spoke, and I will take it very slow. I promise that I will end each lesson after one memory if you haven't succeeded in blocking me out. We will talk about it and make sure you can deal with it calmly. We are all here for you and you won't have to deal with anything by yourself ever again. Just be open with us."

Draco, still looking extremely uncomfortable, nodded reluctantly.

Snape softly reassured him. "It's all right to be scared."

The gray eyes snapped up at him. "I'm _not_ scared."

Snape didn't respond, just raised his eyebrow. Draco's gaze dropped to the floor, knowing that Snape knew the truth.

"What worked for Harry was concentrating his anger at the person invading his mind and directing it back at them. This way he was able to force me out of his mind. Give that try and see if it works. Ready?"

Draco responded with a shaky yes and stood, looking apprehensive with his wand drawn. Snape's heart went out to him as he looked at him. He wished it wasn't necessary; he hated torturing him with his past. He sighed.

"Clear your mind. Focus on repelling me," came Snape's instruction. "_Legilimens_"

_Images swirled around in his head. He was a five-year-old once again, and his parents were having a dinner party. He was forced to sit at the table with the adults even though he had been ill for two days. The meal set in front of him was sautéed cow brains. The smell and mushy look of them flipped his stomach. Without thinking, he yelled out loud, "I'm not eating this!" Everyone turned to look at him. _

His father stood up and threw his napkin down angrily. Draco whimpered.

"You have been taught better than to behave like this at the dinner table," Lucius had quietly snarled. "I apologize for my son's behaviour, and as such you may witness his punishment." Lucius pulled him up and stood him on the chair in front of all the guests. He punished him using his wand as a switch. Draco, between his own sobs, heard the guests applauding and encouraging Lucius.

Snape lifted the spell quickly. Draco was left trembling and gripping the side of the desk, overwhelmed by the shame and embarrassment of being punished in front of all those people. The only voice that had spoken up in protest that day had been Snape's. He had only known him as his father's friend who had always been kind to him. _He had heard him snarl in an angry, but controlled voice, "That's enough Lucius." Lucius had stopped hitting him, and sat him down hard back in the chair, threatening, "You will not leave the table until you finish every bite of this." _

He had sat there his head down on his arms, quietly crying. As far as his father's punishments went, it hadn't been bad - just a half a dozen hits - but he had felt so ashamed. When the guests finished, they went into another room. He then felt a hand gently stroke the top of his head. A soft voice had said, "Shhh, little one. You're all right now. I suspect you are more embarrassed than badly hurt, and you're going to be okay. Why don't you go on to your room."

He had cried that he couldn't until he finished his food. As he looked up tearfully, Snape had pulled out his wand and make his dinner disappear. "It will be our secret. Go on now."

He had wiped his face and had stood up on shaky legs. He had looked up at the dark eyes that looked at him so concerned and burst into tears. Snape had dropped down to his level, put his hands on his shoulders, and pulled him close. He had sat down on the chair and lifted him onto his lap, holding him tight against his chest and had spoken to him in a quiet and soothing voice.

"It's over now, Draco. Your father was just embarrassed and wanted to embarrass you in turn. Hush now." When his sobs quieted, Snape whispered softly, "Go on to your room now, everything will be all right."

Draco's eyes closed tightly as the memory ended. His breaths came in shallow pants. He once again felt Snape's hand on his head.

"I remember that incident," his voice came softly.

Draco took a deep breath. "You've always been nice to me. You gave me my first potions set." He sniffed softly.

Anger had welled up in Snape seeing Draco's memory of that time. He had been furious with Lucius for doing that to him. Snape's father had done something similar to him on a number of occasions and he still felt vulnerable and humiliated whenever those memories resurfaced.

"Did he ever do anything like that again, when I wasn't around?" Snape asked, wondering if his conversation with Lucius that day had at least had some effect on him.

Draco shook his head. "No, never in front of other people again"

Snape sighed heavily. "My father did similar things to me on a number of occasions. He usually encouraged his guests to assist him in his punishments." He spoke in a low, pained voice.

Draco's wide eyes looked up at him. "You really know how I feel sometimes, don't you."

Snape nodded. "Unfortunately, yes."

Draco continued slowly, "My mother, that night she..."

Snape frowned. "What did she do?"

"She was furious at me for disrupting the party. She didn't think that my father had punished me adequately, so she came into my room and caned me."

"WHAT!" Snape growled.

Draco looked up in alarm "She only hit me twice before my father came into the room and stopped her. He told her that she wasn't allowed to hurt me, that he had already punished me, and that he was the only one who could. She never hit me again after that. He sat with me for a few minutes until I stopped crying. I loved him for that," Draco explained quietly.

Snape winced inwardly. He reached over and pulled Draco to him, holding him for a moment before he squirmed out of his grasp.

"I'm okay.. He talked to me, he told me what it meant to be a Malfoy. He said that he was sorry for hitting me, but that sometimes he needed to do so to make me learn what was expected of me and to teach me to honour the Malfoy name. He told me he knew I would make him proud."

Draco's voice became strained and he turned away from Snape, biting back the tears that threatened to choke him as he remembered his father patting him gently on his back and his words just before he fell asleep. "You are my son, Draco. I know you will make me proud."

When Snape went to put his hand on the trembling teen's shoulder, he pulled away abruptly as a small sob escaped. "Don't."

Snape patiently held back. He knew how emotional Occlumency memories could be, and Draco was struggling for control.

When he took a deep shaky breath, Snape knew he had won the battle.

Draco gave a shaky smile. "I guess I didn't make him very proud." His eyes filled up and, once again, he turned away, swearing softly.

"You would have made any father proud. You work hard, you are smart, and you are resourceful. You can't judge yourself on Lucius' expectations. Cruelty, prejudice, and arrogance aren't good measures of character."

Snape stepped closer, putting his hand comfortingly on the back of Draco's neck. This time he didn't pull away. "Are you all right now?" Snape asked softly.

Draco nodded, allowing Snape to reach out to him for a moment.

"You are really going to need to concentrate on blocking me out of your thoughts."

Draco pulled back, softly agreeing. "I know, it's just so hard when the memories come."

"I know it's painful. I had the same problems when the headmaster taught me. Harry also took a long time to learn."

Draco shook slightly, remembering the shared Occlumency lesson when his whole life had been exposed.

Snape sighed. "Go get some dinner and then some sleep. Here's some Dreamless Sleep potion. You are looking rather weary lately and I think you could use it."

Draco appreciated that Snape didn't attempt to make him talk about his nightmares. He obviously knew about them, but didn't press him. He smiled gratefully and took the small vial as he headed to the Great Hall.

After grabbing a small vial, Snape went back to the hospital wing to check on Weasley and to talk to Harry.

The red head was snoring softly. Snape had spoken to Madam Pomfrey in the hallway and she assured him that Weasley, aside from being sick two more times, was doing much better and was starting to feel some tingling in his legs. She predicted he would be able to go to his classes by Monday morning. She also told him Potter would be released right after dinner; he had spent some time with Ron and then had fallen asleep for an hour, so she felt he was well enough to spend the night in the dorm.

Harry was sitting on his bed with a resentful look on his face.

Snape knew the last thing he wanted to do was see and talk to him.

He held out the vial. "Potter, take this," he ordered.

Harry looked suspiciously at the small vial. "What is it?"

"A calming potion for your nerves. I need to talk to you and I want to ensure you don't have another episode, since I am certain you won't like what I have to say.

Harry grew angry. How _dare_ Snape?

"I am not interested in anything you have to say, "Harry replied stiffly.

"Don't be an idiot. Your behaviour has an impact on all of our futures. Drink the potion," Snape reiterated in a low, dangerous tone.

Despite everything, Harry still retained a smidgen of fear when it came to Snape. He wouldn't put it past him to cast a spell or hex that would force the potion down his throat. With fury shining from his eyes, he downed the contents of the vial.

He expected to see a gleam of satisfaction in Snape's eyes, but there was nothing in the cold, dark expression.

Snape waited a few moments, presumably for the potion to take effect. "I will apologize again for having upset you enough to warrant another attack, but I need to ensure that you will not act so foolishly again to jeopardize what we have worked so hard for."

Harry snorted. "_We_ aren't the ones Voldemort is after. It's me that he wants, and I've had to face him every time. If _we _have any chance of succeeding, then _I_ have to excel at everything. If that means being one step ahead of your precious Draco, then I will continue to do so!"

Snape's eyes narrowed. "So you are telling me you still haven't realized how badly you jeopardized the plan with your arrogance? The Order's extra training for all of you was put at risk. I could have been exposed. Not to mention that you could have been seriously hurt and ended up at St. Mungo's for months! Are you really that dimwitted?" Snape snarled.

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but couldn't think of anything that would explain how he felt. He glared at Snape.

Snape took a deep breath, calming himself. "Let me explain it in explicit detail."

"Don't bother," Harry interrupted.

"Oh, I will bother and you _will_ listen." Snape sat down on the edge of the bed.

"If Tonks hadn't known how to get you out of the splinch, the ministry would have had to be notified. They would have questioned why we are teaching you skills outside of Hogwarts, and they would have wanted to know who was teaching..."

"I would have lied," Harry interrupted again.

Snape looked at him, clearly displeased. "As accomplished as you are at lying, they would not hesitate to use Veritaserum on you to discover the truth. The Order would have been exposed, the Dark Lord would have found out, I would have been exposed, and you would likely be incapacitated. The Dark Lord would certainly have enjoyed that. Your little ploy was foolish, childish, and dangerous. If you are to succeed, you need to use your brain and think things through. Most importantly, listen to those who are trying to help and teach you!"

Harry felt like a chastised child about to be sent to his room without dinner. Resentment burned in him. At that moment, he hated Snape for making him feel that way, yet he hated him even more for being right. He knew, in retrospect, what he did was wrong and that it could have gotten them all in trouble, but the last thing he wanted to do was admit it to Snape.

Snape looked at him, shaking his head. "Well, is there at least an apology for your actions coming soon?"

Harry scoffed. "Right! An apology from me to you? Remember, I was the one lying on the ground thanks to your words."

Snape sighed. "For which I apologized." His dark eyes bore into Harry. "When you splinched yourself, you startled me badly. I have seen wizards splinched before and it can be a very serious and painful injury. I did not want to see that happen to you."

Harry's resentment lessened a bit.

Snape stood up. "Think about what you did and how it could have jeopardized everything. I'm assuming you don't want to do that and you don't want the Dark Lord to win." With a whirl of his black cloak, Snape exited, leaving Harry with a heavy heart.


	6. WORRIES

**A/N:** _I am so SORRY I almost didn't get this chapter up. Thanks to all of you who kept sending me emails to update it inspired me to make some time to write. Although for the first time in a long time, I actually had writer's block. The story was in my head but I just couldn't seem to get it out. When I did finally get it down on paper and was almost finished, I decided to enter what I wrote right onto an email and send it to myself at work so I could finish it over lunch. Well, my email never got there and I hadn't saved a copy of it. So I had to enter it all in again. Then, before I could finish it, I decided to cancel my Internet provider and take a new, better one. Turned out it took a few days to hook me back up. Then on Sunday I got into fanfic and read someone's story and was so annoyed by it that when I went to review I couldn't log in. I thought something was wrong with fanfic, but then realized that with my new internet provider. My password didn't come up automatically and I had kept entering the wrong one. Oksy, so once again, humblest apologies and the next chapter won't take as long as this one did. Oh, and thank you all for your reviews and your personal emails regarding who Harry and Draco should talk to. The top choice, by a slim margin, was each other, followed closely by Hermione for Draco and Ginny for Harry, then McGonagall for Draco and Lupin for Harry. I've decided to do a bit of all, which carries over to the next chapter. Okay, I'll shut up and on with the story. Err… better late than never, I hope._

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

Big thank you to my lovely beta Staporize!

**Chapter Six - WORRIES**

Lupin regarded him curiously. Draco Malfoy was a jumble of emotions: one moment vulnerable, the next angry, condescending, and arrogant. Right now, he stood before him, looking as if he would rather be anywhere in the world than here in the classroom with him.

"Draco? Are you ready?"

His chin lifted up arrogantly. "I don't see why I have to learn this," he stated flatly.

"Because you would succumb to a dementor in seconds after what you went through last winter. You need to be able to conjure up a patronus. The boggart is perfect for such learnings, as it takes on the shape of what you most fear. If you are able to send a patronus as a defense, you will be able to ward off a dementor."

Draco stood quietly for a moment, debating Lupin's words. Then, resigned, he shrugged. "Fine, let's get to it then."

"Before we start, I want you to focus on a happy memory." Lupin gave him a few moments then said, "Ready? Shall I will let the boggart out?"

Draco took a deep breath, but inwardly he trembled. He nodded then closed his eyes and thought of the incredible feeling of catching the snitch during the game against Ravenclaw. When he opened his eyes, Snape lay on the floor, dead, in front of him.

"Nooooo..." he screamed.

"It's just a boggart. It's not real," Lupin yelled. "Focus!"

Shaken, Draco tried to think of the Quidditch match, but the image from his nightmare blocked his memory. Snape's dead body transformed into Lucius holding his wand with a malicious smile on his face as he spat out "_Avada Kedavra."_

Draco backed away, holding his wand and his hand shaking uncontrollably as Lupin shouted "_Riddikulus_." As usual, the boggart become a shiny orb and then vanished.

He felt cold and clammy and a lump swelled up in throat. Gentle hands dropped onto Draco's shoulders. Startled, he pulled away, his eyes wide, his face ashen. Dumbledore stood behind him.

"It's okay, Draco, calm down. You'll get it soon."

He nodded and took some deep breaths.

"Remus, I'm sorry for interrupting. I just wanted to bring you these notes." Dumbledore turned back to the teen. "Do you mind if I stay for the next lesson?"

Draco's stomach flipped. Dumbledore had seen him at his absolute worst when he had bawled all over him last year. He was still embarrassed to be around him because of that. He certainly didn't want the headmaster to watch this when he had such a hard time staying in control. He shook his head. "Please don't." His voice sounded hoarse and he quickly cleared his throat.

There was kindness and understanding in the headmaster's eyes. He nodded just before he turned to leave. "I understand congratulations are in order. You apparated on the first try. That's quite the feat, Draco. You should be very proud of yourself; I know that Professor Snape is. Well done, that's quite a nice memory." He reached out and lightly patted Draco's cheek before turning and exiting the room.

Lupin praised the headmaster silently; he was a very perceptive man. Those words were exactly what Draco needed at the moment.

"Shall we try again?"

Uncertainty flashed through Draco's eyes and the smile that had crept up at the headmaster's words vanished instantly.

"I need a minute," Draco said in a voice just above a whisper.

"Take all the time you need," Lupin responded patiently.

Draco threw him a grateful look. Lupin was glad to see it. His name was listed on Draco's guardianship papers, also, yet between Severus, Albus, and Minerva, he knew the boy was least likely to turn to him in an event of need. He needed to change that to ensure he felt comfortable.

The blond teen paced restlessly back and forth along the stone wall. He seemed to get more agitated rather than calmer.

"Draco, please come sit with me for a moment."

He looked at the werewolf with suspicion. Although Lupin had been nice to him on various occasions, he remembered how he had threatened to tie him to the bed whenever he wanted to get up during his recovery from his father's beating. He was always so quiet and calm yet intimidating all the same. He didn't want to feel intimated – hated that he did, in fact – yet, at the same time, he appreciated that Lupin was always so quiet and patient. He never yelled at him like Snape did.

Lupin had sat down on a bench and patted the spot next to him. He went hesitantly over to him.

"I think perhaps we should discuss the boggart first before you start concentrating on a happy memory."

"I know what a boggart is," Draco responded impatiently.

"Yes, that's true, but you missed a few classes in your third year so you never actually encountered one till this year."

Draco grew quiet. He had purposely missed them, claiming that his hippogriff injury was causing him agony.

"You know you are safe at Hogwarts; your father cannot get in."

He nodded. He knew all of that, but it didn't stop the nightmares.

"Professor Snape is safe here also. Your father cannot kill him, nor would he be likely to because it would anger You-Know-Who."

Draco knew his father was terrified of the Dark Lord and that was likely the real reason he hadn't killed Snape last time. He glanced at Lupin who smiled at him softly and got up. He touched his shoulder lightly, reassuringly. "You can do it. I won't pressure you, though. You can learn at your own pace."

His heart still beat wildly and he felt very apprehensive, but he was a little calmer now that Lupin put no pressure on him.

The boggart immediately became his father again, this time snapping a whip.

Draco took a deep breath and pointed his wand while trying to focus on Snape's smile and Tonks' grin when he had apparated. He shouted "_Expectro Patronum_" and a wisp of vapor came out of his wand. As his father advanced fury shining from his eyes, Draco couldn't stop the shudder that tore through him, but he shouted again: "_Expectro Patronum_!" Nothing happened the second time. Lupin quickly jumped in and banished the boggart back to the cupboard.

"I'm not doing this!" Draco shouted at him. He was breathing hard and shaking.

Lupin reached out towards him, but he backed away, his eyes wild and stormy. "I'm useless at this! I'll never get it right and I won't do it!"

"You will get it, I promise. You almost had it, Draco. You were closer than ever before. I saw the shadow of a patronus," Lupin encouraged him quietly.

Once he calmed down again and got his breathing under control, he realized that Lupin was right.

"Professor Lupin, could you tell what it was?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, not yet. It was too faint and not defined. I'm sure that whatever it is, it will be impressive," Lupin assured.

Draco smiled at him weakly.

"Would you like to stop here for now and continue with the rest of the class or would you prefer to work privately on another day?"

He was silent for a moment. Now that he'd at least had a little progress, he figured he could make the effort. "I'll try with the others."

Lupin smiled at him. "I'll see you later then."

Draco went to leave, but he hesitated at the door. "Thanks."

"Anytime I can help," came Lupin's reply.

* * *

Harry sat by Ron's bed. They were playing wizards chess. Ron had regained the feeling in his legs, but he was still very weak. Madam Pomfrey had let him out of the bed for short walks and then made him drink strengthening potions. He would be able to attend classes on Monday.

"I have to admit I was shocked to wake up and find Snape by my bedside. He was actually quite civil. Wanted to know if I was in pain and then reassured me I'd be all right," Ron said as moved his bishop. Harry looked up briefly then, with an angry expression, looked at the wall.

"Harry? What's going on? Are you still pissed at him for what he said?"

Harry glared at him instead of the wall. "You heard what he said. How do you think I feel?"

Ron looked thoughtful. "I guess after all this time it wasn't unexpected. He was pretty mad at you and you didn't follow his and Tonks' instructions. You know how much he hates that."

Harry stood up abruptly. "I have to go!"

Ron snorted in frustration. "Come on, don't be git. You know I'm on your side."

Eyes blazing, Harry shot back, "Doesn't seem like it to me." He angrily left the ward. When he got to the stairs, he stopped and took a deep breath. He knew it wasn't Ron's fault, but he just didn't want to talk about Snape.

"Hi, Harry." Ginny came over with a bag of chocolate frogs in her hand. "I'm on my way to see my clumsy brother and ...what's wrong?" she asked, looking concerned at this stormy expression.

"NOTHING!" he shouted at her as he continued angrily down the stairs.

Her eyes narrowed. "You don't need to take it out on me!" she shouted after him, shaking her head in frustration.

Later that afternoon, they were gathered in Lupin's office again, this time Snape was with him. Snape looked very uncomfortable, but Lupin had thought his presence would be very beneficial to Draco. If the boggart turned into a dead Snape again, Snape would be on hand to reassure him. He hadn't told Snape about Draco's boggart, since he felt it was the teen's prerogative to tell his guardian.

Draco looked equally uncomfortable when he entered and saw Snape. He had questioned why he was there and when Snape told him, Draco flatly stated that he didn't need him there. A very brief look of hurt flashed in Snape's eyes but, despite his ward's wishes, he stayed. Draco became unresponsive and sullen.

Harry had glared at Snape when he entered and looked rather uncomfortable also.

As the lesson started, Hermione's otter was in perfect form. Harry's stag wavered a little as he had trouble focusing on a happy memory and was disturbed by Snape's presence.

Draco looked very nervous when it was his turn. He glanced at Lupin, who smiled encouragingly, and his gaze drifted over to Snape, whose dark eyes looked sympathetic. "I know you can do it, Draco," he encouraged with confidence.

Hermione and Harry both nodded at him and he focused with everything in him on how he felt when he had apparated. Lupin was about to release the boggart when someone cried out sharply. Draco opened his eyes, annoyed that he had been interrupted. Snape was gritting his teeth and had grasped his arm. Lupin rushed over to him. "Severus"?

"I have to go," gasped Snape.

"NO!" Draco shouted, his insides twisting in fear. "You can't go!"

Snape was pale and trembling slightly. "I have to."

Draco grabbed his other arm. "He'll kill you! My father will kill you." His voice dropped to a frantic whisper.

"It will be all right." Lupin gently pulled him back, but he angrily wrenched himself out of his grasp, shouting at Snape. "If you meant what you said and you care about me, you won't go!" His voice acquired a note of desperation.

"Draco, stop! You're not being fair," Lupin spoke up, seeing the added pain on Snape's face.

With regret in his eyes, Snape responded quietly, trying to reassure Draco. "I'm sorry, but you need to understand that I have to do this." He then glanced briefly at Harry, whose green eyes were wide with worry and his face was pale.

Harry bit his lip. "Be...careful."

Snape nodded and vanished out the door.

Draco stood still for a moment frozen by the panic he felt. When Lupin made a move towards him, he tore out the door, his breathing strained.

"Let me talk to him," Harry said as he followed.

Hermione suppressed the urge to run after both of them; maybe they could help each other.

Draco had run at top speed down to the lake. Harry had a hard time keeping him in sight. He glanced around to make sure no one else was nearby, but few people had wandered out on the damp, dark, foggy day, a sharp contrast to the one before. He finally caught sight of the silvery blond head and went over to him.

He was gasping for air as Harry knelt down by him. He looked up, his eyes wide with fear, as he wheezed out, "Can't breathe."

Harry shook his head. "You're hyperventilating. You need to calm down." He pulled out his wand and transfigured an old crumpled leaf into a paper bag. Years ago when Dudley had thrown a tantrum and hyperventilated, Aunt Petunia had made 'Diddykins' breathe into a paper bag and it had seemed to help.

"Here, breathe into it." He handed it to the pale boy. Draco, between wheezes, glanced over. Revulsion crossed his face as he knocked it away.

Frustrated, Harry sighed. "Don't be such a prat. It's a muggle method, but it really works."

Somewhere in Draco's muddled brain he remembered how Hermione's muggle method had worked. Desperate, he grabbed the bag and, with shaking hands, held it over his face.

"That's it, just breathe into it and try and relax.," Harry said, patting his back. After awhile, as his breathing calmed. Draco pulled his face away from the bag and threw it away angrily.

He looked at Harry. "Well, Potter? Aren't you going to give me the pep talk now on how everything will be all right and Snape will be fine and all will be wonderful?" He couldn't help but sneer at the dark-haired boy.

Harry glanced at him briefly and shook his head. "No, because I don't know if that will happen," he responded quietly.

Draco looked surprised. They both stared out at the lake. "I hate this! I hate him for going! Why does he let himself be like a slave?"

Harry's eyebrows shot up. "Aren't you being a bit of hypocrite considering that, until a while ago, you were perfectly willing to be a slave to Voldemort?"

He flinched visibly at Harry's use of the Dark Lord's name and then he grew angrier. "I never wanted to be anyone's slave. I just didn't know what it was like. My father always said it was wonderful – the power and prestige of being a Death Eater and fighting for all we believed in."

"Calm down or you'll hyperventilate again. Snape's not a slave. He made the choice to be a spy and he's good at it."

"He didn't have to go," Draco responded, sulking.

Harry snorted, annoyed. "Of course he did! Voldemort demands loyalty."

"Just shut up Potter!" He got up, intending to find himself a Potterless spot to sit and think.

"I don't want anything to happen to him either, especially..." Harry's voice trailed off.

Draco stopped. "Especially what? What? Since you started to care for him? Think of him as a parental substitute? Think of him as you did your godfather?"

Harry sighed wearily. "No. Since I wouldn't forgive him and didn't tell him I was sorry for endangering the Order when I screwed up at apparition."

"Oh." Puzzled, he sat back down. "He was pretty pissed at you." He grinned a bit.

Harry shot him a scathing look. "If you're just going to razz me about it or gloat because you got it, you might as well leave."

Draco bit his lip, his eyes softened, and he even looked a tad apologetic. "I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it."

"Err, right," Harry responded, but his green eyes looked unconvinced.

"I can't lose him," Draco suddenly said in small, quiet voice.

A tightness formed in Harry's throat when he thought back to last June. He had felt the same way when he thought Voldemort had Sirius. He hoarsely replied, "Hopefully you won't have to."

Draco glanced at him. Harry stared at the ground, his black hair falling over his forehead. He could see him blinking quickly and realized he was thinking about his godfather.

"How do you get over losing the one person in the world that means a lot to you?" he asked softly.

Harry laughed harshly. "I'll let you know if I ever find out."

"Sorry...I." He didn't know how to continue.

"It's okay. I don't want you to find out, and I don't, for my reasons, want to lose Snape either. He's like a mentor to me and I really do care what happens to him. He helped me a lot last fall and I'll always be grateful to him."

Draco grew quiet. He wondered if Potter knew how much Snape actually cared for him. A part of him didn't want to tell him because he knew Snape wasn't likely to, but the part of him that had grown in these last few months felt guilty keeping quiet. He sighed. "Snape told me at the end of last year that he actually thought of you like a son."

Harry's eyes grew wide. He didn't know if hearing that made him feel better or worse. He felt kind of warm thinking that the man who secretly loved his mother thought of him that way, but it also made him feel even guiltier for the way he had behaved. If Snape died now... The aggravating tightness in his throat came back. He cleared his throat loudly and with a teasing grin, in an effort to distract himself as well as Malfoy, responded, "So, Malfoy. I guess that makes us brothers."

Draco snorted. "When flobberworms fly! That won't ever happen. Snape and I are Slytherins, not a goody two shoes Gryffindors."

Harry laughed, glad that the mood had somewhat lightened. "No, you're right! I can't be calling some Slytherin ferret my brother."

Draco smirked. "Shut up or I'll hex you."

Harry grinned. "I better get back before someone sees us together. Are you feeling a bit better now?"

The smile faded as fast as it had come. "No."

"Will you at least try not to hyperventilate again?"

The blond head nodded.

"Right then." Harry turned to leave when Draco cleared his throat. He turned back to look at him.

"Thanks for the paper bag."

"You're welcome. Remember the bag thing, it works." When a sad look once again crossed Harry's features, he left.

A well of anxiety formed again in Draco's chest. He shivered slightly. Snape had to be all right.

* * *

As Harry made his way back to Hogwarts, Ginny came out the door with her Quidditch broom in hand. She looked him angrily and brushed past him.

"Ginny, wait," he called after her.

"What do you want?" She turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. I was angry at Snape and I took it out on you and Ron," he said quietly.

His eyes looked so sincere that she couldn't stay mad at him. "All right, just don't do it again."

He nodded.

"Did something happen?" She looked at him intently, wondering why he looked so down and worried.

He shook his head.

She made a face. "I'm not dumb, you know. It's obvious you're upset."

Harry looked around to make sure no one was nearby that could hear. When a group of first years came down the steps, he took Ginny's arm and led her off to the side. "Snape was called to a Death Eater meeting."

She nodded as understanding crossed her features. "You're afraid that he'll be killed."

Harry swallowed heavily. "I don't think I can handle another death."

Ginny didn't know what to say. Her heart went out to him as he stood there, focusing on a nearby tree, the wind blowing his hair. He looked so isolated, so alone. She reached out and touched his arm and smiled at him.

"It won't do any good to worry about him. Whatever happens, it wouldn't be your fault. You know that."

His eyes looked into hers. "Ginny, I don't want anything to happen to him."

She nodded, stepping closer. "It will be all right."

He looked down into Ginny's blue eyes, so full of warmth and sympathy. When she reached up to hug him lightly, he wrapped his arms around her for a moment and closed his eyes. After a moment, he let go of her and pulled back. His eyes still looked sad and haunted. "Thanks, Ginny."

She smiled at him wistfully, knowing that he was still sad and worried. She also knew that he didn't want sympathy. Harry the hero, always trying to be strong for everyone, never allowing himself to show any weakness. All of that just made him even more special in her eyes. She walked towards the Quidditch field, her thoughts full of the green-eyed wizard.


	7. distressed

**A/N:** _Thank you for all the reviews, I LOVE them, there will be another chapter in a two weeks at the most. No-one guessed my choices for Draco's patronus. A ferret would be hilarious but it wasn't one of the top three. Jadyn Potter you were close, I did consider a bat at one point...you were on the right path. So you will now all have to wait until a dementor shows up to see what it is. I'll give you a hint; James Potter's animagus form is Harry's protector patronus so Snape's animagus form will be Draco's patronus._

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter Six – Distressed**

As Harry went inside he encountered Lupin in the hallway. "Harry would you  
join me in my office for a moment?" His eyes were concerned.  
  
He nodded and followed him into the room.  
  
Lupin sat down on the end of his desk. "How's Draco?"  
  
"Upset, he was hyperventilating when I found him but we talked for a bit  
and he was ok when I left."  
  
Lupin nodded. "The thought of losing Professor Snape made him have a panic  
attack. I think he is still suffering from the repercussions of Lucius'  
actions last year. " He looked intensely at Harry. "How are you feeling?"  
  
The black haired teen shrugged.  
  
Lupin regarded him quietly. Despite Harry's evasiveness he could see the  
worry etched on his face.  
  
"I have every confidence that Professor Snape will return but if he were to  
meet with tragedy you know you have a lot of support from myself, all  
members of the order and all of your many friends."  
  
Harry nodded distractedly. "He was furious with me when I screwed up an  
apparating lesson."  
  
"I know all about it."  
  
He looked surprised. "You do?"  
  
"Of course, anything that results in you being admitted to the hospital  
wing, the members of the order are informed."  
  
Harry snorted, his anger flowing momentarily. "Great, so if I break a toe  
everyone will know."  
  
Lupin smiled slightly. "Well perhaps nothing so insignificant." He then  
continued. "Judging by your expression at finding Snape at today's lesson I  
assume you hadn't reached an understanding?"  
  
He shook his head. "He insulted my dad and Sirius again, I couldn't forgive  
him and he wanted an apology from me for jeopardizing the order."  
  
"And you didn't apologize," Lupin stated softly. "and you regret that now."  
  
Harry bit his lip" I keep remembering how he took me the veil and when he  
taught me occlumency last year and helped me deal with Sirius' death."  
  
"When he returns I suggest you talk to him. You need to let him know how  
much you appreciated these things. If something were to happen to him at  
some point you'll feel better for having said them and for forgiving him  
his lapses in controlling his temper. He does care about you very much."  
  
"Malfoy said that he sort of thought of me as a son." Lupin's eyes widened with surprise. "That's a remarkable admission for Severus, especially to Draco."  
  
Harry grew quiet. 'I know." He stared at his toes, his black hair falling forward shielding his eyes. "He...he apparently had feelings for my mother."  
  
"Yes, yes he did."  
  
Harry looked up startled. "You knew?"  
  
Lupin nodded. "I saw them together once and spoke to Lily about it. I was worried for her but she assured me that Severus would never harm her. She cared about him but under no circumstances was I to let Sirius or James know. It was their secret. I could see the look in Severus' eyes sometimes when he looked at her and thought no one else was looking. His feelings went beyond friendship."  
  
Harry's green eyes looked worried. "What about my mothers?"  
  
"She felt compassion for Snape aside from that I don't really know. When he took the dark mark, she was angry and disappointed. It was from that point onwards that her relationship with James intensified."  
  
Harry asked hesitantly. "If Snape hadn't taken the dark mark do you think my mother would have ended up with him?"  
  
Lupin's eyes darkened. "I honestly don't know how deep her feelings were whether they went beyond friendship..." His voice trailed off.  
  
Harry kept seeing the image from Snape's memory of him holding his mother's dead body. It brought back the reality of what a sad life he had. Would he be alive long enough to ever experience any happiness or was Voldemort torturing him to death at this moment?  
  
"Harry?" Lupin asked gently worried about the desolate look on his face.  
  
He looked up smiling wryly and sighed. "It doesn't really matter anymore, both my parents are dead, I'll never know."  
  
"They both loved you very much, that's what matters. And if Snape has managed to get over his hatred and jealousy of your father enough to admit that he cares about you, that's a huge improvement."  
  
Harry nodded. "I just hope he's ok."  
  
"Me too." Lupin smiled reassuringly. 

Draco walked into Hogwarts and was about to head into the dungeon when  
Hermione came down the stairs.  
  
She glanced around to make sure she wouldn't be overheard. "Are you ok?"  
  
He nodded, even though his chest felt tight again. "Potter made me breathe  
into a paper bag, yet another wonderful muggle invention." He replied  
sarcastically.  
  
Hermione replied with a touch of impatience in her voice, "well since you  
aren't gasping for air it must have worked."  
  
He glanced at her, his grey eyes shadowed. Her heart skipped a beat. What  
was it about him that made her want to hug him all the time? His stance,  
his expression screamed 'stay away!' but something in his eyes cried out  
for what? Comfort perhaps? She didn't know, she just knew somehow she  
wanted to make him feel better. She knew how important Snape was to him and  
how worried he was.  
  
"It's going to be ok."  
  
He smirked. "Right Granger, everything will be perfect."  
  
She sighed. "I'm not trying to trivialize what could happen but Professor  
Snape is smart, he won't do anything to jeopardize himself."  
  
"But my father will jeopardize him." Draco responded the smirk disappearing  
as once again the horrible fear he felt took over.  
  
"He won't let him." She assured him again.  
  
He shook his head, tired of arguing with her.  
  
She reached out tentatively and stoked his arm. "Try to be positive you are  
only hurting yourself if you have another panic attack."  
  
His eyes flashed as he pulled away. "I'm fine."  
  
She bit her lip. She had wanted to make him feel better but he was pulling  
away from her again looking very annoyed.  
  
"I have to go." He said curtly and headed down to the dungeons.

At dinner that night, the atmosphere amongst the professors was very quiet. They were all rather worried although they didn't show it. Albus kept thinking that this was the first time since Draco was beaten and his own almost fatal encounter that Severus would encounter Lucius again. Would there be a repeat of last time? Would Severus be able to keep his temper in check when encountering his old friend? Would Lucius want revenge now that he had lost custody of his heir? How would Tom react to all this? Would he believe Severus' reasoning that he had petitioned for custody in order to keep the future death eater from being beaten to death, would he believe Severus was doing it for the dark side or would he see that his main motive was love, something Tom considered weak and detestable.

Remus told Albus, Molly and Minerva that he had spoken to Harry who was naturally very worried. They all noted that Draco was not in the great hall.  
  
"I'll check up on him and make sure he's not having another panic attack." Minerva assured them.  
  
Later after dinner she discovered through Crabbe and Goyle that Draco was not in the Slytherin dorm and no one had seen him since the afternoon. Worried she went down to Severus' room thinking that perhaps he had gone there to wait.  
  
She found him sitting by the fire idly stroking Loki. His expression was vacant.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy what are you doing here?"  
  
He looked at her eyes wide. "I can't stay in the dorm tonight. I want to be  
here when he comes back."  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Please." His voice was desperate.  
  
She sighed. "You really should not be in here."  
  
His head dropped as he stared at the cat.  
"I want to make sure he's all right." His voice was soft but filled with  
anxiety. "I." He was about to say something and stopped. He bit his lip and focused  
on a shelf full of potions. 

She frowned. "What is it Mr. Malfoy?" He squeezed his eyes shut at her  
words. "Draco?"  
  
His silvery eyes opened and looked at her in surprise. "You've never called me by my first name before."  
  
"Perhaps when it's just you and I speaking it could be appropriate."  
  
He nodded giving her a small smile and then once again looking away.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong, I promise it will stay between the two of us."  
  
He looked doubtful. Could her trust her not to tell Snape? The anxiety was overwhelming. He cleared his throat. "Promise." He said barely above a whisper.  
  
Worried she nodded.  
  
"I keep having these awful dreams ... in which my father...kills him"  
  
"Oh dear boy, they are just dreams. It's your own fear and worry haunting  
you. You mustn't let them fester. Have you talked to Professor Snape about  
them?"  
  
"NO. You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!" He jumped up panic once again in his voice.  
  
"Shhhh, calm down. I won't but you can't keep missing sleep and torturing  
yourself this way."  
  
"What am I supposed to do? I can't make them stop." He stated dejectedly.  
  
"Well for tonight I'll give you a dreamless sleep potion."  
  
He looked at her again. "He gave me one last night."  
  
"He must know something then?"  
  
Draco shook his head. "He knows I haven't been sleeping well but he doesn't  
know about the dreams."  
  
"I'll give you a half dose."  
  
"NO, I don't want to be asleep when he comes back." He all but shouted at her.  
  
McGonagall's voice acquired a note of sternness. "Draco, you will do as you  
are told or you will not be allowed to spend the night here." She stated firmly.  
  
His pointy chin rose in the air and his eyes narrowed resentfully. "What does it matter if I take it or not."  
  
"You have missed far too much sleep and I happen to know that Advanced  
Transfigurations isn't the only class that your marks have dropped in."  
  
He couldn't deny it. He grumbled "Fine I'll take it then."

"Good." She left for a few moments and came back with a half-filled vial.

"I want to see you swallow it."

He glared at her stubbornly. "Why can't you just leave me alone to wait for him."

Her eyes softened. "Because I care about you and I know Professor Snape would want you to get some much needed rest."

"I'll rest tomorrow when he's back." He refused to take the vial she held out.

"Fine, then as I said before you will not be spending the night here." McGonagall stood her ground firmly against the petulant teen.

He shifted uncomfortably under her stern gaze.

"Well? Go on Mr. Malfoy back to your room."

He bit his lip, his eyes were smoky grey and angry. He responded hoarsely, his voice tight "I'll take it."

He took the vial and sat on the edge of the bed staring at it.

McGonagall sat down beside him and put her hand on his back, as she tried to soothe and reassure him. "I know you think I am being unreasonable insisting you take this but I am only doing this because I am worried about you." 

His eyes closed tightly, his breathing was rapid and irregular.

She knew how frightened he was at the possibility of losing Severus, the  
one person in his life that had cared about him for as far back as he could  
remember. She also knew how much Draco meant to Severus.  
  
She sighed softly again; she wasn't sure if he would pull away or not but  
she followed an age-old instinct and put her arms around him. He stiffened  
for a moment, she knew he was fighting the anger he felt but  
he then took a deep shaky breath, his arms tentatively wrapped around her  
and his head fell to her shoulder. The little boy that had like Harry never  
experienced a mother's love sought her out, wanting to be comforted and  
told all would be well.  
  
"No matter what happens you are not alone anymore." She whispered to him as her heart went out to him.  
  
"I know, but." he took another deep breath then responded in a choked  
voice, "I don't want him to die."  
  
"None of us do, we all care very much for Professor Snape."  
  
He nodded pulling out of her embrace, and blushing softly. He glanced at her  
briefly before his eyes dropped down again as he looked embarrassed.  
  
"Ready to get some rest now?" 

"No, I still don't want to take it but if that's the only way I can stay here?" He looked at her hoping she had relented.

She had a tight yet amused smile on her face. "Yes that's the only way." She transfigured the sofa into a bed.

He lay down under the covers and swallowed the potion. Waves of heaviness swept over him and he knew no more.  
  
Harry went to the Gryffindor rooms that night feeling sick with worry and  
dread. He was surprised to find Ron up in bed. He looked at him guiltily  
for a moment. "Hi."  
  
Ron responded with a curt greeting.  
  
"Pomfrey let you out early?"

Ron nodded.

Harry felt even guiltier. "Err Ron, about before."  
  
Ron raised an eyebrow at him "You mean when you did a pretty good imitation  
of Snape?"  
  
Harry flushed. "I'm sorry."  
  
They stared at each other for a moment. Ron then smiled wearily. "I guess  
I'd be a git if I didn't forgive you. Any word on Snape? Hermione told me  
what happened."  
  
He shook his head. "He still hasn't come back."  
  
"Malfoy must really be freaking now."  
  
Harry nodded. "Probably, I haven't seen him for quite awhile he didn't come  
to dinner."  
  
"You know there's nothing either of you can do so you might as well not  
make yourself sick with worry." Ron said sympathetically.  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"On a happy note Pomfrey gave the green light for me to play in next weeks  
Quidditch match against Slytherin. Mum's not too happy about it though."  
Ron grinned.  
  
"It would have been Sirius' birthday on that day." Harry noted sadly.  
  
Ron grew silent for a moment. He never knew what to say to Harry when he  
grew quiet like this. He usually ignored it and tried to change the subject  
but Hermione told him it wasn't good for Harry when he did that. He needed  
to talk and deal with it, but it was awkward.  
  
"You could dedicate your catching the snitch to him?" He suggested  
hesitantly.  
  
Harry snorted. "If I actually manage to catch it.""You usually do. You're one of the best seekers ever."  
  
His words made Harry smile. "You're my friend, you're a bit biased. Don't  
forget I have Draco to deal with."  
  
Ron grudgingly admitted. "Yeah I guess he's a half decent seeker at times."  
  
"But I like your idea, if I do catch it, I'll dedicate it to Sirius he  
would have liked that especially in a match against Slytherin." The thought  
lifted Harry's spirits a little.  
  
"Snape will hate it!" Ron blurted out realizing too late that he directed  
Harry's thought back to worry.  
  
"If he's alive for it." His heart sank again.  
  
"He will be." Ron assured him.  
  
Harry headed into his bed with a heavy heart.  
  
Late that night, Snape headed towards Hogwarts from the forbidden forest. His body sore and aching from the three cruciatus curses the Dark Lord had used on him. The first one after he and Lucius had gotten into a loud argument over Draco's  
custody they had both drawn wands. The Dark Lord was furious with both of  
them for disrupting the meeting. The second one was for going after custody  
of Draco without his permission. The third one for not reporting to the  
Dark Lord on these events. He hated not knowing every detail that occurred  
in the lives of his death eaters.

Even though Snape felt sick and shaken he got off lightly  
compared to Lucius. When the Dark Lord learned that Lucius had almost taken  
a future death eaters life, he subjected him to an extended period of the  
curse which left the elder Malfoy a pathetic sobbing bundle of robes,  
curled on the ground shaking uncontrollably. Lucius never could handle pain  
well. If it had been Draco on the ground it would have been heart wrenching  
for Snape to observe but after what Lucius did to him last year he had a  
hard time mustering up even a grain of sympathy for the chastised blond  
wizard. When Malfoy had finally gained some composure back and was able to rise  
trembling to his feet he apologized profusely to the Dark Lord explaining  
he had never meant to almost kill his heir just punish him for disloyalty.  
The Dark Lord seemed to accept this but with a warning to all Deatheaters  
that their children were vital to their survival. Lucius nodded, his cold  
steel eyes still watering from the pain. For a moment his and Snape's eyes  
met and for the first time in a long time Snape felt a flash of sympathy.  
Sympathy in the context that his long time friend would never know what a  
lucky man he could have been, how much love he could have had if only had  
had been able to feel and give some himself. His expression softened a  
little and Lucius eyes widened slightly in surprise. The meeting had dragged on, as they had to listen to the Dark Lords ranting  
over Harry Potter. He was determined to kill him himself. During the rant,  
Snape concentrated on how much he despised James Potter and for years Harry  
also. The Dark Lord would see his contempt and not doubt his loyalty.  
  
Snape stumbled lightly as he walked very slowly towards Hogwarts. Cold sweat  
beading his forehead, his dark hair tangled and falling over his eyes. He  
winced every so often. The dark lord had been in a particularly foul mood  
making him even crueler than usual. He stopped for a moment leaning against  
a tree as a wave of nausea rolled over him. With weary eyes he looked  
towards the castle. He closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath willing  
himself to put one foot in front of the other.  
  
"Here let me help." Came a soft voice suddenly to his right.  
  
Startled and inhaling sharply he looked into the worried eyes of Tonks.  
  
"How did you know..." Snape gasped out.  
  
"I've been watching for you from the castle, as soon as I saw you I ran  
down. We've all been frantic with worry." She moved close to him putting her  
arm around his waist so that his arm was over her shoulder. "I'm assuming  
you are suffering lingering effects of the cruciatus?"  
  
"I'm fine, I don't need help." He rasped coldly.  
  
She looked up at him with a soft smile on her face. "Stop being so damn  
ornery. You'll get back into the castle much quicker with my help. I could  
of course conjure up a stretcher and load you on it?"  
  
"Absolutely NOT!" he snarled.  
  
She grinned mischievously "Relax Sev, I won't do anything to diminish your  
masculinity."  
  
He was too exhausted and in too much pain to respond further.  
  
"I'm very relieved to see you." She said to him softly as she supported him  
gently.  
  
Even though he was enveloped in a haze of lingering pain and shivers, her  
words made an unexpected feeling of warmth wash over him.  
  
She brought him into the hospital ward, where Poppy immediately started  
fussing over him. When she had him settled in one of the beds and given him  
a draught of pain reliever, he looked up drowsily at Tonks. He didn't know  
if it was the three cruciatus curses or the pain relieving draught but  
suddenly the words just came out of his mouth in a low voice still a little  
hoarse from the pain he had endured. "Are you just going to stand there or  
tuck me in?" A second after the words came out of his mouth his eyes widened  
in horror.  
  
Tonks snorted in amusement. "Oh boy you really are out of it." She grinned  
moving closer and softly tucked the blanket around him. "Better?" She asked  
sweetly.  
  
He ignored her question. "Is Draco okay?"  
  
"I didn't see him but Minerva told me he was very distraught, apparently  
after you left he hyperventilated. Harry calmed him down and Minerva spent  
some time trying to reassure him. He insisted on spending the night in your  
room. Minerva gave him a light dose of sleeping potion. He really loves  
you, you know."  
  
Another flood of warmth filled him. "I love him too." He stated hoarsely.  
  
"I'll leave you to get some sleep unless you need me to kiss you and make it  
better." She laughed lightly teasing him.  
  
He couldn't suppress the small smile that forced itself on his lips. "I'll be  
fine..." He paused for a moment. "Thank you for coming to help me." His dark  
eyes connected to hers.  
  
She stepped closer for a moment and with her hand lightly brushed his hair  
out of his face. "You're welcome." Then with a soft sigh of relief that he  
was ok, she turned and left.  
  
Snape was left wondering how her lips on his would have felt. He was rather  
inexperienced with this teasing thing, did she mean it? The thought lulled  
him sleep.  
  
Tonks spread the word to all the professors via the flue that Snape was fine  
and resting in the hospital wing with a strict warning if they disturbed him  
before morning she would hex them.  
  
Dumbledore sat back in his office his blue eyes twinkling upon hearing her  
words. Things were happening for Severus even if he didn't realize it yet. 

He got up and went to the hospital wing. As he stood in front of Severus he felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him. He reached down and stroked the black hair away from the pale face. "I'm very glad you are back safe amongst us."

Minerva breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing the news. She went down to Snape's room and checked on Draco. She smiled seeing him fast asleep curled around Loki who opened his amber eyes and regarded her sleepily. The boy was always so pale and even in sleep his face looked drawn and anxious. 

She debated waking him to tell him that Snape would be fine but he, despite his groggy state from the draught, would insist on going to the hospital wing and Severus needed to rest as did he also.

She left a little note on the nightstand so he wouldn't panic when he woke up.

The following morning before the sun had risen, Draco woke up, he immediately got up and ran into Snape's bedroom. The bed was empty. His heart dropped, his throat went dry. He walked back towards his bed suddenly seeing the note on the nightstand. He hesitantly picked it up; the words leapt of the page. He quickly got dressed and ran down to the hospital wing.

Snape was still asleep so he sat down by his bedside. He anxiously looked him over for any visible signs of injury. He couldn't see any. Madam Pomfrey came over, "Mr. Malfoy what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on Professor Snape, is he OK?"

She nodded. "He'll be just fine."

Draco smiled a little, the relief showing on his face.

Snape woke up slowly, his mouth felt dry and his body still ached a bit. He opened his eyes to see worried grey eyes looking at him.

"Draco, what are you doing here?" He asked raspily.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok." Came the anxious reply.

"I'm fine." He sat up slowly.

"Why are you in here?"

"The dark lord was in a rather foul mood and I got a few tastes of the cruciatus."

The blond teen paled even more than usual, he swallowed heavily before asking. "Was, was my ...father there?"

"Yes. It might interest you to know the dark lord was most displeased with him for almost killing you. Lucius was even worse off than I."

"What did he do to him?" Draco asked softly.

Snape regarded him. He knew Draco would be curious but he was concerned that there were still feelings, he didn't want him feeling pity for Lucius. Yet he didn't want to lie to him either.

"An extended session of the cruciatus."

He wouldn't make eye contact with him. "Was he ok?"

"Eventually. As you learned first hand from your father, the cruciatus is rather painful. He had collapsed to the floor sobbing then begged the dark lord for forgiveness. He got it but with a warning that harming future deatheaters would not be tolerated."

Draco grew quiet; the image of his father broken on the floor made him feel strange. He knew he should feel some sort of satisfaction but he didn't know what to feel. He looked up to meet Snape's dark concerned gaze.

"Are you all right?" He asked, his deep voice laced with worry.

He nodded, looking back down at the floor.

Snape got up and put on the robe Poppy had laid out for him. Draco got up also; he kept glancing up at him his eyes still wide with anxiety. He stepped towards him and hesitantly almost as if he was afraid Snape would push him away, he raised his arms and hugged him. "I'm glad you're back."

Snape hugged him back tightly. "I will always do everything I can to ensure that I am there for you."

Draco closed his eyes for a moment, relishing the feeling of having someone really love him.

Just then Harry entered.

_Next chapter: Harry and Snape talk, Quidditch match, jealousy, Harry's Triumph, Draco's nightmare, a falling out._


	8. Falling Out

**A/N:** _well this was supposed to be up Friday but my PC got a virus, now it's all cleaned so hopefully it won't happen again. THANK YOU to all you reviewers, you jolt the muse and inspire the writer. So lots of pumpkin pie to you all, especially to my fellow Canadians who are celebrating Thanksgiving next weekend, wohooo a long weekend (smiles gleefully)!_

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 8 – falling out**

Harry stopped when he noticed Draco hugging his guardian. Draco had pulled  
back already when he realized that Snape's attention had suddenly become  
focused on something behind him. He turned and saw Harry.  
  
"Er sorry, I'll come back." He apologized.  
  
"No it's ok Potter, he's all yours I'm going to get some breakfast." Draco  
responded still smiling with relief that Snape was back.  
  
Harry gave him a brief smile and then turned his attention to Snape. "Are  
you all right?"  
  
"Yes just a run in with the cruciatus."  
  
Harry nodded, "I'm glad, I mean that you're ok."  
  
Snape suppressed the grin that almost surfaced over Harry's discomfort.  
  
"You wanted to make sure that I made it back?" Snape inquired wondering why  
Harry had come down.  
  
The green eyes regarded him with a troubled expression. "I came to say that  
you were right."  
  
Snape raised a dark eyebrow "about?" If Harry was going to apologize he  
wasn't going to let him off easily.  
  
"Jeopardizing the order and..."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Not thinking." The last two words were barely above a whisper.  
  
Snape knew that apologizing wasn't something Harry enjoyed doing, he wanted  
to make sure he was sincere. One look into his guilt-laden eyes confirmed  
that he was.  
  
Snape sat back on the edge of the bed. "Thank you for finally acknowledging  
that. I am curious to what made you come to that realization now?"  
  
Harry shifted uncomfortably. I know you were right about that but when you  
insulted my father and Sirius..."  
  
"I see. So even when I apologized you stayed angry?"  
  
Harry sat down on the bed across from him. "Yes I hate it when you bring  
them up, I mean he was my dad, I never got to know him but if I had I know I  
would have loved him and Sirius was the closest thing to a dad I have ever  
had and they're both dead.' His voice grew soft.  
  
The realization his Snape then that what Harry wasn't saying was how much  
his words had hurt him. He sighed, feeling for the first time the gut  
wrenching pain that ha had caused the boy continually by insulting two  
people he would never again have in his life.  
  
"I am sorry Harry."  
  
The green eyes lifted to look at him intently. Then a soft smile played on  
his lips. "I kept thinking back to when you let Draco and I see your  
memories so we could better understand you and I realized that you and Draco  
are alike in many ways. You both use words to fight with when you're  
angry."  
  
Snape nodded looking uncomfortable. "I'm an adult I should know better but  
sometimes I just lash out without thinking."  
  
Harry nodded. "I guess I get angry and don't apologize when I should."  
  
Snape snorted softly smiling a little.  
  
"I was worried that something would happen to you."  
  
"I'm fine. You are the one that has to be careful. The Dark Lord is  
determined to kill you with whatever means at his disposal. That means no  
leaving school grounds and never go anywhere outside alone."  
  
I haven't been able to do that since the death eater attack in Hogsmeade  
anyway." Harry responded disgruntled.  
  
"Just be careful, the Dark Lord is a vicious determined man."

"Why did he curse you?"

"He was annoyed that I hadn't informed him about custody of Draco."

"Lucius must have told him."

"Lucius got off worse than I. He deserved that and more after what he did to Draco physically and emotionally.

Harry nodded. "I er, had a talk with Professor Lupin and he made me realize how much I wanted you to be ok. So I just wanted to say thanks for everything you've done for me, like take me to the veil and help me learn occlumency."

Snape's eyes widened. He was surprised the werewolf was being so fair. He swallowed a bit guiltily thinking how much he had resented Dumbledore for once again giving him the Defense of the Dark Arts role albeit slitting he duties with Tonks this time around. Tonks, she was too inexperienced to have a role of such prestige although he had to admit she had her wits about her and she wasn't hard to look at..."

"Professor Snape?" Harry's voice startled him he head momentarily forgotten he was there.

"Thank you for saying that and you are welcome, I hope Tonks and I can add "Apparating without splinching' to our list of skills soon."

Harry flushed slightly pink, he hated being reminded of splinching himself. He gave a wry grin and nodded. "So we're ok again." He asked hesitantly.

Snape felt awkward for a moment, then got up and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Yes."

A huge smile broke out on Harry's face as he headed to the door. When he opened the door Tonks popped her head in. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Much improved."

She smiled at him.

"See you at breakfast."

He nodded. As soon as she was gone Snape couldn't suppress the smile that crept onto his face. It was good to be back at Hogwarts.

Breakfast was a joyous occasion that morning. All the professors were relieved that Snape was back amongst them. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he watched Snape glance very furtively at Tonks every so often when he thought no one was looking.

The week flew by with classes and Quidditch practices. The tormenting between houses Gryffindor and Slytherin grew until both rivalries were ready to burst by Saturday morning.

What would have been Sirius' birthday turned out to be a cool day. The afternoon started with a light drizzle hitting the ground.

As they walked out onto the pitch Harry glanced over at the Slytherin team. Draco looked arrogant. His shoulders straight he looked back with a confident smirk on his face although he looked rather pale, more so than usual. For a moment Harry felt as if the last four months didn't even happen. Draco was back to his Slytherin self.

Madam Hooch blew the whistle and a wave of excitement washed over Harry. He loved flying. Zambini got through to the Gryffindor goal post and much to the Gryffidor's horror he scored giving Slytherin the lead. Harry glanced over to Ron who looked angry with himself for having missed. It was hard to see anything through the wet blanket of drizzle.

Harry narrowly missed being hit by a bludger as he scoured the area. Gryffindor scored next evening up the score. The yells and screams of encouragement reached him through the wind buoying his determination to catch the snitch. Suddenly another Gryffindor goal was had. Harry yelled out in joy when he realized Ginny had been the one to score.

Suddenly Harry spotted a flash of gold over by the goal post he raced for it with Draco close on his heels. Draco leaned over and tried to unseat Harry from his broom. Harry elbowed him hard in return, which resulted in the Slytherin temporarily backing off.

Harry his heart racing suddenly saw the snitch, it hovered close to the wet grass, he spun his broom around and dove for it. In the same instant Draco spotted it and also went into a dive. The snitch suddenly took off again and Harry swerved sharply his arm stretched out to grasp it. He hit something hard and for a moment blinded by the rain he thought he had hit a bludger, instead he realized it was another player, the flash of green revealing a Slytherin. He twisted and with a surge of joy he clasped the snitch. The roar that went up around him was deafening.

He cried out from the shattering pain in his leg. He closed his eyes trying to get the agony under control. The breath caught in his throat.

"Easy Malfoy, helps on the way."

Harry said softly. A moment after having caught the snitch he realized it had been Malfoy that he accidentally hit, the blond lay on the ground face down, his face a mask of agony.

"You bastard you did this to me. I HATE YOU!" Draco screamed at Harry.

"Look I'm sorry, I didn't bump you on purpose." Harry apologized softly.

With another shuddering breath. "Get away from me."

"Draco, calm down, where does it hurt?" Snape asked gently feeling for broken bones.

Biting his lip he moaned. "Everywhere but especially my leg." Despite his best attempts he couldn't suppress the cry of sheer agony as Snape touched his knee.

"Shhh shhh shhh, you've broken your kneecap. Madam Pomfrey will heal that. Just relax." Snape conjured up a stretcher and levitated him onto it.

"Malfoy...Draco I'm sorry." Harry called out as Snape levitated the stretcher.

He was soon surrounded by his ecstatic teammates. He lifted the snitch into the air and looking up into the dark stormy skies whispered "Happy Birthday Sirius".

Suddenly he was grabbed and hugged by Ginny.

"Harry you were brilliant!" A flood of happiness overwhelmed him. He hadn't felt like this in a long time. Ginny realized how elated he was, Ron had told her that it was Sirius' birthday, she reached up to kiss him on the cheek, something she had never done before when he suddenly turned his head. She found her lips on his in surprise. Harry was startled to find Ginny's lips on his. In his state of joy he gave in to a lingering kiss. Green eyes looked into brown eyes both pulled away blushing.

"Congratulations Harry." She stammered shyly.

"Thanks Ginny." He said quietly looking down for a moment then smiling at her awkwardly. His black hair was hanging in his eyes and Ginny longed to brush the wet strands off his face. She resisted, embarrassed that she had ended up kissing him, even if it had been accidental. She was glad that Ron hadn't seen it. He had his own crowd of team members congratulating him for blocking the last three shots.

More Gryffindors flooded from the stands including Hermione. She had tears in her eyes. "Oh Harry, I bet wherever Sirius is he's smiling." With his clothes dripping wet and his shoes soaked from standing in a puddle he felt a surge of gratitude at Hermione's words. He pulled her close, his lips finding hers.

Ginny stood back her heart clenching. She hadn't realized that Harry and Hermione had grown this close. Ron had never said a word. Tears unexpectedly welled up in her eyes and she turned away from the rest of the celebrations to head to her room.

The last thing Draco saw before he was whisked away was the Gryffindors descending on Harry and Hermione throwing her arms around him and kissing him on the lips. He took another halting breath before closing his eyes and focusing on his misery.

After spending a few uncomfortable moments being stripped of his clothes by Snape and put into pajamas, Draco lay in the hospital bed downing bitter tasting potions.

He grimaced at the vile taste but Madam Pomfrey kept handing him one after the other.

Feeling nauseous he lay back on the mattress. Pansy, Crabbe, Goyle and the rest of the Slytherins gathered around him.

Pansy couldn't seem to keep her hands out of his hair. "I was so scared Draco."

"Can you all just go." Draco shouted in desperation. All he wanted was to be alone.

Snape steered them out of the room. "They're just worried about you." He looked at him with a concerned dark gaze.

Draco ignored his words. "What's going to happen to Potter?"

Snape's brow furrowed. "I assume he'll get carried around by the rest of the Gryffindors and glorified for the rest of the week."

Draco's eyes flashed and his face flushed. "Not even a detention for what he did to me?"

Just then Hermione entered. Snape sighed. "I have things to do, get some rest."

He turned to Hermione. "He's stuffed full of potions, he needs to get some rest."

She nodded. "I'll only be a minute."

Snape left and Hermione went over to Draco. His blond hair was all mussed; there was a bruise on his cheek.

"Are you ok? How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

"Like you care. Just get out of here." He snarled at her angrily.

"Draco, you'll win next time."

"Only if golden boy doesn't sabotage me." He snarled at her.

"You know it was an accident, please calm down..." She tried to soothe him.

"Stupid Saint Potter almost got me killed again and then expects me to accept  
his apology? That isn't going to happen no matter how much you beg  
Granger! That's why you're here isn't it? Poor Harry feels guilty, oh please Draco you just have to forgive him." He imitated Hermione's voice as he spit out the words, his cheeks becoming redder.  
  
Hermione's eyes narrowed at him, he looked furious. His pale face flushed  
with anger, his eyes stormy, his pointy chin thrust into the air, his  
breathing laboured.  
  
"If you would stop being such an insensitive selfish Prat for a minute you'd  
learn that it would have been Sirius's birthday today, you know Sirius,  
Harry's godfather that was killed last year! Harry was desperate to catch  
the snitch for him!"  
  
Draco looked at her incredulously. "How touching!" He sneered. "Did it  
every occur to any of you insensitive selfish prats that maybe for once in a  
game against Potter I would have liked to catch the snitch? That maybe after  
all the years of trying not to disappoint my father and trying to make him proud  
of me it would have been gratifying to win against Potter for once. Maybe  
wherever my father is he'd hear about it and maybe regret not having  
encouraged and supported me like Snape does, instead of beating me to a  
bloody pulp?" He took a deep breath before continuing his tirade, his voice low and icy, "Maybe after everything that happened it would have been a personal triumph for me to catch it? Maybe I wanted to catch it for Snape after." He paused, his voice becoming strained. "After all that he's done for me!" He was trembling violently in his anger. He took another deep raspy breath  
while staring at the bed sheets. "Just get out of here and don't bother  
coming back!" he added hoarsely.  
  
Hermione bit her lip. At first she had been angered by his words but now she  
felt very guilty. She could see how very upset he was, she had thought only  
of Harry winning without realizing how much Draco might have wanted to catch the snitch and how cheated of it he felt.  
  
"You are absolutely right Draco and I'm so sorry."  
  
He looked at her wide-eyed for a moment before narrowing his eyes.  
  
She continued, "When you tumbled off the broom I was really scared, I'm glad  
it's only your knee that was badly hurt."  
  
"Opposed to what Granger, I can't even walk right now. " He retorted angrily.  
  
"Opposed to your neck for instance." She replied back, trying to stay calm in the face of his sneer.

His eyes flashed angrily turning almost translucent silver. "How nice  
Granger, a little remorse that I was almost killed! But let's face it,  
when it comes down to it it will always be Saint Potty that garners your  
concerns and support. Your actions today prove that all the talk of  
friendship is just a bunch of bullock!"  
  
"Draco..." It dawned on Hermione suddenly how insecure with their friendship he was and how upset and angry he was that she had excused Harry and gotten mad at him for not forgiving him right away. If only she could get past his anger and make him see it really was an accident so he would at least accept Harry's apology and let his anger die down enough to see that they also cared about him. 

"Save your breath go and whisper in Golden Boy's ear how petty and cruel I  
am."  
  
Hermione sighed angrily. She hated when Draco behaved so childishly.  
  
Draco smirked at her silence. "What mudblood?" He spoke the last word slowly, emphasizing it. "At a loss for words? Am I not acting like you want me too? I'm not accepting Saint Potty's apology, do you want to slap me across the face again?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed but she responded with a smirk of her "Since you are acting like an obnoxious child, I'm thinking your face isn't the part of you that  
needs a good series of sharp slaps!"  
  
The smirk disappeared as the implication of her words sank in, he stiffened  
and glared at her malevolently.  
  
Just then they both realized Professor McGonagall had come in.  
  
"Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy needs his rest, he should even be having  
visitors." she stated sternly.  
  
"Sorry Professor McGonagall." Hermione headed for the door, she tossed her  
hair throwing one glance back at Draco who stared at her with icy eyes,  
before closing the door behind her.  
  
"You need to get some sleep and let the potions do their healing. Would you  
like a wee bit of calming potion?"  
  
Draco shook his head. He was glad McGonagall had come to see him. She would  
understand and be on his side. He'd kill anyone who would have suggested it  
but he cherished those moments when McGonagall fussed over him.  
He finally got a taste of what he'd been missing out on all his life.  
  
She helped him lie down and brought another blanket.  
  
"So is Potter going to be punished for almost killing me?" He asked pointedly.  
  
"No, Mr. Malfoy he will not. You know as well as I do that it was an  
accident."  
  
"That's a load of bullocks!!!" He snarled at her, his anger overwhelming him. It faded quickly when he saw the look in her eyes; it reminded him of the  
look in his mother's eyes just before the one and only time in his life she had  
personally punished him. He knew McGonagall would never hit him but he felt  
guilty for lashing out at her when she had been nothing but kind to him. He  
quickly mumbled "Sorry."  
  
"I obviously didn't need to worry that you were in pain or ill."

She turned to leave when he responded in a quiet almost pleading voice. "Please don't go."  
  
She glanced at him. He looked contrite, the anger from his grey eyes was gone.  
  
"I have to prepare for a first year class. Mr. Malfoy, if you think that just because you have changed your tone in order to get what you want after behaving as you have been for the last while will make me immediately cater to your every wish, you are wrong. You are not in Malfoy manor. We will not beat you here but we will also not spoil you! I have to prepare for a 1st year class. Just think about something for me Mr. Malfoy. If Professor Snape had died last week and you felt responsible how would you feel if on his birthday as a tribute to his memory you  
wanted more than anything to catch the snitch. What if you did and had  
accidentally hit and injured Harry in your pursuit? Would you have at least  
apologized?""  
  
"I would likely have gotten detention with Filch since I'm not the golden  
Gryffindor boy!" He snarled, his anger rising again.  
  
"No you wouldn't have because it was an accident." She stared at him with a  
very disappointed look. "Perhaps Miss Granger's assessment today was rather  
accurate. I hope your foul mood clears up soon." She replied her voice cold  
and stern before she opened the door.

"J-just go then," Malfoy choked out. Minerva closed her eyes fighting back the urge to go to him trying not to think of his pale bruised face. After a seconds pause, she left, firmly closing the door behind her.  
  
He hit the mattress hard with his fist. He had in less than half an hour alienated the one person he thought of as his friend as well as the professor who he felt he could always turn to. He took a long shuddering breath.

Madam Pomfrey came in again, making him swallow some bitter tasting potion. It churned around in his stomach making him feel queasy again. That and the pain in his knee made him wish Professor McGonagall would come back and sit with him for awhile. He knew she was too mad at him to come back, he wished he at least had the stuffed dragon Hermione had given him. It was in Snape's private rooms where he kept it, not daring to bring it to the Slytherin quarters.

Hermione sat down beside Harry, who had a huge smile on his face from all the praise the rest of the Gryffindors lathered on him.

"What's wrong?" He asked noting she was unusually quiet.

"I tried to talk to Malfoy."

"I thought you were calling him Draco these days."

"Well he's back to being Malfoy. He just about bit my head off and then called me..., well you can imagine what he called me again."

"He what!!!" Ron stormed in after having caught the last sentence.

"Relax Ron, he's upset and I just made it worse."

"How could you possibly upset him more, unless of course you slapped him again?" Harry asked with a raised brow.

"No, not exactly." Hermione reddened slightly.

Harry and Ron glanced at each other over the table. "Mione, what did you do?" Ron asked with a teasing grin.

She looked up at both of their amused expressions and sighed in defeat. "Well I sort of alluded to the fact that he was acting like a brat who could use...." She mumbled something.

"What?" They both asked.

She sighed, "getting a slap on ... his behind." She whispered the last part blushing hotly.

Harry, who had just taking a drink of pumpkin juice, spit it out over the table. Ron was barely able to dodge it.

"You what???" Harry asked his voice heavy with mirth.

She gave him an annoyed look. "You know how much pride he has, I shouldn't have said that."

"Oh I would have given anything to see the look on his face" Ron howled in laughter. "So Hermione were you planning on administering it yourself?" Ron asked mischievously.

"Ron, grow up!"

She stood up with a loud snort throwing him a disgusted look as she stormed out of the great hall.

"Ron, how could you. She was already feeling bad for having said that to Malfoy."

Ron dissolved into peals of laughter. "I couldn't help myself. You've got to admit Harry that no one here deserves it more than Malfoy. I always wished McGonagall had been there when he called Hermione a mudblood."

"You know she would have just given him a detention."

"I guess so." Ron sighed.

"I know he's such a git sometimes but he's trying to change and things haven't exactly been easy for him either. Neither of you saw his memories during that occlumency lesson, believe me he doesn't need anyone hitting him, Lucius did enough of that. I'm trying to be patient with him, he just makes it so difficult sometimes."

"You didn't injure him on purpose."

"No, but it doesn't change the fact that he's ended up in the hospital wing again because of me. I have to go talk to him in the morning."

As Harry's admirers surrounded him Ron went back to the common room. He found Ginny looking rather teary-eyed on one of the sofas.

"What's wrong"?

She shook her head giving him a small smile. "Nothing really."

Ron shrugged. "Ok."

She frowned slightly. "Why didn't you tell me that Harry and Hermione were a couple?"

It was Ron's turn to frown.

"What do you mean?"

"They were snogging after the game." She looked at him curiously.

Ron paled slightly then turned and went up the stairs to the boy's rooms. When Harry came up later, Ron's curtains were closed and not wanting to disturb him he too went to bed.

_His body ached from Lucius' beating and the two cruciatus curses he had been  
subject to. He took a deep breath and fought with every fiber of strength he had but Lucius cast a binding spell on him effectively immobilizing him. He gritted  
his teeth as he realized Lucius had his left arm stretched up. With horror  
he saw a long bony hand holding a wand it pointed at his arm as an incredible  
searing pain stared to engrave the dark mark. He screamed loudly, squeezed  
his eyes tightly shut and bit his lip so hard he could taste blood.  
_  
With a bolt he sat up in bed, realizing he was in the hospital wing, shivering yet sweating profusely. He got up; his heart was racing so fast his breath came in pants. He didn't want to appear like a little kid running to his parents at the sound of thunder, but at that moment he didn't care how it looked, he didn't want to be alone, he wanted Snape nearby. So throwing on his robe and ignoring the sharp pain shooting up his leg, he limped as fast as he could on adrenaline down to the dungeons to Snape's rooms. He knocked on the door breathing hard.

Snape was awakened from a sound sleep by the frantic knocking. He got up wondering which of his first year student had gotten sick this time. He was startled to find Draco at his door. The blond teen was shaking uncontrollably. His breath came in ragged pants.

"Draco what happened?"  
  
"I'm ok, but can I please stay the night here on the sofa?"  
  
His eyes were wide and pleading his voice a whisper. Snape frowned but then  
transfigured the sofa once again into a bed and ignited the fire with his  
wand. Draco shakily climbed into the bed wrapping his arms around himself. Despite the added warmth he still shivered uncontrollably. Snape got a  
warmth package and held it against him. Snape then sat down and rubbed his  
ward's shoulder through the blankets.  
  
"Did something happen in the hospital or did you have a nightmare?"  
  
"Please just let me sleep here, I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"I might be able to help." Snape coaxed gently.  
  
Draco squeezed his eyes shut." "It was just a stupid nightmare, I don't want  
to talk about it." He felt nauseous from the pain now radiating through his  
knee.  
  
Snape's hand reached out and stroked his forehead. "You are safe here you  
know that and as long as you do nothing foolish you will continue to be  
safe."  
  
He looked into Draco's pain filled eyes. "Your knee must hurt. You shouldn't  
have been moving around on it, the potion hasn't had time to heal."  
He pulled back the bottom half of the covers and rolled up Draco's pajama  
leg and frowned at what he saw. The knee was bruised and very swollen. He  
sighed glancing at Draco who stared fixedly at the blanket. He got up and  
poured some incentia balm and applied it liberally to a cloth. He came back  
and applied it to Draco's knee eliciting a strangled gasp from the blond. He then wrapped a towel around it. He glanced at him again; this time he had his eyes tightly squeezed shut.  
  
He realized the dream must have sent him into a panic in order for him to put  
any weight on that leg. He knew he must be feeling the results of his actions tenfold.  
  
He tucked another blanket around him. "Would you like something to help dull the pain?" He asked softly.  
  
"Please" came the strained reply.  
  
A soft knock came on his door. He went over to answer it and discovered  
Minerva standing there. "Severus I don't want to worry you but I just went to  
check on Mr. Malfoy and he's missing from the hospital wing."  
  
He smiled slightly. "It's ok, he's here, he had a bad nightmare and re-injured his knee. Poppy will be furious."  
  
"Oh dear." Was her reply as she looked at his knee. "Will he need the muggle contraption crutches?"  
  
Snape nodded. "Likely for a day or two till the healing potion can take hold  
again. "  
  
Snape had made him lie on his back, the sharp pains vibrating up his leg  
made him immobile. McGonagall sat down gently stroking his hair, he looked up  
a her shivering "You're not mad at me anymore?"  
  
"I'm still very disappointed with your unforgiving behavior...but that  
doesn't mean I don't care about you."  
  
He nodded slowly, relieved she was there. She clasped his hand and squeezed  
it lightly in reassurance. Snape came to the other side of the bed lifting  
Draco's head slightly so he could drink the pain potion. Shivering still he  
looked back up at McGonagall. "I'm sorry I..."  
  
Minerva couldn't suppress the small grin that appeared at his words.  
  
"Hush now, don' think about any of it just concentrate on getting warm. Sit  
up a bit." She helped him sit up, took a big pillow and slanted it against herself  
as she sat down on the bed. She reclined against the headboard and after  
bundling the blankets around him got him to lean against her with her arms  
around him. Holding him like a sick child. Snape regarded him with shocked curiosity. He knew if he tried that Draco  
would immediately push him away. Minerva excerpted some magic over the boy. It was obvious to Snape that the nightmare had left him quite distraught. He wished he would tell him about it. He had come to him seeking security but it was obvious that Minerva was the one who could best provide comfort.  
  
He was still amazed that Draco so readily accepted Minerva's nurturing.  
  
"You'll get a good nights sleep now and by morning you'll feel much better."  
She whispered into his hair. He nodded slightly closing his eyes. 

When weariness overcame Draco and he fell asleep, Snape looked intently into Minerva's eyes.

"Thank you for coming and for caring so much about him."

Minerva's beady eyes regarded him thoughtfully. "Every child should have a mother figure, no matter how old they are." She raised an eyebrow to him.

Snape flushed slightly, Minerva had on occasion acted rather parental when it came to himself, stern when she was angry with him yet comforting and supporting when he was distraught.

He responded wryly with a grudging half smile. "You fill that role well."

"Thank you." She responded softly. "This boy and Potter both need as much support as we can give them."

"Are you playing mother to Potter also?" He asked slightly amused that the stern professor also had such a caring side.

"Only when he lets me, but I believe Molly has a closer connection than I have."

Snape nodded. "Draco appears to be very fond of you, I appreciate you building up his trust. He doesn't give it easily."

She smiled grimly. "He's a lot like you, Severus."

Severus snorted in response.

**Next Chapter: STRIFE, Ron sees red and it isn't just his hair, Draco regresses into the cruel Slytherin, Harry is miserable and cold, Snape both mentors and chastises.**


	9. StRiFe

**

* * *

A/N:** _Happy Samhain to you all! THANK YOU to all reviewers, especially those of you who grow impatient and emailed me to hurry up, for some reason that loosens the writer's block. Lots of caramel apples to you all! I'm off to a Halloween party where I am a witch complete with broomstick (firebolt 2004) cackles happily._

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 9 – StRiFe**

The following morning, Draco awoke. He slowly opened his eyes and realized he was in Snape's rooms. He groaned softly remembering the events of the night before.

"How are you feeling?" Came Snape's smooth voice as he walked out the adjoining room.

Draco glanced at him then look away disgruntled. Embarrassment welled up in him as he remembered practically running to Snape after his nightmare. It had seemed like a bright idea last night but now he couldn't believe he had done that.

Snape suppressed the grin that rose in him over the teen's obvious embarrassment. "Draco, I'm very glad you came to me last night. We are family now and we should be there for each other. How's your knee?"

He threw Snape a grateful look and nodded. "I feel like Hagrid, that lumbering oaf played Quidditch with me and I was the quaffle."

This time Snape didn't even try to hold back the unexpected laugh. "That bad? Well it's Sunday so you can spend the day in bed recuperating."

He sat down on the edge of the bed and examined the injured knee. "You are going to need to stay off that as much as possible for the next few days until the potion gets hold again."

He nodded again.

"I'll get you a bite to eat. Is there any homework you need to do? I can get Crabbe or Goyle to get it for you?"

"I guess I better do my transfigurations essay, I'll need my textbook and notebook."

"Good idea, you wouldn't want to disappoint Professor McGonagall."

He remembered how she had held him last night when he was shivering uncontrollably. He flushed slightly. "No."

Snape couldn't keep the amused look off his face. "She cares a lot about you."

He responded softly. "I know."

"That's good Draco. You need a good support network. If anything were ever to happen to me I'd be very relieved to know that you have a good relationship with Professor McGonagall."

Draco swallowed he looked up with anxiety in his eyes. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

His loyalty and worry continually amazed Snape. His heart swelled when he looked at the boy, he didn't think it possible to care about anyone so much. The boy really was like his own flesh and blood.

"Not if I can help it." He reassured him softly.

Snape headed to the great hall for breakfast. As he sat down Tonks appeared beside him. "How's my cousin? Minerva told me what happened last night."

"He's sore, embarrassed."

"Poor kid, do you mind if I go see him?" She asked, her dark eyes sparkling.

"No not at all. Perhaps you can stop by after breakfast. I'm going to bring him some food." Snape invited, his voice low and smooth despite how nervous he felt.

"Ok I'll join you then?" She smiled at him.

Snape nodded then focused on his food, his heart speeding up.

Minerva and Albus discretely smiled at each other.

When Harry awoke the next morning he noticed that Ron was already up. It puzzled him that Ron hadn't waited for him to go down for breakfast. He ended up going down with Seamus and Neville and Hermione.

Ron wasn't at breakfast either.

"Does anyone know where Ron is?"

"I think he's out on the Quidditch pitch, I saw him leave with his broom." Justin spoke up.

Harry frowned, looking puzzled. He hurried downing his breakfast and ran up to grab his Firebolt. He knew he should be working on his transfigurations essay but the temptation for a practice run at Quidditch with Ron was too tempting.

When he got out he saw Ron racing around the goal posts. He waved but Ron either didn't see him or chose not to wave back.

Harry soared up to him but Ron headed for the ground at the same time. Harry changed direction and met him on the ground.

Once they were down on the grass Ron's temper got the best of him and he started yelling.

"How could you! I can't believe I ever thought we were friends. You know how  
I feel about Mione and you just go and kiss her? What was it? You just got  
carried away because you once again caught the snitch?"  
  
Harry had paled considerably, his green eyes wide with guilt. "Ron,  
I'm...sorry, I, it just happened again, it really wasn't planned...I"  
  
"What! Wait a minute? Happened again? You've kissed her before?"  
  
The anguished look on Harry's face answered his question. Ron's tone grew  
harsh. "When were you going to tell me? After the wedding? " Ron blinked  
rapidly his anger and emotions welling up.  
  
"Ron it's not like that. Please just let me try and explain." Harry felt  
horrible he had never seen Ron so upset and he certainly hadn't wanted him to find out this way. He realized how stupid he had acted yesterday after he had won.  
  
"Forget it. I have nothing more to say to you." Ron replied his voice  
hoarse. He turned and started to head back to Hogwarts but Harry grabbed his arm. 

Ron turned and found his fist connecting to Harry's jaw.

Harry fell back his eyes wide with surprise.

"Stay away from me!"

Harry's hand went up to rub his jaw. "Ron calm down."

He shook his head at him angrily and turned again.

"Ron, wait. Look I'm sorry." He ran after him but Ron turned on him furiously again. "BACK OFF!"

Harry took a shaky breath. He had just lost Ron, his best friend.  
  
Unbeknownst to both boys, their conversation had been overheard.  
  
Ron changed direction and headed down to the edge of the forest, no one was around and he sat on a log, letting his anger wash over him. He didn't know what hurt worse, the fact that they had kissed more than once or the fact Harry hadn't bothered to tell him. Where they keeping it a secret, shhhh don't tell Ron? Even  
though he hadn't actually ever told Harry that he had feelings for Mione he  
thought it was understood. He felt angry and hurt that both of them would  
betray him like that.  
  
"Hi Ron."  
  
He looked up startled to find Luna Lovegood suddenly standing beside him. He  
hadn't even heard her approach.  
  
"Look I'm not really good company right now."  
  
"Feeling guilty?" Came the soft wispy voice.  
  
Ron bristled. "What? Why would I feel guilty?"  
  
Luna sat down beside him uninvited.  
  
"Harry has gone through so much, so maybe he's mistakenly found some support  
or comfort in a friend and he's mistaken it for something else?"  
  
Ron snorted. "Not likely, besides Hermione knew what she was doing."  
  
"Maybe she has also mistakenly confused her friendship and her nurturing  
instinct with romantic feelings. You know you are a lot like the  
crumplehorned snorkack. When it is mating season he's busy pursuing other  
species like the straight horned snorkack, while the female crumplehorned is  
practically right under his nose."  
  
Ron's eyes went a little blurry with confusion. "What?"  
  
"Well have you ever come out and told Hermione how you feel?"  
  
Ron shifted uncomfortably. "No, she knows."  
  
"I doubt it. Besides are you sure you're not just chasing a straight horned  
snorkack? It's something to think about." She said mysteriously as she got  
up and walked away leaving Ron with the beginnings of a headache.  
  
Putting all the nonsense about squat nosed or whatever they were called  
snorkacks aside, he felt the beginnings of a flicker of guilt. Sirius had  
died, Harry had those awful pain attacks, he had to kill he who must not be  
named, maybe he truly was desperately seeking something to distract  
himself. Maybe he shouldn't have exploded at him like he did and maybe he  
shouldn't have said the things he said. Maybe in a day or two when he felt  
less calm he'd try and talk to him again. He took a deep breath going to the  
Gryffindor tower.

* * *

Dejected Harry went back inside. He'd let Ron cool down for a bit and then try and talk to him again. Now he had to go to the hospital wing to see how Malfoy was and whether he was in a better mood and ready to acknowledge it was an accident.

When he got there he discovered the wing empty and surmised that Draco had already been released. As he headed out into the hallway he ran into Professor McGonagall.

"Potter are you not feeling well?" She asked concerned.

"I'm fine, I was just looking for Malfoy."

She nodded, "He's in Snape's room, he had a bad night and reinjured his knee."

"I'm just going to talk to him."

She frowned. "Potter, maybe you should wait a day or two. He was very upset yesterday, he needs some time to cool down."

"I just want to say I'm sorry again for injuring him."

"It was an accident, it wasn't your fault."

"I know but he seems to think it was."

"That is Mr. Malfoy's problem, not yours." She smiled at him warmly.

"Thanks." He said softly.

He headed down to the dungeon. Knocking first he then entered. Malfoy was lying on a bed, paler than usual. His eyes narrowed.

"Get out Potter!" He practically shouted at him.

"Malfoy I just came by to say sorry again. I didn't mean to injure you it was an accident."

He didn't respond immediately, for a second he wanted to accept Potters apology but then the kiss flashed in his mind again, Potter had everything, the snitch, Hermione, everyone's adoration.

"Nothing with you is ever an accident! It wouldn't have mattered to you if I'd broken my neck as long as you caught the snitch, the same way it didn't matter that Diggory died just as long as you got the cup! You'll do anything for fame Potter it doesn't"

"DRACO!!!" Snape's angry voice came from the door.

Harry felt sick, anger rose in him but with Snape being there he didn't want to get into a fight with Malfoy. He quickly turned and rushed past Snape and Tonks.

"I'll go after him." Tonks told Snape while throwing Draco a look of shocked disbelief.

Snape stood there for a moment glaring at Draco, he was furious with him once again. "After everything you know about Potter how could you say something like that? When are you going to GROW UP!"

Draco's heart clenched at the words. Snape was protecting Potter again. Fuming he looked away.

"No explanation for your actions? Fine then there will be repercussions. You will serve a weeks worth of detentions with Filch as soon as your knee is healed."

Draco's mouth dropped open in outrage but the look of barely controlled anger in Snape's eyes kept him from responding. Snape slammed down a tray of food on the table next to his bed, then headed towards the door.

"Are you proud of yourself Draco? You are becoming more and more like your father! Cruel to the core." With those parting words Snape slammed the door shut loudly behind him.

His heart did a painful clench at Snape's words. The anger he had felt faded as he realized what Snape now thought of him. He was sure if McGonagall found out what he had said she'd be disgusted with him also. The look on Tonks face hadn't been reassuring either. He trembled slightly and turned on his side feeling rather sick.

"Harry!" Tonks cried as she ran after him.

"I'm all right Tonks." He reassured her quietly as he turned to look at her.

"Are you sure? Draco was being a childish brat, I hope Severus gives him a deserving detention!"

"It's ok, it doesn't matter, he's a git." Harry responded.

She reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "Ok be the tough guy if you want but I'm here if you want to talk."

He smiled at her but his eyes remained troubled.

"Thanks." He then went down the hall with his shoulders slumped and his head down. Tonks' heart gave a sympathetic lurch as she watched him go.

Harry headed out the door into the darkening afternoon. What had felt like such an incredible high yesterday now led him to feel nothing but misery. He sat back staring out at the foggy night; his anger had dissipated leaving instead a wave of despair to wash over him. His jaw ached. He felt queasy knowing that Ron now despised him. What had he been thinking kissing Hermione? Worst of all was the betrayal in Ron's eyes. He knew Ron liked Hermione and why he hadn't thought of that being instead blinded by the kiss. He felt horrible, guilt gnawing at him making him feel nauseous and making his heartache. He pulled his knees up and put his head down on them.

He certainly hadn't meant to hurt Malfoy either yet inadvertently in his  
enthusiasm he had, thereby breaking the fragile trust that had after long last  
gotten a precarious hold.

Last year because of what he did he got Sirius killed. He snorted in anger. Why couldn't he think before he did things. Ron didn't deserve this. The angrier he grew at himself the worse his headache grew until suddenly much to his shock the horrible pain from those two past occasions tore through his head and eyes again. He moaned from the pain and went limp as the darkness took over.

* * *

Ron hadn't seen Harry all day, although he did his best to avoid him by not hanging out in places he would be, he did expect to see him that night either in the Gryffindor common room or in the boys dorm rooms. When it became quite late he started to worry. Something was wrong. When everyone started to turn in, Ron grew more and more anxious. Everyone kept asking where Harry was and he couldn't answer. Finally he gave up and headed out to Professor McGonagall's rooms. He knocked on her door and she answered after a few moments dressed in her tartan night robe. "Mr. Weasley, what's wrong?"

Ron fidgeted uncomfortably. "Well Harry isn't in the dorm and I just wondered if you knew where he was?"

McGonagall looked worried "No I have no idea where Mr. Potter is. When did you last see him?"

"Just before lunch, we had an argument and stayed out of each others way."

"Has Miss Granger seen him?"

Ron shook his head. "I don't know but I don't think anyone has seen him."

"You go to bed and leave things to me. I'm sure he's fine." McGonagall assured him.

Ron nodded and trudged slowly back to his room.

Minerva immediately floo'd Snape, who told her he would be there shortly. He knocked on her door.

"I'm sorry I couldn't talk over the floo, Draco's asleep and I didn't want him to wake up, I'd have to suppress the urge to yell at him again."

"Why, what happened?"

"He behaved deplorably today. He said some extremely cruel things to Potter."

"Oh dear...I wonder if... Severus, Potter is missing."

Snape's dark eyes widened considerably. "Missing? How long as he been missing?"

"We're not sure but possibly all afternoon and evening. Apparently he and Mr. Weasley also exchanged words today."

"I'll check the grounds if you check the castle. If we can't find him shortly we'll need to get the headmaster and Lupin and Molly."

Minerva nodded and immediately took off down the hallway.

Fear clenched Snape's heart. The severity of Draco's words might have caused Harry to have another one of his strange attacks.

As Snape stepped out into the chilly night air, he remembered finding Harry down by the lake last year when he was upset. He held out his wand "lumos". He almost missed the dark shape curled up on its side under a large yew. He rushed over and bent down beside him.

"Oh Potter, what have you done?" He asked softly as he checked his breathing and pulse. With a groan he picked him up hurrying to the hospital wing with him.

"Poppy!"

"What is it? Oh no not Potter again. Here put him down." She immediately began to check over Harry. "He's icy cold?"

"He was outside, I don't know for how long. Could have been hours." Snape stood back anxiously as Madam Pomfrey moved her wand over him.

"I'm getting some potions, please get him a warmth package and put 3 blankets over him to warm him up. Aside from a bruised jaw there are no other signs of injury."

Snape immediately accio'd a warmth package and placed it on Harry's chest, then he covered him with blankets stopping for a moment to gently stroke the black hair out of his pale face.

"I'm sorry Harry." He whispered softly.

"This isn't your fault Severus." McGonagall assured him as she came up behind him.

"I should have talked to Draco earlier about his anger over the accident. I didn't and because of that he lashed out again when Harry attempted to apologize."

"Mr. Malfoy knows better than that and I insist you give him a detention that he will remember as a result of this but Severus you couldn't know any of this would happen. Don't blame yourself. Potter shouldn't have gone outside by himself at night, he knows the rules."

Snape nodded as he looked at Minerva, his dark eyes wide with worry.

She went over to the pale teen putting her hand on his arm.

"Look at him Severus, how much more can he take? We've all tried to figure out what is wrong with him and haven't had any success, how can we help him when we don't know what we are dealing with?"

Snape shook his head.

* * *

He screamed as Professor McGonagall fell dead at his feet. "It's your fault Draco, you put her in danger." Snape snarled at him just before muttering "Crucio." As he screamed again and groaned loudly he found himself shaken roughly. He awoke with a start shivering profusely. It was dark at first but then he felt someone's arm around him. He put his hands over his face gasping for air. At first he thought it was Snape beside him but then he realized it was the headmaster patting his back and telling him to breathe deeply.

"How long has he been having nightmares?"

"I suspect since last year." Came Snape's voice.

"That's it Draco, nice long breaths."

He dropped his hand to look at the headmaster who regarded him over his half moon glasses.

"What was the nightmare about?"

Draco's insides twisted and he quickly replied. "I don't remember."

"Draco?" He reluctantly raised his eyes to the headmaster who looked intently at him for a moment then abruptly got up.

"Severus let's get back to our meeting." Then he turned to the blond teen again. "Try and get some sleep."

He nodded and glanced surreptitiously at Snape to see if he was still furious with him.

Snape looked him with concern but there was still anger in his gaze. Draco turned away burying his head in his pillow with a groan.

"You need to talk to him." Dumbledore stated shortly.

"He doesn't want to talk."

"He needs to. Severus you aren't going to like this but I went into his mind."

"You performed legilimens on him!" Snape snarled angrily.

"Calm down, it was solely for his benefit. You must realize ever since last year, he has lost weight, his grades are slipping and he looks worn. These nightmares are wreaking havoc with him, it is no small wonder that he lost his temper."

"What did you see?"

"I saw what I'm assuming was his most recent nightmare, Minerva died in front of him, you blamed him then performed the cruciatus curse on him."

Snape paled considerably. He realized a long shaky breath.

"Severus, the boy is badly scarred by last years events. I'm assuming you were angry with him after what he said to Harry?"

Snape nodded, feeling sick inside.

"Your anger combined with his guilt over how he behaved has no doubt led to this nightmare."

Snape sighed. "What am I supposed to do? I've given him a weeks detention with Filch, I can't just not do anything?"

"No carry on with the punishment but assure him that no matter how angry you are at him you still care about him. He needs correction but he desperately needs your support also."

"I'll talk to him when I'm calmer."

"Good, then let's resume discussing Harry's condition."

"None of us have been able to figure it out, the pain seems to be caused by anger."

Dumbledore stared at the wall.

"Do you know something Professor Dumbledore?"

The light blue eyes looked serious. "Albus,"

Snape looked uncomfortable but quietly responded "Albus."

"Nothing definite. We'll have to see what develops further."

Harry felt warm, safe and content when he awakened. He stretched out but then sneezed and his head hurt again.

"Wotcher Harry, are you cold?"

He opened his eyes to see Tonks sitting beside him. "Lo Tonks." He said quietly, his throat hurt.

"How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

"Tired."

"How's your head? Was it like last time?"

"Yah, it's gone though, I just have a headache now."

Tonks sighed regarding the black haired teen looking so pale. His green eyes were troubled and sad. She patted his shoulder.

"Wasn't the smartest thing you ever did going outside on such a damp chilly night."

"That's an understatement." Came Snape's voice with a touch of unheeded anger. "What were you thinking?"

"Sorry."

"Draco shouldn't have said what he did but that was no reason to endanger yourself."

"It wasn't just what Draco said." He responded wearily closing his eyes.

"Harry what happened then?" Tonks queried.

"I just want to sleep."

"Professor McGonagall mentioned that you had a fight with Weasley. Is that how your jaw was bruised?" Snape asked, his voice low and stern brooking no room for evasiveness.

"Yes." He reluctantly answered.

"What were you fighting about?"

Harry shook his head. He knew they were trying to help but he didn't want to talk about what had happened.

"Was it about a girl?" Tonks asked.

Harry's eyes snapped open for a moment, then looked away.

Snape scowled. "Is this about Miss Granger?"

When Harry didn't respond Snape continued.

"It seems to me that the three of you have been friends for a long time. I'm sure whatever little fight you have had will in time iron itself out." Snape stated firmly.

He snorted. "Not this time, I messed up."

"How so." Tonks asked patiently.

Harry didn't want them to know but he also wanted them to stop talking and let him go back to sleep.

"Ron saw Mione and me kiss after the game." Harry mumbled, yawning.

For a moment Snape thought back to the moment he witnessed Miss Granger kissing Draco on the cheek after he had overheated from the sun. Was it possible that Draco had feelings for her and he too had seen the kiss and that was partially what had caused his vicious outburst?

Tonks added reassuringly. "Snape's right Harry, you have all been through so much together, your friendship is strong enough to survive anything, even a kiss."

Harry sneezed again. "Hope so."

"He seems to be getting sick, do you have a potion or something to help him?" She asked Snape.

He smiled at her softly. "Just like in the muggle world, the wizard world has no known cure for a cold."

Next chapter: Harry is sick, Draco pays, Ron is remorseful, Hermione talks with 'the boys'.


	10. scared and lonely

_A/N: You are all great! THANK YOU for all the lovely and in some cases long   
reviews, I especially love the lengthy ones as I love hearing about the things you especially like. I found myself having a hard time with this chapter's calmer scenes, due to U.S. election results I was angstier (hmmm I don't think that's a word) than usual so I have moved one scene in particular to the next chapter so I can do it justice. I had to splinch this chapter so there will be another chapter in two weeks. Hope you all had a lovely Halloween! I dyed my hair vivid violet and went to a party as Tonks. There was no Snape there but I did see a Hagrid!_

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 10 - scared and lonely**

"The birds they sang at the break of day

Start again I heard them say

Don't dwell on what has passed away or what is yet to be.

Anthem – Leonard Cohen

When Harry awoke the next morning it was with a headache, a sore throat and a fever. He rarely ever got sick, in fact hadn't had a cold since he was little. Back then, aside from forcing medication down his throat, he had had little attention and care from the Dursleys. In between feverish naps, he didn't have much recollection of it other than Uncle Vernon yelling at him later about how much time they had to waste on him.

Madam Pomfrey set up a little tray beside him. "I know you don't feel much like eating but it's important for you to keep your strength up and you must drink plenty of fluids."

He nodded miserably and responded hoarsely. "I'll try."

He glanced over at the food with disgust. He groaned and closed his eyes again trying to focus on how happy he had been when he caught the snitch for Sirius.

He sighed softly when suddenly a cool cloth was put on his forehead. He drowsily opened his eyes to find Mrs. Weasley sitting beside him.

"Oh Harry, that was very foolish of you to go outside yesterday. Look at you, you could get pneumonia." She scolded.

Annoyance rose him at her words. He didn't need to be scolded like some five-year-old.

He didn't respond.

"I had a talk with Ron and although he didn't say much he did say he hit you after you two had an argument about Hermione. I will give him detention."

"NO!" Harry shouted as loud as his sore throat would allow. "I mean please don't, you'll just make it worse."

She looked at him disapprovingly. "Fine but if the situation gets worse between you two I want you to tell me."

He nodded in relief. "I will" He agree just to pacify her.

"Now Harry dear, is there anything I can do or get you to make you feel a little better? Oh look at your blankets they are all tangled." She proceeded to straighten out them out and Harry had to admit he was so much more comfortable.

"Thanks."

She looked at him concerned. She knew that he had had another one of his attacks and passed out in the cold. He didn't look well, very pale but his cheeks were flushed. His black hair was even more mussed than usual. She took the cloth on his forehead and dipped it into the cold water by the bedside. She wrung it out and placed it down again. He smiled softly. "I'm fine. Honest, Mrs. Weasley. No-one ever fussed over me when I was sick and I always recovered."

Her eyes were filled with sympathy. "Harry, I wish your mother had been able to be there. She would have loved you so much and you would have had a wonderful childhood with her and your father."

His long lashed lids dropped momentarily as he swallowed heavily.

Her hand came out to stroke his hair. "Get some rest dear but first I want you to drink this pomegranate juice."

He opened his eyes again as she guided the straw to his lips. He swallowed slowly, his throat felt painful as the cool liquid went down.

He felt so sleepy again. The last thing he remembered before sleep overtook him was Mrs. Weasley pulling the blanket up to his neck.

"Sleep Harry dear." She whispered.

* * *

"What happened to Harry?" Hermione demanded.

Ron threw her a wounded look. "I don't know."

"When he didn't turn up in the common room last night I went to Professor McGonagall, she told me that both you and Draco had a fight with him. Draco I can understand because he's been foul lately but how could you fight with him knowing everything he has gone through and is still going through?"

Ron looked away his expression mingled with both anger and guilt.

"What did you fight about?'

Anger won out. "Your secret little relationship! It would have been nice if at least one of you would have bothered to tell me about it! Instead I get to hear how you're snogging on the Quidditch field!"

Hermione paled. "Ron it wasn't like that. We're not a couple."

"What are you then?"

"First and foremost Harry and I are friends, after that I'm not sure. I love and care about Harry, don't you realize Ron, that we are his family! We need to be there for him. As for a kiss or two, I'm not sure what that means yet." She blushed furiously upon saying those words.

"You could have told me." Ron said quietly, his blue eyes looked hurt.

"I'm sorry. Neither one of us meant to be secretive, it's just not something to talk about when you don't know what it is."

Ron didn't respond.

"Ron, you are acting like you're hurt or something. What's bothering you? Is it the kiss? Is it because Harry and I kissed? Why would that bother you, it's not like you have ever made a move towards me?"

Ron scowled.

Hermione studied him quietly. "Do you think of me as more than a friend?"

"No...well maybe yes, I don't know."

Hermione signed. "Look judging by the reaction that kiss caused perhaps it isn't a good idea to mix friendship with anything else. It just makes everything complicated."

"Sorry Mione, maybe I didn't handle this right."

Hermione snorted, "maybe??? You decked Harry." She paced around the empty common room.

"Will you talk to him...calmly?" Hermione asked him coming closer to him.

His blue eyes still retained some hurt and he replied, "maybe." He left the room.

Hermione followed shortly after him. They had a double potions class. Her eyes wandered over to where Draco usually sat but he wasn't there. They worked on a 'halmesk' potion. It was designed to alter the hair colour instantly after swallowing the correct dosage.

As Snape went over the ingredients list, the door swung open and Draco awkwardly limped in on his crutches. He looked pale, tired and miserable.

"You are late, Mr. Malfoy, 5 points from Slytherin!" Snape spat out.

Everyone from Gryffindors to Slytherins gasped. Snape had never deducted points from a Slytherin in potions class.

Hermione glanced at Professor Snape and reached the conclusion that for some reason he was very annoyed at Draco. She wondered if it had anything to do with Harry. She looked over to Draco again who carefully lowered his crutches and balanced on his good leg to sit down beside Pansy. Pansy immediately fawned over him. He looked resentful yet at the same time very subdued. He must have had a major row with Snape.

Hermione decided to turn her hair violet, a colour she had seen Tonks have on occasion. Snape came around examining everyone's potions and watching their hair change colour as they drank them.

"Miss Granger that is a colour that would not help in disguise."

Hermione inwardly cringed waiting for Snape to take points from Gryffindor but as his eyes lingered on her hair for a moment he moved on wordlessly.

As his eyes lingered on the violet colour his thought unconsciously wandered to thoughts of Tonks. He had meant to deduct points from Gryffindor but somehow he couldn't bring himself to do so.

Draco had gone back to Snape's rooms. He hadn't wanted to but Snape coldly   
insisted on it. He was sitting in bed working on a divination list of   
predictions when there was a knock at the door.

He reluctantly responded. "Come in."

Hermione entered. Her dark eyes regarded him anxiously.

He sneered at her. "What do you want? Come to see if Snape has yanked me   
over his knees yet? In case you hadn't noticed I'm a little to old for   
that. Besides my father gave me enough of that and worse to last me a   
lifetime. So I suggest you leave!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Do you always have to be so melodramatic?"

His eyes flashed angrily.

She took a deep breath. He looked as bad as he had in Potions class. "Look   
Draco, even though you once again called me a mudblood without any regard   
for my feelings, I unlike you have remorse for what I said. I shouldn't   
have said it and I'm sorry."

He hadn't expected her to apologize, he thought she'd come and go off on   
him again for what he said to Harry.

Confusion crossed his features, then he sighed. "Thank you." He said softly   
glancing at her.

"You're welcome." She said curtly and turned to leave.

"Wait!"

She turned slowly back to him. His light eyes looked anxious. "I'm sorry   
too."

Her eyes were still hard and unforgiving. "You are always sorry later but   
it never stops you from using that word. You know it hurts me so you   
purposely spit it out at me. It leads me to believe you haven't really   
changed. Whenever you are angry you revert back to your old self and it   
doesn't matter who gets hurt. Sometimes I wonder why I bother to keep   
trying to be your friend."

Draco shrugged and dropped his gaze to the blanket. He didn't know what to say to   
Hermione. In one fell swoop he had alienated everyone.

She came closer to him. "Why are you doing this? I thought after everything   
we went through at the end of last year we could at least be friends, I   
thought you wanted to? Remember when I took you to the room of   
requirements?"

He looked up at her then; his face looked thin, pale and miserable. He nodded   
slowly, his eyes looking sad. "Of course I remember." He paused looking   
away again, clearly uncomfortable. "I want to be friends with you."

She smiled softly, relieved to hear him say it. "I'm glad." She sat on the   
edge of the bed. He looked at her again his silver eyes wide.

"How are feeling?" She asked softly.

He shrugged, attempted a smirk but failed miserably. Something in his eyes   
prompted her to lean over and put her arms around in a soft hug. There was   
no hesitation as he grasped her tightly dropping his head into her hair.

"I'm just so tired." He mumbled.

"Are you still having nightmares."

He nodded as he let go of her and pulled back slightly looking uneasy

"Does Professor Snape know?"

He snorted. "Just about everyone knows."

"Good, maybe they can help."

He shook his head. "Unless they drug me with dreamless sleep potion there's   
nothing they can do."

"A lot has happened." She acknowledged.

He stayed silent. She put her hand down on his and squeezed it softly. He   
turned his hand over and squeezed hers back then looked up and smiled   
softly at her.

In that second her heart skipped a beat. Sometimes Draco reminded her of   
some hurt wild animal and just now for that second he had responded to her   
with trust.

Before she could say anything the door banged open and Snape entered.

"Miss Granger." He nodded acknowledging her, he glanced at Draco to see him   
withdraw his hand from hers. He went into the other room smiling to   
himself. So part of Draco's outburst was connected to his feelings for the   
Granger girl.

"I better go. I hope you don't have any nightmares tonight." She smiled   
softly at him and left.

When Snape heard the door close he went into the other room.

"Are you ready to apologize to Potter yet?"

"Will it get me out of the detention?" He asked subdued.

"No."

He felt a heavy weight in his gut, he hated having Snape mad at him. "I'll   
go talk to him."

He grabbed his crutches and got up wincing as his knee gave a sharp pain.

Snape headed over to the door opening it for him.

He looked at Snape resentfully, "I'm going alone!"

He paused for a moment debating whether he should force his charge to make   
the apology in front of him.

When his eyes met Draco's stormy glare and he noted how his chin thrust up   
defiantly, he decided to let him retain some dignity. He was apologizing   
and that was progress for him. He nodded and shut the door behind him.

Draco squeezed his eyes shut tightly then took a deep breath and started to   
slowly head up the stairs. Part of him regretted not letting Snape come.   
Maybe once he heard the apology he would forgive him, maybe even be a   
little proud of him. He felt as if his heart was dragging on the floor as he   
entered the hospital wing. He made his way over to Potter's bed.

He looked awful, his skin tone pale but his cheeks flushed red. When he   
opened his eyes they shone a bright feverish green.

"What do you want?" He asked, his voice scratchy as he looked at the pale   
blond boy standing uncomfortably before him.

"I just came to say that I'm sorry."

Harry laughed harshly. "For what? For being a git and not accepting my   
apology when you knew it was an accident? Or for saying it didn't   
matter to me that Cedric died? Or perhaps you wanted to add that it also   
didn't matter that I cost Sirius his life?"

With his grey eyes wide and ridden with regret, Draco awkwardly sat down   
putting his crutches beside him. "Look it's really hard for me to talk to   
you, after all these years." He sighed heavily, "I know you didn't do it on   
purpose and I shouldn't have said what I did about Cedric. I'm sorry,   
really I am." He sighed again, hesitating before he continued. "I wanted to   
catch the snitch for Snape and for me, just once I wanted to beat you. Instead Snape now hates me." He said the last sentence in almost a whisper.

Harry stayed silent for a minute then responded "I really am sorry your   
knee got busted because of me." He grinned wryly, "Snape doesn't hate you."

He snorted. "Well he's doing a pretty good imitation of it then."

"He gets pissed way too easily but he doesn't mean it, well not in your   
case anyway."

"So was it my fault that you're in here?"

"I don't know."

"It was pretty stupid going outside."

"Now you sound just like Snape." Harry laughed hoarsely. He was relieved that Malfoy had finally come to his senses.

"Mr. Malfoy! Leaving the hospital wing as you did last night as an extremely foolish act! Your kneecap was smashed; you can't just go traipsing about on it until it has fully healed! Now hop on the bed so I can look at it." Came Madam Pomfrey's order as she walked up to the boys.

"No, it's ok, Professor Snape has been looking at it." Draco protested.

Pomfrey hrrrmphed and pointed to the bed, not allowing for any resistance.

He reluctantly hopped up as she pulled aside his robe and rolled up his   
pant leg. She poked and prodded at his throbbing knee making him flinch and hiss a few times.

"It is healing but it will take at least another day." She applied a cold compress   
soaked in healing potion on it. "Let it sit there for about 5 minutes, then   
you can go." She looked at him sternly.

He nodded suddenly wanting nothing more that to lie down and sleep, but he   
knew he couldn't he had to be back in Snape's rooms for an occlumency   
lesson and the last thing he wanted to do was anger Snape more than he   
already was.

"Do you have to stay in here?"

"Yah, just for the night."

Potter was obviously very tired and sick, he lay back on the pillow and   
closed his eyes. Draco regarded him silently. For almost six years he had   
hated him with a passion, almost an obsession. All he wanted to do was make   
his life miserable and come out ahead of him. His father was constantly   
harping on how much better Potter was than him at just about everything, and what a disappointment he was to the name of Malfoy. He'd heard it over and over   
again until it all welled up in a fury of hatred towards the black haired   
boy on the bed. Now his life had changed so much he didn't really hate him   
anymore at least not all of the time. After the five minutes were up, Madam   
Pomfrey came back and removed the compress. He got up as quietly as he   
could, even though the crutches banged into the bedside, Potter didn't wake   
up. He clumsily made his way back down to Snape's rooms.

"Draco! Are you all right, are you feeling any better? You look so tired."   
Pansy had cornered him in the hallway and had her hands all over him. He   
hugged her back for a moment then realizing how much more he enjoyed being   
hugged by Granger.

"I'm fine Pansy, I need to get back to Snape's rooms, I'm late   
for...a...special potion lesson he's giving me." Draco realized he almost   
slipped and said Occlumency.

"You're the best potions maker ever." She flirted with him.

He smirked. "I know, but thanks anyway."

"Will you be at dinner?"

"Probably not, I need to rest my knee after all my classes today it's pretty   
sore."

Her pug face pouted. "I'll miss you."

"Yah I miss you too." He responded feeling confused as to the validity of   
his words.

* * *

Harry was awakened by the sound of someone awkwardly clearing his throat nearby. He reached over the nightstand taking his glasses again, madam Pomfrey must have put them there. He was startled to find Ron standing beside the bed.

"Er, Harry. "He looked awkward. "I shouldn't have hit you."

Harry didn't respond. He wasn't sure what he should say to Ron. Would Ron explode if he tried to explain again? "Ron, I didn't mean to..."

"It's ok , you don't have to explain again. I should have listened the first time. Mione and I talked. I overreacted and I guess I waited too long to let her know."

He sighed as he stared at the ground.

"I'm sorry but I mean, I don't know what will happen between Hermione and me, it might only be friendship, I don't know."

Ron nodded. "I better go. I am s..."

"It's ok."

"Are you going to be all right?"

Harry nodded. He felt very sleepy and yawned again.

"I'll come visit tomorrow." Ron promised.

Harry lay back, even though his head still hurt and he still felt miserable physically, his heart felt much lighter. He had barely closed his eyes again he heard the door the hospital wing close. He opened his eyes again to find Hermione walking towards him.

"Harry are you all right?"

"I guess as long as you ignore the sore throat, aches, pains and fever." He smiled softly then reached over to drink some of the juice so his voice wouldn't sound so gravelly. " Ron came to talk to me, I think he's ok now."

Hermione nervously bit her lip. "I care about you so much. You know that Harry, right?"

"I know and I care about you too."

"But I'm just thinking maybe we shouldn't..." She hesitated for a moment. "confuse our friendship by kissing, well at least not for awhile."

Harry felt his face heating up under the fever's flush. He had liked kissing Hermione and being close to her but he also liked being friends with her. Their kiss had made everything complicated, yet the closeness had felt so good.

"Ok."

He looked dejected. Hermione longed to stroke the hair out of his face. "Are you sure?" She asked softly.

He looked up and gave her a halfhearted grin. "Yah, it's fine." He lied.

* * *

"How's your knee?" Tonks asked as she saw Draco limping towards the dungeon.

"I'll live." He snapped.

"Still in a foul mood I see. What you said to Harry yesterday was very cruel."

His temper got the better of him. "I apologized to him ok! I don't need you and Snape telling me how much I'm like my father, I'M NOT!!! "He yelled at her then suddenly his expression changed and he winced.

"Chill out cous, I never said you were like Lucius." She stepped closer to him.

He took a deep breath. "Well he thinks I am."

"Who? Snape?"

He nodded. Tonks frowned. Draco looked like he hadn't slept in a week, his nerves were obviously frayed and he looked pained.

She followed him slowly into Severus' rooms.

Snape looked at him as he entered. "Well how did it go?"

"Fine." He snapped, resenting Snape's question.

"Are you ready for your lesson, have you been practicing."

"Yes."

"Don't lie! You can get away with that with your simpering friends but not   
with me."

Anger welled up in Draco and he glared at his guardian.

"Severus, can I speak to you out in the hallway for a moment?" Tonks asked as she stepped through the doorway. She had heard the exchange between them.

Both Snape and Draco glared at her with resentment.

Snape with a flourish of his black robes walked briskly across the room and out the door with her, slamming it shut behind him.

"I'm about to conduct an occlumency lesson."

"I'm aware of that, I overheard you."

He looked at her, his dark eyes confused.

"Severus, take a good look at Draco. He looks awful, like death warmed over and you practically bit his head off."

Snape opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off.

"I know he behaved badly with Harry but he's apologized and he's obviously upset. Severus, you have a bad habit of lashing out at people."

"Not that it is any of your concern but perhaps sometimes I have a reason to!"

"Not with the kids. I've heard how you treat some of them, especially the Gryffindors. You need to lighten up Severus."

"You don't understand." He snarled at her.

"I understand more than you'll ever know but taking it out on others doesn't make it any better!" She stood defiantly in front of him, her dark eyes flashing.

His eyes turned cold and emotionless. "I need to start the lesson." He turned and slammed the door shut again.

Tonks took a deep breath and stomped up the stairs.

Draco sat on the bed frozen, his eyes wide as the door slammed shut behind Snape.

Snape then pulled out his wand and snarled. "Ready?"

**Next Chapter:** _Occlumency lesson, Draco recalls his punishment from Dumbledore as he, Flint, Crabbe and Goyle imitated dementors in year 3. Harry has a nightmare, Ginny is there for him. Patronus lesson. Snape and Tonks share a sweet moment._


	11. understanding

**A/N:** _Huge thank you's for all the wonderful reviews, you know they motivate me to write. Since I just stumbled my way through baking cookies I send some virtual chocolate covered shortbread your way! Hey how many of you would be interested in a special warm Christmas oneshot? If so who do you want Harry or Draco?_

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 11 – understanding**

Draco snorted angrily, picked up one of his crutches and pulled  
out his wand.

"Remember to clear your mind and focus on repelling me. Use your wand if you  
need to at the beginning." Snape instructed.

He nodded.

"Legilimens."

There was darkness and then bright red and orange light, screams were so loud, soul-searing sounds of horrible agony, then an awful smell filled the air, as the air grew hot.

The world crumbled, shivering he couldn't hold onto the crutch, he started  
to fall but strong arms caught him.

"Draco? DRACO?"

Trembling uncontrollably trying to inhale large gasps of air he raised his  
eyes to Snape.

"What was that, what happened?"

Draco sat there biting his lip hard, blinking rapidly, breathing heavily.

"Shhhh it's ok, it's over." Snape stroked his hair and reassuringly squeezed his shoulder.

"Choc…chocolate." Draco finally gasped.

Realization dawned on Snape. "Of course." He leapt up over to his desk and  
pulled out a bar of Honeydukes, he quickly broke off a piece and gave it to  
Draco.

He shoved as much of it as possible into his mouth, chewing so quickly he almost choked. Snape wrapped a thick blanket around his shoulders.

"There were obviously Dementors involved but I don't understand that  
memory. What happened?"

Draco pulled back slowly, carefully drawing his knees to his chest. "It  
was when Dumbledore..."

"Professor Dumbledore." Snape gently corrected." "Draco don't bend your knee."

He stretched his sore leg out in front of him before continuing. "Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall's punishment for when  
Crabbe, Goyle, Flint and I impersonated Dementors on the Quidditch field  
three years ago. The Dementors…" He dropped his head to his one bent knee.

Snape sighed heavily. "I remember, I fought with the headmaster to reconsider, it  
was too harsh but the headmaster was furious with me and banned me from  
even being there. You never told me what happened, you threw up when you  
got back to the common room and refused to talk about it. I didn't press  
you," Snape frowned, "all I felt from this particular memory was intense cold, and a lot of anguish. What exactly happened when you left the Quidditch field?"

Draco brought his head up and leaned back against the wall staring at the  
ceiling remembering Dumbledore's anger. His normally twinkling light blue  
eyes had sparkled with a powerful rage, the air had practically crackled around  
him.

_"Did any of you think of the mass panic you could have caused? Students  
could have been hurt or worse!" The headmaster hadn't yelled but his voice  
was deep and powerful and resonated a reluctantly controlled anger. _

He had shivered slightly; he had never seen the headmaster with so much  
fury on his face. Fear had welled up in him, his chest had felt tight and  
his knees felt like rubber. He had never been in this much trouble before.

"In all my years at Hogwarts this is one of the vilest stunts I have  
ever witnessed! If Mr. Potter had had the same reaction as last time he could have been killed! He has endured more trauma than anything in your worst nightmares!"  
The headmaster chastised as the four boys and Professor McGonagall walked  
back into Hogwarts.

When they passed by the caretaker he spoke up.

"Headmaster, I would be pleased to get the whips." He grinned diabolically  
"and make them scream a bit."

Dumbledore's face twitched slightly. "As tempting as that may be and I  
thank you for the offer Argus but I have another punishment in mind. It  
will be more effective than a whip in teaching these boys what they need to  
learn."

They looked anxiously at each other.

The caretaker walked away grumbling about the good old days. The four boys  
were practically trembling as they entered a room they had never seen  
before.

"Minerva stay with them, I'll return momentarily."

"Albus are you sure about this?"

"Yes this needs to be a punishment they won't soon forget."

Draco felt sick at his words, the huge knot of fear curling in his stomach  
grew. When his father found out he had been caught and punished by  
Dumbledore he'd be furious.

When Dumbledore returned he motioned to the door, which led to an adjoining  
room.

"Marcus come with me please."

Marcus, cocky with his head held high in defiance briskly followed the  
headmaster into the room next door. No sounds were heard but when he came  
out, he was pale, his eyes wide with terror. Crabbe came next. He trembled  
before he even went near the door. He too came out a few minutes later,  
trembling, his face shiny with sweat. Goyle was called directly after. He  
sobbed as he came out of the room a few moments later.

"Mr. Malfoy!" McGonagall sharply said.

Draco looked up at her, his eyes wide and pleading he shook his head  
softly.

"Go on, you performed the deed, now face up to the consequences.

He wanted to beg and plead but the Malfoy pride wouldn't let him. Pulling  
himself together and thrusting up his pointy chin, he sneered and went to  
the room.

Immediately he was enveloped in an icy chill. He whimpered unconsciously.  
The headmaster stood in the corner with wand drawn and a soft silvery light  
glowing from the end.

In the other corner he heard a long drawn out rasping sound.

"Since you are so fond of the Dementors and take great pleasure in  
tormenting others for their reaction to them. I thought it an appropriate  
lesson for you to get a taste of your own medicine."

"No!" Draco gasped and turned swiftly to grab the door it was locked. The  
huge black shape loomed up behind him; he turned feeling colder and weaker  
by the moment. A withered slimy hand reached towards him. He cried out,  
then he heard screams and cries, felt a fire hot in his face and then  
inhaled a horrible smell.

What had seemed like hours but were in reality only minutes he found himself on  
the floor whimpering and shaking, feeling queasy. The dementor was gone and  
Dumbledore's hands were on his shoulders.

"I didn't expect him to have such an extreme reaction." Came Professor  
McGonagall's voice.

"Nor did I." Came Dumbledore's voce softer and less angry that it had been  
before. "Here Draco eat this chocolate, it will help."

With shaking hands he took the chocolate and crammed as much of it into his  
mouth that he could chew without choking. The professors sat back watching  
him till he regained his composure.

"Would you care to talk about what you saw?" Came the headmaster's voice.

"No." Draco responded hoarsely looking away fighting back tears that were threatening to leak out..

"I hope Draco that you will now think to respond with empathy towards your  
schoolmates. I realize this lesson was hard but I could think of nothing  
more effective in getting through to you as well as this. If I ever hear of  
you tormenting anyone about their reactions to the Dementors again or  
putting any of the students at risk, you will be expelled. Have I made  
myself clear?"

Draco looked up his heart beating rapidly, he swallowed hard and responded  
curtly with a "Yes Sir." Misery welled up tightly in his chest. He shakily  
left the room and headed for the dungeon. He felt dizzy and fought the urge  
to throw up.

"I hated Dumbledore for making me feel that way. When the dementor came at  
me, it was so cold and I heard screams and then it was hot and there was a  
horrible smell in the air. I don't know why I smelled and heard that" He  
explained hoarsely.

Snape went pale. "Oh Merlin."

He looked up at him. "What?"

Snape looked incredibly uneasy. "I think I know from when that was."

Recovering a little Draco sat up straighter. "What?"

"When you were just a little over a year old, just before the dark lord  
lost his powers, there was a death eater meeting in the dungeons at Malfoy  
manner. Lucius had brought you to it stating that you'd likely sleep  
through it. Muggles were tortured that night." Snape's voice dropped to a  
whisper. "Burned alive."

Draco's hands came up over his face, the nausea returning.

The potion's master's arms went around him. "It was a long time ago, that's  
what we are working on preventing now. Okay?" He whispered to him.

His arms went tightly around Snape's neck for a moment as he breathed deeply. Snape rubbed his back. "You need to focus on blocking me, you can't keep letting your memories overwhelm you."

Draco pulled back and cleared his throat.

"Go to bed now, take some calming potion and get some sleep." Snape ordered as  
he picked up the crutches and handed them to him.

He pulled himself up and headed over to the bed. Snape left the room.

It was already quite dark as Snape got to the top of the astronomy tower. He opened the door and stood outside by the rail inhaling the night.

"I didn't know that you come up here?" came a curious voice from a dark corner.

Startled Snape drew out his wand.

"Relax it's just me." Tonks stepped out of the shadows.

His dark eyes looked confused. "Why are up here?"

She replied softly, "I just needed a quiet place to think." She went to the railing and stared out into the night as the wind ruffled her hair.

He watched her quietly for a moment. "Is everything all right?"

She glanced up at him. "Some things will never be right …" She hesitated before continuing, "But you learn to live with them. How's Draco?"

"Hopefully asleep by now." The wind blew his black hair over his face. "I am too impatient with him sometimes."

"He loves you so much, I think when you are upset with him it makes him really miserable and I think that contributes to his nightmares. He doesn't feel safe or secure.. There is no worse feeling in the world Severus when you don't feel safe."

Snape sighed. "I know. But I don't know how to change that. I'm his guardian now he should feel safe, he's also got Minerva and Albus…and you."

"And Remus." Tonks added.

Snape nodded grudgingly.

"Give him a detention if he behaves badly but don't get so angry with him. He must have flashbacks of his father all the time."

"I'm not like Lucius!" Snape gasped.

"Of course not, I didn't mean that." She put her hand on his arm to console him.

"I meant with all the trauma he went through he no doubt feels very insecure when everyone is upset with him."

"I know." Snape stated softly his voice deep. He sat down on the stone ledge and continued hesitantly.. "There are times when he flinches and shrinks away when he thinks I'm angry."

"Knowing everything he has been through that must be hard to see."

Snape nodded looking at the ground, his chest feeling tight from worry over Draco. "I don't know how to stop his nightmares."

Tonk's heart clenched in pity. She had never seen the dark potions master look so vulnerable. Impulsively she reached down and softly kissed his forehead.

"I'm sure you'll find a way to help my cousin."

Snape stiffened at her touch but then relaxed as she kept her hand on his shoulder.

She sat down beside him. "I know he can't take dreamless sleep potion for more than two nights but what about a strong calming potion?"

He nodded, "I've made him strong doses before but once it wears off he awakens with another nightmare. His grades have dropped, he's irritable, emotional."

"Love goes a long way in healing, just keep reassuring him and talking to him. I'll try to help." She encouraged him softly.

He glanced at her for a moment, his dark eyes wide and uncertain, then looked away again. "I should go check on him then."

"Give him my best."

Snape stood up. "I will. Are you coming down?"

She smiled at him, her dark eyes full of warmth, "Not yet, I'm going to stay for awhile longer."

"Thank you." His mouth twitched into a brief smile.

She smiled softly in response.

As Snape headed back to the dungeon he ran into Minerva.

"Severus are you all right? Are you coming down with Potter's cold?"

He frowned at her. "No of course not, why would you think that?'

"You look all flushed?"

He flushed an even deeper shade of pink at her words. "Oh, well it must have been the wind, I was outside, getting a breath of air, and it was windy."

Minerva's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Snape did many things but rambling was never one of them.

"I'm glad to hear that you aren't ill then."

Snape nodded as he hastily headed down the hall.

Draco lay awake despite the calming potion. He idly played with Loki as many troubled thoughts went through his head. When Snape came in later he came over to him and sat down beside the bed.

"You should be sleeping."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

He shook his head and turned away towards the wall, causing Snape's heart  
to give a painful jolt.

Snape then did something that startled Draco; it was something he  
had never done before. Snape leaned down and kissed the top of his head.  
"I'm proud of you for apologizing to Potter, and Draco know this, no matter  
what you do I love you very much, more than I ever thought possible. We are family now. Please try to sleep." With that he went into his own bedroom, leaving Draco's heart feeling light. Feeling more content than he had in days he laid his tired head on the pillow, cuddled Loki and closed his eyes.

Shadows danced around him, voices taunted him, Voldemort and the death eaters stood in front of him, he pulled out his wand but before he could utter a word the horrible pain in his head surfaced again, darkness closed over him as he felt himself falling to the sound of deatheaters laughter. Harry bolted up in bed with a strangled gasp. He found himself in someone's arms.

Ginny had felt terrible for telling Ron about Harry and Hermione. She  
realized she should have thought it through and considered what Ron's  
reaction would be. She never in a million years wanted Harry to be hurt.  
She went into the hospital wing and sat by his bedside. He was sleeping  
restlessly. His black hair damp from fever. He whimpered in his sleep.  
Concerned she sat on the edge of the bed stroking his arm. He suddenly  
bolted up with a cry and she wrapped her arms around him. He clasped her  
tightly almost desperately.

"Shhhh Harry, it's all right. You're ok, you're in the hospital ward. He  
breathed heavily into her shoulder. She stroked his back.

Harry realized by the red hair he was grasping that it was Ginny whose arms  
he had practically leapt into. As the dream faded he realized everyone was  
safe, everyone but Sirius. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and trembled.  
After a few more deep breaths he calmed enough to loosen his tight grip on  
Ginny.

"Are you all right?" She asked anxiously.

"I'm fine." He muttered embarrassed

"Harry I just wanted to make sure you're ok. Ron was so angry and I felt so  
bad."

"It's ok Ginny, I'm all right. I just have a cold and I shouldn't have gone  
outside. It's not Ron's fault."

She tentatively touched his bruised jaw. "He hit you?"

He gave her a wry grin. "It's all right, really."

She longed to wrap her arms around him again but instead she just smiled  
softly.

"Do you mind if I just sit here with you for a bit? I mean I know you're  
tired and you're supposed to rest, so I'll just stay till you fall asleep  
again."

Drowsiness overwhelmed him and he nodded.

"You should lie down."

"Yah, I guess so."

He lay down again and smiled at her softly. "Thanks Gin, for coming to see me."

She smiled back at him.

"Why wouldn't I, I mean we're friends, right?"

He nodded, his black hair falling over his eyes.

Without thinking Ginny reached over and brushed the hair out of his eyes. He looked at her startled and she blushed in response.

She cleared her throat, "so did you have a nightmare when you woke up so suddenly?

His green eyes came up to meet hers for a moment then he focused on the end of the bed. He didn't want to talk about it.

"Was it about Sirius?" She asked hesitantly.

He shook his head.

Her dark eyes regarded him with sympathy. "You know Who?"

He replied bitterly, "Yes."

A pained expression formed on her face. She reached out and took his hand into her own.

"You will defeat him and we will all help you."

He smiled sadly.

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even be here. You are strong and brave, you are my hero."

He laughed harshly. "Ginny I'm not a hero."

She grinned, "ok then, be modest if you have to."

He turned towards her. "It's not a joke, the deatheaters and Voldemort could kill all of you and I'll end up with this stupid pain in my head being useless!"

He winced when his head throbbed and put his hands up to rub his temples.

Ginny snorted. "I know it's not a joke, I KNOW how powerful he is first hand! I also know how strong you are you beat him before you can do it again."

Harry lay back on the pillow, looking exhausted.

"Don't think about it now, get some rest, get over this cold. Everyone is trying to find a cure to the pain, they will and then everything will be fine." She quieted down and reassured him.

"Everything won't be fine, my parents, Cedric and Sirius will all still be dead." He replied stubbornly.

She bit her lip worriedly. "Don't think about that, it's in the past now and we can't change it. Your parents died so that you could live. Cedric's death wasn't your fault. Sirius died trying to save you. Don't let their deaths be in vain."

His green eyes looked desolate but he nodded listlessly. She squeezed his hand. "Close your eyes and sleep."

He smiled softly then. "I'm sorry Ginny, you are right it will be all right. I'm just not feeling well right now.

She smiled warmly then and squeezed his hand again. This time he squeezed back closing his eyes and sighing sleepily. She stayed with him until he was asleep.

_One by one they fell, first Hermione, then Neville, Luna, Ginny and Ron. Voldemort's red eyes shone with pleasure. He pointed his wand at him as the _horrible_ pain tore through his head immobilizing him. He heard Voldemort cackle "Avada Kedavra"._

He woke up screaming "NOOOOOOOOO!" His hand to his scar and he moaned in pain.

"Potter! Harry shhhh calm down, you're dreaming."

His throat felt raw, he was sore and hot he opened his eyes and stared at Snape. He bent over gasping for air while his heart pounded painfully.

He brought his hands up over his face and sat there hunched over. Snape's hand fell gently onto his neck. He didn't speak just quietly letting him recover.

When Harry lifted his head, the anguished look in his green eyes tore a hole in Snape's heart. "Lie down." He managed to say quietly.

Harry turned away from Snape, he felt sick and his skin was clammy.

Again Snape's hand came out this time to rest reassuringly on his shoulder.

"Have you been practicing occlumency to ward off the dark lord."

Harry's voice sounded strained. "It's not Voldemort, it was just a nightmare."

"About Black?"

The dark head shook indicating a negative response.

Snape squeezed his shoulder. "Maybe I can help if you tell me what it was about."

With that Harry turned towards him shaking off his hand. "You haven't found out why I keep getting this pain in my head so you can't help. No one can."

"Perhaps the dreams are connected? We'll never know if you keep everything to yourself." Snape prodded.

Harry closed his eyes for a moment. Snape winced softly as regarded him, he was deathly pale, and his black hair stuck to his forehead. When his eyes opened again they were bright with fever.

"He killed Hermione, Ron, Neville, Luna and Ginny, then hurled Avada Kedavra at me. Satisfied?"

Snape's dark eyes narrowed. "I didn't ask because I wanted to torment you."

Harry released a frustrated breath.

"Have you been having many nightmares?"

"Two in a row tonight but otherwise no."

"Potter you are feverish, you are hallucinating. These unexplainable head pains are frightening."

He raised his head and shouted, "I'm not frightened, I just want this to stop!"

"Potter CALM DOWN or I will force calming potion down your throat!" Snape growled.

The black lashes closed for a moment as he fell back onto the pillows and took a deep breath.

"I suggest you try to relax." He soaked a cloth in some ice water and placed it on Harry's head.

"Thank you." He responded reluctantly glancing up at him.

His green eyes once again made him think of Lily. He nodded. "Good night son."

He got up and started towards the door when suddenly his words came back at him in shock. He had called Harry 'son'. He managed to keep walking out into the hallway closing the door behind him. He brought a hand up to his forehead taking a deep breath.

Harry lay frozen in place. The potions master had just called him son. He remembered Draco telling him that Snape thought of him as a son but he never thought that he'd actually hear those words coming out of Snape's mouth. On one hand it made him feel resentful. He was James Potter's son, not Snape's. Yet never having known his father, it made him feel secure somehow knowing that Snape was there for him, that he cared for him, sort of like a godfather would, like Sirius did. He played the words over in his mind again "Good night son." He smiled softly as the weariness descended over him again.

**Next chapter**: _Draco's patronus revealed. Snape gives Harry a private Apparating lesson. Another nightmare for Draco. Care of Magical Creatures Class_


	12. feeling safe

**A/N:** _HELP I need a beta, mine doesn't have time anymore! What I really want to do is post Solstice I on another website ASAP and I need someone to edit it (grammer wise). I promise recognition, lots of praise and my undying gratitude. If anyone is interested please let me know._

_Ok so this chapter was incredibly hard to get out. Not that the actual chapter was hard but the time to write it was elusive. I'm sure you are all enjoying endless parties and get togethers and as much fun as they are, they do burn up time._

_So THANK YOU to you all for the reviews. I am aiming to do 2 possibly three Christmas one shots (Snape fans who emailed me, I have an idea for a Christmas one shot I think you'll like so I'll do my best) which means Yipes I need to write 2 or 3 one shots in a week. I can't promise another chapter on Solstice II before the New Year…unless of course I get pestered endlessly. A big thank you to all who emailed me when fan fic was down and wouldn't allow reviews, an extra big thank you to all who went back later and reviewed on line again._

_Hope you're all having a blast!_

* * *

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 12 – feeling safe**

Draco was late for Lupin's lesson. He hurried as fast as he could on his crutches. As he rounded the corner his crutch slipped and he sprawled.

"Wotcher Draco are you all right?" Tonks rushed towards him.

"I hate these stupid muggle things!" He exclaimed angrily as she helped him to his feet.

Tonks laughed "sucks to be you cous!"

He glared at her.

"Oh come on, these muggle things are helping you heal. It isn't their fault that you messed up Pomfrey's healing."

"I'm just so sick of them. I want to be able to walk again."

"Relax. It will happen soon. Perhaps even this afternoon."

His head dropped as he groaned. "I hope so." He looked up at her and smirked. "Can't you put a good word in for me with Snape?'

She raised her eyebrow. "What makes you think I have any influence over your guardian?"

He smirked again but didn't reply.

"Have fun conjuring up your patronus." She threw after him as he limped away. He turned his head, the smirk had disappeared and a scowl had replaced it.

This time she smirked.

Neville was there along with Hermione and Ron when Draco entered. He scowled again not pleased by his presence. Neville and Luna and Ginny were all aware of what had happened to him and were sworn to secrecy. Lupin sighed looking at the disgruntled bunch. None of them looked like they were ready to do much of anything.

"Draco, would you like to go first?" He asked him softly. He looked a little better this morning, a little more rested.

His stomach clenched. He didn't want to fail in front of Longbottom. After harassing him for 5 years he didn't want to give him any ammunition to return all the barbs and cruel words. He swallowed heavily to try and still his pounding heart.

"Ready? Think of a happy memory."

Draco's mind went to the moment Hermione had hugged him and when Snape had kissed him on the head.

Lupin released the boggart who immediately turned into Lucius smiling coldly and waving his cane.

Draco shivered, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He concentrated hard on Snape's words of last night and the feel of Hermione in his arms. He opened his eyes again as a wave of warmth washed over him. He yelled "Expectro Patronum".

A silvery blob came out of his wand as it traveled forwards it took shape into a crystalline raven who stretched out his wings. It headed straight at Lucius. Lupin stepped in and banished the boggart. The raven dissipated.

Draco stood stunned in disbelief. He couldn't believe he had done it.

"Draco that was wonderful, what a beautiful raven." Hermione congratulated him with a big smile.

"Yes Draco, that was indeed well done. You must be sure to tell Professor Snape about the form your patronus took."

He nodded relief mingling with disappointment. He had hoped his patronus would be something big and impressive like a dragon.

The rest of the class passed in a blur. Neville still had trouble forming a patronus and confused the lesson with banishing a boggart which resulted in Snape materializing wearing his grandmothers dress and hat again. Hermione did well and her otter frolicked lively. Ron's bull charged wildly and he was very pleased. Draco found himself jealous and grew very quiet.

* * *

Harry woke up still feeling tired but his head felt a lot better. His fever was gone but he was still tired. He convinced Madam Pomfrey to let him go but he had to promise to get lots of rest. He got dressed in the hospital wing, headed to the Gryffindor dorm, grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the bath. Afterwards he changed into newer clothes and headed to the great hall.

"Potter what are you doing out of the hospital wing? "

Harry stopped and turned to look at Snape. "I'm feeling better."

"I'm glad to hear that. Do you feel up to a private apparating lesson?"

Harry's heart skipped a beat when he remembered how badly the last one went. "I guess so but can I get something to eat first?"

Snape nodded, his dark eyes regarding him intently.

Harry felt uncomfortable under Snape's gaze. What if he splinched himself again. Snape would be furious. They arranged a time after the time for magical creatures class.

He met up in the great hall with everyone and was immediately surrounded by his concerned friends.

"Hey mate, feeling ok?" Ron asked quietly.

He nodded. "Thanks."

Ginny's dark eyes looked concerned and she smiled softly at him from across the table. Her concern lifted his heart and he found himself digging hungrily into his food. Draco watched from the Slytherin table, and noted that Hermione sat beside Harry like she usually did. He found himself feeling jealous for the second time that day.

* * *

Gryffindors and Slytherins had a shared "Care for Magical Creatures Class" after lunch. Hagrid had promised he had an interesting creature that would impress them all. Draco hated the class, he didn't consider Hagrid to be a good teacher and after the Hippogriff incident he was always worried about getting mangled again.

The class gathered near Hagrid's hut, he came out with a huge smile on his face and on a leash was a huge black cat with long gleaming fangs. It let out a loud snarl and pulled back its lips to reveal even more dangerous sharp teeth. The class let out a collective gasp and backed away.

"Its awl right, ye don' need ta be scared. He's just a big pussycat." Hagrid explained. "His name's Boris and he's a sabertooth exanther. He's really just a kitten still, only 10 months old, he is. Can any of ye tell me what's so special about exanthers?"

Hermione's hand shot up.

Hagrid smiled broadly. "'Ermione?"

"Xanthers have the ability to turn invisible when hunting their prey making them almost invincible. They were almost hunted to extinction when their coats became fashionable but protests by good wizards ended that practice and their numbers are slowing recovering again."

"Very good! 10 points to Gryffindor. Now does anyone want to come and pet him?" Hagrid asked with a hopeful note in his voice.

Draco stood back along with the rest of the Slytherins, his arms were crossed. There was no way he wanted to go anywhere near one of Hagrid's creatures.

Harry came forward and stood in front of the large cat. "Er, should I just pat him?"

"Kneel down in front of him and look 'im in the eye then rub 'is chin."

Harry looked doubtful but gingerly went down on his knees in front of Boris. "Er Hallo Boris." The cat's green-eyed gaze studied him with curiosity and he licked his fangs. This unnerved Harry slightly but he took a deep breath and reached to rub the furry chin. The cat stretched out his throat and closed his eyes languidly. Then an incredibly loud throaty purr reverted around the clearing. He smiled feeling the vibrations coming from the cat's throat.

"'e likes ya 'arry!"

When Harry stopped petting him the rest of the Gryffindors and some Slytherins gathered around and took turns rubbing his chin. Draco was not one of them; it would have been too awkward to try to bend down with his crutches.

During the rest of the class they learned what xanthers like to eat, where they live, sleep and mate. When class ended, Draco headed to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey would check out his knee again and determined if it was now healed enough to not require crutches anymore.

* * *

Harry went to meet Snape in the great hall for his apparating lesson. It was locked off to anyone else so they wouldn't be interrupted. Snape observed him thoughtfully. "Are you worried you'll splinch yourself again?"

"I hope not." He looked at Snape remembering his words from last night. "Er last night." He stopped.

Snape froze, Potter was going to ask him about his comment last night.

"What about last night?"

"You called me son? It felt rather weird. I mean not bad but…"

Snape sighed. "I was thinking of your mother and how proud she would have been of you and somehow the word slipped out."

"Oh I see I just thought that maybe…" Harry's voice had grown quiet and uncertain.

Snape wasn't sure how to respond. Did Harry want him to think of him as a son? Or was he annoyed. He never was good at discussing his feelings. Snape decided to try to explain. "Sometimes because I cared about your mother so much and now that I've grown to know you better." He paused for a moment struggling for words.

"And now that you don't hate me so much anymore." Harry interjected.

"I don't hate you at all, you know that. Even though I'm not officially your guardian I feel like I should be."

Harry grew quiet, he lowered his head in thought, his black hair falling forward, his lashes black against his pale cheeks.

"Harry? Does it bother you?"

The black head shook indicating 'no'. "I miss Sirius so much and it's not the same of course but I like knowing that you're here." He lifted his head and gave a small smile.

Snape gave a quick awkward smile, clearly uncomfortable talking about feelings. "Ok let's work on apparating."

Harry nodded and stood up.

"I want you to focus on the area beside the Slytherin table. Close your eyes, hold out your wand, see the area in your mind, think destina."

Harry closed his eyes and listened to Snape's deep voice. He took a deep breath willing himself to relax. He focused on the area Snape had instructed, he didn't deviate from it this time he followed Snape's instructions exactly as he spoke them. Suddenly he felt a cold breeze on his face and his body felt like a feather then landed with a jolt. He opened his eyes and found himself beside the table. He sighed with immense relief. He had done it.

"Congratulations Mr. Potter, I knew you could do it." Snape congratulated him, his dark eyes warm.

"Thanks for helping me." Harry felt better than he had in days. All the uncertainty and the bad dreams faded away. He had apparated and he felt on top of the world.

Harry headed to Transfiguration class and met up with Ron and Hermione. He shared the news with them. Later at dinner his appetite came back and that night he slept in the Gryffindor ward uninterrupted by bad dreams.

* * *

Just after midnight, Snape was jerked out of an exhaustive sleep by the sound of Draco thrashing around in his bed. When he heard anguished whimpers and hitched breathing he realized he must be having another nightmare. He hurried over and lit the candle on his nightstand.

The teen sprawled on his stomach, his silvery hair illuminated by the candlelight.

"Draco?" Snape spoke softly lightly touching his shoulder. "It's just a bad dream, come on wake up." Draco awoke with a start, flipping over into a sitting position; his eyes looked startlingly silver in the light. He anxiously scanned the room.

"It's ok, you're here with me, safe at Hogwarts, you're all right."

When Draco's eyes met his own, he realized there were tear tracks down his pale cheeks, although now his eyes were dry. "What was it about?"

Draco took a deep shaky breath, his body starting to relax a little. "I can't remember." He remembered exactly every little detail but he didn't want to tell Snape that he had had yet another dream of one of his father's punishments. Especially since this one was likely triggered by the occlumency lesson. Snape might decide to put the lessons on hold while he wanted nothing more than to learn it. He realized suddenly that his face was wet and he hastily brought up his sleeve.

After hearing of Dumbledore's punishment after being caught, he had experience the longest caning he had ever receive. He was sure his father hadn't stopped until his arm went numb. He visibly shivered at the memory of the amount of pain he had been in.

Snape's hand reassuringly stroked back his tousled hair.

"Was it the Dementors or one of Lucius' punishments?"

Draco's head snapped up. "I told you I can't remember!"

"I know what you said but I don't believe you." Snape curtly stated.

"That's your problem!" He snapped louder than he meant to, he went to turn away but Snape's hand grabbed his upper arm in a vise like grip.

"Do I need to perform Legilimens on you to find out the truth?"

He shook in anger "You wouldn't!" He shouted in disbelief. His anger building as he felt more and more trapped.

Snape's dark eyes bore into his own. He tried to pull out of Snape's grasp but his grip only tightened.

"Let me go!" he shouted at him in frustration.

"Tell me about the nightmare."

Draco's breathing became harsh as he fought to get out of his grip. His eyes welled up; he was exhausted, felt trapped and powerless.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked his voice cracking under the strain.

"Because these nightmares are wreaking havoc with our life and I want to help you deal with them but I can't help if you won't be honest."

His free hand came up to cover his face.

Snape released his hold seeing how upset his ward had become.

"Tell me please." He coaxed gently.

Draco took a few halting breaths, then gave in "When my father found out about the Dementors stunt he was furious I had gotten caught and been punished by McGonagall and especially Dumbledore." He paused, his eyes glistening angrily. "He caned me. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Snape's eyes closed for a moment feeling queasy. "How many?"

Draco didn't respond for a moment, feeling the nausea rise up in him as he remembered the furious beating. "Twenty two."

Snape expelled a long breath. "Did you have any potion?"

He shook his head. "It was over Easter I used up what you'd given me at Christmas." He glanced at Snape. "It was the only time he hit me then."

Snape's eyes were full of rage "The only time? You were only there 4 days! You must have been barely able to move after that. Why didn't you come to me!" Snape shouted angrily wanting nothing more at that point than to squeeze every last breath out of Lucius.

Draco shrank back from his anger, like a cowed dog. "I didn't want to bother you. You were mad all the time because Lupin was there."

Snape sighed quickly calming down. He softened his voice. "I thought I' made myself clear that my door was always open to you."

The blond teen stared at the foot of the bed looking worn and defeated.

Snape continued. "Never mind, that was a long time ago. I'm going to brew you a cup of tea that will make you drowsy and help you to sleep."

He nodded slightly still focused on the footrest.

When he came back Draco was lying back on the pillows.

He put the tea down on the nightstand next to him and poured him a cup. His ward wearily sat up, took the cup and sipped at the hot tea.

Snape cleared his throat awkwardly. "You know how Potter's patronus is a stag?"

Draco nodded feeling apprehensive. Was Snape going to say he was disappointed that his was a raven? He hadn't told him yet but maybe Lupin did."

"His patronus took on the form of his father's animagus shape. His protector. When I started working for the headmaster, he thought it best if I could become animagus. He spent long hours with me training me to see if I had any natural ability to become one. Thankfully I did so eventually after many months I became an animagus, unregistered of course." He paused; Draco was focused on him albeit looking confused.

"Draco I want you to know that my animagus form is a raven."

His eyes widened but then a soft smile formed on his face. Suddenly a raven was the best creature in the entire world.

He cleared his throat. "I'm glad then that my patronus is a raven." He grew quiet for a moment. "Can you teach me how to become animagus?"

Snape rolled his eyes. "No and don't even think about it. I want you to sleep now."

Draco reluctantly nodded as he tried to suppress a yawn. "Goodnight." He sleepily rolled over closing his eyes.

Snape pulled the blanket over him, his heart feeling warm.

* * *

_**Merry Christmas,, Frohes Weihnachten, Joyeux Noel, Feliz Navidad, Happy Holidays to All!**_


	13. crucio

**A/N:** _So sorry for the lateness of this chapter and the shortness of it. My Internet browser got hijacked by spyware (my spyware catcher didn't catch it) on Christmas Eve day, so it's taken awhile to get it back here at home. Special THANKS to DROXY without whose help I would still be internet-less._

_In addition to browser problems I was also missing my muse, who seemed content to be languishing in front of the fireplace with a big grin and a big mug of Irish coffee. I think it's back now. I placed a big mug of Irish coffee on my computer desk so that seems to have lured it back alas in the end I ended up having to drink it before it got cold._

_THANK YOU to all whom reviewed my Christmas one-shots glad to hear you enjoyed them I finally got to read them after new years when I was back at work._

_Happy New Year to all!_

**_Big Thanks to Staporize for beta'ing this for me!_**

_Warning, things are going to start getting angstier at this point as we head closer to the 'bad' things that will happen to Harry and Draco._

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 13 – Crucio**

Harry awoke the next morning feeling very pleased with himself. He had apparated, he was feeling much better, and he had Quidditch practice today to look forward to.

"You okay, mate?" Ron asked then yawned loudly.

"Great!" he replied as he got out of bed.

"No more of those bad head pains?"

"No." Harry didn't even want to think about those let alone talk about them.

Later as they were down at breakfast, the mail came and Harry was surprised to receive a letter. He opened it to find a message that sounded like it came from Snape. "_Defense of the Dark Arts lesson at 4:00 in Hagrid's Hut. Round up the others. Do not be late_." He glanced to the Professors table and Snape briefly nodded at him. He gave a small nod in return.

He whispered the information to Ron and Hermione. Hermione then quietly told Neville as Ron told Ginny. They knew Ginny would later tell Luna and Harry knew that Snape would have already told Draco. He looked in the direction of the blond Slytherin to discover him watching them, his gaze expressionless. He had heard from Ron yesterday that Draco was able to conjure up a patronus and that it was a raven. He wanted to congratulate him, knowing what a rough time he had had previously trying to do it.

After breakfast they went to Divination. Professor Trelawney gave Tarot card readings, and, as usual, Harry ended up with a bad card - the tower card which implied destruction, catastrophe and illness. After over three years of dire predictions from that crazy bat, he found they didn't bother him so much anymore. The only thing he had learned to heed was if the professor had a true prediction, and she hadn't done that since his 3rd year when she predicted Pettigrew's return to Voldemort. Harry and Ron made it through class but whispered to each other about the upcoming Quidditch practice throughout.

Their next class was Advanced Transfigurations with the Slytherins.

"Today you will learn how to transform a quill into a footstool," Professor McGonagall stated. "Observe."

She waved her wand and clearly said, "_Attooll_."

The quill immediately turned into a wooden footstool.

Draco sat up straighter on the bench. Ever since both the headmaster and Snape had transformed sofas into beds for him, he had wanted to learn how to do it.

"Give it try, Mr. Finnigan," Professor McGonagall ordered.

Seamus waved his wand and said, "A_ttooll_." The quill quivered and turned into an odd looking footstool. McGonagall frowned and slowly slid the footstool across the desk, leaving a trail of ink. "I'm afraid you're going to need to practice some more."

She surveyed the classroom. "What are you all waiting for? Give it a try."

Hermione immediately transfigured her quill into a lovely wooden footstool. Harry's transformed, but one leg seemed to be shorter than the other. Ron's footstool was covered in ink. Neville's quill sprouted legs that stuck out at odd angles. Draco's footstool only had 2-inch high legs.

By the end of class, everyone other than Hermione left frustrated.

After teaching a 2nd year potions class, Snape decided to visit the Defense Against the Dark arts classroom to talk to Tonks about the lesson they would be teaching that afternoon. He took a deep breath, straightened his robe, and cleared his throat before entering. Much to his disappointment, Lupin was in the classroom.

He turned. "Severus?"

"I was looking for Tonks to …" He paused for a moment. "…to go over today's lesson."

"I'm afraid Tonks caught Harry's cold. She decided to take a hot bath to see if she would feel better so she could help you with teaching today," Lupin stated as he rifled through some papers.

A group of 4th years started to file in around Snape as he nodded and quickly exited. Taking another deep breath he headed towards Tonks' room. His stomach flipped as he got closer; hesitantly he knocked on her door.

She opened it. She was wearing a bright orange bathrobe which clashed violently with her purple hair. "Wotcher, Severus. What a nice surprise," she commented, her voice raspy.

He stood nervously at the door. "Remus told me you weren't feeling well. Could I get you a Pepper-up Potion from Poppy?"

"I already have one. I was hoping to feel well enough to come to class, but I'm sorry, I just don't feel well."

"Is there anything I can get for you?" Snape asked.

She smiled and her dark eyes lit up. "A cure?"

"You know there isn't one."

"Come on, you're a potions genius, you can invent one." She grinned then sneezed loudly.

He felt warm inside at her reference to him being a genius. He handed her a handkerchief as she sneezed again. She blew her nose into it then attempted to hand it back.

He looked at it startled as she burst out laughing. "Oh sorry. Guess you don't want a snot-soaked handkerchief back in your pocket."

A small grin worked its way out on the potion master's face. His sallow complexion turned a slight shade of pink. "I hope you feel better."

"I'm going to take a nice, hot, tangerine-scented bubble bath. I'm sure that will perk me right up."

He nodded as he left. When he walked down the hallway, he found his heart racing at the thought of Tonks enveloped in bubbles. He shook his head, trying to force the image out of his thoughts.

As soon as McGonagall's class ended, Harry and Ron both bolted out. It was a wet day, but the temperatures were mild. They practiced for hours and were totally soaked. After taking baths and changing clothes, they collapsed in front of the fireplace in their common room. Ginny came in after her bath and joined them. "Who'd have thought that Seamus here would make such a decent chaser?" she teased.

Seamus blushed slightly and sat up a little straighter on the sofa. Harry studied Seamus, wondering if Ginny fancied him and found himself feeling a stab of jealousy at the thought. He looked towards Ginny. Her cheeks were all flushed from practice and the damp air had made her long hair curl into loose, unruly red ringlets - she'd never looked more attractive. After some idle chatter, they made their way down to the secret classroom to study with Snape. Today both classes were combined, so there were seven students: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, Neville, and Draco.

Snape was standing there looking impatient as they entered. "I want you to divide into partners quickly. I will work with the one who doesn't have a partner."

The students quickly teamed up: Hermione and Ron, Ginny and Luna, Harry and Draco. Poor Neville was in a state of panic, realizing he had to work with his most feared professor.

"Professor Snape, where is Tonks?" Hermione asked. She liked the purple-haired witch.

"She has apparently caught Mr. Potter's cold and won't be joining us today."

The class groaned, making Snape glare at them all.

"The lesson for today is the spell 'Arresto Momentum'. You will recall no doubt three years ago when the presence of the Dementors resulted in Mr. Potter falling off his broom and plummeting to earth?"

Harry groaned inwardly and felt his face growing hot. He hated being reminded of that time when he had felt so weak and powerless.

Snape continued, "The headmaster used this spell to slow him down and save his life." He paused and glared at each of them in turn. He then continued, "The headmaster and I thought it imperative to learn this in case of any accidents while flying. On the table in front of each of you there is a pumpkin. One of you will levitate it to the rafters, then drop it. Your partner will perform the spell to slow it down. Concentrate. If the pumpkin is smashed, you will be responsible for cleaning it up."

Neville trembled. He was sure his pumpkin would smash when it became his turn.

"Once the pumpkin has been levitated, raise your wand and be prepared to say '_Arresto Momentum.'_ Have I made myself clear?"

They all nodded or responded affirmatively.

"Congratulations, I heard you conjured up a spectacular patronus," Harry whispered to Draco.

He smirked. "Yes. It's a raven, just like Snape's animagus form."

Harry's eyes widened. "I didn't know Snape was an animagus?"

"There's a lot you don't know Potter," Draco drawled.

The dark-haired wizard just shook his head in exasperation. Sometimes Draco was the same old arrogant prat that he'd always been.

Meanwhile Ron had levitated the pumpkin and Hermione eagerly stood with wand drawn ready to do the spell. She succeeded on the first try. Ginny was also able to slow down her pumpkin, although it hit the table with a loud thud. Neville predictably uttered the spell too late and his pumpkin went _splat_ all over the table, with orange mush attaching to Snape's robes. Snape angrily muttered about what an idiot boy he was as he handed him a bucket and cloth and attempted to brush orange goo off of himself.

Draco levitated the pumpkin up but released it before it got to the rafters. He shouted, "Now, Potter!"

Harry hadn't been ready yet, as he was waiting for the pumpkin to get to the required level. He quickly waved his wand and uttered "_Arresto Momentum,_" but the pumpkin didn't slow down enough and broke into two sections before he finished getting the words out.

Draco stood back with a slight sneer on his face. "Too bad, Potter. Now stand back while an expert does it."

Harry's patience snapped. "You cheated and didn't levitate it properly!"

Hearing the commotion, Snape strode over to them. "Potter, just clean up the mess and do it again."

"Yes, Potter. Clean up your mess and don't blame your screw ups on me," Draco drawled.

Something inside of Harry snapped as his anger built. He didn't know what happened or how it happened, but suddenly the excruciating pain built up in his head and then, in an instant, it was gone and he felt weak and was trembling.

Draco Malfoy let out scream and fell to the ground curled up and feeling as if his very bones were melting. He'd felt like this once before - when his father had punished him with the Cruciatus Curse - but this time the pain was even worse than he remembered it. He whimpered, gripped in the throes of extreme agony.

Snape sprang into action and quickly ended the spell. Shaken, he turned to look at Harry, who stood wavering on his feet and staring with horror at Draco. He then looked up to find everyone's eyes on him, reflecting that same horror. His chest felt tight and he was shaking all over. He had just performed an Unforgivable. He opened his mouth to try and apologize, but no words came out. The only sound in the room was Draco's harsh breaths and occasional soft whimpers. He looked down at him again and the pain-filled gray eyes turned up to look at him. Harry did as his instinct told him – he fled the room.

"Ms. Granger, please attend to Mr. Malfoy and get him into a hot bath." With one quick glance at Draco, he too ran out of the room, presumably after Harry.

Draco lay on the floor in shock. His body was still twitching from the after effects of the curse. He couldn't help but think back to the time his father had cursed him with it. His father, who was on the dark side, and now the same curse from Harry Potter, who was supposed to be the savior of the light. He didn't know what to think anymore. He knew by the expression on Potter's face that he hadn't done it on purpose, that somehow it was an accident, but how could a wizard his age even pull off a curse of such magnitude that it outdid the one his father delivered? Hermione and Ron both helped him sit up.

"He didn't do it on purpose Malfoy," Ron tried to explain.

"It was an accident and I know Harry is as shocked as we are by what just happened."

"I know," Draco whispered.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other in astonishment. They had both expected him to throw a tantrum and be furious. Yet he sat there looking subdued, his eyes wide and slightly vacant.

"He's in shock," Hermione surmised quietly to Ron. "Come on Draco, let's get you out of here."

With Ron's help she got him to his feet.

"Now what?" asked Ron. "Snape said to get him into a hot bath, but we can't very well take him into the Slytherin wing, or for that matter the Gryffindor one. I can't be seen helping him in the prefect's bath. We could take him to Snape's rooms…"

Hermione interrupted, "No, Snape might be taking Harry there. Let's see if we can take him to the Room of Requirement. Ron, can you run and get the invisibility cloak? We'll be able to sneak him there between us."

Ron got up and ran out of the room as Draco sank back to the floor. The others gathered around. "What's going to happen to Harry?" Naville asked worriedly.

Ginny had turned ashen. "They wouldn't expel him, would they?"

"Or send him to Azkaban?" Neville asked with a catch in his throat.

"No, of course not," Luna said dreamily. "He's a hero."

Hermione snorted. "We don't know for sure what's going to happen, but I do think Snape will keep this quiet, so you all can't say a word about this! Understand?" she shouted at them.

They all agreed, but Hermione wasn't so sure. "Neville, if word of this gets out, I'm blaming you, so you better keep quiet."

Neville's eyes grew big. "Of course I will, Hermione. I care about Harry."

"Good." She looked back at Draco, who still sat in a dazed heap. "Are you feeling any better?" she asked him gently.

His gaze momentarily focused on her as he nodded and tried to stand. She and Ginny got him to his feet; he still trembled slightly.

Ron returned and immediately threw the cloak over Draco's head. Everyone gasped, having never seen it in use before.

They hurried to the Room of Requirement and, like the last time Hermione had been there with Draco, a bubble bath wafted from the adjoining room. She expected a wise crack from the blond Slytherin, but he stayed silent. Ron helped him into the bathroom, but Draco insisted on undressing himself.

They sat on the sofa waiting for Draco to finish his bath.

"Should we go to Dumbledore? Maybe he can protect Harry," Ron suggested.

Hermione's eyes welled up. "He preformed an Unforgivable. Even if he and Snape keep quiet, how can they, or anyone, know if it won't happen again. This is bad Ron, really bad."

"Can we trust Malfoy to keep his mouth shut?"

Hermione glared at him. "Of course. He might get mad and be jealous of Harry at times, but he's not stupid. Unless he wants to end up in Lucius' – or worse, Voldemort's – hands, he knows Harry is his only chance of having the light side win."

"He's acting a bit…strange, don't you think? I expected him to fly into a rage."

Hermione frowned. "I know, it was rather odd. I hope he's okay."

"Do you suppose it reminded him of when Lucius cursed him? Remember on New Years Eve, that nightmare he had? Maybe the memory of it made him a bit mental."

Hermione nodded. "I think he's in shock. I mean, I'm sure he never expected Harry, of all people, to be the one who cursed him next after Lucius. It must be rather disturbing for him."

Draco lay in the hot water. His heart was still racing painfully and he felt slightly dizzy. Potter had performed the Cruciatus Curse on him; it seemed unreal. Yet it had hurt worse than any pain he had ever experienced before. He slowly got up and dried himself off. He changed back into his clothes and slowly forced himself to head out to where he knew Ron and Hermione were.

Hermione immediately jumped up and ran over to him, putting her arm around his waist so he could lean on her. "I'm fine, really. I don't need help."

She ignored him and led him over to the black fuzzy sofa. It seemed to invite him to lie down on it, which he did. Hermione threw a warm, thick blanket over him.

"Maybe we should take him to Madam Pomfrey?" Ron suggested.

"_No_!" Hermione whispered fiercely. "We can't. She'd know he had the Cruciatus Curse performed on him."

"Oh, right." Ron nodded. "I still don't get how Harry could have done it without a wand and without uttering a single word."

Draco spoke up, "He can speak parseltongue. Maybe Potter knows a lot more about the Dark Arts than we give him credit for."

Hermione turned on him suspiciously. "What are you insinuating?"

The blond shrugged. "I'm just saying that he's way ahead of most wizards, dark wizards that is, for his age."

Silence engulfed the room.

Snape ran after Harry who, in a blind panic, had no escape plan. He headed straight out the door and for Hagrid's hut, although he didn't know what he would do once he got there. Suddenly a stunning spell hit him and he fell face first into the damp grass. The spell was lifted a moment later as Snape reached down and lifted him to his feet.

He looked into the dark, fathomless eyes and attempted to explain: "I didn't do it, not on purpose. I wasn't even thinking it. I don't know what happened. One second that horrible pain shot through my scar and eyes again and then suddenly the pain was gone and Draco was on the ground. I didn't mean to do it!"

"Listen to me!" Snape growled, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him once. "I never once believed that you had done it on purpose, but Potter, this is very serious and we need to immediately go to the Headmaster's office.'

"No!" Harry tried to tear out of Snape's grasp but he only tightened it more.

He realized the young wizard was on the verge of being hysterical. "Calm down," he whispered into his hair. "Professor Dumbledore needs to know about this. It's possible that the Dark Lord is somehow controlling you."

The green eyes looked up at him with extreme anguish. "No, please no," he begged softly. He didn't want anyone to know what had happened, he didn't want to know what Dumbledore thought, and most of all he didn't want confirmed what he somehow suspected – Voldemort was making him perform the Dark Arts and thereby recruiting him.

**Next Chapter:**_ Dumbledore's office_


	14. To be left out inthe dark

**A/N:** Thanks to all reviewers and t_hanks to all who told me what your animagus form would be. Mine would be either a swallow or a dove. I would love to be able to soar on those soft summer breezes or sit on a Hogwarts windowsill to overhear conversations. The other part of me would choose one of my most favourite animals, tiger or black panther._

_Thanks to all reviewers, you inspire me to update faster._

_I have a question at the end of the chapter, a little survey if you please, so please include your choice when you review. _

Hope you all enjoy. I'm kind of proud of this one.

_Special thanks to my beta, Staporize, whose enthusiasm and speed is inspiring! _

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 14 – To be left out in the dark  
**

"Have you had any strange dreams lately?" he probed again. He could tell by the increasing stiffness in Potter's shoulders that he was getting angrier. He didn't take his eyes off of him in case he turned suddenly and he needed to dodge a curse.

"NO! Sod off Snape!" came Harry's voice. It was loud, but it wavered.

Snape continued on in silence, not wanting to upset him more than he already was. When he caught up to him before the headmaster's office, he gently laid his hand on the teen's shoulder.

"Don't!" Harry snapped as he pulled away. His voice was tight with worry and his breathing was becoming laboured.

"Curly whirlies," Snape spoke quietly as the door to the spiral staircase opened.

Harry stepped inside, his heart racing uncomfortably. What if Dumbledore decided he was too much of a danger to others? What if he sent him back to the Dursley's or Grimmauld Place? His breathing became more rapid as his stomach twisted.

"Take some deep breaths, Potter, and get a grip! It will be all right," Snape reassured him impatiently, suppressing his own worries.

Harry stayed silent; he felt sick.

As they got to the top of the staircase, Harry stepped out. His head hung down and he refused to look up, refused to have his worst fears confirmed.

"Harry? Severus? What's happened?" Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk. He stood up when they both entered.

Snape described the events of the lesson. "Potter did not do this on purpose and he had no control over it."

Worry clouded Dumbledore's usual twinkling blue eyes. He walked over to Harry. "How are you feeling now? Is there any pain?"

He shook his head.

"Look at me, Harry," he demanded quietly.

The angry green eyes looked up. "Why? What does it matter? You can't do anything! You can't help me!"

"Perhaps I can, perhaps I can't, but we won't know until we try, correct?"

Harry turned and stormed away from the headmaster.

"Potter!" Snape growled.

"It's all right, Severus. Before we continue I need for you to find Draco and bring him here. I suspect that he, too, is in a precarious state of mind right now."

"Aren't you afraid I'll curse him again?" Harry shouted at both of them.

Snape's impatience rose a notch. Before he could say anything, though, Dumbledore interrupted. "Go Severus. I'll talk to Harry." His gaze lit on the young wizard again. "And Severus, please bring back two vials of calming potion."

With a worried look on his face, Snape glanced at Harry one more time before he left the room.

Dumbledore walked over to stand in front of Harry. When the boy looked up, Dumbledore quietly said "_Legilimens_".

Harry's eyes went wide and he concentrated against the force trying to invade his mind. With a loud groan, he forced Dumbledore out of his mind. He doubled over, his breathing harsh, feeling like he was going to be sick.

"Well done, Harry. I had to do that just to make sure. Come and sit down and have a cup of tea."

He felt hot and sweaty. He let the headmaster lead him over to a chair and numbly took the cup of proffered tea. His hands were still shaking slightly.

"How did you feel just before it happened?"

He took a deep breath and looked at the headmaster warily. "Fine. Malfoy was being a stupid prat and, I don't know, it just happened."

"Were you angry?"

He nodded.

"Did you think about the Cruciatus Curse at all?"

"No."

The headmaster didn't ask anymore questions, preferring to let Harry calm down and drink some tea in the silence of the room.

Snape ran into Ms. Weasley and, after repeatedly reassuring her that Potter would not be expelled, sent to Azkaban or mistreated in any way, he finally found out where Draco was. When he entered the Room of Requirement, he found his ward resting on the sofa. Granger and Weasley were there together with him.

"How's Harry?" Hermione immediately jumped up. "What's going to happen to him?" Ron all but yelled at him.

"He's fine, he's with Professor Dumbledore. Draco, are you all right?"

"Just great," Draco sneered.

Snape frowned at him. "Come with me. We're going to see the headmaster."

Alarm flashed in his eyes. "I'll pass."

"It is not an option," Snape growled.

Startled for a moment, Draco slowly got up with an apprehensive look on his face.

"Professor Snape, Harry's not going to get expelled is he? He won't get sent to Azkaban?" came the choked voice of Miss Granger.

He turned to look at her; she had tears shimmering in her eyes. "No, he won't be sent to Azkaban, Ms. Granger, and he won't be expelled, but we will need to do something to ensure that such an event does not happen again."

"What?" Ron asked, worry evident in his blue eyes.

"We don't know yet."

Snape grabbed Draco and steered him out of the room.

Wordlessly they walked to Dumbledore's office. Snape glanced at him and noted how pale and drawn he looked. He realized the headmaster was right – Draco was badly shaken

When they arrived back at the headmaster's office, it was to find Harry sitting subdued in one of the chairs by the desk.

Snape handed the potions to Dumbledore.

Harry looked at Draco who stood beside Snape looking nervous. He cleared his throat. "Er, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you, I swear."

The Slytherin nodded slightly but looked like he was going to be sick. He couldn't stop shaking. Was Dumbledore going to blame him for provoking the Golden Boy? He flinched when a hand suddenly came down on his shoulder. "How are you feeling?" He looked up into the headmaster's worried expression. Tightness grew in his chest and he had to take a shaky breath. "Fine."

Dumbledore squeezed his shoulder. "Come, sit down have a cup of tea," he suggested kindly.

As if in a trance the blond did as he was told.

"Draco, could you please tell me from your view exactly what happened?"

"Potter apparently unintentionally cursed me with an Unforgivable."

"How did it happen? I'd like a step by step recount of the event. More details please, Draco."

He hesitantly looked up, connecting with Harry's gaze. A flow of anger surged through him and he sprang to his feet. "Why! So Potter can get angry all over again and curse me in front of you? This, this…" he said with a note of hysteria growing in his voice as he waved his arms around Dumbledore's office. "Isn't any better. I used to get cursed by my father; now I get cursed by Potter, the savior of the light! What's the point to any of this if the result is the same? I didn't mean to make him angry, but he's always disappointed in me. I can't do anything to please him, I…" Draco started to hyperventilate.

Snape started to go over to him, but Dumbledore held him back when Harry got up. The green-eyed wizard transfigured a sheet of parchment into a paper bag. He hurried over to Draco and handed him the bag. "Breathe into this slowly, just like last time."

The teen grabbed it and did as Harry said.

Dumbledore patted Snape on the back and quietly murmured, "And that is why the light side will win."

Snape watched in amazement as Potter patted Draco on the back and spoke to him soothingly as the blond obediently breathed into the bag. When he got his breathing under control again, he sat back wearily and looked at Potter.

Harry felt awful knowing that Draco was, in his mind, blurring the two curses he had experienced. All of his feelings for his father and his decision to turn to the light were merging in the Slytherin's mind. "I'm really sorry."

"How did you do it?" He asked, his voice choked.

"I don't know," came Harry's anguished answer.

"I've spent all my life on the dark side of magic and I can't even do an Unforgivable, despite my father's many attempts to make me practice on house elves...and, and you just hurl one off without even saying the words or using your wand. And you're supposed to be on the good side, the Golden Boy, the savior..." Draco's rant made his voice breathless and he sounded panicked again.

Dumbledore grabbed the vial and knelt down beside him. "Shhhh, calm down now and take a sip of this." Draco took it with a shaking hand and gulped down a mouthful. He then sat there with his head in his hands. Dumbledore reassuringly put his hand on the blond head.

"Harry may have performed a dark curse, but the difference, Draco, is that he did not mean to. He never meant to hurt anyone. Someone or something has caused this and I'm guessing it has to do with the pain in his head and eyes that he experiences on occasion."

Draco took a few more deep breaths.

"Do you think you can calmly now tell me what you saw and what you experienced?" the headmaster asked gently.

He took a ragged breath. "It happened so fast. I guess I said something that enraged him." He glanced cautiously at Harry. "And then, for a split second, there was this weird green light in his eyes and next thing I knew I got hit with the Cruciatus Curse."

Dumbledore looked at Severus, who had knelt down beside Harry. "Did you notice the green light?"

The potions master shook his head and then, focusing on Draco, asked, "Compared to when Lucius cursed you, was the pain the same, less, or worse?"

Draco glanced at Harry again before whispering, "Worse."

Dumbledore frowned. "Harry, did you experience any of the same pain in your eyes or scar that you have before?"

He thought back for a moment. "Yes, that horrible pain that feels like my head is about to split into two was there for a moment but then it disappeared and I felt … drained, I guess."

Harry then looked at Dumbledore. He took a deep breath, his eyes anguished. "Is Voldemort possessing me?"

"I don't believe he is," Dumbledore responded.

"But then how could I even do the Cruciatus Curse? I couldn't do it before, when I meant to, so how come I can do it now, when I don't?"

Both Dumbledore and Snape's brows furrowed. "What do you mean you couldn't do it before?" Dumbledore questioned, looking intently at Harry.

Harry's heart jumped into his throat. He had never told anyone that he had attempted to perform the Cruciatus Curse on Bellatrix Lestrange last summer.

"Potter? When did you attempt the Cruciatus Curse?" Snape asked sternly.

Draco's eyes had widened. He would never have guessed that the Golden Boy had attempted a dark curse.

Harry broke out in a cold sweat and he trembled slightly. His throat tight, but he tried to explain, his voice starting out in barely more than a whisper. "Last year, when Bellatrix Lestrange killed Sirius, I tried to curse her. I wanted to hurt her for killing Sirius, I wanted to see her writhing in pain, I wanted her to feel some of the pain that I was feeling. She killed him! She took my godfather's life!" He was yelling by the time he had finished the last sentence. He scrambled to his feet and practically ran over to the windows.

Severus glanced in shock at the headmaster, but Dumbledore's eyes remained fixed on Harry. The old wizard got up and went over to stand behind him. Cautiously he placed his hands on the young wizard's shoulders.

"No one blames you, Harry, for wanting Bellatrix to sample some of the pain she caused. But, my boy, you have to realize that you attempted a dark curse, an Unforgivable curse. When you incapacitated Voldemort all those years ago, you acquired his skill at speaking parseltongue, and I believe when you uttered the words of the Unforgivable last June, you opened a venue for some of his other talents that are dormant within you to come forth. That's how you were able to curse Draco today. Your anger blinded you to what was right. We will need to find a way for you to control this before you cause more harm. I am acquainted with an excellent healer at St. Mungo's who will guarantee confidentially and..."

Harry tore out of his grasp, his eyes wide with horror. "No, you can't do this to me. You can't lock me away in St. Mungo's, I WON"T GO! You have NO RIGHT!"

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore stood up his eyes blazing. "You have just performed an _Unforgivable curse_! That usually means Azkaban! I understand that you are frightened and you are worried, but we are trying to help you and, whether or not you accept it, you _will_ go to St. Mungo's!"

Harry stood near the door trembling visibly. A wave of despair, fear, and frustration washed over him. He was trapped. His legs shook so badly he could barely remain standing. Dumbledore's gaze softened as he walked over to him. He stared piercingly into Harry's eyes. He spoke so quietly that not even Snape or Draco could hear what he said to Harry. "It will be all right; we will find a way to overcome this together. You must realize that, for your own sake and for that of everyone you come into contact with, this must be controlled. What if next time it's the Avada Kedavra curse you unwittingly unleash? What if it happens while you are with Hermione or Ginny or Ron?" He knew that what Dumbledore was saying was true and his heart clenched at the possibility. He released a shaky breath as Dumbledore continued, "I'm going to send for Molly Weasley to take you there." Harry's gaze fell to the floor. "Harry?"

He swallowed heavily. "Fine." For a moment, he was enveloped in the old wizard's robes in a reassuring gesture of support. "I promise you, Harry, this will all work out." He stepped back, releasing him and handing him the vial of calming potion.

He hesitated for a moment but then swallowed it.

"Severus, will you please floo Molly and ask her to come here?"

Snape quickly rose to his feet and headed for the fireplace.

"And Severus, please ask Minerva to come also. I need to talk to you for a few moments, but I think Draco needs to be taken to your rooms to lie down." He looked at the blond who hadn't budged from the floor. "Draco, I'm assuming you'd rather not spend the night in the dorm?"

He looked up, pale and drawn, and gave a tired nod.

"If anyone asks, we'll say you're suffering from a migraine."

He gave a half-hearted smirk. "Wouldn't be a lie."

"You need some rest. You'll feel better in the morning," Dumbledore assured him.

When Molly and Minerva showed up, Dumbledore quietly filled them in on what had happened. While that was going on Snape went over to Harry. "You do understand that the headmaster and I are only trying to find a way to solve this?"

Harry had been staring out the window and continued to do so. He swallowed heavily and nodded. He looked pale and anxious.

"Can I ask why you are so opposed to going to St. Mungo's?" Snape asked directly.

"Because they'll think I'm loony and they'll want to keep me there to study me." Harry turned to look at him, resentment in his gaze.

"Harry?" Dumbledore interrupted. "I've decided that Mrs. Weasley is going to take you to the hospital wing and monitor you for the night. You won't leave for St. Mungo's until the morning. I want you to get a good night's sleep."

He didn't speak as he walked by him; he looked instead into Mrs. Weasley's concerned gaze. "Come, dear. It will be all right. You'll get a good night's sleep and tomorrow we'll find out how to make you better and everything will be all right." She took his arm and patted his hand as they left. Harry refused to look back at anyone in the room.

Draco had gotten up as McGonagall went over to him and patted his shoulder. "Come, Draco."

"Just a moment, Minerva."

"Albus," she said exasperation heavy in her voice. "Look at the boy, he's ready to fall asleep standing."

He nodded at her. "I am well aware of Draco's condition." He turned to the blond. "Draco, I just want to make sure you differentiate what your father did on purpose and out of malice and what Harry did unconsciously. It is not the same thing. You need to understand that."

"I know he didn't do it on purpose, but the result was still much worse than what my father did."

Dumbledore looked at him sternly over his half-moon glasses. "So, because of this one incident am I correct in understanding that you are now equating us with the Death Eaters?"

Draco blanched at the headmasters tone. "No, of course not but…" His strained voice trailed off.

"Sleep on it, Draco," was the old wizard's advice.

"I'll be there shortly," Snape assured him as he and Minerva left.

**Next Chapter:** Harry and the healer, Draco's occlumency lesson


	15. To feel Lost

**A/N:** _WOW Thanks to all reviewers; I adore you, you inspire me to update faster! I had planned to update last weekend, but ended up having to help a friend get over a relationship that went wrong. _

_Big welcome to new reviewers ER Monkey: Burner of cookies and Halia ….. Wow can't believe you read all of Solstice and now have caught up on Solstice II, I'm sending virtual eye drops! BIG THANKS to all new readers and all who reviewed for the first time. Keep them coming, I love them!_

_It looks like Draco, Neville, and Ginny are the top choices for animagi. I'm now going to have to think about which one or two fit best into the plot._

_I have another question at the end of the chapter, so please include your opinion choice when you review. _

Hope you all enjoy.

_Special Thanks to my beta Staporize who edits in record time and with whom I always have inspiring email chats with! _

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 15 – To feel lost**

Draco walked slowly and silently. Minerva knew he was troubled and suppressed the urge to fuss over him. They arrived at Snape's rooms and she went over to the sofa. "Would you like to try and transfigure it?" She hoped it might distract him from his thoughts for a few moments.

He looked up and nodded as he pulled out his wand.

"Concentrate and say _Lectus_."

He rubbed his forehead for a moment, then staring at the sofa and pointing his wand. He clearly said, "_Lectus_."

The sofa trembled slightly but, other than that, nothing happened.

His face fell and he irritably put his wand away. "You should just ask Potter to do it – he seems to have powers that I don't have!"

Understanding dawned on McGonagall. "You are jealous because Mr. Potter can perform the Cruciatus, however inadvertently? Would you like to be able to inflict the kind of pain you experienced on others? Would you find that enjoyable?"

His tortured eyes turned on her. "Just leave me alone!" he shouted.

She sighed and turned towards the sofa. "_Lectus_." The sofa instantly turned into a bed. "Get into your pajamas, Mr. Malfoy."

His face fell when she called him 'Mr. Malfoy' and he turned angrily, grabbing his pajamas and striding into the bathroom.

Minerva sat down on a chair by the fire. After awhile he came out looking drawn, pale, and regretful. He glanced at her guiltily then lay down in the bed. "You don't have to stay with me," he said in a quiet voice.

"You've had a rough day. Try and get some sleep." She noted how he rubbed his eyes. She went into the bathroom and got a cold wet cloth and laid it over his forehead.

"Thank you," he replied hesitantly, then sighed deeply and curled over onto his side facing her.

With a small smile she reached up took the stuffed dragon off the shelf. Wordlessly she laid it on the bed in front of him as she blew out the candle. She settled back in the chair by the fire picking up one of Severus' many books on potions.

Harry walked beside Molly Weasley; she had let go out of his hand and arm as soon as they were in the hallway. He felt numb, his head was swimming, and the hallway seemed blurry.

The last hour had been unreal. He still couldn't quite believe he had somehow cast the Crutiatus Curse on Malfoy. He didn't feel any differently. The thought that he could possibly cast the Avada Kedavra curse on someone turned his stomach and caused a chill to course through him. The thought of one of his friends dead at his feet with that blank and expressionless stare like Cedric had was unbearable.

He didn't know how his feet managed to carry him into the hospital wing. He barely noted Madam Pomfrey rushing over to him.

"It's okay, Poppy. Harry just needs to rest for a bit. The headmaster will explain it to you later. I'm going to stay with him for the night."

Casting a worried look in his direction and a bit of an annoyed one at Molly Weasley, Madam Pomfrey bustled back over to second year student who had accidentally come too close to a sticklettuce plant and was covered in a glue like substance that made the skin feel like rubber.

Molly pulled the curtains around one of the beds to give Harry privacy as he changed into pajamas. When she didn't hear anything for a few moments she asked, "Harry, dear? Are you all done?"

There was no reply. She cautiously opened the curtains to find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands over his face.

She sat down beside him. Lost in thought, he suddenly realized Mrs. Weasley was there when the bed shifted. He sprang up looking at her warily. "I'm fine."

Molly smiled slightly, thinking that if she had a galleon for every time Harry insisted he was fine when he wasn't, the Weasleys would be rich.

He trembled slightly and he had that look on his face that she had seen so many times on her son's faces when they were upset but would rather die than admit it. She respected that and stayed sitting on the bed after successfully fighting the urge to hug him. She decided to talk as if none of this had happened.

"I'm having such a hassle with those sticklettuce plants. You probably noticed poor little Arnold Abbott a minute ago? He'll be fine, of course, but the poor boy is covered in the glue substance. He wasn't paying attention and got a little too close."

While she spoke she reached out and pulled back the blanket on the bed and fluffed up the pillow.

Harry found that his heart had stopped beating so painfully and he actually felt a little better listing to Mrs. Weasley's chatter. He sat down on the bed as she pulled the cover back further so he could swing his legs up on the bed. He did and she draped the blankets over him. "Lie down, dear, and try to sleep a bit. Unless you'd rather talk?"

He didn't know what he wanted. His eyes met hers and he swallowed heavily. "Are you sure you want to come with me tomorrow?" His voice was filled with uncertainty.

She patted his leg. "Of course I do. Harry, I can't tell you how much it bothers me, knowing you grew up with those hateful Muggles. Every child should know love. And even though you are almost of age now…" She hesitated for a moment, trying to think of the right words. "I think of you as one of my own. You are a part of this family and we all care very much about you."

Harry bit his bottom lip at her words, fighting back the swelling lump in the throat. He took a steadying breath; he had to be strong. He murmured a soft "thanks."

Molly's eyes welled up. She didn't want to upset him further, so she got up. "I'm going to get us a bite to eat. I'll be right back." She pulled back the curtain and left.

Harry closed his eyes for a moment, loving the care from Ron's mother and wondering how differently his own life would have turned out if his parents hadn't died.

He slipped down under the covers and lay back on the pillows.

* * *

_Fog was swirling around him, then suddenly a harsh voice snarled in his ear, "Crucio!" Daggers ripped at his bones and fire burned through his veins. He screamed. Then another voice came through the fog shouting, "Crucio." Soon a chorus of voices were harshly chanting, "Crucio," and the pain exploded._

Someone shook him hard and lightly slapped his face. He gasped, sprang up and scrambled backwards until he hit the wall at the other side of the bed.

"_Lumos_! Draco calm down, you were having nightmare, "came McGonagall's worried voice as the darkened room grew bright.

He shivered against the wall, the dream still clouding his mind. She went over to the foot of the bed, closer to him.

"You are in Professor Snape's rooms. You're safe, and he'll be here shortly," she reassured him. She sat down on the edge and tentatively, while murmuring reassurances to him, reached over to him to gently rub his shoulder. He took a deep, shaky breath, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. The voices still echoed in his ears, all too clearly.

"What was it about?"

Hesitatingly Draco told her, and then added, "I feel really sick."

She patted his shoulder. "Take some deep breaths, it will pass." He did as she suggested. She pulled blankets over him to try to quell his shivering, then conjured up a warmth package and handed it to him.

"Why can't my life just be back to normal?" he complained bitterly.

"I'm afraid, Draco, your life was never normal to start with."

He pulled away from her, looking uncomfortable.

"Come now, lie down. Professor Snape will be here shortly."

"What's taking him so long?" Draco questioned.

"I'm sure he and the headmaster have a lot to discuss."

"What's going to happen to Potter? They aren't really going to send him to St. Mungo's are they?" he asked, his pale eyes glittering.

McGonagall's thin lips curved down disapprovingly. "Do you really care what happens to him?"

He threw her an irritated look. "Well, he's the saviour of the wizarding world, isn't he?"

"Yes, and therefore I'm sure the headmaster will ensure he's well protected. Now stop thinking about all this and sleep."

He closed his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't dream anymore.

* * *

"Headmaster, I don't think sending Potter to St. Mungo's is a good idea," said the black haired wizard. 

"Do you have another solution that can tell us what is happening to Harry?" asked Dumbledore, sitting back in his chair.

"No, but he's very disturbed about being sent there and studied. In the condition he is in, I think any additional stress will make this problem worse. We can't protect him such a public place."

"I was planning on sneaking him in under disguise and a false name. I do not believe he would be in danger. However, you may be right about causing him more distress." Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "I could possibly arrange for the healer to come to the chalet."

"I could be there with them," Snape quietly offered.

"Thank you, Severus, but Molly will be there with him and I will also stop by. I think right now it's important for you to spend some time with Draco. He forgave Harry a little too quickly as far as I am concerned, and I think he's keeping his real resentment inside. I believe it was quite a blow for him, seeing Harry excel not only in Quidditch and most regular studies, but also in the Dark Arts. You need to get him to talk about how he is feeling before he attempts something rash."

Snape looked affronted. "He's not suddenly going to start practicing Unforgiveables in an attempt to outshine Potter."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and give him an intent look.

"Absolutely not. He may be upset, but he's not going to risk going to Azkaban," said Snape, his dark eyes angry.

"Injured pride can weigh heavily on the soul, Severus. You should know that more than anyone."

Snape's black eyes glared at the headmaster. He hated being reminded about his past and resented even more the implication that his ward wasn't being truthful.

* * *

When Molly returned with soup and sandwiches, she found Harry in a deep sleep. She smiled softly, realizing that the calming potion must have kicked in. She sat down on the chair by the bed. 

"Mum?" She looked up, startled to find her youngest anxiously peeking around the curtain.

"Is Harry okay? What's going to happen to him?" Ginny whispered.

"You shouldn't be here," she whispered sternly.

Her daughter's brown eyes gazed upon Harry with worried expression. "He's fine, Ginny. Don't worry. The headmaster knows a healer who will try to find out what's wrong." she added more gently. She knew Ginny's childhood crush on Harry had never completely gone away and hovered just beneath the surface.

Ginny took in Harry's appearance. He was pale, lying on his back, his black hair a messy contrast against the white pillow. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

"Go on back to the dorm. I'll be accompanying Harry to St. Mungo's tomorrow. Hopefully we won't be gone for too long."

"The healers at St. Mungo's helped dad when he was injured."

Molly nodded. "I'm sure they'll help Harry also."

Casting one more worried glance at Harry, Ginny whispered, "Goodnight," and left. She wished she was going with Harry instead of her mum.

When Harry awoke the next morning, Dumbledore was sitting by his bedside.

"Good morning, Harry."

He put on his glasses and pushed himself into a sitting position.

"I trust you slept well?" said Dumbledore quietly.

Harry suppressed the sarcastic comment that crept up his throat and just curtly nodded.

"I will make this short since I know Mrs. Weasley will be returning shortly. Professor Snape and I talked last night and he mentioned your concerns about going to St. Mungo's. Although I can guarantee you confidentiality, I do respect that you are under an immense load of stress and I do not wish to add to it. So I will be sending you and Mrs. Weasley to the chalet, the one we spent Christmas in. The healer will meet you there to examine you and hopefully find a way for you to control this." He regarded Harry carefully.

Harry finally looked Dumbledore in the eye. "Thank you." He couldn't voice how incredibly relieved he was not being sent to St. Mungo's. He was amazed that Snape had actually listened to him and had cared enough to tell Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded and lightly touched his shoulder. "I just want to help."

Mrs. Weasley came back in carrying a breakfast plate for Harry. "Eat up, dear, and then we'll go."

He felt queasy. "Thanks, but if we're travelling by portkey I'd rather not eat first."

"That's fine. You can eat once we get there."

"I have some things to take care of, but I'll join you both later," said Dumbledore.

"No, that's not necessary. I'll be fine," Harry protested. It was, in some ways, embarrassing enough that Mrs. Weasley was going with him, but he certainly didn't need two babysitters.

Dumbledore regarded him thoughtfully. "I just want a word with the healer. Do not worry."

Harry looked resentful.

Mrs. Weasley noted his look and quickly sprang in. "Time to go. Grab this pendant with me, Harry."

He did as she requested and felt the tug on his navel and found himself standing in the living room of the rustic chalet. A big fire was roaring and he found himself relaxing as he remembered Christmas.

"Mr. Potter? Harry?" came a welcoming voice with an Irish lilt.

He turned, startled to find a man with strawberry blond hair interlaced with gray sitting by the window.

The man stood up just as Mrs. Weasley dashed forward out of the shadows to greet him. "Dominic, how are you?"

His face split into a big grin, "Molly darlin', how are you? How's Arthur? The children?"

"They're all fine. I was thrilled when the headmaster told me you were the healer. Harry will be in good hands with you."

"I'll try me best to help the lad," he said looking over at Harry.

The teen went over to him and shook the extended hand. "Hi."

The healer was the same height that he was. He had friendly blue eyes and he felt much less apprehensive about having to spend time with him.

* * *

Draco woke the next morning with a scratchy throat. He stayed in bed, not wanting to move. 

"Get a move on, you're going to be late for Potions," said Snape as he came out of the other room.

"I don't feel well," he complained.

"Does your head still hurt?"

"That, and Potter, apparently in addition to cursing me, also gave me his cold," he responded sarcastically.

"Potter wasn't contagious anymore, so you couldn't have gotten it from him. Perhaps Tonks accidentally gave it to you."

"Right…another accident."

"Draco, I thought you had realized that Harry did not curse you intentionally?"

The blond just put his arm over his eyes and gave a long-suffering sigh.

Snape frowned as his anger grew. He hadn't thought that the headmaster was right, but once again Dumbledore's perception had apparently been accurate.

"I'm waiting for an answer." Snape's voice was dangerously low.

Draco heard the growl in his guardian's voice and quickly dropped his arm.

"I guess not," he replied in a subdued voice.

Snape sighed. "Did you lie so no one would be angry with you?"

He crossed his arms angrily and replied, "No, he looked horrified so I don't think he did it on purpose, but I've been thinking about it and it's always me that he's accidentally injuring. Twice on the Quidditch field and now this. So what happens next? He accidentally kills me and then feels sorry about it and everyone else thinks, 'Poor Harry Potter, killed someone else he didn't mean to, like Diggory and his godfather.'"

Snape was startled. His ward was obviously still struggling with his acceptance of Potter. He couldn't really argue with him because he had been injured three times now.

"We need to get to class, but believe me that we will discuss this later." He decided he needed some time to think about this before responding.

Draco reluctantly followed Professor Snape into Potions. He felt Hermione's eyes on him as he headed to his seat. With much disdain, he felt a flush creep into his cheeks. It was bad enough being cursed by the Cruciatus, but to be cursed in front of others who heard you scream and whimper from the pain was enough to make his stomach turn. He refused to look at her or Weasley or Longbottom.

After class ended, he stayed behind for his Occlumency lesson. He still didn't feel well, so he placed his head down on bent arm and closed his eyes for a few minutes as students left.

"Er…" He heard a voice beside him and reluctantly lifted his head. Longbottom was looking at him nervously. "Here." He held out a small container.

"What is it," Draco demanded curtly.

"These pills are made from the immotus plant. We learned about it in Herbology last year. I made up these pills after I got cursed last year, and they really helped. I stopped having nightmares about the Cruciatus. They're to calm you."

Draco was inclined to say he was fine and he certainly didn't need anything from Longbottom, but he found himself reaching out and taking them. He couldn't quite bring himself to say thank you, though. He was, however, surprised that after years of harassment, Longbottom would do something nice for him. A strange, uncomfortable feeling welled up in him. He didn't like the feeling. Was it guilt? Longbottom, after all, had deserved all the bullying and hassle for being such a blundering idiot, right?

Snape watched the interaction with curiosity. He, too, was surprised by Longbottom's action. The boy was a walking disaster in Potions, never making any effort and reacting to correction with the nervousness of a rabbit about to be made into dinner. He had no fondness for most of his students, but especially not ones that inevitably caused more trouble than the rest. Yet, this small act of kindness towards his ward softened him a bit towards Longbottom.

He waved his wand, sealing the door so they could proceed with Occlumency lessons uninterrupted.

"Ready?"

Draco nodded reluctantly. He wanted to finally learn this. It couldn't have taken Potter this long, could it?

He hated Snape probing his mind and making him relive all the things he'd rather not think about.

* * *

"I think what would be best is to examine you first to make sure that nothing physical is causing your problems," the healer suggested. 

"It's not. Madam Pomfrey has already examined me," Harry protested.

"Nevertheless, I'd like to assure myself also. If you could please go into the bedroom to the left upstairs and remove your clothes, you'll find a hospital gown I brought with me on the bed."

Harry looked to Mrs. Weasley, hoping she'd protest, but instead she just nodded encouragingly. He felt frustrated. "But sir, this is really unnecessary. The problem is in my scar and my eyes. Surely Professor Dumbledore told you what he suspects?"

"Yes, he has. Now please go upstairs," Dominic responded firmly.

He stood and glared defiantly at the healer for a moment.

"Harry, go dear. Dominic is just trying to help, as we all are," came Mrs. Weasley's voice with a hint of sternness.

"Fine," he grumbled and turned.

Once he got upstairs, he angrily threw off his clothes, placing them on the chair by the bed. He put on the hospital gown with a note of apprehension. He hated being examined by some stranger. He felt like he did back in year 5 when almost everyone thought he was crazy and there were constantly eyes watching him. He climbed under the covers, lay back, and tensely waited for the healer.

* * *

**A/N: Since JKR said another much loved character will die in book 6 who do you think it will be and why? I'll post results in the next chapter.**

_Next chapter: More Harry and the Healer, Draco occlumency: memories of the fake Moody, some more Tonks/Snape._


	16. Ongoing Struggles

**A/N:** _Big Thanks to all my reviewers. For all of you Snape Tonks lovers, yes there will be a kiss but not for awhile yet, it will happen during a rather emotional explosive scene when Harry and Draco go missing. It's not too far away so hang in there._

_**I want to say a grateful thanks to my beta Staporize who always edits in record time.**_

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 16 – Ongoing Struggles**

"_Legilimens_."

_"Oh no you don't, laddie." Professor Moody had suddenly appeared and a horrible feeling of shrinking possessed him. He found himself on the floor on all fours looking up at half the Hogwarts student population. He shivered on the cold stone floor, stunned for a few moments, then tried to run for the dungeons and Snape, but suddenly found himself tossed high into the air. Then, with a sickening drop in his stomach, found himself hurtling down onto the hard uneven floor. He shrieked as he hit the unyielding surface. His hip immediately bruised, then he was lifted up and smashed down again, this time hitting his knee. The sequence continued with his shoulder, elbow, back – each encounter with the stone floor adding cuts and bruises. The pain seemed to continue and he was close to blacking out when suddenly he was back to_ _himself as Professor McGonagall transformed him_. He _flushed with embarrassment and tears welled in his eyes after having been transformed __into a ferret and bounced along the floor in front of the eyes of his worst enemies. His entire body ached as he slowly got to his feet wincing. He tried to regain his dignity by threatening Moody with his father's influence, but Moody didn't seem the least bit intimidated. He grabbed his arm and forced him down the hall to see Professor Snape. _

He was in too much pain to say anything as they headed down the hall. Moody snarled at him and the grip on his arm was painful. Moody knocked on Snape's door and it was opened quickly. Snape's dark eyes bore into Moody's and quickly widened as he looked at him. His head dropped in humiliation.

With an angered sigh, Snape ended the Legilimens spell. His blond student shakily made his way over the sofa and collapsed on it.

Annoyance with Draco and anger at the memory welled up in the Potions Master. He let his mind wander back to the events that had followed.  
_  
"What happened?" he demanded of Mad Eye. _

"One of your Slytherins was caught cursing a Gryffindor with his back turned. A rather cowardly action, not unexpected from a Slytherin, I might add. Taught this one a lesson though, right laddie? You won't be trying that again too soon," Moody snarled in Draco's ear, making him inadvertently cringe.

_Snape noted how disheveled his favourite student looked, his hair was almost as messy as Potter's, his face was flushed, and, much to his disbelief, tears shimmered in the gray eyes. His eyes snapped up to Moody's. "What have you done with him?" _

Moody's smile was ugly. "Taught him a well deserved lesson, and you better not undo it."

_He turned and limped away. _

"What happened, Draco?"

His student's voice was halting as he explained what had happened. When Draco suddenly stepped back, Snape realized that the fury on his face must have added to his fear.

_The professor took a deep breath. "Do you want to go to the hospital wing?" _

He shook his head.

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

He nodded hesitantly.

Snape gentled his tone. "Take off your clothes, keep your underwear on. Wrap yourself up in the blanket over there. I have a potion that will help things hurt a little less."

The boy had done as he instructed, wincing at every movement. He stood still near the fireplace with the blanket wrapped around him, watching as the potions were prepared. Snape brought the bottle over to him with a soft rag. He soaked it with the solution from the bottle

_"Lower the blanket," he instructed and, as gently as he could, he applied it the to darkening bruises and abrasions caused by the encounters with the uneven stone floor. Draco shivered and winced, but made no sound other than a sharp intake of breath. _

"I thought you were a bit smarter than this," Snape stated softly. "Cursing the hero of the wizarding world in sight of a teacher, an ex-auror no less, was quite idiotic! More worthy of a Hufflepuff than a Slytherin."

When Draco didn't reply, he looked at him to find tears again welling in his eyes. A wave of pity washed over him. He knew first hand how it felt to be humiliated.

_"In a few days everyone will have forgotten," Snape soothed. There was hardly on area anywhere on Draco's pale skin that wasn't red or blue. He applied cool, soothing potion as gently as could, then pointed at the sofa in front of the fire. "Lie down for a bit." He handed him the rest of the solution so Draco could get any spots he missed. Then he pulled a heavy blanket over him. Draco quickly wiped a tear that had made his way down his cheek. _

"Would you like to take a pain potion? Or is this," he lifted Draco's chin "because you are upset since Potter and his friends witnessed all this?"

"I hate them," he managed to hoarsely choke out.

"Shhh. I know." He softly placed his hand on Draco's forehead and gently swept back his tousled hair. "Hating them isn't going to make you feel any better"

Draco took another shaky breath as another tear escaped. "Everyone saw."

Snape sighed heavily. "What of it? So for a day or two you'll be the main topic of those idiot children's conversations, then it will die down and they'll find something new to prattle on about. Calm yourself."

Draco turned his face into the pillow, his shoulders shaking.

_Snape's pity grew. "It will be all right, I promise." His heart ached for him during this rare display of emotions. He stroked his back gently and continued to reassure him. The boy dried his eyes and glanced at him, clearly mortified and whispered a choked "thank you.." _

Snape took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. The urge to kill Moody was strong.

When Snape snapped out of the memory, he concluded things would have been better if he had indeed killed the man who turned out to be an imposter. His gaze landed back on Draco, who looked flushed and shaken. "You aren't even trying!"

The blond's eyes iced over. "Of course I'm trying! I've been trying this since day one, but if I remember correctly Potter didn't learn this overnight either. Perhaps you were just more patient with him. It was, after all, the time you two bonded wasn't it?" Draco sneered.

Snape's eyes darkened. "Perhaps Potter didn't waste his time, or mine, having little jealousy fits and instead chose to devote his energy to the important things," he snarled quietly.

Draco had risen to his feet and Snape could see he was breathing fast, his expression furious.

"If Lucius or the Dark Lord or any of his followers get a hold of you, they will be able to access everything in your mind. You cannot even block out the smallest memories. It's easy access because you refuse to try!"

"That's not true! I AM trying! I won't let anyone but you into my mind."

Snape snorted. "You don't even know when someone other than me has accessed it."

Draco paled. "What do you mean?"

Snape's eyes bore into him. "After one of your nightmares you wouldn't reveal what it had been about so the headmaster performed Legilimency on you and revealed to me what the nightmare had been about."

He gasped. "He had no right to do that!"

"Nevertheless, he was very worried about you. The point is that anyone who is a Legilimens can get into your mind without you even knowing it. You need to use whatever means necessary to ward me off!"

Draco threw him a scathing look before heading to the door.

"Draco!"

"I'm off for my detention with Filch. You know, the one you gave me for insulting your favourite student, Potter!" Draco yelled before he tore out into the hallway.

Snape shouted after him, but the teen just stepped up his pace.

Snape angrily shut the door with a bang.

Draco stormed to Filch's office, nearly running Tonks over on the way.

"Wotcher, Cous! What's the hurry? Snape on your tail?"

"Sod off!" Draco yelled at her, his voice tight.

She flew at him so fast he had no time to react. He found himself pinned against the wall by the angry purple-haired witch.

"You do not get away with treating me, or anyone else, like that just because you are in a foul mood. Understand?" Her dark eyes blazed at him.

He glared at her but stayed silent. She stepped away, regarding him with concern.

His heart was beating painfully and he finally snapped, "Yes!"

"What's wrong?" she asked more softly.

His throat constricted suddenly and he bit his bottom lip. He just shook his head at her.

"Sweetie, what's happened?" She stepped closer again and lightly put her hand on his arm.

He swallowed, finding his voice again. "Nothing, everything, I hate my life." Then, after a moment's silence, he continued. "You'll have to excuse me because I'm off to another detention with Filch for hurting precious Potty's feelings, which apparently is so much worse than him cursing me!"

He turned and stalked down the hall with his robes flying in a manner reminiscent of Snape.

Tonks knocked on Snape's door. He opened it growling.

"Well hello to you too. Tell me, Severus, are you ever cheerful?" Tonks asked with a grin, trying to provoke him.

His eyes widened at the unexpected sight of her. His throat was suddenly dry.

She reached to down to scratch Loki under the chin and then glanced up at him. "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" she teased.

His mouth twitched. "You are obviously feeling better."

"Well I have an enchanting hacking cough. Do you want to hear it?" She grinned. "No, I'm not feeling really well yet, but definitely improved."

"I'm glad to hear that," he said in a low, smooth voice.

His dark eyes regarded her so intently she found herself feeling a little warm but brushed it off as a cold-related fever.

"I ran into Draco in the hallway, or rather he ran into me. He seems quite agitated. He was upset about his detention and about Harry cursing him?"

Snape inhaled sharply. Dumbledore had obviously not yet related the events of yesterday to the rest of the Order. He closed the door behind Tonks and quietly told her what had happened.

Her face paled. "Have you heard anything yet? Poor Harry. He must just feel awful. And Draco, I mean there's still obviously some resentment there; having the Cruciatus placed on him couldn't have helped that."

"Draco acted like everything was fine, but he's being quite difficult. Like most adolescents, he isn't easy to reason with." He glanced at the fireplace. "I'm waiting for word on Potter. The headmaster promised he'd let me know."

"I'm heading back to my room. I just wanted to stretch my legs a bit. Please let me know as soon as you do. I care about that kid a lot."

"I promise."

"If you need help with Draco, I'll take a stab at him."

"He's caught your cold and I think that alone would make him rather unreasonable right now."

"Go easy on him, Severus. He's just a bit messed up right now, but with good influences he'll be all right."

"I would never give up on him," Snape stated solemnly.

"I know. That side of you, the side that can love, makes you so appealing." She looked at him warmly and left, quietly closing the door behind her.

Snape stood still, his heart beating loudly in his ears. Had she just told him that he was appealing? Dazed, he sat down at his desk and absentmindedly graded papers, unconsciously giving Neville Longbottom a top grade.

* * *

Dominic entered carrying a small satchel. He set it down and immediately it swelled to four times its former size. He drew out an odd coloured wand. Harry had never seen one like it. It was a sky blue colour with swirling silver streaks. He carefully held it over Harry. "This isn't going to hurt. There may be some discomfort, but if there is just take some deep cleansing breaths. Ready?"

"Yes," said Harry apprehensively.

The healer started to wave his wand over him muttering spells. Harry felt slight nausea well up in him and he found himself sweating as if nervous about a test or Quidditch game. Various internal organs seemed to move on their own accord and an incredibly uncomfortable sensation rose in him. "Deep breaths, Harry," came Dominic's gentle voice. "You've recently had a cold or a flu?"

"You can see that?" he asked, amazed since there was no trace of it left.

"You'd be surprised how long the body can tell us what has happened to it." He lifted his wand.

"Please tell me exactly how you felt just before the curse happened?"

Harry's annoyance showed as he recounted the events. "Malfoy was being a prat and I was angry and impatient. But I was being a prat, too, but I didn't feel anything monumental that would make me want to curse him."

"Has this particular student done anything in the past that would make you want to hurt him?"

He thought back over the years to all the taunts and insults Malfoy had drawled at himself and at the people he cared about. He remembered last year wanting to, and almost succeeding in, pounding him bloody after the Quidditch match that led to his suspension. He frowned, then responded, "Yes, there have been times."

"Professor Dumbledore also told me that one of your professors, Professor Snape, has also caused your scar and the pain to act up?"

Harry nodded.

"Has anyone else caused that pain to surface?"

"No " he responded quietly.

The healer's brow furrowed as he again scanned him with his wand. Aside from the nausea, the unpleasant pressure of being incessantly poked at spread over

him. "Please roll over onto your stomach," Dominic requested.

Reluctantly, Harry turned as he was scanned once again.

"I understand that less than a year ago you lost someone who was very important to you?" He indicated that he could sit up.

A weight settled in Harry's chest as he sat back against the headboard. "Yes."

"Your godfather," Dominic stated.  
Harry nodded as the resentment built.

"How did you feel in the months following his death?"

His eyes narrowed and he grabbed his clothes. "How do you think!" Then, with an annoyed sigh, he continued. "Look, I've talked about his death and how I felt to a Professor at Hogwarts. It's all out there and I _don't_ want to talk about it again."

Dominic persisted. "I can see by your reaction that there was a lot of anger involved. Who are you angry at?"

He growled, "This is a waste of time." He started putting on his clothes.

"Running from me is not going to help you."

Green eyes flashed dangerously. "You want to know what I'm angry at? I'm angry at people constantly watching me, waiting to see what I'll do next, trying to find out what's in my head, wondering if I have a chance in hell in defeating Voldemort." He said the last word loudly, trying to gain reaction from the healerm but he just sat back didn't blink, didn't flinch.

"Do you think you can defeat Voldemort?" He said the dark wizard's name clearly.

Harry stood, still not knowing what to say. He had halfway buttoned up his shirt. No one had ever asked him that, though he was sure it was on everyone's mind.

"I guess I better, or we're all dead." He shrugged. He wished the questions would just end.

"But do you think you can?" Dominic probed.

Harry turned to glare at him. How was he supposed to answer that?

A knock came on the door and Dumbledore entered. He exchanged greetings with Dominic, but his gaze was on Harry.

"Why are you here?" he asked the old wizard quietly.

"Because I am concerned and because I want to ensure that you are cooperating to the best of your ability."

Harry's green eyes narrowed.

Dumbledore, never taking his eyes off Harry, spoke to the healer. "Dominic, would you go down and see how Molly is doing? She was about to brew us a cup of tea."

"Certainly, Albus."

He sat down on the side of the bed, watching as Harry nervously stood looking out the window.

"What were you and Dominic discussing just before I walked in? The air is rather tense."

Harry turned back and fired at him, "Whether or not I think I can kill Voldemort. How am I supposed to answer that?"

"Truthfully, I would think."

His stomach twisted. He didn't think he could kill someone, but he wasn't about to advertise it to a stranger.

"Harry?"

"I'm going back to Hogwarts. If you don't give me the portkey, I'll walk!"

"You can't go back yet," Dumbledore continued calmly.

"I've had enough! This isn't accomplishing anything." He headed for the door then stopped angrily. "You've got this place charmed so I can't leave it, right?"

"Everything we do here brings us one step closer in helping you control your power. Harry, I cannot let you endanger everyone, nor can anyone else know of your power."

He stood defiantly.

"Please work with Dominic."

"Or what? You'll throw in me in St. Mungo's?"

"What would you like me to do?" Dumbledore looked at him kindly.

His heart was racing. He wanted to be left alone and just go back to Hogwarts, but the memory of Draco screaming under his Cruciatus Curse welled up in his brain. He didn't want to hurt anyone else. He swallowed heavily.

"Can I call Dominic back? I will stay with you. I promise we will help and then you can go back to Hogwarts," the headmaster said gently.

Harry raised his eyes to look at Dumbledore. He gave a small nod.

Dominic came back in, bringing each of them a cup of tea. Harry sat on the bed beside the headmaster.

They drank their tea quietly for a few moments and then Dominic started up with the questions again.

"I know when you encountered the woman who killed your godfather you attempted to perform the Cruciatus Curse on her. You must have felt a lot of hatred. Did your scar hurt then?"

"No."

"When Voldemort appeared, did you attempt the curse?"

He shook his head.

"Why not? Surely the man who killed both of your parents, invaded your mind, and tricked you into thinking he had your godfather warranted a bit of hatred?"

Harry leapt to his feet. "Shut up! Of course I hate him, but since the curse didn't work on on … her I didn't try it on him. He has destroyed my life; he threatens everyone I care about. He's cold blooded, cruel, evil and I _hate_ him, but I don't think I can kill him, despite what he did to my parents and to Cedric and to Sirus so stop asking, stop making me feel guiltier than I already do!" He shouted the words, his anger growing every second while his scar started to prickle.

Suddenly, the pain exploded with such a fervor that everything went black. When he awoke moments later, he was laying on the bed. He lurched quickly over the side, throwing up. He felt a cool hand on his forehead and other hands laying him flat again.

"Drink this, Harry." His mouth was pried open and a bitter tasting potion went in. He spat it out, knowing if it hit his stomach he'd be sick again.

He curled up on his side, feeling miserable; his body was soaked in sweat. "Harry, you need to swallow. This will take away the pain, and as soon as you swallow it, I have a another potion to settle your stomach," came Dominic's gentle voice.

His eyes opened and he realized the hand on his forehead was Dumbledore's. "Leave me alone!"

He angrily swiped at the hand holding the vial.

"Harry, stop this nonsense and swallow the contents of the vial. For Merlin's sake, you must know by now we are only trying to help you." Mrs. Weasley's loud but worried voice came through the haze in his head.

They were all ganging up on him. With a lurch in his stomach, he grabbed the vial and downed the foul stuff. Immediately the pain started to lessen and he opened his eyes to look at the 3 adults surrounding him. All regarded him anxiously.

"Better, Harry?" asked Dumbledore.

"Yes," he responded hoarsely.

The three of them looked at each other nodding.

"What?" he asked, sitting up slowly. "What did you find out?"

**A/N2:** **_Please choose your top choice between Ginny, Neville, Luna, Ron and Hermione who should have seer powers?  
_**  
**Next Chapter:** More Harry and the healer, a temporary solution, a nightmare, a return to Hogwarts; Draco loses his spot as Slytherin Prince, indulges in firewhisky and shares his woes with Hermione.


	17. Loss of Power

**A/N:** _Big Thanks to all my reviewers. So Luna is the top choice for being a seer, second and third were a tie between Ron and Ginny. I confess Luna was my top choice as well. Please answer the question at the bottom._

**_Big thank you, as always, to my beta Staporize_**

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**_Chapter 17 – loss of power_**

"Don't get excited, Harry. I'm afraid it's only a temporary solution," Dominic explained. He and Dumbledore and Mrs. Weasley all sat around his bed.

"I brought various potions with me from St. Mungo's and one is a mixture of calming potions, which work on the nervous system in order to deal with the physical side. The other is a type of sedative that is used to deal with wizards who have severe emotional problems. Combined the two…"

Harry interrupted, "It's used on mental patients! So you all think I've gone mad like some rabid dog?" His voice grew loud as the anguish in his chest blossomed, but then nausea swept over him and he immediately took some deep breaths as he closed his eyes.

He felt the mattress shift as Mrs. Weasley sat down beside him, applying a cool, wet cloth to his face.

"I'm afraid, Harry, that the potion, while effective in controlling your anger, also has a side effect of nausea whenever you become agitated," Dumbledore explained.

Mrs. Weasley's hand was on his back, gently offering support. "I think it would be best if we let Harry get changed into some pajamas and out of this hospital gown. I think it's time we all had some rest." She looked at the other two sternly.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "You are quite right, Molly."

Dominic laughed, his eyes crinkling. "You haven't changed much, Molly. Still bossing the boys around." Her sternness melted away and her face dissolved into a smile.

Dominic added softly, "Arthur is a lucky man."

Mrs. Weasley blushed. "Oh, Dominic."

Dumbledore looked amused and raised an eyebrow at Harry. He wondered how well Dominic and Molly had known each other during their own Hogwarts time.

As the headmaster and the healer left, Mrs. Weasley turned her eyes back on Harry. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you. If there is anything I can do to make it better, just let me know.

"Is there nothing else? Do I have to take this potion forever? Dominic said temporary, but what if there is no other way?"

"I'm sure you can learn to control the anger. Harry, you have a lot on your shoulders, more than a 16-year-old should ever have to bear, but, in order to survive, you have to focus your anger on You-Know-Who. Don't waste your energy on boys like Draco Malfoy, who take delight in consciously, or unconsciously, riling you up."

"I know it was bloody stupid to let him get to me."

"Well," she grinned a bit mischievously before continuing, "I bet he won't be doing that again all too soon again."

Harry ginned embarrassedly. "Maybe that's the one good thing to come out of all this." His eyes suddenly looked worried. "But I really didn't mean to hurt him like that."

"I know that, Harry, we all do. But subconsciously you were probably quite fed up with his nasty mouth and those feelings came through."

"So you think deep down inside I did it on purpose?" he asked quietly then added, "Dominic thinks I did, too."

"I don't know for sure, dear, but it sounds like a possibility."

He felt awful at the thought. As much as he wanted to hex Malfoy on occasion, he had actually started to like the aggravating Slytherin brat at times. He certainly didn't hate him anymore.

"Change into your pajamas – you'll feel a lot more comfortable. I'll get you a warmth package; it will help you sleep."

After Harry changed into his pajamas he got onto the bed and climbed under the covers.

Mrs. Weasley brought him the warmth package and, after thanking her, he fell asleep. His sleep was disturbed, though, by a number of dreams. In one of them, Fawkes flew him over Hogwarts as the giant castle was engulfed in flames. In the next dream, Draco was sobbing hysterically, telling him to leave him alone. In the last dream, he and Ron were casting a patronus when suddenly he looked at Ron and he died because he had accidentally used the Avada Kedavra curse.

He bolted up in bed trembling uncontrollably. His heat raced painfully and he grabbed the warmth package, holding it tightly to his chest as he tried to take some deep breaths. A moment later, he calmed down and he realized it was likely due to the potion. He was glad no one had heard his nightmare and had come running in.

Still shaking slightly, he lay back against his pillow. His life was going from bad to worse. Without the potion, he was a danger to everyone around him. The only way he could stop taking it was to control his anger. How could anyone control their anger that much? The thought kept him awake for the rest of the night.

* * *

After scrubbing toilets and removing mold from the shower stalls, a disheveled and bitter Draco finally returned to the Slytherin dorm. He walked in to the common room and discovered Blaise sitting by the hearth surrounded by adoring Slytherins. A ball of hatred formed in his stomach. His prefect's badge had been taken away at the end of 5th year and had been given to Blaise Zabini. Blaise continually flaunted his badge at him. He was charming and conniving and most of the Slytherins adored him. Only Crabbe, Goyle, Theodore Nott, and Pansy stayed loyal to him. Zabini wanted Pansy and was continually trying to lure her away. Draco wasn't sure if he himself wanted Pansy, but he did know he didn't want Zabini to have her.

He'd known Pansy since they were little. He'd taken her to the Yule Ball. Pansy cared about him, he knew that. He thought he cared about her too, but so much had happened and he had distanced himself from her. He wasn't sure how he felt anymore, and every time he tried to concentrate on her blue eyes, a different set of brown ones crept into his mind

"Are you all right?" She came over to him and put her hand on his arm. She looked concerned.

"I'm just tired, so I'm going to bed. I certainly don't feel like listening to Zabini!" His eyes narrowed as he glared in his direction.

"He's a prat," Pansy confirmed

"They should never have given him my prefect's badge," he spat quietly.

"Don't let him upset you, Draco. You are worth ten of him."

He looked at her, raising one brow. "You mean one hundred, I hope."

She blushed. "At least a thousand."

He grinned at her as he felt his ego being replenished.

"Sweet dreams." She stood on tiptoe and lightly kissed his lips.

He smiled at her again as he went around the corner to his dorm.

After washing up and changing into his pajamas, Draco went to bed. Crabbe and Goyle talked about the upcoming Quidditch match against Ravenclaw and Draco listened half-heartedly. The thought of being up on his broomstick, soaring through the sky partly lifted his mood, but didn't deter him enough from his anger at Zabini. Finally exhaustion overcame his restless thoughts.

* * *

As soon as it became light outside, Harry got up. He quietly took a shower in an attempt to revive himself. After he got dressed he went downstairs. He was startled to find Snape speaking with Dumbledore. His potion professor's dark eyes narrowed when he saw him. "Potter, you haven't slept a wink, have you?"

Harry didn't answer, preferring instead to ask a question of his own. "What are you doing here?"

"Professor Snape was rather annoyed with me for not filling him in like I had promised to. He became more and more worried and decided to come and check on you himself." The headmaster then looked at his professor. "Severus, I do apologize, but I became preoccupied with Harry's problem and simply forgot."

Snape nodded curtly. "Did the potion keep you awake?" he asked, staring at Harry.

Harry stepped down from the last step, shooting him a look of resentment. The last thing he wanted was to discuss his nightmares.

"You had another nightmare, didn't you," Snape stated.

He sighed in frustration. "Just some stupid dreams. What really kept me awake was trying to come up with a solution that would keep me from having to take the potion for any length of time."

Dominic came out of the kitchen with a large cup of coffee. "The only way to do that is to control your anger."

"How am I supposed to do that? It's not like I can just switch off a light and not ever get angry about anything!" Harry turned on him.

"Calm yourself," came Dumbledore's warning voice, but it was too late. A wall of nausea welled up in Harry and he doubled over. Snape's silky voice instructed, "Deep breaths, Harry," as he steered him to the sofa, where he sat with his head down, gulping in air.

"I know your reputation precedes you, but expecting anyone to stay tranquil all the time is impossible, especially for Potter," Snape snarled at the healer.

"Severus, do you have another solution?" asked Mrs. Weasley as she also came out of the kitchen. She immediately went and sat down beside Harry.

"No, but we certainly need to figure out why this is happening."

* * *

The following morning, Draco still didn't feel well so he went to see Madam Pomfrey, who gave him some Pepperup potion.

Later, to his dismay, he ran into Zabini in the washroom. "So Malfoy, heard from your father lately?"

He bristled. "None of your business!"

"Now that's where you are wrong. He was stupid enough to get caught last year and he shamed the title of pureblood. He's weak and simpleminded and the Dark Lord only keeps him around because he's filthy rich. Just like you, Malfoy."

"SOD OFF! You and your family will never be in as high a standing with the Dark Lord as my father!"

Zabini laughed dangerously. "We already are." Then he caressed his prefect's badge. "Miss this? You really screwed this up last year – hmmm, guess it wasn't a good year for either of you. Like father, like son!"

Draco pulled out his wand, ready to hurl a hex at his head. His hand was shaking badly.

"Now now, manners Malfoy, or I'll have to write you up. You'll probably get off, though, considering how you are our head of house's special pet. Tell me, Draco, what do you do for Snape? His laundry? Cook his meals? Are you his personal little house elf? Or does it go deeper?" He grinned darkly and leaned closer, whispering, "Are you his private toy?"

Draco's rage crested and he started a hex when suddenly Filch appeared. "What do you think you're doing! That'll earn you more detention time with me." Filch grinned, his rotting teeth showing.

Without a word but with an angry glare in Zabini's direction, Draco turned and headed back to his room. He grabbed a bottle of firewhisky he had confiscated from a 3rd year last spring when he was still a prefect. He headed down to the lake and found his favourite spot in amongst the trees. He opened the bottle and took a deep swig, then coughed fitfully as the burning liquid made its way down. He had tried it once before, but always thought Malfoys only imbibed the finest wines and champagnes. Swill like this was for the common rabble. He took another swig. He angrily pulled out his wand and pointed it at the red ants that kept crawling towards him. "_Crucio_!" he whispered, but nothing happened. Then louder: "_Crucio_!" Still nothing. Disgusted, he threw the wand down, pulling up his knees and placing his head down on them. His stomach churned unpleasantly and his head ached.

"Draco?"

He looked up, startled to find Hermione in front of him; he hadn't heard her approaching.

"What are you doing here?" he asked sulkily, then hiccuped..

She looked at him with a raised brow. "I believe the question is what in the world are you doing?" She pointed at the ¾ empty bottle of firewhisky.

"As 'hic' usual, it's none of your 'hic' business," came his disgruntled reply between hiccups.

She sighed loudly and heavily as she sat down in front of him, and he in turn regarded her with eyes full of resentment.

"I haven't seen much of you and I wanted to see if you were okay." She hesitated. "And to tell you that you were quite amazing for understanding that Harry didn't curse you on purpose."

He looked away and swallowed. His stomach heaved uncomfortably again and he felt chilled and clammy. He scrambled to his feet suddenly, as the urge to throw up became uncontrollable. He had barely made it behind the tree when his stomach contorted and emptied its contents.

Dizziness overwhelmed him and he fell to his knees, gasping heavily. Much to his embarrassment, he felt Hermione's hand on his shoulder as she quietly said a cleansing spell. With a moan, he laid down on his side, his arms wrapped around his stomach. She sat down beside him and swept his hair off of his forehead to feel his skin. "You need to go to Madam Pomfrey; you are all cold and clammy."

"No," he whispered weakly as his stomach rumbled again. "She'll tell Snape."

"You are obviously in pain and you may have consumed enough to poison yourself."

He snorted. "I didn't even finish the bottle."

She frowned. "Nevertheless, you can't stay out here. I'll help you back."

"No, 'hic'everyone will see…you are a puremud and I'm a a bloodbood er … we can't be seen 'hic' together." He mumbled frantically.

Hermione bit her lip trying not to laugh as Draco hiccuped and slurred his words. She took a quick breath. "I could get the invisibility cloak and then…" She stopped as his face contorted in pain and he turned away from her to retch again.

She didn't wait for an answer but immediately ran to get the cloak. She grabbed Neville on the way. "You have to help me. Draco's really sick and needs to get to the hospital wing, but of course no one can see us."

He immediately came along. As they came to the tree Neville spotted the firewhisky. "Hermione, he's drunk."

"Well yes Neville, that is stating the obvious."

Draco looked ghostly and didn't bother responding. He groaned when Neville got him to his feet and Hermione threw the cloak over them. She walked beside them nonchalantly looking at the sky and bulbs that were flowering in between the grasses. As soon as they reached Hogwarts, she opened the door and as they entered the hospital wing she tore the cloak off them.

Draco looked even worse. She knew he must be feeling really bad, as he hadn't even protested when Neville had helped him up.

They got him onto a bed as Madam Pomfrey bustled over. Hermione looked at her and explained, "Firewhisky."

"What! Mr. Malfoy, you know better than that! What were you thinking? You came to me for Pepperup potion just this morning. Don't tell me you took it and then drank Firewhisky?"

Draco responded in a very subdued barely audible voice, "Yes 'hic.'"

"You have truly gone insane! You know Pepperup should never be taken with alcohol and where in the world did you get Firewhisky? It's not allowed on school grounds!"

He closed his eyes, feeling even more miserable, but then half way through her tirade he turned to throw up again. She immediately put a bucket before him.

"Children, I'm going to need to spend some time with him and he's going to be quite sick as I get this out of his system. It would be best if you left for a while."

Hermione had paled upon hearing that Draco had taken a potion with alcohol. "Is he going to be all right?"

"Yes, of course. Leave him with me and in a couple of hours he'll be fine again."

"Can I come back in about half an hour and sit with him?"

"He'll probably be asleep, but yes if you would like."

She nodded and threw one more look at Draco: his face was flushed with embarrassment and his eyes were tightly closed.

"What was Malfoy thinking? Even I know not to take Pepperup with alcohol," Neville stated in disbelief.

Hermione shook her head. "I don't know, but I think what happened during our lesson must have upset him a lot more than he let on."

Neville nodded.

She smiled at him. "Thanks so much for helping. I know he's one of your least favourite people, and with good reason."

Neville shrugged. "He's gotten a lot better and I'm willing to let bygones be bygones."

She spontaneously hugged him. "You're a good guy and I'm glad we're friends."

He blushed profusely and almost stumbled over his feet as he left.

* * *

"Potter, what were your nightmares about!" Snape demanded again in a low voice.

He looked up to see the dark eyes shimmering expectantly. He knew Snape was trying to help him, but at the same time was furious at his reluctance.

"Hogwarts was burning with everyone I care about inside while Fawkes was flying me overhead," Harry explained in a curt tone.

"Your subconscious fear is that everyone you care about will perish in this war while you live on. It's not at all unusual. In the muggle world, it's called survivor guilt," Dominic explained.

"What else, Harry?" Snape asked, his tone more gentle this time.

"Draco," he replied, disturbed again by the vision of Draco's eyes dilated in fear and pain.

"Draco what? What happened to Draco?" Snape asked anxiously.

"I don't know. I think he was afraid I was going to curse him again, He, he was crying and hysterical and screamed at me to leave him alone," Harry replied. His heart was beating exorbitantly fast again.

"Perhaps your guilt over what happened combined with your subconscious fear of it happening again," Dominic offered.

Snape's brow creased and he looked worried as Harry continued. "And the last dream..." He bit his lip, then continued on determinedly, "In the last dream Ron and I were casting the Patronus Charm when suddenly Ron fell over dead. I had somehow cursed him with the killing curse." His voice dropped to a whisper as he nervously glanced at Mrs. Weasley. She had paled considerably.

"Again Harry, just your subconscious fear of hurting those you care about. As long as you take the potion, you won't be casting any Avada Kedavras, I promise."

Harry exhaled softly. Snape unexpectedly squeezed his shoulder briefly.

* * *

"I'll bring us some breakfast," Dominic volunteered.

Hermione came back a little while later and passed Madam Pomfrey near the door. "How is he?"

The witch looked exhausted, "Better, but it will take another hour or two until he's recovered. For Merlin's sake, he and Potter must have a running bet as to which of them spends the most time in here."

Hermione went over to his bed; he lay on his side. He was awake, but he looked gaunt and drawn and his cheeks held a faint blush.

"Hang over not much fun, Malfoy?" she teased quietly.

He threw her a withering look.

She grinned guiltily. "Sorry," she said and patted his leg. "I can imagine you're not in the mood to be teased. Are you feeling a bit better then?"

He had spent the last 1/2 hour having potions practically forced down his throat then puking out his guts. In between all of that, Pomfrey had to help him change into pajamas. At first he resisted, but then when he almost threw up her and she briskly told him to stop this nonsense, that she had seen lots of bare young men, and he needed to stop being so skittish, he let her help. He felt his face flush again at the thought.

"I'll live," he grumbled.

"Does Professor Snape know yet?"

He sneered unpleasantly. "Apparently my illustrious guardian isn't here. He was concerned about precious Potter and went to wherever he is."

"Well that's good, isn't it. At least that gives you a bit of time to recover before he starts handing out detentions."

"He didn't even tell me he was leaving," he added petulantly.

"Well, since you were hidden outside guzzling Firewhisky, that might have been impossible," she suggested rationally.

"Lupin came by to make sure I wasn't dying or anything. Apparently he's the only one around."

"Professor McGonagall went to London for the weekend, I don't know where Tonks is and of course Professor Dumbledore is with Harry."

"Of course." He sneered again.

"You're jealous aren't you? You always want to be the center of attention," she observed.

"Sod Off!" he replied angrily, attempting to sit up then apparently changing his mind.

"Why did you drink so much Firewhisky?" she asked, trying to figure out what was going on with him.

"Because I was thirsty," he fired back at her.

Exasperated, she sat back looking at him. There was sympathy in her eyes, and he looked away, not wanting her pity.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked softly.

"No," came his quiet response.

"Will you please tell me why you really drank so much? Are you mad at Snape? At Harry? At me?"

As he shook his head, blond strands of his hair fell over his eyes. She longed to brush them back.

"Who then?"

The gray eyes connected with hers again, as if deciding whether or not he wanted to tell her. Then, with a pained sigh, "Zabini. He got my prefect's badge and he's being miserable and giving me a hard time and saying things that are a lie."

Hermione nodded. "I see. So he's doing all the kind of things that you did when you were a prefect. Doesn't feel so good on the other end, does it?"

* * *

Harry sat in front of his breakfast in a sullen silence. Every so often, one of the adults attempted to draw him into a conversation, but he gave short answers, making it clear he had no desire to talk. It was bad enough having Dominic, Dumbledore, and Mrs. Weasley all hovering around him, but now he had Snape glaring at him every so often. He knew Snape had no patience and was in his mind calling him 'idiot child' for refusing to talk, but he was sick of talking about his feelings. They weren't going to disappear because he talked about them, and no one could do anything to help him anyway. He felt more and more isolated. The desire to run away and find Voldemort and end this one way or another was strong. He could stop taking the potion and hurl the Avada Kedavra curse at him; he didn't even need his wand to do that. If this was a power Voldemort had given him, why not use it against him? He looked up and found himself looking into the headmaster's intense gaze. The normally twinkling light blue eyes looked serious, and Harry remembered, too late, that he, like Snape, was a master in Legilimency. He immediately cleared his mind and focused on the scrambled eggs in front of him.

"I think we should return to Hogwarts," Dumbledore stated abruptly.

"Albus, we've barely made any progress," Dominic replied.

"I think for now we've come as far we are able to. I think it would be best for Harry to be among his friends again, and to focus on what's important."

Harry frowned, wondering what Dumbledore was planning. Had he seen into his mind? If so, wasn't killing Voldemort important?"

Dominic said his goodbyes, telling Harry to contact him anytime if he needed to. The three Hogwarts Professors and Harry returned via port key and arrived in Dumbledore's office. Harry, Mrs. Weasley, and Snape were headed to the door when Dumbledore's voice rang out, "A word please, Harry."

He reluctantly turned back.

* * *

**A/N2:** _Thanks for sharing your thoughts on who should be animagus, who should be a seer, now I'd love to know your top choice as to who should be a healer._

**Next Chapter:** Dumbledore and Harry talk, Hermione and Draco talk, Hermione, Ron and Harry talk, Snape and Draco talk, Harry and Draco talk, Crookshanks and Loki talk (oh – just kidding on the last one:)

_The Author is hungry, please feed the author, chocolate is good but in lieu of chocolate - reviews are tasty, too._


	18. A miserable day and a need for tissues

**A/N:** _Big Thanks to all my reviewers **(bunny, littlewicked1982, sonia, Eos Evanggelys, luvbug080688, Dark Mirkwood Elf, Severa-Lilia, CJ, dragon-girl40, Barby-Black, lyss33, Joyal, Droxy, theLastBLACK17, Catmint, XxRanCrawfordxX, bluesparkle123, lucidity, Lunatic Pandora1, Tracey Claybon, Rosaleen, LissaPadfootLuvr, ckat44, supernova8610, IcyPanther, Smiley, starangel2106, ERMonkey Burner of Cookies, HPfreakout, chips challenge, Melindaleo**_ _I loved the chocolate! So Ginny & Hermione are tied as the top choices for a healer, I have to confess one of them was my top choice too but you'll have to wait to find out which one it was. Things are getting tense with a big event happening in the next chapter. For some reason this chapter was hard to write, I had quite a struggle with Dumbledore, Harry, Snape and Draco. The first three eventually obeyed and did what I wanted them to but Draco, he was just a little bugger: full of anger, anxiety, and emotion and he absolutely refused to be rational for the most part._

_Big thank you, as always, to my beta Staporize_

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 18 – a miserable day and a need for tissues**

He glared. "Maybe you better just go."

"Why, Draco? Just because you don't like to hear the truth? You were a miserable prat and you abused the privilege of being a prefect and you know it. So don't pretend now that you were the poor, misunderstood boy and Zabini is mistreating you any more than you mistreated others when you had the badge."

Coldness set in his gray eyes, and his heart hardened as anger blinded him. He couldn't help the words that spat out of his mouth. "How dare you! You're just a stupid useless mudblood and you have no right to judge me. Get out and stay away from me!" His voice was full of hate. "I don't want…" he paused and sneered viciously, "something like you anywhere near me ever again."

Hermione blinked, clearly horrified. It was as if, in that second, the old, despicable Draco Malfoy was back. A lump formed in her throat at his malicious words. As tears entered her eyes, she choked out, "You haven't changed at all! It's all been an act, hasn't it. You're as cold hearted and cruel as ever. You are just like your father, and he'd be so proud if he could see you now." She ran out of the hospital wing as tears coursed down her cheeks.

As she stood outside of the hospital wing wiping her eyes, she wondered why he had affected her so much. He was just a miserable git. He didn't matter. But then why did his words hurt so much?

* * *

"Please, Harry, have a seat," Dumbledore requested.

Harry stood looking at the headmaster warily. "Er… can't I just go?"

"Not until we have spoken." Dumbledore circled around behind his desk and sat down. He looked at Harry, his blue eyes serious.

Harry slowly made his way over to a chair and sat down. He kept his gaze focused on the floor.

"I want you to promise me that you will not do anything foolish."

Harry snorted. "I won't"

"You are not ready to confront Voldemort," said Dumbledore plainly.

Harry stayed silent.

"He would have killed you last time," Dumbledore stated.

Harry's eyes snapped up angrily as he yelled, "But now I can beat him at his own game! Why postpone it? Why give him the chance to kill others? If I can do Crucio then I'm sure I can do the killing curse. Argh." He doubled over.

"Breathe, Harry. Calm down."

"I _hate_ this!" he choked out.

Dumbledore looked troubled and he sighed heavily. "If I could take this away from you, I assure you I would."

"Then find something other than this potion – it makes me sick," Harry stated.

"You are not ready to go after Voldemort." Dumbledore responded as if he hadn't even heard Harry's last sentence.

Harry's eyes blazed. "You performed Legilimency on me back at the chalet, didn't you?"

Dumbledore looked at him over his half-moon glasses and nodded once. "Yes, and what I saw was very unsettling."

"Why? If I succeed, you'd be rid of Voldemort and I could live normally and no one else would have to die."

"Do you remember back at the Ministry of Magic when…"

Harry interrupted, "When Sirius died? It's not likely something I would ever forget and it's another reason I want Voldemort and his Death Eaters gone."

Dumbledore leaned back. "May I finish my sentence now?" he asked, his eyes looking stern.

Harry felt a twinge of guilt for having interrupted him. "Sorry," he responded curtly.

"When Voldemort possessed you, it wasn't anger or hatred that forced him out of your body, it was love, was it not?"

Harry remembered back to that horrible pain of being possessed and then that moment when he thought of dying and seeing Sirius again. He swallowed painfully and, looking up at the headmaster, he responded hoarsely, "Yes."

"Do you think, therefore, that you can just use the killing curse on him and not be changed by it?"

"Don't you think the moment he killed my parents I wasn't changed? Growing up with the Dursleys, then finding out I was a wizard, then coming here, Cedric's death, and Sirius's death, and everything that's happened since. Don't you think that's all changed me? I don't even know who or what I'm supposed to be anymore. Now this weird power I have and the potion I have to take so I don't run around accidentally Crucio'ing or Avada Kedavra'ing people by accident. I'm not exactly normal, Professor Dumbledore!"

Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment. "All those things have, of course, left an impact on you but, throughout all of this you retained your ability to love, your ability to feel compassion. You haven't become bitter and filled with hatred. That makes you strong and powerful in a way that Voldemort can never be."

"What good is it if I can't kill him?"

"Perhaps using the Avada Kedavra curse isn't the right course of action, " the headmaster suggested.

"Then what is the right course?" Harry shouted, feeling exasperated

Dumbledore stood up and walked over to him. "I don't know yet. That's why it's important to not react in anger. We will work this out together, Harry."

There was no response.

The headmaster put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I know you feel very alone, but you are not – you have all of us."

* * *

Draco lay there frozen. He had been furious that she had dared compare him to his father. He wasn't like his father. She knew what he had done to him; she was cruel and heartless. Hearing those words come out of her mouth had hurt. Who the hell did she think she was? The nagging voice in his head reminded him that she was the one who had gone looking for him, she was the one who had helped him get to the hospital wing, and she was the one who had visited him. She had bought him the dragon at Christmas. He closed his eyes tightly then, with a sharp inhale, dropped his legs over the side of the bed to get up. His stomach clenched sharply as if a thousand knives were stabbing him. He had to go after her now, because even though he was still mad at her, he didn't want to lose her. After a step, his stomach clenched up and he bent over groaning.

"Mr. Malfoy! Apparently following orders isn't something you can manage." Madam Pomfrey bustled over furiously. She hauled him to his feet and back onto the bed. Much to his horror, she waved her wand and muttered a spell. A restraint came up and wrapped itself around his wrist, effectively tying him to the bed.

"What if I have to use the washroom?" he yelled at her.

"There's a chamber pot right there," she replied, calmly pulling the curtains around his bed. By the sound of her shoes heading further away, he knew he was alone again.

His stomach ached dully and he curled up on his side again feeling miserable.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps coming towards him.

The curtain was opened quickly and Snape stood there his black eyes blazing. "Lupin has just informed me what you did. Care to explain why the second my back is turned you do something so idiotic that you almost kill yourself?"

Draco slowly sat up, moving to the center of the bed as far as the one restraint encircling his wrist allowed. "It was an accident."

The black eyes flashed with no mercy. "I see. The Firewhisky came out of no where and forced its way down your throat? Is that your story, Draco?" Snape responded in a low, dangerous voice.

Draco swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling very dry. It was obvious his guardian was beyond furious. He stammered, "I wasn't feeling well, so I got some Pepperup potion, and then Zabini and I had a fight because he said some things, and Filch interrupted and threatened me with another detention, and I went and got the Firewhisky so I wouldn't have to think about any of it."

"Firewhisky, as you know, is a banned substance. Taking Firewhisky and Pepperup potion leads to one very sick wizard, as I'm sure you know now. I would have thought your knowledge of potions was at least a step up from Longbottom's, but apparently he's the one who is more skilled!"

Anger flamed in Draco. "Shut up! Just shut up! You're only upset because you are my guardian and I , I probably embarrassed you. You weren't even here! You were off babysitting Potter again. Why don't you just go and adopt him and leave me alone!"

Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You know, Draco, right now is the one time when I wish the use of the cane had not been banned from Hogwarts!" He smiled viciously and continued, "But then Firewhisky is banned, and that didn't stop you from using it. Perhaps I should take a leaf from your book?"

He watched as Draco paled. Then, with an angry snort, he stormed angrily out of the hospital wing.

With his heart beating erratically, Draco shouted after him as soon as he heard the door slam shut. "You bastard! You miserable git! I hate you and don't you dare lay a hand a me! I hate you!" He angrily smashed at the nightstand, throwing everything on it helter skelter, and cursing Snape loudly with every bad name he could think of.

With his anger spent, his breathing became laboured, and his stomach hurt again. He curled on his side, miserably burying his face in the pillow. His throat tightened and his eyes ached trying to suppress the angry tears that welled there.

He flinched when suddenly a hand touched his back and someone sat on the mattress beside him. Through watery eyes he glanced up into Professor McGonagall's concerned eyes.

"Breathe deeply," her voice came sternly.

"Leave me alone," he spoke hoarsely.

Ignoring his request, her voice came firmly but gently, "I just heard what you did. I assume there is a reason for all this?"

He choked out, "I hate him."

She continued patiently, "Who?"

He shook his head into the pillow.

"Tell me what happened from the beginning," she coaxed.

In a halting voice, he told her what Zabini had said and then getting sick outside from the Firewhisky, Hermione and Longbottom smuggling him in, his fight with Hermione, and then with his voice strangled he told her, "Snape wants to cane me."

Her eyes widened at the revelation. Severus must have lost control to put Draco under that impression. "Is that what he actually said?"

"Yes," came the quiet response.

She was upset with Draco for his actions, but scaring the boy like this was wrong.

She responded quietly, "I'm sure Professor Snape was just very worried about almost losing you, and that scared him into saying that. I assure you that there will be no caning."

Draco exhaled softly, but his voice was full of doubt and anxiety. "He knows what my father did to me. Why would he say that if he didn't mean it?" His lower lip quivered.

She reached into the pocket of her robe and pulled out a tissue which she handed to him. "Because he was angry, hurt, frightened, and no doubt frustrated that you would do something like this. He didn't mean it, likely anymore than you meant what you said to Miss Granger. Am I right about that?"

She stood up and walked over to the window, allowing him a moment of privacy. She turned back to him after she heard him blowing his nose.

After a minute he sat up and said, "She's never going to come anywhere near me again."

She shook her head. "Hush, you are being a wee bit dramatic. All of this between you and Professor Snape and Miss Granger can be made better with a sincere and heartfelt apology from you."

He snorted. "Snape's too angry; I don't want to see him. And Granger won't forgive me again. I've done this before, and she barely forgave me then. I know she won't a second time."

"Give it time. I promise it will all get better. Now lie down and let Madam Pomfrey's potions finish healing you."

Obediently he lay back down feeling foolish, worried, and angry all at once.

* * *

The faster Snape strode down the hallway, the sicker he felt. He has just threatened Draco with a caning. The broken, near death image of his ward filled his head. Merlin, what he had done? Lucius had nearly beaten him to death last year with his cane and now he, as his guardian, had just threatened him with one.

How was he going to fix this? He found himself in front of Tonk's rooms. Hesitating for a moment, he knocked on her door. There was no answer. Feeling even more discouraged, he started heading down to Slytherin when suddenly Tonks came around the corner.

"Wotcher, Severus, what's wrong?"

He stood uncomfortably for a second, his dark eyes regarding her intensely as if to decide on whether or not he could trust her. He finally spoke, "Do you have a moment?"

"Sure, let's go into my rooms." They turned back and she beckoned him inside to sit by the fire.

"Can I get you a cup of tea?"

He shook his dark hair as he stared morosely into the fire. "Draco almost killed himself this morning. He took Pepperup and followed it with Firewhisky."

"Oh Merlin, is he all right?"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey is healing him, but…"

"But what? What's wrong with him? Did he do it on purpose?"

"No, but I lost my temper, implied he deserved to be caned, and left letting him think I would be more than willing to fulfill that punishment."

Her reaction was instantaneous as she sprang to her feet. "Are you daft? He almost died because of Lucius' beating. You are the one and only person he trusts completely. He loves you, Severus! How could you shatter his trust like this?" Tonks' hair turned fiery red and her eyes blazed green.

He leapt up and snarled defensively, "How am I supposed to fix this?"

"Go back and apologize."

He shook his head. "He should be the one to apologize. He's behaving like the spoiled little brat he's always been. As soon as things don't go his way, he does something to seek attention. Lucius and Narcissa spoiled him rotten. It may have all been for appearance's sake or to keep him occupied, but in many things he's used to getting his own way. He's jealous of all the attention Potter gets, so what does he go and do…" Snape ranted.

"Harry cursed him in front of others and that must not have been easy for him. Did you talk to him and make sure he was okay or did you just yell at him?"

The black eyes snapped up angrily. "I'll let him stew tonight and talk to him tomorrow." He got up and without another word left.

Tonks glared at the door for a good five minutes after his departure.

* * *

As soon as Harry entered the Gryffindor dorm, Hermione hurled herself at him. "Are you all right? I've been so worried."

"I'm fine, just tired."

"Hey, mate. What happened? Are you okay?" Ron asked.

"Let's go upstairs to your room," Hermione whispered. Neville, Luna, and Ginny joined them.

No one else was up there, so they sat down on the beds to talk. Ginny sat down near Harry. "Were you at St. Mungo's?"

He shook his head. "Dumbledore took me to the chalet where we spent Christmas. They think that I've somehow got some abilities from Voldemort when he cursed me as a baby."

"You mean like when you spoke parseltongue?" Ginny asked.

Harry shifted uncomfortably and he kept his eyes down, not wanting to meet everyone's concerned gaze. "Yeah, apparently I can now do the Cruciatus Curse and they think I can do the Avada Kedavra. The healer gave me a potion that I have to take everyday. It's supposed to keep me from getting angry, because if I do, it makes me sick."

"That's awful! Can't they do something else?" Hermione asked, her voice shrill with worry.

He shook his head. "Snape is going to try to come up with another potions but…" his voice trailed off.

"What happens if you don't take it but just try not to get mad?" Ron offered.

"I might accidentally do the killing curse. I can't risk that."

"Stupid Malfoy, he started this!" Ron exclaimed.

Harry's eyes came up. "It's not his fault! It could have been anyone. He didn't cause this, Voldemort did." He looked over to Hermione. "How is Malfoy?"

She looked away and stared at the floor. Ron spoke up, "Well, the little git was actually okay about it. He admitted that he knew you didn't do it on purpose."

Harry's eyes widened in surprise.

"He's in the hospital ward," Hermione interjected quietly.

"Because I cursed him?' Harry asked, shocked. He had been cursed by Voldemort but had never had to go to the hospital wing because of it.

"No, Malfoy took Pepperup and then got drunk on Firewhisky," Neville explained.

"Why hasn't anyone told me this?" Ron asked. "Hermione?"

"It wasn't important – it was just Malfoy!"

Harry's brow furrowed. "Did you and he have another fight?" Much to his horror, tears welled up in Hermione's eyes.

"I don't want to talk about him, ever!" She got up and stormed out of the room. She headed straight to the girls' dorm and collapsed on the bed. She hated that just the mention of his name upset her this much. What was wrong with her? It was just stupid, arrogant Malfoy.

"You fancy him, don't you?" Ginny asked as she entered the room.

Hermione sat up, clearly shocked. "Who?"

"Ferret boy," Ginny stated smugly.

"No, of course not. He's a miserable, arrogant prat!" she responded angrily.

Ginny nodded. "Yes, he's all of those things, but you still like him."

She vehemently shook her head.

"You wouldn't be so upset if you didn't care."

Tears rolled down her face. "He was awful to me. He hasn't changed at all."

"Well, Harry had just cursed him and he was probably just upset. Not to mention that after taking Pepperup and Firewhisky, he must have been feeling very sick. Maybe he'll apologize," Ginny offered helpfully, handing her some tissues.

Hermione sniffed. "It won't matter."

* * *

"I heard what happened, are you okay?" The curtains were pulled back as Harry entered.

"Great, just great," Draco replied sarcastically.

Harry's gaze narrowed and he sighed. "I'm so sorry I cursed you."

Draco shrugged, then looked at him miserably, noting how tired and worn the Golden Boy looked. "I don't care, Potter."

"Draco, I mean it."

"I DON"T CARE!" he shouted. Then, after a moment, he added, "Why did I get so lucky?"

Harry grew quiet. "Well, you have to admit we've been far from friends over the years. You've done nothing but try to make my life miserable, and I suppose some of my past ill feelings for you came out." He quickly added, "I didn't mean for that to happen, but somewhere in my subconscious, I guess it was there."

Draco's eyes narrowed and he responded icily, "It didn't have to be that way, you know. I was friendly at the beginning and you rejected my offer of friendship."

Harry scoffed. "Friendly? The only reason you held out your hand to me was that you found out who I was. I suppose you thought it could be useful to know me. You were arrogant and conceited and insulted Ron without even bothering to get to know him. Face it, Draco, you thought of yourself as superior, and everyone else was beneath you."

"That's not true!" he snapped.

"Yes it is. You still do. I don't know what happened between you and 'Mione, but I wouldn't be surprised if you lashed out and called her, well, you know what!"

Draco seethed but remained silent.

Harry's eyebrow lifted and he exhaled loudly. "Look, for whatever it's worth to you, I am genuinely sorry that I cursed you. I'm taking a potion now to control it." Harry noted that Draco looked weary and edgy and he tentatively asked, "Er, you didn't do this on purpose, did you?"

Draco's gray eyes widened. "You mean do myself in? Absolutely NOT!" he practically spat at him.

"Okay, okay , its just, well, you know, you're good at potions, so it's hard to believe that you did it by accident."

"I had a lot on my mind!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"With you? No!"

Frustrated and struggling to control his anger before the nausea hit, Harry got up. "All right then, I'll go." He paused. "Hope you feel better soon."

Draco nodded curtly, but didn't say anything.

As Harry headed to the door, he heard, "Potter."

He turned.

"Thanks for...coming by."

Harry hesitated. "Just because we've been adversaries over the years doesn't mean we can't be friends now." He then walked out, leaving Draco to think.

* * *

"Mmmrrph" Crookshanks said to Loki as they passed each other in the hallway. Mrs. Norris' eyes looked from the shadows watching the two handsome boys head out in different directions. She purred to herself; it was nice having those two boy toys around.

_(Droxy, that last bit was especially for you. )_

**Next Chapter (When green light hits first love):** _Dumbledore asks a favour, class trip to St. Mungo's, a Death Eaters attack, Lupin reaches out, Snape says 'call me Severus.''_

**Author is hungry, please feed author.**


	19. When green light hits first love

**A/N:** _Burp, thanks for all the feed. I'm sure it will all be gone by the time I get to the end of this chapter and I will be hungry again. Hope you like it. **HUGE THANKS** to all my reviewers (bunny, Modanubikum, lyss33, Macee, Ariverrunsthroughphoenix, becca, CJ, snapefan51, Sarah, Droxy, theLastBLACK17, Catmint, XxRanCrawfordxX, chipschallenge, lucidity, Lunatic Pandora1, Tracey Claybon, Rosaleen, supernova8610, starangel2106, ERMonkey Burner of Cookies, HPfreakout, Melindaleo, Tamyka, hp-lover-1ol, rosiegirl, xjustagirlx, shrivelled shrimp, Caden, IcyPanther, tonksss, Anglachel, darkghoul) __  
_  
Big thank you , as always, to my wonderful and talented beta Staporize

Disclaimer: It's not mine it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 19: When green light hits first love**

It was a sunny spring day as Harry and Lupin walked around the lake. He knew Remus was worried about him. He had asked him to accompany him on a walk. "Have you had any problems with the potion? ¨

"No, not really. I've been able to stay calm, so I haven't gotten sick," he replied quietly, his head down, staring intently at the dirt path they were walking on.

"I wish this wasn't necessary."

He snorted. "I thought I could use it to kill Voldemort but Dumbledore won't let me. I think he'd rather drag this out for as long as possible."

Remus stayed silent for a few moments, then sighed deeply. "Harry, think about that for a moment. If there was an easy way out, I'm sure Professor Dumbledore would have explored it. You are just not ready yet."

"Well, when am I supposed to be ready? I keep encountering him and so far I've been lucky enough to manage to getting away alive, unlike others." He grew quiet again.

Lupin's hand came out and rested on his back in a fatherly gesture. "Patience Harry." He laughed softly. "You are so much like James sometimes: impatient and ready to jump right in." He added thoughtfully, "I think what would help right now to lighten your mood a bit is a special lesson with Professor McGonagall. We were discussing over coffee one morning that it would be helpful for you all to master the art of transfiguring someone into an animal form. It may well help to protect you and the others."

Harry made a face. "We couldn't even transform a footstool last time. Well, except for Hermione, of course."

Lupin smiled. "It will take time but with accelerated lessons it can happen sooner. We are planning on holding a class this week." Then his face grew serious. "There was a death eater attack in London this morning, three Muggles were killed."

"What? I hadn't heard."

"It will be in the Daily Prophet tomorrow. Voldemort's ranks are growing stronger and they are becoming more bold," Lupin stated sadly.

"Then I should stop taking the potion and go after them!"

"And curse them all?"

Harry looked tired and worn. "If that's what it takes."

"Can you kill people Harry? Even if they are Death Eaters they are still people, some of them cruel and malicious, others just misguided, and others yet brainwashed into thinking killing those different than them will keep their belief system safe."

Harry stayed quiet. He thought of Cedric and Sirius, Padma and Colin they all died because of the Death Eaters. It was hard to think of their murderers with anything other than hatred.

Hoping that he had given Harry something to think about Lupin sighed and said quietly, "let's go back; it is almost time for dinner."

Distracted by his thoughts, Harry numbly followed him back to Hogwarts.

* * *

Madam Pomfrey came over and wordlessly undid the restraint. Scowling, he rubbed his wrist.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked.

"Yes," Draco replied sulkily.

She pulled the blanket down to gently probe his stomach and he inhaled sharply.

"Still a little tender?"

He nodded curtly, gray eyes glaring.

She waved her wand down the length of his body. "I'm going to release you but I want you to take it easy for a few days. You're going to be a little sore and you still have this cold to get over. Because of the scarring on your lungs I don't want this cold getting worse, so no strenuous exertion, I don't want any coughing attacks. If I give you another dose of Pepper Up can I trust you to not take anything harmful with it?"

Embarrassed, he broke eye contact but nodded.

She brought him the potion. "I'm only trying to make you feel better!"

He glanced up at her. "I know," he acknowledged grudgingly.

Her seriousness disappeared for a rare moment and she patted his shoulder. As she left, drawing the curtains around him. He quickly changed and had just pulled the curtain aside when Dumbledore entered. He froze.

"I just heard what happened, how are you feeling?"

With his heart beating rapidly he mumbled, "okay."

"I'm assuming Professor Snape has spoken to you about your actions?"

Startled, Draco misunderstood the headmaster's words and stammered, "you approve? But I thought you were the one who banned it from Hogwarts."

The twinkle vanished from the headmaster's eyes. He calmly asked, "banned what?"

Confused, Draco swallowed. He wasn't sure if should say anything, it might make Snape even more furious. He glanced nervously into Dumbledore's light blue eyes. Apparently, the headmaster didn't know what Snape had threatened. With a dry voice he said, "caning."

Dumbledore frowned. "We do not cane students at Hogwarts."

Draco nodded, relieved that the headmaster hadn't condoned this. With that realization, however, anger swelled in him over Snape's words. There was no way he would let him cane him. He suspected that McGonagall was right and Snape hadn't really meant it, but just in case there was any chance, he spat out angrily, "perhaps you should make sure Professor Snape knows this."

Dumbledore's eyes widened but his tone was calm and steady. "Professor Snape hit you?"

"No, but he threatened to."

"I see." He looked contemplative. "As your Head of House and as your guardian, Professor Snape has a right to punish you as he sees fit. However, it is my belief that his threat was uttered in a moment of anger not in sincerity."

Dumbledore watched as some of the tenseness left Draco.

"I'd like to speak with you for a moment. Would you consider joining me for a cup of tea? Or is your stomach not up for it yet?"

He nodded. "Actually I'm a bit hungry."

Dumbledore smiled, and the twinkle reentered his blue eyes. "Good, let's go to my office."

As they walked towards his office, they passed Hermione toting a large load of books. It was obvious she had just come from the library.

With his throat tight, Draco spoke up, "I'm sorry about before."

Her eyes glared angrily and she haughtily raised her chin. "You mean about once again calling me a filthy mudblood and saying that you don't want something like me anywhere near you? Don't worry Malfoy, the farther away you are from me the better!" She stormed off.

With his heart beating erratically, he turned back towards the headmaster only to find his intense light blue eyes sternly focused on him. "Is this why Professor Snape threatened a caning?"

Draco felt the blood drain out of his face under the headmaster's piercing scrutiny. He stammered quietly, "n-no."

"Then, as headmaster I will assign your punishment for this. You will for the following week, be responsible for feeding, brushing and cleaning the litter box of Hermione's cat, Crookshanks. For one week, you will have special permission to enter the Gryffindor dorm. I trust you will be on your best behaviour. If I hear otherwise, we will talk again."

Draco felt the anger rise in him. How could he have been so stupid to say something to Hermione in front of Dumbledore?

"Do we understand each other?" Dumbledore asked, observing him.

"Yes sir," he responded, seething.

They entered his office and the headmaster motioned for him to sit down as he poured him a cup of tea that had immediately surfaced on his desk. He also handed him a small plate of sandwiches.

"First of all, I want to commend you for controlling your temper after Harry cursed you. I can imagine that it was a very difficult and confusing situation. I appreciate you not adding to Harry's anxiety over it. I am concerned, however, over your recent actions, I trust you and Professor Snape will discuss these in detail and you will not repeat anything so foolish?"

He looked baleful as he nodded while eating the sandwiches.

"Good. You need to understand, Draco. We care about you and hearing that you took Pepper Up and then drank Firewhisky was very unsettling. Can I assume you did not do this purposely?"

He shook his head. "It was just a stupid accident," he murmured.

"Then I will move on to what I called you in here for. As you know, Harry did not curse you on purpose; he has no control over this power. We suspect it is something inherited from when Voldemort cursed him as a baby."

He suppressed the smile that threatened to surface at Draco's obvious flinch at using Voldemort's name. "In order to control this, Harry is taking a potion brewed by a top notch healer at St. Mungo's. The unfortunate side effect of this is an extreme bout of nausea if Harry is angered. Since you normally gain enjoyment out of harassing and angering others, I ask a favour of you. Mind your words and your actions and do not provoke Harry. Can I count on you to do this?" Dumbledore's voice was calm and steady but Draco sensed an underlying threat if he were to defy him.

"I won't say anything," he promised quietly.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled again as he sat back in his chair. "Now, it is my understanding that a woman angered can be won back with an honest apology, an explanation, and perhaps a large bouquet."

Draco's eyes widened. "I, I, we're just friends, I," He stuttered desperately, trying to think of something to say.

The headmaster only smiled softly and held up his hand to shush his words. "No need to explain, I was only offering a suggestion, if it does not apply, just disregard it."

He nodded again feeling heat rise to his face.

"Sir, can I go now."

"Yes, yes by all means."

As he quickly got up and headed for the door, the headmaster added, "since you will be in Hermione's room for your detention every day this week, it would be a good opportunity to mend the relationship."

He glanced back at him but Dumbledore only waved him away.

With a sigh of relief he made his way to his room in Slytherin.

* * *

The following morning brought pouring rain as a number of 6th and 7th years prepared for a school trip to St. Mungo's. It was part of Professor Weasley's lesson on healing herbs and their various uses. Professors Snape, Lupin, and Tonks joined her to supervise the students. They flooed from their common rooms and arrived in the lobby of St. Mungo's. A kindly nurse welcomed them and started the tour. Harry breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn't needed to stay there. He, Ron and Hermione followed Mrs. Weasley and the others as they went into the prescription room. Hermione explicitly made a point to avoid Draco; she could intermittently feel the Slytherin's eyes on her.

Snape, too, kept his distance from Draco as his anger hadn't abated overnight. He thought it best to postpone the conversation until after the trip. He noted Draco glancing his way every so often with wary trepidation.  
He also noticed with relief that Harry seemed a little more relaxed than he had been at the chalet. Perhaps he was mastering his anger more efficiently. He was still determined to find an alternate potion for him, though.

Hermione and Neville were engrossed with the various herbs used for healing. Ron and Harry reluctantly took notes as Mrs. Weasley explained the benefits of the Annisa plant to patients with memory loss. Harry wondered if Lockhart was taking that herb. She moved on to talk about the leaves of the Coogy shrub when suddenly there was a loud scream and with horror they turned to find Death Eaters apparated into the room until there were 13 in total. More students screamed, others ran for the doors, the members of the DA class immediately pulled out and raised their wands and shouts of _Stupefy_ among others charms and hexes echoed across the room. Lupin grabbed as many students as possible and ushered them out of the room to run for the nearest floo.

Suddenly, like a winter breeze under a drafty door, the cold crept in. Harry realized Dementors were near, and more screams were heard when the first one appeared three feet to his right. He shouted, "_Expectro Patronum_!" His silvery stag wavered slightly but headed straight at the Dementor. Draco, following Harry's lead, raised his wand and soon his silvery raven joined in chasing off another Dementor, but more kept coming, weakening the students and professors holding them off. As Harry grew lightheaded, Cho's voice screamed, "Harry look out!" He turned to see the cold gray eyes of a Death Eater with wand pointed at him.

"_Stupefy_!" Cho yelled and Lucius Malfoy froze.

Just then a voice that Harry cringed to hear spoke out, "Wee Potter, we meet again, this time no godfather is here to protect you!"

Fury blinded him as he turned to his godfather's killer fighting the intense nausea welling up in him. He shakily held his wand, trying to unclench his teeth so he could utter the fatal words. She watched his struggle and smiled brutally. She turned her wand away from him shouting, "_Avada Kedavra_!" so fast no one had time to react. Harry watched, horrified, as Cho fell to the ground, as if in slow motion. His breath caught in his throat; it was as if time had screeched to a halt. He stared at Cho - she was motionless, her dark hair spread around her like a fan. He turned back to her killer.

Shaking uncontrollably, a cold sweat coating his skin, Harry worded the killing voice in his head as he focused on Bellatrix. Snape jumped out, pulling him aside, as suddenly a bolt of orange light came from another Death Eater. Hexes and curses flew and soon doctors like Dominic and nurses and Hospital security joined in the fight. Lucius, after one of his fellow Death Eaters freed him from the stunning hex, lifted his wand at Harry but Tonks pulled out her wand, shouting "_Expelliarmus_" and he went flying. Suddenly, as if summoned, the Death Eaters and the Dementors disappeared as quickly as they had come.

Snape held Harry tightly and whispered, "breathe!" into his ear as the terrible nausea coursed through him, immobilizing him.  
As soon as he gained some semblance of control, he pulled himself out of Snape's arms and made his way over to Cho. Ron and Hermione were bent down beside her. Hermione's eyes shimmered with tears. "Oh Harry, I'm, I'm so sorry."

The professors were quickly working to get the traumatized students back to Hogwarts. Harry knelt down beside Cho. Hesitantly, he lifted a strand of her silky black hair. His chest felt tight, his head hurt, and he felt very dizzy. Draco stood trembling beside them, his face white, his eyes huge. He stared down at Cho.

"Come, Harry dear, Ron, Hermione quickly." Mrs. Weasley commanded.

"NO! I'm staying with her!" Harry shouted, his voice tight.

"We will bring her back to Hogwarts, you can say your goodbye to her then. I promise." Mrs. Weasley assured in a choked voice.

She held him tightly for a moment and then ushered him and the others over to the floo. Harry's throat was strangled, his stomach tender and his eyes wet. He was shaking. Cho was dead. He had not been able to save her, even though in that instant he had focused on Bellatrix and felt intense hatred yet nothing had happened … no curse. Another death to haunt his dreams. She was with Cedric now. His eyes filled with tears and he squeezed them shut willing them away; he took small, quick breaths to gain control again. His crush on Cho had ended long ago, but seeing her get hit by the green light - the surprise in her eyes - made his heart ache. As soon as they were back at Hogwarts, he found himself walking into something solid that he realized was Lupin.

* * *

Draco's eyes had widened as he recognized Aunt Bellatrix. Her eyes narrowed as she raised her wand and uttered Avada Kedavra. His breath caught in his throat as the green light traveled in his direction. It, however, didn't hit him. Cho Chang, who had been standing beside him, fell with a thud, her blank eyes holding a slightly surprised look. Draco was shaking and bile rose in his throat. He had never seen the killing curse first hand. It was obvious it was Harry she had wanted to torture.

He stood transfixed, staring at Chang's blank open eyes. After the curse, he had heard screams and cries around him, but in his mind all he saw was the steel gray eyes of his father behind the Death Eater's mask. He winced. He trembled when someone gripped his shoulders. "Come Draco," came Snape's strained voice. Trusting the voice, he turned and let himself be led to the fireplace. He found himself in Snape's rooms and was then enveloped in Snape's robes as the potions master wrapped it around his shivering ward. He led him to the sofa and Draco obediently sat down. He didn't lift his head, not wanting to meet his guardian's eyes. Snape stood awkwardly. He, too, had seen Lucius and was fairly certain that Draco had also. Then, when Draco's insane aunt hurled the killing curse in his ward's direction, his heart had almost stopped. He was shocked that Miss Chang had been hit, but he was infinitesimally relieved that Draco had been left standing. He couldn't begin to imagine what was going through the boy's head. He sat down beside him, placing his hand on his shoulder. As if lit on fire, Draco leapt up and out of reach. "I don't need you coddling me Snape! Chang wasn't MY ex-girlfriend!"

"I realize that, but it must have been quite the shock to have someone die right beside you," he said softly and then added, "don't you think it's time you called me Severus instead of Snape all the time?"

Draco's heart was beating so fast he felt dizzy. He shrugged. "Fine, Severus." He took a deep breath. "I'm the son of a Death Eater remember, I've heard about the Avada Kedavra curse all of my life, I'm fine."

"Still, hearing about it and seeing it are two different issues. That, and seeing your father for the first time since…" his voice trailed off.

"I'm fine, can I go now?" He stood impatiently by the door, his eyes wild, his face pale.

"If you want to you can but we will talk soon."

He threw him a resentful look and opened the door.

"One more thing. About yesterday, I am sorry for threatening to cane you. I would never do that," Snape said sincerely.

Draco's chin tilted up defiantly. "Good, because you're not my father! I, I wouldn't have let you," he said childishly. With that, he quickly left the office. Snape realized he needed to have a lengthy talk with his ward soon.

* * *

Harry suddenly collapsed to his knees, a cold sweat broke out on his body, and the overwhelming feeling of nausea threatened to overpower him. Lupin, lifted him to his feet and he was dragged down the hallway. When he was finally able to open his eyes again, he found himself sitting on the edge of a bed with a blanket around him.

"I'm so sorry we couldn't save her," came Lupin's soft tones.

Harry's green eyes were full of agony, he opened his mouth to respond but couldn't. He looked away, taking a deep, shaky breath.

"If I wasn't on this stupid potion, maybe I could have stopped her. I could have!" his choked voice trailed off.

Lupin stayed silent. His head hung wearily as he stared at the floor, and when he finally responded it was in a quiet, sad voice. "I don't know what to tell you, Harry. Perhaps you are right; perhaps you could have stopped her, perhaps it would have missed and killed a student instead. We will never know. It is something you can't blame yourself for. Any one of us could have immobilized Bellatrix if we weren't busy dealing with other Death Eaters."

"But she killed Sirius! You of all people should have looked for her! I couldn't stop her and now she's killed Cho!" Harry yelled at him, his eyes were wild with grief.

Lupin looked up, his eyes full of guilt. "You are right, Harry."

Hearing Lupin agree with him didn't make him feel any better. In fact, seeing the sadness in his father's friends eyes made him feel awful. He quickly looked away from him, staring at the opposite wall.

"It all happened so fast: the Dementors, the Death Eaters, and suddenly your friend was dead." His voice was hollow full of regret and sorrow.

"I'm sorry," Harry said in barely a whisper. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known what she planned."

"She could have killed you, Harry."

He gave a hollow laugh. "No, none of them will kill me because Voldemort would want me saved for himself."

Lupin felt sick; James' son was suffering so much and he could do nothing to stop it. "Harry..."

"NO! I don't want your pity!"

"Have I ever said that I pity you? Harry, I admire you! You are much stronger and more courageous than I ever will be or have ever been."

The last thing he wanted to hear was how brave he was. He felt useless and right now all he wanted to do was be alone. A knock came on the door and Dumbledore entered.

"Harry, are you all right?"

He shrugged and stared out the window. The headmaster and Lupin exchanged a look. Lupin, with one more concerned glance at Harry's back, left the room.

When he heard the door softly close, he turned then glanced at the headmaster.

"I am sorry about Cho. She was an excellent student and I know you were close for a brief while last year," Dumbledore said quietly.

Harry remained quiet. He hadn't thought about Cho this entire school year, yet she had protected him and, once again another person trying to help him had died. The girl who gave him his first kiss. His heart leapt painfully. He didn't realize the headmaster had moved closer to him until he felt his hand on his shoulder. He tore away roughly. He didn't want to be comforted, he didn't deserve to be.

"I know this is painful."

"Yeah, it is painful but I'm getting used to it!" he snarled.

The sympathy in the headmaster's eyes made his chest tighten and he found himself blinking rapidly as he turned once again towards the window.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Dumbledore asked patiently.

"Let me stop taking this potion! It's your fault that she died! I could have stopped Bellatrix if you had let me like I asked, and it's the potion that stopped me!"

"You cannot control this dark power, Harry, and I don't want you using it. I think…"

"You'd rather have everyone around me die while I puke out my guts fighting this stupid useless potion! Is that what you want?" He shouted angrily, then almost as predicted he winced, doubled over and was sick.

The headmaster waved his wand and then stepped towards Harry who was taking deep breaths.

He swallowed heavily then took another deep breath. "I want to see her." He felt sick thinking that Dumbledore would deny him his request thinking that he wouldn't be able to handle it.

After a moments silence, the headmaster replied. "Of course. Would you like someone with you, or do you prefer to be alone with her."

"Alone." He managed to choke out.

"I will arrange it."

Harry released a long, pent up sigh and turned to the headmaster. "Thank you".

Dumbledore nodded and this time Harry didn't move away when he reached out and briefly laid his hand on his shoulder.

* * *

(**Next Chapter** "_shadows of the night_": Cupid aka Crookshanks, a dragon in a Gryffindor's bed, a final goodbye, Harry wakes up to a midnight angel)

**A/N #2:** _For those of you eager for the Harry/Draco capture by death eaters, patience my sweets, it will likely start in approx. 2 more chapters. _

**Author is starving and feeling shaky as the Easter chocolate is all gone, please feed author with reviews in lieu of chocolate**.


	20. Shadows of the Night

**A/N:** _Hope you like this chapter, Draco was being a sweetie and did everything I asked him too but for the second chapter in a row Harry was being very difficult and put up quite a fight until the end, he seemed to be a little more agreeable then.._

HUGE THANKS to all my reviewers (bunny, MerlinHalliwell, lyss33, snapefan51, Droxy, theLastBLACK17, Catmint, XxRanCrawfordxX, chipschallenge, lucidity, Staporize, Rosaleen, supernova8610, starangel2106, ERMonkey Burner of Cookies, HPfreakout, Melindaleo, excessivelyperky, rosiegirl, xjustagirlx, lanfear1, Arafel2, IcyPanther, Caro, ariverrunsthroughphoenix, hpets, greenmountain)

Big thank you, as always, to my beta Staporize

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 20: shadows of the night**

Harry felt cold and clammy as he went to the special room adjoining the hospital wing. His heart was racing like train and his limbs seemed to seize up as he reached for the door handle.

Madam Pomfrey threw him a teary look. He knew it must be excruciatingly hard for the healer to not be able to heal. Cho was lying on a bed; she was as white as the sheets. He hesitantly went

over to her. Her eyes were closed now and he wondered hazily if Pomfrey had been the one to do it. Her long black hair was spread around her pretty face. He hesitantly reached out to touch a silky strand. Then he took her hand in his; she was cool to the touch. He marveled in almost a detached state of mind how incredibly limp her body was. He sat down on the chair next to her.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I could have stopped her. I don't know when this will finally end and how many more innocent people have to die. I wish I wasn't the one that was in the middle of this, I wish it had been Neville that he had chosen," Harry confessed softly.

"I wish I could have been who you were looking for. I guess I just didn't understand how you felt about Cedric. I felt so guilty about his death I didn't want to talk about him." He swallowed heavily. "When Sirius died, I think I understood a little more how you felt."

He sat in silence for a few moments, remembering all the times she had made his heart race, he remembered the kiss, he remembered her presence in the DA. "Thank you for always believing in me and for being on my side. I wish this hadn't happened. I'm sorry, Cho."

Aside from those moments when he had grabbed Cedric's body and taken him back with him, he hadn't had never really seen someone lifeless. Sirius' body had fallen through the veil and his parents were long lost to him. Aside from being very pale, Cho just looked like she was sleeping. The idea that her life force, her spirit, was no longer, that was gut wrenching. After another bout of silence, he whispered, "Say hi to Sirius and my parents for me." Then he stood up and touched her hair one more time, said, "Goodbye, Cho," and headed out the door.

Mrs. Weasley stood there red eyed. He smiled softly at her, somehow not surprised to see her there. Without a word she enveloped in a tight hug. He bit his lip hard trying to keep his emotions in check, but it was hard within the warm, comforting arms of the closest thing to

a mother he had ever known.

After a few minutes, she released him. "I want you to get a bite to eat and then take this and go to bed. It's been a very upsetting day."

He nodded as she patted his cheek and handed him a vial of calming potion.

He dreaded going up to Gryffindor. He didn't want to talk about any of this, and he definitely didn't want to eat anything. He headed up the stairs to the tower. A group of Gryffindors were gathered in the common room and they all fell silent when he entered.

Ginny was the first to speak up: "Harry, are you all right?" Her eyes looked as worried as her mother's.

He mumbled, "Fine, I'm just tired and I'm going to bed."

Ginny's heart beat uncomfortably. His eyes looked hollow and she knew he was anything but fine.

Ron, Neville and Hermione quickly followed him up, but he turned on them and in a dead voice asked them to leave them to leave him be for tonight. Reluctantly, they headed back down.

With great reluctance, Draco headed for the Gryffindor dorm. He stood staring apprehensively at the fat lady who bellowed, "Password!"

"I don't have one," he snarled. "Professor Dumbledore told me to come here."

She smiled evilly. "Oh yes, you're that Slytherin here for punishment. How delightful."

Seamus, who had just exited, laughed out loud. "Have fun, Malfoy!"

His eyes narrowed and he glared icily. "Sod off!"

"Mind your language you Slytherin prat!" the fat lady spat.

"You keep your mouth shut or..." Draco was interrupted.

"Enough of that, Mr. Malfoy. You are here as punishment. Let's not add to it by insulting the portrait."

He cooled his temper as McGonagall led him through the opening.

He felt his face flushing as every eye in the common room turned towards him.

"Mr. Malfoy is here to do a job. I expect you all to treat him well or you will end up joining him," she spoke sternly.

She led him up the stairs to the girl's dormitory and showed him Crookshanks' litter box, which he could have found on his own just by the smell emanating from it. He wrinkled his nose and stood there with such a disgusted look on his face that Minerva couldn't suppress the laugh that bubbled up. He grimaced at her reaction.

Chuckling, she said, "The headmaster is very creative with his punishments – it would be wise not to anger him in the future."

"Yeah, I get that now." Draco sighed and turned to her with pleading eyes. "Is there anyway I can get out of this?"

"I'm afraid not, and I do expect you to do a thorough job," she replied, wrinkling her nose. "You have my sympathies."

He snorted. Holding his breath, he bent down and picked up a plastic bag and a scoop and proceeded to clean out the well used box.

Minutes after Malfoy had gone up, Hermione, Neville and Ron came down from the boy's dormitory.

Ginny cornered Hermione. "Did he say anything? How is he?"

"He didn't want us to stay; he just wants to be alone," she replied, clearly discouraged.

Ginny looked sad, then whispered to her, "Malfoy is in your room taking care of Crookshanks like McGonagall told us he would."

Hermione's eyes flashed. "I better make sure he doesn't hurt him. If he lays on finger on my cat, I swear I'll do what Moody did and transfigure him into a ferret and bounce him down all the stairs!" she threatened angrily.

Ginny grinned gently.

Crookshanks rubbed up against Draco while he was cleaning. "Oh right, you like me don't you, you flat faced smelly beast." He paused to rub the cat's chin.

Hermione came in and glared unforgivingly at him.

"Came to check on me to make sure I wasn't harming your beloved hairball?" he asked snidely.

"Of course, since I can't trust you to act like a decent human being," she spat at him and turned away to busy herself in her books.

He turned from her to suppress the anger rising in him. He snatched a can of food and, with a wave of his wand, opened it. The cat wound around his legs as he opened it and put the contents on a plate. He glanced up at Hermione, but she had her back to him.

When the cat finished eating, he reluctantly picked up the brush and started combing the matted creature.

The cat purred contentedly until suddenly Draco hit a snag. The big, scruffy red cat hissed and swiped at his hand, drawing blood.

"Ouch!" he shrieked as he scrambled back against the wall.

"Bad Crookshanks!" Hermione scolded as she saw the blood. She reluctantly added, "Sorry, he didn't mean that."

Draco brooded for a moment. "It's okay, I know how he feels, doing or saying something you don't mean," Draco replied pointedly.

She grimaced at his obvious attempt to gain forgiveness. "Scratching someone because they hurt you and continually hurting someone because you're just plain cruel is not the same thing!"

Draco sneered. "Maybe you just need to get off your high horse and stop being so judgmental."

"ME? Me judgmental? That sounds great coming from some bigoted pureblood who runs around insulting muggleborns and everyone else he considers beneath him!" Hermione shrieked.

Anger rose in Draco as he scrambled to his feet. "I apologized, but I guess you're just too full of yourself to accept it." His words came out breathlessly.

"Why should I? It's not the first time and, knowing you, it won't be the last. Cruelty is obvious in your blood. I noticed Lucius there today and your aunt has once again killed someone Harry cared about. Proud of your pure blooded family Malfoy?" She regretted the words seconds after they left her mouth and even more so once she saw the shocked expression on his face.

"Yeah it was great seeing my father and watching my aunt kill a girl I played Quidditch with. I sooo enjoyed it Granger." His voice was strained and his eyes registered pain at her words. He started coughing.

"Are you okay?" she asked stiffly.

In between coughs, he choked out, "Just great." He was bent over, coughing so hard he could hardly catch a breath in between.

Ginny came in and saw as Hermione went over to the coughing Slytherin. She quickly got him a cup of water. "Here."

He took a few swallows. His face was flushed. Concerned, Hermione felt his forehead – it was quite warm. "You're sick, you should lie down," she suggested.

"It's just a cold," he responded.

"Come on, Hermione, let's bring him over to your bed." Ginny took charge. Together they got him over to the bed. He had finally stopped coughing and sat down wearily.

"Lie down for a bit, Draco, until you catch your breath. You should get your hand looked at, too," Ginny ordered.

"No! It's just a scratch" he responded, his voice rough from coughing.

"Hermione, stay with him. I'm going to get Neville. He'll know what herb to put on it to keep it from getting infected," Ginny suggested.

Hermione awkwardly pulled back the comforter and beckoned him to lie down on the sheets. He would have refused, but his chest hurt from his coughing fit. He removed his shoes and slid under the blanket. He looked up at her, his gray eyes reflecting regret. "I am sorry and I do mean it."

She bit her lip, trying to fight the urge to accept his apology. She gave up sighing heavily. "I'm sorry for what I said, too. I didn't mean to upset you like this," she responded gently.

Ginny came back and, for a second, watched silently as Hermione and Draco stared at each other. Her forehead furrowed as she studied the two of them. Neville, clearing his throat behind her, snapped her out of her deep thought.

He hesitantly went over to Draco, who regarded him with a sneer. "What do you want, Longbottom?" he asked. His voice was still sounding raspy.

"He's here to heal the scratch as soon as you stop being such an arrogant git!" Ginny snapped coldly.

His eyes narrowed and he was about to retort when Hermione spoke up. "Thanks Neville." She grabbed Draco's bleeding hand and held it out for Neville to treat. He put a leaf on it and then sealed it in place with a bandage.

"That should help heal it," he stammered nervously.

"Glad we have you around, Neville," Ginny thanked him.

Hermione smiled. "You're even better at this than I am."

Neville, obviously embarrassed, made a hasty exit.

"It wouldn't have killed you to say thank you, Malfoy!" Ginny chided him.

He glared at her but didn't respond, fearing he might have another coughing attack if he got into a fight with her.

"I'm going to get a hot cup of tea to help your throat. I'll be right back," Hermione said.

He responded gratefully, "Thanks."

He lay back on the pillow staring at the ceiling. His eyelids felt heavy and he was relieved this miserable day was almost over.

When Hermione came back, she was shocked to see that Draco had fallen asleep in her bed. She placed the tea on the nightstand and stared at him for a moment, wondering if she should wake him so he could go to his own dorm. He looked so peaceful, young, and vulnerable in sleep that instead of waking him she gently tucked the blanket around him. She was still angry with

him, but knowing how seeing his father must have felt made her anger ebb away a little.

She pulled the curtains around the bed and then stood quietly again, studying him. Was Ginny right? Did she have feelings for him? She went over to the other side of the bed and crawled under the covers, being extra careful not to touch him. Hesitating, she put a silencing charm around the curtains in case he woke up coughing.

Much later, Hermione was awakened by Draco thrashing around. His breathing was fast and laboured.

She grabbed his shoulder, shaking him softly. "Wake up." At the same time, she grabbed her wand and whispered, "_Lumos._"

He sat up with a gasp and looked around frantically before focusing on her. He whispered, "Hermione?"

"It's okay, you must have had a bad dream." Then she added, "You fell asleep in my bed; I didn't want to wake you."

"My father…"¨ He stopped.

"You dreamt about him?"

He took a deep breath. "He grabbed me and threw me into a cell and Chang was there and then she died right beside me."

She realized that he was referring to Cho. Despite being a Death Eater's son, he seemed shocked by the day's events as much as the rest of them.

"She was a fairly decent seeker and captain of the Ravenclaw team and … and a pureblood," Draco spoke, his eyes rather vacant.

She reached over and laid her hand on his arm, softly stroking him. "It's a war, Draco, people die. It's late, try and get some sleep."

As if suddenly realizing where he was he sat up again. "I can't stay here in your bed."

"Shhh, it's okay. I put a silencing charm around the bed. Just go back to sleep."

He lay down again, stunned into silence by the idea she was letting him sleep in bed with her. Her hand was still on his arm. He turned towards her, her eyes were already closed and he could hear her soft breaths. His body reacted to her nearness and, blushing slightly, he turned away from her, taking some deep breaths.

Later that night, when it was close to midnight, Ginny snuck up into the boy's dormitory. She had gotten the idea after watching Hermione and Malfoy. She just wanted to make sure Harry was okay. She had a strong gut feeling that he shouldn't be alone. Soft snores greeted her, and she realized they were coming from Ron. Neville was softly muttering to himself about various potions ingredients. The curtains were drawn around Harry's bed and she quietly found the opening with the lighted tip of her wand. She slipped inside. He was lying on his back, his black hair as tousled as ever. She was suddenly hit by a bout of panic. She knew she wasn't supposed to be here. What if Harry woke up and found her? He turned on his side towards her. He seemed

restless. She cautiously sat on the edge of the bed when he suddenly jerked upright, grabbing her arms roughly. She gasped, "Harry, it's just me."

He was breathing rapidly. "Ginny?" he whispered.

"Yes, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, but I wanted to see if you were all right."

He released her. "Sorry I was dreaming about… about what happened today and Bellatrix and suddenly there was just someone there in front of me. I didn't realize it was you."

"I shouldn't have snuck in. I just thought that maybe after what happened today you might need someone to check on you."

He replied annoyed, "I'm not a little kid, Ginny."

"I didn't say you were and even though I wasn't there, what happened today must have been awful. I've been hearing from everyone there how shocking it was. People are really shaken. Even Ron has been wandering around with a shell-shocked look, like he's just being hexed or something. And you, well she was your girlfriend last year after all."

"Just for a very short while, and it didn't turn out," He admitted grudgingly.

"But you obviously had feelings for her and you haven't dated anyone seriously since, unless you and Hermione..." her voice trailed off.

"With all the stuff going on, do you really think dating is at the top of my list?" He whispered furiously.

"Well, brooding obviously isn't helping!" she whispered back.

He sighed and lay back.

"Sorry, Harry. I'd wanted to make you feel better, not worse," She admitted sadly.

He shook his head. "It's okay, I know you're just trying to help – thanks."

He noticed she was shivering. "Here, just wrap the blanket around yourself."

Much to his surprise and shock, she misunderstood and slipped under the blanket beside him.

"Thanks, I was a little chilly."

Harry found his heart racing because of her nearness. His throat suddenly felt very dry.

She turned to face him. "Where were you? Everyone came back at least 30 minutes ago. Were you in Dumbledore's office?"

"No, I said goodbye to Cho."

Ginny's heart clenched. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything, just looked into his sad, green eyes. He blinked, breaking the eye contact. The sympathy in her eyes was overwhelming. Her hand on his shoulder felt good and for once he realized he didn't want to be alone. He lifted his gaze to her again. She smiled softly and moved a little closer, hugging him lightly, her head nestled under his chin. His arm automatically went around her as found strength in her comfort. Her hair smelled like nutmeg, warm and soothing. He sighed contentedly as he found himself drifting away on the warmth.

**A/N#2:** _Chapter 21: The aftermath: Harry and Draco take cold showers, Snape and Tonks grow closer._


	21. she's a mystery

**A/N: **_First of all, I'm sooooo sorry I'm late, but my muse was missing and it was agonizing to write. I know what's coming up, so it was very hard to focus on the present scenes leading up to the capture._

_Hmmm… spring is in the air and I seem to be rather 'mushy'. So before the heart stopping angst begins, I decided to do a more fun chapter. I was digging through some old tapes (and blushing) and I came across one an old boyfriend had put together for me. One of the songs it contained was "She's a Mystery to Me," sung by the late Roy Orbison, and he (my boyfriend not Roy Orbison) said it reminded him of me…I have dark eyes and I guess I was a mystery to him. Since all three of the heroines (Hermione, Ginny and Tonks) have dark eyes, it just seemed to inspire this chapter. I've always thought it to be a beautiful, haunting song, and I had thought Roy Orbison had written it. Much to my surprise, it was one of my favourite all time groups: U2…I should have known._

_HUGE THANKS to all my reviewers and a big welcome to the new ones! (TwinLady, Winternightfall, obsidian blade, Sari5156, Icy Panther, Ariverruns throughphoenix, LolA JuNe, excessivelyperky, DarkGhoul, UT Brat, Chips Challenge, Catmint, 1)ark/-)ngel, Moldanubikum, Anglachel, Becky, Droxy, Lyss33, Bunny Supernova, Wollyangel, Starangel2106, Lucidity, Melindaleo, Tamyka)_

_Big thank you, as always, to my beta Staporize, she works fast, gives great feedback and puts up with my disorganized lateness._

_**Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR**_

**Chapter 21: She's a Mystery**

Draco slowly awakened. He felt warm and languid. Once consciousness returned in full force, he remembered where he was and realized that Hermione was pressed up against his back, one of her legs between his, and her arm flung across his hips, dangling dangerously close to a part of his anatomy that was apparently delighted by her nearness. As his breathing suddenly becoming laboured, he carefully and painfully rolled partly onto his stomach. His movement apparently woke her up, as he heard a muffled screech. "It's almost morning! You have to get out of here!" Her voice was filled with panic as she pulled the covers off him.

Too embarrassed to move, Draco replied in a slightly higher than normal voice, "I'm sleeping, leave me alone."

SMACK

He leapt off the bed, one hand rubbing his behind where her hand had just made contact and the other grabbing his robe to hold in front of him.

"WHY. HOW. YOU…" He snarled incoherently.

She grinned in amusement. "What's wrong? Crookshanks got your tongue?" Then, getting up, she continued, "That felt good. I've been wanting to do that for a long time."

His eyes narrowed as he replied, "Can't keep your hands of my sexy arse?"

She snorted back laughter. "You wish."

He stared at her pajamas, his gray eyes wide with puzzlement. He shook his head, trying to rationalize why he was turned on by a mudblood wearing light gray pajamas covered in purple cats wearing purple boots holding purple umbrellas. It defied logic. Yet, despite the silly nightwear, the pajamas outlined her curves in all the right places.

Her dark eyes looked worried.

"Are you all right? You seem flushed."

"Er, no. I'm actually cold." He quickly threw his robe on, hating that his voice seemed an octave higher than usual. He tried gallantly to smirk or sneer, but only managed a pained combination of the two.

"You really don't look well," she whispered as she went over to him, putting her hand on his forehead. He inhaled sharply and swallowed heavily. "You feel okay." She peeked outside of the curtains. "Okay, come on. The coast is clear."

In a hurry to get away from her, he bolted towards the stairs when she hissed, "Wait, there could be people in the common room. I have to check first."

She grabbed his arm.

As she leaned over the staircase, his eyes seemed to stray to her pajama top and more particularly to her breasts. The first button had come undone, offering him a bit of cleavage.

"Did you hear me?" she whispered shrilly. "What are you looking at?"

Horrified, he felt his face heat up until she continued. "Oh, my purple cats. I know it's a bit silly really, but I kind of like them."

Draco was finally able to conjure up a smirk as he replied, "I like them, too."

Harry woke up to find himself draped over Ginny. Shocked at first, he was about to move away when the realization struck him that if felt really good. Well, good aside from the fact his heart was racing painfully and parts of his anatomy were reacting to the girl beneath him. He carefully moved a little away from her before things became too uncomfortable. She sighed and stretched out contentedly towards him. He shook his head. This was Ron's little sister, little Ginny. He gulped nervously. She wasn't a little girl anymore. Clearing his throat, he quietly said, "You have to wake up now... Shhhhh."

Her dark eyes opened, looking at him drowsily. She smiled sleepily then suddenly sat straight up. "Oh, this isn't a dream!" Her face flushed.

He grinned, startled – and flattered – by her words. He felt his face turn red to match hers. "Er… I guess we fell asleep."

She added, "Together."

"Er, yeah," he responded softly.

"Harry? Did you say something?" came Ron's sleepy voice. They both looked startled and wide-eyed and Harry threw the blanket over Ginny as she scooted down just at the moment when Ron opened the curtain. Ginny squirmed closer to him, her hip resting against a rather sensitive area. He gave a small yelp then quickly cleared his throat, grabbed a pillow, and threw it down on Ginny so her body under the covers wasn't so obvious.

"Did you sleep okay, no nightmares?" Ron asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, missing Ginny by only a few inches.

"No, um, I slept well."

"Are you sure? You look kind of feverish and your eyes are kind of glazed."

"Uh, I was just a little hot. Hey, I'm really hungry. Let's get to breakfast."

Ron laughed. "Slow down, mate. It's still quite early and I need to finish that essay for Potions before we go." He got up again and Harry heard him shuffling through the papers near his bed. Ginny giggled softly, obviously amused by the situation. Harry poked her and handed her his invisibility cloak with an amused grin.

Her eyes sparkled, her hair was disheveled, and she looked great. When had Ron's little sister grown up? She looked very appealing and Harry couldn't seem to stop staring at her.

Snape sat at the breakfast table, looking even more morose than usual. He had barely slept a wink. After all the years of being a Death Eater, he had thought himself hardened. The last Death Eater attack in Hogsmeade, when Colin and Padma had died, had been shocking, but Draco's near demise at the time had distracted him from thinking about it. This time, however, an immense guilt welled up. He had failed to save a Hogwarts student. If he hadn't let his emotions get in the way, he could have retained his friendship with Lucius and learned of the planned attack.

He thought back to the horrifying moment when Bellatrix had lifted his wand and aimed it in Draco's direction. He had frozen, unable to stop her.

"Morning, Severus." He looked up to find Tonks yawning into her hands; she looked tired enough for a nap right there at the table. When he didn't answer, she looked up to find herself under a dark-eyed scrutiny. His eyes looked very haunted and dark circles were evident.

"I take it you didn't sleep much last night?" she asked.

"No," he acknowledged, looking away.

"You couldn't have stopped it," she said softly.

He froze. Talking about how he was feeling and his doubts and insecurities was not something he ever felt comfortable doing.

The last person he had ever done that with to some degree was Lily Potter. He glanced back into Tonk's warm dark eyes. "It's okay," she said softly, as if reading his mind.

He stayed silent for a few more minutes. "If I had stayed in contact with Lucius, I would have known …" His voice drifted off.

"That's ridiculous. How could you have stayed in contact after he almost killed Draco?"

He slowly shook his head, his black hair falling into his face.

Tonks suddenly reached over and, with the softest of touches, swept his hair back. Her hand lingered on the side of his face for a moment.

His heart nearly stopped when she touched him so gently. His eyes met hers again.

She cleared her throat awkwardly and removed her hand, knocking over her cup of coffee in the process. He immediately pulled out a handkerchief and mopped it up.

She grinned. "Thanks. How's Draco? I haven't seen him yet this morning."

"He was understandably upset last night. Seeing Lucius again must have led to a sleepless night."

"Did you give him any potion?"

"I was going to, but he was in a very angry, defensive mood last night and practically tore out."

"Are you going to talk to him?" she asked.

"Of course. We have an Occlumency lesson this afternoon."

"I know it's probably very awkward for you to do so, but you need to reinforce that you care about him very much. Despite all his rebellious behaviours, he's quite insecure on how he fits in now," Tonks mused.

A soft smile formed on Snape's lips. "You have remarkable powers of observation."

"I'm an auror. I have to."

"I told him last night that it was long overdue for him to call me Severus. Maybe that will help him feel more secure."

She was thoughtful for a moment. "Do you think since you are his guardian now, that he might want to call you dad?"

He immediately shook his head. "I'm not his father, and he still has too many issues with Lucius to go to that step. I don't think he feels – or perhaps will ever feel – comfortable enough to do that."

"Perhaps," she acknowledged, "but there may be a point where he will. He's closer to you than you think. There's just too much other misleading emotion in the way."

"Misleading emotion?"

"You know: anger, jealousy, hurt."

Snape grew silent. He was very familiar with those emotions. He had tried to mechanically ignore them for years, but with Harry's arrival six years ago, many of those feelings again surfaced. Memories of Lily, hatred for James and his gang. Though he didn't like to admit it, it hurt that Lily had married James and had had a son with him, a son that looked so much like James. But Lily and James were long dead now, and thinking about all those years ago didn't change anything.

Tonks watched Snape. It was obvious her words had triggered something. Whether he was thinking about himself or Draco was a mystery.

He sighed heavily. He glanced at Tonks, whose dark eyes were full of sympathy.

She smiled softly.

"I think it might be beneficial if you were toalso kept an eye on Draco. Let him know that you…"

She raised an eyebrow and finished his thought: "Care about him."

He nodded curtly, clearing his throat. She bit her tongue. Talking about caring and loving was something the dark Potions Master was apparently a little uncomfortable with.

Draco hurried down the hallways to the prefect's bathroom; it was still early enough that no one would be using it. They hadn't changed the code, so he could still get in, but he knew if he got caught Filch would come up with the vilest of detentions.

The mermaid was still sleeping. The steamy bubble baths were of no interest to him this time. He headed straight to the far end to the showers and turned on the cold tap. He shrieked in shock as the icy water hit him. As unpleasant as it felt, his body started to calm down somewhat and thoughts of Hermione's warm body and her breasts started to fade as he shivered. His heart jumped into his throat when he heard the water from another shower going. He realized he wasn't alone.

After Ginny was safely out of the boy's dorm, Harry asked Ron from the password to the prefect's bath. Ron said he'd meet him there. He threw on his robe and hurried down the stairs. Ginny stood in the common room with Hermione. Both looked up startled to see him.

"I, er, good morning," he said awkwardly.

Ginny grinned mischievously and Hermione looked distracted. They both responded with a perfunctory response.

He rushed out the door and to the prefect's bath. He noted, with relief, that the mermaid was sleeping. He heard water and realized he wasn't alone. Should he risk it or head back to the crowded washrooms of the dorm? He quickly jumped in the shower stall furthest away from the sound of running water. The cold water gave him goose bumps and knocked away the memory of Ginny's body pressed up against him. He finished quickly and grabbed the towel that was hanging outside the stall. As he put on his glasses, he found himself looking into the startled gray eyes of Draco Malfoy.

The blond Slytherin sneered, "You aren't supposed to be in here."

Harry was about to think of an excuse when the realization hit him. "Neither are you!"

Their sparring was about to continue when they were interrupted by a giggle.

Shocked, they both turned to see the floating apparition.

"Myrtle!"

She giggled again. "Hi, Harry. I've missed seeing you." She giggled again. "But then again, I have seen a lot of you today."

Harry felt himself blushing.

"Who's your friend?"

"None of your business," Draco snarled.

Moaning Myrtle didn't like that response and flew down, ending up nose to nose with Draco. "How dare you tell me it's none of my business when you are in my territory. It's lonely here, you know. I have to drift through the pipes to find a little excitement!" With that, she flew right through him drawing a startled gasp from him.

"You nasty boy. You don't understand how boring my life is!" she shouted at him.

Draco looked stunned. "But you're dead - you don't have a life."

She promptly burst into tears and dove into the nearest toilet with a loud splash.

Draco stood mired to the spot, staring wordlessly at the toilet.

"That was Moaning Myrtle. She's a little sensitive."

Draco smirked. "Apparently so."

"So why are you here?" the dark-haired Gryffindor asked.

"I just wanted some privacy. What about you?"

"Same here. It's usually quite the mad house over in the Gryffindor washrooms."

"Same in Slytherin. I miss…" Draco grew quiet.

Harry didn't question him because he knew he must be referring to the fact he was no longer a prefect with special privileges.

While they got dressed, they discussed the upcoming Care of Magical Creatures test. Hagrid has warned them it would include questions on everything covered since the fall. As they left the washroom, Ron walked up. There was still some tension between Ron and Draco, but it was relaxed compared to what it once was.

They nodded at each other.

"Malfoy."

"Weasley."

Harry stopped to talk to Ron, saying, "See you later," to Draco.

Hagrid had the class for their written exam in one of the Hogwarts classrooms. The advanced class included students from all of the houses. Hermione was already seated when Draco entered. She carefully ignored him, as she usually did in class, but he couldn't stop throwing careful glances every so often in her direction. She was wearing a soft, yellow, long-sleeved T-shirt that brought out golden highlights in her hair. He found his heart speeding up then, annoyed with himself, he cleared his throat and focused on Pansy, who was sitting closely beside him.

Harry and Ron entered the classroom. Harry had found himself feeling a little uncomfortable. Ron would likely be rather upset if he knew his little sister had spent the night in his bed. He wondered how Ron would feel if he asked Ginny to the Beltane dance. He didn't have much more time to think about it after they entered the classroom.

Hagrid's test was remarkably hard, and for an hour and half the students wrote feverishly. When time was up, there were loud groans and it was obvious that most students could have used more time.

"I can't believe how long everyone took. I was finished half an hour ago," Hermione stated as they were leaving.

Another class was waiting at the door, a combined one of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw fifth years. Ginny and Harry found themselves grinning at each other rather foolishly as they passed. Suddenly, Harry felt someone grab his arm. Startled, he looked into the dreamy expression of Luna Lovegood. He noted with detachment that she had also gripped Draco's arm.

"Luna?" Harry asked when she just stood there almost frozen. Draco tried to pull away. Her breathing seemed to become rather laboured.

She closed her eyes and started to speak in a breathless voice: "Darkness, darkness descends and with it pain, pain beyond your worst nightmare. Don't run, they'll catch you." With a gasp, she suddenly stopped and looked at them calmly. "Have you heard that my father got a glimpse of a crumple nosed snorkack? He's going to describe his experience to the newspapers."

"Er, that's great Luna." Harry remarked as she let go of his arm.

Draco frowned, but before he could say something nasty, Hermione pushed him forward.

"What was she on about?" he snarled.

"Who knows," Hermione answered, but she threw a worried look at Harry.

He looked a little queasy. For a moment, the look in Luna's eyes before she closed them reminded him of Trelawney when she had made her prediction about Pettigrew rejoining Voldemort. A small shiver went up his back.

**A/N#2:** _I just found out that anyone who gets to watch "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" movie on TV next week will also get a sneak peak at "The Goblet of Fire"._

**Chapter 22: Occlumency class, an unforgivable, Draco runs-Harry follows into the Dark Forest, unwelcome visitors.**


	22. The calm before

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to two people, FANES (don't know if she is still reading this but way back during solstice she was musing about a plot and what Draco does in this chapter was sparked by her muse AND my beta Staporize who has started a story of her own(Harry/Snape centered), it's wonderful, do a search for Staporize in fan fiction and you will find her fic-"Running's not the same for everyone", after editing this chapter for me and upon my inquiries on whether Draco was dead in her fic, she totally made my day when she told me that she had originally thought him dead but then became a little attached to him in my fic and therefore couldn't kill him off in hers…I walked around with a big grin on my face all day and my muse has been happily flitting about ever since . HUGE THANKS to all my reviewers and a big welcome to the new ones! (Kristine Thorne, Spork Princess Dark Ghoul, wooly angel,The Last Black 17, ZEN, Hpfreakout, Kait 1991, Chips Challenge, Smiley, TwinLady, Icy Panther, XxRanCrawfordxX excessivelyperky, LolA JuNe, UT Brat,Catmint, Moldanubikum, Helloits-meagain, Droxy, Lyss33, Bunny, Supernova8610, Starangel2106, Lucidity, Melindaleo) _

Big thank you, as always, to my beta Staporize.

Disclaimer, None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 22: the calm before…**

On the way to their special Transfigurations class, Harry couldn't get the hollow feeling out of his stomach. What if Luna wasn't just being her bizarre self? What if she was a seer like Trelawney? The thought lay heavy in his gut as he entered the classroom. Hermione and Neville were already there when Draco, Harry, and Ron entered.

Professor McGonagall and Lupin were talking at the front of the class.

"All right, children, there may come a time when it's vital for you to transfigure someone into an animal."

Ron couldn't resist snickering. "You mean like when Professor Moody turned Malfoy into a ferret?'

Draco's eyes went cold and he shot Ron a furious look.

"No, Mr. Weasley, that was wrong. A perfect example would be if you are in danger and need to get away in a hurry. You could transform your companion into a horse." She threw Ron a stern look before continuing. "Now, please focus on the task at hand. There are many animals that can be useful: normal creatures, such as horses, owls, etc., and of course magical creatures, such as thestrals, hippogriffs, and phoenixes. We are going to practice on large pieces of furniture to start. To convert a large piece of furniture into a magical creature, however, is advanced magic, and that's what you all need to be learning. The other students will have their class tomorrow."

"Professor, will we start out learning how to transfigure things into larger normal animals?"

"Very good, Miss Granger – yes. It shouldn't be too hard, as you all know how to transfigure small animals, such as rats, birds, and such into objects."

Lupin stepped in. "Miss Granger, would you like to try first?"

Hermione nodded. She listened closely as McGonagall explained then waved her wand, stating "_transformo mulus_" and aiming at the chair. Everyone gasped as in its place now stood a sturdy donkey that brayed loudly.

"Well done, Miss Granger!" McGonagall stated obviously pleased.

Draco smirked. "Very nice ass, Granger."

She turned and threw him a look of disgust.

"Are you seeking a detention Mr. Malfoy?" McGonagall asked pointedly, her eyes boring into his.

He scowled and shook his head, avoiding the glare from Ron and Harry. If Crabbe and Goyle were here, he knew they would have laughed. These Gryffindors had no sense of humour. He didn't notice as Neville's lip twitched slightly in amusement at the scene.

"Draco, you are next," Lupin stated.

He sighed deeply as he pulled out his wand and shouted "_transformo caninus_" at the other chair.

A huge black dog stood in its place. Draco was pleased that he had done it, but as he turned he realized everyone looked at him with horror.

Harry's heart dropped to his feet when he saw a dog that looked very much like Snuffles.

The raw pain of loss tugged at his breath as he dropped to one knee, beckoning the dog. He wrapped his arms around it, burying his face it its long black fur for a moment, relishing the warmth. "Harry," came Hermione's voice from a distance.

"It's okay," he responded. "I just wanted to pretend for a minute." He pulled back, releasing the animal and McGonagall quickly transfigured it back into a chair. Draco looked at McGonagall's disapproving stare and confessed softly, "I didn't think, I forgot that…"

She cut him off. "It's all right, Mr. Malfoy. I believe it wasn't done with malice."

He was visibly relieved. His gaze ventured to Harry. "Sorry, Potter," he said, regret heavy in his voice.

Harry nodded wearily.

"Mr. Weasley, are you ready for an attempt?"

Ron nodded and pulled out his wand. For a moment he remembered back to 2nd year when his faulty wand had transfigured his rat into a cup with a tail. He hoped this would work out better.

He shouted "_transformo grandis avis_" and to his amazement the table turned into an ostrich.

"Well done, Ron! Neville are you ready?" asked Lupin.

Neville nervously cleared his throated waved his wand at a chair. It suddenly sprouted four legs and started running around the room knocking over everything in its path. McGonagall stopped it and ordered Neville to try again. "Picture it with your mind when you wave the wand."

Concentrating intently, he tried again "_transformo equus_" and this time a grey horse stood in its stead.

Congratulations, Mr. Longbottom!" McGonagall smiled. "Potter?"

Harry still felt shaken by the appearance of the large black dog. He took a deep breath and steeled himself against the memories that flashed through his mind just before he lifted his wand. Sirius flying to freedom on Buckbeak in his third year popped up. He aimed his wand at the table "_transformo magus conficio_" and suddenly it became a hippogriff.

"Harry, that was amazing!" Lupin said as he put his hand on his shoulders.

Draco backed away into the wall, memories of Buckbeak's talons tearing through his arm overwhelming him. McGonagall saw the terror in his eyes and immediately transfigured the creature back into a table.

"Well done, Mr. Potter. How did you know to do that?"

"I've been reading ahead in Hermione's book on transfigurations and wanted to try it."

"Bloody hell, Harry! That was brilliant! If you were in trouble, you could fly away,"  
Ron exclaimed with admiration.

"I think that's enough for today. We'll resume this class tomorrow and follow Harry's lead to transfigure magical creatures, only this time from small objects," Lupin stated.

Everyone groaned and then headed out. They headed down for dinner, but Harry didn't feel very hungry and decided instead to head outside. Just as he reached the door, Snape came through the door leading to the dungeon.

"Harry, could I have a word with you?" he asked. When Harry nodded, he motioned for him to head down to the dungeon.

Once they entered, Harry sat on one of the chairs by the fire. "Did you want to talk to me about something?"

The Potions Master's dark eyes regarded him intently. "I wanted to see how you were feeling. Have you had any more nausea attacks?"

"No, I've been trying not to get angry."

"I've been working on a new potion, but I need one more ingredient. I've ordered it from Russia and it should arrive by owl tomorrow."

"Do you think it can help? Will it stop me from doing Unforgiveables and not give me side effects?"

"I hope so."

Snape kept staring at him intently, making Harry feel very uncomfortable. "Are you having any more nightmares?"

"No."

"Even after yesterday?" Harry grew silent in response. "Miss Chang's death was a shock to everyone, but I would imagine it was harder on you than most of the other students."

Harry's green eyes sparked with annoyance. "Of course it was a shock. And if I hadn't been taking potions, perhaps I could have stopped Lestrange."

Snape didn't respond, and when Harry looked up he saw what appeared to be pity in the dark eyes. He didn't want his pity.

"Losing a first love is never easy," Snape responded in a soft voice.

"I, I don't think it was love. I fancied her all through 4th year and, of course, through part of year 5."

"I see. So it was just a schoolboy crush."

"I don't know." Harry grew thoughtful. "I was so excited whenever I saw her, but when we were actually together there never seemed to be much to talk about. She always wanted to talk about Cedric and I think maybe he was the one she really cared about."

"She likely cared about both of you."

Harry smiled wryly. "Maybe. She was always supportive of me and didn't judge me like the others did when Skeeter printed all those lies about me."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Snape responded sincerely.

"So am I. She shouldn't have died," he said quietly.

"Are there any other young ladies you fancy?"

Harry swallowed heavily, thinking about Ginny in his bed last night. "Er, um, no. Sort of, er, not really."

Snape chuckled softly at his obvious embarrassment. Harry had turned a slight shade of red.

"If there isn't anyone now, I'm sure there will be soon," Snape assured him.

Harry stood up quickly. "Thanks. I need to be going. I have to work on your potions essay."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "You haven't finished it? You've had a week to work on it!"

When Harry looked at him startled, Snape's lips twitched slightly as if trying to suppress a grin.

Harry laughed softly and breathed a sigh of relief when he realized Snape wasn't really angry.

Snape hesitated then stepped closer, putting his hand on the younger wizard's shoulder. "I know things have been very difficult for you, but don't forget to do some of the things you enjoy. You, more than anyone, knows how fast it can all end."

The green eyes looked up at him with sadness and Snape caved in to the impulse and pulled Harry close for a moment. Then he patted him on the back and released him.

Harry gave him a fleeting smile as he left the room.

* * *

Draco reluctantly headed down to Snape's office. It was time for another Occlumency lesson. Snape would yell at him again he was sure. His knocked on the door and Snape's controlled voice said, "Come in."

He went in and sat down in the chair across from Snape's desk.

Severus regarded Draco's petulant stance. It was obvious that he was still upset and resentful. "Are you all right?"

"Fine."

"I've been worried about you."

Draco didn't respond.

"We have a lot to talk about," Snape stated, making Draco shift uncomfortably in the chair.

"Why did you drink so much Firewhisky?"

He shrugged.

"I asked you a question and I would appreciate an answer," Snape said calmly, but there was an underlying warning in his voice.

"Because Zabini implied that I was your private toy!" he stated icily.

Snape closed his eyes for a moment. "Because some idiot student was trying to rile you up, you run off and get drunk?"

Draco glared at him. "Apparently."

"I am your guardian. I am responsible for you and…"

Draco cut him off. "And I embarrassed you. So sorry," he said without a hint of sincerity.

"I love you. Don't you realize what it did to me, hearing that you almost died after taking Pepperup with Firewhisky?"

The gray eyes guiltily looked up at him. He sighed. "I know it was stupid. I really am sorry."

"If something upsets you, I want you to come and talk to me."

"I don't know. Look, Severus, I'm not a kid anymore," Draco replied, exasperation in his voice.

"I know that you are growing up, but we are a family now, we stick together."

"Okay," he replied sullenly.

"Did you have any nightmares about seeing Lucius yesterday?"

Reluctantly, he replied, "Yes, but it was short. Nothing I couldn't handle."

His guardian's black eyes looked worried but then he got up. "Are you ready for your lesson?"

He got up too and shrugged. "I guess."

"Hold your wand out, clear your mind. _Legilimens._"

The scene from the day before flashed through is mind: his aunt hurling the curse in his direction, Chang's blank eyes, and his father.

He stumbled backwards, tripping over the chair, and then all went black.

When he came too again, he found himself in his guardian's arms. "Are you all right? You hit your head; you were out for a minute."

"I'm fine." He grumbled, clearly embarrassed. "I've got a hard head, you know."

Snape chuckled and helped him to his feet. "Are you feeling well enough to continue?"

"Yes."

"_Legilimens_"

"_How dare you leave this house without my permission!" _

"I'm sorry."

_  
His father raised his wand. "Crucio" _

The worst pain he had ever experienced tore through him.

He fell to the floor.

His mind was blurry when he opened his eyes, but he could make out a fuzzy form racing towards him. No, not again, he thought as a wave of anger rushed over him. There was no way he would let Lucius curse him again. "_CRUCIO_!" he screamed hysterically. The figure fell to the floor as Draco's sight cleared. Horrified, he saw Snape writhing on the ground. He quickly ended the spell as his guardian raised his eyes dark with fury.

Draco found himself speechless, shaking, his heart was racing. Wordlessly, he turned and ran out of the door. He had just performed an Unforgivable on his guardian; he would never forgive him for something like that. He ran up the stairs, almost colliding with Harry on the way.

"Malfoy! Malfoy?" Harry's voice echoed after him.

Wondering what had happened to result in Draco running in such a panic, he hurried down to Snape's office. The door was open and the Potions Master was painstakingly pulling himself to his feet by grabbing the desk beside him.

"Professor Snape, what happened?"

"It was an accident. Draco didn't mean it. He's upset. Please go after him, bring him back here."

Harry hesitated for a moment until Snape angrily shouted, "GO!"

With one last glance at the trembling man, he turned and ran up the stairs. He ran out of the building. A warm mist had begun to form over the lake. After not finding Draco there, he headed to the Quidditch field, last he headed down to Hagrid's cabin and then to the edge of the Dark Forest.

He knew he shouldn't be near the forest, but he finally saw Draco kneeling on the ground, coughing and gasping for air. He was hyperventilating again. Harry ran over to him, transfigured a leaf into a paper bag, and held it over his face. He took and breathed into it, calming down within a few minutes.

"What happened?" Harry asked, wondering why Snape had been on the floor in obvious pain.

"Sod off," came Draco's hoarse reply.

"Snape sent me after you."

The cold gray eyes looked up. "I'm fine now, just go…" Draco's heart was racing uncomfortably. He had just performed an Unforgivable on Snape of all people. After all of his attempts to try the curse, why did it work now when he hadn't really meant it? Well, not for Snape. For his father, yes, well sort of. He put his hands over his face and took some deep breaths.

Harry tentatively raised his hand to pat Draco's shoulder, but then retracted it. As hostile as the Slytherin was once again acting, it wouldn't be welcomed. Yet obviously something major had happened for him to tear out of Snape's office like that. Had he hurt Snape?

"What did you do to Snape?" he asked hesitantly, putting his hand on his wand in case Malfoy lashed out with a hex.

Draco dropped his hands startled and stared at him with an almost frightened look. He didn't say anything.

"Draco, what happened?" Harry pressed him.

He took another deep breath, then quietly: "Didn't he tell you?"

Harry shook his head. "He was on the floor, possibly in pain. He told me to go after you – ordered me to actually.'

Draco looked away. He wanted to confess to Harry since Harry obviously knew how to do the curse, but he didn't trust him. How would he know that Harry wouldn't tell someone like Weasley who would tell his father and then he'd get thrown into Azkaban? He wasn't protected like Harry, who could get away with everything. He shook his head.

"Look, whatever happens, Snape is concerned about you. You need to go back and talk to him."

With a curse, Draco got to his feet. "Mind your own business, Potter, and just leave me alone!"

Exasperated with his patience waning, Harry got to his feed and grabbed Draco's arm. "Are you ever going to stop being such a git? You can't stay in here it's too dangerous!"

Draco's response, with icy eyes flashing, was to pull out his wand. Just as Harry had pulled out his, Draco froze, his eyes suddenly dilating in terror. Harry turned, his breath caught in his throat as eight hooded Death Eaters surrounded them before either had a chance to react. The cold voice of Lucius Malfoy chilled the air as he aimed his wand at both of them. "_Accio wands_."

Both Harry and Draco's wands flew out of their hands. The moment seemed surreal as they stood in the foggy green forest, the light around them receding with encroaching darkness.

**A/N:** _Chapter 23: **TORTURE**_

_Ple**ase feed the muse…**_


	23. TORTURE

_**A/N**: A grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers. Your reviews helped me keep writing through the flu and made me feel a little better after one of scariest moments in my life when my dad ended up in emergency with heart problems._

_Thanks all…(Kristine Thorne, The Last Black 17, ZEN, Hpfreakout, Chips Challenge, Smiley, TwinLady, excessivelyperky, LolA JuNe, UT Brat, Catmint, Helloits-meagain, Droxy, Lyss33, Bunny, Supernova8610, Lucidity, Melindaleo, CKAT44, Nikethana, Lisa 14, Arafel2, Turtle Queen of Freeks, TaSalmalin, Staporize, Sari5156, shards of dimond, Lovebu080688, Rosaleen, Firestar038, Bonebiddy, ER Monkey Burner of Cookies, Rosegirl, anonymous) _

**Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize.**

Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 23: TORTURE**

"Well, well, well. What have we here? My son raising his wand against Potter! Well done, Draco, luring him out here for us," Lucius stated, putting on a show of being a proud father in front of the other Death Eaters.

Draco's throat was dry, his heart beating rapidly. He opened his mouth to retort, but at the last second caught the warning glance from Harry. He seemed so calm in comparison, yet his green eyes looked fierce and determined.

Harry felt sick inside but furious at the same time. He should have known better than to run into the Forbidden Forest after Draco. He knew Draco hadn't set him up but coming here had been a stupid action. He wished he hadn't taken the potion that morning as he would have liked nothing better than to see Lucius writhing under his Crucio. He hadn't recognized Bellatrix, though, and for that he was relieved. Being wandless and helpless in front of her was not a position he wanted to find himself in.

One of the Death Eaters, Nott, grabbed him and, despite his struggle, stunned him. Before he was apparated away, he saw that Draco had frozen when Lucius grabbed his shoulders.

* * *

Draco, for his part, felt like a rabbit in a snare and his father's grip was painful. He hated feeling helpless. Taking a deep breath, he tore loose from his father's grasp. The other Death Eaters had apparated away with Harry. "Get your hands off of me!"

"Tsk tsk, Draco. Is that any way to greet your father?" The cold, emotionless voice cut through the air.

"Anyone who leaves me for dead is not my father!" he spat back heatedly.

Lucius sighed dramatically. "Poor boy, playing the injured, mishandled, long-suffering child card are you? You pulled that off well all those years growing up -got you the best of all toys and gadgets."

"You only did that for show so everyone would see how loved the Malfoy heir was and how in public you both doted on me."

Lucius smirked malevolently. "Like it or not, you _are_ the Malfoy heir and it's about time you started to act like it."

In a split second, as Lucius' eyes widened in surprise, Draco turned and sprinted as fast as he could in the general direction of Hogwarts. He heard Lucius snarl behind him as flashes of light came from his wand, though the various hexes missed him.

Harry was dragged into a dark, damp dungeon. There was one window in it, but it was completely barred off. With evil grins, the Death Eaters threw him on the floor, forming a circle around him.

"If we caught you, we were promised a little fun." McNair was practically drooling. One of them lifted the stunning curse off of him and he barely had time to raise himself into a sitting position when he was hit by the first Cruciatus. Waves of agony coursed through him, turning his stomach. His scar felt like it had a knife slicing through it. He lay panting when it was over. Seconds later, another hit. When that one ended he suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"You caught wee Potter? The master will be so pleased," cackled Bellatrix.

"Oooo, look at him all helpless."

Wearily he opened his eyes. Seeing the evil gloating visage of the woman who had killed Sirius and Cho caused a wave of nausea to role over him. He mustered every ounce of energy in himself and sprang to his feet.

She pulled her wand on him as he snarled and launched himself at her. He did, however, succeed in knocking her wand loose. He had her pinned to the ground and, for a second, a flash of green flew from his eyes. She screamed loudly. Then he found his stomach cramping up and he vomited down the front of Bellatrix's robe. The Death Eaters pulled him up as Lestrange got to her feet, retrieved her wand, and performed a cleaning spell on herself. She was babbling, enraged and incoherent. She screamed "_Crucio,"_ and Harry found himself hanging and writhing in pain from the other Death Eaters' grips. She cursed him two more times until Harry had collapsed to the floor, incoherent from the agony tearing through him, his throat raw from screaming.

Draco was almost at the edge of the forest when one of his father's hexes finally caught him. He fell to the ground as a result of a tripping hex. Terror gripped him when he was roughly hauled to his feet. "What do you think you are doing?" Lucius demanded in an irritated, clipped voice.

"Getting away from the man who almost killed me!" Draco spat.

Lucius' grip on his shoulders tightened and he shook him roughly. "I was not intent on killing you. If you weren't so disrespectful, that wouldn't have happened."

"Get your hands off of me. As far as I am concerned, you are no longer my father!"

That earned him a slap across the face.

"You are a Malfoy and I will always be your father. What is wrong with you, Draco?"

He tried to pull out of the iron hard grip.

Lucius stared at him hard. "You are my son – a Malfoy – and we come from a long line of distinguished purebloods. I was proud of you from the moment you were born: my heir, with hair and eyes the same colour as mine. I thought we would wield the power together, yet here you are acting like wronged brat."

"You don't care about me! You beat me, you brainwashed me, you've never said you love me! I'm just something for you to use."

Lucius sneered unpleasantly. "I never beat you. I _disciplined_ you when you deserved it. As for that last incident, I was angry and perhaps went a little overboard. Is that it? You want an apology? Fine. I am most sincerely sorry for that incident. I did not mean for you to almost die." He loosened his grip a little.

Draco continued to glare at his father, not faltering for a moment.

"As for love, that's an emotion for simpering fools. I don't waste time expressing it, but you should know that, as my son, it is a given that I love you."

Draco snorted in disbelief.

Lucius' hand came up and lightly caressed the cheek he had moments ago slapped. Draco flinched and froze, paralyzed by the sudden and unexpected gentle gesture.

"Seeing you with your wand out at Potter made me very proud." His hand came up to smooth back his disheveled hair. "Your hair has grown longer and you are taller. In a while you will be as tall as I am and your hair will look like mine." He smiled gently, bringing his steel gray eyes to meet Draco's.

Draco trembled. For the first time in his life, his father had told him he loved him and acted like he cared. He thought of Severus and knew that he couldn't fall into that trap. His father had almost killed him; it didn't matter that he hadn't meant it.

"You may think I am hard on you, but that's how my father was with me. I love you, Draco," his father stated, his voice sounding strained and forced, then he pulled him close, resting his chin on his head.

Every gut instinct in him screamed to pull free, but he found his arms going around his father and, for a moment, he allowed himself the comfort of burying his face against his shoulder. A lump formed in his throat and he wondered why it couldn't have always been like this.

* * *

Harry lay on the hard stone floor curled into a ball. His stomach churned, his head hurt as if a bludger had hit it, but worst of all were the words that Bellatrix had sadistically whispered in his ear as the Death Eaters left. "Baby Harry, are you starting to realize there is nothing you can do to stop us? The Dark Lord will kill you, just like I did your godfather. Maybe you'll get to see him beyond the veil. In fact, I think I hear him calling you...woof woof." She cackled maliciously again.

He was covered in sweat and found his eyelids too heavy to lift. Every bone and muscle ached unbearably. He dozed off for awhile, and when he awoke he realized someone's hand was on his shoulder. He still couldn't seem to open his eyes. When he tried, he ended up groaning softly.

"Potter, what did they do to you?" came Draco's quiet voice.

Despite how miserable he felt, he managed to force open his eyes. He couldn't believe that Draco's hand was on his shoulder, but it was true – the Slytherin actually seemed concerned.

"Cruciatus," he managed to choke out, his voice hoarse and strained.

"Was it the Dark Lord?" he whispered.

"No, it wasn't Voldemort." He felt the hand on his shoulder flinch slightly. "Death Eaters, Bellatrix."

"Do you want water or..." He stopped and Harry realized had taken off his own cloak and threw it over him as he shivered.

"Water, thanks."

Draco went to a faucet in the stone wall. He ran the water for a moment then cupped his hands, filling them.

Harry hesitated but then took a few gulps from the blond's hands to try and ease the soreness of his throat. "What happened with you and Lucius?"

Draco wiped his hands on his clothes and haltingly told him what his father had said and done.

Harry looked up at him, concerned. "You don't..." he took a deep breath, "er, believe him, do you?"

The blond snorted. "Of course not. He's just trying to manipulate me."

Harry studied him thoughtfully. "Still, hearing him say that he loves you...it must have been weird."

"I'm not an idiot, Potter. If it hadn't been for Dumbledore and Snape, I would have died because of him."

Harry stayed quiet. He knew by the defensive tone in his voice that he was confused and that Lucius' words had had an effect on him. He cleared his throat. "Are you okay?"

Draco stayed silent, his eyes stubbornly focused on the far wall.

"You know that Snape is the one that really cares about you. He must be half out of his mind wondering where you are."

Draco finally looked at him, his stormy eyes worried and fearful. "How are we going to get out of this?"

Harry tried to shake his head, but the attempt sent sharp jabs through his scar. He took a shaky breath. "Do you have any idea where we are?"

"No, my father apparated me here just outside the cell door and told me I'd still have to prove myself to him, so I'm supposed to keep an eye on you."

"Prove yourself?" Wincing, Harry lifted his head a little so he could slide his arm under it. He grew thoughtful. "Promise me that you'll do whatever he asks. He'll start to trust you and maybe that will be our way to escape. Maybe we can apparate out of here," he speculated hopefully.

"No. After he left I tried, but without my wand I can't do much and I think there are wards on this cell."

"Try to transfigure something into an owl so we can send a message."

"I don't have my wand!" he stated, frustrated. "Why don't you try and curse them. You don't need your wand for that."

"I tried, but I'm on that medication that turns my stomach when I get angry."

"Great, that's helpful," the Slytherin said sarcastically.

Harry scowled then asked, "What happened with Snape?" When Draco didn't answer, he continued. "Since that led to the mess we are in, I think I have a right to know."

Draco slumped against the wall beside him and started to explain reluctantly. "It was an Occlumency lesson. My father had cursed me in my memory, and when someone ran over to me, I thought it was him and I pointed my wand and performed the Cruciatus - only it wasn't my father, it was Severus."

Harry grew quiet for a moment before he continued. "It was obviously an accident, so why did you run like that?"

"Why do you think? I had just cursed my guardian with an Unforgivable. He must have been furious."

Harry slowly shook his head. "I think he was more worried than anything else."

Draco sighed. "I'm sorry."

Harry's eyebrow lifted, although Draco was off staring at the wall again and didn't notice. He and the Slytherin had come a long way, but the apology was still a big surprise.

"It's not like you did it on purpose."

The blond head shook. "No," he replied quietly.

"Have you been able to master Occlumency?"

A flash of resentment entered the gray eyes. "Not yet," he replied curtly.

"I'm only asking because of Snape. You really need to focus on blocking your thoughts, otherwise…"

Draco looked alarmed. "Oh Merlin, I'm going to get him killed." His breathing went up a notch.

"Calm down, don't hyperventilate," Harry whispered sharply.

Draco took some deep breaths to calm himself. "How am I supposed to do that?" he asked with frustration heavy in his voice.

"Just concentrate on blocking them out – force whatever is trying to access your mind to get out."

"I don't know how!" the blond shouted.

"Shhhh." Harry felt himself getting a bit irritated until he remembered back on how full of hate he had felt when Snape kept getting into his head and getting impatient with him for not being able to master it. Snape had never told him how, he had to figure it out himself. He took a deep breath. "When you feel someone…"

"I can't feel when someone gets into my mind. Dumbledore did it and I had no idea!" His voice sounded panicked.

"All right then, when you are in a situation with people you don't trust, be angry that someone is trying to break in and so picture them being thrown out. I can't explain it, you just need to feel it."

"Is that how you learned it?"

"It took me a long time." He stopped for a moment, grimacing as his head gave a painful jolt. He gingerly put his hand over his scar and sighed. "But yes, that's how I finally learned how to do it."

Leaning over, Draco took off Harry's tie then soaked it in water. "Here, move your hand." He placed it across his forehead like Hermione had done for him when he felt so sick from too much sun.

The coolness helped the pain ebb. He glanced up at Draco. "Thanks."

The blond shrugged.

"I wonder if our disappearance has been noted yet," Harry said out loud, imagining how Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and the others felt, especially Dumbledore and Snape.

Draco inhaled sharply, thinking of Snape. "And it's my fault. Why the hell did you have to follow me into the forest?"

"Because Snape told me to get you, because I wasn't really thinking, because you couldn't breathe…" His voice trailed off. Neither boy spoke after that, their thoughts absorbed in silence.

* * *

"Severus, calm down," Dumbledore said calmly, as he sent messages to the Order after having all the portraits search the castle for the boys. "Hagrid has checked the grounds and is venturing into the forest."

Snape groaned. "I have a bad feeling that Draco ran in there and Harry, on my request, took off after him. I would have thought at least one of them would have had the sense to stay out of there. The Dark Lord probably has them." He spoke the last sentence in a whisper.

He refused to look into the headmaster's eyes, feeling that he would see the guilt he felt reflected there.

"I need to go and find them."

"Severus, NO!" Dumbledore responded sternly. " You need to stay put until we've explored every possibility. You showing up when you haven't been summoned will endanger not only yourself but also Harry and Draco."

His dark eyes finally snapped up to meet the headmaster's steady gaze. "Harry could be dying right now, or worse, he could already be dead."

"No, he is not. I would know," was the quiet reply.

Snape scoffed. "How could you know?"

"I have a _advigilo_ charm on him. He is still alive; of that I am certain."

"What about Draco? Lucius could be beating him to death." His voice came out strained and harsh.

"Severus, get a hold of yourself. Do you really believe Lucius would kill him after Voldemort grew so furious with him last time?"

With a frustrated groan, Snape collapsed into the nearest chair with his hands over his face.

Soon Hagrid's worried face appeared in the floo. "I'm 'fraid there's signs of a struggle just inside the forest. I also found a paper bag all crumpled in the moss."

Snape groaned again. "He must have had a panic attack.'

"Thank you, Hagrid. Stay around your cabin just in case one of them broke away."

Just then, Jones, Shacklebolt, Tonks and Lupin entered. "I need the four of you to head into Knockturn Alley in disguise to find out anything you can, then report back to me."

Snape stood up, but the headmaster shook his head. "No, Severus, not yet."

Tonk's heart had been beating rapidly every since she heard the news. She was worried about both of them. She could only imagine how Snape felt. He looked worn and was even paler than usual. Impulsively, she went over to him, putting her arms around his neck. "Hang in there. They are both tough and resourceful."

He froze at first but then reciprocated by clasping her tightly. "Find out all you can, but be careful," he whispered in her ear.

She gave him a wry smile as she pulled away and left with the others.

* * *

After awhile, Harry felt a little better and was able to pull himself into a sitting position, but he still felt like the Hogwarts Express had run him over numerous times.

"Do you think Snape will come?" asked Draco.

"I don't know. It might be too dangerous for him to just show up. We're going to have to find a way out of here on our own. We need to get a wand."

Draco laughed bitterly. "Sure, I'll just ask my dad for one."

Harry frowned and mused. "Can you lead him to believe that you want to practice your Cruciatus on me or something?"

"He won't believe it, and even if he did, he'd want to watch."

The dark-haired wizard grimaced. "I wonder why we haven't seen Voldemort yet." He'd expected to have dodged the Avada Kedavra curse hurled at him at least half a dozen times by now.

"Maybe he's off somewhere killing Muggles," Draco stated nonchalantly.

"Listen, Malfoy. If you get a chance to escape without me, take it," Harry stated sincerely.

Draco laughed harshly. "You forget, I'm a Slytherin, of course I'd take it. I'm not noble like you Gryffindors!"

He snorted, "Once a prat, always a prat."

The Slytherin glanced at him. "Even if that were to happen, I'd send help back, you know."

Green eyes lifted to look into gray and Harry smiled grimly. "For some reason, I actually believe you." He handed him back his cloak. "Here, it's getting colder and you'll need this. I'm feeling a bit better now."

Draco wrapped it around himself, looking immensely disgruntled. He glanced at Harry for a moment and reflected in his eyes Harry saw what he himself was feeling: fear.

Wrapping his own cloak around himself, he wearily said, "We better get some sleep while we can."

Draco nodded, sinking to the hard ground, complaining bitterly about not having a pillow. Harry couldn't help grinning at the spoiled blond's grumbles and curses.

As the night wore on, both boys fell into a restless sleep.

**Chapter 24**: **Torment**, _Snape gets a kiss and it's not from a dementor, more crucio for Harry from an unexpected person, Draco's plan fails and he pays a price, Voldemort arrives and shows Harry 'the future'_

_reviews are food for the muse :)_


	24. Torment

_**A/N**: grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers. _

_Thanks all…(Zen, Melia Nerine, Sonja, Chips Challenge, Lyss33, Bunny, darklink231, IcyPanther, LackykaDz, Catmint, Supernova8610, Droxy, excessivelyperky, UT Brat, Snapefan51, lovbug080688, Lucidity, Sari5156, LolA JuNe, Starangel2106, Hpfreakout, Twinlady, Rosegirl, Melindaleo) _

**Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize. and oodles of (in advance) HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes! May all your dreams start to come true!**

Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 24: TORMENT**

The next morning, Harry was awakened with a kick in the ribs. He sprang to his feet to confront Nott, who held a wand on him. He glanced over a Draco, who was at the end of Lucius' wand. Swallowing hard and summoning up courage he didn't feel, Harry snarled, "Where's Voldemort?" Everyone in the room cringed.

Lucius recovered the fastest. "Are you so eager to meet your end?" he spat. Then, smirking, he continued, "He's taking care of some important business right now that doesn't concern you."

"Don't worry, little boy, we'll take care of you until he returns," came the cackling voice of Bellatrix as she joined the other two Death Eaters.

Harry's anger and hatred welled up he focused his energy on Bellatrix. A weak green light shot from his eyes, but this time she sidestepped him. Just as the day before, Harry vomited as he fell to his knees.

"What's the matter with him? How can he do that without a wand?" Bellatrix shrieked at Draco.

Lucius' hand painfully gripped his shoulder as he smoothly lied, "I don't know."

She stepped closer to him and slapped him hard. "You lie!"

"Get your hands off of my son!" Lucius snarled at her.

Bellatrix stepped back and her eyes narrowed. "_Crucio_!" she yelled at Harry, who had shakily risen to his feet. His churning stomach hadn't been able to settle when he was hit by the Unforgivable. Fire coursed through his bones, his head felt as if it would explode, sweat poured down his body. Gasping and trying to suppress the torturous screams threatening to work their way up his throat, he pulled himself to his knees.

Bellatrix leered at him, her face full of satisfaction. "That should teach you to mind your manners, but I think it needs to be reinforced. She glanced at Draco. "Your turn. Let's see if your daddy has reason to be proud."

Draco took the wand she offered him. He made note of where Nott, his father, and Crabbe and Goyle were standing. The chance to escape, if there was one, was slim.

"Draco has not mastered the Cruciatus Curse yet," Lucius said coldly to the black-haired Death Eater. In that split second, as the two Death Eaters were focused on each other, Harry and Draco's eyes met. Harry nodded slightly and Draco knew what he had to do. He lifted the wand and shouted "_Crucio_" at Harry, but nothing happened. Bellatrix laughed hysterically but Draco shouted angrily, "Wait!"

"Draco..." Lucius drawled.

"I can do this!" he sneered at his father. "I owe him for all the years of humiliation and for being a muggle and mudblood lover!"

For effect, Harry narrowed his eyes, goading him on..."Give it your best shot, Ferret boy. You couldn't curse a flobberworm!"

Draco let all the animosity and years of hatred wash over him, the golden boy who bested him at Quidditch, at the OWLs, and who was loved and adored and always in the limelight. Precious Potter, who now even had Snape under his power. He sneered, pointed his wand and shouted "_Crucio!_"

Potter fell back on the ground. It wasn't as bad as it had been when Voldemort or Bellatrix cursed him, but still shards of glass tore through his body and he bit his lip to keep from crying out.

Draco, trembling, lifted the curse.

"Again!" ordered Lucius, smiling maliciously.

Biting his lip, Draco again mustered up past hatred and cursed Harry, who now lay curled up on the dungeon floor. He quickly lifted it again.

"Well done, but longer this time. You are proving worthy to be my nephew," Bellatrix cackled.

Something inside of Draco snapped. "No! He's had enough."

"What did you say?" Lucius asked in a controlled, icy voice.

Harry's green eyes looked at Draco in alarm.

Despite breathing rapidly, Draco said coolly, "The Dark Lord will want him whole."

Nott nodded. "The boy has a point."

Draco relaxed a bit. Suddenly, the Death Eaters in the room all gasped, clutching their forearms. "He's back."

The Death Eaters headed out of the cell, ordering Crabbe and Goyle to bring Potter. They reached down and hauled Harry to his feet, prodding him to walk out of the cell and down the hall. Draco took the opportunity and lunged ahead, dropping Crabbe with a stunning curse, grabbed Harry's arm, and attempted to apparate.

Nothing happened. He tried again, but this time Lucius viciously grabbed his arm, ripping the wand out his hand. Fury emanated from his steel gray eyes. His gaze never left Draco's as he spoke to Crabbe and Goyle. "Deliver the prize to the Dark Lord. Apparently my son wanted the glory all to himself."

Crabbe and Goyle looked stupidly at each other and nodded.

"I will deal with him. Go on, I will join you shortly."

They left, dragging Harry between them.

"What did you think you were doing?" Lucius hissed.

Draco thought quickly. "I wanted Severus to get credit for having caught him. I wanted him to deliver him to the Dark Lord. I am, after all, the one who got him into the forest."

A malicious sneer materialized on Lucius face. "You may fool the others who are half wits at the best of times, but you won't manipulate me. You were attempting to escape with the Potter brat! Now why would that be?"

"I'm not lying!" Draco spat back. Lucius stepped back, pointing his wand as a flash of fear sparked in his son's silver gaze. "_Gaugario_" he whispered, giving a slash of his wand. Draco gasped out loud as a bloody strip of pain tore across his arm.

"Your guardian cast this spell on me a while back. I thought it might just be the fitting punishment for you. Mark my words, Draco, you will concede to all my wishes one way or another." He flicked his wand again, causing Draco to fall to his knees as a welt of fire burned across his stomach. Three more deep gashes found their way across his back before Lucius lifted him to his shaky legs. "You will not shame me...UNDERSTOOD?" he drawled coldly.

Draco nodded obediently even as the hatred welled in his heart.

* * *

A knock on the door startled Snape. He ran over and flung it open to find Tonks standing there. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in. "What did you find out? Do we know where they are?"

She shook her head. "It doesn't look good. Our snitch didn't even know that Harry and Draco had been taken."

She was worried sick over them, but now, looking into the haunted dark eyes of the Potions Master, she realized anything she was feeling was nowhere near as potent as what Severus was experiencing. He looked absolutely traumatized. Softly she said, "They'll be all right".

He snorted angrily. "The Dark Lord will kill Harry. He has tried every single time they've encountered each other. And Lucius… Merlin knows what Lucius is doing to Draco right now to convert him back to the dark side. There is no limit to his cruelty." He paced the room restlessly. "I'm going to find them."

"NO!" Tonks shouted. "Dumbledore said for you to stay put until you hear from him. You aren't going anywhere!"

He turned on her, his fear turning into a rage. "Dumbledore CAN"T fix this! I can show up in the Death Eater camp and inquire about my ward. I will find them. GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

He growled as Tonks blocked the door. He pulled his wand out, but she shouted "_Accio wand_" before he had a chance to use it.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Tonks, I have to go!" he spat out in a barely controlled voice.

White faced, she responded, "Listen to me, Severus, you will get yourself and the boys killed if you go in this state. Let's go to Dumbledore. He can arrange to have Aurors and members of the Order lying in wait if you go."

He stood tall and menacing in front of her. "Get out of my way!"

"NO!"

As he took a step towards her, she threw her arms around his neck. He attempted to gently dislodge her, but she turned her head and kissed him long on the mouth.

He froze in her arms, shocked to the core by her actions.

She pressed her head on his chest. "Please, Severus, don't do this on your own. Think of the boys."

He took a deep, shuddering breath then rested his forehead on hers. "I want to help them. I can't lose them," he whispered.

* * *

Harry found himself in a large room with a blazing fireplace. More Death Eaters stood in the room on either side of the chair that faced the fire. He was thrust foreword as the chair slowly revolved. He braced himself as he came eye to eye with the man who had wreaked havoc on this life since birth. The red eyes blazed feverently. "Welcome, Harry. We meet again. I trust you have been treated well during my absence." Voldemort smiled coldly. "I've had an enjoyable journey. You might be interested in knowing that Cornelius Fudge is no long the Minister of Magic. In fact, he is no longer anything."

"You killed him?" Harry questioned. He wouldn't have wished him dead, but he harboured no good feelings for the incompetent man.

"He had become a problem and he was eliminated, not unlike you will be. But first, Harry Potter, I have brought back some presents for you. Zabini?"

A Death Eater, who Harry realized must be Blaise Zabini's father, came forward with two young children, a girl and a boy. Both were red heads and made Harry think of Ginny and Ron.

"I suspect that you know what the prophecy says."

His insides curled and he found himself stammering, "No..NO"

"Your stutter is not very convincing, Harry."

Harry occluded his mind quickly, sensing that it was at risk. Voldemort frowned, his red eyes narrowing. "_Crucio!_" His wand pointed at the little girl, who screamed and fell to the ground crying.

When he lifted his wand, he regarded Harry thoughtfully.

Harry had frozen, but his stomach revolted. His first reaction would have been to rush to the child, but he knew it wouldn't have helped other than to inflame the Death Eaters' enjoyment. He remembered Snape's breathing exercises and focused on staying calm.

"Still have no desire to share the knowledge?"

Harry's voice sounded calmer than he felt. "As you know, the prophecy was smashed because of your Death Eaters. I never got a chance to see it."

Voldemort's lizard like smile widened. "I bet, however, that your headmaster told you all about it."

Harry shook his head as Voldemort cursed the red headed boy.

"I grow weary of your childish denial."

Just then, Lucius and Draco entered. Harry looked over and, to his dismay, saw the blood on Draco's shirt. The blond refused all eye contact and stared stormily at his feet. Lucius had a death grip on his arm, holding him upright.

"I apologize for my tardiness. My son needed a lesson in obedience."

Voldemort nodded. "You are just in time for the grand finale. Unless, of course, Harry here decides to tell the truth."

It was at that moment that Harry realized that the two muggle children would be killed. For a split second, he debated telling him the prophecy, but then reason took over. He would tell and Voldemort, laughing, would kill the children anyway, and then Harry. He thought frantically for alternatives.

"One last chance, Harry Potter, or you can say goodbye to these little Muggles."

With a sinking feeling of despair in his heart, Harry cleared his throat. "Fine, I'll tell you. If you kill me, your powers will die with me."

Voldemort laughed harshly. "You would lead me to believe that you kept the prophecy from me if that were the outcome?"

Harry replied calmly, "No, that isn't all. If I kill you, I will lose all my powers and have to live as a muggle or a squib."

"That can't be all," Voldemort said suspiciously.

Harry shook his head. "There was likely more, but Professor Dumbledore never heard the rest."

The silence in the room was ominous until Voldemort pulled his want and snarled "_Avada Kedavra_" twice. The two children dropped where they had stood, their eyes wide with terror.

Harry took a shuddering breath. His heart literally ached and his eyes burned, his body rigid in shock.

Draco had involuntarily shuddered, but Lucius' nails digging into his shoulder prevented him from displaying any other emotion.

The Death Eaters laughed and snickered.

Voldemort's ugly visage pressed close to Harry. "You've probably gotten used to seeing death, but, Harry Potter, I'd like you to see plenty more."

He waved his wand over the room and Harry suddenly found himself in the forest. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna were there as well as Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Remus, McGonagall, Tonks, and Dumbledore. Death Eaters outnumbered them, yet valiantly they all fought. Dementors hovered over the area like hungry vultures.

Hexes and curses flew and spells fell. Neville was battling it out with McNair when he was stunned, falling to the ground. A flash of black descended on him and Harry watched with horror as Neville's soul was sucked out. Then he saw Snape in Death Eater attire snarl "_Avada Kedavra"_ at Hermione. She fell lifeless at his feet. Harry ground his teeth, trying to stay in control. His heart was beating rapidly and he said over and over again in his mind, "It's not real. It's not real." Ron fell at he end of Bellatrix's wand. Luna at Zabini's, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley at Lucius' wand, Remus during a duel with Crabbe and Goyle. McGonagall at McNair's. Tonks perished at Voldemort's hand as Dumbledore appeared. Flashes of light flew through the air, trees fell, and thunder followed. When the dust cleared, Voldemort stood triumphant. Dumbledore was dead at his feet. Harry's heart was beating so rapidly he felt dizzy.

"A pretty picture, don't you think? It is the future, Harry."

Harry couldn't stop the shiver that ran through him. "It's only your perverted version of it. I won't let it happen," he responded hoarsely.

The dark wizard smiled condescendingly. "Yes, of course. The famous Harry Potter did such a good job of preventing his godfather's death as well as all the others. I quiver in anticipation how you will stop me." He stepped closer to Harry and whispered, "_Crucio!_" Agony coursed through him and seared him, leaving him breathless, his throat raw.

"Take him back to his cell. Perhaps some of his friends will try and rescue him – I'd love to supply you all with more entertainment."

"Yes, my Lord, that would be something to look forward to," replied Nott.

Harry was brought back to his cell where he collapsed against the stone wall .The anger he had felt in front of Voldemort dissipated, replaced instead by a despair so great he could barely move. The horror for the two children who had died made him draw his shaky legs up to this chest. He wrapped his arms around them, dropping his head down. The thought that everyone he cared about could die in front of him like that, all for Voldemort's sadistic pleasure at torturing him. He took a shaky breath, screwing his eyes shut tightly to try and prevent the horrible images from replaying over and over again in his mind.

* * *

Lucius kept Draco back when Harry was hauled back to the cell. He had managed to put on an icy façade during the death of the two children and the Dark Lord's vision of the future. Inwardly, he felt like he would be sick and his chest hurt with every breath he took. The bloody wounds on his body hurt like hell and it took every ounce of resilience in him to not whimper every time Lucius tightened his hold.

"I hope you have finally learned your lesson, Draco. I warn you now not to push me again, or you will force me to do something that neither of us would want. "

He glared at his father. "What? Kill me for real?"

"No, I would never kill you, but I will break your will. You are a Malfoy and you _will_ be a Death Eater. You will submit!"

Looking around to make sure the Dark Lord wasn't nearby, Draco spat, "I won't ever be subservient like you. I won't be anyone's slave, I…" A backhanded slap knocked him off his feet. The pain from his wounds tore through him.

"I suggest you mind your manners. Throwing tantrums against the Dark Lord is not wise."

His hand went up to his bloody lip as he closed his eyes for a moment. He could feel blood trickling from his wounds.

"My lord, you have impeccable timing as always. May I ask a favour of you? Draco has become rather willful under Severus' care and I think he would benefit greatly from a chastisement from you. May I be so bold as to ask for one for him?" Lucius practically purred.

"Stand up, young Malfoy. Draco is it?" Voldemort asked. Lucius nodded. "Named after the dragon. Let's hope you have the same strength and fire after you've been properly trained."

He narrowed his horrible red eyes as he lifted Draco's chin. "He looks a lot like you, Lucius, same hair and those wonderful quicksilver eyes." He smiled curtly. "But when I hear that you are giving your father, one of my valued Death Eaters, a hard time. Well, we can't have that. Until you become a Death Eater and pledge yourself to me, you are expected to give total obedience to your father."

"He almost killed me," Draco managed to growl despite the quivering in his limbs.

The Dark Lord glared. "Neither your father nor I gave you permission to speak. _Crucio_!"

Draco screamed as waves of agony tore through him. He was close to fainting when the spell was lifted. He lay on the ground, whimpering and shaking.

"Hurt didn't it? Well now, little boy, perhaps if you are intelligent you will learn from this."

* * *

Harry lay curled up with his cloak wrapped tightly around him. The cold seemed to seep in through the stones. He felt sick and he couldn't seem to get the images of children out of his mind. He whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," over and over again.

He heard the door opening and realized that Draco was back. He heard him fall to his feet. He was too weary to go over to him, so he waited for the Slytherin to speak, but aside from some raspy breathing there was no sound. After awhile, he painfully pulled himself upright. "Draco?" he whispered.

There was no response. He remembered the blood on his shirt and wondered how badly he had been injured. Gritting his teeth, he made his way over to him. Draco sat on the floor, hunched over his knees, his face hidden. Harry tentatively put his hand on his shoulder, earning a sharp hiss from the blond.

He lifted his hand quickly. "Sorry. What did he do to you?"

Draco took a deep breath, clearing his throat. "The Gaugario spell. Apparently Severus used it on him after he almost killed me. My dear father thought it would be an appropriate punishment. Then," he stopped to cough, "he also got the Dark Lord to curse me with the Cruciatus."

Harry sighed. "Here, let me see." As gently as he could, he removed his cloak, leaving him wincing. His white shirt was soaked red. The sight of it made Harry inhale sharply. He got up and retrieved the tie Draco had used on him earlier. He soaked it in the water and returned to the now shivering Slytherin. "Let's see if we can get the gashes to stop bleeding."

Draco didn't move for a moment then reluctantly pulled himself a little more upright and unbuttoned his shirt. Both boys were still trembling from the after effects of the Cruciatus Curse, the shock of seeing the children die, and the vision Voldemort has conjured. Harry helped pull off the shirt. His stomach rolled uncomfortably at the sight of Draco's bloody wounds. "That's a rather barbarous spell," he commented. Draco just nodded.

Draco inhaled sharply and his body grew rigid as Harry carefully dabbed the blood away. When he felt a little more comfortable, Harry helped him put the bloody shirt back on, as it was better than nothing against the cold. He wrapped his cloak around him again.

"Feel a little better?"

The blond wizard nodded again. "Yeah, thanks." Then, glancing at him briefly, added, "Sorry my plan failed."

Harry shrugged. "Thanks for trying."

"I've ruined it for any further attempts. There's no way my father would trust me. Not now."

"We'll find a way," Harry responded determinedly.

Again the gray eyes came up and, with equal determination, he responded, "With my resourcefulness and your - what exactly is it that you Gryffindors have?"

Harry smiled wryly. "Courage."

Draco rolled his eyes. " Fine. With my resourcefulness and your courage, we'll find a way out." He paused. "I just can't move much right now."

"Me neither," Harry responded quietly. "Let's just rest."

"Do you think they'll throw us any food?"

"Highly unlikely. Not unless Lucius decides to feed you."

Draco laughed harshly and gingerly lay down on his side. Harry followed suit, wrapping his cloak around tightly. The dampness of the dungeon settled over them.

**A/N2:.** _Next Chapter: **Come Undone**. Harry has a horrible nightmare, Snape goes on the hunt, and Draco is severely traumatized._

 Reviews are valued highly.


	25. Come Undone

_**A/N**: grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers and a special welcome to all new ones who must have eyestrain having read through all 65 chapters of Solstice and 24 of its sequel (virtual eyedrops to you and loads of thanks for reviewing). _

_Thanks all…(Chips Challenge, Melindaleo, Starangel2106, Supernova8610, Lady Zee, Hpfreakout, IcyPanther, lovbug080688, UT Brat, Autore, Rosegirl, LissaPadfootLuvr, Arafel2, lucidity, excessivelyperky, Catmint, lora, Droxy, Moldanubikum, __DebzThePadFootmoonyPron, Cheelalaucha_, _darklink231, Sari5156, WelshCelticMoon, Rosaleen, theLastBLACK17, Darkhiei11, Lyss13, Haunt of Twilight, Midnightwanderer01,Snapefan51, Stormynights55, Zen)_

_  
Happy Birthday Draco! Turns out JKR sent him birthday wishes on June 5th. Does this mean that perhaps she's getting a tad attached to the pesky little Slytherin or, sniff, was this perhaps his last birthday?_

_This chapter was VERY difficult to write, I hope I'm okay with keeping my current rating, as I did my best to not make the scene graphic, and to those of you who haven't read Solstice or don't remember my author's notes towards the end, just a reminder that some things are NOT as they seem. _

_If fan fiction allowed one to print a few song lyrics with the appropriate credits, which they don't, I would put some of the lyrics of Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life" here from which I chose a line to name this chapter, but alas I risk being deleted. If you can please listen to the song, it sets the mood for Harry, Draco and Severus' emotions starting with this chapter and many more to come._

_This chapter is dedicated to Lucidity who had me hitting the Kleenex box with her last story, "Secrets and Lies"but she wrote a simply amazing last chapter which made me, and I'm sure other Draco lovers, feel a little less sniffly. Her talking portrait derived, of course, from JKR, but she tweaked it in a way that tugged on the heartstrings – it inspired a part of Harry's segment in this chapter._

_**Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize, who I hope had a wonderful birthday.**  
_  
Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 25: Come Undone**

"I'll go in disguise," Snape stated softly in her ear.

Tonks sighed, giving up. "All right, Severus, but not without me."

"Absolutely not." He released her, pulling back. "I'm going alone."

Her eyes flashed. "Then I will tell Dumbledore before you even exit the castle."

His dark eyes grew cool. He sneered and pulled his wand, but she was quicker, pointing it at him, ready to utter a spell.

They stood facing each other, he frozen, she anticipating.

"Well, Severus, are you going to hex me?" she asked pointedly.

He didn't reply for a moment, then, with an angry snort, put his wand away, never breaking eye contact with her.

"Let's go then," he spat out. "We're wasting precious time!"

She screwed up her face, concentrating very hard. Her spiky pink hair grew long, dark, and silky, her eyes shimmered blue with violet lights. He stood dumbfounded for a moment. She was an enchantress. He cleared his dry throat.

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"You…" He cleared his throat nervously. "…you look fine," he managed to choke out as a spot of colour rose to his face.

She frowned. "Never mind about me, where's your disguise?"

Realization dawned on him. "Oh." Then, with half a smile, his body suddenly shrunk and, with a flash of black feathers, all that remained was large, black raven. She realized the dark penetrating eyes looking back at her were very much Severus'. She grinned. "Well, my pretty, shall we go?"

He gave an annoyed raucous caw then flew to her shoulder.

* * *

He stood waiting in Dumbledore's office, Fawkes cooed soothingly. "Hello Harry," came the voice from behind him. He turned and gasped. His heart sped up and his throat went dry. The portrait hanging behind him was Sirius. He smiled wryly.

"Sirius?" Harry whispered. "What are you doing here?"

The portrait looked sad. "We're all here, Harry."

"W.. What?" he asked, then, with a growing sense of horror, his eyes wandered across the wall. His heart stared to beat erratically as he saw people he cared about within every frame.

"Why are you there?" he found himself whispering.

"We're dead, Harry. Voldemort and his death eaters killed us," Hermione explained solemnly.

"No, No you can't be." He turned away only to face the other wall. "Ginny?"

"Harry, it's okay. At least you are still alive," she said softly.

"How did you, how did…" His voice trailed off; he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Pettigrew killed me on Tom's orders."

"I'm sorry." He was shaking, his legs felt wobbly. "Ron?"

"Hey, mate," Ron said trying to give a wry smile. "I guess no more Quidditch for me."

The swelling knot in his throat prevented him from speaking.

"You weren't any good at it anyway!"

Harry looked up to see a familiar blond smirking at Ron.

"Draco, you can't be here. You were just with me."

He shrugged lightly. "The Dark Lord didn't believe me to be worthy of being a Death Eater, so he _Avada Kedavra_'d me."

"I tried to protect you…" Harry said hopelessly.

Draco nodded. "I know, but you weren't there when it happened." He paused, looking at his shoes. "There wasn't anything you could have done, Potter."

Harry looked into the dark eyes of Professor Snape. "Why are you here?"

"He figured it out," Snape sighed.

"It's not your fault Harry," came Mrs. Weasley's soothing voice.

His eyes burned. "No, not you too."

"Harry, you need to be strong. You can defeat him. You are the light."

His breath caught in his throat. "Professor Dumbledore," he choked out. "You are the most powerful wizard, you can't be dead," he said in a panicked voice.

"Hush, Harry, and never mind about my death. I am old – it was my time. You are the carrier of the light now."

Harry frantically shook his head. "Not without all of you." He closed his eyes, frantically shaking his head, trying to dispel the images of the children who had died and his friends dead with only their essences captured behind portraits.

He was gripped and shaken roughly. Startled, he opened his eyes and found himself staring into gray eyes. He blinked then grabbed Draco's shoulders hard. "You're alive."

Draco winced as Harry's fingers pressed against one of the gashes his father had inflicted on him.

Harry registered the pained expression on the Slytherin's face and quickly released his hold. Breathing harshly, he turned away, squeezing his eyes shut. He was in the dungeon and it had been a nightmare, likely sparked by Voldemort's vision.

"What was that all about?" Draco asked.

"Nothing," he automatically replied.

"Nothing? So you normally whimper and thrash about at night when others are trying to sleep? Must be a real treat for all the noble Gryffindors sharing a dorm with you," Draco replied sarcastically.

"Just shut up and go back to sleep," Harry ordered him as he lay back down.

Draco didn't move, however, and just sat there staring at him. He had an odd look on his face that Harry didn't recognize.

"What?" he demanded.

Draco's eyes narrowed. "Just sod off, Potter!" He turned his back on the Gryffindor and slowly lay down. He was annoyed with himself. For some reason, the fact that Potter didn't tell him about his nightmare and thereby obviously didn't trust him, bothered him. The way he had grabbed him and shouted, "You're alive," like it had mattered to him. Whatever the nightmare had been about, he had been in it.

Harry didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to experience anymore nightmares. He stared at the Slytherin's back and, in the dim light from the torch at the entrance, he realized with horror that new blood had seeped out onto Draco's shoulder.

He frowned. "Do you bleed easily?" he blurted out.

Draco's back stiffened, but he didn't reply.

"When I just grabbed you, I seem to have made the wound on your back bleed again."

Draco sat up painfully and turned to him, his eyes icy. "Not that it's any of your business, Potter, but I have thin blood. All Malfoys do. I bleed easier and it takes longer to heal. Madam Pomfrey and Severus both know and give me special potions when I get injured."

Realization dawned on Harry. "So when Buckbeak scratched you and you took forever to recover, you weren't faking it?"

The gray eyes narrowed. "If you're talking about the disgusting Hippogriff, then yeah, I wasn't faking it!"

There was silence in the room for a moment. Harry noted, "It can't be much fun, then, being a pureblood."

Draco raised his chin haughtily. "Better than a thick mudblood."

The Gryffindor shook his head at him, obviously disgusted. Yet, he offered, "Do you want me to put some cold water on it?"

Draco stared at the dark-haired wizard distrustfully for a moment, and then his eyes softened and he shook his head. He lay down ,facing Harry this time. "Why did you grab me and say 'you're alive?'"

This time, green eyes flashed with resentment. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his nightmare, but now he felt guilty for making Draco's wound bleed again. He sighed with a touch of annoyance. "I dreamt that everyone I cared about was dead and you were all portraits hanging in Dumbledore's office. Everyone's essences spoke to me."

Draco's eyes widened. "You, you dreamt about me?" he stammered.

Harry nodded.

Disbelief was evident on his face. "You care about me?" he asked tentatively.

Harry smiled gently. "If you'd asked me that a year ago, I would have given a different answer, but yeah, I don't want you to get killed or hurt."

Draco broke eye contact. Years ago when he had found out that the famous Harry Potter would be at Hogwarts, he wanted to be his friend. His father would have been so pleased to have him be his friend so that he would have known the inner workings of Potter's mind. But now, for different reasons, he truly found himself pleased that Potter had let him into his circle of people he cared about. He cleared his throat. "I don't want to see you dead or injured either."

The Gryffindor laughed softly. "I bet you never thought you'd say that."

The Slytherin smiled, shaking his head.

* * *

Panic was evident as the Gryffindors gathered around the common room fire.

Ron, Ginny, Luna, Neville, and Hermione sat a little farther away. They listened to everyone's speculations as to where Harry was and what was happening to him.

"What if Malfoy set him up?" Ron whispered.

Hermione's eyes flashed angrily. "He has his faults, but he is not responsible for this. Look what his father did to him! He's not idiot enough to want to go back for more. Besides, Professor Snape is his guardian now."

"I don't trust Snape either," Ron added.

"I think Draco is at risk, also. Hermione's right – he wouldn't want to go back to his old life."

"He still hasn't recovered from what happened to him," Neville observed.

"Sure he has. Pomfrey and Snape made sure he did," Ron interjected.

"No, he hasn't. Physically, maybe, aside from his lungs, but not emotionally. He was having nightmares. Ron, think about it. Everything he had ever believed in started to break apart and the person he'd adored all of his life almost beat him to death. How can he be okay so quickly? It was only 4 months ago."

"Okay, fine, he's not okay, but he's Malfoy. I can't trust him fully. He better not do anything to hurt Harry."

"He won't hurt Harry, he admires him," Luna chimed in.

"Too bad we can't say the same for You-Know-Who," Ron stated.

They all fell silent as they became preoccupied with thoughts of the green-eyed wizard they all cared so much about.

* * *

Harry woke up the next morning to the sounds of Draco shrieking, "NO!"

Lucius pulled him up roughly. "Your disobedience is wearing on my patience."

"I hate you!" Draco shouted childishly in his anger.

Harry's pulse beat rapidly. He wished Draco would calm down and at least pretend to go along with his father's plans. Lucius was just going to hurt him again. He tried with all his might to curse Lucius, but he held Draco too close as he dragged him out of the cell and he was afraid of getting him by mistake.

As he sat alone in the cell, a wall of dread formed in his stomach. He knew in his gut that Voldemort wouldn't toy with him much longer – he would challenge him today. His hand came up to rub his scar. Would the potion have worn off enough so he could use this power? If it didn't, he'd need to get his hands on a wand, otherwise Voldemort would end his life.

His thoughts turned to his friends back at Hogwarts. He had to make it out of this alive for their sake. If his power was back, could he use the killing curse on Voldemort? The thought of killing made him feel queasy, but then when he though of what that man had done to his parents and how he had tricked him and because of that he lost Sirius, the hatred welled up in him, so powerfully that he was sure he could Avada Kedavra him. Maybe he could practice on Bellatrix first. Suddenly, he heard Lucius' voice coming from outside the window. He pulled himself up to the bars and peered out. It was apparent that Lucius was furious, his pale face flushed. Draco, likewise, looked mutinous, ready to spit at his father.

"You are a Malfoy! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It used to until you almost killed me!"

Lucius stopped walking and glared at him. "How many times do I need to tell you, that was an accident!"

"Was yesterday an accident, too? Using the Gaugario spell on me and encouraging the Dark Lord to curse me? That was nice, father, I really felt like you cared," he sneered sarcastically.

Lucius' eyes narrowed. "I do care and I will do whatever is necessary to ensure that you follow the way of the purebloods and assist in ridding the world of all the scourge."

Draco's eyes shone. "If by scourge, you are referring to anyone not of pure blood, then you are referring to your master as well!"

Seconds later, Draco found himself screaming and writhing under the longest Cruciatus he had ever experienced. When it finally ended, he lay trembling and gasping and desperately blinking.

"Do not EVER speak in such derogatory terms about the Dark Lord. What do I have to do, Draco, to ingrain that into you!" He reached down and pulled him up.

"There's nothing you can do because I won't serve him! I won't be his slave!" he cried out through the aftereffects of the pain.

Lucius' eyes narrowed angrily and he grabbed Draco roughly. "You think you can be defiant?"

His eyes glinted coldly and Draco shivered, knowing that look. "You will take the Dark Mark and you will be a loyal Death Eater. You will be broken, Draco." His voice was low and menacing.

He threw him against a tree hard.

_No, not again_, he thought, his eyes watering. He inhaled sharply as ropes appeared, magically tying him to the tree. Lucius came up behind him.

His hands dropped down and wrapped around Draco's waist, lifting him slightly away from the tree. Draco's heart raced as he suddenly found himself devoid of clothes. He shivered in the cool, damp air as he felt his father's lips close to his ear. "I will enjoy watching the Dark Lord break you," he whispered.

Draco snapped out of the thought of desperately wishing Snape were here to help him now. What was his father going to do to him? Beat him like this in front of the Death Eaters? Let them take turns at hitting him?

Lucius patted Draco's hip. "The Dark Lord will enjoy you immensely, Draco."

He turned his head, looking at him as a sense of horror crept up his spine. "What do you mean?" he stammered.

His father's eyes glowed demonically. "He likes pretty blond boys, and I will be rewarded for giving you to him. I told you I would break you, Draco, one way or another."

Draco's mouth fell open. "You mean he's going to - ?" Realization dawned in him as his father smiled maliciously. He had heard rumours of certain Death Eaters, both male and female, who took pride in being the Dark Lord's lovers. "No, father, no! Please, please don't do this to me!" Fear and horror possessed him and his defiance vanished as he desperately pleaded. "Please, I'm begging you, I'm your son, don't do this to me, please." He tried in vain to appeal to the man who was his father.

"My, my, Draco, what an emotional tirade. It really doesn't become you. I'm your father again, now am I? I clearly remember you saying you wish I wasn't your father and that Severus was. I have a good memory, Draco, and I do not forgive." With that, he stepped back, leaving Draco shivering and tied to the tree.

From across the clearing, Harry had watched in horror as Lucius performed a spell that rid Draco of his clothes. What was he going to do? Cane him or some other violent punishment? His eyes widened as Voldemort came into the clearing. Voldemort looked hungrily at Draco. A shiver of horror went up Harry's back. He wanted to help, but without a wand and with the distance they were at, there was nothing he could do. If he hadn't been gripping the bars on the window so tightly he would crumpled on the ground. "Please don't hurt Draco," he whispered.

He watched in horror as Lucius waved his wand and Draco suddenly stiffened. Harry realized he must have stupefied him. Voldemort came up behind Draco, putting those long, white, bony hands on the pale skin.

Harry shivered violently, bile rising in his throat. This happened on occasion in the Muggle world, it was a violent crime. Harry squeezed his eyes shut for millisecond. How could Draco bear this? Suddenly, a large bang was heard from the other side of the clearing, stopping Voldemort in his tracks. Voldemort whirled and swept away. Harry took a deep breath in relief, his legs sagging. He had to let go of the bars and sink to the ground.

After a few moments, he heard footsteps and his stomach plummeted. Was Voldemort coming for him? His heart raced as the cell door opened. He got a glimpse of Lucius with Draco limp in his arms. The elder Malfoy never even spared Harry a glance as he gently laid his son down. The strangest look was on his face. If it had been anyone other than Malfoy, Harry would have interpreted it as pity. As soon as the door shut, Harry raced over to Draco as fast as his shaky legs let him.

Draco lay face down on the floor, fully clothed, yet his blond hair was seeped in blood.

"Draco, what happened, are you okay?" He touched his shoulder, but the Slytherin gasped and scurried on his knees over against the wall. He was trembling uncontrollably.

"It's just me, Harry," he said quietly, holding his hand out again towards him. Draco looked like a hunted, wild animal, his gray eyes wide with fright, his body shaking in terror. Then, with a cry, he doubled over retching. Once again Harry tried to put his hand on his shoulder, but the blond whimpered, "No."

When the retching subsided, Harry spoke to him quietly. "It's okay, calm down, we'll get out of here." Draco barely heard Harry, his mind swam with images of what had happened. Voldemort's hands on him, the tearing pain the horror of what he had done. When he again felt a hand on his arm, he roughly shrugged it off, scrambled to his feet and bolted. Unfortunately, he ran right into the stone wall. He fell down, slamming hard onto the stone floor. With an agonizing cry of pain, he pulled himself to his knees, he body curled in a tight ball, shivering and rocking back and forth. The horror rose again and he found himself retching. Something warm was draped around his shoulders. Then he heard Harry's voice sounding far away. "Calm down, I know it was awful I, I can't believe Lucius would do that to you, but a least Voldemort…" Harry hesitated, trying to find the right words. "Voldemort didn't go through with it."

Eyes wide with shock and panic looked up at him. "He went though with it!" Draco spat in a hoarse voice.

Harry frowned. "No, Draco, he was about to, but that explosion stopped him and he left. He didn't – um – hurt you."

Draco shook his head violently.

Harry grabbed his shoulders. "Voldemort didn't er…."

"He did!" Draco hoarsely screamed at him before tearing out of his grasp. "Don't touch me!"

Horror crept over Harry, he knew it wasn't Voldemort, but what if Lucius… The thought was too horrific to contemplate, yet Draco was obviously in an awful state of shock. Something terrible had happened to him. Could Lucius have violated Draco in that way? But they were back in the cell within minutes, there wasn't enough time, he was sure. But why, then, was Draco in shock? Slowly, he once again brought his hand up and this time very gently placed it on Draco's forehead. "Whatever happened, it's over now and we will get out here alive."

Gray eyes shimmering with unshed tears glanced up at him. "I don't want to get out of here alive," he whispered brokenly.

"Shush, you don't mean that. I know you feel awful right now, but it will get better. You're strong and you can get past this," Harry stated reassuringly as he lightly stoked the blood-soaked hair, wishing he had a calming potion or a sleeping draught.

A cry of pain fell from Draco's lips as he attempted to move. Harry moved closer, not sure of what to do to reassure him after what he thought had been done to him by Voldemort. He hesitantly put an arm around him. As the intensity of Draco's shivers, increased he pulled him closer, whispering reassurance. Eventually exhaustion closed over Draco as he fell limply against Harry's arm. He whimpered softly, "Hurts so much."

A stab of pity shot through Harry, "I wish there was something I could give you to make you feel better," he murmured quietly. Seeing someone suffering was an awful feeling. It literally hurt sitting there with Draco and feeling how much pain and despair he was in. He kept whispering, "It's going to be all right," over and over again in the hopes of convincing Draco, as well perhaps himself.

**Next Chapter:** "_Save me from the Dark_." Harry's potion wears off, Draco's deep in shock, Snape and Tonks stay warm, Voldemort injures Harry, thereby, for the time being, eliminating the threat to himself. Draco pulls himself together just in time.

**_A/N2: reviews are appreciated_** .


	26. Save me from the Dark

_**A/N**: Happy belated Summer Solstice! And to my fellow Canadians-HAPPY CANADA DAY! _

_Grateful, heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers. Don't worry, what happened to Draco will eventually be explained. Snape needs to figure it out first._

_Thanks all…(The Slytherin Prefect, __Cheelalaucha_, _Melindaleo, Sari5156, lucidity, Snapefan51, Haunt of Twilight, Supernova8610, Droxy, staporize, twinlady, excessivelyperky, saskia, Catmint, darklink231, anonymous, donau, lovbug080688, Darkhiei11, Jenna, Midnightwanderer01,_ _DebzThePadFootmoonyPron_, _inu-youkai 911__, Firestar, Vampire Queen, dark angel5221, bunny, ErMonkey Burner of Cookies,stormynights55)_

_Special note to Vampire Queen – sorry it wasn't ready on Tuesday, but it is a week early - hope you get a chance to read it while you're having fun with your cousins._

_Again this chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life." _

**_Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize, I'm glad you found what you were looking for – stick to your path - a local artist who I really admire once said "keep dancing; where heart leads, the shoes will follow."_**

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 26: Save me from the Dark**

Snape and Tonks apparated to a small village. In raven form, he took off from her shoulder and flew high in the sky to see what he could find. Tonks grew worried when, half an hour later, he still hadn't returned. She checked out the village and discovered that, indeed, a large number of strangers had stopped at the local tavern a few days ago. She sipped at a butterbeer, anxiously looking out the window, when a raven suddenly landed on the fence post across the street. She finished her drink and hurried out. When the raven saw her, he took flight down the street over the edge of the forest. As soon as Tonks got there, she changed her appearance to one of a shapely blonde. The raven transformed into a distraught looking Severus.

"What's wrong? What happened?" she asked, stepping closer.

He stepped back from her. "I found where the Dark Lord is," he stated hoarsely, his voice tight.

She sighed in relief. "That's great, you had me worried for a minute because…" She stopped, realizing that the anguished look on his pale face was still there. "What? What else did you find out?"

He swallowed heavily. "While I was flying overhead, two bodies wrapped in cloth were discarded near what looks to be the preparations for a bonfire."

"Oh, Merlin." Tonks paled. "Did you…did you look at them?"

He shook his head. "Not yet."

"We have to go." She stepped forward but stopped when she realized that he hadn't moved.

He looked frightened, his dark eyes haunted.

"Severus?"

He took a deep breath, but didn't reply.

"It's okay, I understand. I'll go," she said sympathetically.

"No, I have to see for myself, " he replied faintly.

She nodded as she stepped closer to him. "Let's go then." She waved her other hand and conjured up a disguise for him so he suddenly had a hat on his head and a large, bushy mustache. His black clothes, too, had turned to plaid. He was so preoccupied with his worry that he failed to notice.

As they got closer to the bonfire area, his heart beat painfully. The prospect of seeing the two boys he had taken under his wing dead tore him up. His knees grew shaky, his breathing rapid. Tonks soothingly stroked his back.

"I'll look first," she assured him.

"No," he whispered, "I have to." On shaky legs, he propelled himself forward while Tonks scanned the area to ensure no one would see them.

She watched as, with shaking hands, he unwrapped the cloth. Her stomach twisted and she found her eyes welling up at the thought of Harry and Draco both dead.

Snape looked down and then wrapped the one up again. He moved on to the next one. No emotion registered on his face. After he had unwrapped and rewrapped the second one, he walked over to Tonks wordlessly. He turned his wand and muttered _"pacatus"_ An explosion followed and the two bodies disintegrated into a storm of small silver stars which glittered up into the sky. She followed him back into the forest where he suddenly fell to his knees, his hands over his face. Her heart plummeted as she dropped down beside him. "Oh, Severus. No!"

He looked up his dark eyes wet with tears. "It wasn't them."

She stared at him dumbfounded. "It wasn't them?" she repeated.

He sniffed and shook his head. "I kept envisioning how I would feel finding that boy whom I've known since birth, his wonderful gray eyes never opening again… and those green eyes of Harry Potter's, so like his mother's, closed forever. And and as much of a pain as they both are at times, they've become like a family to me. I can't imagine my life without them anymore, without Harry always testing the limits and not following rules and wearing out my patience, and Draco, his arrogance and smart mouth yet so vulnerable under it all." He stopped as his throat tightened.

She wrapped her arms around him. "You love them," she stated as she put her head down on his back, gently stroking it.

He collected himself after a few moments, wiping his face and clearing his throat.

She realized he was embarrassed when he refused to look at her.

"The bodies were those of two muggle children. Perhaps they were something for the Death Eaters to play with."

Tonks stiffened and took a shaky breath.

Snape felt horribly ashamed that he had just broken down in front of her. He never cried – well hardly ever – and to do so in front of Tonks was rather unbearable.

"So, do you think they are being held here?" Her voice broke through his thoughts.

He nodded. "I think there's a good chance. I'm going to transform again and fly over." He looked at her, then, with concern on his face. "Stay hidden."

When he returned, he had nothing new to report. The evening was growing dark. "Let's camp here for the night," Tonks suggested

Severus looked at her puzzled. "Camp?"

She grinned "Oh, right, you don't know Muggle terms. Let's pitch an invisible tent and then you and I will sneak back to the old mansion when everyone is asleep."

He nodded, waving his wand. She went in first and, when he didn't come into the tent, she went out to get him. "You're not a staying outside. It isn't safe."

He entered to find that she had sleeping bags and food set up. His stomach churned too uncomfortably to even venture taking a bite.

"Severus, you are a bundle of nerves. You need to take care of yourself or you'll be useless to the boys." She conjured up some oatmeal with cinnamon and raisins.

He glared wearily. "I'm not an invalid."

"Not yet, but if you don't eat - the boys will be taking care of you!"

He strode over to grab the bowl and disdainfully swallowed a few spoonfuls quickly.

"There now, not so fast or you'll hurl it right back up," she stated with a mischievous glint in her eyes, knowing full well that he would be furious.

He was. His dark eyes looked deadly.

She laughed. "You really don't take to teasing well, do you?"

He slowed down with the oatmeal. "Perhaps I was _teased,_" he emphasized the word teased with a sneer, "mercilessly as a child. I don't appreciate it as an adult."

She shook her head. "You really need to lighten up. Come here and sit beside me." She beckoned him down to sit on the sleeping bag beside her.

He looked at her suspiciously but then relented and stiffly sad down next to her. He remembered how good it had felt when she draped herself over his back as she comforted him.

"It's going to be a cold night," he stated awkwardly.

"It's okay, we'll be warm." She handed him a steamy mug of spiked coffee.

He took a sip then, startled, looked at her.

"It's a Muggle drink. A dash of cream and whisky added to coffee – tasty isn't it?"

He smiled for the first time that night. She moved closer to him. "They're going to be all right. They have to be. I adore Harry, he is like a little brother to me, and Draco, he's my cousin. I want us to get a lot closer, we are family."

He realized then that she, too, was very worried, but had been maintaining this optimistic stance for his sake. He hesitantly put his arm around her in a gesture to both comfort and warm her.

She was surprised – pleasantly surprised – and wrapped her arm around his waist as she leaned into his shoulder. They sat together in companionable silence, sipping their Irish coffees while consumed with worry.

* * *

When Draco awoke, he immediately pulled away from Harry. He curled up in misery against the wall, staring listlessly at the floor.

"I think he's going to come for me soon. I'm hoping that the potion has worn off and I can throw a curse. We'll need a plan. Do you have any ideas?" Harry asked quietly.

Draco didn't move, didn't react.

When Harry moved closer, he looked up, clearly alarmed. "Leave me alone."

Harry froze. The gray eyes looking at him were devoid of any emotion other than fear. "I'm not going to hurt you," he assured the trembling blond. His heart twisted as he wondered what he could do to snap Draco out of the shock he was in. "We have to get out of here. I can't do it by myself!"

"You don't need me for that. You've always managed to get away from him before," Draco responded wearily. His eyes closed as he turned his head to rest against the wall.

Harry touched his shoulder. "Draco, come on."

The Slytherin flinched and pulled further away. He knew that it was Harry and he wouldn't do to him what the Dark Lord had done, but it didn't matter who it was at the moment because he didn't want anyone touching him. He was cold and in pain and very nauseous. He felt helpless, powerless. He knew if he attempted anything the Dark Lord would do it again and his father, his father who always had protected him from others, would let him. He inhaled sharply over the memory of betrayal.

"I can't help you!" he shouted roughly at the Gryffindor.

Harry sat back. "Why not?" he asked calmly, relieved that, at least, he was talking.

"He'll do it again." A note of hysteria crept into Draco's voice.

"Do what again?" Harry wanted Draco to say what he thought had happened.

Draco's eyes rose to look into his. They were filled with pain. "What he did to me yesterday."

Harry was 99 sure that what Draco thought had happened didn't, but there was no way he could prove it right now. He knew that Draco would react badly if he tried to explain again, so he tried a different tactic. "If you stay here, there's an excellent chance he will do it, but if we escape, we'll be safe back at Hogwarts."

Again, Draco didn't respond, he just slumped lifelessly against the wall.

"You're letting him win," Harry stated, this time with a hint of anger.

Draco shut his eyes tightly, put his hands over his face and stayed silent.

Harry didn't know what to do.

The cell door opened with a bang, causing them both to jump.

Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, Zabini, and Lucius entered. The older blond ordered, "Grab Potter!" Then, he locked eyes with his son, who only looked at him warily. "Come, Draco."

To Harry's horror, Draco obediently got to his feet and went to stand beside his father. He tried to catch his eye, but he obviously wasn't himself, passively standing beside Lucius as if waiting for orders.

Whatever Lucius had done, it had broken Draco. He seemed to have lost his will. Harry worried now that Draco was so vulnerable that he'd likely forget to protect his mind. Snape's secret would be in grave danger of being revealed. As the Death Eaters grabbed him, Harry stared hard at Draco. Over and over in his mind, he repeated, "Think of Snape, think of Snape." Suddenly, Draco's eyes snapped up and looked at him in surprise.

Harry breathed an inward sigh of relief. He knew the young Slytherin was in shock, but somehow he had gotten through his lethargic state. Of course now Draco was even more distressed, but Harry was sure he would try his best to protect his guardian.

He didn't have any more time to think about it as Crabbe and Goyle roughly dragged him up the stairs, down hallways, back to the room that their master occupied. Voldemort seemed to be in an exuberant mood.

He pulled out his wand, waving it while a sneer played on his face. "Well, Harry Potter, should I kill you fast or slow?"

"Oh, master please, let us have little fun with him first," cackled a female voice that caused the hair on the back of Harry's neck to rise.

"Eager are you, Bella? Very well."

Before Harry had a chance to react, the female Death eater uttered "_Inuro_."

He gasped as a streak of fire tore up his arm. Fighting back a shriek of pain, he focused on the witch who had killed Sirius. A surge of power rose through him and suddenly Bellatrix lay on the ground, screaming. His fury was so great, the curse continued. Above her shrieks, Harry realized that the other Death Eaters had frozen, some in mid-laughter, obviously stunned by the flash of green light that had shot from his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Draco, too, looked wide-eyed at him in disbelief. A flicker of life had entered his eyes. Harry was elated to see that. Again, out of the corner of his eye, he looked towards Voldemort. A flash of uncertainly flickered in his eyes as he stared at his writhing Death Eater. Then, Voldemort's gaze hardened and he refocused on Harry. "What is that? One of Dumbledore's lame tricks? You have no power over me!"

Nott reached out to roughly shake Harry, trying to break his concentration, but Bellatrix kept screaming and writhing, although with less vigor than before.

Harry refused to break his concentration until Bellatrix finally stopped screaming and she lay limply on the floor.

Harry thought of his father trying to protect his mum and himself, then of Lily begging Voldemort to spare him. Both dead because of this evil, power-hungry man. This monster.

A calm, controlled feeling swept over him as he stared at Voldemort. A flash of light came from his eyes, but Voldemort quickly sidestepped it. His face grew alarmed and Harry, with immense satisfaction, could see fear on the Dark Lord's face. Before Harry could react again, the Dark Lord lifted his wand and uttered "_Caeco_." His head seemed to burst into flames. He screamed and fell to the ground as his scar burned, as did his eyes. The pain was unbearable and he threw up as tears flowed unchecked from his scorched eyes. Everything went black and he knew no more.

Harry's defiance had brought hope to Draco, and when he fell a desperate wail built up in his throat and came out as strangled whisper. "No."

The Death Eaters' attention was focused on Harry. He dove and grabbed their wands that the Dark Lord had proudly displayed on the mantle of his hearth. He threw himself on top of Harry, grabbing his limp body tightly, and shouted "_Destina_."

* * *

After awhile, Severus transformed himself back into a raven and flew off to survey the area again. Tonks sat in the tent, her head resting on her knees. She shivered slightly. Harry was too young to die – he hadn't even lived yet. She had felt protective of him ever since she had first met him. He was a good kid and he deserved so much more. Her cousin, she had heard, had been anything but a good kid, but she cared about him. He had been through a lot and she was so glad he had chosen not to be a carbon copy of his father. He needed love and support and direction. She closed her eyes, making a silent plea to whatever forces were listening. "Please, help them to get through this and come home." She couldn't imagine Severus ever recovering if they died. She was amazed that he had broken down in front of her. He was always so controlled, and for the first time she had had a glimpse into his soul, and it wasn't as dark as one would have thought. He loved them, and she knew he would sacrifice himself to save either one of them. She found her admiration growing for him. He was so complex and so intriguing, more so than she had ever imagined.

He wasn't gone long. He stated in a clipped tone, "I think they've escaped. There are Death Eaters frantically patrolling the grounds and apparating."

"Hogwarts," she stated. "We have to get back to Hogwarts, by the edge of the forest, by Hagrid's hut."

Joining hands, they apparated together.

* * *

Draco hit the ground with a thud and found, with an almost insane sense of relief, that it had worked. He had apparated himself and Harry to the Forbidden Forest. The jolt seemed to have brought Harry back to consciousness, but there was blood on his face. Draco didn't know if it came from his scar or his eyes. Harry groggily sat up, holding his head.

"Are you okay? Are you going to make it?"

He nodded wordlessly.

"Look, Harry. We made it, we're in the forest."

"How?" came the pained question.

"I grabbed our wands and apparated us."

Draco looked around in the darkening night and realized they were on the banks of a lake. The overwhelming urge to jump in and wash off the filth of the Dark Lord's touch overcame all reason. He threw off his clothes and tore into the icy cold water, splashing about almost hysterically.

"Draco, what are you doing?" came Harry's frantic voice.

"I have to wash. I can't stand his hands on me, he…"

Harry cut him off. "They're going to come after us. We have to get to Hogwarts!"

"Go, then. I'll follow."

"Draco, I can't." Harry's voice held a note of growing panic. "I can't see."

Draco froze in the icy water and glanced at the dark-haired Gryffindor. Harry sat right where he'd left him, staring blindly in his direction.

"Harry?"

"Please come back."

The desperate note in Harry's voice got through to him and he came out, shivering profusely from the icy water and the cold night air as he put on his clothes.

He lifted Harry's chin to look in his eyes. They were unfocused and he blinked rapidly. "Do your eyes hurt?"

Harry nodded, biting his lip.

Draco grabbed his arm and lifted him, trembling, to his feet.

"Can you make out anything?"

Harry shook his head, dropping it down in defeat.

"Madam Pomfrey will fix you right up," Draco assured him, his heart beating frantically. Harry's hand came up to cover his eyes again. "You're going to be all right. You have to be."

Harry gave a defeated half laugh. "A lot of good I did today." His head hurt terribly. The moment when he had opened his eyes and hadn't been able to see had left him short of breath and dizzy.

Draco anxiously looked around. "We have to go."

Harry took a step but gasped, bringing his other hand up. "I don't feel well."

"I could do _Wingardium Leviosa_ on you," he suggested, his voice breathless with rising panic.

Harry's voice was faint when he responded, "You'd still have to walk. Please, give me my wand."

After he felt it in his hand, he concentrated hard, trying to quell the light-headedness threatening to overwhelm him. He realized his spell had worked when Draco shrieked and stepped back hurriedly. "NO. No! There's no way…!"

Harry turned to the direction of his voice. "Listen, you have no choice. We have to get out of here. I feel like I'm going to pass out and you'll need to make sure we get back to Hogwarts."

Aside from Draco's panicked breathing, there was silence.

"Draco, move it. Just treat him with respect."

"No…" he whined.

"Don't be such a prat. You can do it," Harry said as sternly as he could muster.

His heart beating rapidly, Draco tentatively approached the large, black hippogriff. He bowed deeply, trying to suppress the whimper rising up in his throat from when he thought of his last encounter with one of those ugly brutes.

After a few snorts and some hesitation, the hippogriff bowed. Draco patted it nervously. "Okay, Harry, your turn."

Harry bowed in the direction he heard Draco's voice come from. When the blond told him to come forward, he realized the hippogriff must have bowed.

"You go on first. You'll need to hang on to his neck and then I'll hang on to you."

Draco's heart beat frantically and he tried not to think of the large, painful talons as he moved to its side. He nodded then, remembering that Harry couldn't see, verbally agreed. He climbed up on some rocks, taking Harry with him. He got onto the creature's back and reached down to help him up.

The feel of someone pressed up against him and Harry's hands tightly wrapped around him suddenly made Draco break out in a cold sweat. He found himself reliving yesterday's attack. Panic set in and he gasped, "No, let go, let go, let go of me!" and quickly slid off, hitting the ground.

He scrambled away, panting in terror and crumpled over his bent knees.

Harry realized what was happening. Judging by the sound of Draco's breathing, he was on the verge of hyperventilating again.

"Draco, stop it!" he snarled with as much energy as he could muster. "You are all right. Just climb on behind me. It's probably better this way in case I pass out. Come on, we haven't got time. Voldemort will be here any second."

Fighting back the shivers and panic he felt, Draco got to his feet again. He stood staring at Harry for a moment, breathing heavily. Then, taking a deep breath, he forced himself to climb up behind Harry.

"It's okay, we're almost home," Harry softly assured the shaking blond.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone what happened to me," Draco said shakily, his voice barely audible.

Harry didn't reply.

"I'll slide off if you don't, I don't care. I'll become a Death Eater or I'll live in the forest."

"Okay, okay, I won't say anything, I promise, but you need to see Madam Pomfrey and you need to tell Snape."

Draco closed his eyes wearily and rested his head against Harry's back.

"Take some deep breaths and hold on."

The hippogriff rose into the air and Draco opened his eyes, desperately clinging to Harry in order to not fall off.

A huge wave of relief swept over Harry as they fled. They were up in the air and heading out of the forest, on their way back to Hogwarts and Hermione and Ron and Ginny and all the others. He thought of Madam Pomfrey. She has always been able to heal him; she would be able to this time, also. She had to, because if he stayed like this, he was useless to everyone.

As they flew, his head felt heavier. He felt himself losing consciousness, but he managed to gasp, "Draco."

Draco heard his name as Harry went limp. Frantically leaning forward, he managed to get his hands on the hippogriff's neck as he headed down near the Quidditch field. They hit the ground with a jarring jot and both he and Harry fell off. He gave a cry of pain and curled up, taking deep breaths.

"OH, Merlin!" he heard a female voice say.

"Draco!" He recognized Snape's voice. He opened his eyes to see Tonks and Snape run towards them.

Snape almost fell over Harry's prone body. He dropped to his knees, desperately checking for a pulse while looking at Draco. "Are you all right? Did Lucius hurt you?"

Draco shook his head. Tonks ran over, wrapping her arms around him. He flinched, suddenly feeling very close to breaking down, but he had made it this far, he could stay in control. "I'm okay. Please, check on Harry, he's not."

She looked at him, concerned, but he broke eye contact. She kissed his forehead, stroking his hair gently. "I'm so glad you are back." She then went over to the Gryffindor.

"We've got to get him to Poppy," Snape said. He lifted him into his arms. "Draco, can you walk?" he asked, concerned.

He nodded shakily, rising to his feet. Tonks returned and supported him. "Just lean on me, Cous. I'll help you make it back to a nice warm bed and a tasty meal."

Draco sniffed and nodded.

**Next Chapter:** "_Become so Numb_." Hermione and Neville help Draco. Madam Pomfrey diagnoses Harry. Harry awakens and is devastated by the news. Dumbledore puts Tonks in charge of watching over Draco.

**A/N2:** _reviews inspire the muse. If the totalreaches around850 by Thursday, I'll write like a demon and post on Friday._


	27. Become so Numb

_**A/N**: Woohoo! Thanks, all, for coming through. I hope all of my British readers and their loved ones are okay._

_A special thanks for those of you who don't usually review. It is so important to us fan fic writers to get some feedback. It is gratifying to know what you like it about it…._

_Grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers. _

_Thanks all…(ER Burner of Monkeys, Jarika, mellisa-p, Hieiko, Melindaleo, anony, UT Brat, Nicole, darklink231, Spiritual Witch, The Slytherin Prefect, Rosegirl, Rosaleen, Vampire Queen, helloit me-again, Catmint, Stormynights55, Nita Potter, Sari5156, Haunt of Twilight, Midnightwanderer01, Supernova8610, Jamie, HPFAN, cassie, Shadowmagik, theLastBLACK17, Modanubikum, debo, __DebzThePadFootmoonyPron, ckatt44, __lucidity, saskia, me-obviously, Kyzara, Arafel2, missy, LolA JuNe, Lyss13, lovbug080688, staporize, __inu-youkai 911, __Droxy, Jenkid11, Severa-Lilia, Hpfreakout, Magma Rose, Obsidian Blade, spiritualwitch, ilikebooks, DeliDemon, LoonyLupin, Ro, ZEN, DarkHieill, WinterNightfall)_

_Again this chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life"._

**_Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize and congratulations on finding the perfect place!_**

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 27: Become so Numb**

As they got closer to Hogwarts, Draco's heart started beating rapidly. The thought of the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey examining him and everyone finding out what had happened caused him to stumble. If Tonks hadn't been holding him, he would have fallen to his knees.

She stopped immediately. "Are you all right?"

He nodded, looking into her concerned dark eyes. "I'm just really tired and I want to sleep in my own bed."

Snape turned to look at him, his expression heavy with concern. "First, Madam Pomfrey needs to check you over."

"I'm fine. Harry needs her, not me. Please, Severus…" His plea came out in a choked sob, although he didn't mean it to.

"We'll talk about it once I have Harry in the ward," Snape promised, his dark eyes looking concerned. Draco was glad his cloak was tightly wrapped around him so Severus couldn't see all the blood staining his shirt.

Tonks rubbed circles on Draco's back. "It's going to be okay, I promise," she whispered in his ear as he winced.

Under the cover of darkness, they made their way in. It was obviously very late as no students were in the halls.

Harry's limp form was gently laid on the bed and Snape ran to get Poppy.

Tonks made Draco sit on a bed and she sat beside him, watching him, her face creased with worry.

The headmaster entered, along with Lupin and McGonagall. All three went to Harry's bedside, relieved that he was alive. Their gazes then fell on Draco.

McGonagall then went to the shivering Slytherin and wrapped her arms around him. He remained stiff, his thin face pale, his gray eyes wide with shock. "We were so worried about you." She lifted his chin, stroking the side of his face. It took every ounce of control in him to not throw himself into her arms and spill every detail of what had happened. The more she kept speaking to him so gently, the more his self-control wavered until the volcano of a lump in his throat that threatened to burst. Just then, Snape, as well as Madam Pomfrey, hurried in. McGonagall drew back as Draco took a deep, painful breath.

"What happened?" Pomfrey asked, looking at Draco.

"He cursed Bellatrix and then tried to curse the Dark Lord, but he cast some kind of spell on Harry and he screamed and fainted. He couldn't see after that."

"He's blind?" Lupin asked, his voice tight with concern.

Draco nodded. "At the moment, but I'm sure Madam Pomfrey can fix him up."

Snape went over to his ward, sitting down beside him while the mediwitch examined Potter. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"No."

Snape frowned. "I find it hard to believe that you got out of this unscathed."

Draco remained silent for a moment; he didn't want to tell him about the Gaugario spell because his guardian would want him to stay in the hospital wing so Pomfrey could heal him. He knew she would do a thorough scan of him and then they would all know… Instead, he answered, "My father did the Cruciatus on me."

"Is that all?"

He nodded again. "Can I please go to my dorm now?"

"No. I want you to sleep in my rooms for the next while. You've been through a harrowing ordeal."

Panicked, Draco shook his head. "No, please, Severus, please. I just want things to be normal again. Please let me sleep in my own room."

Snape was worried by the panic in his ward's voice, but he relented as those silvery gray eyes looked close to becoming hysterical. "You may spend tonight in your dorm." Then, with a sigh of relief, he pulled him close. "Do know how scared I was for you? Do you know how much I love you? I was scared out of my mind that I wouldn't see you again," he whispered in his ear. He didn't realize that his ward didn't return the hug and that instead he trembled with shock. Draco fought back tears for the third time that night.

Severus handed him a Dreamless Sleep potion vial then let him go. He got up and, as fast as he stiffly could, he hurried out of the hospital ward.

Tonks, having noticed the exchange, looked worriedly looked after him. She glanced first at Severus, whose attention was now back on Harry, and then at the headmaster, who had, unseen by everyone else, lifted his wand and muttered a spell that emitted a maroon flash of light directly at Draco's body before he exited through the doors.

She raised an eyebrow at him. He gave her a worried look and then refocused on Harry.

"He's been cursed repeatedly with the Cruciatus. His heart is beating quite rapidly. He has a cracked rib, which I can heal fast." She frowned as she slowly scanned her wand over his head.

"What is it, Poppy?" Lupin asked, moving closer.

"His retinas have been burned," she stated grimly to the room of concerned adults.

The door slammed open and Molly Weasley ran through. "Filch just told me Harry and Draco are back."

"Calm down, Molly. Poppy is about to give us the diagnosis," Lupin reassured her.

She went over to stand beside the bed.

Annoyed at the interruption, Poppy repeated what she had just said.

"What does that mean?" Molly asked anxiously. "You can heal it, can't you?"

Pomfrey's worried eyes met Molly's. "I don't know yet. Eyes are complicated. If what I do doesn't work, I will need Severus to brew a variety of potions."

They all looked with concern at the still, black-haired figure that lay on the bed.

* * *

Stopping every so often to take deep, calming breaths, Draco hurried towards the prefect's bathroom. He felt sick and dirty. The jump into the lake hadn't done much except to chill him to the bone. He rounded a corner and came to a quick stop.

"Draco? You're back – are you all right? How's Harry? Is here with you?" Hermione asked frantically as she looked behind him and then looked back at him questionably. Longbottom was behind her, looking dumbfounded at the unexpected sight of the Slytherin.

"What are you doing up?" Draco asked awkwardly.

"We are working on a special project for Transfiguration. McGonagall…" Neville started to explain.

Hermione interrupted, "Never mind about that. Where's Harry?"

"He's in the hospital wing. He's alive. Madam Pomfrey is working on him."

Intense relief was evident in both Hermione and Neville's expressions.

"Let's go," Hermione ordered.

"No, I don't think they'll let you in. They are all there: Snape and McGonagall, Dumbledore, Lupin," Draco said wearily.

"Is it that bad?" she asked, her voice sounding faint.

"Is he fighting for his life?" Neville asked, his voice a whisper.

The blond shook his head. "I'm sure he'll be okay, he, he fainted."

"Draco, you look awful. Shouldn't you be in the hospital wing, too?" she asked.

"No, I'm okay. I just want to take a shower."

"Come, let's go to the Room of Requirement," she suggested.

"N, no," he responded, backing away.

"You can take your shower, get some uninterrupted sleep, and when was the last time you ate?"

He shrugged. His heart was beating rapidly and he felt dizzy and upset. He didn't resist when Hermione took his hand and led him towards the stairs. He winced as they started going up.

"Are you in pain? What happened?"

He hesitated, grabbing the rail. "My father did the Gaugario spell on me. It hurts."

"Didn't Madam Pomfrey heal you?" Neville asked in disbelief.

"No I just wanted to get out of there," Draco responded impatiently, throwing him a look that made him take a step back.

"I can make up a paste that will heal it," Neville offered quietly.

Draco didn't answer; he just stared at the rail, looking strained and weary.

Hermione and Neville shared a concerned look.

"Okay, come on, we'll just go slow," she said quietly to him.

He glanced at her, nodding, and she took his hand again and they slowly made it up the stairs.

Once they arrived in the room, Draco immediately headed into the bathroom and the shower he knew would be there. Neville busied himself pouring over the various jars that contained herbs and flowers and water. He ground up certain ones into a special paste. Hermione sat on the bed.

"If Malfoy looks this bad, I wonder how Harry is?" he mused.

"If Draco didn't look like he was about to pass out, I'd want to hear every detail of what happened."

"Yeah, like how they got away."

Draco stood in the shower. The warm water cascaded over him his hands were over his face, trying to quell the despair that kept welling up in him. He kept feeling those hands on him. He shuddered. Then, taking a deep breath, he reached for the soap and brush and scrubbed every inch of his body. The gashes from the Gaugario spell started bleeding again, but he kept scouring his skin. The pain from the attack was still there, reminding him every minute what the Dark Lord had done to him. He barely made it out of the shower to the toilet to throw up.

Shakily, he got to his feet, turning off the shower and wrapping a towel around his hips. Shivering, he puddled to the ground in a heap, draping himself over his knees.

Hearing the shower turn off, Hermione and Neville were startled to hear a thud.

"Um, perhaps you better check on him. He might have fainted."

Neville's eyes widened and he look a bit petrified, but he left his plants and knocked on the door. "Malfoy? We heard a bang, are you all right?"

Silence.

He hesitantly opened the door to find the Slytherin slumped over his knees with blood dripping off his shoulders. "Malfoy!"

He bent down to him, but the blond looked up, gasped, and scrambled away.

Neville awkwardly knelt down on the floor as Hermione came to the door. "Draco, you're bleeding. Neville, help him get into those pajamas and into the bed."

The Slytherin registered Hermione's voice and realized where he was. He cleared his throat. "I can do it," he said in a barely audible voice.

"You can barely move," she argued.

"JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!" he snapped, mustering up every last ounce of energy. Breathing hard, he grabbed the pajamas and glared at them.

Hermione was concerned yet furious at the same time. "Fine. Neville, let's turn our backs so your highness can get dressed all by himself."

Shaking, Draco slowly got to his feet and pulled the pants on. With the gashes burning and bleeding, there was no way he could get the shirt on, so he left it on the floor. He started making his way out into the bedroom, walking like an arthritic old man.

Neville and Hermione let the stubborn blond walk by himself, but hovered close enough to catch him in case he stumbled.

The soft, fluffy bed looked so inviting. He practically collapsed on it, curling over on his side.

"Here's the paste." Neville handed the jar to Hermione. There was no way he was getting anywhere near the bad tempered, ill Slytherin.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and started to apply it lightly to the gashes on his back. Then, she moved to the one on his arm. He hissed softly and bit his lip.

"Move your arm so I can get the one on your stomach."

It seemed to take a huge effort to move his arm, but when he did the relief of the cooling paste was evident. He closed his eyes, feeling so tired.

"Don't go to sleep yet. You still need to take the sleeping potion," she whispered.

He took the vial and downed it one gulp, letting the wonderful waves of peace wash over him.

* * *

Harry groaned as he attempted to move, the pain in his head excruciating.

"Open your mouth, Potter, this will help with the pain," he heard a familiar voice instruct him.

He did as she said, trying to unscramble his fuzzy brain as to what he was doing in the hospital wing yet again. Was it a Quidditch accident? He brought his hand up to his head only to find it and his eyes bandaged.

"What happened," he asked groggily.

He felt a hand on his knee. "Well, Harry, you, once again, defied Lord Voldemort." He recognized Dumbledore's voice.

Then came Mrs. Weasley. "How are you, dear?"

He cleared his throat. "Voldemort cast a spell or something and I couldn't see."

"Do you know what the spell was? Did he say it out loud?" Severus asked.

"No, I didn't hear anything. Am I almost healed?" His last sentence was filled with hope.

"Let's take a look," Madam Pomfrey said as she unwound whatever bandage she had around his head.

"Draco. Is Draco here? Is he all right?" he asked while the mediwitch worked.

"He's fine," Snape assured him.

When Pomfrey finished unwrapping his head, he slowly opened his eyes but saw nothing. "I still can't see anything."

There was silence in the room. Someone awkwardly cleared his throat.

"I'll brew some more potions and …"

"No, Severus, there's irreparable damage," came Madam Pomfrey's voice again.

A hand soothingly smoothed his hair back. "It will be okay, Harry," came Mrs. Weasley's choked voice.

"What are you all saying? That this is permanent?" His stomach flipped as a tight feeling formed in his chest.

"I've given you every healing treatment I can think of and Professor Snape has brewed the best potions. Potter, I'm afraid that your retinas were burned. Perhaps when you are strong, we can take you to St. Mungo's for a second opinion, but I'm afraid that unless a miracle happens, you have permanently lost your sight."

He attempted to sit up, but a bolt of pain shot through his head. "No, this can't be.

Draco was sure that you could heal me. You've always healed me before, remember in second year when when Lockhart removed all the bones in my arm? And when I fell off the broom after I took too many Dreamless Sleep potions? There must be something you can do?" His voice had taken on a desperate tone.

The adults in the room all looked, uncomfortable; Tonks, Molly, and Minerva choked back tears. Snape awkwardly reached out towards Harry to attempt to soothe him, but then thought better of it.

Dumbledore sat on the edge of Harry's bed, blinking rapidly while Lupin turned his back on them all, his hand over his face.

"Here, Potter, I need you to drink this." Madam Pomfrey tilted his head and assisted him with the potion.

"Will this help me see again?"

"No, Potter, it will just help calm you. You are in shock and you are recovering from multiple Cruciatus curses," the mediwitch explained.

The dark lashes fell against his pale cheeks as the seriousness of his injury sank in. He bit his lip. His breathing grew faster as the prospect of never playing Quidditch again, never seeing any of his friends' faces, not having a future because Voldemort would easily kill him and everyone he loved and cared about hit him hard. He felt himself enveloped in warm arms that he knew belonged to Mrs. Weasley.

"I'll never give up the hope that you will see again," she whispered fiercely in his ear so no one else would hear. She lovingly stroked the side of his face until he calmed down somewhat.

"We're all very glad to have you back, Harry," Lupin softly said.

"I think we should all allow him to get some rest. It's been a trying few days and a long night. We'll talk again in the morning. Never give up, Harry, miracles happen around us all the time." Dumbledore reassuringly patted his knee again.

Slowly, everyone filtered out except Molly and Severus.

"Tonks, I would like you to keep an eye on Draco," the headmaster quietly said to the young auror after the others had headed down the hallway.

"What kind of spell did you do on him?" she asked.

"I was afraid he would harm himself. It is a tracking spell so I will know exactly where he is at all times. I am very worried about him, also; something is not right."

She nodded. "I think so, too."

He regarded her over his half moon glasses. "You, more than anyone, knows what I fear may have happened."

She paled and looked at the headmaster, wide-eyed. He patted her shoulder as he turned away, leaving her standing in the hallway looking horrified.

The exhausted looking Potions Master sat down on the chair beside Harry's bed.

"It will be all right," Snape said quietly.

Harry didn't want to hear this. He wished everyone would just go away and leave him be. He rolled over away from him. He heard Snape sigh then felt a brief touch on his shoulder. "You aren't alone." Then, he was able to make out Snape's soft footsteps down the hall and out the door.

He felt Mrs. Weasley's hand on his back. She didn't say anything and he somehow sensed that she was fighting back tears. He bit his lip in misery, dampness filling his eyes. He gripped the bed sheets tightly and took a couple of deep, shuddering breaths to calm himself. The draught Pomfrey had given him overtook him and he felt himself floating away.

The lone figure of Mrs. Weasley sat in the chair by Harry's bedside, watching him sleep. His black hair lay more mussed than ever, his face pale in the light of the candle. She was relieved that at least he slept peacefully, not haunted by the horrible things that had no doubt happened during the capture. Her heart ached for him. She could feel his shock. She was worried he would sink into a depression, and shut out all those who cared for him. She vowed she wouldn't let that happen.

**Next Chapter:** "**The Nothing I've Become**." _Some of what happened during the capture is told by both Harry and Draco. Harry feels the full impact of his blindness and lashes out at almost everyone trying to help. Snape loses his temper and makes a vow to get tough on the Gryffindor. Snape is there when Draco awakens. Draco turns into a wild child, breaking rules and angering Snape in the process._

**A/N2:** _Squeeeeee, a week and a day for the Half Blood Prince! I'm not sure when I'll update next. It's going to be so hard to finish this story if JKR kills off Snape or Draco in book 6 or makes them truly evil. I'll be so disappointed and disheartened._

**Reviews are greatly appreciated – tell me what you like, what you don't like- feedback please :).**


	28. The nothing I've become

**_A/N_**: _"Well I think the title of my last chapter totally defined how I felt after reading the HBP...NUMB. That's all I'll say here as I know some of you haven't read it yet. I did really like it though, some parts I absolutely LOVED and others well ... feel free to email me if you want to chat about it all. This story has always been AU but one character in it isn't as far AU as he once was and for that I am so grateful to JKR. As for others well time will tell._

_An extra special note of thanks to those of you who reviewed or sent me emails after reading HBP and encouraged me to continue-hugs to you!_

_Grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers. _

_Thanks all…(DarkHiei11, ER Burner of Monkeys, Lyss13, Cheelalaucha, LissaPadfootluvr, Melindaleo, saskia, UT Brat, Droxy, Modanubikum, Ro, Haunt of Twilight, lucidity, Sari5156, Kyzara, lovbug080688, excessivelyperky,__ inu-youkai 911, lilith, Deb, darklink231, Catmint,__ Supernova8610, lackykaDz,__Midnightwanderer01, __Rosaleen, __me-obviously, Icy Panther, Vampire Queen, Cynthia1850, snapefan51, __Eos Evanggelys_ _Starangel1012, fanes,beachglass5387. spork princess, theLastBLACK17, missy, Hpfreakout, Ariverrunsthroughphoenix, __LiLy MaLfOy13_

_Again, this chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life."_

**_Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize who is an absolute (albeit I bet sleepy this morning) GEM!_**

Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR (whom I blame for a sleepless 3 hours on Saturday after midnight as I lay awake in denial after reading HBP)

**Chapter 28: The Nothing I've Become**

"I'm going to get Ron and Ginny; they need to know what happened. You stay with Draco," Hermione instructed as she came out of the washroom after washing her hands from the paste for Draco's wounds.

"What if he wakes up?" Neville asked, nervously glancing at the slumbering Slytherin.

"Just comfort and reassure him," she replied, then almost dissolved in giggles at the horrified expression on her friend's face.

"Um, why don't I get them and you stay here," he offered hopefully.

She grinned. "Because you're a boy and you can't get into the girls' dorm to get Ginny."

His face fell.

"Don't worry, the Dreamless Sleep potion will knock him out 'til morning," she reassured him.

"Oh, okay, if you're sure," he stammered.

She nodded and hurried out.

Ron and Ginny followed Hermione back to the Room of Requirement. "Is Harry back? Is he okay?" Ginny asked anxiously.

Ron also kept sleepily asking about Harry.

They arrived in the room to find a very relieved Neville.

"Malfoy? What is he doing here? Where's Harry?" Ron woke up instantly.

"Shhhh, calm down. They're both back. Harry is in the hospital wing. Draco assured us he's alive and that Madam Pomfrey can fix him up. All the professors are there, though, so we can't go see him 'til morning."

"How did they get away?" Ginny puzzled.

I don't know yet, but I'm sure Draco will tell us tomorrow."

"Why is Malfoy here and Harry is in the hospital wing?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"Because Harry was unconscious and Draco lied and said he didn't have any injuries. He was quite bloody and he's pretty shaken, though." Hermione explained.

Ginny suddenly let out a huge sigh of relief. "I've been so worried about Harry. Don't you think we could get the invisibility cloak and sneak in? He needs us."

"That would not be advised," came a voice from the direction of the door. They all jumped, startled to see Professor Snape standing there.

"How's Harry?" Hermione immediately demanded

He looked at her disapprovingly, pointedly ignoring her question. "What is a group of Gryffindors doing out of their dorm so late at night?" he asked silkily, making Neville cringe.

"Helping Draco!" Hermione fired back, frustrated by Snape's avoidance in telling them about Harry.

His eyes softened as he briskly walked around the corner near the bed.

"Neville made a healing paste for all the gashes made by the Gaugario Curse," she explained.

Snape looked shocked. He turned to her. "Gaugario Curse?"

She nodded. "He has five bloody gashes, but they are healing now. Please, Professor Snape, what about Harry?"

Snape exhaled sharply, glancing back at Draco. He walked back towards the anxious faces of the four Gryffindors. "He's in the hospital wing, recovering from multiple Cruciatus Curses."

Neville gasped in horror, interrupting Snape.

Snape glanced at him for a second, his dark eyes troubled. "He will recover quickly from those. He has, however, lost his sight."

Ginny's hand rose to cover her mouth.

Ron's mouth dropped open. "He's blind?" His voice was almost a whisper.

"Madam Pomfrey will be able to heal him, right? Professor Snape?" Hermione asked anxiously.

Snape cleared his throat. "It isn't looking good at the moment. I want you all to go back to your dorm. Get some sleep, and do not repeat Harry or Draco's condition to anyone." His dark eyes lingered on Neville. "Longbottom, do you need me to write down the order, or do you think you can remember it beyond the time you get out the door?"

Neville stuttered, "I, I won't say anything."

"Can we see him tomorrow?" Ginny asked.

"You'll have to check with Madam Pomfrey," Snape responded irritably, wanting the Gryffindor clan out.

After they left, he went and sat down by the bed. He carefully pulled back the blanket and saw the thick paste over the wounds. He hissed sharply, wondering why Draco hadn't said anything. He settled down in the chair next to him and turned out the lights.

Hours later, Draco awoke with a start. He fully expected to be in the dark, damp dungeon.

Snape, hearing the gasp coming from Draco's direction, lifted his wand. "_Lumos." _The light revealed that his ward had sat up and was looking around wildly, his hair damp with sweat. He was tangled in his blankets. Severus spoke to him quietly and soothingly. "It's okay, you are safe at Hogwarts."

Draco shuddered. "Severus?"

"I'm right here. How are you feeling?"

"Okay," he whispered, swallowing heavily before taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

"Why didn't you tell me that Lucius performed the Gaugario Curse on you?"

His heart jumped. Longbottom or Granger must have told him. "I didn't want to stay in the hospital ward," he responded quietly.

"I think we should go there now and have Madam Pomfrey thoroughly examine you." Snape reached forward in an attempt to help him up.

"No!" he responded, his voice sharp with panic. He flinched, then moved to the far side of the bed.

Snape frowned in confusion. "I can ask her to come here."

"I'm fine! I don't need a mediwitch! Longbottom's paste is helping heal the gashes."

"You said you were fine last night, too, and you lied to me! You made a point of saying that Potter needed help more. I've never known you to be unselfish and, judging by your reactions right now, I would say you are anything but fine," Snape chided him calmly.

Resentment entered Draco's eyes. He took a shaky breath. "I'm not lying now."

Snape was frustrated, but his main concern, at the moment, was to keep Draco calm. The last thing he wanted was for him to get so upset he would hyperventilate. He reached beside him and uncovered the tray on the nightstand. Putting a spoon into the bowl of warm oatmeal, he held the tray out to his ward.

Draco's stomach growled loudly in response to the sweet smell of cinnamon. He took it, stared at it for a moment, then, with the spoon, methodically dug out the raisins, putting them carefully on the tray.

Snape couldn't hold back the smile. Despite everything he had gone through, the young Slytherin was still the spoiled boy who did not like raisins in his oatmeal. He had forgotten. "When was the last time you ate?"

"The day we were captured." Draco was about to take a bite from the spoon he held up when suddenly he stopped. "How's Har..Potter?"

"Not good. There's a likelihood that the damage to his sight is permanent. Did you hear what spell the Dark Lord used on him?"

Draco shook his head. Suddenly, he wasn't hungry anymore. Without Harry, the Dark Lord would win. His stomach churned and he attempted to hand the uneaten oatmeal back to Snape.

"You have to eat, and you know I will make sure you do one way or another." Snape refused to take it.

"You'll force me?" he sneered at his guardian.

Snape narrowed his eyes, reached into his pocket, and handed him a vial containing an Anti-nausea potion. "I just want you to recover from this. Do you want a potion against the pain?"

"Yes, please." He grudgingly relented and downed the vial and then took a hesitant bite of the oatmeal. After downing the second potion, he attempted a few more bites. His eyes kept shutting and his head felt heavy.

"Where's your pajama top?"

"Washroom."

"Finish what's in the bowl while I fetch it."

The warm food felt good and Draco realized that a glass of pumpkin juice stood on his nightstand. He reached over and downed it thirstily. Snape came back and held out the sleeve for him to slip into. He was just about to do so when Snape unexpectantly reached out to lightly touch one of his healing wounds. He started shivering and his heart clenched tightly, making it difficult to breathe.

Snape immediately withdrew his hand. "I didn't mean to hurt you – the draught should have taken care of any pain. Here." He held out the sleeve again and Draco held his breath, trying to control the shivers, as Snape helped him into the pajama shirt.

Concerned by his ward's reaction to the pain, he quickly did up the buttons for him, then lifted his chin to look into the wide gray eyes. "It's good to have you back."

Draco's throat constricted.

"Aside from cursing you with the Cruciatus and the Gaugario, how did Lucius treat you? Seeing him must have been very difficult for you."

The teen grew silent for a moment. Snape waited patiently.

"At first he told me he cared about me and that I was his son. He apologized and told me he hadn't meant to almost kill me."

Snape looked both nauseous and anxious at the same time.

"I didn't believe him. I knew he hadn't changed." He stared at the bed covers.

"Why did he curse you?"

"He wanted me totally under his control. He said he would break me so I wouldn't disappoint him." When Draco looked up, his eyes were icy and his hands were clenched into fists so tightly that his fingers were white.

Rage flooded Snape's face. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "That's not going to happen. Did the Dark Lord talk to you?"

Draco's breathing quickened. "He cursed me for not obeying my father."

Snape's hand came to rest on his shoulder. "Are you sure you are okay? Madam Pomfrey could give you something."

Draco trembled and Snape took it for exhaustion. He didn't want to wear him out further. He was furious with Lucius and the Dark Lord. When Draco had calmed somewhat. he stated quietly, "Now that you've got some food and liquid into you, it's time to get some more sleep."

Nodding, Draco carefully laid back down on his side, wondering why the Pain Killing draught hadn't taken away the agony the Dark Lord had inflicted on him.

He looked up at Snape's dark eyes. "When, when I cursed you during the Occlumency lesson, I…"

"You don't need to explain that it was an accident. I knew that from the moment it happened."

The tightness in his chest grew. None of this would have happened if he hadn't been so stupid and run away.

"Sleep, Draco," Snape soothingly said. "How did you and Harry manage to finally escape?" Snape thought to ask as he pulled the blankets up to his shoulders.

"I Apparated us," came the sleepy reply as Draco drifted off to sleep, leaving Snape staring in disbelief.

* * *

Harry awoke again to darkness and a sinking feeling in his heart.

"I hope you are hungry because Dobby insisted on preparing every breakfast food in existence," came Dumbledore's clear voice.

"Is it true, sir? Is it true that I'll never see again?" Harry asked directly.

"Harry, I don't know the answer to that. I do believe, however, that one must not take everything at face value. I have seen miracles."

"So there is hope?"

"There is always hope," came Dumbledore's serene reply. "Now, please eat a bite of this porridge that Dobby has so lovingly prepared."

"Later. I'm really not hungry."

Dumbledore frowned at the pale figure on the bed with the big bandages around his eyes and head.

"Now that you've had some rest, can you remember what happened? What kind of spell he used on you?"

"No." Harry tried to remember the exact words, but there was nothing. "All I remembered was a searing pain and then nothing. "How is Draco?"

"Harry, what happened to Draco?"

Harry didn't know how to answer. He had made a promise. He hesitated.

"Lucius was hard on him. Snape needs to talk to him."

"Professor Snape, Harry."

He nodded. He wasn't ready to reveal everything that had happened. Just then, he heard a flurry of footsteps and he recognized the voices of Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Neville, and Luna as they rushed in.

Dumbledore quietly said, "I will leave you with your fiends."

"How are you feeling, Harry?" came Hermione's anxious voice as she took his hand. He felt his other hand clasped and he knew it was Ginny doing so.

"I'm okay, I guess."

"Snape told us about, well, about you not being able to see," came Ron's worried voice.

"I will immediately research every potion in the library and…"

"Don't bother," Harry said to Hermione's offer, frustration in his voice. "Snape's already explored that."

"What about Herbology? I can check all the plants and…" Neville offered, but Harry cut him off, too.

"Madam Pomfrey would know if there was something."

Ginny found herself growing increasingly irritated by Harry's refusal to try anything.

"Well, lying here biting our heads off isn't going to bring back your eyesight," she snapped.

They all looked at her, shocked by her outburst.

"What do you expect him to do, Ginny? Hop on his broomstick and fly off looking for a cure?" Hermione replied bitterly.

"No, of course not." She sighed feeling guilty. "Just be open to suggestions and not be so negative."

"I'm blind, Ginny. How can I not be negative," he said quietly.

"I didn't mean it that way." She squeezed his hand reassuringly and was pleased that his hold tightened in turn. "Just don't give up hope. It just happened, after all."

"How did you escape?" Ron asked.

"Draco apparated us both."

Ron's mouth hung open in disbelief. "Malfoy? Saved YOU?"

Harry didn't reply right away, the image of the shaking Slytherin in his mind. If he had had any doubts about him before, they were laid to rest this time. Despite his own situation, he felt a wave of pity for him, knowing what he believed had been done to him.

"Yes, but please, don't badger him for details about what happened. Lucius was horrific and I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about it. He's in bad shape."

Ron scoffed, "He's not the one in the hospital wing!"

Harry said very quietly, "He should be."

Hermione frowned at his words. Was he referring to the Gaugario Curse or did a lot more happen? "Harry, can you tell us everything that happened?"

He wasn't sure if he wanted to. The children and Voldemort's vision of the future were disturbing. What bothered him, almost as much, was his inability to end it all. Voldemort had stopped him easily and, if it hadn't been for Draco, who knows if he'd still be alive. He shook his head.

"Please, Harry?" Hermione asked again.

"How did you two get captured in the first place?" Neville asked.

"Draco accidentally _Crucio_'d Snape during an Occlumency lesson. I found him and Snape told me to bring Draco back."

"Was Snape mad?" Ginny asked.

"No, I think just worried. Draco ran into the Forbidden Forest."

"That git!"

Harry smiled slightly at Ron's never-ending animosity towards Malfoy.

Hermione grew defensive. "I'm sure he wasn't thinking rationally after having cursed Professor Snape."

"Are you sure it wasn't just a set up?" Ron accused.

The image of Draco huddled against the wall petrified, in shock and in pain, flitted through his mind. "No, and don't want any of you to imply that it was. He's going through hell!"

"Harry, what happened to him?" Hermione pressed.

He shook his head and grimaced. "If he wants to talk about it, it's up to him."

"Harry?" Hermione asked, exasperated.

"NO! I'm tired. Can you all just leave?"

"We care about you," Ginny said firmly.

"That won't make me see again!" he snapped.

Just then, Snape walked in. He frowned, narrowing his eyes at Harry. "I think you all need to leave now, Potter is cranky and obviously needs a nap!"

Harry bristled.

Ginny squeezed Harry's shoulder. "I'll be back later."

"It will be okay, Harry!" Hermione assured him.

"We're here for you," came Ron's voice. One by one, with assurances that they'd be back or that everything would all right, they left.

"Get up, Harry," ordered Snape.

"What! I'm not going anywhere," he stated stubbornly.

"You need to walk around and not just lie here on your back all day. The sooner you get to your feet, the sooner we can start training you to get around without your sight."

"You can't be serious. I'm rather useless now, don't you think! But then again, you've always thought that I was useless to start with."

Snape stopped and stared at him. His past with Harry was going to create obstacles, especially now that Harry's defensives were up full force.

"There have, of course, been those moments – especially your lack of effort in potions – but I expect you to deal with this situation with the bravery accredited to you by your adoring public."

"This situation? It's more than a situation! I'm bloody blind; I can't see a thing! I can't stop Voldemort! Nothing you do will change that!" Harry yelled at him, his frustration building.

"Oh, I plan on changing that. I'm not going to sit around, fawning over you and being at your beck and call like I'm sure your adoring public will do. Poor Harry Potter, let's give him lots of sympathy so he can continue to feel sorry for himself and lay about, whining over his misfortunes! What happened to you is tragic, but we will deal with this and we will make you capable!"

"SOD OFF! Just sod off! Go pay attention to Draco. He's the one that needs your help. You are, after all, HIS guardian, not mine!

Snape stepped back. "Draco, aside from being a bit shaken, is fine."

"Astute as ever!" Harry snapped

"What are you implying, Potter?"

Harry took a deep breath. "Nothing, just leave me alone."

"I will not leave you alone to lay here and wallow. Now get up! That's an order, not a request," Snape snarled in his low, silky voice, making the hair on Harry's neck twinge.

When he didn't move, he felt his blankets pulled back and his arm grabbed firmly. Despite his struggles, he felt himself lifted to his feet.

Snape's voice was calmer. "Walk beside me. Use your senses to listen to my breathing, the sound of my shoes, any familiar scents."

Harry, feeling angry and uncharitable, snarled, "Like the smell of grease in your hair?"

Snape bristled. His hand on Harry's arm tightened uncomfortably, then he closed his eyes tightly to calm himself. He knew Harry was in shock, but he also knew how easy it would be for him to just give up.

He straightened and glared at the teen, but then remembered that he couldn't see him. In his most dangerous, silky voice that usually made people cringe, he icily replied, "I suggest you think before you speak, as that seems to be something you have trouble managing."

"Or what?" Harry challenged, ignoring the prickle of fear that worked its way up his back.

"Or you will find yourself in detention with me every night this week."

Harry snorted. "Unless you are after my company, I certainly wouldn't be much use to you."

"On the contrary. I need slugs sorted by size and I'm sure your sense of touch hasn't been altered," he said coldly. He stopped walking and let go of Harry.

"Find your way to the washroom," Snape ordered calmly.

Harry stood transfixed. He took a tentative step, his heart beating wildly. His anger at Snape grew. Why was he doing this to him? He took another step and hissed as his knee connected with a bedrail. He turned again. "I can't do this. Get me back to the bed."

"No, Harry. The sooner you become independent, the sooner your confidence will come back."

"Are you deaf? I can never defeat Voldemort now! I couldn't even do it yesterday, and I could still see then!"

"What would your father think of you now? His son, a coward and a quitter? Ready to crawl under the covers? Can't say I'm surprised; like father, like son!"

"Shut up, Snape! Shut up! Don't you dare bring my father into this. My mother was right to pick my father over a slimy, cruel git like you!" Harry shouted, the anxiety of the last few days catching up to him.

Snape's hand shot out and slapped Harry hard across the mouth.

They both froze.

* * *

_Next Chapter_: "**frozen inside**." Dumbledore looks for answers, and things are tense for Snape and Harry. Snape makes a vow to Harry after he has a nightmare about the capture. (And finally what I couldn't fit into this chapter), Draco turns into a wild child, breaking rules and angering Snape in the process while attempting to deal with what happened.

**A/N:** _please review I really love hearing from you._


	29. Frozen Inside

**A/N:** _You know when you watch a two-part movie or a TV series and it ends with a cliffhanger that makes you gasp? You usually only have to wait a week or two 'til it continues?With HBP, we have a heart-wrenching cliffhanger and we have to wait a minimum of two years to find out what happens. In the meantime, we agonize over potential theories and cling to certain hopes...and likely live in denial.Torturous isn't it?_

Grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers. Thanks all…

Arafel2, Rosaleen, Emnity, Catmint, Cheelalaucha, Missy, missy, helloitsme-again, Hpfreakout, Melindaleo, Marleen, theLastBLACK17, Droxy, Dark Mirkwood Elf, ER Burner of Monkeys, lucidity, saskia, Sari5156, lackykaDz, DebzThePadFootmoonyPron, Staporize, kiirby, Modanubikum, DNA strand, Iloveyourstory, DarkHiei11, Midnightwanderer01, Lisa Rose, Lyss13, Dark Cloaks, baby sweet, darklink231, inu-youkai 911, Supernova8610, Sever13, o,O, kendl, Vampire Queen

Again. this chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life".

Big thank you, as always, to my sleepy and exhausted beta, Staporize…sweet dreams.

Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR, who has bewitched us all!

**Chapter 29: Frozen Inside**

Harry couldn't believe that Snape had just slapped him. His cheek stung sharply and brought back unpleasant memories of Uncle Vernon. He didn't know what to say, his heart hammered in his chest, and he felt lightheaded. Obviously, the fact that he was now blind had changed Snape's feelings for him and he had gone back to hating him.

"What do you think you are doing? How could you? He just came back from a horrible ordeal, has lost his sight, and you, you hit him!" Ginny screamed at Snape, angry enough to slap his sallow face herself. She had just come back to the hospital wing to ask Harry if he wanted a cane to use to make it easier for him to get around. She had gasped in shock when she saw the Potions Master slap Harry.

His eyes grew cold. "I suggest, Miss Weasley, that you turn around and leave. Immediately!"

"Not until I get Harry back to bed." Her eyes flashed angrily.

"You will do no such thing!" he hissed at her, his voice barely above a whisper. "I will not let you coddle the boy. NOW GET OUT!" he snarled at her.

She shrank back from the tone in his voice, but then, as she glanced at Harry's pale face with the red mark on one cheek, she felt a surge of courage.

"I won't let you hurt him again!" The words had barely came out of her mouth before Harry stumbled and started to sink to the floor.

Before Snape could even move, Ginny had caught Harry, wrapping her arms around him. "Are you all right?"

Feeling dizzy, his head swimming, he grabbed onto her arm to steady himself. He took some deep breaths to try and clear his head.

Snape dropped to the ground beside him. "Potter, have you eaten?"

He carefully shook his head. The pain in his scar and eyes that he had had when Voldemort cursed him was back, and he found himself panting in agony from it. He felt Ginny put her head down on his as she rubbed his back. "We'll get you back to bed and put some food into you," she murmured reassuringly.

Harry was struck, for a moment, by the similarities between Mrs. Weasley and her daughter, both trying to get food into him. He almost smiled despite the pain.

"Why didn't you eat your breakfast?" Snape asked, his tone more concerned than impatient. He lifted Harry and practically carried him back to the bed as he glanced at the nightstand with various plates of uneaten food.

Harry's mouth felt dry and he found waves of darkness sweeping over him. Snape put a vial to his lips. "Drink this, it will help."

The pain started to ebb a little.

"Here, Harry, eat a little of this," Ginny pleaded as she placed a spoonful of oatmeal to his lips. He took it with one hand and swallowed a mouthful.

Snape didn't interfere this time, although he was of the opinion that Harry was perfectly capable of feeding himself. However, he let Ginny coax the teen into eating something. He knew she would likely have more success at it than he would.

Snape watched silently until Harry had finished the bowl. "Miss Weasley, I do insist you go to your classes now."

"No. Harry needs someone who cares about him." She glared at him, unafraid.

For a moment, her determination reminded him of Lily. He shook his head at the memory and narrowed his eyes. "This is not open for discussion! I will ensure that Potter has all that he requires. Now GO!"

She gave Snape a look of suspicion and reluctantly let go of Harry. "I'll be back to make sure you're all right."

Harry missed her comforting touch as she let go of him. He registered Snape pacing the floor by his bed.

"Are you feeling any better?" Snape asked.

"My head still hurts, but, yes, I'm not so dizzy," he responded, feeling unnerved by Snape's previous action.

Snape's pacing paused near him and his hand lightly touched the cheek he had just slapped. "You really are an idiot boy sometimes. Why didn't you just tell me how you were feeling?"

"You weren't exactly in the mood for listening," Harry said quietly.

Snape snorted.

* * *

When Draco next awoke, he startled to find the headmaster sitting by his bedside. He gingerly sat up, looking wary.

"Dear boy, you have been through quite an ordeal. How are you?" Dumbledore asked, peering at him over the rim of his half-moon glasses.

His heart started racing and he remembered to attempt to block his thoughts. "I'm better now that I'm here."

"Draco. Draco, you know you can trust me?"

He nodded.

Dumbledore sat up a little straighter and sighed softly. "When you are ready to talk, and if it's me you want to talk to, I am available anytime, day or night."

He didn't respond, just fingered the blanket.

The headmaster nodded sadly, realizing that the blond Slytherin wasn't ready to reveal anything about himself yet.

"I'm here to ask you for a favour. I need to know what happened in those moments prior to Voldemort performing that spell on Harry."

Draco flinched at the Dark Lord's name, his heart thumping uncomfortably fast.

"Just take your time," Dumbledore said softly.

He didn't want to think about anything that had happened there. He just wanted to block that memory and not deal with it. But he knew how important it was for Harry to see again, so that he could defeat the Dark Lord.

"Har...Potter was able to do the Cruciatus on my aunt, without his wand. She fell to the floor screaming and didn't stop for a while. Then, Potter looked at the Dark Lord and a white light came from his eyes. The Dark Lord stepped aside and then uttered that spell on Harry. I , I can't remember what it was."

Dumbledore nodded, "Likely _Incendo_. It is a very dark curse indeed; it burns its victims."

"I couldn't do anything to stop him. I didn't have my wand at that point and..."

"Shhhh. I do understand, dear boy, don't upset yourself. I am remarkably proud of you for being so resourceful and skilled to apparate both yourself and Harry out of there. It was an act of skill and bravery." He smiled at him gently.

Pride welled in Draco's heart. The most powerful wizard on the side of the light was proud of him. He smiled weakly.

Dumbledore extended his hand out to him, "Well done, Draco."

He shook the headmaster's old, wrinkly hand, which squeezed his tightly and then reassuringly patted his shoulder.

"Remember, Draco, you have four guardians here at Hogwarts who care very much about you. You are not alone. And I must insist that you do not return to the Slytherin dorm room tonight. If word of your escape with Harry reaches some of the Slytherin students, you will be in grave danger. You will, from here on, stay with Professor Snape."

"NO! No, I can't." His eyes were wide with fright and his voice shook.

"Has Professor Snape been unkind to you? Are you worried he would hurt you?" Dumbledore queried, knowing full well what the answer would be.

The blond Slytherin quickly shook his head.

"Then, Draco, you will stay safe." With that, he got up and, summoning Draco some clothes, took him to Snape's quarters. He left Draco sitting on the sofa.

Draco took a deep, shaky breath. He was worried sick that he would have nightmares and Snape would know what happened. No one could ever know. He shuddered as he attempted to get up. The silence of Snape's room was interrupted by Pansy bursting through the doors.

"Draco, are you all right? I've been worried sick about you." She hurled himself into his arms. He stiffened for a moment but then started to relax as she covered his face with kisses.

"I'm okay. Just promise me that, whatever you hear, don't believe it until you talk to me. You know Zabini will make up stuff and try to discredit me. I think his father is trying to unseat my father as the Dark Lord's right hand man."

"Of course, Draco. I would never believe anything bad about you."

He winced slightly as she brushed up against one of his gashes; they were almost healed, but still a little sore. She climbed on the bed beside him and cuddled close. At first, he froze, but then the scent of her expensive perfume assailed him. She was warm and feminine and he put his arms around her. An idea sprang into his mind: sleeping with her might knock those awful memories of what the Dark Lord did out of his thoughts. He kissed her and Pansy moaned loudly, as she always  
had in the past when they snogged.

Awkwardly, he tried to unbutton her shirt, finding himself reluctant to do it.

"That is quite enough!" came Snape's angry voice.

He had just left Harry alone to get some rest and returned to his room to do some more research when he walked in on his ward snogging Pansy Parkinson.

The two guilty looking teens jumped as he walked in. "Miss Parkinson, shouldn't you be in class?"

She nodded hastily, buttoning her blouse and running out of the room.

Snape stood with arms folded and glared at Draco. "I would think you had other things on your mind. How far has this gone?" he asked coldly.

Draco bristled at the question. "You know I haven't done anything. I'm not allowed."

"I know you were supposed to be focused on becoming a Death Eater and not be preoccupied by snogging and such. However, since you are no longer under Lucius' orders and will no longer be a Death Eater, I am worried. Are you being responsible? Are you taking actions to ensure Miss Parkinson doesn't end up popping out pale little wizards?"

Draco flushed a dull pink.

"We haven't done anything."

"Good! I expect you to practice some restraint."

Defiance rose in Draco. "Why should I? I'm sixteen! Lots of the Slytherins are doing it. I bet even Hufflepuffs are!"

"I'm not concerned about the Hufflepuffs; I'm concerned about you. I am your guardian, in case you have forgotten. Since you are obviously feeling well enough to be snogging, you may as well attend your classes. I want you back in here by 8:00pm, no excuses," said Snape in a tone that brooked no argument.

The blond didn't reply right away, just glared at him furiously.

Snape raised an eyebrow at him. "Well?"

"You don't understand!" Draco said flatly

"About what? Your hormones are raging, you fancy yourself in love with Ms. Parkinson, as well as, perhaps, Ms Granger. Or maybe there are more?" said Snape sardonically.

Draco grabbed his cloak and stormed out without a word.

As the door slammed shut behind him, Snape let out a sigh of frustration. He had meant to be more patient with him, but his encounter with Harry had put him in a foul mood. He went over to his wall of books and picked out four to read in the hopes of finding something to help Harry. Despite Poppy's grim prognosis, he hadn't given up on finding something that would restore the boy's sight.

Draco tore out of Hogwarts, anxiety welling in his heart, tears blurring his sight. Even after his father had almost killed him he'd never felt so desperate, so restless, so worthless. He picked up his pace and headed to Hogsmeade.

* * *

Hours later, Snape headed back to the hospital wing, in his hand was a vial containing a tangerine coloured liquid. He arrived to find Harry asleep. He was laying on his side, his face pale, his mop of black hair mussed over his eyes.

He quietly sat down by his bedside.

Harry's heart gave a painful lurch as he once again found himself in Dumbledore's office surrounded by portraits of everyone he cared about, but this time he couldn't see them but could only hear their sad voices.

"Harry, it wasn't your fault that you were blinded," Hermione said sympathetically.

"There's nothing you could have done to save us - you were blind," said Ginny, trying to make him feel better.

"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named never again saw you as a threat," Lupin stated.

Gasping, he sprang into a sitting position, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

"Harry?"

It took him a minute to register that it was Snape who was speaking to him. Embarrassed, he unfolded his arms.

"Did you have a nightmare about the capture?"

Harry didn't respond. He was uncertain as to what to expect from Snape since the slap. He heard Snape sigh. "I've been brewing a new potion for your eyes. I have it with me. I thought you might like to try it."

Harry still didn't respond. Dark thoughts from his dream flitted through his head, despair that he would never see again and the likelihood that Voldemort would win stole the air from his lungs.

"Are you sulking because I slapped you?" Snape asked pointedly. "Look, you were behaving like some obnoxious…" He stopped. He suddenly realized that the black-haired teen was trembling.

"Harry?" he questioned, slightly touching his shoulder.

Harry took a great shuddering breath and regained control but still didn't speak.

Snape swallowed uncomfortably. The queasy feeling in his stomach that had been there ever since he had slapped Harry intensified.

He got up and moved closer sitting on the edge of the bed. As gently as he could, he removed the bandages over his eyes. He noted that the emerald eyes were dry and free of tears, but the youth was obviously shaken.

"Let's try the potion shall we? I need you to tilt your head back a bit." He uncorked the vial and put five droplets of the bright liquid into both of Harry's eyes.

The boy gasped.

"What is it? Can you see something?"

"No, it just feels odd. Cold, as if my eyes are going to freeze," he whispered softly.

Snape's heart sank. They sat in silence for a few moments.

"Maybe it needs a second dose?" Harry asked hopefully.

"No, I'm afraid not. If it doesn't work on the first attempt, it won't work, period."

The teen looked devastated, his head dropping to his chest.

"I vow, Harry, that I will not give up trying to find a way to get your eyesight back. But, if that doesn't happen, I will ensure you are one, self sufficient, and two…"

"I cannot defeat Voldemort being blind!" Harry interrupted, his anger over his situation intensifying.

"You can, and I will help you," said Snape firmly.

"Bullocks! You just like torturing me as you've always done! Only now I can't defend myself. I give up. Do what you want to do but don't expect my cooperation!"

The words hit hard. He had thought that this school year had helped to end the animosity between them. This would make his instruction tenfold harder. "You can obviously still defend yourself with your mouth. For the record, Potter, torturing you is the last of my concerns." He got up off the bed and returned to his office to prepare the lesson for his next class.

Harry squashed the tiny pang of regret he felt, focusing instead on the feeling of hopelessness sweeping over him. If he didn't know better, he'd have thought the hospital was filled with 20 dementors.

* * *

Looking around himself warily, Draco entered the Hog's Head. He slammed down some money and demanded the best Firewhisky. The old bar keep looked him up and down. "Don't serve minors!" he barked at him sternly.

Draco slammed down some more money. "What about now?" he sneered unpleasantly. The bartender eyed the stack of coins and, in reply, handed Draco a bottle. "I'd like a glass - a clean one!" Draco demanded. He was handed one that had seen better days, but at least it wasn't filthy. Without a word of thanks, he grabbed it and took the glass and bottle to a deserted table in a dark corner. He gulped the hot, fiery liquid down, remembering how sick it had made him last time, but he didn't care. Anything to get those awful memories of the Dark Lord out of his head, anything to dull the pain he still felt, anything to pretend this had never happened.

The door suddenly sprang open and, for a moment, his heart missed a beat, but it was just some tousled looking witch who appeared to have seen better days. Her busy brown hair and dark eyes had reminded him of Hermione a bit. She threw a crooked smile in his direction then plunked herself on a barstool.

Draco drank the rest of his bottle slowly as the afternoon waned and darkness settled. More patrons came and went. Some obviously were frequent clientele while others seemed to just want a drink. He didn't recognize anyone and, for that, he was grateful. His head started to spin a bit and he finished off his last drink. He got up and the room spun. After blinking for a moment and taking some deep breaths, he walked slowly to the door. His eyes met those of the young witch again and she smiled at him again. He made it to the school grounds, but when he arrived his stomach churned uncomfortably and he bent over, throwing up. When his arm was suddenly grasped, he shrieked and pulled his wand out to hex whoever it was…

"My, we are in trouble, aren't we?" came a sneering voice and he realized Filch had grabbed him.

"Ouch, let go!" he demanded as Filch dragged him into the castle by the ear.

He tried to squirm away, but the grip on his ear tightened and he winced. Feeling faint and dizzy he was he was dragged down to Snape's office.

When the door opened, Filch said, "Found him. You might be interested to know that the boy was puking his guts out after entering Hogwarts grounds. I'm betting he had a nice stint drinking the day away in Hogsmeade." He threw him forward and Draco found himself in his guardian's steel grip.

Before he could protest, an overwhelming urge to vomit again overcame him and he found himself emptying more Firewhisky onto Snape's robes. He released him quickly with a snort of disgust and, cursing under his breath, he performed a cleaning spell.

He then left the room, slamming the door shut behind him, leaving Draco standing unsteady and bewildered in the middle of the floor.

Snape stood shaking outside of the door. The thought of caning the arrogant, disobedient whelp briefly brought a malicious smile to his face, but, realizing that if he did that he would be just like Lucius not to mention his own father, made the smile vanish. He had already lost control once today with Harry. For fear of doing just that again, he had had to leave the room quickly. The idiot child had risked capture and who knows what else by leaving school grounds. Not to mention getting drunk and lessening his chances of defending himself. And, to top it all off, it was 9:00 pm, one hour after he had told him to be in his room. To say he was furious was an understatement. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to throttle the brat and teach him some respect.

After a few minutes of deep breaths, he realized the biggest part of his anger stemmed from worry. For the last hour he had searched the entire school and grounds. Since the headmaster wasn't around, he couldn't even consult with him for advice. Minerva and Remus had no idea where Draco had disappeared to, but both were concerned and also searched for him. They hadn't expected him to attend classes so soon after the capture and chided Snape for insisting he go. Perhaps he had been too hard on him – or perhaps not hard enough, considering the dangerous stunt he had just pulled.

He turned and reentered the room. Draco wasn't there, but, judging by the retching sounds coming form the bathroom, he knew where to find him. "As of today, for a period of two weeks, you will attend your classes, you will eat your meals in the Great Hall, and then I expect you to be in this room by 6:30 pm!"

After wiping his mouth, Draco stood up, pale faced, but his eyes glittered and narrowed. "No! You can't, I won't!"

"I can and I will, even if that means I have to drag you out of wherever you are – and it does not matter to me who you are with – and throw you into this room then I will do so!"

Draco's breathing grew labored. "You have no right, you can't! You aren't my only guardian and in 2 months I'll be 17! You won't be able to make me do anything!" Draco shouted defiantly.

Snape sneered maliciously. "Perhaps, but in the meantime I will have two months to mold you into a responsible and intelligent human being. As for your other guardians, why don't we meet with Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Lupin to see how much support they are willing to give for you getting stinking drunk and reckless, endangering not only yourself but the entire student body!"

He reached out to grab Draco, but the blond, with a gasp of fear, shrank back, shaking.

"Get to bed before I do something we will both regret!"

Biting his lower lip, all pretence of defiance gone, Draco scrambled into his room, changed into his pajamas, and climbed under the covers..

Snape sat in the living area well past midnight, stroking Loki continuously, trying to calm his raw nerves. He knew both Harry and Draco were upset with him, but he doubted either of them could come close to understanding how he had felt when they had disappeared. He had them back now, but Harry was determined to wallow in his blindness and Draco was determined to defy him at every turn, endangering himself yet again. He felt terrible now that he had slapped Harry, he tried to convince himself that the brat's words had justified it. But his stomach recoiled at the thought. His mind drifted to Draco. When he was harsh with him Draco obeyed but it was only because of fear. He didn't want to parent him that way but he didn't know of any other way.

He took comfort in the large, purring cat on his lap and resolved to speak to Tonks about both boys tomorrow. The thought of Tonks made him feel warm again inside and he was finally able to retire for the night.

**Next Chapter:** _"My Spirit's Sleeping Somewhere Cold." More Draco wild child as he defies Snape's orders, yet again. Snape has a sleepless night sitting up with Draco as he experiences the aftermath of a bad decision. Snape works a resentful Harry hard, but Harry gets lots of sympathy from his fellow Gryffindors as well as most of the professors, Ginny makes an observation about Harry. Snape and Tonks talk._

_**A/N#2:** Review review, I'll try to update again next Friday!_


	30. My Spirit's Sleeping Somewhere Cold

_**A/N:**_ _An eight-year-old neighbour came into my backyard recently. She immediately spotted the fuzzy, white blond caterpillar munching on my little lilac tree. I have loved these fuzzy caterpillars, ever since I was little, and as I got older I've always named them 'Tahiti,' since they are the colour of white, golden beaches. Well, as soon as she saw him, she immediately called him… "Draco!" Then she proceeded to tell me that Draco Malfoy is a character in the Harry Potter books and that his hair colour is the same as my caterpillar. In retrospect, I just wanted to let you all know that (giggles) Draco is currently living in my lilac tree._

Grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers. Thanks all…

starangel2106, Cheelalaucha, baby sweet, Chips Challenge, Rosaleen, UT Brat, Emnity, darklink231, Hpfreakout, Sari5156, Supernova8610, Melindaleo, snapefan51, Lyss13, Catmint, lucidity, Droxy, DarkHiei11, excessivelyperky, abbey, DNA strand, IcyPanther, helloitsme-again, deatheatertwo, Firestar, Swiffer,

Rotem, Vampire Queen, inu-youkai 911, zen, Severa Lilia,

A special thanks to icy panther, who I forgot to add to the list last time. Draco sends a bottle of Firewhisky and says cheers! (make sure Snape doesn't catch you)

Again, this chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life."

Big Thank You to my lovely beta, Staporize!

Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 30: My Spirit's Sleeping Somewhere Cold**

Draco awoke the following morning feeling wretched. He had spent the first part of the night hanging over the toilet, and the second half trying to dispel the raging headache that had come on. It was almost dawn when he finally managed to briefly fall asleep. He sat up slowly and brought his hands over his face. Why did everything always turn out so badly for him?

After a few minutes, he felt the bed shift and opened his bleary eyes to find Snape sitting on the bed. He cringed as the dark eyes looked cold and stern. Therefore, it was much to his amazement that Snape handed him a vial. In his other hand, he held a glass of water.

Draco took the vial and drank it, and when Snape handed him the water he drank that also.

"You are dehydrated; you'll need to drink lots of fluids today. The potion was to get rid of your, no doubt, painful headache," Snape stated in a controlled voice.

Draco nodded gratefully.

Snape abruptly got up. "Remember, Draco, 6:30pm you are to be back in here!"

Draco didn't answer.

Draco sat with the Slytherins for breakfast, not eating much. No one gave him a hard time, and he realized that none of them likely knew what he had done yet. He would need to come up with a story. The owl post came and he picked up the copy of the Daily Prophet that Pansy subscribed to. There had been more Death Eater attacks. A new minister of magic had been appointed, a Rufus Scrimageour. He ignored both articles as a small ad caught his eye:

"_Amensentis – the way to escape reality. Available in Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley by prescription only. This latest drug is designed for the depressed witch or wizard, and is guaranteed to give a sense of euphoria and send all bad thoughts to the back of your mind."_

This drug could help him escape what had happened to him. He remembered Snape's rules, but this was one small trip that would be worth the risk. He'd go right before his last class of the day, when he had a free period. No one would be the wiser.

* * *

Ginny, Ron, and Hermione stopped by the hospital wing to visit Harry before class. They got in just as Lupin was leading Harry out of the washroom.

"Hey, mate," Ron greeted him.

"I brought you a plate of blueberry pancakes," Ginny told him.

"Hi, thanks," Harry responded, his voice quiet, subdued, his face slightly flushed.

Lupin had a grip on his arm and led him back to the bed. "I have to go. Take it slow, Harry."

"Well darn. I had a Quidditch match all lined up," he responded resentfully.

"Harry!" Hermione's voice was full of reproach.

"Harry, dear, how are you this morning?" asked Mrs. Weasley, hurrying in with what looked like a handful of purple and orange speckled beets.

"Well, I'm still blind," he replied.

"Yes, poor dear. I'm sorry I can't stay, but I'm on my way to a class." She looked at Ron and Hermione sternly and continued, "a class you are both supposed to be in."

"I wouldn't miss it, Professor Weasley, I just want to cut up Harry's pancake for him." Hermione proceeded to do so.

Ginny stood back and frowned.

"Thanks, 'Mione," was Harry's response after she put the plate on his lap and placed the fork in his hand. She, Ron, and Mrs. Weasley left.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have someone feed it to you as well?" Ginny couldn't resist saying.

Harry froze with his fork halfway to his mouth. He dropped it down to the plate angrily. "What do you mean?"

"Well, seems to me you are taking advantage of your situation. You know Professor Snape is right – you need to start doing things for yourself."

"Thanks, Ginny, nice to know you are siding with Snape all of a sudden. What did he do? Promise you a good grade in Potions to gang up on me with him?"

Ginny was mad enough to slap him herself for a moment. She took a deep, angry breath. "You really are turning into a prat! I thought you had more courage, Harry." She spat the words at him and angrily left the hospital wing.

A moment of fury washed over Harry. He threw his plate as hard as he could and noted with satisfaction the sound of it shattering.

Madam Pomfrey's voice came immediately full of concern. "Mr. Potter? Are you all right? What happened?" She noticed the smashed plate. "Oh dear." She had just taken out her wand to clean up the smashed pieces when Snape walked in.

"What happened here?" he demanded.

"It appears that Mr. Potter's plate got smashed."

"So, precious Potter is now smashing plates?" Snape's voice sneered.

"Sod off," Harry growled.

"Poppy, Mr. Potter made the mess, he will clean it up."

"But Severus, he can't possibly…" she started to protest.

"Oh, yes he can. Get up, Harry!"

When the black-haired teen didn't move, Snape grabbed his arm and pulled him out of bed.

"Get off me!" Harry shouted as he struggled to break his grip. He was tired of Snape trying to bully him.

He felt his other shoulder being gripped and Snape gave him a hard shake.

"I know you are in shock, and I realize being blind is rather traumatic for you, but that is no excuse to behave as you are! I would have thought you would have some pride and would want to be as self sufficient as possible. Or tell me, Potter, do you prefer being led to the potty? Do you enjoy being hand fed? Being dressed? I can tell you one thing, if this had happened to your mother, she would have faced it with a lot more courage than you!"

Harry pulled back violently out of Snape's grasp. The harsh words caused his heart to clench painfully, and he lost his balance, slipping on one of the shards of the broken plate. He found himself sprawled on the floor, his hand stinging sharply.

Snape cursed loudly and fell to his knees by the bleeding teen. He pulled out his wand and grabbed Harry's hand. Harry, breathing harshly, sat up, backed against the night table, and pulled up his knees.

Snape muttered some spell in a sing song voice and the pain faded from his hand. Snape felt a strong twinge of guilt. Harry was incredibly white, his black lashes resting against his pale skin.

"Flex your hand for me," he said a lot more coldly than he had meant to.

The hand flexed, apparently without pain.

"Good." Snape conjured up a pan and brush and thrust them into Harry's hand. "Clean up the mess you made," he ordered, then added in a softer tone, "but be careful."

At fist, Harry didn't move. Then, very slowly and hesitantly, he put the brush down, listening for shards of the plate, and swept them into the pan.

Snape had to give him credit. He didn't stop until he had checked the entire area by sweeping the brush along slowly.

"Well done," he stated, trying to keep the growing relief out of his voice. He'd get Harry cooperating yet.

He took the pan and brush and put them out of Harry's way. "Now, stand up and we'll focus on navigating around the room."

A big part of Harry wanted to defy Snape, but he knew the man would just be relentless with him. Plus, he didn't fancy being slapped across the face again. He meekly got to his feet, but resentment burned in his eyes. It did not go unnoticed by Snape.

In a soft, quiet tone, Snape spoke. "I do understand how much this is hell for you. Although you won't believe me right now, everything I am doing is in your best interest."

Harry snorted, shaking his head.

"Put your hand down and feel where the edge of the bed is."

Harry obliged.

"Walk to the end. Now, turn to your right."

Harry turned left.

Snape gave a small, stifled laugh that sounded like a cough. "Try your other right."

Harry felt his face turn red and immediately headed right so fast he walked right into Snape. A strong arm came around him to stop him from stumbling.

"Good, now that we have you heading in the right direction, take a few steps and use the end of the other beds as your guide. There are three beds between you and the washroom."

Harry walked slowly, concentrating. He bashed his shin on one bed and, grimacing, limped along to the next. Soon he was at the end of the third bed.

"Use the bed post as your guide and walk straight across from it. Keep your arms out so you can feel the doorframe to the washroom." He did as he was told, even though this was all very tedious. He started to feel a sense of satisfaction when he found the washroom. That feeling was dashed, however, and replaced by embarrassment as Snape made him locate the toilet, sink, and shower.

The whole exercise had taken a long time and his head and eyes were starting to ache again. "Now retrace your steps."

Harry winced.

"Why aren't you moving?" Snape demanded.

He knew telling Snape about the pain would be pointless; he'd think he was lying.

He forced his body to move forward and yelped as, once again, his shin connected with the end of the last table.

"Slowly, Potter! You need to move slower until you are sure of how many steps to take."

His hand came up to rub his aching scar.

Snape snorted angrily. "Do not move. I'll be right back."

When Harry turned, he felt his hand grabbed and a vial placed in it. "Drink it, it will relieve the pain."

The relief was almost instantaneous.

"From now on, don't be such a stubborn child. If you are in pain, tell me!" Snape hissed.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, sir."

The next two hours were extremely tedious as Snape made Harry walk to and from the washroom until he was finally able to do it without smashing his shin, stumbling, or walking into walls.

"You did well," Snape stated. "Tomorrow, we are going to work on shielding yourself from spells."

The relief he had felt just moment before vanished. "I can't deflect spells! I can't even see them! Look, I can find my way to and from the washroom now, but to think I can do magic without my sight? That's just plain bollocks!"

"You can and you will do magic," Snape firmly stated.

"I will not!" he shouted at Snape desperately. He shrank back as the Potions Master suddenly hissed in his ear. He felt breath on his neck and realized how close he was.

"If you learn to shut your mouth and put your concentration into learning, you will, indeed, be able to do magic by sensing it!"

Having said that, he left. His angry, clipped steps echoed across the hospital wing.

* * *

Snape went up to the Astronomy Tower, transformed into his animagus shape and flew off the ramparts. He soared high over Hogwarts and into the Forbidden Forest, enjoying the cool air. As he flew back to the tower, he saw a familiar patch of bubble gum pink. He landed beside her and immediately transformed.

Tonks smiled up at him. "Have I ever told you that it's rather sexy when you do that?"

He was rendered speechless for a moment.

She grinned mischievously.

He finally found his voice again. "What are you doing up here?"

"I found the note on my door saying you wanted to talk to me, so here I am."

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"I'm starting to figure out how you think. I know that you are upset over what has happened to Harry and Draco, and you usually come up here when you are upset."

He sat down beside her, leaning against the stone wall. He didn't say anything for a long while and Tonks kept glancing at him to make sure he hadn't actually drifted off to sleep.

He stared at his folded hands, his dark hair shielding his face like a curtain. "I slapped Harry yesterday and came within a hair's width of caning Draco." He turned to her after uttering that sentence, his dark eyes boring into hers.

"Did Harry deserve to be slapped?" she asked calmly, not flinching under his dark gaze.

He swallowed. "No," came his soft reply.

"Then why did you do it?"

He sighed and broke eye contact with her. He looked up to the sky. "He said something that made me lose my temper."

"Was it something hurtful?"

He fidgeted with his cloak. "Yes, he knew how to get to me."

"Did you apologize and explain that his words hurt you?"

"They didn't hurt me," he growled fixing his dark eyes on her again.

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You just admitted the words were hurtful. If not to you, then who?"

He frowned, clearly annoyed, and focused his attention back on the sky.

"What about Draco?"

"I didn't hurt him, although he deserved a far worse punishment than being told to be in his room by 6:30 every night."

"I know you care very much about both of them; that was evident when they went missing."

He felt his face flush at the memory of how he had lost control of his emotions in front of her.

She continued. "I think you just need to control your temper and combine any punishment with reassurance that you also care very much. I mean really. Severus, you appear so cold and detached it's hard to see you any other way."

"I've had to be that way, you know that."

She twitched suddenly and looked at something in her cloak pocket. "I need to go and take care of something. But you know, Severus, you don't have to be that way with the boys. Love does wonders for the soul."

With that she got up and, very gently, like the brush of a butterfly's wing, placed a kiss on his forehead before she left. Snape, with his heart beating rapidly, watched her saunter out the door.

* * *

Draco crept into Hogsmeade. He had seen the unsavory characters lurking around The Hogs Head, and he knew they sold substances that one could normally only get via prescription. He asked a few of them for Amensentis, but none of them had it, though the last one directed him to a supplier by the Shrieking Shack. He hesitated going there, remembering his encounter with his father last December. Mustering up his courage, he headed over. As he rounded the corner, he almost bowled over a small witch. He apologized and realized it was the bushy-haired witch from the day before. She was likely on her way to The Hogs Head again. She winked at him saucily and continued on her way. He turned his head to watch her saunter into the bar.

As he got closer to the Shrieking Shack, his heart started to race, consumed by memories, fear, uncertainty, and a bit of paranoia as he imagined the sound of footsteps behind him. He gasped when he suddenly found himself face to face with an emaciated, grizzled old wizard who sneered unpleasantly. "What do you want, you young whelp?"

"Amensentis"

The man stared at him hard. "I don't sell my wares to pups!"

Draco's eyes narrowed as he pulled his wand. "You will sell it to me or I'll hex you into next week!"

The wizard cackled harshly and took a step towards Draco, his yellowing teeth grinning broadly. "What have you got to offer?" His eyes traveled up and down his body.

The wand in Draco's hand started shaking badly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of gold.

The wizard's bloodshot eyes lit up. He reached out towards it, but Draco pulled his hand back.

The man grumbled and turned, digging through a leather satchel. He pulled out a vial of blue liquid, then held his hand out. Draco made the exchange and once he had the vial in his hand, he ran as fast as he could back to Hogwarts.

Just before he entered, he swallowed the contents of the vial. He made it back just in time to get to his Advanced Transfigurations class. A wonderful feeling of tranquility swept over him as McGonagall explained the words needed to transfigure a person into an animal.

She asked Goyle to stand up and, with a flick of her wand, he suddenly became a panda bear. The classes ooohed and ahhhed in amazement with the exception of Draco, who was suddenly overwhelmed by an attack of the giggles. He ended up having to drop his head into his hands as waves of mirth coursed through him. He didn't know why, but Goyle as a big fluffy teddy bear like creature sent him into fits of laughter. Most of the Slytherins joined in.

"That's quite enough, Mr. Malfoy."

Draco kept snorting while trying to stop. He knew that McGonagall didn't tolerate disturbances.

"Since you are so amused, perhaps I should transfigure you next."

Suddenly, a cold feeling washed over him. "No, no, not a ferret, I don't want to be a ferret, that hurt. Please don't make me a ferret. I'm a pureflood lizard, I shouldn't be turned into a ferret," he suddenly found himself blabbering to the amusement of the Gryffindors. .

"A pureflood lizard? Mr. Malfoy, are you feeling quite well?" McGonagall looked at him strangely, as if trying to figure out if he was serious or just being disruptive.

He suddenly started sweating and he realized the good feeling he had had was rapidly fading and being replaced by something dark, something shadowy.

He suddenly felt dizzy, and it became hard to breathe. Voices echoed in his head, calling to him. Hands grabbed him as he backed away until he hit the wall and sank to the floor.

"Malfoy?" Ron shouted at him, holding Hermione back.

"Draco! Draco? Mr. Goyle, go and get Professor Snape quickly!" McGonagall sank down beside him.

His breathing grew laboured and the Dark Lord's voice was in his ear, his hands on his body. Draco screamed, "NO!"

Somehow, Professor McGonagall's voice broke through as she shouted, "Class dismissed. I want everyone out of here. NOW!"

Chairs moved and the sounds of many footsteps echoed throughout the classroom.

"Draco, what's wrong? What's happened to you?"

He shook so hard his teeth chattered. The next thing he knew, someone grabbed his face and pried his eyelids open. He found himself looking into cold, dark eyes and cringed.

"He's drugged!" said Snape angrily. "Did you take something?"

"N-nooo." He pulled back, trying to catch his breath. "Don't!" he protested as Snape's hand ran down his body, checking pockets. When Snape found the vial, Draco's heart sank and he turned miserably to the wall. Warm arms went around him.

"Shhhhh, calm down," came McGonagall's voice gently near his ear.

He threw one glance at his guardian's look of horror, then buried his face in McGonagall's shoulder. She rubbed his shoulders and stroked his hair back off his sweaty brow. Waves of heat swept over him, his heart beat erratically, and then darkness overcame him.

When Draco next came to his senses, hours later, he found himself back in Snape's rooms in his bed. He huddled in misery. He felt as if his body was on fire, the hair on his head damp. Someone had put him into his pajamas and they were sweat-soaked. He was trembling. He bit his lip hard to quell the whimper threatening to burst out. Images of enraged hippogriffs, spitting snake canes, and red eyes tore apart his mind.

He felt a light touch on his arm, gently rubbing. He blearily looked to find that it was Snape's hand. He grasped it tightly with one hand, wanting to hold onto something familiar, something safe. The arm moved backwards and grasped his hand, holding it hard.

"Take some deep breaths. You'll make it through this."

Minutes later, terrible shivers encompassed him, making his teeth chatter again. "Please, Severus, please make it stop, please," he pleaded desperately.

"I can't," came the curt reply.

"You won't! You are punishing me, you're like my father. You just like making me beg," Draco whimpered.

"Hush! I can't give you anything because the potion you took has to wear off otherwise you'll be in much worse shape. I will not endanger your life – you just have to get through this." With Tonk's words echoing in his ear, Snape leaned over his ward and gave the boy a reassuring half hug. He hated physical contact, but he knew at this moment Draco needed it as form of reassurance.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll never take that again."

Snape sighed, running one weary hand through his black hair. "I'm sure you won't, not after this."

There was a soft knock on the door just before it opened. "How is he?" asked Tonks as she entered the room, closing the door softly behind her.

"Ranting like a drug crazed lunatic."

"Oh, Draco, why did you do that?" She placed her hand on his head. "Come on, you need to get into some dry pajamas."

"No," he whimpered.

She glanced at Snape. "Stubborn as ever."

He raised one eyebrow at her. "I believe it runs in the family."

She whacked him lightly on the side of the head, making Snape glower at her.

"Come on, Draco, get a hold of your self and sit up so we can change your shirt."

"No, not until that big oaf gets rid of these things. They're crawling all over me."

"What things?" Snape asked.

"Wobberflorms, don't you see them?" Draco asked in disbelief as Snape and Tonks exchanged a look.

Then suddenly, the Flobberworms turned into hippogriffs.

He swatted at the angry hippogriffs, who had shrunken and were all pecking at him with their beaks and scratching him with their talons. "Get off! Get off of me!"

"Now, now, they're just Flobberworms, they won't hurt you," Tonks reassured.

"Hippogriffs!" he responded angrily. "Can't you see them? There are hundreds of them, in all colours."

Snape snorted, trying to suppress his laughter. "Hundreds of colourful hippogriffs here in my living quarters? Did you let them in?" he asked, his voice full of mirth as he glanced at Tonks who had her hands over her mouth, her body shaking with silent giggles.

"N-no, it's not my fault," Draco denied defensively while shivering.

"Ahem, are there any pink ones? You know, ones that match my hair?" Tonks teased.

Draco grew quiet for moment, looking around the room, his eyes wide with fright. "I, I don't think so."

"Oh, that's too bad." She quickly reached over and unbuttoned his shirt as he continued to scour the ceiling for a pink hippogriff.

He obediently let her pull his shirt off and put a new one on.

"Er, Severus, perhaps you should deal with his pants?"

"Yes, yes of course," he responded curtly as she got out of the way. He reached to Draco's waistband and started to tug them down.

"NO! NO! Don't touch me!" Draco panted, his voice full of panic.

"Hush, I'm not a hippogriff," Snape said calmly as he reached out for him again.

Draco moved quickly, huddling against the far wall, his knees drawn up, shaking badly.

Tonks looked very alarmed. "You better stop."

"Nonsense, he's just hallucinating." He looked at Draco sternly. "Get a grip and pull them off yourself then."

Draco trembled in reply.

"Here, give me the new ones," Tonks demanded quietly. She put the pants down right in front of Draco and then held up the blanket so he'd have complete privacy. "Come on, Cous, it's just me and Severus here. You can do it."

Somehow, miraculously, her calm assurances broke through to him. He wiggled out of his PJ pants and put the new ones on. When Tonks saw the old ones flying to the floor, she lowered the blanket.

Some recognition had reentered his eyes.

"Are you feeling a bit better now?" she asked carefully.

He nodded, not meeting Snape's eyes.

Tonks grabbed Snape's arm after seeing a flash of anger in his eyes. "Not now. Come on, let's let Draco get some much needed rest."

Reluctantly, Snape let her drag him up. He threw one last look at his ward who was looking at his blanket as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

Draco's head hurt, his throat was raw, and he never wanted to see another vial of Amensentis in his life. He shuddered, remembering how Snape had looked. It was like that time early in the school year when he had backhanded him. He had totally defied every rule he had been given. He was very worried that Snape would come to the conclusion that he was more trouble than he was worth. But at the same time, he couldn't stop the restlessness that affected his every fiber. He still trembled and his hands shook and now he had a monstrous headache.

He lay down on his side and cuddled Loki, burying his aching head in the soft, black fur.

* * *

**Next Chapter:** "Down into My Core." Lots of Harry as he has one difficult lesson after another with Snape, Ginny sneaks Harry out of the hospital wing for a break, Hermione is in tatters and tears after something Draco almost does, Draco runs.

_**A/N#2:** Ooooo the story is getting close to a 1000, my muse wants reviews so it can do a happy dance. So please review and make my muse mamba._


	31. Down into my Core

**A/N:**_ My muse is doing the mamba! Thanks Droxy, you were my 1000th reviewer!_

_Grateful heartfelt THANKS to ALL my reviewers I hope you enjoy this chapter – it is my longest one ever._

_Thanks all…starangel2106, hello there, Swiffer, Cheelalaucha, Melindaleo, ratgirl, rosiegirl, Sari5156, baby sweet, Supernova8610, snapefan51, Catmint, Cynthia 1850, ran, Hpfreakout, darklink231, Lyss13, remi, Rosaleen, DarkCloaks, Linker 27, abbey, inu-youkai 911, DebsTheSnapeFanN. ERMonkey Burner Of Cookies, guess, midnightwanderer01, DNA strand, Jeff-fur-ee, adrenilin rush, Rotem, helloitsme-again, Droxy, lucidity, melissa-p, Autumn, girl in the corner_

_Again, this chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life."_

_Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize._

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 31: Down into my Core**

Draco awoke in the middle of the night, his head felt like a block of cement. He took a long, shuddering breath.

"Draco?" came the sleepy voice from the chair beside the bed.

He gasped as the voice said "_Lumos_" and he discovered Snape in the room with him.

"How are you feeling?"

Draco didn't want to tell him because he was sure Snape would say he deserved it.

Snape sighed and lifted his wand closer, peering at him.

He squirmed under the light and admitted reluctantly, "My head really hurts."

"I'm not surprised after you did something so remarkably idiotic you could put Longbottom to shame."

"It was supposed to make me feel good!" he protested.

"You escaped from your father, you are safe back at Hogwarts, you appear to be happy snogging Miss Parkinson… Why do you need a drug to make you feel good?'

He didn't respond.

"Amensentis is a prescription drug for a reason. It can be dangerous and the correct dosage is a few drops taken with a meal. I suspect you took the entire vial?"

His heart sank and he gave a small nod.

Snape got up and came back with a glass of water and a wet cloth.

Draco drank the water and, after Snape told him to lie down again, he felt the cold cloth over his forehead. "Go to sleep."

"You don't need to sit with me."

"This was very serious. The potion comes with a variety of side effects, one of which could be seizures. I think you are past that point of risk now, but I'm staying here until morning. Now, close your eyes and go to sleep."

In a small voice, just a smidgen louder than a whisper, came the soft "Thanks."

* * *

When Harry awoke the following morning, he heard the soft, whispered, voices of his friends. 

"Hey, mate! How are you feeling?" came Ron's voice.

"Okay," he responded quietly. Hearing the voices of his friends and not being able to see them made him feel isolated. He also needed to use the washroom, but didn't want them to see him having to grope the ends of the bed and fumble his way to it.

"Have you been sleeping okay?" came Hermione's concerned voice.

"Yeah, like a log."

"Well that's good, then. You need your rest," she mused.

"Well, um, we just wanted to say hi."

"Thanks for coming by, Neville, all of you."

"You really have beautiful eyes, Harry," came Luna's dreamy voice.

Everyone froze, but she continued, "When you are able to see again, we should all go down to the lake and have a picnic."

He grimaced. "Sure, Luna."

As they headed out the door, Luna's voice echoed through the air. "The darkness isn't forever, you know."

He sighed, pulling his blanket back and carefully swinging his legs over the side.

"She might be right you know," came a voice suddenly, causing him to jump

"Ginny?"

"Yes, it's me Harry."

"Shouldn't you be in class?"

"I'm skipping class. I think you need some cheering up."

He scoffed. "Unless you can make me see again, there's nothing that will cheer me up."

"Were you about to head for the washroom?" she asked point blank.

He felt his face growing hot.

Not waiting for his answer, she asked, "Can you get there by yourself?"

The vision of Ginny guiding him to the washroom was unbearable. "Yes, I can get there," he responded, his voice sounding rather grumpy. His heart beat nervously as he hoped he wouldn't stumble or trip or do anything embarrassing with her watching. It was slow going, but eventually he made it. Awhile later, he made his way over to the bed again. He realized by the smell of toast and bacon that breakfast had arrived.

"You did very well," Ginny said in a soft voice filled with a hint of pride.

"Only because Snape made me," he replied, his voice heavy with resentment. Yet, inside he was secretly pleased by her compliment.

She didn't say anything, not wanting to anger him again, but she noted grudgingly that Snape was on the right track.

"Do you want to share my breakfast?" he offered.

"Maybe just a bit of toast and a slice of bacon." They ate together in companionable silence.

"Are you ready for a bit of fun?" she asked as he finished his last piece of toast.

He nodded.

She reached beside her and picked up her broom and his invisibility cloak.

"You'll need to stand up so I can put the invisibility cloak over you."

"Where are you sneaking me off too?" he asked with some amusement in his voice.

There was a note of mischievousness in her voice when she replied, "You'll know when we get there." She guided him out of the hospital wing, after leaving a note for Madam Pomfrey not to worry.

She led him outside down to the lake. The invisibility cloak came in handy so no one would stop Harry and ask questions Ginny was sure he wouldn't want to answer. It was a warm, April day, sunny and with a lovely breeze coming off the water. Secluded behind a thick row of trees, she carefully pulled the cloak off of him.

"Okay, Harry, we're going flying." She got on her broomstick and guided Harry to climb on behind her.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes," he spoke into her ear, hanging on to her waist tightly.

"Here we go."

Harry felt the rush of air as they took flight. He could feel the warm sun caressing his face and the soft strands of Ginny's long hair tickling his ear. He liked having Ginny this close to him. It hadn't happened since the night she had ended up in his bed. It seemed like a year ago. He realized, then, that they were flying very low over the lake, and he smelled the water. It felt wonderful. She swept the broom up again and, as he grabbed her tightly, he felt the same exhilarating lift of sheer joy that he always did when flying. When she leveled the broom out, he let go of her and spread his arms wide, smiling as the air whisked past. They continued on for awhile like that, Ginny letting him feel free and unencumbered.

After at least an hour, she brought the broom down. He got off, his heart suddenly feeling very heavy.

"Are you feeling better now?" she asked.

"That was wonderful, Ginny. Thank you. I miss it so much, and I can't believe I'll never be able to fly again by myself. There's so much I can't…" His voice trailed off.

Ginny looked horrified. "Oh, Harry, I wasn't thinking, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you sadder. I wanted you to cheer up."

"It's okay, Ginny," Harry murmured.

"No, no it's not." Her throat choked up and she wrapped her arms around him to console him.

His arms went tightly around her and he brought his forehead down on hers. She tilted her head and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Sorry." Before he really had a chance to react, she pulled away. "Come on, let's sit by the lake."

He looked a little confused. "Err, Ginny?"

She stopped, suddenly feeling rather embarrassed. "Yes?"

"I, I liked what we were just doing. I just wanted you to know that," he said awkwardly.

A warm feeling washed over her. She smiled broadly and put her arms around him again. He smiled softly as the scent of flowers enveloped him. Somehow, he found her lips and kissed her softly, then with more vigor, delighting in the senses washing over him. He had wanted to do this ever since that night she had spent in his bed.

When they finally came up for air, Harry grew somber and quiet.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm blind, great boyfriend I'd be, I mean, if you thought, that is if you'd want to be my girlfriend which couldn't happen now anyway."

"Why not?"

"They've got me confined to the hospital wing, when I'm not being tormented by Snape I have to have extra classes with the teachers on everything I'm missing."

"Don't be such a prat. I would love to be your girlfriend and I'll find time to sneak in. You need to work with Snape; he'll teach you to be independent."

Harry bristled at her words. He hated being dependent, yet he hated being forced to learn to do such basic things as find the bathroom. Every morning he woke up feeling as if the darkness was swallowing him up, eating his energy, his will. It was as if he had his own private dementor.

"Don't you have to be in class? You're going to miss a second one," he said sullenly.

"I'm not worried, it's only Divination." She refused to let him push her away. She took his hand and led him down to the bank.

When they sat down, she held on to his hand tightly.

"Why do you even want to be around me? I'm totally useless."

She suddenly squeezed his hand painfully tight. "How could you say something like that? You are not useless and you will never be useless. You are still, and always will be, Harry Potter. Being blind doesn't change that."

"Come on, Ginny, I can't defeat Voldemort."

"Not if you give up like this."

He sighed angrily. "You, you and Snape, can't see reality! I'm BLIND! I can't see, how can I possibly defeat him? Tell me how!" He pulled his hand out of her grasp.

"If you stop being such a prat, I'm sure Snape will show you," she fired back at him.

"I need to go back now."

"Harry?" she said reproachfully.

"Snape said he'd come by sometime this morning. He'll be furious if I'm not there."

"Fine! Stand up and I'll throw the cloak over you," she ordered, her voice clipped.

He did as she instructed and wordlessly she guided him back to the hospital wing.

"Thanks for taking me flying," he said softly, regretting his early outburst.

"You're welcome." She sounded miffed but then added, "We can do it again anytime." Her voice was softer then.

* * *

When Draco awoke in the morning, he felt exhausted, embarrassed, and very worried. When he had gotten drunk, Snape had been furious with him; how would he react after this? He quietly got up, showered, and dressed. Snape wasn't there. He grabbed his books to head to class, as he had missed breakfast, when the door opened and Snape walked in. 

"Sit down, Draco, we are going to talk," he ordered, his voice taut.

When he sat hesitantly on the edge of the sofa, Snape sat in the armchair across from him.

"Is there anything you wish to tell me that might explain your actions?"

It was as if a cold wind hit him, temporarily taking his breath away. He shook his head. He couldn't – wouldn't – ever tell anyone, especially not Snape.

"Then you leave me no choice. For starters, you will serve detention in my office at 6:30 PM every night until you have copied 1000 lines reading: 'Severus Snape is my guardian and I will obey him.' After which, I will walk you directly to these rooms."

Draco opened his mouth to protest, but was immediately cut off by Snape's stern voice. "I have just owled Gringotts with the papers confirming I am your legal guardian and as such ensured you have no access to your vault without my permission."

Draco looked horrified. "That money's mine. I was given access to it last year when I turned 16! You can't…"

"I can and I did! There will be no more buying Firewhisky, no more buying potions. You will not have access until you act responsibly."

Draco leapt off the sofa, furious rage clouding his judgement. "Sod off! I'm not a child! You only did this to control me – just like my father. You can't have my money! You…"

Snape's voice grew ominously silky. "I suggest you sit back down. You came within a hair of being caned after your Firewhisky stunt, and you are working your way towards it again!"

Draco's chin rose up. "Dumbledore said it wasn't allowed!"

"As a student, no, but being your guardian gives me certain rights."

"NO!" He started backing away. "You said you wouldn't beat me, you wouldn't be like my father. You. I. How." He became incoherent as his breathing became more laboured.

Snape got up so quickly that Draco almost tripped over the table. He was across the room and gripped him by his shoulders. He was worried by Draco's incoherent last sentence.

"Breathe! You are on the verge of hyperventilating. Calm down."

Draco took some deep, gulping breaths, trembling uncontrollably.

"I promise you I will never beat you like Lucius, but I will punish you if you disregard every rule I mete out."

"Don't cane me." His voice had almost dropped to a plea.

Snape's heart beat uncomfortably for a moment. He had no intention of ever caning Draco, but his worry over how he kept endangering his life made him desperate. He hoped that perhaps by instilling fear in him he could force him to obey. He didn't want to do it this way, but Draco could have died.

He swallowed heavily. "Let's hope I never have to. You know the rules now. The choice is yours. One more lapse and you will face 3 strokes of the cane."

The gray eyes looking at him filled with a mixture of hatred and despair. He tried to wrench out of Snape's grip.

"Why are you doing these things? Tell me, please," Snape asked softly.

For a moment, he thought he saw the gray eyes widen in pain, but they shadowed quickly. He didn't answer.

Snape sighed. "I want you to be safe and happy," he said sincerely.

Draco sneered, his shaky voice edged with venom. "You don't always get what you want!" He tore out of Snape's grip, grabbed his books, and headed out the door.

* * *

An hour later, Snape paced up and down the hospital wing when finally Harry entered with Ginny. 

He stopped and glared at them, his dark eyes looking cold and displeased.

"He needed a break!" Ginny explained, not cowed in the least by his dark stare.

"I believe a detention with Filch is in order Miss Weasley for skipping classes. Be there tonight at 7:00pm!" Snape snarled.

"But sir, she was just trying to help …"

"No excuses, Potter!" He narrowed his eyes at Ginny. "And why are you still here?"

She threw him a disgusted look but didn't say anything. She gave Harry a quick kiss, making him smile, then left.

"Let's get to work. I want you to concentrate, hold your wand ready, and try to deflect whatever spells I send your way," Snape snapped irritably.

Harry sighed quietly. Snape sounded like he had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He held his wand ready. Suddenly, he found himself on the floor as many fingers tickled him. He gasped, laughing and trying to catch his breath. Snape lifted the spell.

"You need to concentrate better!"

Harry was hauled to his feet by the scruff of his shirt. "I can't do this, you know that," he said softly.

"If you would knock that thought out of your head and make an attempt, you would understand that what you think is impossible is not. Now, wand out and pay attention!"

Harry's annoyance grew. Suddenly, he felt soft bubbles popping against his face and body.

"Stop it! This isn't helping me and sending a tickling charm and and a bubble spell my way is - well you're just making fun of me. Let's do stupid things to the blind guy! It's humiliating! Voldemort won't send bubbles and tickles my way. Just stop and leave me alone!" Harry found himself shouting at Snape.

Silence for a few minutes, then, "Have you finished your little self-indulgent fit?"

For a moment, Harry just wanted to shout 'I hate you!' at the Potions Master, but, realizing how childish that would make him sound, he didn't respond.

* * *

"How's Potter doing these days?" came a drawling voice as Ginny left the hospital wing and headed to her next class.. 

She turned to find Draco Malfoy.

"Why don't you ask him yourself? Do you ever plan on visiting him? Or do you feel a little guilty that you came out of it fine and he's blind!" she asked in an accusatory tone.

He turned on the youngest Weasley. What right did she have to question him about anything? "Go mind your own business!"

She glared. "For some crazy reason, Harry's worried about and you haven't even given him a second thought, have you?"

He bristled at her tone and her attack. "Just shut up, little Weasel! Why should I care about precious Potter when he's got all of you swarming around him."

"No wonder no one likes you. You are a cruel, mean, heartless Death Eater wanna be, a poor excuse for a human being and a wizard."

He snarled, "At least I'm not some poor, pathetic creature that has to live in a hovel with Muggle-loving parents! Your whole family is an embarrassment to pureblood wizards everywhere!"

She laughed sharply. "Can't you think for yourself just for once? Harry and Hermione keep trying to convince me that you've changed, but you haven't. You are still the same brainless puppet reciting daddy's evil preachings. You are pathetic and brainwashed and someday you'll realize it, but then it will be too late!"

Draco's heart raced at her words. How dare she speak to him like that? He could barely breathe he was so angry. His emotions were still on edge from his encounter with Snape.

He opened his mouth to insult her again, but found no words to express what he was feeling. He'd be damned before he let show how much her words had stung.

Ginny stood before him, her face flushed, her eyes like shards of dark glass. She would have liked to pull her wand out and curse him to eternity, but she knew that he'd run straight to Snape and that she'd end up with even more detention. Malfoy surprised her by not retaliating. The sneer was on his face, but just before he turned and left, it dropped and was replaced by an oddly pained look.

She tried to knock that image out of her head as she walked into the hallway. She had disliked him from the first moment she had met him, when he had given Harry a hard time in Flourish and Blotts. His cruel face had made her want to slap the sneer right off of him.

Draco hurried to catch up to Crabbe and Goyle and joined them in the Great Hall for lunch. He caught Hermione's worried eyes across the table and looked away. What did she think of him, now, after seeing him freak out in Transfiguration yesterday? Was she disgusted with him for not visiting Potter also? A part of him wanted to visit, but he was afraid Harry would say something about what had happened. So far, at least, he had kept his mouth shut. It bothered him that Harry was still blind. How could he defeat the Dark Lord like that? It must be taking Madam Pomfrey longer than usual to heal him.

Later, as he headed to Defense of the Dark Arts, Hermione cornered him in the dark hallway. "Draco, are you all right? What happened yesterday?"

His heart jumped awkwardly at seeing her. "I took a potion I shouldn't have." He was very pale and looked worn.

"I was so worried about you. I wanted to stay, but Professor McGonagall made us all leave. Later, she said that Professor Snape was taking care of you and that you would be okay. You don't look okay." She hesitated then hugged him gently. The scent of vanilla surrounded him and he held her close.

"Do you want to talk?"

He didn't answer, just buried his face in her hair. When he did finally respond. it was with, "Talking isn't what I want to do."

She shook her head. "Then what?"

He pulled back, looking into her warm, dark eyes. "This," he said and kissed her softly.

Her heart jumped in shock! His kiss came with no warning, just suddenly, out of nowhere. Draco Malfoy was kissing her, actually kissing her. The boy she had despised for most of her school years was now causing little shivers to course through her. She knew she should pull away, but she didn't really want to. He tugged on her arm and pulled her around the corner until they were completely out

of sight.

"We, we have to be in class," she responded breathlessly, her head spinning.

His response was another kiss, a deeper kiss and one hand started to move down her back while the other came to rest on her breast. She gasped, pulling back. "Draco."

He wanted her warmth, her gentleness, her caring. He wanted to be as close to her as possible. The need overwhelmed him. Hermione was the answer to make him forget. He needed her. "Come on, please Hermione, if you care about me." He stepped closer again and started undoing the buttons on her blouse.

"No, Draco, no. I don't want to do this yet, stop it." She slapped his hand away, but he just grabbed it with one hand and forced her hand up over her head against the wall. He moved closer, kissing her softly again, confusing her. She started to relax, but then he forcefully, despite the start of her struggles, again attempted to undo the rest of her buttons, accidentally ripping some of them off in the process.

"Draco, please stop," she whimpered, her voice full of fear and tears. This Draco was almost obsessed, driven, as if in a trance. He frightened her.

With a gasp, he pulled back, letting go of her immediately. His eyes wide with shock, his heart beating frantically, his stomach cramping. "Oh, Merlin! What have I...I didn't mean, I'm just like, Granger, Hermione I, I'm sorry, I..."

She trembled and cowered out of his reach. "Don't touch me, don't come near me."

He stood there for a moment, his pale face flushed, his eyes full of anguish. For a second his face crumbled and she thought he'd break down, but then, without another word, he turned and ran down the hallway.

With badly shaking hands, Hermione attempted to do up the buttons on her shirt when suddenly Tonks appeared.

"Hermione? I just came out of class to see what was keeping you and Draco. You were the only two missing, aside from, of course, Harry." She paused to get a good look at Hermione and noticed the tears running down her face, the open blouse. "What happened! Who did this to you?"

"Malfoy!" she spat tearfully.

Tonks looked paralyzed for a moment then put her arms around the shivering girl. "He didn't actually...did he?" She almost didn't want to hear the answer.

"No," came the tear-filled reply. "He somehow came to his senses."

Tonks took a deep breath. "Hermione, I need to tell you something and you cannot tell a single soul. Can you do that?"

She wiped away her tears and nodded.

"When Harry and Draco were captured, it is my suspicion that Draco was..." She stopped to take another deep breath. "Was violated by the Death Eaters."

Hermione's dark eyes grew huge. "Violated? You mean he was...?" She shuddered, unable to say the last word.

Tonks nodded. "I can't prove it, but his actions have been very erratic and I think what he just did with you is more evidence pointing to that. I think he was trying to forget what happened to him, to feel normal again. I'm sure he didn't mean to."

Hermione took a deep breath, her fear starting to fade, replaced by horror and concern. "Poor Draco. He looked like he was in shock when he ran away from here."

"When you feel well enough to go in, tell Professor Lupin that I've had to leave. He'll understand."

Hermione nodded.

* * *

"If you would like me to spell something harder and more painful at you, just say so, Harry." 

"I'm not sensing anything. It doesn't matter what you hurl at me."

"Then focus! Stop thinking about being blind, stop thinking about snogging Miss Weasley, and CONCENTRATE!"

Harry held his wand out and took a deep breath, concentrating as hard as he could. He sensed something and lifted his wand and attempted a shield, but was seconds too late as a splash of something wet hit his face. It startled him and he stepped back and slipped on the floor. As he fell, he hit his face on the side of the bed. His nose felt thick and he couldn't breathe through it. Something wet ran down his face.

"Harry? Are you all right? Madam Pomfrey!" Snape yelled as he lifted Harry to his feet and half dragged him over to the bed.

"Severus, what happened?"

"An accident, he hit his nose on the bed post."

Harry winced as fingers gently squeezed his nose. A wet cloth was pushed against it and his head forced back.

"Just breathe through your mouth. We'll have that fixed up in no time," came Pomfrey's voice. She dripped something liquid into his mouth, forcing him to swallow quickly. The taste was bitter. Another cloth seemed to mop up blood on his face and then he felt something hot drip into his nostrils. He cringed, trying to move away from the unpleasant sensation.

"Hold still," growled Snape as his hand came to either side of Harry's, head holding it in a vice-like grip.

Soon, he was able to breathe through his nose again, but an unpleasant sensation of his nose shifting occurred.

"You've broken some cartilage in your nose and it will take a few hours to repair properly," Pomfrey explained.

His scar and eyes throbbed painfully.

"You've improved. A second sooner and you would have shielded yourself," Snape stated.

Harry kept his eyes closed, trying not to move or do anything to aggravate the pain. He felt a strong hand come to rest on his head. He knew it was Snape's. Likely the same hand that had slapped him so hard yesterday. The man was such a mystery: one minute he hated him and then, like now, he was touched by the silent support he gave. He blearily thought back to what had happened yesterday just prior to being hit. He remembered his words and realized that if Snape had truly been in love with his mother, the words he had shouted yesterday would have hurt, especially considering how Snape felt about his father.

With a barely suppressed groan, he curled up on his side away from Snape. He heard some whispers "Poppy, I think something for the pain is needed." Then, in addition to the hand on his head, he felt another hand firmly rubbing between his shoulder blades. It felt good.

Pomfrey's footsteps clicked back and he felt a vial by his mouth. "This will help with the pain." He gulped it down, dozing off to sleep, relaxing under the warm, strong hands.

* * *

**Next Chapter:** "This Pain is Just Too Real." Draco ends up in a room with a woman, someone finds out what happened, a promise is made, Snape is a bastard, Snape is at his wits' end, Harry breaks a promise, and spirals into depression. 

_**A/N#2:** Review, please. One thing I've been pondering as I think future chapters iswhether or notcanon Snape has ever had sex? He's so bitter, reserved, and controlled that it makes me wonder._


	32. This pain is just too real

**A/N:** _**This chapter (and I certainly picked an appropriate title ahead of time) is dedicated to Spicey, my little sweetness. I came home on Wednesday after running some errands after work and found my 16-year-old shaded golden Persian kitty had died peacefully in her sleep in her bed. She had congestive heart failure and outlived the vet's maximum diagnosis by 8 months. I am so grateful it was peaceful and natural. But I really miss her and there is this big hole because I loved her so much. Oddly enough she died 3 days prior to the 2 year anniversary of my Zody's death (whose looks and personality Snape's Loki is based on), which is today – so I feel like I have two Dementors hovering over me and I need to briefly wallow in this sadness. Zody's death is what sparked my writing Solstice as a distraction. So on that note, feeling as I am right now...things in the next chapters will get even angstier. It may take two weeks though till the next one. I'm worried because Spicey's 18 year old mother is not doing very well and may be next…I just hope when it happens it will be as peaceful as Spicey.**_

Thanks all…midnightwanderer01, ERMonkey Burner Of Cookies, rosiegirl, Jeff-fur-ee, Cynthia 1850, hey hey hey, Linker 27, Hpfreakout, inu-youkai911, Catmint, ckat44, baby sweet, DebstheSnapeFanNow, Rosaleen, melissa-p, ememz, fiery shadows, helloitsme-again, Droxy, hellomynameisidontknow, lucidity, Arafel2, Sari5156, Melindaleo, DNA strand, Shadow DarknessDragon, Zephyr, Rayya, starangel2106, padfoot, Lyss13, Serenity Melody, Sever13, excessively perky, Modanubikum, Melissa, Vampyre Moon, Dark Hiei11

This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal"

Big thank you to my wonderful beta, Staporize for her kind words and for getting this back to me so fast.

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 32: This Pain is Just Too Real**

Harry awoke later that evening. He tentatively brought his hand up to feel his nose. It felt better, although still a little tender.

"Hi, Harry," said Hermione. "What happened to your nose? It looks bruised."

"I slipped and broke it on the bed post. It's okay really."

He pulled himself into a sitting position. His eyes and scar still throbbed a bit painfully.

"Are you hungry? Can I get you something?" she asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," he responded, rubbing his temples.

"Are you sure? I could go and get Madam Pomfrey."

"No, no I'm fine."

She fidgeted. "Harry, something happened this afternoon and I need to ask you some questions."

"What happened?" he asked, noting the hesitation in her voice. "You didn't come in second on some test, did you?" he added, wanting to tease her to lighten the mood.

"No, it's more serious than that. I know you won't want to talk about being captured, but I need to know what happened to Draco - _everything_ that happened to him."

Harry stopped breathing for a moment. He couldn't break his promise to Draco, but something must have provoked her to ask that question. "What happened this afternoon?"

There was silence for a moment as Hermione battled with herself as to how much to reveal to Harry. "Draco kissed me."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Well to be honest, I've kind of noticed something between you two."

"That's not it. Things got out of hand, and he almost forced me to…" She took a shaky breath.

Harry froze.

"Don't tell Ron. Please, you can't say anything. He'll freak and want to kill him."

"I won't, but how did you stop him?"

"He came to his senses. He looked shocked, almost like he couldn't believe what he had almost done. Harry, what happened to him?"

It was obvious that Hermione suspected something, so he answered carefully. "Lucius and Voldemort _Crucio_'d him, Lucius cast the Gaugario spell. He was miserable to him."

"I can imagine him being very hard on him, physically and emotionally. What else?"

Silence.

"Harry, please?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I promised. He has to be the one to tell you."

"Something happened, didn't it? Did, did it also happen to you?"

"NO!"

She breathed a small sigh of relief for Harry, but then went back to her questions. "Okay then, just Draco. Was it something really bad?"

He hesitated, then nodded.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and hugged him as her eyes welled with tears. She cared so much about both of them and they were both suffering and there was nothing she knew how to do to make it better.

"You care about him a lot, don't you?" he questioned.

"I care about you, too," she whispered.

"I know." He held her close. "But I'm a friend and Draco is more to you."

She laughed softly into his shoulder. "I can't even admit that to myself. It's insane that I've got feelings for that bigoted, arrogant, miserable prat who still, on occasion, calls me mudblood."

"I'm sure he never thought he'd fall for you."

"I don't think he has. I think he was just desperate."

"No, Hermione. I think he definitely has feelings for you. He's just bad at showing it. I think I got to know him a lot better while we were trapped. He saved my life; he could have just left me there. Despite his "Prince of Slytherin" act, I don't think he's very close to anyone. I think he's actually quite lonely."

"Do you think he's confided in Professor Snape?"

"No, I'm positive he hasn't done that."

"He has to talk to someone. He took some bad potion yesterday and had a really nasty reaction. He could have died."

Harry suddenly remembered Draco's words: "I don't want to get out of here alive." He took a deep breath. "Can you coax him to talk?"

"If it had happened to you - would you tell me?" she asked point blank.

"No."

"He's just like you. He doesn't talk about the things that are bothering him."

Harry stayed silent.

* * *

Draco ran as fast as he could to Hogsmeade. Memories of being stripped of his clothes, of cold hands on him, of a searing pain ran through his mind. He had almost done that to Granger, to Hermione. His chest grew too tight he fell to the ground. He knew he was hyperventilating. He weakly pulled out his wand, thinking of Potter, and transfigured the first leaf he saw into a paper bag. He leaned against a tree, pulled his knees close to his chest, and breathed into it as misery washed over him. When he was finally able to breathe with ease again, he got up and headed to The Hog's Head.

He used the last bit of money he had to buy a butterbeer and collapsed over it in the same dark corner as last time. He buried his face in his hands. What was he going to do now? He had almost attacked Granger; Snape would definitely cane him now. He had, without conscious thought, run away with not a Galleon to his name. He would have to sleep outside, something he had never done in his life. Despair overwhelmed him. He felt hot tears form in his eyes. He was not going to cry, he wouldn't let himself. He had managed to hold himself together for this long without shedding any tears over what the Dark Lord had done. Taking a shaky breath, he forcefully blinked the tears away.

"Do you mind some company?"

He looked up, startled, his gray eyes wide as he looked at the bushy brown-haired witch that he had seen on those two other occasions. Close up, she resembled Hermione even more.

She sat down. "You're too young to look so troubled. What's on your mind, darlin'?"

He shook his head, unnerved, and took another swig of butterbeer.

"Are you the silent type? Too many problems to talk about?"

He finally found his voice. "Yeah, something like that."

She winked at him, her slightly slanted eyes warm. "You don't have to be alone. My name's Esmie." She reached out and warmly caressed his hand.

Her eyes darkened and Draco found himself growing hot under her gaze.

"You can call me..." He hesitated, not wanting to give his real name. "Darius." It was his grandfather's name.

"I've seen you here before. Do you live around here?"

"I don't have a place to live right now," he confessed softly.

"I see." She looked at him sympathetically. "If you swear to me you aren't a Death Eater or anything like that, you can stay in my room overnight. It's just upstairs."

He shook his head. "I don't think I should."

"Don't be shy," she whispered to him.

He straightened. "I'm not shy, I'm just ..."

"Careful?" she suggested, lifting a brow. "I promise I won't bite." She grinned mischievously, showing slightly crooked teeth. "Unless, of course, you'd like me to."

He grinned at her words and laughed softly. "Why would you make me an offer like that?"

She shrugged. "I've been lonely. I just moved here from London and, well, there's an awful lot of old, debauched men around here. You're young,and tall, and you have the most gorgeous eyes. I noticed them the last two times I saw you. And that white blond hair of yours, I've been wanting to touch it ever since I saw it."

Her praise swelled Draco's ego and he found himself forgetting about everything that was going on in his life. He focused his entire attention on her. "Go ahead."

She smiled and very gently reached up to caress first the side of his face, her fingers lingering on his lips, eliciting a gasp from him, then moving up and softly picking up a strand of his hair and very sensuously running her fingers through it. She sighed deeply. "Like white gold." Then, her finger lifted his pointy chin to regard his face. "So innocent."

He pulled his face from her grasp. "I'm not innocent," he responded, annoyed.

"Come on, then," she whispered as she took his hand and coaxed him to get up. As if in a trance, he followed her up the stairs, his eyes lingering on her lilac, lace-covered top and black, satiny skirt.

She opened the door, beckoning him inside, then, unbeknownst to him, used her wand to perform a sealing charm on the lock as she closed it.

The room was dark velvet and Draco looked around nervously, questioning his impulse. His heart suddenly began beating uncomfortably fast. So this was it, this was how it would happen. Resigned, he turned to the witch beside him, bringing his lips down on hers, but she pulled back and suddenly in front of him, the bushy, brown, long hair suddenly shortened and turned pink. The eyes stayed the same colour, but the face morphed into his cousin Tonks.

He stood breathless, shocked, and speechless. His mouth fell open in disbelief as he gaped at her.

She reached out to stroke his arm. "Wotcher, Draco. Sorry I did that, but I wanted to keep you safe."

"Why? What are you doing? You tricked me!" he shouted as he jumped backwards.

"I wanted to talk to you, and to keep you from making a desperate mistake."

"You've been following me? You've been here everytime I've snuck away to Hogsmeade! How did you know, why did you..."

She explained softly and kindly as she again moved closer. "When you came back from being captured, Professor Dumbledore was very worried and he put a locator charm on you, which he then gave to me. I always knew where you were. We were afraid you might hurt yourself."

He shook his head in disbelief and backed way out of her range. "I was fine. Harry was the one who needed help."

"Draco, it's okay now. I had to follow you and keep you from making more mistakes, serious mistakes. What if I had been a Death Eater? I could have lured you here and Lucius could have been in these rooms and dragged you back. You aren't thinking clearly, so I needed to watch over you."

"You have no right and no say on anything I do."

"I know how you are feeling. The Death Eaters hurt you, they violated you. It is a terrible thing to deal with. It's making you do things that you wouldn't normally do," she said calmly.

He looked aghast. "Death Eaters didn't touch me. You don't know anything!"

"Draco, when I was eleven-years-old, Death Eaters came to my neighbourhood. They killed a muggle family I was visiting. They raped and killed my friend and then they raped me. I was only spared from death because I was a witch. They threw me out of the house and burned it down with the family inside."

He stared at her and visibly trembled. He looked as if he would throw up. He turned from her and took a deep breath. Then, in a clear, controlled voice, he said, "I'm sorry you went through that, but that did not happen to me."

"I kept denying it too, even after being in the hospital for over a week. My mind didn't want to deal with the pain, the horror, and the shame of what had happened. Part of the reason I became an auror goes back to that night. I know what you are going through."

"No, you don't, because nothing happened." With those words, he turned and almost ran into the bathroom where he threw up in the toilet.

She followed him, not in the least surprised by his reaction. "Denying what happened won't help you to heal."

She knew he was furious for having been tricked. Furious, humiliated, and most especially desperate. She looked at him, his eyes stormy, his breathing rapid and strained as he got up and ran for the front door, tugging hard at it. "Open the door," he demanded in a quiet, controlled hiss.

"No," she responded. "Sorry, cous, but you need to stay here for the night."

"Like hell," he swore at her as he pulled out his wand.

"_Accio_ wand," she responded. His move had been predictable. He dove for the window only to find bars on it. She stood back, quietly watching, as his eyes widened and panic set in.

"I don't want to Stupefy you, but if you don't calm down and sit down, I'm going to have to."

Quick as lighting, he turned on her, his hands on her shoulders as he pushed hard, knocking her off her feet. As he attempted to grab her wand, she lifted it and whispered "_Stupefy_." He stiffened and as he started to fall, she directed him onto the bed. He lay frozen on his back as she pulled a blanket over him. "I'm sorry that I had..." She stopped mid-sentence when the panic in his eyes shot straight through her and, with horror, she realized what must have happened. She quickly lifted the spell. "Sweetie, I'm so sorry ,is that how it happened?" She knew he wouldn't answer, but instead he turned away from her onto his side, his body curling into a ball. His breathing was quiet but laboured. She rubbed his shoulder. "What happened, Draco, happened to your body, and your body will heal. The trick is to not let it affect your mind in the long term. You have to know this doesn't define you. You will heal from this."

He trembled slightly as she moved over to face him, kneeling in front of him. She put her hand lightly over his. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask you these questions. Are you still bleeding?"

He shut his eyes tightly and she knew how ashamed, horrified, and embarrassed he was. He managed to gasp out hoarsely, "No."

"Do you still feel pain?" He refused to look at her, and his nod was almost imperceptible.

"You really should see Madam Pomfrey. She can heal you."

Life flickered back into his eyes as he glared at her. "NO, there's no need, nothing happened."

She ignored his denial. "You need to tell Severus."

He bit his lip hard. "So he can go and get himself killed?"

"Draco, is that why you haven't said anything?"

His breathing escalated. "Nothing happened."

She got up and went over to her knapsack. She pulled out a vial that would knock out the pain. She also pulled a second one that would calm him and help put him into a peaceful sleep. "For the pain, and to help you relax."

His shaking hand reached out and took them. His gray eyes came up, glancing at her hesitantly.

"You can trust me," she assured him.

"You won't tell anyone?"

She hesitated. Frustrated and close to tears, Draco threw the vials at her and sat up. "Do you want him to die? Because when he finds out, he'll go after the Dark Lord! If he dies, it will be your fault for telling him!" His voice clogged at the end.

Her heart ached and she found that she had to reassure him. "I won't tell him, but you need to Draco and soon."

He shook his head.

"You should know that I told Hermione what I suspected after you frightened her."

His eyes widened in horror and, unbelievably, he turned even paler. "How could you?" he said, barely loud enough to hear.

"She cares about you, Draco. She offers a lot of compassion and…"

"Nothing happened and now I have to tell her that!"

She handed him the vials again. "Sleep, little cous. You're safe and I will stay right here with you. I won't say anything, I promise."

He stared at her for a moment then grabbed the vials and downed them both quickly. As the darkness descended over him, Draco silently wished again it could be forever.

Tonks pulled a blanket over him and sat watching him sleep. Her heart felt so heavy knowing how much he was hurting both physically and emotionally. She wished she could just take all the pain away. She was brought out of her thoughts by a loud knock at the door. "Open the door! Open it NOW!"

She recognized the silky, dangerous voice instantly. "Shh, hold it down!" She waved her wand, breaking the sealing spell, opened the door, and instinctively stepped back.

Snape stood there like a dark, menacing presence, his eyes widened in shock over seeing her. He glanced at her, her badly buttoned top, her disheveled hair, then his eyes wandered over to Draco sleeping on the bed. His eyes turned hard as his heart gave an anguished ache before turning cold.

"He's not even 17 yet, he's still a child! Couldn't you find someone older, someone who wasn't your cousin?" he snapped viciously at her.

She blinked, shocked by his outrageous words. Her eyes turned a flaring green, as her hair flamed red. She pulled her arm back and, before Severus had a chance to react, she slapped his sallow face so hard he stumbled against the doorframe. "You BASTARD! How could you ever think such a thing? You really are a miserable, depraved git!"

He straightened himself, her handprint red on his pale face. He stared at her with a mixture of anger and disbelief.

She pulled out her wand. "Get out of here. You are much too angry to deal with Draco right now and I won't let you hurt him."

Snape, having regained his composure, narrowed his eyes. "You have apparently forgotten, but I am his guardian."

"Right now he is with me, under my care. If you have a problem with that, see the headmaster!"

His eyes widened in shock. "What does Professor Dumbledore have to do with ... with this?" He gestured to the bed.

"I was instructed to keep an eye on him."

He sneered. "Well, I highly doubt that the headmaster had this in mind!"

"GET OUT!" she said firmly while her heart beat painfully hard.

He threw one more glance at his ward then turned, with robes flying, and left.

She quietly closed the door behind her and then found hot tears working themselves down her face. She dropped listlessly to the floor, curled up over her knees, and cried.

* * *

Hermione had already left when Snape stormed into the hospital wing. "All right, Potter, get up – wand out!"

Harry blinked. "No," he responded quietly.

"What!" Snape snarled.

"My nose and my head still hurts. Madam Pomfrey insisted I stay in bed."

Snape didn't respond, and all Harry could hear was some slightly laboured breathing, as if he had run to the hospital wing.

"Are you all right, sir?"

"I had forgotten about what happened earlier. Draco…" He stopped, his voice angrier than Harry had heard in a long time.

"What's happened to Draco? Is he all right?"

In a tightly controlled voice, Snape spat, "He's more than fine. Happily mocking me and breaking every rule I set. But he won't laugh for long. I threatened to cane him, and apparently I'm going to have to follow through. I hadn't intended on it. I fully expected that he would fall in line."

Harry's breath caught in his throat. "You can't cane him! You'll be just like Lucius!"

Snape practically growled, "I am NOT like Lucius! He could have died from his last stunt! I have to scare him into obeying!"

"Maybe he's doing all these things because subconsciously he wants your help," Harry replied coldly, his hands shaking.

"MY help? With what!

He closed his eyes and wondered how in the world he could explain without betraying the Slytherin's trust. "Maybe more happened when we were captured than you know about," he responded quietly as his heart beat rapidly.

There was silence again, then: "What happened?" His tone had softened.

"I can't tell you. You need to talk to Draco."

Obviously growing angrier, Snape hissed, "Do you know how many times I have talked to him, asked him to tell me what's going on, pledged to help him? He shuns every attempt on my part to be his guardian!"

"Do you call threatening to cane him offering help? No wonder he doesn't feel safe confiding in you!"

"Then you tell me right now what happened!" Snape had moved closer.

"I promised not to."

"Always the noble Gryffindor. Are you sure it's not a bit of revenge on your part for all the things Draco did to you over the years? Let me suffer a bit by keeping the information to yourself? If he died of a bad potions dose or drank himself to death or gets captured again – well, no loss. He isn't, after all, one of your Gryffindor cheering squad," he replied sarcastically.

A horrible feeling developed in Harry's stomach as his anger welled. "Don't be such a git! I don't take delight in torturing anyone or in watching them suffer! That's always been something you enjoy playing at!"

Snape moved away, frustration overwhelming him.

He replied quietly, beaten down by the truth in Harry's words. "Then help me to help him. I'm obviously not good at this."

Harry was shocked. Snape was asking him for help and he sounded so subdued and desperate.

He hadn't realized the situation with Draco had become so serious.

"I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I don't think what Draco thinks happened actually did."

Annoyance crept into Snape's voice. "Could you at least speak a little more coherently so I can gain a remote understanding of what you are trying to tell me."

"This isn't easy. I'm breaking a promise!" He stopped and sighed. "Draco thinks that maybe…perhaps that Voldemort may have…"

Snape sighed impatiently. "What? What did he do?" Suddenly, fear gripped him. "Legilimency?"

"NO, no I don't think so."

"Well then, spit it out or cease this pointless babble!"

"Violated him," Harry shouted.

One could have heard a pin drop.

Snape's heart froze. His voice cracked as he whispered, "Did he?"

"No! I'm sure he didn't. He looked as if he was going to, but there was some kind of bang or explosion and he left before doing anything but…"

"But what?"

"It was only few minutes before Lucius brought him back, so there wasn't enough time or I would have thought that maybe Lucius…but that's just sick, I mean his own son."

"Obviously, Potter, you aren't experienced enough to know that a few minutes is enough time."

Harry blushed but then argued, "But Lucius had all his clothes on and it took at least 2 minutes to walk back. It couldn't have happened."

His voice tense and strained, Snape replied, "One does not need to remove all of one's clothes, and then he could have apparated them."

Horror swept over Harry. He stammered, "But Lucius is his father."

"I don't believe that Lucius did this."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Then asked worriedly, "you aren't going to cane Draco, are you?"

Snape sighed, wearily. "No, I was just angry and frustrated, I wouldn't have anyway."

Harry breathed another sigh of relief.

"Harry, thank you for telling me," Snape said earnestly.

"You're welcome, Professor Snape."

"When you are not in class, please call me Severus."

Harry realized that he was granting him the same thing he had granted Draco, the privilege of calling him by his first name. He felt honoured. "Okay, Pro, er, Severus." It felt awkward, calling him that. If he had been able to see, he would have noticed Snape attempt a small smile.

After wishing Harry goodnight, he left the hospital wing, his heart feeling terribly heavy and full of regret for what he had said and done during the scope of this day.

* * *

**Next Chapter:** "Title TBD" Snape is more gentle and understanding with Draco and Harry after he has a very emotional confrontation with Tonks. Harry has a terrible nightmare after Draco visits, and Hermione attempts to talk to Draco.

**A/N#2: Please review.**


	33. Kept in the Dark

**A/N:** _A special thank you and hugs to those of you who passed on kind words over the loss of Spicey. She was a special little kitty and I miss her a lot. Acacia59601-I don't know how you knew that but yes she used to sit in my lap as I wrote, I like to still envision her as being there. My monitor now has my favourite pic of her and Zody as its wallpaper._

Thanks all…Daniel Radcliffe's Angel 10689, melissa-p, Lyss33, ckat44, Cheelalaucha, wwwendy, Sever13, inu-youkai911, abbey, Shadow DarknessDragon, rosiegirl, helloitsme-again, DebstheSnapeFanNow, baby sweet, starangel2106, Melindaleo, girl in the corner, snapefan51, Modanubikum, Swiffer, Rosaleen, Rotem, sari5156, Catmint, Arafel2, Hpfreakout, Serenity Melody, Droxy, padfoot, James Potter's Lily Flowe, DNA strand, Severa-Lilia, lucidity, Delaine, acacia59601

This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring me to Life."

Big thank you to my wonderful beta, Staporize.

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 33: Kept in the Dark**

When Harry awoke the next morning he heard a cheery, "Good Morning!"

It made his heart race and put a smile on his face. "Ginny?"

He felt the bed shift slightly as the scent of flowers filled his nose. She gave him a soft kiss. His arms wrapped around her and he kissed her back. "That was the best wake up ever." He sighed. "You smell so good."

"Thank you. How is your sore nose? Hermione told me what happed after my detention, but by then Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let me in anymore."

"And you didn't even try to sneak in?" he teased.

She laughed. "And risk Snape giving me another detention with Filch? Uh uh. Sorry, handsome."

He smiled again. Her calling him handsome made his heart feel strange, but in a good way.

"Ginny, have you seen Malfoy lately?"

"Yes, why?" Her voice sounded suspicious.

"How was he?"

"Miserable, as usual."

Harry frowned. "So he was okay?"

"Well, he was perhaps a little odd. He didn't retaliate when I snapped back."

"I think he's in trouble and I hope I didn't make it worse," Harry worried aloud.

"Like how?" she asked, making herself comfortable beside him on the bed.

He grinned. "Sorry, I can't really tell you, but can you try to be a bit nicer to him?"

She snorted. "That's a pretty big favour – I think you'll need to pay up on that." She leaned over and kissed him.

"Hmmm, I think I'll be able to pay that price." He leaned closer and kissed her again. She giggled and curled up, resting her head on his shoulder as she fed him pieces of croissant.

* * *

Tonks awoke the next morning to find Draco leaning over her, trying to grab his wand. He froze when her eyes opened and looked at her warily as he took a step back.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay," she assured him. "We'll go back to Hogwarts and..."

"NO!" Draco shouted vehemently. "I can't go back there."

"I know Severus is angry, but..."

Draco cut her off again. "I'm not going back!"

"Where are you going to go then?"

He shrugged.

"Do you really want the Death Eaters to get you again?" she questioned softly.

He glared at her, his eyes icy.

"Draco, you can't continue like this. You'll either end up killing yourself or putting yourself back into You-Know-Who's hands," she said matter of factly.

"I'll hide, they won't find me."

"And how will you survive? If you raid your account at Gringotts, it's only a matter of time before you get mugged or robbed."

He grimaced. "I don't have any money, Snape stole it from me," he spat bitterly.

She sat down on the edge of the bed. "I can't quite believe he stole it, perhaps just made it inaccessible? You haven't exactly been spending it wisely lately."

"He wants to control me just like my father did!" He lifted his chin arrogantly and sneered.

"Maybe someone needs to control you a little right now until you recover from this trauma."

"There is no trauma, you misunderstood. No one did anything to me!" he shouted desperately.

She sighed sadly. "We need to go back, it's not safe here."

"Give me back my wand!" he demanded.

"When we are back at Hogwarts, you can have your wand back," she stated firmly. "Move it."

He stood rebelliously glaring at her.

"If I have to Stupefy you and levitate you back I will, but if you come peacefully it will be much less embarrassing for you."

He bit his bottom lip and looked so desperate that she almost felt guilty for having to force him, but she steeled herself. He wasn't anywhere near ready yet to be on his own especially not in his current, unstable state.

He took a shaky breath that came out like an angry snort. His eyes hardened as he spat, "let's go then!"

They walked back to Hogwarts silently as Draco avoided any conversation Tonks attempted. His arms were crossed and he sullenly stared at the ground the entire way.

Bile rose in his throat as he neared the front door. Memories of past beatings swept through his mind and the concept that Snape would now be the one holding the cane over him almost made him sick. He stopped for a moment to breathe and to calm his racing heart. Tonks' hand rubbed his shoulder, and this time he didn't shrug it off.

She noted the beads of perspiration on Draco's brow as he took some deep, gulping breaths. His eyes were tightly closed. When he opened them again, he didn't look at her but trudged through the door. He stopped for a moment, but she put her hand on his back, gently guiding him towards the dungeons. He resisted, but then a resigned look came over his face as he headed down.

Tonks knocked loudly and firmly on the door to Snape's rooms. He opened it, stared at her for a moment, then directed his dark gaze to Draco. The blond seemed focused on his feet, but then brushed past Tonks, saying in a curt tone, "You can go now."

Tonks raised her eyebrows but disregarded his words. "Severus, I need to talk to you!"

Draco skidded to a halt and looked at her, alarmed.

Snape looked uncomfortable but responded, "Come in then."

"No, not here. Meet me in the Room of Requirement. I need to speak to Draco in private herefirst," she ordered, her tone clipped.

His eyes narrowed for a moment and she wondered whether he would refuse, but then angrily, with his cloak whirling, he headed down the hall.

"You…" Draco started before she cut him off.

"I promised you I would not say anything about that right now and I won't! But Draco, you have a week at the most to tell him yourself, and if you don't I will have to tell him for your own good!"

He sneered at her. "For my own good – that's what I've heard all my life!"

"Well, in this case it is because we all care about you. You need help and you need to heal. Just so you know, and don't get all paranoid thinking I'm betraying your trust, Severus knocked on the door yesterday after you had fallen asleep. He was furious and he made some rather wild accusations saying that I had lured you into the room and seduced you. I kicked him out. I want to talk to him about it."

"You did."

"Did what?" she asked, puzzled.

"Lure me to your room." He did a halfhearted smirk and looked so endearing as he did it she couldn't resist a chuckle. She put her arms around him and hugged him lightly. When she pulled back, his face was strained and his eyes closed. Her heart pained her, knowing what an effort it took for him to stay in control. She stood on tiptoe, pulling his head down and kissed him on the forehead.

"Remember, when I do something for your own good, it's because I really care about you, little cous. We are family."

He nodded but didn't make eye contact.

* * *

When she opened the door to the Room of Requirement, she was startled to find Severus sitting in front of the fireplace downing a glass from an already ¼ empty bottle of Durus Amarus Potio. She had tried it once and found the extreme bitter taste of this alcoholic drink unpalatable. She shuddered slightly.

"Would you like a glass?" he asked, his tone guarded.

"No."

"Please, have a seat," he offered quietly.

"I prefer to stand," she stated firmly.

"What happened with Draco last night?" he asked, his voice low and soft.

She snorted. "Oh, now you ask nicely! You made it pretty clear last night that you already knew what had happened! That I seduced my young, under age cousin!"

He stiffened. "When Draco didn't show up for his detention, I went to Hogsmeade and The Hog's Head, knowing that's where he got drunk and where he got the potion. I asked the bartender and he told me some woman of questionable ethics had taken him to her room! I was furious at him for once again defying me, and I was very worried that he was in danger! I didn't know ahead of time that you were the woman!" He stopped suddenly and cleared his throat. "I mean, that is to say, you aren't of questionable ethics but I wasn't thinking clearly and it looked as if…" His voice trailed off. His expression was a cold mask, but she knew he was frazzled.

"I would have thought by now you would know me well enough to know that I love Draco; he is family! I would never do anything to harm him. And I would certainly never seduce him!"

Snape swallowed heavily and grimaced as if his drink had left an awful after taste. His hand trembled lightly as he reached for the glass. He had been angry with Draco and he had lashed out at Tonks because, for a split second, the pain of Lily being with James had flashed through his head.

She fumed at his silence. "Well, Severus, obviously causing pain is something that comes naturally to you. Perhaps, you even enjoy it. But, I did not appreciate the words you hurled at me yesterday." She glared at him. "I just want to say that Draco needs you. He was running away yesterday, perfectly willing to live out on his own without any money. I don't need to tell you how much danger he is in! I may not be his guardian, but if you hurt him in any way I will reciprocate!" she all but yelled at him.

He stood up suddenly, causing her to step back. "I won't hurt him and…" He raised his dark eyes up to meet hers. "I overreacted last night. If I could take back what I said, I would. I am deeply sorry, I have no viable excuse to explain my behaviour." His dark eyes were wide and worried.

She wasn't sure what to make of his apology. She hadn't expected it. He seemed much more quiet and subdued compared to the snarling lunatic he had been the previous night.

"Did Draco tell you anything last night?"

Warily, she shook her head but asked, "Anything in particular?"

"Harry told me that Draco may have been…" His voice choked.

Her stomach twisted painfully. "May have been what?"

Snape roughly cleared his throat again. "Sexually…abused."

Her breath caught in her throat. "That would explain his behaviour," she replied softly.

Snape shook his head. "He would have told me."

"Perhaps he's too embarrassed or ashamed, perhaps he's too worried how you'd react."

Snape shook his head again. "He trusts me, he would tell me. Besides, Harry is pretty sure nothing happened."

"So you're not even going to consider that something did happen to him! Pretend that all is well? You have no idea how a person that was raped is going to react. It's a violent, degrading, painful act; the person is traumatized for a long time! You don't feel like running around telling the world what happened! You do everything in your power to forget what happened!" She found herself screaming at him.

Snape's mouth had dropped open, startled by her outburst. Then coldness set over his features again. "You don't know Draco as well as I do. This did not happen to him. And you stating facts from a book isn't going to change my mind!"

"It's not from a book, it's from first hand experience. Something you, having been a Death Eater, should know all about. Didn't you partake 16 years ago Severus, in the Death Eater orgies, on innocent children. Was it fun, did you enjoy it? Is it your guilt that keeps you from wanting to see the possibility of what happened to Draco? You'd rather deny it than face it?" Tears were running down her face as she choked out the last sentence.

Snape stood helplessly as she backed away, her hands over her face, trying to suppress the horror of the memory that had welled up in her.

His heart started to race, he started to sweat, and his stomach clenched painfully.

"Tonks?" he whispered.

"Just leave me alone!" she sobbed.

He took a shaky breath and went over to her, gently grasping her shoulders.

"Don't touch me!"

"Shh, I'm so sorry." His voice was shaky as he pulled her close.

She buried her face in his robes and quickly quieted.

"I need you to know…I didn't, I never took part…" He took another deep, shaky breath. "It wasn't something the Dark Lord ordered, but I'm sure he knew it happened. I've never forced …I'm so sorry this happened to you. You must have been so young."

"I was 11," she confessed. Once she calmed down, she realized that he trembled.

He continued, "I knew what happened on some of the raids, but I never did anything to stop it. I'm so sorry. The thought that Draco was…" He couldn't continue without taking a breath. "I've been so hard on him, I've threatened him, I've alienated him."

She slowly pulled out his arms. "You should know that he almost assaulted Hermione. I think the shock of what he had done is what made him run away."

"Oh Merlin, I told him if he misbehaved one more time he'd get three strokes of the cane. It's my fault he ran."

"Hermione said he was in shock after what he almost did. I think his own actions are what made him run," Tonks stated.

"You said yesterday something about the headmaster telling you to keep an eye on him?"

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore was very worried. He put a locator charm on him as he left the hospital ward – I saw him do it – he put me in charge of watching him."

Snape swallowed. "Didn't he trust me to do it?"

"I think he was worried on how you might react," she assured him.

Snape nodded dully. "Are you sure he didn't say anything to you yesterday?"

She smiled wryly. "He's very worried about you and…" She hesitated. "About what you may do."

"I just want him to know how important he is to me," Snape said as he sat down, downing the contents of his glass.

"Tell him. He needs to hear that."

His black, haunted eyes looked up at her with trust. "Will you forgive me?"

She cracked a crooked smile. "If you stop being such an ornery git, I might."

He gave her a rueful look. "Hard habit to break."

"You have to, for Draco's sake, and for Harry's also."

He stood up. "I better get back to Draco."

She put her hand on his arm. "Severus, don't force him to tell you and don't push him too hard. He's in a bad place. When he's ready to tell you the entire story, he will, but it has to be on his own time."

He shook his head. "It needs to be soon. He can't go on like this."

"Be gentle," she pleaded.

He hesitantly brought his hand up to the side of her face, softly stroking from her cheek into her hair. "I can be gentle." Then, staring regretfully into her eyes, he hesistated for a moment then, like a feather's tickle, softly kissed her. "I am sorry."

With that he left, leaving her standing on shaky legs and with a racing heart.

* * *

Snape entered his rooms and Draco turned to look at him. His ward's eyes were wide with fear, his mouth twitched, he looked away and removed his cloak, then, trembling, glanced up at him again. "Do, do you want me to, do you want me to just bend over the sofa. or the bed?" His voice shook.

Snape's heart wrenched. He walked towards him as Draco shrank back. "Come here," he softly said as he put his arms around the trembling teen, one hand on his back and the other on the back of his head. "Neither. I'm sorry I made you think I could cane you. I won't ever hurt you."

Draco didn't move, his nerve-wracked body standing stiff but shaking like a leaf in the wind. Snape continued to gently rub his back. He let his head fall to his guardian's shoulder, feeling relief wash over him as his throat welled up. He tried to take a deep breath, but it came out as a strangled gasp.

"It's going to be okay. You are going to be fine. Harry told me what happened with Lucius and the Dark Lord. You should have come to me. I'm so sorry, I would have…"

Draco violently wrenched out of his hug. "Nothing happened!" he shouted with his voice trembling as he looked into his guardian's shocked black eyes. "I, I don't know what lies Potter has been telling you but noth… nothing happened!"

Draco's reaction was so desperate and panicked that Snape sensed this conversation would have to wait. Tonks was right, the boy was in no condition to be confronted right now.

"Okay then, I must have misunderstood. Come, sit and we'll have breakfast."

He shook his head, looking pale and drawn. "I'm not hungry." Just the thought of food made his stomach churn. He couldn't believe that Potter, that damn Gryffindor, had told.

"I need to go to the library," he lied. It was the hospital wing that he really wanted to go to.

"Take a stomach calming potion if you have to, but please join me for some breakfast," Snape coaxed.

He nervously sat down and drank the potion Snape handed him. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to," he quietly assured him.

His ward nodded warily.

"I'm not experienced at this Draco, and I have failed you terribly. I reacted with fear and reverted to the kind of behaviour I would have expected from my father. I've done it to both you and Harry." Draco glanced at him for moment before swallowing heavily and poking at his pancake.

"I care about you more than you'll ever know, and I just wish you would trust me enough to talk to me. When you started reacting to that potion, I was fearful and the only way I could think of to make you not do something so foolish again was to threaten you, which of course, given your past, was the worst thing imaginable. Please, Draco, think about what I've said."

Draco looked at him, his gray eyes shimmering. For a moment, Snape thought he would talk, but then he looked away again.

Snape was being so kind. His words made Draco's throat swell up. He couldn't talk to him; he would rather have been caned than tell him what happened. Snape had almost gotten killed last time, he couldn't, he just couldn't tell him. He pushed his chair back abruptly. "I really need to go."

"Draco," Snape said, his voice sounding strangled.

He cleared his throat and responded without looking at him. "It's okay, Severus. I promise I won't do anything stupid again and I'll be back for my detention at 6:40."

"Just be back in time for dinner here. I'm canceling detention."

His ward turned back to him, his eyes wide and surprised. "Thanks," he responded softly.

As soon as he was out the door, he ran for the hospital wing.

Potter was lying back on his pillows. Anger raged in him as he grabbed him by the collar of his pajamas and pulled him into a sitting position. The black-haired Gryffindor gasped.

"You had NO right! How could you?"

"Draco?" Harry asked startled at first, then, "Get off of me!"

Draco let go of him, noting the panicked look in the blind green eyes and feeling a tiny pang of guilt.

"Nothing happened – you're the one who was trying to convince me of that. I'm fine!" Draco all but shouted.

Harry took a few deep breaths. The shock of being grabbed like that had made his heart race and his muscles tense. Ginny had only left a short while ago and he had been reliving how good it felt to have her close by. "Look, Draco, I'm really sorry but..."

"I guess a noble Gryffindor's word means nothing!" Draco spat.

"Snape told me what happened: the drinking, the bad potion. He's awfully worried about you – I've never seen him so, so helpless."

"You can't see," Draco sneered.

"Stop being such a prat. The man is going crazy trying to figure out how to help you. He loves you and you should know that, despite what he said, he wouldn't cane you."

Draco gulped. "He, he told you about that?"

"He was scared he thought you could have died, he didn't know how to deal with you."

"Still, you shouldn't have told him." The Slytherin's voice had changed.

"You have to let him help you."

"I don't need help!" he responded with frustration in his voice.

"Then why are you drinking and taking bad potions and running off when your father or Voldemort could catch you again?"

All Harry heard was an exasperated gasp.

"Draco, I'm not trying to make you angrier. I just want to help."

"Why? You've got enough to worry about," he replied.

Harry sighed. "I care about you, all right. Even though you are an obnoxious prat at times, you are a friend now."

There was silence for a few moments then Draco lashed out, his voice strained almost hysterical. "If Severus gets himself killed after you told him, it will be all your fault and I'll hate you for it forever!"

He turned and practically ran out the hospital wing. Harry could hear his laboured breathing all the way to the door.

Draco's words echoed in his head. Had he made a mistake? One that would cost Snape his life? He felt sick at the thought.

* * *

_Next chapter_: "T**he Life Among the Dead**" (Some things needed to be postponed to this chapter) Harry has a terrible nightmare. Snape and Harry have a heart to heart. Hermione attempts to talk to Draco. Draco refuses an Occlumency lesson, but Snape performs Legilimency anyway.

**A/N#2:**_ Please review._


	34. The life among the dead

**A/N:** _Thank you all – reviews are really cheering me up these days…my other old kitty, a beautiful ethereal 18-year-old silver shaded Persian, is slowly dying, and I doubt I'll have her much longer. Sigh…the downside of owning pets._

_I'm a day late with this chapter; I had the day off and spent it trying to find the owners of beautiful stray German Shepherd I rescued off the road. Had no luck, but the animal welfare agency is now looking._

_On a more cheerful note I read a fan fic that I just LOVED. The author's name is Persephone Lupin and I asked her if she would mind a plug here…the story is a one shot about Snape and Lily's friendship. If you think Snape is one of the most intriguing characters ever written, you'll want to check out this fic – the title is "Unicorns or Snape's Best Memory," and it can be found on fan fiction. While you are at it, you might like to check out her fic "Amoris Infinitas." It is a completed look at her take on book 7. I really enjoyed it also, and it has one of the most ingenious Voldemort downfalls ever._

_For those of you who have asked Solstice II: Spring and Summer, is actually a sequel to Solstice. To find it, just click on my author name – Samhaincat – and it will show you all other stories I have written, including all 65 chapters of Solstice._

Welcome new readers, Leanne and AbraJade and any others who have tackled Solstice and now this sequel!

Thanks all… Im SiRiuSly ObSSeSeD, baby sweet, acacia59601, Firestar, lucidity, rosiegirl, Cheelalaucha, okicantthinkofastupidpenname, sari5156, Jeff-fur-ee, Serenity Melody, Linker27, snapefan51, Rosaleen, Leanne, padfoot, Delaine, excessively perky, AbraJade, Shadow DarknessDragon, Dianer84, Modanubikum, Melindaleo, Deb, midnightwanderer01, Persephone Lupin, Lyss33, Sever13, Healer123, DNA strand, Nikelodean, Droxy, helloitsme-again, stardust-creations, Rotem, Catmint, …anonymous, Janet2610

This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring me to Life."

Big thank you to my wonderful beta, Staporize.

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 34: The Life Among the Dead**

Draco stood pressed against a wall outside of the hospital wing trying to quell his racing heart and painful breathing. After a few moments, he finally went to the library to get a book he knew he would need for an upcoming test in Transfigurations. He entered cautiously to make sure Granger wasn't anywhere in sight. With relief, he noted that she wasn't. It was Saturday and perhaps she had better things to do. He found the book he was seeking in an aisle near the back. He found himself staring at the row of books for at least 10 minutes, his mind blank, his vision blurred. What would happen now? What did he want to have happen? He didn't know. He just wanted Snape to stop asking questions and to just be there, quiet and calm and reassuring. He had been so surprised to be hugged instead of caned before. When Severus had held him close and later told him how much he cared, it was almost way more than he could handle.

"Draco?"

He stiffened. He knew that voice, it belonged to Granger. He refused to turn around.

Her hand softly touched his back. He bit his lip, his breathing escalating. "Go away, Granger," he whispered.

"Tonks told me what happened to you…."

He turned to face her. "Nothing happened!"

If he wasn't so pale and his eyes weren't so panicked, she might have believed him; instead, she just stared at him.

"Look, I got carried away yesterday, I'm sorry," he explained quietly, his voice strained.

"Come." She took his cold hands in hers and tugged for him to sit on the floor. He resisted for a moment then sat down beside her. He closed his eyes and looked ill.

She squeezed the one hand she held onto.

"I didn't mean to…" he stammered.

"Shhh, it's okay, you don't have to talk unless you want to."

His tortured gray eyes looked at her. He wanted to tell her that nothing had happened, but his heart beat uncomfortably fast. He couldn't believe she was sitting here with him, holding his hand, after what he had almost done. He was just so tired. Her dark eyes were full of concern, and he had to turn away and swallow the lump in his throat. She squeezed his hand more tightly.

He inhaled deeply then glanced at her again. "Thank you," he choked out.

When she saw his bottom lip quiver, it almost broke her heart. She turned slightly and, with her free hand, rubbed his shoulder. "I'm here for you, I just want you to know that."

He closed his eyes again, regaining control. "I'm all right, Hermione, Tonks misunderstood. "

She knew he was lying. He looked terrible and there was no way that the arrogant prat Draco Malfoy would let himself look so disheveled unless something was terribly wrong. He had dark circles under his eyes, his blond hair was mussed, and it was apparent that he had lost weight.

"I see, but even so being captured by Death Eaters and especially by your father must have been hard."

His eyes flickered up to meet hers again, he gave a quick nod then looked down.

"I care about you, okay?"

"Even after what I almost did?" he whispered.

"Yes, because you stopped yourself."

He sighed. She was so forgiving.

They sat like that for awhile then Draco pulled back his hand. "I have to go."

"Okay." She let him go but vowed she would seek him out more often. He grabbed a book off the shelf then gave her a look so forlorn it made her heart wrench painfully. He squared his shoulders and quickly walked away.

* * *

Snape sat in his living room idly making his wand shoot sparks around the room for Loki to chase. He looked up when the door opened and Draco walked in. He looked startled seeing him there. "Are you all right?" he asked him.

The blond nodded, looking at him hesitantly.

He stood up. "Draco, I've been thinking it's high time we did another Occlumency lesson."

Draco paled instantly and answered breathlessly, "NO".

"Your mind is easily penetrable, you have to learn to…"

"NO, no one is going to capture me again, I'll never go near any of them again, I'm safe now," he gasped, his voice hoarse.

"Shhhh, don't hyperventilate."

"I'm not!" he shouted desperately, trying to inhale.

Snape pulled him down on the sofa, rubbing his back, and transformed a sheet of paper into a paper bag. He held it over Draco's nose.

The blond breathed laboured, rasping breaths into the bag. With a heavy heart, Snape sat back, one hand resting reassuringly on the back of Draco's head.

"You are safe, but Draco, many of your classmates are the children of Death Eaters. They may have been trained in Legilimency."

"I don't feel well now, I want to go lie down," he said, his voice faint.

A horrible fear gnawed at Snape's stomach. He didn't want to believe what Tonks thought had happened, but the way Draco was behaving made him question his belief. He gently lifted the boy's chin, bringing the gray eyes up to look at him.

The slight probing entered his mind so quickly that Draco barely had time to react. His entire body jerked out of Snape's grasp. He got to his feet and stumbled backwards over the small table and fell with a resounding crash.

What Snape saw made him feel physically sick. He had felt an agony so sharp and tearing that it had almost made him scream. Taking a deep, steadying breath, he sprang to his feet to kneel down beside his ward. "Are you okay?"

Draco was trembling so badly he couldn't speak. He was terrified that Snape had seen into his mind, seen what had happened. His chest felt horribly tight.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so worried about you. I won't try it again," Snape assured him. He couldn't let Draco know what he had seen; he needed for his ward to tell him. He lifted him to his feet, but Draco struggled out of his reach.

His eyes were wild and his face contorted. "Don't touch me!" His voice was strained.

The tense situation was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Snape answered it to find Minerva standing there. "Severus, I came to see how Draco is doing."

He waved her inside. The teen stood against the wall, his arms crossed protectively in front of himself.

He knew Draco would turn to Minerva if he was out of the room. "I need to do some work in my office, I'll be back in awhile." He gave her a concerned look and a slight nod.

She knew by his look that something had happened. Draco looked awful – he was practically trembling.

"I was very worried about after you fainted in my classroom. I checked up on you, but you were asleep with Professor Snape watching over you. How are you feeling?"

He found his voice again. "I'm okay," he responded faintly.

She looked at him sympathetically. "You don't look very well. Come, sit beside me."

He looked uncomfortable, but then he came and sat down at the opposite end of the sofa. His arms stayed crossed around himself.

"I don't approve that you are sneaking away taking illicit potions, but you do know that I am very concerned about you?"

He nodded slightly.

"You could have reacted much worse than you did. You could have died, you do realize that don't you?"

"Yeah," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

She got up and moved to sit right beside him. Her hand rested on his shoulder.

"Do you trust me, Draco?"

The pained gray eyes turned to her then looked away again. "I don't know."

She placed a gentle hand on his cheek and turned his face towards her. "I am here for you and you can trust me. You can come to me whenever you need me. I just want you to know that." She lightly brushed the hair off his brow then patted his back.

His heart clenched. "I know." His voice sounded choked as he turned towards her.

She pulled him into her arms and soothingly stroked his back. He sighed; it felt so good to have someone care about him.

"Whatever is going on, I will help you through this," she assured him.

He took some deep, shuddering breaths then pulled out of her embrace. He still couldn't tolerate anyone's arms around him for too long. It brought back too many bad memories.

"Why don't you lie down a little. You look exhausted. I'll stay here with you."

He looked into the stern professor's face, whose eyes were suffused with warmth and concern. For a moment he stood frozen, wanting nothing more than to hurl himself back into her comforting arms, but he was too old for that. He looked away and shakily made his way to his bed.

* * *

Snape entered the hospital wing and found Ginny encouraging Harry as he gingerly explored the hospital wing. He narrowed his eyes, noting how pale the boy was. He held his head down, concentrating on where he was walking. Snape realized that he missed Potter's defiant green-eyed gaze; these days he rarely looked up.

"I know you're there Professor, er Severus," Harry said quietly.

Snape couldn't help the small twitch of his lips over Harry calling him Severus. "I see you are exploring your environment."

"Yeah, well it's quite boring in here day after day and Ginny suggested I get out of bed and stretch my legs."

Snape glanced at the dark-eyed, redhead who glared at him defiantly. "Well, it appears as though detention with Filch has done wonders for you."

She opened her mouth to retort but then thought better of it. Snape smirked, his eyes narrowing in malicious pleasure.

"If you keep improving, you'll be able to go back to your dorm soon," Snape said, focusing back on Harry.

Harry looked down at the floor, then hesitantly asked, "Do you think you'll find a potion that can get me my sight back?"

"I'm still doing some more research on it. I promise you, Potter, I'll do my best. Let's do a little practice shall we?"

Harry sighed and reluctantly pulled out his wand.

"You won't need your wand for this. I'm going to move around the room. Everytime I stop, I want you to say out loud where I am. You will need to focus on the slightest of sounds. Ready?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said quietly.

Snape walked as if on air. Harry concentrated hard, trying to catch the sound of a shoe on the floor, or the shuffle of a step. He finally heard a slight ruffle of Snape's cloak. When there was silence he spoke up: "You're to the right of me, near Pomfrey's office.

"I am impressed. You have, for once, made an effort," Snape responded.

Harry snorted. He recognized that the snarky remark was Snape's version of praise.

They repeated the exercise a number of times and Harry discovered that his hearing was able to pick up a number of the softest, barely audible noises.

Snape explained that his other senses were now extra fine to compensate for his sight loss.

"Let's try again what we were working on yesterday. Try to block the spells I send towards you," Snape ordered.

Harry held out his wand. The first tickling spell hit him just before he realized it was coming. He fell to the floor laughing before Snape lifted it. When Snape cast the next spell, he was able to stop the bubbles before they hit his face.

"Definitely better," said Snape.

"Harry, perhaps you should lie down again for a bit?" Ginny suggested, noting the flush on his cheeks.

"I must agree with Miss Weasley. We can do a little more every day," Snape concurred.

"I'm tired of lying around all the time," Harry protested. He wanted to keep busy so he wouldn't think of the panic in Draco's voice.

Snape sighed in relief; the boy was getting his spirit back. "Nevertheless Potter, you need to rest and heal from all the Cruciatus Curses you were subjected to."

"Come on, Harry." Ginny took his hand and led him back to the bed.

He left the two of them alone, having no desire to witness the snogging that would no doubt occur.

* * *

Two hours later, after Draco had gotten up again, Snape quietly entered the room carrying two boxes of pizza. "Minerva, would you join us for dinner?"

"I would love to, Severus," she responded.

Draco sullenly sat there. Normally he loved pizza, but his throat was so tight he knew he wouldn't be able to get a bite past his mouth.

Snape handed him a potion, but Draco shook his head.

"It's a calming potion."

He glared at him furiously. "So, that's your plan? Drug me so you can look into my mind again?"

"I promise I won't do Legilimency on you again without your permission."

His words brought fear to Draco's heart. Did that mean he saw what had happened? His mind was so fuzzy these days he wasn't sure what Snape might have seen. "What did you see?"

"Nothing. You leapt up and fell over the table before I could get a connection," Snape lied smoothly.

Minerva's eyes narrowed for a second. She knew the haunted look in his eyes and she knew that meant something was disturbing him

When she saw Draco visibly relax and take the vial, she realized that Snape had a purpose for lying and apparently telling Draco anything right now would be too much for him to handle.

After dinner, they both convinced Draco to lie down again. He didn't protest and went almost willingly. The events of the last few days had apparently exhausted him. Minerva left feeling very worried that there was a lot more going on than either of them let on.

Late that same night, Harry thrashed about under his sheets.

"_Traitor!" hissed Voldemort._

_Harry cringed as he heard the venom in his voice. Everything was dark and he couldn't see._

_He heard a barely suppressed cry of pain._

"_A true Death Eater doesn't succumb to something as weak and worthless as love, Severus. You should applaud us for hardening the boy, making him loyal, teaching him who is his master!"_

"_You are a sick perverted creature who doesn't deserve to live," spat Snape._

"_No, my dear Severus, it is you who doesn't deserve to live."_

_There was another cry of pain from Snape, hoarse and gut wrenching._

_A cold sweat broke out over Harry. He couldn't see anything and then he remembered that he was blind. He couldn't stop this._

"_Goodbye, Severus. Avada Kedavra," came Voldemort's hiss._

_Harry heard a heavy thud then, with a sinking heart, he realized Snape was gone. _

_He whispered, "No, please no," as tears of horror filled his eyes._

_A voice shrieked in his ear. "It's your fault Potter! You told him! Now he's dead. My guardian is dead! I have to go back to my father and…" Great gulping breaths filled the air. _

"_Draco?" he whispered._

_The gulping breaths turned into sobs and Draco cried brokenheartedly beside him._

He sat up, breathing harshly, the images racing through his head, a lump welling in his throat. He trembled uncontrollably, putting his hands over his face.

Suddenly, an arm came around him, holding his shaking body and rubbing his back. He took some deep, gulping breaths. His heart raced wildly. A hand came to his forehead. For a split second he thought it was Mrs. Weasley but then the person spoke. "Potter, you are burning up. How long has this been going on?" came Snape's concerned voice.

He was shocked to discover that it was Snape who had his arm around him. It was just all a dream. He wrapped his arms around the Potion Master's neck in relief.

Snape was startled by Potter's reaction. He practically clung to him, almost in desperation.

He wrapped his other arm around the burning teen, trying to bring him some comfort. "You're going to be okay, Harry. Take some deep breaths, calm down."

Harry closed his eyes and exhaustedly dropped his head to Snape's shoulder. He felt hot, his throat was dry and his body ached miserably all over.

He knew he should let go of Snape, but for a moment he felt safe, protected.

Snape held Harry tightly. He wished Draco would let himself be comforted like this. He was coming to realize a lot more had happened during the capture than either of the boys had revealed.

"Don't die, please," he whispered.

With shock he realized that Harry must have dreamt his death. The plea warmed his heart and he dropped his cheek onto the boy's head in reassurance.

"Harry, please tell me everything that happened when you and Draco were captured. What did the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters do?"

* * *

Next chapter: "**Time Cannot Erase**" Snape and Harry continue their heart to heart. Snape, Lupin, Dumbledore, and Minerva talk. Draco has a nightmare. Harry's fever escalates. Dominic returns.

**A/N#2:** Please review.


	35. Time cannot Erase

**A/N:** _Special well wishes and thoughts to all U.S. readers and victims affected by Hurricane Katrina. A special wish and comfort also to all stranded animals suffering and starving who I see on my tv every night I hope you are all rescued before it's too late._

_Thank you all – and welcome to new readers arayastar, schnabeldame, fleetermouse who have conquered Solstice as well as the sequel._

_Thanks all…starangel2106, lucidity, supernova8610, Droxy, rosiegirl, DebsTheSnapeFanNow, baby sweet, Catmint, okicantthinkofastupidpenname, Melindaleo, excessively perky, Delaine, inu-youkai 911, AbraJade, Linker27, Lyss33, Serenity Melody, Nikelodean, Barbara Cain, Missy, Kitteh, theLastBLACK17, midnightwanderer01, Modanubikum, Rotem, Swiffer, Leanne, sari5156, arayastar, schnabeldame, fleetermouse, Persephone Lupin, Zen_

This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal."

Big thank you to my wonderful beta, Staporize.

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 35: Time Cannot Erase**

He needed to let go of Snape. Harry knew that, but it was so hard when it felt so good having so much warmth around him.

Inhaling sharply, he collected himself and pulled back slightly. "Voldemort wanted me to tell him what the prophecy said. He had two muggle children; he threatened to kill them unless I told him. So, so I made up the rest of the prophecy, but…" Harry's voice grew choked.

Snape's hand came out to stoke the back of his neck. "He killed them anyway?" he asked quietly.

Harry gulped. "Yes."

"Did Draco witness this also?"

"Yes."

"Knowing he doesn't have any respect for Muggles, how did he react?" Snape questioned.

"He was badly shaken too, but he was also injured from Lucius' Gaugario curse at the time."

Snape's voice gently inquired, "Have you been dreaming about it?"

"Sometimes." Harry pulled completely back. His dreams were something he didn't want to talk about.

"It wasn't your fault, no matter what you would have done those children were doomed," Snape assured softly before continuing. "Aside from being Crucio'd repeatedly, what else happened?"

Harry didn't respond. His heart clenched. Talking about Voldemort's version of the future wasn't something he wanted to do.

"Harry?"

He shook his head wearily.

"You need to talk about it. I know it's late so I won't push you, but when you are ready let me know," Snape ordered.

He nodded as he lay down under the blankets.

He heard Snape get up and heard his footsteps walking away. He felt disappointed that he hadn't even said goodnight, but moments later he heard the footsteps return as well as footsteps he recognized as belonging to Madam Pomfrey.

He felt her hand on his forehead, then felt the slight breeze of a wand being waved over him.

"He definitely has a fever, but I can't find any physical cause for it," he heard Pomfrey tell Snape.

"Harry, did you eat anything unusual today? Anything that maybe could have caused an allergic reaction?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"We'll have to monitor him. It may go away by itself," Pomfrey said to Snape. She walked away and Snape's hand lightly brushed across Harry's forehead.

"Before you drop off to sleep, would you care to tell my why you said 'please don't die'?"

Harry sank deeper into his pillows. "I dreamt that Voldemort killed you."

"Why?"

He hesitated. "You went after him because I told you about Draco."

Snape sighed, clearly agitated.

"Please don't go after him. I swear Draco would do himself in if you were killed," Harry stated quietly.

"He wouldn't kill himself. I'm not his only guardian," Snape said, his voice sounding strained.

"But you are the one he has known since he was little. He can't show it, but I know he thinks of you as a father."

A lump formed in Snape's throat. He suddenly remembered back to the Christmas holidays and Draco's first Occlumency lesson when he saw Draco's shot at Lucius: "I wish you weren't my father, I wish Professor Snape was."

"He completely denies that anything happened to him, but I performed Legilimency on him without his permission. I only had a brief flash of not being able to move and horrible, searing pain, which lead me to believe it did indeed happen."

"No, not with Voldemort. It had to have been Lucius, but it couldn't have been."

"Perhaps you just missed it. The Dark Lord…the Dark Lord is all about holding power. He would construe something like that as holding power over the person by forcing them, degrading them, and if they are young enough, brainwashing them into believing it is an honour."

Harry shuddered slightly. "That's sick."

"Yes," came the hoarse response.

Another shiver coursed through Harry. "Did, did he do that to you?"

"What?" Snape seemed lost in his thoughts. "No, no, not to me."

"Please Professor, er, Severus, don't go after him."

Snape didn't respond.

"When we were held captive, after, after Draco thought he had been…well, he said he didn't want to get out alive. I'm serious – if you die he'll do something desperate."

"No, Harry, Draco is stronger than you think, stronger than even he thinks he is. I promise I won't go after the Dark Lord. I can't kill him. That's why I want to make you as strong and as capable as possible."

Harry took a deep breath, responding faintly, "I'll try not to let you down."

A hand came out briefly stroking the damp hair back off his brow.

"I need to go to a meeting. When it's over, I'll come back and stay with you for awhile."

"I don't need someone holding my hand," Harry said, resentment heavy in his voice.

Snape responded with a snort. "I assure you that I'm not the hand holding type."

"No, I guess not," Harry said with amusement in his voice.

"Would you agree to having me perform Legilimency on you? I need to see exactly what you saw when Draco was with the Dark Lord and Lucius."

Harry froze for a moment. He didn't want Snape seeing Voldemort's prediction and how it had haunted him almost every night.

Snape scowled, sensing Harry's nervousness. There was obviously something he didn't want revealed. "I promise I will only focus on that part," he quickly assured him.

"Okay," Harry responded, his voice low. He lay back down and listened to Snape's footsteps leaving the ward.

* * *

Snape realized he was the last one to arrive at the headmaster's office. Dumbledore had requested a meeting so all could get an update of Draco and Harry's condition since the capture.

Molly and Tonks were there, in addition to Draco's guardians.

"Severus, is everything in order?" Albus asked, looking at him intently through blue eyes.

"Potter has developed a fever and he's suffering from what I believe are repeated nightmares. The Dark Lord tortured and killed two Muggle children in front of him and Draco. I believe that he threatened to kill them unless Potter told him all that the prophecy revealed. Potter made up a false prophecy, but the children were killed anyway. I think there is more, but Potter refuses to talk about it."

Molly looked horrified.

"Thank you, Severus. Has Madam Pomfrey checked him over to rule out a physical reason for the fever?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes. Although…I suspect that it may have something to do with all the Cruciatus Curses he suffered and perhaps the spell that blinded him," the Potions Master speculated.

"I'll talk to him to see if I can get him to reveal what happened. Would Draco be able to help with that?" Molly asked.

"No," he curtly replied. He hesitated then glanced at Tonks, who looked worried, and the headmaster, who nodded wearily. "We believe that Draco may have been…" he found himself choking, not being able to finish the sentence.

"What Severus is trying to say is that he may have been sexually violated while in captivity," the headmaster explained quietly.

Gasps were heard around the room.

"My word, Albus! Why haven't we been informed of this earlier?" Minerva demanded, her eyes flashing.

"That poor boy," Molly interjected tearfully.

"From what I am to understand, Draco is in a very precarious state. He does not admit to anything having happened. I need your word that none of you will bring this up with him. I believe with time and patience on Severus' part, he will talk about whatever happened. If not Severus, then Minerva or perhaps Tonks. But I want to stress that the subject must not be broached. I am very concerned over his current mental state. He has not acted rationally and has endangered his well being on a number of occasions. Severus has taken over the management of his vault at Gringotts. He cannot access any of his wealth without Severus' approval. I have a tracker on him that Tonks is managing. We will know where he is at all times. Now, while we wait for Draco to reveal what happened, we must consider Harry's trauma as well. Severus would you give us an update?"

"He has been progressing well with his training, despite a very poor start. I insist that all of you force him to be independent. No coddling him and doing things for him that he can do himself." He glared at Lupin as he spoke.

"Now Severus, the boy cannot see. We have to take that in consideration."

Snape cut him off. "Do _not_ coddle him. You are not doing him any favours. He can be self-sufficient and I will not have you undo what I have worked hard to achieve!"

"Severus, calm yourself. Remus cares about Harry very much and he will not harm him."

Snape's cold eyes bore into Lupin's, who stood back unfazed.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. It was obvious that he was annoyed by this Potion Master's behaviour. He gave him a stern look, causing Snape to break eye contact. Minerva bit her lip to restrain the smile that tugged at her mouth.

"Knowing that the responsibility of eliminating Voldemort lies on his shoulders, Harry must be suffering immensely under the handicap of being blind," Dumbledore said. "It is not part of Harry's nature to throw tantrums - well rarely." He smiled softly to himself. "Or to be self destructive. He needs our encouragement, love, and support – both boys do desperately."

"What will we do about this fever?" Minerva asked, concerned.

"It may be a simple cold or something more serious," Molly added her worry.

"I think we need to wait and see what develops. Severus, would you spend the night in the hospital wing?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape nodded. "I had planned to."

"I will, with your permission, spend the night in your room in case Draco requires assistance. I think it's time I reinforced myself as one of his guardians."

The meeting adjourned and Snape returned to the hospital wing while Dumbledore entered Snape's rooms. He was alarmed to hear raspy breathing coming from the room Draco slept in. He hurried in to find the blond tangled in his sheets whimpering sporadically in his sleep.

"Draco?" he gently touched his arm but the teen screamed "NO!" and attempted to scramble away, fighting desperately with the sheets that ensnared him. Dumbledore waved his wand, turning on the lights.

After a moment, Draco realized he was in his room and a very concerned looking headmaster was sitting calmly on the end of the bed.

Draco's breathing was laboured and each breath came painfully.

The headmaster moved closer. "May I?" He motioned to his chest. He nodded as Dumbledore placed his hand over his chest. He found the stress on his breathing easier and he was able to inhale without pain. The old wizard then very gently and briefly swept the damp blond hair off his forehead.

"Are you all right now, my dear boy?"

Too embarrassed to respond verbally, he nodded wearily.

"Good. Professor Snape will be keeping an eye on Harry in the hospital wing tonight, as he has developed a disturbing fever."

The blond's eyes widened. "Will he be okay?'

"We certainly hope so."

"Why are you here?" he asked suspiciously.

"I am merely taking Professor Snape's place in case any of the Slytherin students have an emergency tonight."

Draco seemed to relax a fraction.

"I will leave you to slumber. Just remember, Draco, as I discussed with you last year: troubles can be lessened when they are shared." With that, he waved off the light and left the room to go back into the living room.

Draco lay down, closing his eyes tightly. He had dreamt of the Dark Lord's attack on him again. He pulled the blanket tightly around him and curled up against Loki, the headmaster's words ringing in his ears.

* * *

Harry seemed even more flushed when Snape returned. He rested his palm against the boy's forehead and discovered him to be even warmer than before. He conjured up a blanket of ice and spread it over Harry.

"That's freezing," he mumbled.

"I know it's not exactly comfortable, but we need to bring your fever down. Do you have a sore throat? Headache? Any flu or cold like symptoms?" Snape asked worriedly.

"No," Harry responded, feeling very sleepy.

Snape sat back, puzzled.

With a groan, Harry pulled himself into a sitting position.

"Lie down, Harry," Snape ordered impatiently.

"No, you wanted to do Legilimency on me, so let's do it. Maybe it will help Draco," Harry insisted.

"You are ill. I'm not going to perform Legilimency on you, idiot boy. Go to sleep!" the Potions Master snarled.

Harry snorted in defiance. "I'm fine, just a little warm."

Anger flared in Snape's cold, dark eyes. "Lie down."

"Or what? You'll slap me again?" Harry challenged. "Or perhaps you'd like to cane me?" He sighed in frustration. "You want me to be independent, so stop ordering me what to do."

Snape stayed silent.

"Just do it," Harry demanded, exasperation in his voice.

Snape pulled out his wand. "_Legilimens_." In a flash, he saw what Harry had seen: Draco being tied to a tree, stripped of his clothes, Lucius whispering in his ear, the Dark Lord touching him, the sound of an explosion, the Dark Lord leaving, Lucius carrying Draco into the cell, and finally Draco in shock.

Snape ended the spell, shaking slightly. He understood now why Harry didn't think that Draco had been assaulted, but Draco's reaction upon returning was extremely disturbing. His ward was obviously traumatized.

Without being told to do so, Harry lay down under the cold blanket. It took Snape a moment to realize how pale he had become.

He brought his hand to the black-haired teen's forehead; he was even hotter than before.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Tired," came Harry's quiet response.

"Here, take a drink of cold water." Snape reached under his shoulders and half lifted him so he could drink.

"Why is this happening? Just when I was starting to learn what you were trying to teach me."

"Just relax, Potter, don't think about it right now and get some sleep."

After drinking the cool liquid, an incredible weariness overcame Harry. He lay down, shivering under the blanket of ice and fell into a restless sleep.

Snape sat back, marveling once again at the self-sacrificing acts of the boy in front of him. He had wanted to help Draco and, despite his own ill health, he had insisted that Snape perform Legilimency on him.

The dark haired youth whimpered softly in his sleep. He reached out, brushing his hand softly over his forehead. "Hush, Potter, it will be all right. I will make it all right."

"How is he?"

Snape jumped. He had been so focused on Harry that his keen sense of alertness had somehow deserted him. He looked up into Tonks' dark gaze.

"Not well," he said softly.

She pulled up another chair and sat down beside him.

"The fever seems worse," he explained then added, "Despite how he is feeling, he insisted I perform Legilimency so I could see exactly what he saw happen to Draco."

She looked at him horrified. "You saw?" she stammered.

He shook his head. "From Harry's perspective, it really doesn't look like the assault happened, but seeing Draco's reaction afterwards, it is obvious that _something_ occurred."

"Is it possible that he had blocked out a previous experience and the events triggered his memory?" she asked.

He scowled darkly. "I hadn't thought of that. I'll have to ask Harry if there was any time during their capture that they had been separated."

Their discussion was interrupted by Harry groaning.

"Potter? What is it?"

"My scar," he gasped.

Snape examined him but did not see anything of note. "Is it hurting you?"

"It burns," Harry panted. The pain was once again all consuming and he wished he could just pass out.

Snape looked at Tonks anxiously. She, however, was busy Accio'ing some ice to put over Harry's scar.

The boy shivered, yet was flushed at the same time. Snape helped him sit up, but apparently the pain was considerable and, gritting his teeth, Harry fell against the Potions Master. With a sigh and bit of a helpless look, he hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped an arm around Harry, letting him lean propped up against his shoulder. He took the wrapped ice from Tonks and held it over his scar.

Tonks looked on in amazement. She had never seen such a gentle side to Snape when dealing with any student. Seeing him comforting Harry as he was caused a warm feeling to stir in her heart. The bad-tempered, bitter Potions Master had a soft spot buried deep inside. He glanced at her, clearly unnerved that she was witnessing this. The man who didn't want anyone coddling Harry was doing just that. She suppressed her smile; it was just all so sweet.

When Harry drifted off to sleep, Snape gently laid him down and moved off the bed to sit near Tonks.

"If he isn't better by morning, I'm going to have to get Dominic here from St. Mungo's. He can use a portkey and be here within minutes."

She nodded. "Maybe this fever and his blindness are connected?"

"I hope the last potion I gave him didn't contribute to this," he said stiffly.

She reached over and squeezed his hand. Entranced by her small hand, he turned his palm up so he could squeeze hers back.

* * *

Next chapter: "**These wounds won't seem to heal**" Dominic returns and performs some tests on Harry. Snape forces Draco. Chaos reigns. Draco begs McGonagall. Harry begs for it all to end. Ginny comforts.

A/N#2: author is hungry, please feed author...


	36. These Wounds Won't Seem to Heal

**A/N:** _Thank you all – and welcome to new reader, Aduro, who has conquered Solstice as well as the sequel…_

**Thanks all…nicole, baby sweet, Melindaleo, rosiegirl, Modanubikum, Weirdcraz24, supernova8610, Catmint, Rosaleen, inu-youkai 911, Linker27, DebsTheSnapeFanNow, schnabeldame, Vampire Queen, girl in the corner, SBR, Danaan, excessively perky, Blonde Dragon, Delaine, Serenity Melody, Healer123, JellyFish72, Nikelodean, angel's lusts, helloitsme-again, Aduro, lackykaDz, ashley, Cheelalaucha, ckat44, anonymous, lucidity, IcyPanther, Leanne, twinlady, midnightwanderer01, sari5156, starangel2106, Droxy, DNA Strand, vicki**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal."_

_Huge thanks to my pro active beta Staporize who jumps in when I'm slacking...what would I do without you! Thanks so much!_

_Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR_

**Chapter 36: These wounds won't seem to heal**

During the night, Harry awoke drenched in sweat and feeling nauseous from the pain in his eyes.

"Come, I'll help you into the shower," he heard Snape say as a strong arm curled around his back and half lifted him to her feet. His scar and his eyes burned hotly; he winced and put his hand over both.

Snape didn't say anything but rested his hand comfortingly over the middle of his back. He heard the shower start and was about to remove his clothes when Snape muttered something and, much to his embarrassment, he found himself standing naked. The hand on his back gave him a slight push and he found himself amidst a steady stream of cool water. He sighed contentedly as the water cooled off his feverish skin.

It did nothing, however, to ease his discomfort to be standing without a stitch of clothing on in front of Snape.

"That's enough, Harry. I don't want you getting chilled."

Before he could protest, the water turned off and a dry, fluffy towel encased him and started to briskly dry him off.

"I can do this myself," Harry found himself snapping.

Snape let go hastily.

As Harry finished drying himself off, he found himself shivering. He hated whatever was going on with him. He felt weak and helpless. Seconds after he finished drying himself off, he found himself in a dry pair of pajamas, a warm robe, and soft slippers.

"Back to bed with you," Snape ordered.

He plodded along beside the Potions Master, listening to his footsteps. He took off his robe and, with a sigh, climbed back under the now fresh sheets. Snape once again covered him with the ice blanket, with caused him to shiver even more.

"I will ensure that Dominic is back here in the morning. We need help with this, Harry."

"Do you think he can help me get my sight back?"

Snape was silent for a moment. "I don't know, Harry, I don't know anything anymore. I would say it is not very likely, but since none of us can figure out what this fever is and what is causing it, there may very well be a connection. I just don't want you to get your hopes up."

"I'll try not to," Harry murmured, but his heart skipped a beat at the thought that perhaps he would be able to see again.

"Try to sleep," came Snape's voice, sounding strangely soft and concerned.

His eyes closed but in his heart he held the hope that perhaps sometime tomorrow he would see again.

When he awoke the next morning he heard voices. He realized that Dominic was back when he heard the Irish accent.

"'Lo Dominic."

"Hi Harry lad, how are you feeling this morning? Any pain in your scar and your eyes?"

"Yes," he admitted reluctantly.

He felt a wand waving over him, then a hand on his face lifting his eyelids and gently probing his scar.

"While you were sleeping, Professor Snape filled me in on some of the things that happened while you were captured. I understand some children were murdered in front of you?"

He nodded.

"I believe you are experiencing some trauma after what has happened."

"Do you think that perhaps maybe once the trauma has worn off that I'll get my sight back?" he couldn't help asking hopefully.

"I would caution you to not have false hopes. Your retinas were burned and there is nothing I can do to heal them. I'm sorry, Harry."

His heart sank and a weariness that he had never before experienced came down on him, suffocating him.

"I believe the fever is connected to the trauma. I have a healing spell I can do to alleviate that. Once the fever has gone down, I hope that the pain you are experiencing will cease."

Snape watched as the long lashed eyes closed. He could feel Harry's palpable despair – he knew that he hadn't accepted his blindness yet. For that matter, Snape hadn't either. He still believed there was a potion somewhere out there that could bring back his sight.

"Harry, my dear boy, we are all here for you."

"Professor Dumbledore?" he asked hoarsely, having not realized that the headmaster was in the room.

"Yes Harry, I'm here, as is Remus."

"Moony?"

"Right here, Harry," came Lupin's voice from the left side of the bed. His hand squeezed Harry's.

He knew it was nice of them to all be there, but at that point he wanted nothing more than to be alone.

He could feel Dominic's wand again and heard him chanting some strange words he didn't recognize. Then he felt the blanket of ice being removed and a warmer, softer one being placed over him. He turned on his side, away from all the visitors.

The images from Voldemort's vision kept repeating in his head. His scar and eyes still burned. He realized then that no one would be able to fix him.

After a few well meaning pats on the back and encouraging words, everyone left the room except for Lupin.

His voice resonated in the still room. "Harry, I know you must have been hoping that the healer could bring your sight back and I can understand how disappointed you must feel."

"I won't be able to defeat him. No matter how much Snape has coached and trained me."

"You mustn't believe that – you must have faith that Severus has, and still is, sharpening your senses. I bet you have learned a lot more than you think."

"I still won't be able to dodge or shield myself against any Unforgiveables that Vodlemort hurls at me. I also won't be able to protect anyone from him. As sadistic as he is, he will kill off everyone close to me and then ultimately torture me."

Lupin's voice grew firm. "May I remind you that your parents gave up their lives for you. Imagine how they would feel if they saw you becoming so despondent and giving up before the battle has even started!"

Harry didn't respond, a wall of guilt curling in his gut and making him feel even worse.

"Would you tell me what happened?" Lupin prodded gently.

"They were red heads, just like the Weasleys," Harry found himself blurting out. He hadn't actually wanted to talk about it, but somehow the words just fell out.

"Do you suppose Voldemort selected them on purpose, knowing how close you are to the Weasleys?"

He snorted. "I wouldn't put it past him to do something that cruel."

"What else happened?"

A part of him wanted to talk about Voldemort's vision and what it was doing to him, but it made him feel week and vulnerable when awake and he hated feeling that way. He shook his head.

He felt Lupin's hand hesitantly touch his shoulder.

"When you are ready to talk and if you'd like to talk to me, I'm here for you," came his gentle voice.

When he heard Lupin's footsteps leave the hospital wing, he brought his hand up over his scar. It was times like this when he really missed Sirius. He wished he could talk to him and get advice. He knew Sirius would never give up the belief that he would get his sight back. He fell back asleep.

The terrible dream that had haunted him since the capture came again. Once again, the portraits of everyone he cared about talked to him and reassured him but this time he heard Voldemort's cruel voice shout out the killing curse and the spots where his friends faces were in the portraits turned into black smoking holes.

"No!" He sat up.

"Shhhh, Harry, what is it?"

His nose suddenly filled with the comforting scent of flowers. "Ginny?"

"Yes, are you all right?"

"Ginny, I'm so tired. I don't want to do this anymore; I hate all this and it won't get better."

"It will get better…" Ginny started to respond.

"No! It won't. The healer from St. Mungo's was here. I won't get my sight back and there's nothing he can do, nothing anyone can do, ever!"

He hadn't meant to yell or to have his voice sound so panicked. He felt his face flush in embarrassment.

"If that's true then we'll deal with it," she said gently.

He took a deep breath.

"It doesn't matter, Harry. Everyone who cares about can tell you that. You are still Harry whether or not you'll ever see again."

"I can't beat Voldemort."

She snorted angrily. "I thought you had finally gotten over that. Keep working with Snape and you will be able to beat Voldemort!"

Harrry lay back down. He loved her optimism and he loved that she was there, but even she couldn't understand how tired he was feeling and how much his eyes and scar kept hurting. He closed his eyes. He felt Ginny lie down beside him. Her hair tickled his nose, her arm warm across his chest.

"Just rest now, it's going to be okay," she whispered.

* * *

After classes were over, Draco returned to Snape's rooms. He froze when he entered. A stranger stood there with Severus.

"Draco, I'm glad you are on time. This is Dominic – he is a healer from St. Mungo's."

"What's he doing here?" the blond teen asked suspiciously.

"Manners, Draco!" Snape chided.

"I'm here to do a basic examination. There is nothing for you to worry about," Dominic quietly assured.

Draco's eyes grew wide and terrified. He looked helplessly at Snape for assistance.

"No," he whispered.

"Draco, it's all right. I'll be right here with you and you won't be touched," Snape said quietly, moving towards him.

His breathing escalated. "No…I said no. I don't want to be examined! I told you, nothing happened!"

"I just want to assure myself that you are all right," Snape said calmly, putting his hands on the now shaking teen's shoulders.

Draco's breath caught in his throat as he felt his throat tighten. He bit his lip hard to try and quell the panic tearing through him.

"No, Severus, please!" he pleaded.

"Draco, just calm down. I'm right here."

The blond wizard pulled his wand. His hand was shaking as he pointed it at the healer out of desperation.

Snape snatched it out of his hand. Draco gasped "You bastard!"

He attempted to run for the door. Snape gently grabbed him, trapping his with his arms pinned to the side and his legs immobilized underneath him.

"_Stupefy_." Snape cast the spell. It pained him to do so and to see Draco so desperate. But as his guardian, he had to insist on an examination. Perhaps there was something the healer could do to help him.

He levitated Draco onto the bed.

"I wish you hadn't done that. Actions like this contribute the trauma he may have already experienced."

Snape glared at the healer. "Just hurry up and DO NOT touch him."

Dominic went over and scanned Draco. Snape then gently turned him over onto his stomach, muttering quiet assurances that it would be over in a moment and that the healer would not touch him. Again, Dominic scanned him with his wand.

"It will take a few days for the full results from the scan." Snape nodded and waved him out of the room. As the healer left, Tonks entered.

Seeing Draco lying Stupefied, she let out a loud gasp.

"Oh, Severus, what have you done? Lift the spell NOW!"

Startled by the panic in her voice, he waved his wand and lifted the curse.

"He was Stupefied when he was attacked!"

Snape's dark eyes reflected worry as he reached out towards Draco.

The young Slytherin immediately turned over and sat up, cowering against the wall. His resolve broke and a gasping sob burst through. He had just relived every last detail of the attack. He covered his face with his hands and attempted to get himself under control, but he couldn't believe that Severus had forced him.

Snape immediately put an arm around his shoulder, but Draco practically fell off the bed in his haste to get away. Tonks dropped to her knees on the floor beside him, putting her arms around him, holding him.

"I know how hard that was, sweetie. I know, but it's all over now. We'll make it through this," she reassured him quietly.

He lay on his side where he had fallen, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

Snape dropped down beside him, his shaking hand fell to Draco's head. "Draco," he said in a voice full of anguish.

Like lightening, he bolted up scooting away from Snape, almost squishing Tonks in his haste. "You forced me!" he screamed at Snape. " I, I, don't care if you are my guardian you had no right! No right to do that to me!" His face flushed, his body trembled badly, and his expression was glacial.

Tonks's heart twisted painfully for the boy beside her suffering so immensely and again as she looked at Snape, his dark eyes glistening suspiciously. He opened his mouth to speak, but apparently was too choked to get anything out.

She turned back to Draco's wild, accusing eyes. "Severus didn't hurt you, Draco."

"I didn't allow Dominic to touch you," Snape said hoarsely.

The shivers coursing through his body were making him feel so sick. He couldn't believe how vulnerable he had felt and Snape had made him do it and had watched. Images jumbled in his head: Tonks was protecting Snape, she was supposed to be on his side. He shakily got to his feet, slapping Tonks's hand off his arm when she reached out to him.

"Stay away from me, both of you!" His voice came out with more control than he felt.

He stiffly went out the door.

"Watch your locator and make sure he doesn't leave the castle," Snape said, his voice low and worried.

"He's going to be okay. He just needs to calm down," she assured him.

Snape collapsed on the sofa, feeling extremely nauseous. He shouldn't have forced him, he should have let the healer calmly deal with him. He worried that he had forever shattered whatever trust the boy had in him. He realized Tonks sat down beside him, putting her hand comfortingly on his back.

Draco ran headlong down the hallways, knocking students out of his way. He raced towards McGonagall's private rooms and arrived panting at her door. He knocked on it frantically. She opened it, took one look at him, and summoned him inside.

"Draco, what's happened?'

"Can I stay here? You have to be my guardian!"

"I am one of your guardians, but Professor Snape is your main one…"

"NO! I hate him! I don't ever want to see him or Tonks again. He, he … he forced me! Please be my main guardian…PLEASE!"

Minerva stood back, regarding the shivering, obviously distraught teen in front of her. She nodded. "All right, Draco, you can stay in the guest room for tonight. Tomorrow morning, when you are a little less hysterical, we will discuss this some more."

His eyes had welled up. She led him into the guest room and transfigured some pajamas. He meekly followed her, obviously exhausted from whatever had happened.

She handed him the night clothes. "Let me know when you have put on your pajamas."

With shaking hands, he threw off his clothes and put on the warm pjs. He poked his head around the corner. "I'm done." Then he sat down on the bed.

She came in with a cup of hot cocoa and placed it on the nightstand. He was still shaking so badly. Her heart went out to him. "What happened?"

He shook his head, unable to speak. She put her arms around him while he exhaled slowly, fighting for control.

"Just relax, I promise everything will feel better in the morning."

She sat with her arms around him for along time until finally he stopped shaking. After drinking the cocoa, he lay down and she tucked the blankets around him.

"Sleep, Draco. If you need anything, I'm right here," she assured him.

He felt himself drifting away on soft waves and realized just before he sank into a heavy sleep that she must have put something into the cocoa.

* * *

**Next chapter: "Wipe away all of your Tears" Draco finally tells what he experienced. Harry sinks deeper and the healer cannot find a physical reason. Nightmares dominate. Mrs. Weasley helps.**

**A/N#2:**_ author is still hungry, the cold pizza from last night wasn't satisfying, please feed author..._


	37. Wipe away all of your Tears part 1

**A/N:** _Sorry this chapter is 2 weeks late, but I've been a little sad lately and my muse went away. This chapter is dedicated to my silver Persian kitty, Nymph, who died in the early hours of Sept. 23rd at the age of 18. At one point as she lay dying in my arms despite her weakened state she lifted her head to look into my eyes one more time-it was a look of love and I knew she didn't want to go anymore than I wanted her to, she inspired a part of this chapter. Saying goodbye to pets is never easy. She was a beautiful, sweet girl, both inside and out, and I will miss her. A special thanks to melindaleo and rosiegirl for their concern._

_I'm a bit self indulgent as you will see when you read this chapter but I find that when you are a writer life's woes can be made more bearable when one works them out through one's muse. Because of this the chapter had to be divided into two parts._

_Thank you all – and welcome to new reader, injuredworm, who has conquered Solstice as well as the sequel…_

**Thanks all…ER Burner Of Cookies, DarthRoden, Danaan, theLastBLACK17, Melindaleo, starangel2106, rosiegirl, Catmint, SBR, Cheelalaucha, Daniel Radcliffe's Angel 10689, Rosaleen, padfoot, inu-youkai 911, Leanne, Blonde Dragon, nicole, Serenity Melody, supernova8610, excessively perky, Melissa, DNA strand, Pasht, Rotem, Nikelodean, Linker27, Shadow DarknessDragon (giggles –loved that review), Delaine, angel74, baby sweet, midnightwanderer01, Aduro, Chance, Modanubikum, LilyMalfoy, injuredworm, starlightsuprise, Droxy, lucidity, Lavena, Icy Panther, Sever13**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal."_

_Big thanks to my beta Staporize…_

_Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR_

**Chapter 37: I'll wipe away all of your tears (part one) **

Shortly after Draco had fallen asleep, the knock that Minerva had been expecting came at the door.

Snape stood there, his dark eyes looking frantic. "I need to talk to him."

"Calm down, Severus, the boy is sleeping. I gave him a calming draught; he was hysterical when he came here. What happened?"

The agony on the usually stern, controlled face of the Potions Master tore through Minerva. She reached out and patted his arm. "Come, sit by the fire."

"Can I see him?"

Minerva hesitated. "No, I'm sorry Severus, if he woke up and saw you … he needs to rest."

Snape looked at her pleadingly. "Please, Minerva," he said hoarsely.

She sighed then nodded. "Just for a moment."

Snape softly opened the door and help his wand up. "_Lumos_".

Draco lay curled on his side, his blond hair shining in the light of the wand. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

Snape softly closed the door again and, as if in trance, sat down by the fire. He related to Minerva everything that had happened. By the time he had finished, Minerva's hand had come over her mouth. Once she calmed a bit she attempted to reassure him.

"He's going to be okay."

Snape shook his head morosely.

"Everyone makes mistakes. You meant well. Draco is too traumatized to think clearly right now to see that. You have to give him time."

"I'm not fit to be his guardian."

"Nonsense! Get a hold of yourself Severus! He's a sixteen-year-old boy who has been through a terrible experience. You have to be strong for him; you have to let him know that he can lean on you when he needs to. You have to be the adult."

He pulled himself together and got up, his face composed, his eyes black and bleak.

He looked at her coldly. "Take care of him."

She shook her head at him. "Severus!"

But he didn't respond, he strode out the door instead.

* * *

Ron, with his throat feeling tight, entered the hospital ward. He had some very bad news to tell Harry and wasn't sure how to do so. He had desperately tried to find Hermione to help him deliver this news, but he didn't know where she was.

Harry was walking around the room slowly and his head snapped up when he heard footsteps.

"Ron?" he asked, staring almost right at him.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied, trying to keep his voice light.

Harry smiled. "I'm starting to get quite good at this."

Ron nodded and then, remembering that Harry couldn't see, responded, "Yeah, you are."

"Is something wrong? Your voice sounds strange."

"Err, Harry could you come sit on the bed? I've, err, I've got something to tell you."

Harry froze. "Has Voldemort sprung another attack?"

"No, just come and sit," Ron said quietly.

Harry did as Ron asked, but his heart was racing and a sick feeling entered his stomach.

"Well, what is it, Ron?" Harry asked softly.

"I don't know how to tell you. Err, Harry I went to the Owlery to get Pigwidgeon to send a message to Fred and George – I wanted to get them to send me some stuff and..." He stopped to take a deep breath.

"What Ron, come on spit it out," Harry prompted anxiously.

"Well, Hedwig didn't seem well, she kept falling off her perch, so I went and got Hagrid. He's trying to make her better but, well Harry, it doesn't look good."

Harry had grown pale. "I want to go to see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Hagrid promised to let us know what is wrong with her."

"I have to go." He got up.

"Mr. Weasley, what are doing out of your dorm?" came Snape's sneering voice.

"I had to see Harry."

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Hedwig is sick," Harry explained. "She's with Hagrid and I want to go to her."

"You are not going anywhere. I will check, and if she needs potions, I will help Hagrid. Mr. Weasley, back to your room now," Snape ordered as he turned and briskly left the hospital wing.

"Sorry, Harry."

"She's just not feeling well, she's not dead or anything?"

"No, no of course not." Ron didn't elaborate on how worried Hagrid seemed to be. "I better go. I don't fancy a detention with Snape."

He reached out and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Er, she'll be okay."

Harry nodded.

A little while later he heard Snape's footsteps and Hagrid's lumbering steps.

"Is she okay?"

In response he heard a sniff from Hagrid. His heart clenched.

"She's right here, Harry. She's still alive, but I'm afraid there is nothing more we can do for her," Snape said gently.

"What happened to her?" Harry asked in a faint voice.

A gulping sob from Hagrid. "'Arry, I'm so sorry. She wos older than I thought when I bought her for yeh."

"Snowy owls have a lifespan of about 25 years when in a wizard's care. I estimate she was around 19 when she was given to you. She's old and just hasn't shown it since she's been in remarkably good health."

"So she's dying?" Harry asked, his voice barely audible.

Hagrid gulped loudly.

"I'm afraid so. We've brought her to you so you can say goodbye. She's quite weak." Snape put the blanket with the owl wrapped in it on Harry's lap.

His throat closed as his mind reeled. No, this couldn't be happening on top of everything that had happened this year. His hand came down softly on the downy feathers. She weakly nipped his finger. He leaned down and dropped a kiss on the soft, feathery head. "I love you, Hedwig," he whispered.

Snape stood frozen watching the blind boy with his dying pet. Beside him, Hagrid sobbed noisily into a large handkerchief.

"I want to be alone with her," Harry requested his voice sounding choked.

They reluctantly left the room.

Harry sat with her for over an hour reliving the moment when he first laid eyes on her and was awestruck by her silvery snowy beauty. It had been hard to believe this gorgeous creature belonged to him. He told her how grateful he was to have had her for company during those horrible summers with the Dursleys. Hedwig gave a soft hoot in acknowledgement and a slight flutter of her wings. Harry softly petted her, whispering to her, "I don't want to lose you." He buried his face in her soft feathers. "Thank you for being my loyalpet all those years, delivering all those messages to Sirius. He'll take care of you when…" His voice choked with tears as he took a shaky breath.

While he struggled to gain control, Hedwig sighed and went limp in his arms. Tears welled in his eyes. "No…please, no."

When Snape and Hagrid returned they found him hunched over her protectively.

"'Arry," Hagrid said as he patted him on the back, "let me take 'er."

Harry clenched the limp body tightly. Snape stepped closer and quietly said to Hagrid, "Give him a little while. I'll take care of her later."

"If yeh think that's for the best." Hagrid sniffed.

Snape nodded. After Hagrid left, Snape sat down on the edge of the bed.

He sighed deeply. He had never lost a pet, but he tried to imagine how he would feel if something happened to Loki. The thought made his heart clench. He said quietly, "I know it's hard Harry, and I'm sorry you have to deal with another loss."

The boy didn't respond. He sat bent over his dead pet, taking a raspy breath every so often.

Very gently Snape took Hedwig out of his arms.

Harry took another shaky breath. He didn't want to cry in front of Snape. He squeezed his eyes shut, wiping at his eyes. He wished he could have seen her one last time, he wished he could have looked into her eyes to let her know he loved her.

"She knew how much you loved her," Snape said suddenly.

Harry realized that he had performed Legilimens on him and he hadn't even noticed. He had failed completely. Snape would be disappointed.

He felt Snape sit on the edge of the bed again and was startled as he was enveloped in his arms. It had been a long time since Snape had reached out to him like this. He fought the instinct to pull away. Instead, he sank against the Potions Master's shoulder. A strong hand softly patted his back. Snape didn't say anything, just provided a sympathetic presence. Harry managed to stay in control. After awhile, he pulled back and, in a hoarse voice, said, "I'm all right."

Snape didn't respond verbally just reached out for a moment and put his hand on the side of his head.

He got up, picking up Hedwig, who he had wrapped in a blanket, and left the room.

Harry got out of bed. He felt drained. As he walked towards the washroom it felt as if his heart dragged behind him, like a skydiver with a deflated parachute. He splashed cold water on his face then turned and went back to his bed. He lay on his back feeling shocked and empty.

* * *

"_NO!" He screamed as he was forced up against the tree. He fought wildly against the hands holding him. His hands were tied around the tree and his clothes removed. "Don't worry, Draco, it will all be over soon," a voice said silkily into his ear. "No, Severus, PLEASE!" he shouted desperately, then pleaded, "Don't force me, please." _

Draco awakened, still fighting off the hands that were reaching out to him. It was then he realized the lights were on, there was no tree, and it was only Professor McGonagall trying to calm and reassure him. His chest felt as if it would explode and he found himself coughing, gasping for air and pressing his hands against the pain in his chest. The memory was so strong he found himself retching over the side of the bed.

He hazily realized McGonagall jumped up and hurried towards the fireplace. He closed his eyes, wheezing for air. A few moments later when strong hands attempted to remove his hands from his chest, he protested. The hands immediately stopped. "Shhhh, my dear boy, I'm just trying to help you breathe." He opened his eyes to find Dumbledore.

"May I?"

Draco nodded wearily and moved his hands away from his chest so Dumbledore could perform a healing spell. The warmth flowed through his chest as he sagged against the headmaster. Very gently Dumbledore put an arm around Draco's shoulders. The boy trembled but continued to lean against the steady shoulder.

Draco closed his eyes, surprised to feel safe in the frail old man's light embrace. He still had a hard time tolerating anyone touching him for long, but at the moment he found himself relaxing. Despite the headmaster's appearance, he had heard that he was the most powerful wizard alive, stronger even than the Dark Lord. He had never believed it, but at this moment he was grateful to be where he was. Dumbledore's beard tickled his nose as he heard him softly whisper in his ear. "Rest, Dragon, you are safe."

McGonagall's eyes were full of sympathy as she regarded the damaged teen slumped against the headmaster.

"Albus, how are we going to help him?"

Draco had gone limp and the headmaster realized that exhaustion had claimed him and he was asleep.

"Time, Minerva. Time is what he needs." He shifted the boy in his arms and very slowly lowered him to the bed.

Minerva covered him with the blankets and smoothed back the tousled blond hair.

"Severus is very upset. I haven't told him that Draco has asked that I be his main guardian."

"How did you respond?"

"He was hysterical when he made the request. I told him we'd discuss it again tomorrow when he has calmed."

"He's stubborn, as is Severus. He's going to have to work hard to get through to him that he meant him no harm. The boy is traumatized; he isn't being rational."

They both regarded the blond teen as he lay in an exhausted sleep on the bed.

* * *

_This time he was on a battlefield. It was pitch black and he heard screams and groans around him. He frantically rubbed his eyes, trying to see. He lifted his wand and shouted Lumos over and over again, but nothing happened, nothing but the hair-raising laugh of a voice he recognized. Voldemort. "Poor Harry, no one left to help you, the poor fools all sacrificed themselves for their blind saviour." He laughed again. _

Harry woke up with a sharp cry. A soft hand brushed the hair off his brow.

"Harry dear, it's okay," came Mrs. Weasley's soft voice. "Ron told me what happened, and I ran into Hagrid later. I'm so sorry about Hedwig, but you have to know she had 6 wonderful years with you."

He shook his head. "No, she didn't. All the summers at the Dursleys' she was locked in the cage and I couldn't let her out. She would have been better off with someone else."

"Shhh dear, that simply not true." Her arms wrapped around him tightly.

The tightness in his throat grew as he fought fruitlessly to keep his tears from spilling over. "Why does everyone keep dying on me."

Her eyes filled with tears over the pain in the young wizard's voice.

"I'm still here and so are Ron and Hermione and Ginny. In fact, so are the rest of the Weasley clan. You know that we are from pretty tough stock," she said reassuringly.

"I keep dreaming that you all die," he choked out, fighting desperately to keep from losing it.

"We won't," she said firmly.

"Voldemort, Voldemort showed me a vision," he whispered hoarsely.

Molly's ears perked. This must be one of the things Harry had been hiding. "What did you see?" She asked quietly, hoping he would share the burden.

"One by one everyone was killed, everyone but me. I don't want to do this, I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired, I can't see, and Hedwig just died." He took a heart wrenching breath.

Molly held him tighter. She realized what Professor Dumbledore had said about Harry being traumatized was true.

"You will feel better, Harry, I promise, just give it time. You need to rest," she assured him as she gently stroked his back.

He trembled, his hands tightly gripped the back of her robes. Her heart broke when she felt his tears on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him knowing that nothing she could say right now would ease the pain for him. He cried quietly as his body shook and every so often a heart wrenching sob would escape him.

Ginny stood in the doorway in shock. Just a little while ago Ron had told her what had happened and, despite his warnings that Snape would likely be with him, she snuck to the hospital wing. Seeing Harry break down when he had been so strong through everything that had happened to him was almost too much for her to bear. She longed to be with him, to comfort him, but she had to grudgingly admit that perhaps in this case her mother could help him more. Her heart aching she turned away. With tears welling in her eyes she made her way back to the Gryffindor dorm.

Molly held him for a long time after he had grown silent. He was obviously exhausted. She kissed his forehead. "Severus will cremate Hedwig and you can scatter her ashes wherever you like. Her spirit will always be with you. Sleep now, dear."

He was so tired. He knew he should pull back and lie down, but Mrs. Weasley rubbing his back and whispering reassurances in his ear made his heart hurt a little less. He didn't want to leave the comforting circle of her arms just yet. He closed his eyes for a minute.

As Harry went limp in her arms she realized that he had fallen asleep. She sat for awhile longer holding him, wishing she could take his pain away. Now that her children were almost all grown, they didn't need her so much and she missed being needed. She knew normally Harry didn't need her either. Being an orphan had obviously taught him early on how to be independent, but this terrible slew of traumatic events had shattered his strength temporarily. He needed family, he needed people who loved him to help him heal.

* * *

Snape took the limp body of the owl into his potions lab. He laid her down on a table, unfolding the blanket. He lightly brushed his fingers across the soft feathers. He knew the owl meant a lot to Harry. One by one, everyone the boy cared about died on him. He hadn't needed this to happen, not now when he already had so much to face. He felt tears forming in his eyes then shook his head in disgust over his weakness. His chest felt tight and he found himself sinking onto the chair and putting his hands up over his face. The desolate pain on Harry's face and the terror in Draco's eyes tore at his soul.

"Severus?" came the soft whisper from a voice he recognized as belonging to Tonks.

His head snapped up and he quickly stood up. He tried to glare at her for interrupting his quiet moment.

"Is Draco okay?"

He shook his head. "He was hysterical when he got to Minerva. She's taking care of him."

She looked at him sympathetically. "He needs you, too."

Again Snape shook his head. Tonks made a move towards him but then spotted Hedwig on the table. "Oh Merlin, what happened to Harry's owl?"

"Old age I'm afraid. He's taking it pretty hard."

"Not another loss for him. I don't know how he stays so strong."

"He stays strong because he has to," Snape responded quietly.

She stood back as he went over to Hedwig. His tall black clad form looked so forlorn, as if someone had sucked all the life out of him. Not that he usually oozed life, but at least his cold defensive veneer was there. Now there was nothing. His eyes looked hollow, his movements were mechanical. Normally he stood tall and straight but tonight his shoulders were actually slumped.

"Do you need help?"

He shook his head. "I just have to perform the Concremo spell, then when Harry is ready he can scatter her ashes." He stood there with his wand raised but seemed unable to move.

She frowned then went over beside him. She pulled out her wand, but before saying the spell she gently stroked Hedwig's feathers. "Goodbye, beautiful girl, I'm going to set you free so your spirit can fly once again." Her voice choked on the final words. She took a deep breath then "_Concremo._" In a puff of smoke, Hedwig's body became a small pile of ash.

Snape silently brought over a small box and, with his wand, whisked all that remained of Harry's pet into it.

"Will you be all right?" Tonks asked.

His dark eyes met hers. "I'm fine," he stated.

She nodded. There was an air about him that forbade any contact and she respected it. "Good night, then."

He stared almost transfixed at the small box in his hands as he replied. "Good night."

After putting the box into his desk drawer, he walked to his rooms as if in a trance. As he climbed into bed, Loki came up along the side of his body and lay down half way across his chest purring loudly. Snape pulled him close and buried his face in the soft, black fur. "Don't ever die," he whispered.

* * *

**Next chapter: "Wipe away all of your Tears" part two, Draco finally tells what he experienced. Harry sinks deeper, Ginny, Ron and Hermione try to cheer him. Draco finally has a peaceful sleep. Snape comes undone. **

**A/N #2: please review**


	38. I'll wipe away all of your tearspart 2

**A/N:** _A box of tissues to all who got weepy over my last chapter. Thanks so much for your kind words over the loss of my Nymph, I'm still missing her and the other two a lot._

_My muse also seems to have deserted me, it comes back for little bits every so often but then leaves me again for days on end. Writing has been very frustrating._

_WARNING: Draco's memories of what he thinks happened may make some a little squeamish just rememberwhether the memories are real or not is yet to be seen._

**Thanks all… rosiegirl, twinlady, goldenfireb, jellyfish72, Cheelalaucha, Droxy, DebsTheSnapeFanNow, Melindaleo, Icy Panther, Shadow DarknessDragon, ckat44, baby sweet, Cynthia1850, theLastBLACK17, SirenLore, MattD12027, acacia59601, ER Burner Of Cookies, perfectpureblood, Im SiRiuSly ObSSeSeD** **Catmint, inu-youkai 911, injuredworm, Delaine, Linker27, Serenity Melody, Sari5156, excessively perky, lucidity, WinterNightfall, SBR, Leanne, Sever13, midnightwanderer, Nikelodean, darkcelestial20, Princess of the Saiyans 16, Haunt of Twilight, RavenBeastboy, Kitteh, ADHD, DNA strand, Jen**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal."_

_Huge thank you's to my beta Staporize who is way more on top of things than I am. Thanks:)_

_Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR_

**Chapter 38: I'll wipe away all of your tears (part two) **

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny stormed the hospital wing the following morning.

They found Harry sitting up drinking a potion that Madam Pomfrey had handed him. As soon as he handed the empty glass back to the mediwitch, Hermione hurled herself into his arms. "I'm so sorry about Hedwig." He lightly hugged her back then lay back down.

"You have a fever again, don't you?" she asked, concerned, as the heat radiated off of his body.

"Potter's fever rose again over night. He needs to rest and drink lots of fluids. He shouldn't be having visitors," Pomfrey explained emphatically.

"We just want to stay with him for a little while," Ron pleaded.

"Very well, but not longer than 30 minutes."

Ginny went over to the other side of the bed since Ron and Hermione seemed to be hogging Harry on the one side. She reached down and took his hand into her own. As she sat down in the chair she thought of what she had seen last night. She wanted to reach down and hold him and comfort him, but that would need to wait till the others were gone. She would never let him know that she had seen him crying last night – he would be too embarrassed. Despite the flush of colour on his cheeks, his face was very pale, making his green eyes look stark. Harry's eyes had deep shadows and he looked ill. His hand was limp in hers.

Ron tried to distract Harry's thoughts by discussing the latest Quidditch game. Hermione glared at him with annoyance. She kept trying to steer the conversation to Hedwig, but Harry stayed silent on the topic. Ginny squeezed his hand to let him know she understood.

"Thanks for coming, all of you, but I'm okay, just tired," Harry said, his voice sounding strained and weary.

"Are you sure mate?" Ron asked, looking bewildered.

"Yeah, I just want to get some more sleep."

Hermoine looked at Ginny and then nodded.

"Come on, Ron, you're going to be late for practice. I'll come and watch." She practically hauled the tall, lanky red head out of the wing.

As soon as they left, Harry pulled his hand out of Ginny's.

"Why did you do that?" she immediately asked.

"Because I want to be alone. You should have gone with Ron and 'Mione," he replied, annoyance in his voice.

She sighed irritably. "I know you're hurting over Hedwig's death and I know how frustrated you are by the blindness, but shutting everyone out isn't going to make you feel batter. We need you in our lives and, whether you like it or not, you need us." She paused and added softly, "You aren't alone anymore."

He remained silent. She reached out and lightly stroked back his damp black hair. Then she climbed on the bed and lay down with her head on his chest. "Are you really sure you want us all to leave you alone?"

When his hand came around her waist, she knew she had her answer. He haltingly told her what had happened. His eyes had closed and her heart ached at his pained expression.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," she choked out. "But Hedwig is free now and wherever she is I'm sure she doesn't want to see you in so much pain."

"It won't go away," he said quietly.

She kissed him on the cheek. "It will in time. You know that."

He sighed, thinking of Sirius. She was right: the terrible ache did fade in time, but he was strong then and right now he felt anything but. He turned his head so his cheek rested against the top of her forehead.

It took a few moments for Ginny to realize that he had fallen asleep. Madam Pomfrey came in shortly after to usher her out.

"Can you heal him?" Ginny asked worriedly.

"I'm trying, along with Professor Snape. We have not been able to bring the fever down."

"He seems to have just given up."

"Don't worry, he has lots of skilled people who will try their best. He experienced a shock last night, and now he needs some rest."

* * *

When Harry next awoke, he realized Ginny had left. He then heard Severus' voice. "If the problem isn't physical, how can we heal him?"

Dominic's voice came next: "One solution would be send him to St. Mungo's, but I wouldn't recommend that. The other solution is to try and help him here."

"How?"

"I haven't figured that out yet, but I think Voldemort did something to him." Dominic's voice dropped.

Harry stayed silent. He was glad that Dominic didn't think sending him to St. Mungo's was a good idea.

"How are you feeling this morning?" came Snape's concerned voice.

"Tired."

There was silence on Snape's part until Harry felt him suddenly put something in his hand. It felt light, like a small cardboard box.

"What is this?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"Hedwig's ashes. You can hang on to them if you like until you are ready to distribute them. Or if you would prefer I will hang onto them for you."

Harry swallowed uncomfortably. "I'll keep them," he said quietly.

Snape sat on the chair by Harry's bed.

"I'm all right," Harry stated.

Snape snorted. "You have to defeat the Dark Lord, you are blind, you have a fever, and you just lost your pet. You are anything but all right, Potter!"

Harry didn't respond.

"Come on, you need to get up and walk around a little."

He shook his head. "Too tired."

Snape looked at Harry; he wasn't about to let him sink into a deep depression. He got up and grabbed Harry's arm, pulling him into an upright position.

"Get off me," the younger wizard protested.

"I'll help you. Come on, get up," the Potions Master insisted.

Wearily Harry got to his feet, a resentful look on his face. He immediately stumbled and would have fallen if Snape wasn't holding him up.

"Are you feeling dizzy?" he asked, concerned.

"Yes," hissed Harry.

Snape was worried; the boy's condition was getting worse. In addition, his lethargy seemed to be growing. He made Harry walk to the bathroom and, despite his protests, put him into the shower again, making him hold onto the stall's doors.

The cold water rushing over him made him gasp and shiver. When it was over, Snape handed him a towel. The dizziness had passed and he was able to dry himself off and get into the fresh pajamas that Snape handed him. He guided him back into his bed where Harry turned over onto his side facing away from him.

Snape sat in the chair for a long time wondering how he could best help him as well as Draco.

* * *

Draco awoke the next morning feeling so miserable he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up.

Professor McGonagall came over and sat down beside him. "Are you feeling a little better this morning?"

"No." He sulked.

"Professor Snape was here last night. He was very worried about you," she told him quietly.

The gray eyes widened in alarm as he got out of bed. "I don't want to see him." His voice sounded breathless.

"Calm down or I'll have to call the headmaster again. You are going to have to talk to him…"

He cut her off. "You said you would be my main guardian! I won't go back to him, I…"

"DRACO! Sit down and calm down," she said sternly. "I said we would discuss this when you weren't hysterical, but you are well on your way again."

He glared at her resentfully but sat down on the edge of the bed, gulping in air.

She sat down across from him. "I know you are upset, you have made that very obvious. If you truly want me as your main guardian, I can make that a possibility, but I want you to think about how much Professor Snape – Severus – cares about you."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she lifted her hand to hush him. "He told me what had happened and he realizes he didn't think how it would affect you. He was very worried about you and that is why he had the healer examine you. No matter how angry, upset, and hurt you are right now, you know deep inside that he loves you."

Draco shook his head. "He forced me..."

"He forced you to be checked over by a healer," she said gently.

Draco swallowed heavily and stared at the wall.

"Please think about this very carefully. Before I were to take action to become your main guardian, I would insist that you and Severus have a talk. I will be there if you like."

He didn't respond. His heart dropped at the prospect of talking to Severus. He didn't want to see him or talk to him. He felt betrayed.

McGonagall brought him the plate of food she had ordered from the kitchens. She set it, along with a glass of juice, on the nightstand. She put her hand briefly on his shoulder.

"It will be okay, I promise."

He ignored her. When she left the room, he glanced at the food, shivered, and climbed back under the covers. There was no way he would talk to Severus or anyone for that matter. He would find a way to avoid doing that.

* * *

"Severus, I sat with Harry for a while last night. He awoke from a nightmare and told me something new that happened during the capture."

Snape immediately focused his attention on Molly. He had just finished arguing with Minerva, who had told him to stay away from Draco for now as the boy was still too traumatized to see him.

"Is it something that could be causing this fever?"

"I don't know." She revealed to him the Dark Lord's vision.

"He's implanted these fears into Harry's subconscious," Snape said, frowning. "Perhaps that's why he's so convinced he'll fail."

Molly nodded, her eyes filled with worry.

After having a talk with Dominic and telling him what Molly had told him, he checked on Harry again. The young wizard was asleep again and the food Dobby had brought him was untouched.

* * *

Snape then looked all over the castle for Draco, but he was no where to be found. He realized his ward was likely hiding out in Minerva's rooms. He felt terrible and he wanted to talk to Draco to apologize and reassure him. Frustrated, he decided to head to his lab to once again work on a potion for Potter.

He walked in and stopped in shock. Draco stood there frozen, his eyes wide. He was holding a vial up and was about to uncork it.

"Put that down," Snape demanded, his heart hammering uncomfortably. Merlin, the boy wasn't about to do himself in, was he?

Draco trembled but defiance shone from his eyes. He uncorked the vial and lifted it to his mouth. Snape was across the room in seconds. He attempted to grab the vial, but Draco struggled against him, causing them both to end up on the floor. Kicking and shouting, the blond twisted as Snape again tried to grab the vial. Possessed by a wild panic, Draco managed to bite the hand trying to take the vial.

"Stop it!" Snape growled and cursed. Having no other choice, he pulled his ward's arms up over his head and held him there effectively dislodging the mysterious potion. Draco stopped squirming and lay frozen, his breath laboured. When he attempted once again to get away, Snape tightened his hold, causing him to cry out in pain.

"I'll let you go, but you need to calm down. I would never hurt you, you know that," Snape said calmly.

Coughing and gasping for air, Draco tried to pull himself out of the tight grip.

His tired mind blurred and he thought he was back in the Dark Lord's grip. He gasped and struggled against the pain.

Snape let go of him quickly when he realized that the boy seemed to be hallucinating. The blond shrank back against the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees. The Potions Master sat down in front of him, hating that Draco cringed away even further.

He picked up what remained of the shattered vial and sniffed the contents. He realized that it was a powerful sleeping draught that would knock out the taker for days. "Talk to me, Draco," he said quietly, sympathetically.

Draco shook his head, unable to speak.

"Fine, then I will talk," Snape said gently. "When, when I had Dominic, the healer from St. Mungo's, examine you, it was because I was very worried about you. I don't know what it will take to get through your thick skull how much I care about and worry about you." He paused and continued with his voice sounding hoarse. "Just now when I saw you with the vial I thought, I thought perhaps you were taking something that could do you harm. I overreacted. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you more."

Draco looked up at him then, his eyes shining unearthly silver in the candlelight.

Snape whispered, barely coherent, his voice choked, "Don't you realize the thought of what was possibly done to you, I, I made a promise to you last year, to protect you. I'm so sorry I failed, I didn't find you in time."

Draco shuddered. He made a couple of inarticulate noises but couldn't seem to form words.

"It's okay, there is no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. None of this was your fault."

Draco finally found his voice. "Can I go now?" he asked plaintively.

"I wish you wouldn't, I wish you would talk to me, I wish you would trust me again,"

His words were enough to start to set Draco off. He had tried so hard not to lose it since it had happened, but now harsh sobs were aching in his throat. He looked away trying to gain control again.

"Draco, please tell me what happened," Snape tried again. Then added, "In everything but blood you are my son. I have loved you since you were little. Do you realize how much it hurts to see you cringe away from me? Tell me how I can gain your trust again, I'll do whatever it takes."

His last sentence spoken so earnestly broke the wall inside of Draco and tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry," he choked out through a hiccupping breath as he started to unravel. His throat closed, he bit his lip hard to try to gain back some measure of control, but to his shame, he burst into tears.

When the blond started convulsing with the sobs he had repressed since being attacked, Snape reached out softly and enveloped him, offering him comfort. Draco didn't fight when Snape pulled him into a hug. He clung to his guardian's robes and buried his face against his shoulder. He wound his shaking arms tightly around Snape's neck. He cried softly, quiet sobs and sniffles muffled by Snape's black robe.

Snape's heart twisted. "Tell me how it happened. Let me help you," he whispered.

Draco's tear-stained face came up to look at him, and seeing tears in the dark eyes of his guardian made him bite his lip so hard it bled. After a few moments, he finally, in a broken, barely audible voice, started talking. "My father tied me to a tree, then he took my clothes off. I thought he would cane me or whip me and let the Dark Lord or the Death Eaters watch like he did that time when I was little." He took a gulping breath. "He kept saying he would break me and then he told me the Dark Lord likes young blond boys," he explained brokenly between sobs.

Snape felt his stomach turn and he inhaled sharply in attempt to control the rising nausea.

"Then he Stupefied me and the Dark Lord touched me, …he hurt me. His hands were so cold, his breath so bad and, and then… then it hurt so much…my father let him, He didn't protect me and, and the Dark Lord, touched me, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything to stop him, he, he, it felt like he ripped me open…" The horror of the memory of the agony he had felt flared. Tears got past his tightly shut eyes. He pressed his face against Snape's chest.

The lump in Snape's throat was so huge it prevented him from offering any words of comfort all he could do was hold the crying younger wizard close.

Draco haltingly continued, "It hurt so bad, it still does. No matter how many pain potions I take, it never goes away or lessens." He rested exhaustedly against Snape's chest after sharing the nightmare.

Snape finally found his voice. "I'm so sorry I didn't stop this from happening." He kissed the top of the blond head. Draco inhaled weakly, unable to stop the tears from continuing their steady stream down his cheeks. As he trembled in the aftermath of his revelation, he clung to Snape's robes, drawing comfort from the safe human contact his guardian offered.

Eventually Draco used up what little strength he had left. He felt cold and empty and went limp in the strong parental arms he was enveloped in. He fell asleep, comforted by the strength and compassion of one who loved him.

Snape gently wiped away the tears on his ward's face while doing nothing to stop his own. He dropped his head down on Draco's and just let the tears flow into the blond hair.

Tonks' heart stopped when she entered the potions lab. On the floor, leaning back against the desk was Snape. Draco was sprawled across his chest with his face buried in his guardian's robes. Snape's hair hung down like a curtain, hiding his face and mingling with the blond strands of the boy's. She moved closer and suddenly Snape looked up, startled.

Her breath caught in her throat. She had never seen him look so tortured, so tormented, and so desolate.

She knelt down. "What happened."

Snape swallowed and his voice sounded hoarse when he said, "He told me what happened; it was like you thought."

She knelt down beside them and softly put her hand on her cousin's back.

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know. He's exhausted, traumatized, he fell asleep."

"Do you want me to help you get him into bed?"

"I don't want to let him go. I need for him to feel safe with me," Snape choked out.

Tonks nodded. "Why don't I at least transfigure a bed for you and then levitate you both onto it?"

Snape gave a quick nod, his dark eyes looking grateful.

When she had them both on the bed, she gently pulled a blanket up around Draco.

"I'm so glad he told you. It's a big step for him, he can start healing now."

Snape closed his eyes for a moment. "I hope so," he whispered.

* * *

**Chapter 39: "I can't wake up." Draco and Harry sink deeper under a dark influence. Harry experiences fever induced hallucinations, Draco is chilled and frozen. Snape makes a decision that concerns both boys and gains Dumbledore's support. Draco receives an unwelcome visitor. Harry pushes away someone he needs.**

**A/N#2:** _Reviews are like chocolate…please feed author chocolate._


	39. I can't wake up

**A/N:** _Sorry everyone; my muse is missing and I'm having an awful time writing._

_Welcome new readers (virtual eyedrops to you) Absintheaddict, & Lindseyiswicked_

Thanks all… **samie-j0****, rosiegirl, Droxy,** **Ktoddhim****, DebsTheSnapeFanNow, spiritualwitch, DNA strand, Melindaleo, Daanan, Delaine, SBR, LyonsRoar, Sever13, inu-youkai 911, anonymous, Linker27, Chance, midnightwanderer, darkcelestial20, Sari5156, Leanne, lucidity, baby sweet, alleycatabra, Ravennbeastboy, cj, supernova8610, padfoot, Kristin, ADHD, Catmint, Absintheaddict, Lindseyiswicked**

Special note to ckatt-thanks so much for sharing how you feel about Solstice; I'm so sorry about your dad. I'm glad Harry's feelings over the loss of Sirius touched you…some of the feelings and emotions I write about come from first hand experience –you aren't alone in feeling that way.

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring me to Life"_

_Big THANKS to my beta Staporize!_

_Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR_

**Chapter 39: I Can't Wake Up **

Draco awoke the next morning and felt a hand on his back. Startled, he jumped up and scrambled backwards, landing hard on the floor.

"Draco! What's wrong, what happened? Did you have a bad dream?" asked Snape quickly, leaping off the bed to kneel beside him.

With his heart beating rapidly, Draco could do nothing but stare at Snape. The events from the night before came flooding back. He was mortified. Not only had he told Snape what had happened to him, but apparently had cried himself to sleep on his guardian as well.

He flushed fiercely and broke eye contact.

"Come on, back up on the bed with you," Snape said gently as he reached out to the shivering teen.

Draco got to his feet and sat on the bed. He wished last night had never happened. He couldn't believe that he had told.

"Everything is going to be all right. With your permission, I would like Madam Pomfrey to examine you…"

Draco looked up alarmed and opened his mouth to protest, but Snape held up his hand to shush him.

"You told me that you are still in pain. We need to deal with that so the injuries you sustained can be healed."

Draco narrowed his eyes resentfully.

"It will be all right; I promise you we will get through this together." Snape put his hand on his ward's shoulder.

Draco swallowed heavily and shivered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Snape asked softly.

Draco cleared his throat. "I thought, I thought you'd go after him and get yourself killed." His voice sounded hoarse.

The Potions Master's heart wrenched. He sat down beside him and lightly placed his arm around Draco's shoulders. He could feel the blond tense, so he patted his back gently and then removed his arm.

"As much as I would like to kill the Dark Lord for this, I know I wouldn't have a chance. He has grown too powerful."

"So Potter is the only one who can do it?" Draco asked, resigned.

"Yes, but he's not in any condition to do so at the moment."

"He still can't see?" the teen asked quietly.

"No, he cannot. Also, his owl just died and he has gotten a strange fever we can't seem to break."

The gray eyes widened and Snape could see the fear in their depths.

"I don't ever want to be near the Dark Lord again. I'll kill myself before he gets near me again!"

"Shhhh." Snape worried as Draco's voice escalated in panic. "Deep breaths, Draco. You are safe here, and as long as you don't wander out of Hogwarts again…"

"It was my fault!" Draco interrupted. "I know it was, if I hadn't run and Potter hadn't followed me, he wouldn't be blind and I wouldn't have been …"

He stopped abruptly, his lip bleeding after he once again bit down on it.

"It was your father and the Dark Lord's fault," Snape voiced emphatically as he put his hands down on the boy's shoulder. "And I will do everything in my power to ensure that neither of them ever get near you again."

"I don't feel well," Draco whispered as a chill shook his body.

Frowning, Snape coaxed him to stand and guided him over to the floo.

"Not the hospital wing!" the teen shouted as he attempted to get out of Snape's grasp.

"Stop it. I'm taking you back to my rooms so you can get some more sleep and later Pomfrey will examine you so we can make you well."

Resigned, the blond stopped struggling and let his guardian lead the way.

* * *

"_Don't kill Harry, please kill me instead" pleaded a woman's voice he recognized as his mother's. _

"_Step aside," Voldemort demanded._

"_No," came the woman's voice again, then a scream.._

_Harry then saw a flash of green and heard a soft thud on the ground._

_There was silence for a moment, then the words: "Kill the spare."_

_Cedric fell dead, his eyes wide open._

"_No," Harry whimpered, his breathing escalating._

_He watched reluctantly as Sirius once again fell through the veil._

_A scream resounded in his head. He gasped and turned to see Ginny writhing on the ground in front of him. Voldemort stood over her, his wand out, a twisted smile on his hideous face. He ended the Cruciatus Curse and turned to Harry in triumph. Harry couldn't move, couldn't breathe. "You can't stop me, I have won. I will kill each one of them, Harry, and then when I have deemed you have suffered enough, I will kill you." He turned back to Ginny and once again cursed her, holding her under it for so long until she no longer screamed. A blank vacant look cloaked her dark eyes._

Harry screamed, "STOP!"

"Harry, calm down," came a soft voice.

A hand gently came down on his shoulder and he wrenched away flailing wildly. "Stop, just stop it, they're just your vision, it won't happen that way, it won't! I WON"T LET IT!" Harry screamed again.

His shoulders were suddenly grabbed hard. "Shhh, you are hallucinating from the fever, it's not real. You're here in the hospital wing, you are safe, everyone you care about is safe."

Harry gulped. He recognized Dumbledore's voice. His heart was beating so hard he thought it would leap out of his chest.

When he felt the black-haired youth relax a little, he let go of him and brought one hand up to rest lightly on the disheveled hair

"Professor Weasley told me of the vision Lord Voldemort showed you. He is playing on your subconscious to attempt to weaken you. I had a lengthy discussion with Dominic, and he believes both you and Draco were severely traumatized. These events have led to something Muggles refer to as post traumatic stress disorder. You are both suffering from a myriad of symptoms."

Harry sighed heavily. "How do we heal from it?"

"It will take time and you both need to talk about what happened until you can deal with the events."

Talking about the events of the capture wasn't something Harry wanted to do. Instead, he shifted the focus. "How is Draco?"

Dumbledore smiled wryly, knowing Harry was diverting attention away from himself. "I have been informed that Draco confided in Severus last night."

Harry nodded. "Good, I'm glad he did that."

Dumbledore swelled with pride. The young wizard's compassion never ceased to amaze him. He held a glass of water up to his mouth. "Take a drink; it's nice and cold."

Harry took the glass offered and drank the cold liquid. He still felt hot and miserable. When Dumbledore took the empty glass, he lay back down.

"Wouldn't you like to get up and move around a little?" the headmaster coaxed.

"No," he responded and closed his eyes.

Dumbledore sat regarding him sadly. Something or someone would have to knock Harry out of this lethargy.

An hour after the headmaster left, Harry heard footsteps entering the hospital wing. He recognized them instantly.

"Ginny, what are you doing here?"

"Isn't it rather obvious? I'm here because I care about you."

"I don't want company," he replied irritably.

Her anger rose. "Stop being such a prat. You're getting to be as annoying as Malfoy!"

He snorted. "Go hang around him, then. I'm sure he'll appreciate being fawned over!"

He gasped as suddenly his face stung from Ginny's slap. She didn't say another word but he heard her steps angrily leaving the hospital wing.

His hand reached up to rub his tingling cheek. Bile rose in his throat as the image of Ginny with a vacant stare swam before his eyes again. He brought his other hand up over his face. What had he done? He cared about Ginny; she had been wonderful to him and he had just pushed her away. She was obviously angry with him now, perhaps angry enough to start dating some other bloke. It was for the best he tried to convince himself. He lay down again, closing his eyes tightly.

* * *

After Draco was soundly asleep, Snape contacted Lupin, Molly, and Minerva through the Floo Network and told them to meet him in Dumbledore's office.

Once they were all seated, he filled them in on the events of the day before.

"It think both Harry and Draco need a break from Hogwarts. Since reading week is almost upon us, I would like to take the both of them to the chalet. It will allow Harry a chance to scatter his owl's ashes if he so chooses and hopefully give Draco some time to come to terms with what happen and to heal."

"Absolutely not! Harry needs to be with his family! He is vulnerable and have you forgotten about the fever?" Molly said shrilly.

"Now Molly, I'm sure Severus has all that in mind. He is, after all, the best Potions Master we know and he can help both boys with what they need."

"My past with Potter may not have been warm and fuzzy, but I care about the boy."

Molly snorted. "I won't have you bullying him and neglecting him!"

Snape sneered. "How can I possibly both bully and neglect him at the same time?"

"Severus!" Dumbledore chided. "Molly is only concerned."

"I, too, am concerned. Severus, do you really think you can help both boys? Their situation seems to call for individual attention," Lupin spoke up softly. "I am very worried about Harry; he is sinking into a deep depression."

"I am well aware of his sorry state of mind," Snape said snidely. "I believe that Draco and Harry can help each other. They depended on each other during the capture."

"I think you may be a bit overly optimistic. I agree with Molly. I think they both need to stay here," Lupin added, ignoring Snape's tone.

"I understand how both you and Molly feel, but I think Severus may be on to something. The worst of the problems started during the capture. By isolating the boys with a responsible adult, it might just be the catharthis needed to help them both start to heal," McGonagall volunteered.

Snape sneered smugly.

Dumbledore nodded. "It is decided then. Molly, Remus, rest assured Severus will take care of both of them, and …" He raised his eyebrows peering over the rim of his glasses at Snape. "I'm sure if there are any problems, he will immediately floo for help."

Snape nodded quickly. "We'll leave tomorrow morning."

He left Dumbledore's office, ignoring the furious look Molly shot at him.

He returned to his room, checked on Draco again, and then fixed himself a hot cup of tea. Loki had just climbed into his lap when a knock came on the door.

Annoyed, he stood. Likely Molly Weasley coming to chew him out for taking her precious Harry away. He opened the door. "What are you doing here?" he asked sternly.

"I have a right to be here," she answered coldly.

"You gave up your right," he sneered.

"I will always be his mother," she replied haughtily.

He snorted. "Most animals make better mothers than you. They protect their young."

"Severus, I was never meant to be a mother. However, when I signed those papers it was under the condition that I be informed of his wellbeing. I am grateful to you for keeping me informed. Despite what you think, I was horrified to receive your owl today."

"Why are you here?" Snape asked the blonde woman suspiciously.

"I want to see him."

"Absolutely not!"

"Please, Severus.'

"You selfish woman! Do you not realize how traumatized he is! Just because you may want to assuage some latent guilt does not give you the right to upset him further," spat Snape.

"I will not upset him. I promise you."

He stared at her for a long moment, then went reluctantly to Draco's room. He gently shook him awake and brushed the blond strands from his forehead.

Narcissa had followed him in.

Draco's eyes grew wide as he viewed his mother. Then he asked hoarsely, "What are you doing here?" He sat up wearily, leaning against the headrest.

He shivered and Snape immediately pulled the thick comforter up around him.

She looked at Snape. "Can I please have a few moments alone with him?"

He shook his head, but Draco spoke up. "I'll be okay."

"Fine, but call me if you need me." He threw one more disgusted look at Narcissa before exiting.

"Severus informed me about what happened to you. You may not know this, but before I signed the papers I insisted on being kept up to date on your life."

"Why bother? It's not like you ever cared before," Draco replied snidely.

"I won't deny it, I've been a terrible mother to you and I have no desire to be a mother. But Draco, I've had a lot of time to think with your father first being locked up and then on the run. I made a lot of mistakes. Even though I didn't want children, it does nothing to change the fact that you are my son. What was done to you has shocked me."

Draco felt sick. His life was so pathetic that even his mother now pitied him.

"Get out!"

"Draco, I can understand that…"

"Get out! It's too late. I don't need or want you in my life. I hate you!"

"But I don't hate you," she said softly. She got up and stiffly walked out of the room.

She threw one glance at Snape before she left. "Take care of him."

He nodded curtly.

As soon as she left, he walked into Draco's room. His ward was once again huddled under the covers. "I'm fine and I'd rather forget these last few moments ever happened."

Forcing him to talk was out of the question so, resigned, Snape left him alone to sleep again.

"Harry, are you feeling any better?" Lupin asked.

Harry sighed. He wished everyone would just stop asking the same thing over and over again. "No."

"You must get tired of hearing that," Lupin said with a soft smile.

"Yeah," he admitted.

"Look, I just came by to tell you that Snape is planning on taking you and Draco up to the chalet. He thinks he'll be able to help you both somehow."

"Has he brewed a potion to help me see again?"

Lupin didn't quite know how to answer that. Snape didn't reveal exactly what he had in mind.

"I doubt it," he said sympathetically.

The teen didn't respond.

"If you want to leave, floo me and I'll come and get you, I promise."

He nodded. It didn't matter to him where he was.

"Remus, I didn't know you were here. I just came by to see Harry," Molly stated.

"I was actually just going to leave. I'll see you soon, Harry, and remember what I said," Lupin said quietly.

As Lupin walked out, Molly sat down. She frowned at the dark haired wizard's flushed features.

"Harry dear, how are you feeling?"

His teeth clenched. He knew Mrs. Weasley meant well, but honestly he looked forward to being away from all those who meant well. Draco and Snape could both be gits, but at least they wouldn't smother him.

He chatted with Mrs. Weasley for a few moments and ate a few bites of the sandwich on his night table to satisfy her. Her voice grew teary and she dropped a kiss on his forehead. "Take care of yourself, Harry."

"It's all right, Mrs. Weasley, I'm not leaving forever. I'll be back before you know it."

The only sound he heard was a sniffle. She patted his arm and left the wing.

He sighed wearily and turned over, trying to fall asleep again.

* * *

An hour later a knock came at the door. He quietly opened the door to find Dominic there. He went out into the hallway and closed the door softly behind him.

"I have the results."

Snape sighed heavily. "I already know what happened. Draco told me everything yesterday."

Dominic frowned. "He told you that he wasn't assaulted?"

Snape's eyes grew wide. "What!" he snapped.

"Draco's tests came back as negative. There is no damage and no trace of any penetration."

"The test is wrong," Snape stated curtly while glaring at the healer.

"The test is 100 accurate. Severus, I'm afraid this means that Draco's trauma is emotionally or mentally induced."

"He did not make this up. You didn't see him last night. He was hysterical and he was in pain. What happened to him was real!"

The healer's eyes contained pity. "I'm sorry, I know how much you care about the boy, but the facts are in and he was not raped." He spoke the last sentence gently. "If you would like me to talk to him, I will do so, but I believe the news would be better coming from you. He is in a fragile place and this news will not be easy for him to understand."

Snape's eyes narrowed at him. "I am his guardian and I will decide to how to handle this." His voice was dismissive.

Dominic stared at the Potions Master for a long moment then nodded and walked away.

Fear gripped Snape's heart. He knew Draco wasn't making it up and that he believed everything had happened to him, yet the evidence wasn't there. What was wrong with his ward? Was it possible that the boy was so traumatized by Lucius' near fatal beating that he imagined being violated? Yet when he performed Legilimency on him, he had seen the images of what Draco had felt; he couldn't have just imagined it? He checked on Draco again and, realizing the boy was in a deep sleep, he left his room and knocked on Tonks' door.

"Severus, how is Draco this morning?"

"Embarrassed, confused, upset. He regrets having told me."

"He'll come to realize that telling you was the best thing he did."

"The test results came back. There is no sign of penetration, of any damage. He wasn't assaulted."

Tonks' dark eyes grew wide. "That's impossible."

"Apparently not. The healer from St. Mungo's thinks it's mental."

"My cousin is not crazy," Tonks snapped.

"Is it possible that this is a trauma induced hallucination?" Snape pondered aloud.

"I suppose it is possible, but to come up with something like this? I can't imagine that it would be likely." Tonks sat in front of fire looking shocked. "Unless he was abused this way in the past."

"NO!" Snape growled. "Lucius would never have done that, not after…." He suddenly froze.

Tonks frowned. "Not after what?"

"Oh Merlin," Snape said, putting his head in his hands.

"What? What happened? Did he or didn't he?"

"NO, I'm sure Lucius never laid a hand on him that way but…"

"I'm going to hex you if keep stopping in mid sentence!" She stamped her foot in annoyance.

He looked up at her. "I'm sorry, I have to go." He hurried out the door.

* * *

**Chapter 40: "Fight away all of your fears" Snape and Dumbledore have a major row. Snape goes to Tonks to lick his wounds. The three head out to the chalet. Draco does not handle the news well. Just when things seem hopeless, something happens and Harry starts seeing some improvement **

Please review and nudge the sluggish muse.


	40. Fight away all of your Fears

**A/N:** He's starting to come back, my muse that is! Thanks all! Especially since fan fiction review board was down when I posted the last chapter– I felt cursed and thought I wouldn't get any reviews. Thanks to those of you who sent me emails when you couldn't review, I only listed the fan fic reviews below but you all know who you are. Many thanks. I recently saw GOF and it really seemed to have sparked my muse. Loved the graveyard and after scenes – my heart just went out to Harry. And it was just a second but did you all notice how Lucius whacked Draco with his cane? Hmmm I thought that was interesting consider JKR doesn't have any of that.

This will likely be my last chapter before Christmas because I really really really want to write 2 or possibly 3 Christmas one shots again like I did last year. All will be post HBP---now won't that just be a challenge for my muse in dealing with Snape-lol. I've pretty well decided what I will do…it won't be romance this time but I'm curious who you would like to see Draco, Harry, and Snape spend Christmas with?

_Welcome new readers (virtual eyedrops to you) _Black Mirror, Nanashi Kage Enjeru, hessian, AmunRa02

Thanks all…** rosiegirl, supernova8610, Leanne, Dark Hiei, SBR, Kittels, Sari5156, darkcelestial20, Rotem, Ravennbeastboy, swiffer, Arafel2, Serenity Melody, lucidity, Droxy, baby sweet, Catmint, Sever13, Nanashi Kage Enjeru, tammy zabini, Staporize, padfoot, inu-youkai 911, zyke, Black Mirror, Freakstar, 22127, Nikelodeon, missy, Vampire Queen, excessivelyperky, hessian, anna, samie-j0, severa-lilia, AmunRa02, Bouncerok**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal"_

_Big thanks to my beta Staporize! _

_Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR_

**Chapter 40: Fight away all of your Fears **

After muttering the password, Snape stormed up and into the headmaster's office.

"It is _YOUR_ fault!" he snarled at the startled old wizard.

Dumbledore had been reading some documents from the Ministry when the Potions Master had burst in.

"Severus? Did something happen with Harry or Draco?"

"What happened to Draco was your fault!" Snape spat. His furious dark eyes blazed with anguish.

The headmaster raised his eyebrows. "My dear boy, I had nothing to do with Draco's condition, you know…."

Snape cut him off though his voice trembled. "Tests have proven he wasn't raped."

"That's excellent news then, isn't it?" Dumbledore added calmly.

"Not when he firmly believes he was. Remember I performed Legilimency on him. In his mind the violation happened!"

The headmaster frowned. "If you'd be so kind, how is this my fault?"

Snape explained hoarsely, his voice tight with anger, "I've been agonizing over what could have happened to him. I know he is not mentally unbalanced. He truly believes this happened. The only thing powerful enough to induce a belief that something so vile happened is a very potent Dark Arts memory curse. For it to be so powerful, the one who cast it would have had to use his own memory!"

"Lord Voldemort?"

Snape cringed visibly but spat, "Lucius!"

"Calm yourself, Severus. I don't understand this scenario."

"Of course not. You were always more concerned with your beloved Gryffindors to pay any attention what terrible things happened to the other students in your care – especially the Slytherins!"

A glint of annoyance sparkled in the headmaster's light blue eyes. "That's not true!"

"Of course it is. When Lupin as a werewolf he almost killed me. Black and Potter should have been expelled. If a Slytherin had done the same thing, he most certainly would have been!"

Dumbledore took a deep breath. "When Draco and the Slytherins pretended to be Dementors, they endangered the entire school and yet none of them were expelled. I understand that you are upset, but you are being very unreasonable."

Snape didn't respond. He was too blinded by a surge of anger combined with a sense of helplessness to listen to anything the headmaster had to say. He took a deep breath.

"Right under your nose, Lucius was raped by the Dark Lord. He was barely 17, he returned battered and bloodied one night - in shock. He missed classes, his grades dropped, but no one not once noticed – not our Head of House and especially not you. Or perhaps you did, but it didn't matter to you; Lucius wasn't a Gryffindor after all!"

The headmaster stayed silent for a moment, then asked, "Why didn't he come to me?"

Snape gave a harsh laugh. "Because he knew you wouldn't do anything. After he recovered from the trauma somewhat, the Dark Lord convinced him that it was an honour being chosen that way, a privilege."

Dumbledore sat quietly; he looked disturbed.

Snape continued, "Apparently beating Draco wasn't enough. Lucius, in desperation, offered him to the Dark Lord. When that didn't work, he inflicted his memory of that first night on Draco as a means of traumatizing him, weakening him, controlling him!"

The headmaster shook his head, his eyes looked troubled. "When this terrible thing happened, did you take Lucius to the hospital wing?"

"He refused to go, became hysterical at the mere thought as a matter of fact. Unlike Draco, Lucius had no adult to confide in. His fascination with the Dark Arts and lure of being special to someone powerful was irresistible. Draco may find killing distasteful, but Lucius did not."

"We have hundreds of students and I do my best to watch over all and to keep them safe. If I had known…"

"You failed Lucius! ADMIT IT! For once just admit that Slytherins never mattered to you!"

"Severus, you were Slytherin," the headmaster reminded him.

Snape's throat tightened and he looked away.

After collecting himself, Snape continued tersely, "Because of you, Draco has gone through hell and continues to because it will be next to impossible to break this curse."

"I will continue to help him in any way I can, but I will not take blame for what happened to Lucius and his subsequent actions, every…"

"Of course not. I didn't expect you to." Snape's black eyes glared coldly. Abruptly he turned and headed out of the door.

"Severus, Severus!" The headmaster raised his voice powerfully.

Snape hurried down to the dungeons, then stood in front of the door to his rooms. His heart pounded painfully. He had just verbally attacked the one man in this world that he respected and trusted. He turned and hesitantly walked towards Tonks' rooms. Again he stopped. He stared at the door. He never shared his problems, but this time he didn't want to be alone.

He jumped startled when the door suddenly opened. She stood there staring at him. "Wotcher Severus? I thought I heard a strange noise. What happened before? Why did you run out like you did?"

"I, I." He stood there awkwardly, his dark eyes never leaving hers.

"Oh, I'm sorry come on in." She beckoned him inside.

He entered, sat down, and morosely stared into the fireplace.

"Earth to Severus?"

The black eyes looked up at her.

"How's Draco? Have you told him yet?" she asked.

He looked away again shaking his head. She watched him for a moment. This dark, mysterious, bitter man who, on occasion, tugged fiercely on her heart strings. He hid so much inside. "Why are you here?" she asked point blank.

"I said some terrible things to the headmaster," he stated suddenly.

She frowned. "Why would you do that?"

"I blame him for what happened to Draco."

Tonks' eyebrows rose. "How could you possibly blame him? You aren't making any sense."

"I think Lucius, with the help of a powerful dark curse, placed his memory onto Draco."

"But that would mean that Lucius had been – OH! Voldemort?"

Snape cringed at her use of the Dark Lord's name. "Yes, and it happened while we were in school. Professor Dumbledore was the headmaster, but he was too busy pampering Gryffindors to pay any attention to Slytherins!"

"Severus, I don't believe that. You and Draco are Slytherins and the headmaster cares about you both very much."

"He didn't always care! James Potter and Sirius Black almost killed me! They tricked me into going to Lupin when he had transformed! They should have been expelled!" he spat.

"How did you get away?" she asked, horrified.

"Potter got worried he'd get thrown into Azkaban."

"And? He saved you?"

He gave a curt nod.

"Well that's likely why he wasn't expelled."

The Potions Master snorted bitterly.

She sat down beside him. "So you blamed Professor Dumbledore for what Lucius may have done to Draco? That's rather ridiculous," she stated.

"If he had cared more about all of his students, he might have been able to help Lucius and then none of this would have happened," Snape said desperately.

Tonks' tone softened. "Do you really think Lucius would have become a decent human being just because the headmaster paid extra attention to him?"

He glared at her.

"Look at you – the headmaster is obviously very fond of you and redeemed you after what you did as a Death Eater. Yet you are still cruel and surly at the best of times. I can't see Lucius as having an epiphany with a bit of attention. Besides, you've made mistakes with Draco just as the headmaster perhaps made his share of mistakes in the past. That doesn't mean you or he should be blamed forever for those mistakes, especially if they aren't repeated."

He looked away again. His face was drawn and she realized that he was already regretting his actions. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"Severus."

He looked at her and she realized with a jolt that his eyes held fear. "He cares about you. I promise he isn't going to hold what you said against you."

He stared at the flames again. "I've always been angry at him for siding with the Gryffindors. I suppose it has been bottled up inside of me for years." He laughed bitterly. "Well, it's out now."

She slid her arm across his shoulders. "It will be okay."

He glanced at her again; his eyes softened a little.

"Why did you come to me?"

He looked at the flames again and cleared his throat. "I'm not really sure."

She rubbed his back. "Whatever the reason, I'm glad you did."

He took a deep breath, his voice low and silky. "Thank you."

She grinned. "For what?"

"Listening."

"Anytime." Her hand came to the side of his face brushing back the black strands and gently stroking his cheek.

He looked at her intently then turned his head slightly and very gently kissed her hand. She smiled at him sweetly. He leaned forward hesitantly then softly kissed her. He pulled back quickly as if almost expecting her to withdraw. "I better go as I plan on heading out with them both. Once we're at the chalet, I will have to find a way to break the test results to Draco."

"Good luck. Just make sure you let him know how much you care about him. And take care of Harry – he needs just as much support."

He nodded and looked at her one more time, his eyes unreadable.

He went back to his room to find Draco wrapped in blankets in front of the fire catching up on homework.

He looked up alarmed and peered behind Snape. "Did you bring Pomfrey with you?"

"No, I changed my mind. I'm going to focus on helping you personally."

He responded gratefully, "Thanks. I didn't fancy being poked and prodded again."

"How would you feel about leaving here for a week and going to the chalet we spent the holidays in?"

Draco's eyes lit up. "Just us?"

"And Harry."

Draco remained silent for a moment, then nodded.

"I think it would do you both good to get away from Hogwarts, to gain a different perspective."

"It would be nice to get away from all this riff raff." The blond sneered.

"Draco!" Snape chided.

The blond teen smirked lightly. The sight of it made Snape's heart lift. The boy was starting to become himself again.

"Pack what you need. I'm going to go and get Harry ready."

* * *

"Potter? What are you doing?"

The dark haired wizard was standing beside his bed trying to open a suitcase. "Ron and Hermione packed me some clothes. I just wanted to open it so I could put Hedwig inside."

"So you know about the chalet?" Snape asked softly.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley and Remus told me."

"How do you feel about going?"

He shrugged. "It will be a change from being here."

Snape took Harry's suitcase and guided him out of the hospital wing down to the dungeons.

"Potter." Draco's greeting sounded rather subdued.

"Are you ready?" Snape asked.

They both nodded. With a tug around their navels they were whisked to the chalet.

Snape decided to put them both in a room together so if one needed help then the other would be there. He was surprised that Draco seemed amicable, then realized he felt safe with Harry and perhaps it was better at this point for neither of them to be alone. He guided Harry around the room and showed him to the washroom. He was a quick learner when he was willing and memorized the number of steps required before sinking onto the bed. He was still feverish and had no appetite.

"I'm going to leave you two to yourselves for awhile. I'm going to go and work on some potions. Harry, I'm going to have some new drops for you to try in awhile. In the meantime, drink plenty of water. You need to flush that fever out." He looked over at Draco. "I need to talk to you for a moment. Please come downstairs to the living room."

He lit a warm fire and threw a blanket to his ward, who was once again shivering slightly. "Be sure to use the warmth package when you get back to bed. And I insist you eat something."

The blond shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

"That's not an acceptable answer," Snape said softly.

Draco made a face.

"I'm going to be working on some potions this afternoon."

Draco nodded in understanding. "For Potter."

Snape looked into the gray eyes intently. "And for you."

The eyes widened. "Pain potions?"

Snape swallowed. "No. I need to find a potion that will break a memory transferring curse."

The blond backed up, looking alarmed. "W... what do you mean?"

"Dominic brought me your test results. You weren't raped."

"What are you on about? I didn't make this up, it happened. You don't believe me? You think I'm lying?" He grew panicked, his breaths coming in short gasps.

"NO, no, of course you're not lying. I know that. Please calm down. I believe your father put..."

"NO! You're trying to manipulate me...you think if you wipe out my memory of what happened I'll be normal ... " Draco stopped, his heart was beating rapidly and his stomach turned.

"Can we please talk about this calmly?" Snape reached out to him but the blond wizard scurried out of reach.

"NO! I don't want to talk about it again. I don't want to think about it but I don't want to forget either. I hate him like I've never hated anyone. I want him dead!" Draco's voice rose to a near hysterical pitch.

"CALM DOWN!" Snape commanded.

Draco turned and ran up the stairs back to the room. Snape sighed heavily and stared at the flames.

The door flew open with a bang and shut loudly with a bang. Startled, Harry jumped. All he could hear was laboured breathing and then someone grabbed his arm desperately.

"You have to get better!"

"Draco, stop, calm down" Harry slowly raised himself to a sitting position.

"You have to stop him! You can't just give up – he'll do it again."

He realized with shock that Draco was crying and was so distraught he couldn't breathe again. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

The horrible sense of betrayal and confusion threatened to overwhelm the blond. He took a gulping breath. "He says it didn't happen, the test proved it. He wants to take away the memory of it, but it did happen! I'm not crazy; I didn't make it up. He just wants to Oblivate the memory, but it won't matter because it did happen. I won't let him, he thinks if he wipes away that memory that I'll be normal again!"

"Draco, calm down. He's only trying to help you."

Hearing Draco's laboured sobs was torturous. Harry reached over and awkwardly patted him on the back, but he didn't calm down. Instead, he tried to pull away.

"Stop, just calm down." He didn't have his wand and couldn't transfigure anything. He tentatively put his other hand on Draco's chest. "Calm down, okay."

"You have to try," came the agonized whisper.

"Try what?"

"To fight, to get better, he can't win. Please, Harry." His words came out in a whisper as he struggled to breathe between choked sobs.

Draco put his hand over his face, he felt once again as if his world was falling apart. Soothing warmth suddenly flowed into his chest. He gasped and took a deep breath. He looked at Harry in amazement.

Snape hesitantly came into the room to see if he could reason with Draco. He came to a complete stop, startled to see the blond teen sitting on Harry's bed, his face tear-streaked. Harry had one arm around Draco and the other seemed to be held against his chest.

"Harry? Draco? What's happened?"

Harry suddenly pulled back and his hands came up over his eyes.

"Are you all right?" Snape asked Harry. He looked at Draco. "What happened?"

The blond sniffed and hastily wiped his face. "I was having trouble breathing and Harry did something like Dumbledore did. I could breathe better. This white light shone from his eyes."

Snape's hand came up and stroked the black hair. "Are you in pain?" he asked gently.

"No, I just feel strange and…" He removed his hands and looked up, stopping mid-sentence. His mouth fell open.

He then reached up and put his hand on the side of Snape's face. Snape flinched slightly, startled by Harry's action. He realized that the young wizard's green eyes seemed more focused and looked into his own eyes.

"Harry?"

"Very blurry," he stated dropping his hand.

"What? What's blurry?"

"You are." Harry suddenly smiled.

Snape's heart leapt; the young wizard's face was full of joy mingled with disbelief. His smile lit up the room.

"You can see?" he asked hesitantly.

"Not clearly. If I didn't know it was you I wouldn't know who it was, but I can make out that someone is there."

Without thought, Snape grabbed Harry, pulling him close. After weeks of brewing potions and meeting one disappointment after another, the fact that Harry could make out anything was like a miracle.

"Er, Professor Snape, I can't breathe," mumbled Harry, half smothered by his cloak.

He pulled back, letting Harry go. "Draco, please stay with him, I need to floo the healer and the headmaster."

He glanced at his ward who sat there wide eyed, rubbing his temples with both hands.

"Are you all right?" Snape asked, looking at him intently.

"I have a headache," he mumbled sullenly.

"I'll give you something when I get back," Snape assured him.

Harry had drifted into an exhausted sleep when the headmaster and the healer came. Dominic immediately set to scanning him while Dumbledore watched for a few moments then went over to Draco.

He patted his arm. "I hear you are the catalyst that brought Harry's sight back. How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Dumbledore gave him a knowing look over his half-moon glasses. Draco looked away. "Give it time, and when you are ready, listen to Severus. You can trust him, you know that."

He looked up and whispered, "I don't want to remember, but I don't want my memory erased."

Dumbledore looked at him intently. "It is not your memory."

Draco stubbornly shook his head, feeling his throat close once again.

"Take your time, we will find a way to help you. You need to take care of yourself. This looks quite appetizing," the headmaster commented on the plate of sandwiches. "Why don't you eat a few. You need to keep your strength up."

He shook his head. "I have a bad headache. I don't want to eat."

"You need to tell Severus so he can get you a potion," Dumbledore recommended.

"He knows! He said he'd bring me one but apparently he has forgotten," Draco said petulantly.

"I'll remind him," the headmaster assured.

"I don't understand this, his retinas were burned," Dominic said with bewilderment in his voice.

"How is he now?"

"His retina's have somehow healed themselves. There is obviously still some vision loss, but that may clear up over time. His fever has also vanished. Albus, I have no explanation for this." The healer held his hands up in the air. "I've never seen anything like this."

Dumbledore smiled. "Apparently Harry has his own healing powers. Thank you for coming out here."

The healer left as Dumbledore went over and sat beside Harry who was tossing and turning restlessly.

_Harry screamed as Voldemort burned the Dark Mark into his skin. "You are a part of me now!" the dark wizard hissed. _

_His scar felt as if it had burst open. He fought, struggling to breathe, but the air was thick with smoke. He turned to see Hogwarts on fire. He heard screams and turned back to see a flash of green as the headmaster fell to the floor dead. He looked up with horror and saw the Dark Mark hovering in the skies._

Suddenly, he was slapped across the face; he gasped and opened his eyes. A blurry shape took form in front of him.

"I'm sorry, my dear boy, but I had to wake you. Calm down. You were having what looked to be a rather disturbing nightmare," he heard Dumbledore's voice say in a calm and soothing tone. He realized the headmaster's hands were gently cupping his face. "Shhh, take some deep breaths."

"No, you have to go to Hogwarts, he's there - it's on fire!" Harry shouted as he struggled, trying to break out of the headmaster's grip.

"Hogwarts is safe. You were having a dream," the headmaster stated firmly. Harry tried to take a deep breath, but his heart was beating so fast it made him dizzy.

"NO, let me go he's back, he's killing everyone. LET ME GO!" Harry shouted desperately.

"Harry, stop!" Dumbledore shook him hard once. "You're becoming hysterical."

He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Here, make him breathe into this." Harry heard Draco's voice.

"Harry, breathe into the bag."

He felt a paper bag over his nose and mouth and took some deeper breaths. He felt better after a few moments. He realized this is what Draco kept going through – it wasn't pleasant.

He lowered the bag and was able to murmur, "Thanks."

Snape entered the room, but for a moment he stood back. He watched the headmaster with both Harry and Draco and felt a surge of guilt for his earlier outburst.

He went to Draco and handed him a vial. The teen took it without looking at him.

The headmaster glanced at the blond teen shivering beside him. "Severus, as soon as Draco has taken the headache potion, I think it would be a good idea to run him a hot bath. It will help relax him, hopefully enough so that he can eat something afterwards."

Snape nodded curtly.

Harry felt Dumbledore's hand cupping the side of his face. "I hear there is some good news and your sight is returning?"

"Will it come back fully?" Harry asked hopefully.

"We don't know that for sure yet, but it looks promising."

"But everyone was sure that I wouldn't be able to see again," Harry stated, his brow creased in thought.

"Apparently you have a healing power in you. When you helped Draco, something healed inside of you also."

Chapter 41: "All the sanity in me" Dumbledore and Harry talk about how to proceed. Draco convinces Snape not to do anything – he still doesn't believe the diagnosis. Snape and Dumbledore discuss the Potions Master's demons from the past. Harry shares his memories with Draco. An owl's ashes are scattered.

Please review.


	41. All the Sanity in Me

_**A/N:** Happy New Year! Wow I barely got those Christmas one shots done before Christmas, and then fan fiction wouldn't let me post the last one on new story-it apparently was disabled so I had to post it as a second chapter of the first one shot-darn those Christmas gremlins. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Big thanks to Catmint for the list of 'said words' - as you will see in this chapter they are coming in handy._

_I do want to apologize that this update has taken so long, but after all the one shots I needed a break and some time to do my own freelance writing. I need to focus more on writing on my other stories so I can eventually become a full time writer -which is my goal. I will, of course, continue to update this, but in order to make the updates not so drawn out, the chapters might be shorter. There will be one more big climax and then year six will slowly wind down._

_Welcome new readers who have read Solstice and have caught up here----**you make my muse sing **(virtual eyedrops to you): TrueLove53, Cinnamon Angel, Viviane-w05(you prodded the muse!), Maaike, truglasgowgal_

Thanks all…** excessivelyperky, samie-j0, supernova8610, twinlady, AmunRa02, Rosaleen, spiritualwitch, Droxy, Melindaleo, Delaine, baby sweet, Dark Hiei11, Never-Again-Nevermore, ariverrunsthroughphoenix, Nanashi Kage Enjeru, Ravennbeastboy, DNA strand, lucidity, Catmint, Sever13, lyss33, Sari5156, ADHD, TrueLove53, Cinnamon Angel, viviane-w05KtoddhimRavenclaw-heir, Snapefan51 (wow! thanks for catching up), Freakstar, Mariya, Maaike, truglasgowgal**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal"_

_Big thanks to my beta Staporize!_

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 41: All the Sanity in Me **

Snape led Draco to the bathroom and ran him a hot bath. The expression on the blond's face was a mixture of anger and embarrassment and he refused to speak despite a number of attempts on Snape's part. The Potions Master was too tired to force the issue; he knew he would just end up losing his temper at his ward. He thought that a good night's sleep might do wonders for Draco as well as himself.

The headmaster stayed with Harry after the other two had left.

"How can I have helped Draco? I don't have any experience healing," Harry wondered.

"In every person there is normally a balance of light and dark. It is up to each individual to make the choice between the two in the decisions we make. I believe that with your anger at Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange, the dark side in you reared up. That is why you were suddenly able to do the Cruciatus Curse but you had no control over it. In addition, your despair at your blindness kept you hovering closer to the dark. The battle inside of you, I believe, sparked your fever. When your desire to help Draco welled up, the light in you overwhelmed the dark," Dumbledore explained.

"But a lot of people experience anger and can't suddenly do the Cruciatus Curse. And what about that horrible pain I kept getting?"

Dumbledore looked hesitant. "Let us not worry about that now. You should rest and perhaps tomorrow you will regain more of your sight."

Harry still couldn't see clearly, but the tone of the Headmaster's voice worried him. "Are you not telling me something again,like the Prophecy last time? Don't protect me if you know something."

For a moment Dumbledore didn't speak; then, quietly, he explained: "I will be honest. I have suspected something for a while, but it is pure speculation. I will not voice it until I have more facts."

"Is it good or bad?" Harry asked hesitantly.

"It is pointless to discuss this until more facts are in. I want you to rest now, Harry," he said, his voice containing a note of finality about it.

Harry wanted to know more. A tendril of fear circled in his stomach at the possibility of yet another possibly bad thing in his life. He knew the headmaster would not tell him so, resigned, he lay back, pulling up the blanket. With a shock to fit all, he hadn't been able to truly think about the fact his sight was partially back. He sighed in contentment.

Dumbledore chuckled softly and patted his shoulder before getting up. "I will bid you goodnight." He paused - then added, "Keep an eye on Draco – he relies on your friendship much more than you think and more than he'll ever admit. I'll floo back tomorrow to check on you all."

The old wizard vanished into the floo seconds before Snape came out of the bathroom without Draco.

"How is he?"

"Disrespectful as always," glowered Snape.

"He's upset," Harry declared quietly.

"I realize that, but being rude and sulky isn't going to make him less upset," Snape shot back. "I'm going to go to my room and get some sleep, I suggest you and Draco do the same. I'm just down the hallway, in the same room I stayed in last Christmas, just in case either of you need me."

Harry grinned. "Sweet dreams."

Snape snorted in annoyance. He stopped just short of the door. Without turning, he exclaimed, "I'm very happy that you have regained some sight – goodnight, Harry."

Harry tried to stay awake until Draco came out from his bath, but it was a losing battle and he fell asleep with a smile on his face. His sight was coming back – he felt like he had been blessed with a miracle.

When Draco came out after his hot bath, he realized that the headmaster and Snape had gone. He didn't really want them hovering around him, but he felt strangely alone all of a sudden. Thankfully Potter was in the room still – albeit asleep. He was insurmountably glad that the dark-haired wizard was regaining his sight, but also horribly embarrassed that in that moment of panic he had tearfully begged him to defeat the Dark Lord. He didn't know what had come over him, but he hated it. Yet …Potter hadn't made fun of him, had instead tired to reassure him. A wave of gratitude swept over him – he would never admit it out loud, but he was glad that he and Potter were no longer enemies.

He burrowed himself under the covers and hoped for a deep sleep.

Hours later, Harry was awakened by a soft thud. He opened his eyes and blearily looked around. He was startled to see Draco on the floor beside his bed.

"Are you all right?" he whispered.

The blond didn't answer and Harry realized that his sight had again improved so that he could make out that it was Draco, even though he was still a bit blurry. Harry carefully got up and went over to him.

Draco was once again shaking. He was leaning against the side of the bed.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

Draco nodded reluctantly. His heart was beating at an accelerated pace and he shook his head, trying to dispel the horrible images.

"Come on, get back into bed," Harry ordered. He bent down and lifted the blond to his feet and then helped him to lie down on the bed. Draco didn't stay on his back; he rolled over on his side facing Harry.

"Will you tell me what it was about?"

Despite the nausea and the tremors, Draco could appreciate that Potter didn't demand that he tell him what the nightmare was about like Snape would have; rather, he left the choice up to him.

"It was stupid!" he stated.

Harry didn't want to prod knowing how upset Draco could get. He sat on the edge of his bed thinking of ways to try and assure him. The blond, however, explained further: "Do you remember when Lupin in Defense Against the Dark Arts class told us about Ghouls? How they are consorts of the Dark Lord?"

"Yeah, foul creatures." Harry swallowed.

"I dreamt that about eight of them had Severus surrounded and – and one of them sliced his throat from ear to ear with his scythe. Blood spurted everywhere and they laughed." He swallowed heavily and took a deep, shaky breath.

"You are right, it was just a stupid dream," Harry quietly assured him.

"Yes, it was just a dream. I'm fine now Pot –Harry," Draco groaned wearily.

Harry nodded and got off the bed. For a second he saw a flicker of anxiety flare in the gray eyes. He paused. "Maybe we should move the beds a little closer together in case I have a nightmare. I'd hate to end up hitting the floor like that, especially since I can finally see again."

Draco looked up at Harry suspiciously; he had a feeling that he had made the suggestion for his benefit. He was secretly grateful – the dream had left him shaken and some how the thought of a close presence was a little more reassuring.

He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed his wand. Harry climbed onto his bed. Draco waved the wand and muttered a charm and the beds moved closer together.

"Night, Draco," Harry muttered as he made himself comfortable.

"Good night, Harry," Draco yawned, sinking once again under the blankets, shivering slightly from the after effects of the disturbing dream.

The rest of the night passed peacefully and Harry awoke the next morning to find Severus standing at the foot of his bed looking puzzled. When the Potions Master realized that Harry was awake, he came over to the side. Harry glanced at Draco and saw that he was still in a deep sleep. He whispered to Snape, explaining about the young Slytherin's nightmare.

Snape's dark eyes narrowed with worry. "I had hoped he would finally have a good night."

"He did afterwards," Harry stated. He looked up, realizing that Snape was staring at him intently.

"How is your sight this morning?"

A broad grin broke out on Harry's face. "Almost back to normal."

Snape smiled in return. "Shall we go down for breakfast and let Draco sleep for as long as he needs?" he whispered.

Harry had already gotten out of bed and grabbed his robe in response.

"How would you feel about showing Draco your memory of that day when he thinks the attack took place?" Snape asked cautiously.

"Fine." Harry shrugged. He had already shown it to Snape once. If it helped Draco, he would be more than willing.

As they went downstairs, Harry marveled at everything in the chalet, feeling an incredible surge of joy to be able to see again. He couldn't wait to see Hermione and Ron and … Ginny. His heart did a little leap at the thought of seeing Ginny. He paused at a window and, although it was raining hard outside, he could see all the flowering trees and plants. He knew that on the other side of the chalet and down a hillside path was cliff overlooking a beautiful valley. He would release Hedwig's ashes there and scatter them in the wind, wild and free. His throat closed for a moment at the memory of this beautiful white owl.

"Come and eat," came Snape's voice, startling him.

Harry cleared his throat and turned. Although Snape didn't say anything, Harry saw sympathy in his black eyes and realized that somehow Snape had guessed what he had been thinking. He made his way to the table and found himself remembering the Christmas dinner they had all shared here. It was only five months ago, but it felt like years had passed. On the table stood plates of bacon, eggs, roasted tomatoes, bread, and French toast. He looked at Snape, surprised. "Did you cook this?"

Snape sneered. "I have lived on my own for a long time, Potter. I do know how to cook. Any half wit can do it."

Harry tried his best to contain his laughter, but it erupted in a muffled, mirthful snort.

Snape scowled at him.

"I meant…err, I didn't mean to imply that you were one." He couldn't prevent the amused smile from spreading across his face.

Snape's retort was prevented by Draco's entrance. The blond looked warily at Snape.

"Good, you are just in time for the breakfast feast that Severus prepared," Harry said welcoming him.

The gray eyes met his and he sat down beside him. Snape put two cups of hot peppermint tea beside their plates.

Harry ignored the uncomfortable silence and dug into the bacon and eggs.

Snape hesitantly started talking. "Draco, after breakfast I'd like to talk to you about…"

"NO! I don't _want_ to talk about it; I'm _not_ going to do it. Just leave me ALONE!" Draco exploded as he leapt to his feet.

Harry dropped his fork in shock at the other teen's outburst.

Snape sat down with his plate and stayed perfectly calm and in control. He continued as if he hadn't heard a word that Draco had just yelled. "…about seeing Harry's memories of your attack. If you can keep your mind open even to the slightest degree, you will be interested to see what Harry saw."

Draco took a deep breath and sat down again, a slight flush staining his cheeks. He glanced at Harry, not sure whether he should feel betrayed or grateful. Harry looked back at him, clearly concerned.

Draco then snarled in Snape's direction, "Fine!"

"Good, we will do it right after breakfast," Snape announced.

The blond seemed barely able or willing to take more than a few bites.

Snape admonished him: "You are never going to recover if you pick at your food like that."

Draco was about to tell him to sod off, but the glint in Snape's eye made him think twice. Snape did not handle disrespect well.

"Try the French toast with a bit of strawberry syrup – it's really good," Harry suggested softly.

Avoiding eye contact with Snape, Draco grabbed half a piece of French toast and smothered it with the syrup. He had planned on just cramming it into his mouth in order to shut Snape up, but he discovered that Harry was right, it was excellent. He found himself reaching for the other half.

Unbeknownst to Draco, Harry and Snape exchanged a small grin.

After breakfast, Harry got up and went into the living room. He had just sat down on one of the cushy chairs when suddenly Dumbledore came through the floo.

"Good morning, Harry. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Great. My sight is getting clearer and clearer. If it keeps going like this, I won't need glasses anymore," he joked.

"Your friends are all very happy for you. I believe Ron's words were, 'bloody hell that's great!'"

Harry burst out laughing.

"Hermione immediately wanted to give me textbooks to bring to you so you could start working on the next Transfigurations essay. I told her it would be better to rest your eyes just a little – you can catch up after reading week. Oh, and Ginny wanted me to tell you she misses you. I'm sure a kiss would go with that message, but I think it would be best to wait till she can deliver that in person."

Harry found his face heating up as he smiled. "I can't wait to see them all. When

Draco is finished with breakfast, I'm going to, with Severus' help, show him my memory of the attack. Maybe it will help him a little."

"I am very proud of you, Harry." Dumbledore smiled very softly. "May I ask for a few moments with Severus before this takes place? He and I have some things that need to be talked about."

"Sure." Harry wondered why Dumbledore suddenly sounded so serious.

Snape came in looking a bit rattled at the sight of the headmaster. Harry left the room and headed back into the kitchen.

Dumbledore sat down on the sofa. "Severus, we need to discuss something that has obviously been festering in you for many years."

The Potions Master squirmed. "I was out of order, I apologize," he explained uncomfortable.

"Sit down, please," Dumbledore commanded.

Snape sat down stiffly.

"I will concede that there were instances when you were a student which may have appeared to you that I favoured Gryffindor house. I am similarly certain that things happened that I was not informed of? However, Severus, I believe you have forgotten all the times you used illicit potions and Dark Arts spells – many times I was notified and the angry Heads of House demanded a more severe punishment than detention. In some cases, expulsion was suggested. I did not agree with either suggestion. I have always allowed for some measure of growth among my students. Draco, for example, has pulled some nasty stunts in the last few years, usually aimed at Neville, Harry, Ron, or Hermione – yet he has, in time, grown up and learned from his mistakes without harsh retribution from me."

He paused, allowing Snape to make any comments, but the black-haired, sallow-faced wizard looked very uncomfortable and watched the flames flicker in the fireplace.

Dumbledore continued, "As much as you despised James – and you were certainly warranted in feeling that way after his behavior towards you – you must concede that he, too, grew up from being the spoiled young man to accomplish deeds worthy of respect. As have you, Severus. I admit that Sirius had a vicious streak and it was obvious that you and he would never, even as adults on the same side of this war, become friends. However, do you not believe that he more than paid for his sins after all those years in Azkaban?"

He paused again, watching as Snape glanced towards the kitchen. The headmaster surmised that Snape was thinking of Harry at that moment.

"The man is now dead as is James. Can you not find a little forgiveness in you for pranks they both committed against you in their foolish youth?"

Snape finally spoke, his voice sounding rather harsh, "It is hard to forgive when one has hated for so long."

Dumbledore nodded. "It is indeed. Can you finally let go of this bitterness that you have let fester all these years? Can you forgive me for turning a blind eye towards your humiliation while you were a student? I truly meant you no harm, and I did not realize how much of an impact my own behavior had on you and on the decisions you made. I am humbled, however, that even feeling as you did, you still turned to me when you realized you did not want to stay a Death Eater."

The haunted black eyes finally lifted to look into the light blue ones of the headmaster. "I always envied Potter, Lupin, and Black's relationship with you. Not having had a father figure worth note in my own life, I looked to you to somehow fill that role as a guiding force. Yet every time, during my years as a student, I turned to you, you appeared to favour Potter and his cohorts. I grew to despise you, or at least I thought I did," he mused softly, his face flooded with past memories. When I realized what life as a Death Eater truly stood for – you were the only person I could think of to turn to."

"I am very glad that you did," the headmaster said warmly. "I hope you realize if I had had any inclination of what happened to Lucius, or if he or you had come to me, I would have done everything in my power to help him. I had always hoped that Lucius would absorb some of the things we teach at Hogwarts, but unfortunately the path he chose was into the dark. His son, thankfully, had the intelligence to question the path he had been brought up to follow, with some help from you of course."

Dumbledore stood up and sat himself down next to Snape. "I am truly sorry, Severus, if I failed you in your years at Hogwarts. Despite that, I am so proud at what you have accomplished and I am not just referring to your years as a double spy. You have helped Draco redeem himself, you have helped Harry time and time again, and have assisted him in dealing with Sirius' death. You have become a good man, Severus, and I am proud to have you as a member of the Order and especially proud to be able to call you a close confidant."

Snape cleared his throat as Dumbledore's hand came to rest on his shoulder. "Thank you, headmaster," he acknowledged hoarsely.

"Albus."

Snape conceded. "Albus."

**A/N#2:** _What can I say? I just couldn't shut up Dumbledore in those last few pages, so some of the things that were supposed to happen in this chapter will happen in the next. Harry shares his memories with Draco. Draco convinces Snape not to do anything – he doesn't believe the diagnosis. An owl's ashes are scattered and a heart stopping cliff hanger follows._


	42. See into My Eyes

_**A/N:** aaaack, For three days I thought my computer had kicked the bucket but I managed to get it going again…so crossing fingers I hope it stays with me for awhile. Ok I'm hope my heart stopping cliffhanger doesn't actually stop any hearts because as ERMonkey Burner of Cookies so observantly pointed out – I wouldn't get anymore reviews! LOL! – I have to admit I planned the cliffie while falling asleep one night and ended up with a shiver racing up my back._

_Welcome new readers who have read Solstice and have caught up here, thank you so much you make my muse dance! _Numb3rs-Freak, Anjali Malfoy

Thanks all…** samie-j0, ERMonkey Burner of Cookies, rosiegirl, Delaine, Sari5156, supernova8610, Rosaleen, DNA strand, Droxy, Melindaleo, alleycadabra, midnightwanderer01, Catmint, Dark Hiei11, lyss33, Freakstar, Rotem, excessivelyperky, Moldanubikum, viviane-w05, lucidity, Ravennbeastboy, baby sweet, hello, truglasgowgal, the mystical voice from up above, ****Numb3rs-Freak****, perfectpureblood, Tai, Lauren, cartergall31(I am so flattered by what you are doing), Crydee, Vampire Queen, Anjali Malfoy**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring me to Life"_

_This chapter is currently unbetad as I wanted to post ASAP. As soon as my beta Staporize has it edited I will repost!_

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 42: See Into My Eyes**

As Snape and Dumbledore talked, Harry went back into the kitchen with Draco. The blond wizard sat staring at his glass of pumpkin juice as if hypnotized.

Harry sat down across from him. The gray eyes briefly looked up at him then back to the glass.

"You don't want to do this do you?" Harry asked pointedly.

Draco didn't answer right away, then after a moment he shrugged. "I know what happened to me and seeing whatever you saw isn't going to make me think I imagined the whole thing," he responded bitterly.

Harry frowned. "No one is saying you imagined the whole thing, I think Severus..."

Draco interrupted, "Severus thinks I've gone crazy! The healer says I wasn't …says it it didn't happen!" He grew agitated.

"Severus does not think you are crazy, none of us do. Something obviously happened – we are just trying to find out what and to help you. I thought showing you this memory would help you." Harry responded urgently.

Draco looked at him, his expression wary.

"You _can_ trust me," the Gryffindor assured quietly.

The blond sighed heavily. "Fine, I'll do it then just to shut you and Snape up."

Harry noticed that Snape came into the kitchen looking a little more light hearted than he had when he first saw Dumbledore. He wondered what was going on between them.

"Are you ready to see Harry's memory, Draco?" Snape questioned.

"I don't want to but I will," he responded petulantly.

"Keep an open mind," Snape advised as he indicated they should follow him into the living room.

The blond reluctantly got to his feet and went in with Harry who waited for him at the door.

With his heart racing uncomfortably Harry wondered if he had done the right thing in agreeing to this. The memory of what Voldemort had done with those Muggle children and then his vision of the future made him suddenly break out in a sweat.

"Harry, are you alright?" Snape asked as he noticed the young wizard suddenly pale.

"Yeah, let's just get this over with," he requested, straightening his shoulders and taking a deep breath.

Snape hesitated for a moment staring intensely at Harry. Was he making a mistake by doing this?

Draco reluctantly put his hand on the wand as Snape said hesitantly, "_Legilimens_."

They were taken back to when Lucius dragged his son away, they saw Draco being Crucio'd by Lucius, then thrown against the tree, when Draco's clothes vanished the images suddenly stopped.

Draco hit the floor unconscious and knocked the wand out of Snape's hand.

"He's fainted, this was too much for him," Snape stated. He carefully hauled the blond to his feet-waved his wand to lighten him- and picked him up. "Come Harry – back upstairs."

Harry shivered. After the spell broke, his own memory had moved on towards Voldemort and everything he did during the capture. His heart felt very heavy as he followed Snape up the stairs.

Draco was laid down on the bed and the thick blankets were put over him. Snape put a warming package up close against him.

"Lie down, Harry," Snape ordered.

"Why? I'm not the one who fainted," Harry retorted.

"Because I said to," Snape spat impatiently.

Harry ignored him.

"You may have gotten your sight back but apparently you have lost your hearing. Get into bed!" the Potions Master said in a dangerous silky tone.

Harry scowled angrily. "I'm not ill!"

Snape responded by waving his wand and muttering something.

Much to his annoyance Harry found himself lying on his back in his bed.

"I had forgotten that the healer explained how both you and Draco were severely traumatized by thing that the Dark Lord and Lucius had done. I should never have performed Legilimency on you. You may have gotten your sight back but you are still damaged by the Dark Lord's killing of the children in front of you and of his vision of the future."

"Lying in bed isn't going to heal me or Draco."

"Rest certainly won't hurt you either, that was the main reason we came here."

"Draco needs to see what I saw," Harry insisted.

"I agree but look what just happened!" Snape countered.

Draco slowly started to wake up to the sounds of an argument. He felt warm and calm. He opened his eyes and realized he was lying in a bed and so was Potter. Snape was sitting on the bed beside him.

"What happened? Was it a Quidditch game?" he asked confused.

Then all of a sudden his heart skipped a beat as he remembered his father and the Dark Lord. His stomach recoiled.

Snape quickly handed him a vial of calming potion. He sat up and swallowed it.

"Now that Draco has taken a calming potion I think we should show him my memory," Harry suggested.

Snape looked at Draco questioningly. "It's up to you."

Fear clenched his heart. He looked at Harry who nodded encouragingly.

He took a deep breath. He knew Harry and Snape both wanted him to and he felt childish refusing, so he nodded.

Snape looked at Harry. "I will not perform the spell until you also take a calming potion."

The young dark-haired wizard narrowed his green eyes. He knew Snape was serious and there would be no way to get around his request. He glanced back at Malfoy who looked at him apprehensively. He knew Malfoy was reluctant but he wanted him to start to heal. He looked back at Snape. "Fine, I'll take it."

Snape handed him the vial and he swallowed the potion.

"Stay in your beds you don't need to be standing for this. Are you both ready?"

Harry nodded. Draco muttered, "Yes." Snape sat beside him on the bed and waited till he hesitantly put his hand on the wand.

"_Legilimens_."

Once again they saw Harry's memory, this time they saw as the Dark Lord put his hands on Draco, then the sound of the explosion was heard, they saw him leave, moments later Lucius gently put Draco down in the cell. Draco's terror filled reaction afterwards. Snape lifted the spell.

Draco was white as the sheets on his bed. Snape gently reached out to clasp his shoulder but Draco moved away.

"Draco," Harry said softly.

"It didn't happen like that," Draco said.

Snape sighed. "I can understand that you are in denial, a memory curse as dark as this one is next to impossible to break and …"

"I don't want you to remove any memories, they are real! You don't understand how I feel!" Draco shouted at Snape as he got out of bed.

Snape lunged at him. "Draco! Get back into bed!"

"NO! In a few weeks I'll be 17! You won't be my guardian anymore you can't make me do anything!"

Harry opened his mouth to try and calm Draco but he stopped. The two Slytherins had this power struggle between them ever since Snape became Draco's guardian. He had to agree with Snape on this although he felt pity for Draco and what he was feeling. He sat back deciding not to interfere.

Draco headed for the door but Snape with a wave of his wand flicked it shut and locked it. The blond turned angrily.

"You are going to listen to what I have to say," Snape snarled. "I understand how upset you are and I understand how confused you are by all this. However turning against me is not going to work for you because I will not let you. I am your guardian for the time being and I hope that you will still consider me family when you do come of age. I also hope you are not so lame brained to think that without your guardians' protection you won't be easy prey for not only Lucius but the Dark Lord as well." Snape stood up and angrily strode towards Draco grabbing him by the scruff of his collar. He dragged him, struggling, back to the bed. "If you think you are grown up enough to handle them on your own then your arrogance far overwhelms what little intelligence I assumed you have."

Harry's breath caught in his throat. He knew first hand that Snape was capable of being cruel and insulting but this was the first time he had ever heard him verbally discipline Draco in such a way.

Snape pushed the blond back onto the bed.

Draco scrambled into a sitting position. "Sod Off!" he shouted angrily.

Snape's hand closed tightly over Draco's shoulder giving him a light shake. "You idiot boy! You are doing exactly what Lucius had hoped you would do. I'm going to ignore your lack of respect because I know how upset you are. You will stay in this room for the rest of the day and you will give some serious thought to what you just learned from Harry's memory. You will also give some thought to how you have been behaving over the last few months. Every time you are angry or upset you run off and endanger yourself or Harry or the school. That is going to stop now!"

More than anything Draco wanted to tear out of Snape's grasp however Snape's words struck a cord. He knew if he hadn't run and if Harry hadn't followed none of this would have happened. He glared at his guardian angrily for a moment but then dropped his head. Snape let go of his shoulder.

With something akin to a disgusted snarl Snape left the room with his cloak flying behind him.

Harry was a bit shocked by Snape's outburst. He knew how much he cared about Draco and he sensed his frustration over the blond's reluctance to accept Snape's suspicions about what had happened. The fact that Draco didn't trust Snape's assessment obviously hurt him more than he let on. Yet Harry couldn't really blame Draco for feeling as suspicious as he did.

Harry awkwardly got up. He knew if Snape had just lambasted him like that in front of Draco he wouldn't want the other boy trying to strike up a conversation with him. He quietly left the room glancing only once at Draco who sat on the bed stonily staring at the floor.

As soon as Harry had left Draco got to his feet shakily and made his way over to the window seat. He sat down on it and stared out of the window at the gray stormy sky and the pelting rain. No one understood how he felt.

Harry went downstairs gingerly so as to not disturb Snape who was apparently in the kitchen judging by the sounds of pots and pans being slammed around. He went into the living room and sat down in front of the fireplace.

After a few moments Snape entered. "What are you doing down here?" he asked, his voice icy.

Harry frowned. "Why are you so angry?"

"Because I am dealing with two insolent _children _who are supposed to be healing and who do everything in the power to thwart that from taking place!" Snape spat.

"I have my eyesight back!" he fired back.

"You also still have nightmares. You turned white as a sheet when I performed Legilmency on you."

"Lying around in a bed isn't going to get rid of what Voldemort did."

Harry enjoyed seeing Snape flinch at the use of the evil wizards name.

"Rest and some good meals will help both of." Snape said softly calming down a bit. "I am making some soup for you and Draco. I need to return to Hogwarts for a short time. I want you to go upstairs and stay there while I am away. Catch up on some homework, play a game of wizards chess with Draco or something else but stay in the chalet."

"Don't you think Draco's humiliated enough by the way you just yelled at him in front of me? I think he'd rather not have me around at the moment."

:"If Draco wants to sulk he can do so whether or not you are there. Go upstairs now," he ordered.

Frustrated Harry headed back up the stairs. Resentment burning hotly.

When he entered, he saw Malfoy slumped against the window seat. He sighed softly. Perhaps Snape was right about Draco anyway. He went over and grabbed the comforter off of Draco's bed carefully draping it around the sleeping teen. A wave of pity washed over him. Whatever Lucius had done to him had worked to some extent since Draco seemed too terrified to do anything to erase it.

He sat down on his bed and picked up some homework to catch up on. An hour later Draco stirred.

Draco was startled to see the comforter over himself. He looked over at Harry who nodded to him. He looked away again slowly getting up and taking the comforter back to his bed.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked him hesitantly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" the blond retorted.

"Why are you so scared to let Snape remove the implanted memory?" Harry pushed

Draco looked hostile. "I'm not scared, Potter!"

"Then what?"

He sat down on his bed wrapping the comforter about himself. He was freezing again. "I told you before. I don't believe that it didn't happen."

Harry shook his head frustrated. "But you saw my memory - Voldemort did not…did not hurt you."

"I _know_ he did!"

"Lucius somehow implanted that memory on you."

The white blond head shook vigorously in denial.

"_YES_, Draco, you _have to_ face the truth!" Harry insisted.

"NO! If I can find a way to deal with what happened to me I can deal with anything!"

"Do you really think you can see Lucius or Voldemort again without panicking?"

Draco's eyes narrowed. "I'll figure out a way."

"You fainted when you saw them in my memory!"

"I didn't the second time."

"Only because of the calming potion you took – _remember_?" Harry said snidely.

"Maybe you should let Snape remove _your _memories- you know the ones you took the calming potion for!" Draco fired back viciously.

"I'm not the one who hyperventilates at the mere thought of Voldemort and I didn't come crying to you begging to get rid of him!" The words came out of Harry's mouth before he thought how it would sound.

The blond's eyes iced over.

Harry quickly added. "I didn't mean it like that. Everyone's worried about you and have a chance to get better but you…"

"SOD OFF!. And don't worry about me, in fact don't come anywhere near me because everyone who gets close to you dies!" he spat.

Harry paled.

Just then Snape walked into the room carrying two trays. He put one down on Harry's nightstand glancing at him. He frowned wondering why the boy was so pale again. He was glad he had insisted that he come up here to rest. He brought the other tray to Draco's nightstand. His ward refused to even look at him.

"I need to go to Hogwarts briefly to meet with Professor Dumbledore. It is imperative that the two of you _not_ leave this chalet. There are powerful wards protecting it and no one other than those who have been specially spelled can enter. I won't be long."

Harry and Draco both nodded. Snape left shaking his head.

The second after Snape left Harry went to his nightstand and took out the small box containing Hedwig's ashes. He had so dreaded doing this but he wanted the opportunity to do it alone. The last thing he wanted right now was to be in the same room with Draco. He knew if he waited till Snape returned, Snape would insist on going with him, apparently he thought he was too fragile to even stay in the living room.

He put on his cloak, grabbed the box and headed to the door.

"Wh-where are going?" Draco asked hesitantly, suddenly feeling a smidgen of guilt for what he said before.

Harry turned to him, his green eyes blazing. "I'm going to take care of someone else who was close to me and died!" He stormed through the door and muttered as he went down the stairs, "Bloody Malfoy once a cruel git always a cruel git!"

He went outside into damp dreary day. It was silent as a tomb and the air smelled moldy - he almost changed his mind as the wet earth squished under his shoes. Determined he plodded on, his heart feeling heavier as he got closer to the cliff. He stood for a moment looking out over the valley which was rapidly fogging over. Somehow the thick fog was comforting, swirls of silver and white reminding him of Hedwig. He knelt down and looked at the small box. Hesitantly he opened it; his heart did a painful jump, on top rested one of her feathers. He tenderly picked it up and stroked it gently then held it up to his face. Tears pooled in his eyes as he thought back over the years, her chirps, her little nips, and her beautiful eyes. He realized that for the first time since he'd started attending Hogwarts he would go to the Dursleys without her. He put the feather in his pocket and silently thanked Snape for saving it for him. He looked at the ashes wondering how this little pile was all that he had left of someone he loved so much. Hedwig had accepted him unconditionally, never looked at him oddly because of his scar, never made fun of him, was never cruel to him all she ever wanted was some food, drink and love. He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, remembering the beautiful snowy owl. "Thank you Hedwig for being in my life – I wish I could have seen you in those final moments." He said wistfully. He leant over the edge and shook the box watching as the breeze swept up the ashes guiding them out across the valley.

"Be free, Hedwig, I'll miss you until we meet again."

A feeling of peace swept over him. He looked down the rocky edge, it was a sheer drop some 400 feet below, he could see mosses growing on the side of the cliff, further way down in between the dark crevices he saw wild poppies and bluebells in bloom mixed in with late spring heathers. A part of him wished the sun was shining but on the other hand the grayness of the day suited his gloomy mood.

A light rain started to fall and a sudden chill entered the air as the wind picked up. The vista in front of him darkened. An unexpected shiver raced through him as somewhere in the distance an owl hooted. The hairs on the back of his neck suddenly rose. He slowly turned around. He saw a sight that froze his heart. Coming out the forest to his left he saw the white gleaming masks of Death Eaters. Lumbering along behind them were yellow-eyed Ghouls carrying scythes. Then further back in the forest, he spotted the inhuman gleam of red eyes shining out of the darkness – Voldemort.

* * *

**A/N#2:** _Lots of reviews will make my muse write faster…_

_I suppose some of you might like a peek at the next chapter? It's called "**Don't Let Me Die Here" **There will be death…a bolt of light, guilt and a return to Hogwarts._


	43. Don't let me Die here

_**A/N:** I felt so evil after that last chapter. My muse was very happy with all the reviews and therefore I am able to update after two weeks, despite computer breakdowns and a wicked windstorm that hit and knocked out my power._

_Welcome new readers who have read Solstice and have caught up here, thank you so much you make my muse dance! lollymolly_

Thanks all…** Mariya Yanusheva, samie-j0, DNA strand, Delaine, Melindaleo, dalamis, Swiffer, starangel2106, ckat44, Tai, Rotem, Dark Cloaks, Anjali Malfoy, Tigerlily, Droxy, santana, supernova8610, NitaPotter, lyss33, ERMonkey Burner of Cookies, the mystical voice from up above, truglasgowgal, baby sweet, Catmint, Rosaleen, rosiegirl, Anon., Moldanubikum, Dark Hiei11, midnightwanderer01, SBR, cartergal131, Lauren, SerenityMelody, Dan, excessivelyperky, Becky, kennyluver4, Sari5156, viviane-w05, Hedwig136, Cynthia1850, Voluptua, lollymolly, notaword, Hahukum Konn**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring me to Life"_

_This chapter is currently unbetad as I wanted to post ASAP. As soon as my beta Staporize has it edited I will repost!_

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 43: "Don't Let Me Die Here"**

"Lemon Drop?"

Snape shook his head.

"Is there a problem, Severus?" Dumbledore asked, looking concerned at the sudden appearance of the Potions Master.

Snape sighed, coming for help wasn't easy for him but at this point he was ready to throttle the two stubborn teens.

"They are supposed to rest and heal. Harry stubbornly refuses to do either ever since his sight has come back and Draco is being a childish brat lamenting about what has happened to him but refusing to do anything about it."

The headmaster unsuccessfully attempted to suppress the grin that threatened to form. He chuckled lightly. "Severus, Harry has been without his sight and now through some miracle he has it back. It is perfectly normal that he is not going to want to remain lying in a bed."

"He is still traumatized by what the Dark Lord did – killing the Muggle children and ingraining his vision of the future in his nightmares."

"Yes, Harry does have to deal with those things but with love and support he will over come the damage done to him."

"Draco refuses to even consider letting me try to remove the implanted memory. It is as if I am now the enemy."

"Draco is high strung and unfortunately not always rational. Did you take the time to explain it to him properly? Did you tell him that the memory belongs to Lucius – and inform him what Lord Voldemort did to Lucius? Did you also assure him that while the memory of the awful attack will be erased he will be able to remember and hear Lucius putting the spell on him and he will remember the memory as if he had been told about it rather than it actually happening to him?"

"No I didn't get the opportunity to go into detail, he just about hyperventilates whenever I barely mention it."

The headmaster peered over his glasses knowingly. "Severus, patience is not one of your virtues. Are you sure in your eagerness to help him you attempted to force him to accept that you would do this? Draco is terrified - any sign of being forced is going to make him panic. He needs to know all the pieces of this puzzle and even then the decision is his. You must consider if this had really happened, he would in time need to come to terms with it and heal from it."

The headmaster sat back drumming his fingers together. "You know I heard a Muggle song once that stuck in my mind. The words 'what doesn't kill you will make you stronger' I have always thought of Harry in conjunction with them but now it applies to Draco as well. Help him become stronger, Severus."

Snape looked resentful. "He refuses to let me."

"Then convince him to let you." Dumbledore stated with an air of finality.

"How is Harry faring emotionally?"

Snape sighed. "He thinks now that his sight is back he is invincible but I saw how shaken he was when I performed Legilimency on him."

The headmaster looked sad. "He carries an heavy burden and it may be even more labourous than any of us suspects."

Snape looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I have had my suspicions for a while now but when he stopped Draco from hyperventilating and when his sight came back I became more convinced. Have a seat Severus, I will fill you in."

* * *

Draco got out of bed and snorted in annoyance. "Stupid Gryffindor!"

How dare he throw his panic attack back in his face and then pretend to care about him. And Snape trying to force him into believing it hadn't happened and then humiliating him in front of Potter. He went back over to the window seat and sat down feeling sorry for himself. With a mixture of resentment and guilt, he watched Harry sit by the cliff's edge. While focused on Harry he suddenly noticed some movement by the forest. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the white faces of Death Eaters. A shiver shot through him. "Harry, turn around, turn around." He gasped his voice strangled.

He watched as Harry finally did. It was then that Draco also saw the ghouls from his nightmare following the Death Eaters, then he saw the tall gaunt figure with glowing red eyes-the Dark Lord. He froze, bile rising in his throat as he uncontrollably started shaking. He shook his head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. He shrank back from the window closing his eyes tightly. He can't get in – Snape had said that the chalet was protected. He was protected. But Harry wasn't.

He forced himself to his feet, his heart racing in terror. He paused for second not knowing what to do. He took a deep gulping breath and headed for the fireplace screaming into it "HELP Death Eater attack, Harry's outside."

Snape's face appeared in the fire, "STAY where you are! Do not go outside!" His face then disappeared as it someone had yanked him back.

He ran to the window again to see the Death Eaters advancing as Harry drew his wand. Then he saw Harry fall to the ground obviously the victim of the Cruciatus.

He pulled out his wand his hand shaking badly. Everything in his body screamed to not go outside, to stay inside where it was safe but the nagging voice in his head kept telling him he was a coward. Could he stand here and watch Harry die? If he went out he would likely be killed too. He steeled himself, maybe that would be for the best. He knew one thing and that was he would kill himself before he let the Dark Lord touch him again. He ran down the stairs and headed for the door.

Harry had barely been able to even pull out his wand before the first Crucio was shouted. He hit the ground in agony. When the curse was lifted he opened his eyes and shakily pulled himself to his feet. Voldemort stood in front of him. "Accio Wand!" Harry's wand flew to the heir of Slytherin. "Well well Harry, I see you have your sight back, what a shame you won't be able to enjoy it for long. However you will at least be able to stare death in the face and see that lovely green flash just before it unites you with your mother and father."

He pointed his wand at the disarmed wizard, when suddenly Draco raced around the corner shouting "Petrificus Totalis!" He missed the Dark Lord but one of the ghouls dropped like a stone.

"DRACO!" Came Lucius' voice as he stepped towards him.

"GET AWAY from me!" the blond shouted almost hysterically.

"My Lord, let me rid you of this traitors presence." Bellatrix glared at Draco with disgust. "You useless whelp! You are just like your father!" she snarled x. She pointed her wand at Draco and before he could move she shrieked, "Avada Kedavra."

Harry watched in horror as a the bolt of green light came out of the wand, it was during those few seconds that he realized how much his unlikely friendship with the Slytherin had grown and how protective he felt towards him. The realization that Draco who was obviously terrified had risked his life to come out and help him dawned on him. All those feelings amassed and a flood of warmth coursed through his body like a freight train. He didn't hear the scream of agony that Bellatrix emitted before she fell to the ground when the white light shining from his eyes hit her, he didn't see Narcissa Malfoy throw off her mask and hurl herself in front of her son as the green light hit, he didn't see Draco drop to the ground.

When the warmth wore off and a chill coursed through him again he looked around almost in slow motion. His scar suddenly seared painfully again and he clasped his hand over it. The Death Eaters and Voldemort stood stunned staring at Bellatrix. Draco was on the ground staring at Narcissa who was sprawled in front of him. Lucius came and attempted to grab Draco but he shook off his father. In his haste to get away he slipped on the damp ground and hit his head, everything went black.

Suddenly Dumbledore appeared.

"I see we meet again, Tom. Although I must say the weather conditions are deplorable."

Voldemort looked furious but the red eyes looked at Harry warily. He shouted a demand and suddenly the ghouls advanced. Dumbledore waved his wand and some of the foul creatures emitted painful grunts and retreated. Harry attempted to get up but was hit by the scythe from one of the ghouls. It sliced his side deeply but he still managed to get around it. He stood focusing on Voldemort. Lucius lifted his wand at the same moment when Draco became conscious. He looked up and saw his father's drawn wand focused on the headmaster. He stumbled to his feet and shouted, "Accio wand" but he tripped over Narcissa's arm and much to his horror realized his wand had pointed at the headmaster effectively disarming him.

Voldemort smiled. "This gives me much pleasure." He lifted his wand and shouted, "Avada Kedavra".

Harry screamed "NO!" and again a white bolt shot from his eyes grazing Voldemort who screamed and then disapparated. The Death Eaters also disapparated one by one. Harry turned to see Dumbledore from what appeared the force of the killing curse fall over the side of the cliff.

Harry stumbled over to it, bleeding profusely from his side. It was too dark to see anything. "Professor? Professor Dumbledore?" he shouted down into the black shadowy depths.

"Harry! Harry! Are you alright?" Came Lupin's voice from just behind him.

"Dumbledore, Professor Dumbledore …Voldemort hit him with the killing curse, he fell over the side, maybe it missed him, he could still be alive, we have to go down there…"

"Shhh Harry, you are bleeding, You need to get back to Hogwarts. We will check."

It was then Harry realized that the area was swarming with Aurors. Tonks was over with Draco gently coaxing him to his feet. The blond looked at him, his eyes wide with shock.

Lupin lifted Harry to his feet but he fought him off. He shouted, "NO! We can't go, we have to go down there, we have to find him."

But Lupin grabbed hold of him and at the same moment when Tonks apparated Draco, Lupin apparated Harry. Together they ended up in the Headmaster's office. Snape was there, angrily just coming out of a body-binding spell. "The headmaster wouldn't let me leave to help. Are you both alright?"

They stared at him numbly. An overwhelming wave of guilt washed over Harry. Snape had told him to stay inside and because he didn't listen to him the headmaster was dead. Harry, his voice choked whispered, "I'm sorry."

Snape's eyes narrowed as he looked at him.

Lupin quickly looked at Tonks. "I'll take them to the hospital ward, you stay with Severus."

The black eyes of the Potions Master took on a note of panic. "You do not need to stay with me. I'll take them to the hospital ward. Where is the Headmaster? I suppose he is still at the chalet? Directing the Aurors? "

"Severus, come and sit down." Tonks pleaded as she gently reached towards him.

He backed away abruptly.

That was the last thing Draco and Harry saw as Lupin ushered them into the flu through to the hospital wing. It was then that Harry suddenly felt very warm and his knees buckled. Lupin caught him in his arms as he sank to the floor. Lifting him to his feet he brought him over to the nearest bed. Madam Pomfrey immediately rushed over.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure but he's bleeding profusely from his side." Lupin explained. "Draco did you see what happened?"

Draco stood wavering slightly; he stared at the wall as if in a trance.

"DRACO, what happened to Harry?"

The blond jumped slightly, his eyes landing on Harry's pale form. "Ghouls got him." Draco said hoarsely.

Leaving Harry in Madam Pomfrey's capable hands, Lupin quickly went to Draco's side and guided him to the next bed but the teen struggled of it and bolted to the washroom. They heard him being sick.

"What happened, I hear there was an attack at the chalet." Molly ran into the hospital wing and over to Harry.

Madam Pomfrey was busy tracing the deep wound from the Scythe and muttering a healing charm in a sing song voice. Repeatedly she traced the wound as it slowly knitted it up. Then she poured some potion carefully into Harry's mouth as she gently massaged his throat making him swallow.

"He'll be fine, but I need to clean him up." Madam Pomfrey assured the Weasley matriarch.

Lupin had gone into the washroom to check on Draco. He came out a few moments later with the weary teen leaning on him heavily.

Seeing the blood on the blond's face, Molly grabbed a cloth and started to dab at it.

He closed his eyes and winced as stabbing pain repeatedly shot through his head. Pomfrey came over and examined him. She gave him a vial. "The boy has a nasty concussion, this potion will help to heal it but it will take a day or so. I can't give you anything for the nausea or the pain but the potion will help you to sleep. Do you understand Draco?"

He hoarsely mumbled, "Yes". He gulped down the potion but felt awfully nauseous and dizzy as Pomfrey wrapped a white bandage around his head. She attempted to get him to lie down but Draco resisted, his stomach was rolling dangerously and lying down was the last thing he wanted.

Pomfrey was worried over how icy his skin was. She knew he was in shock so she wrapped the blanket securely around him. When she finished she went back to Harry.

Mrs. Weasley sat down on the bed beside Draco and put an arm around him, he found himself leaning against her.

"Remus, is everyone safe?"

Lupin looked at Molly sadly. Poppy had stopped working for a moment also and looked at him expectantly. "I'm afraid that Professor Dumbledore was killed tonight."

Molly and Poppy both gasped.

"No it can't be." Said Poppy her eyes welling up.

"H...How?" was all that Molly was able to choke out.

"The killing curse – Voldemort," he said quietly.

Just then Ron and Hermione ran into the hospital wing. They were shocked to see Malfoy slumped against Mrs. Weasley. His eyes were closed and he looked very ill. Their eyes then landed on the still figure of Harry.

Remus immediately spoke up, "Harry will be fine, he needs to spend the night here but tomorrow he can go back into the Gryffindor tower."

"Draco?" Hermione said hesitantly.

"He needs rest right now." Remus answered.

At the sound of his name, Draco opened his eyes and looking into Hermione's. She looked at him kindly and quietly said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded then closed his eyes again.

"Children I want you to go back to your dorm now. It's been a difficult night and the order needs to meet. The boys need to rest."

Ron and Hermione threw one more look at Harry and reluctantly left. As soon as they got to the Gryffindor tower Ginny and Neville swarmed them.

"We just heard that there was an attack at the chalet, is Harry alright?" Ginny asked in a panic.

"I think so, he was either sleeping or unconscious. Lupin said he's be able to leave the hospital wing tomorrow and come back to the tower." Hermione explained.

Ginny relaxed a bit but then noted the frown on Ron's face. "What's wrong?'

He shrugged. "I don't know but didn't you find it odd that neither Pomfrey or my mum said anything? They both looked very upset, like they'd been crying or something?"

Hermione nodded. "I noticed but I'm just hoping they were upset because of Harry and Draco."

"Is Malfoy ok?" Ginny asked, she still despised him but she knew that Harry had been concerned about him.

"He looked awful." Hermione said quietly. "He has a bandage all around his head."

"Mum was sitting with him." Ron added.

"I hope no one else on our side was hurt." Neville stated.

"I can't wait to see Harry." Ginny whispered to herself.

* * *

"I don't want to stay here." Draco protested when Lupin tried to get him to lie down.

"I can check with Severus but I think it would be kind to let him grieve for a night."

Draco swallowed heavily and nodded.

"Professor McGonagall will not have time, she is now acting headmistress." Lupin said gently. "And of course the headmaster is no longer with us. That leaves me. You are welcome to spend the night in my quarters."

Later once he had Draco settled on a transfigured bed in his rooms, Lupin went out of the room softly closing the door. He leant against it thinking of the headmaster. He remembered his kindness at letting him attend Hogwarts and again later appointing him as a teacher.

Draco lay in the dark, the image of the headmaster's wand flying out of his hands into his own by the misdirected spell. He closed his eyes tightly as he remembered how the headmaster had helped him on a number of occasions. He realized that never again would he feel the light comforting touch of the headmaster's hand on his head, never again would anyone call him dragon. The tears came rapidly and he gulped hard trying to suppress them.

Lupin heard the soft muffled sobs coming from behind the door. They had all lost so much this night. Tears made their way down his own weathered face. Albus Dumbledore, respected and much loved headmaster of Hogwarts was no more. The thought was unbearable.

* * *

**A/N#2:** _"Your Face it Haunts" some sexual healing for one grief-stricken soul, shared grief, anger, guilt and angst as the females offer some comfort._

_Please review…_


	44. Your Face it Haunts

_**A/N:** Thank you for all those wonderful reviews – my muse and I love them!_

_Welcome new readers who have read Solstice and have caught up here, thank you so much you make my muse dance!_ _Swooproxmysox__, Kittens Have Claws_

Thanks all…** Sever13, samie-j0, Delaine, starangel2106, Droxy, ckat44, ratgirl, Hahukum Konn**, **supernova8610, Hedwig136, babysweet, Cynthia1850, Catmint, SerenityMelody, Rotem, ktoddhim, Dark Hiei11, Rosaleen, Clementine Malfoy, Melindaleo, notaword (thanks for the cupcakes), Mariya Yanusheva, Slytherins Snakes, theLastBLACK17, Lauren, lollymolly, ****Swooproxmysox****, Sari5156, Kittens Have Claws, DNA-lily, Tai**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal"_

_Big thanks to Catmint for springing in as my beta. I'd like to think I don't need one but boy oh boy after she's finished editing I realize how badly I do. Thanks for making it look good._

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 44: "Your Face It Haunts"**

"I'm going to the chalet," Snape stated tersely.

"No, don't…please," Tonks begged him. Her heart clenched at the wild look in his eyes. She realized deep inside thathe knew the headmaster was gone but refused to let himself believe it.

Without a backward glance, he grabbed a Portkey; she quickly grabbed a hold of it.

Aurors were everywhere – torches had been lit as darkness had descended. Moody was examining Narcissa Malfoy's body, while others were hunched over Bellatrix Lestrange. The largest number of Aurors were at the edge of the cliff.

Snape stood as if paralyzed. Tonks quietly went up behind him as she glared at her dead aunt. She felt nothing. The woman had disowned her mother for marrying a Muggle-born wizard, she had been vicious to Draco all of his life. Tonks wondered how she had died. With a slightly sick feeling she wondered if Draco had had anything to do with it. He had been hunched over her body in shock when she had Apparated onto the scene.

She looked over at her other aunt, Bellatrix, with even more disgust. The woman had killed Sirius. She was fanatically evil. The look on her face was of utmost horror. Tonks wondered also how she had perished.

"Severus?" she said softly.

"Where's the headmaster?" he asked hoarsely.

She pointed over to the cliff.

Hesitantly he walked over to it.

"He was hit with the Killing Curse and went over the side," Tonks said gently, swallowing the tightness in her throat. She had tried very hard not to think of the wise old wizard who was the head of the Order of the Phoenix. Every time she allowed herself to think about his twinkling blue eyes her own eyes welled up.

"We haven't found him yet," explained Moody, whose one eye seemed to be continuously watering and he angrily wiped at it.

Without a word Snape transformed into his raven Animagus form and flew down over the side of the cliff.

Tonks watched anxiously but he was out of sight for what seemed like an hour. When he finally came back up he held something in his beak. Tonks realized when he transformed back into his human shape that he held Dumbledore's half-moon glasses. Her heart clenched painfully and she couldn't stop the tears from welling up. Snape's expression was unreadable. When Moody attempted to take the glasses from his hand, the Potions Master abruptly turned and headed to the chalet.

Throwing an appologetic glance at her fellow Order members, she followed the black-haired wizard back into the chalet.

He seemed to collapse in front of the fireplace, gently holding the glasses, turning them over and over.

"Severus…"

"Leave me _alone_!" he snarled not turning around.

"We are all grieving, we can help each…"

"I _DON'T_ need help! He isn't dead, he _can't_ be dead," he declared.

She didn't respond. She just sat down on the mantle near him. "If he isn't dead, then where is he? Why wouldn't he let us know that he's alive?"

The tortured dark eyes looked up at her as he slowly shook his head. "He can't be dead."

"I'm so sorry." She choked up as she moved closer to him, putting her arm around his neck and drawing him close. He rested his cheek against her hair for a moment and sighed deeply but seconds later he tore out of her grip and sprang to his feet.

"I have to talk to Potter! I have to find out what happened!"

"NO!" Tonks grabbed his arm. "Harry is already upset enough, as is Draco. They were both injured they need their rest before they face an interrogation."

Snape's face suddenly fell. It was as if at that moment the realization that the headmaster was truly gone had sunk in. He swallowed heavily, andhe shook his head as if in denial.

Tonks stepped closer and cupped his face between her hands. "It will be alright. Think of what Albus would want. He wouldn't want you to sink into grief or deny the truth he would want…" Her voice cracked at that moment as her eyes filled with tears. Unexpectedly Snape pulled her close and roughly kissed her lips. Tears raced down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He gasped suddenly and pulled away again, his eyes closed. A single tear made its way down his cheek beside his nose.

That single tear was Tonk's undoing. She buried her face in his cloak as uncontrollable sobs shook her body. His arms closed around her tightly as he rested his head against her hair again. She calmed down quickly but noticed how he was shaking. She realized then with shock that he was crying – silent sobs as he gripped her tightly. She held him, not saying anything, knowing that no words existed that would ease the pain of loss he was experiencing.

When his body stopped trembling and he pulled back from her wiping his eyes, she took his hand. He glanced at her hesitantly. She tugged at his hand and indicated that he follow her up the stairs. He followed without resistance.

She led him into what she assumed what his bedroom at the chalet. The décor was dark green, silver and black. She led him over to the bed then turned and gently kissed him. He kissed her back softly, looking into her eyes. She saw a flicker of fear in the dark depths. She lifted her hand, gently stroked his cheek and swept the black strands of his hair through her fingers. In response he lifted her up into his arms and gently laid her down on the bed. He hesitated and asked nervously, "Are you sure?"

She nodded and softly responded, "I want this. I think you do too."

He leant down and kissed her again. She lifted her hands up to grip his shoulders and gently tugged him down beside her.

* * *

Lupin lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Hogwarts was silent but he wondered how many of its inhabitants were lying awake tonight. He felt a pang of pity for Minerva. She would have her hands full taking over the reins from someone like Dumbledore. A thud from the room that Draco was staying in caught his attention. He got up quickly, putting on his robe.

His guest was halfway across the floor when he entered the room. "Draco?"

The boy was shivering so badly his teeth were chattering. "I n-need to use t-the w-washroom."

Lupin was very concerned at how badly the boy shook. He knew thatif he offered to help him he would be refused, so he let Draco make his way to the washroom alone. Lupin immediately Summoned some more logs for the fire and conjured up a warmth package. When he heard Draco retching, he contacted Madam Pomfrey through the Floo, requesting her presence. She showed up at the same moment Draco came out of the washroom.

"Oh! You poor child. Back into bed with you!" She fussed over him and ushered him back into the bed. Lupin was amazed that Draco didn't speak a word of protest. Docile as a lamb, he let the Mediwitch tuck him in. She conjured up another warmth package and put it further down under the blankets to warm his feet. Lupin went and got another comforter, putting it on top of the thick one already covering Draco.

"Does your head still hurt?" she asked, concerned.

He whispered softly, "Yes."

She immediately lifted a potion up to his lips to drink.

"There; that should help with the shock." She lightly stroked his hair back from his bandaged head and waved her wand over his eyes. "Try and get some sleep now."

She looked at Lupin. "He is suffering from shock. The potion I gave him should help. Call me immediately if you need me again."

He nodded and thanked her for coming. "How is Harry?"

"Sleeping peacefully," she assured him.

After she left he sat down by Draco's bedside. "Have you managed to get any sleep at all tonight?"

The blond answered haltingly. "Not really. I think I fell asleep but then I had a dream…" His voice faltered.

"Was it a nightmare?' Lupin inquired.

"I don't want to talk about it," the teen stammered.

"You don't have to," Lupin assured him, putting his hand on the blanket where he assumed the boy's shoulder was, in what he hoped would be construed as a comforting gesture.

Draco had stopped shivering but his gray eyes glittered suspiciously. Lupin suspected the nightmare had upset him much more than he let on.

"Try and get some sleep. I'm going to sit here with you until you doze off."

Draco shook his head. "You don't have to."

The look Lupin gave him was so full of sympathy and concern that Draco turned away from him. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself. He heard the chair creak as Lupin stood up. "I will be right back," Lupin assured him.

He heard Lupin leave the room and took a shaky breath. In his dream he relived the awful moment when Dumbledore's wand ended up in his hands and when the Dark Lord used the Killing Curse. He brought his hand up over his face, trying to block out the memory. The door opened again and with a shaky breath he lowered his hand.

"I though you might like a little company and the poor creature has been lonely, Lupin said softly.

Draco realized that Loki was now on the bed with him. The large black cat purred and draped himself over his waist, making Draco smile softly. The soft soothing sounds that the cat made helped Draco to relax enough to be able to close his eyes.

* * *

Harry woke up confused. He reached for his glasses on the nightstand and grimaced as a sharp pain tore through his side. He realized he was in the hospital ward.

The horrible memory of Dumbledore dying shot through him. He had disobeyed Snape and now because of it, the headmaster was dead. The anxiety welled add _up _in his heart; panicked, he painstakingly got out of bed and made his way out of the ward. Pomfrey was nowhere in sight and for that he was grateful. He headed to the Gryffindor tower. Hogwarts was dark but he had learned how to maneuver around in the dark when he had been blind. By the time he finally got to the Fat Lady door, his side felt as if it were on fire. He whispered the password and stumbled inside. He froze when he saw that someone was sitting in the common room in front of the fire.

She gasped when she saw him. "Harry, what are you doing here?"

"I - I couldn't stay in there, I wanted to be …with friends. Ginny, Dumbledore is dead."

He realized then that her eyes were red-rimmed and that she held a handkerchief in her hand. "I know. McGonagall told us."

With his hand on his side, he slowly made his way over to the sofa.

"You shouldn't be out of bed. You haven't healed yet," she said, concerned, as she sprang up and helped him.

He couldn't suppress the moan that escaped as he sat down on the sofa. Ginny immediately pulled a blanket over him. "I'm ok." he mumbled hoarsely.

She sat down beside him and looked at him in concern.

"Am I forgiven for being such a prat the last time we were together?" he asked tentatively.

She nodded. "But don't ever push me away like that again!" she commanded before adding, "I'm glad you got your sight back."

Harry dropped his gaze. "It's my fault."

Ginny frowned. "What's your fault?"

Fear clenched his heart. He couldn't tell her; would hate him. He knew that Snape would never forgive him. "Never mind," he choked out.

"Harry, what happened at the chalet?"

"You know what happened. Dumbledore died," he whispered.

"How did it happen? He was such a powerful wizard. Why was he there? I thought the chalet was safe?"

Harry's throat closed andhe looked away.

"I'm sorry; I know this is really upsetting for you. It's just that, well, all we were told is that the headmaster is dead and that there was a Death Eater attack. Ron and Hermione were secretly told that it happened at the chalet that you all spent Christmas at. They told me and Neville and Luna."

He shook his head and managed to choke, "I can't."

He was so pale; his eyes so haunted that Ginny's heart ached just looking at him. She put her hand on his shoulder. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The black lashes rested on his pale cheeks. She leaned over and softly kissed his cheek. "Come". She leaned back and put a pillow on her lap and threw a blanket to him. His eyes opened and he made an attempt to smile. He took another deep breath and grimaced as once again the pain in his side flared. He lay back with his head on her lap. She stroked the disheveled black strands of his hair from his forehead. She didn't talk anymore; it was clear to her that it was too upsetting for him to think about that right now. They would all learn what had happened at the chalet when he was ready.

"Ginny, what are you doing down here?"

She looked up to see Hermione coming down the stairs. When she reached the bottom step she gasped upon seeing Harry.

She ran over to them. "Ron and I were going to sneak into the hospital wing to see you! What are you doing here?" she asked, sounding very worried.

"I didn't want to stay there," he replied as he sat up, grimacing again.

"You haven't healed; you shouldn't have left. Madam Pomfrey needs to watch over you," she lectured quietly.

"He wanted to be here!" Ginny countered.

Hermione looked exasperated. "But it's not…"

She was interrupted by Ron coming down the stairs. "What's going on?" He then spotted Harry. "What are you doing here? We were just going to go see you!"

Harry sighed. "I wanted to be with you all, but if I had known it would raise such a fuss, I wouldn't have come."

Ginny glared at the other two. "He was resting quietly until you two came."

Ron sat on the edge of the sofa. "How did Dumbledore die?"

Ginny quickly intervened,"He doesn't want to talk about it right now. Can you two just let him rest and _not_ inquisition him?"

Hermione frowned for a moment then gave Ron a meaningful nod. "Perhaps we should just go back to bed and leave Harry in Ginny's capable care. She'llmake sure he'salright and if he isn't she'll get Madam Pomfrey."

Ginny nodded and looked relieved. Harry didn't say anything but he gave Hermione a grateful nod. She kneeled in front of him, looking into his eyes. "We were so worried about you; we're glad you're alright." She hugged him tightly and quickly kissed him on the cheek.

Ron's hand came on his shoulder. "Glad to have you back, mate."

They both paused for a moment as Harry looked so tired and defeated. "Are sure you'll be alright here? We can take you back to the hospital wing," Ron offered.

Harry nodded, realizing that he must look awful for Ron to be so concerned. "I'll be fine," he quietly assured them.

"Harry, is Draco alright?" Hermione asked hesitantly.

"I have no idea. I don't even know where he is. Probably with Snape. You should probably go see him in the morning. He'll need his friends."

She nodded. She hesitated for a moment, wanting to ask him more questions but knowing he was too exhausted to deal with them at the moment. Throwing a concerned look at Ginny, who nodded in return, she then said goodnight to Ron and went back up the stairs.

Ron had also hesitated going up the stairs. Ginny rolled her eyes at him and, satisfied, he too went upstairs.

Harry looked at Ginny. "Thanks."

"Do you want to lie down again?"

He shook his head. "My side feels better when I'm sitting."

"Can I get you anything?" she asked. "Maybe some food or something to drink?"

He shook his head again.

"You should probably sleep." She tucked the blanket around him and put a big soft pillow by his side.

"What were you doing down here?" he asked. "I didn't think anyone would still be up when I came in."

She looked him in the eye. "Would you rather have been alone?'

"No," he responded softly.

She kept feeling that perhaps she had been wrong in her initial guess that he would talk about what happened when he was ready. She suspected thathe wanted to talk about it but somehow couldn't. "I was down here because I couldn't sleep. I really cared about the headmaster. I'll never forget how wonderful he was in my first year when Voldemort took me to the Chamber of Secrets. I can't imagine Hogwarts without him." Her voice grew thick and Harry saw the tears form in her eyes.

An overwhelming tightness formed in his own chest, slowly choking the air out of him. A strangled gasp escaped him as he tried to hold back the explosion in his chest.

Ginny had her hand over her face. The terrible guilt that possessed every fiber of Harry burst out in a jumbled sentence. "It's my fault he's dead. It's because of me. Snape said not to go outside but I went and Dumbledore came to help and because of me he's dead. If only I'dstayed inside this wouldn't have happened. Dumbledore would be here. He'd still be alive he'd still be the headmaster, he would still be in my…" His voice trailed off as tears coursed down his face. He brought his hands up to cover his face but not before he saw the utter shocked look on Ginny's tearstained face. He hoarsely whispered, "Draco was right; everyone close to me dies – usually because of me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.'

His shoulders were shaking as he struggled to gain control. Ginny's heart broke seeing him suffer so. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and dropped her face to his shoulder. "Shhh, it's going to be alright. It isn't your fault that Voldemort and the Death Eaters showed up. And why in the world would you listen to what Malfoy, that selfish arrogant git, says? How _dare_ he say something like that! It isn't true! Ron and I and Hermione and Neville and Luna and my brothers and parents are all with you and we're _fine!_" she reminded him angrily.

With a deep, shuddering breath he sat up, embarrassedly wiping at his face. She quickly grabbed his hands. "Stop, it's alright; everyone is crying - just about everyone here at Hogwarts loved him. You don't have to hide how you're feeling from me."

His green eyes were stark. "Snape said to stay inside, that the chalet was protected. As soon as he left I went outside. I wanted to get away from Draco and I wanted to scatter Hedwig's ashes. I wasn't thinking and because of that, he's dead."

She brought her hands up to cup his face. "Don't do this! Please, Harry; don't do this. Don't torture yourself. Just let yourself grieve like we all are but_ don't take the blame_."

His face dropped and he took another shaking breath. She kissed him softly. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I'm sorry."

"We all are!" she stated firmly holding him close.

* * *

Next Chapter: "the life you've left behind" Snape and Tonks talk. Ginny lashes out at Draco. Snape and Harry have an emotional encounter. Harry tells Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna and Ginny everything that happened.

Hermione forces Draco to deal with his confusion over Narcissa's death. Draco begs Harry not to tell Snape about the misdirected spell.


	45. The Life You've Left Behind

_**A/N:** Thank you for all those wonderful reviews – my muse and I love them!_

_I bought the 2 disc version of GOF and my muse was jolted into inspiration and hence this chapter is 4800 words long. The little 30-second scene between Emma (Hermione) and Tom (Draco) during the filming of the Yule Ball was so adorable it was much in my mind when I wrote my Draco and Hermione scene. _

_Welcome new readers who have read Solstice and have caught up here, thank you so much you make my muse dance!_ DracosNaughtyAries

Thanks all…** Dark Hiei11, samie-j0, ckat44, babysweet, Droxy, Melindaleo, Hedwig136, Delaine, starangel2106, supernova8610, lyss33, excessively perky, Sari5156, lauren, notaword, pancakes anyone (go on now-hula), Ravenclaw-heir, Vampire Queen, helloitsme-again, Catmint, chocolateobsessedsquirrell, HP freakout, Suvivor-Chick, ****DracosNaughtyAries****Persephone-Butterfly**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal"_

_Big thanks to Catmint for her wonderful beta skills!_

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 45: the life you've left behind**

Snape woke up the following morning with something tickling his nose. He opened his eyes to find his cheek resting against spiky, lavender-coloured hair.

His heart jumped in alarm.

Tonks sighed contentedly and opened her eyes. She smiled at him warmly. "Good morning."

Snape found his throat dry and managed to hoarsely return the greeting.

Tonks' hand came to rest on his chest as she regarded his anxious black eyes.

"Are you regretting that we did this?" she asked him softly as she brushed her lips against his. He seemed to relax a little at that point.

He cleared his throat and responded. "Not at all; are you?" His voice was back to being silky but there was just a hint of apprehension.

Tonks smiled. "How could I possibly have any regrets? You, Professor Severus Snape, are full of surprises. This was amazing. I've never felt closer or more connected to anyone." She stopped at that point, realizing that she was gushing.

He looked pleased and the usually cold black eyes actually shone with warmth. "Well, I've never…" His voice trailed off as his eyes suddenly widened with horror over what he had almost revealed.

Tonks lifted herself up propping herself on one elbow to regard him closely. "Severus, are you telling me that you've never – well – never made love?"

He sat up abruptly. "No, I didn't mean that." He stopped for a moment and sighed. "To an extent that is true. I never had sex with someone I cared for…before."

Inwardly Tonks leapt for joy. He had just, in a roundabout way, confessed that he cared for her. "Have you ever been in love?"

As soon as the words came out of her mouth she could see him visibly closing off from her. She immediately regretted asking the question. "Never mind, don't answer that. It's none of my business."

He looked at her intently then. "After what we have just shared, you have the right to ask that question. I - I just can't talk about that. It was a very painful period in my life. I did love someone and she died. We were never together like this."

"I'm sorry, Severus. I'm sorry you were hurt. I'm sorry life has been so difficult. I'm sorry you've been so bitter."

He looked at her again, this time with haunted eyes, but didn't reply.

"I'm very glad that you're in my life. And I'm very glad we spent the night together."

His hand came up to the side of her face and he softly stroked her cheek. His long, slender, pale fingers were callused at the tips and she shivered slightly at the sensation.

"I didn't hurt you? I was worried, after knowing what had happened to you. I wanted you to be sure."

She turned her head so she could kiss his palm. "You were wonderful. You _are_ wonderful." She smiled at him softly again as his lips twitched into a soft, yet devilish, smile as he leant forward to kiss her.

Later, as they lay in each other's arms, he sighed. "I wish we could just stay here. I wish we didn't have to get up and face what happened yesterday."

"No matter what happened, and what will happen, we have each other and Harry and Draco. Go easy on them, Severus. They're in pain, just like you."

He kissed her forehead in response.

* * *

Harry awoke in his own bed. Puzzled, he sat up, wincing at the pain in his side. He wondered how he had gotten into his bed, as the last coherent memory he had was of being with Ginny.

"Morning, mate," Ron greeted him, and came and sat on the edge of his bed.

Harry rubbed his forehead. "How did I get here?"

"Neville and I pretty much carried you up here. Ginny came and got us when you fell asleep. She didn't want you to wake up in the common room with everyone gathered around you."

He nodded and silently thanked Ginny.

Ron looked at him worriedly. "How are you feeling? Madam Pomfrey stopped by after we brought you up here. She changed your bandage and left you a potion. She said thatbecause you didn't take your potion when you were supposed to, you need to take it slow today."

"That's fine. I _am_ a little sore," He admitted quietly as he drank down the bitter-tasting liquid.

Ron looked uncomfortable but then looked at him and quietly asked, "So how did it all happen?"

Hermione, Ginny and Luna entered before he finished the sentence.

"Harry, how are you feeling this morning?" Ginny asked as she went over to him.

"Better."

"Can one of you get Neville? I don't want to have to repeat it all again."

Luna left the room to get him and came back within minutes with him.

"How were things at the chalet? You know, I mean with Snape?" Ron asked hesitantly.

"Er, fine really. I got my eyesight back – that was quite wonderful."

Hermione grinned. "We were all pretty gobsmacked when we heard. I'm so happy for you. How did it happen?"

He shrugged. "I'm not really sure. Draco was upset and was having trouble breathing. I was trying to calm him and apparently this white light came from my eyes and he was able to breathe again and then all of a sudden I could make out shapes."

Ron frowned in an effort to understand. "So you helped Malfoy and suddenly you could see again?"

Harry nodded. "Dumbledore said…" His voice trailed off for a moment as his throat closed. He cleared it as he looked into the anguished faces of his friends. "He said that, apparently, from healing Draco I also healed myself."

"What happened yesterday?" Neville asked timidly.

Ginny opened her mouth as if to protest but Harry spoke up. "It's okay, Ginny, really. You should all know the truth." He swallowed heavily. "It's my fault that Dumbledore died."

"It's _not_ your fault!" Ginny protested vehemently.

"Snape forbade us to go outside; he said it wasn't safe, but I wanted to scatter Hedwig's ashes, so I went. The Death Eaters and Voldemort came. Voldemort used the Killing Curse on Dumbledore."

"He vanished in a flash of red," Luna suddenly said dreamily.

Hermione coughed and managed to choke out, "The Killing Curse is green."

Ron didn't speak. When Harry glanced at him he saw a sheen of tears in his eyes.

All his friends were noticeably upset. The death of the headmaster affected them all. It was his fault.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. You went outside because of Malfoy!" Ginny spat.

"Malfoy? What he did he do?" Ron demanded angrily.

Harry shook his head. "It's not his fault. He was being an irritating prat but I'dsaid something to him I shouldn't have. He isn't the main reason I went outside – Hedwig was."

The room went silent until Ginny spoke up. "I'm going to go to the kitchens and get you something to eat. I doubt you'll want to eat in the Great Hall today."

"Thanks, Ginny."

After she left Hermione spoke up. "How did Professor Dumbledore get to be there?"

"I don't really know. Snape had gone to see him, so I guess Draco must have Flooed them or something before he came out."

"Draco went out?"

"Yeah. I was rather shocked too, considering…" His voice trailed off.

"Considering what?" Ron demanded.

Harry stayed silent.

"You can't tell anyone; none of you can," Hermione insisted as she looked at them all. "Draco - Draco was raped the last time he and Harry werecaught."

"_What_?" Neville exclaimed, obviously shocked.

"Actually, he wasn't. Snape had tests done on him. He thinks Draco is under a memory curse, so he thinks he was but he wasn't," Harry explained.

"Can it be broken?" Hermione asked, her voice was high pitched.

"I don't know. Snape wanted to try but Draco'stoo upset to let him. He's not being very rational. Er, there's something else you should know. Narcissa Malfoy was killed as well. I'm not quite sure how it happened but I think she tried to save his life."

Ron exhaled loudly.

"Hermione, do you think you could go and find him? I want to talk to him."

* * *

Draco ran up the stairs, stopping once he got to the top. His head throbbed painfully again. Grimacing, he rested it against the wall.

"What are _you_ doing here?" a voice hissed at him. He opened his eyes to discover the youngest Weasley glaring at him. She had just come up the stairs carrying a tray of food.

"Hey, Weasel, I need to speak to Potter. Let me into your dorm," he demanded.

"You evil, miserable git! I can't believe you would even have the nerve to ask that! Stay away from Harry!" She stepped closer to him, wanting nothing more than to slap that pale face.

"_You_ don't tell me what to do! Just give me the password and then go play in the Chamber of Secrets," he snarled scathingly - but took a step back as he did so.

"You're a bastard! How DARE you tell Harry that everyone close to him dies? Can you get any crueller?" She didn't wait for him to answer. "Once again you've proven yourself to be as cruel and callous as ever. Arrogant little heartless git! You'rea disgusting slimy excuse of a wizard!" She paused to take a quick breath. "If it's anyone's fault that Dumbledore is dead, it's _yours_; you drove Harry out of the chalet. _Anyone_ would have left to get away from someone as despicable as you! You are _worthless,_ Malfoy – _you_ should have been killed, not the headmaster! You don't deserve anything less!" she informed him fiercly.

She was so furious in her tirade against him thatshe didn't realize until she hadfinished how pale he had grown. His gray eyes were wide and stark. He looked as if he was going to be sick.

"What's going on here?" asked Hermione worred as she came through the door.

"Did you know thatMalfoy here told Harry that everyone around him dies? Now he wants to talk to him again! Do you realize that Malfoy is still the same malicious, vindictive, evil git that he's always been?" Ginny spat vindictively.

Hermione looked from Ginny's flushed angry face to Draco's pale one.

"Draco?"

"SOD OFF, both of you! Just stay out of my way!" he shouted hoarsely and quickly turned down the stairs.

"Ginny, Harry's not mad at Draco. Draco came out of the chalet to help him. Harry wants to talk to him," Hermione explained. "I don't know why he said what he said but you have no idea ofthe hell that he's been through and is still going through."

"And Harry _hasn't_ been through hell? He's supposed to be your friend. Your loyalty should be to _him_, not spent on protecting Malfoy, who doesn't deserve it," Ginny said stiffly.

Hermione's eyes flashed. "Harry is my friend and has been so a lot longer than he's been yours. If Harry can forgive Draco and be concerned about him, so can I!" she huffed and ran after Draco.

Ginny took a deep breath and for the first time that day a twinge of doubt entered her mind about Malfoy.

"Draco, wait!" Hermione shouted, running after the pale figure as he headed down the hallway. "Where are you going?" she asked breathlessly as she finally caught up to him.

He suddenly stopped but didn't say anything.

When he didn't turn around she grabbed his hand and pulled him into an empty classroom. His eyes finally came up to meet hers as he pulled his hand loose. The gray eyes were full of anger and resentment and something else she couldn't quite decipher.

"Your hand is so cold. Are you all right? How's your head?" she inquired concerned.

"Fine, although I'm sure your weasel friend would wish otherwise," he sneered unpleasantly.

"What she thinks doesn't matter. You've been through an awful experience yet again; you need your friends, so don't even _think_ of pushing me away!"

He looked at her with a mixture of suspicion and desperation.

"It's alright, Draco; you're back now and you're safe." She wanted more than anything to hug him and reassure him but his stance was cold and standoffish.

She sat down on one of the steps that led up to the professor's desk. "Can I get you anything? Have you eaten?"

"I'm not hungry," he said softly. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then sat down beside her.

"I was really worried about you when I heard what happened and when I saw you in the hospital wing."

He refused to look at her. "I'm fine now. Madam Pomfrey is giving me potions and the concussion is better."

"I'm sorry about your mum. Harry told us what happened."

He turned to her, alarm registering in his eyes. "What did he tell you?" he asked with an almost panicked tone.

"That you left the safety of the chalet to help him, even though Voldemort and your father were there. That he thinks your mother died saving you. That Voldemort fired the Killing Curse at Professor Dumbledore…" Her voice trailed off, having grown choked at the end. She took a deep breath. "It must have been awful seeing all that."

He looked away again but nodded. "I don't care about my mother. I hated her!" he said vehemently.

"Even after everything, though, she was still your mother," she said quietly comma hoping Draco would talk. She could tell he needed to; everything was bottled up inside him.

He responded savagely. "I wish she'ddied long ago! She didn't care; she didn't want me. I don't know _why _she did what she did but I wish she hadn't!" He jumped to his feet, tearing away from the hand Hermione had put on his shoulder. "I don't know what to feel! She didn't do it because she loves me! I hate her!"

His face was tortured, his eyes wild. Hermione got to her feet. "I'm sorry, Draco,"she gently told him and put her arms around him. He froze for a moment. She continued speaking. "I don't know for sure why she did it, either, but I'm glad she did. Maybe she finally realized what it is to be a mother, maybe after what Lucius did to you she finally felt a smidgen of guilt, maybe she she finally wanted to keep you safe. Maybe she didn't want you dead. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful to her for saving you!"

His arms then came around and clasped her so tightly she could barely breathe.

She held him for a few moments and then gently pulled back so she could look at him. He took a deep, shuddering breath but didn't look at her.

"Why did she have to do that? I could have just gone on hating her and now she does something like this and d-dies. I - I can't even ask her w-why…" His hands came up to cover his face as emotion overcame him.

She gently put her hands over his and tugged them away from his face. She pulled him back down to the steps. His expression was anguished and his gray eyes shimmered with pain. She clasped his hands in hers. "I'm so sorry."

He made an inarticulate sound as he attempted to pull his hands away. Tears spilled over and ran down his face. He tried again to leave but she stopped him. "Draco, please, let me help."

He buried his face in her hair as she hugged him again. He quietly told her of Narcissa's last visit. "She came to see me here at Hogwarts and I told her I hated her … I didn't want to see her … I made her leave…"

"Shhhhh, it's okay. None of that matters now. Everything is going to be fine."

When Draco stopped shaking, Hermione finally let him go and handed him a handkerchief. He angrily wiped at his face and blew his nose. When he finished his gray eyes looked into hers with puzzled shock.

What was wrong with him? He couldn't believe he had just cried into her hair. She looked at him with such understanding and warmth that his heart literally ached. He felt so close to her. He cleared his throat. "She told me that she didn't hate me." He choked out a laugh. "I guess she proved that."

"Oh Draco, I'm so sorry." She brought her hand up and brushed a stray hair from his face.

He hesitated for a moment then murmered, "Can you get me in to see Potter? I have to talk..."

She squeezed his arm and kissed his cheek. "I will, but you have to promise me that you'll get some rest and something to eat after."

He nodded and smiled hesitantly.

She took a deep breath. "Draco, you'regoing to need to go to her funeral. You need to forgive her and say goodbye."

The smile vanished and he shook his head. "NO! I'm not going and I don't forgive her."

She sighed heavily. "Think about it. Come on; I'll get you in to see Harry - but don't upset him."

* * *

Harry finished the food Ginny had brought him. She had had to leave for Quidditch practice along with Ron. Harry wished he could have joined them. He heard a noise at the entrance and looked up.

He sat up quickly. "Draco?"

He hesitantly walked into the room, nervously looking around.

"We're alone," Harry assured him.

The blond stood near Ron's bed, looking uncomfortable.

Harry felt compelled to speak. "Thanks for coming out to help when you did. I know how much guts it took to do that with Lucius and Voldemort there."

Draco snorted. "Courage isn't the sole trait of Gryffindors."

"Er, yeah, well, I just wanted to say thanks and, well, are you okay, you know with your mother…?" Harry's voice trailed off uncomfortably.

The blond shrugged nonchalantly but Harry could see that he was upset.

"What exactly happened to her?" Harry asked cautiously.

"She _died_!" Draco spat.

"I know, but how did it happen?"

"She jumped in front of the Killing Curse meant for me!" Draco almost yelled it.

"That's what I thought had happened. She saved you."

"Or maybe she just tripped," the blond sneered.

Harry frowned. "Just like my mum, she sacrificed her life."

"She wasn't like your mother. Not even close, I bet," Draco responded bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Harry said sincerely.

"I'm not. I don't care."

Harry didn't respond to that. He suspected Snape would talk to him about Narcissa's death. "Have you talked to Snape yet?"

Draco's gray eyes widened. "NO! Have you?"

"No." A curl of dread formed in Harry's stomach at the thought of facing Snape.

Draco's heart started beating rapidly. He had to convince Harry to not say anything. "_Don't_ tell him about the wand," he ordered.

Harry looked stunned. "We can't lie about that? It was an accident, Draco. You were trying to help him."

"You can't tell him!" The blond's voice escalated and his face flushed.

Harry shook his head. "This isn't your fault. Snape isn't going to blame _you_."

"I drove you out of the house and I disarmed the headmaster. He's d-dead because of me."

"I'm the one that didn't listen to Snape," the black-haired teen confessed quietly. "If I hadn't gone outside, none of this would have happened."

"Potter…Harry, please don't tell him." Draco looked at him almost desperately.

Harry knew that begging wasn't exactly an easy thing for the Slytherin to do. He sighed. "When are you going to get it through that thick skull that Snape loves you, no matter what? Don't lie to him – he doesn't deserve that."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"You're telling me to _lie_!" Harry reminded him.

"He was furious with me when he left. I disarmed Dumbledore; he's not going to forgive me. Please, Harry, don't tell him," he pleaded frantically.

"Fine. I won't tell him but you're wrong."

Draco cleared his throat. "I'm s-sorry for what I said."

Harry bit his lip. "Well, it was the truth. Dumbledore's death seals it."

Draco suddenly squeezed his eyes shut but didn't respond.

"I'm going to miss him." Harry choked out, his voice cracking slightly.

Seeing the Gryffindor lose control tore at Dracp; the lump in his throat grew, he took a shaky breath and fled the room. He raced down the stairs back to Lupin's rooms.

"Draco? What happened?" Lupin asked as the anguished-looking teen tore through the room.

"Leave me alone," came the sharp reply, as the door to the room in which he had spent last night slammed shut.

* * *

After Draco left, Neville came back from watching some of the Quidditch practice to keep him company.

Harry wished that he could enjoy having his sight back, wished he could be joking around with Neville, relatively worry-free. He wished he wasn't feeling this horrible, overwhelming guilt.

"Get out!" Snape suddenly entered the room, black cloak flying.

"H-how d-did you get in h-here?" Neville stuttered.

The cold black eyes regarded him and Snape sneered unpleasantly. "I turned into a fine mist, Longbottom, and then slid under the door."

Neville stood frozen, staring at him.

"Do I have to repeat myself? GET OUT!" Snape started his sentence in a silky menacing tone that increased in volume.

Throwing a worried look at Harry, Neville went downstairs.

"Potter, why did you disobey me and get the headmaster killed?" Snape asked in a barely controlled whisper.

Harry swallowed heavily. His throat suddenly feeling like sandpaper. "I'm sorry."

Snape sneered again, his black eyes flared with a rage that Harry had only ever seen once before – the day that he had looked into his Pensieve. His tightly-guarded control had cracked. The black-haired teen backed against the wall.

"You are _SORRY_? Always sorry _after_ the event, aren't you?" His face came close to the younger wizard. "You just couldn't stay in the chalet for the short time that I was gone. I warned you to stay inside – TWICE! But no, precious Potter is above the rules. You had to go outside and because of your actions, your total disregard of the rules and your lack of thinking, the man I admired most in this world is DEAD!"

"Severus, I-I-I'm sorry," Harry choked out again.

"You're _SORRY_?" Snape's black eyes blazed with even more rage as he lifted his hand to backhand the young Gryffindor. He stopped himself in the nick of time, hitting the wall near Harry's head instead.

Harry flinched but he looked at the enraged Potions Master with his green eyes full of guilt. He opened his mouth to speak but the Potions Master wasn't about to let him.

"The funny thing is, Harry, that while you were making your journey outside, the headmaster was speaking about you. How proud he was of you and what he planned to do to help you defeat the Dark Lord. He was caring about you while you thoughtlessly had nothing else in your head but going outside after you were _strictly forbidden_ from doing so."

The green eyes welled up with tears and Harry turned his head. "I loved him," he managed to gasp.

Snape realized at that moment that he had let his anger get the betterof him again. Potter looked awful. Snape closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hadn't meant to almost bring the boy to tears. He knew that Potter cared about Dumbledore, possibly even as much as he had. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and regarded the boy without speaking.

Harry was breathing hard, his back still against the wall. He kept swallowing, trying to rid himself of the enormous lump that had swelled in his throat. Everything that Snape hadsaid was the truth. He couldn't argue or defend himself. He couldn't feel any worse than he did right now. He lifted his tortured eyes to Snape and managed to choke out again in a guiltstricken voice, "I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry. I don't have anything else to say. I have no excuse. I did everything you said I did. I'm sorry."

Snape looked at him like a man tormented. Harry looked away, taking a long, shuddering breath. Snape hated him again just like he used to. He would never forgive him or care for him again. He gasped when suddenly a hand came to his shoulder.

The realization dawned suddenly on Snape. Nothing that happened now would bring back the headmaster. Dumbledore wouldn't want him to torment the boy even more that he was already tormented. It was obvious that Harry was grieving and in pain. Snape remembered a time last fall when Dumbledore had put his hand on his shoulder; he remembered the words he had spoken; "Be kind; everyone appreciates some kindness."

Snape had come to care for Harry. He had reached a point where he actually felt parental when looking upon the black-haired wizard. Harry needed his guidance, now more than ever. To place the blame on his already overburdened shoulders would be unquestionably cruel. Snape had spent most of his life being cruel; he had to stop now, had to honour the memory of the headmaster. Somewhere along this journey of getting to know Lily's son, he knew that he had come to love him. He put his hand on the shaking wizard's shoulder.

The green eyes came up to look at him in alarm. Wordlessly, Snape pulled him close. Harry remained tense, not knowing what to expect from the Potions Master who moments ago hadseemed to want to hit him.

Harry felt a compulsion to tell him what had happened. He left out Draco's part in it. When he came to the part where Dumbledore was hit by the curse and went over the side of cliff, his voice broke. Snape clutched him tighter and he could feel the Slytherin head-of-housetrembling.

After a few moments, Snape took a deep breath and brought his hand up to the back of the teen's head. "I know you didn't do it on purpose. I know you are blaming yourself." He sighed heavily again. "It will be all right. We will find a way to get through this together." He paused, taking another choked breath. "The headmaster was very important to me; he was the closest thing to a father, or rather what a father should be like, that I had ever known. I'm afraid that losing him made me lose my grip on reality for a moment. I shouldn't have lost my temper as I did."

Harry gasped again, feeling another wave of overwhelming guilt. Snape's voice was choked and hearing the emotion in it made Harry's heart clench in pain. "But it was because of me, because I didn't listen to you, that he's dead."

"Shush," Snape said quietly as he dropped his head down on the messy black locks. "You should have listened and you should have stayed inside but I can understand that after weeks of being blind and cooped up and in addition losing your pet, the lure of outside was stronger than my warning. I _do_ understand comma Harry. We will get through this together, you and I."

Harry allowed himself to indulge in Snape's embrace for a moment by burying his head in his shoulder as his eyes prickled. He mumbled out, "And Draco, I think he liked Dumbledore a lot more than he ever let on."

"Yes, I'm sure he did. The headmaster had a way of making one feel cared about, safe and trusted."

Harry's voice came, muffled. "How am I going to defeat Voldemort without him?"

Snape stiffened for a moment, thinking of the last conversation he had had with the headmaster. The memory of it hit him like brick and it settled uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't tell the boy about it now. He needed some time to recover from all that had already happened.

* * *

Next Chapter: **I've been alone all along** "Harry talks to Ginny. Draco almost drowns as an attempt is made on his life – Ron comes to the rescue. Snape talks to Draco." 


	46. I’ve been alone all along

_**A/N:** Thanks to those who have reviewed. This story is winding down, likely just another chapter or two._

Thanks all…** KateyMalfoy19, Baby Sweet, Black Mirror, Vampire Queen, Dark Hiei11, Melindaleo, supernova8610, wynnleaf, Droxy, lauren, Catmint, excessively perky, samie-j0, notaword, ****DracoMalfoylover113** **Sari5156,**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal"_

_Big thanks to Catmint for beta'ing for me._

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 46: I've been alone all along**

Hermione helped Harry catch up on his homework while the rest of Gryffindors were either playing Quidditch or watching it. Harry noticed that she kept looking at him anxiously. It irritated him to the point that he finally just blurted out, "_What_, Hermione?"

She blushed slightly. "Sorry. I'm just worried about you. Are you really all right?"

He shrugged before answering. "Dumbledore is dead because I went out of the chalet."

"I know you're feeling very guilty but you know Dumbledore cared about you very much. He wouldn't want you to feel like this."

The teen's green eyes lifted up to meet hers. "I know, but it doesn't change anything."

She grew quiet again, biting her lip. "Maybe…"

"Maybe what?" he asked curiously.

"Well, you know how past professors who have died end up as portraits. I know it's just their essence, but maybe it would be good for you to talk to him. Just to say how sorry you are."

Harry's stomach clenched. The thought of seeing Dumbledore as nothing but some paint on a canvas was disturbing. "I don't know…"

"Maybe you could go with Draco? I think he's very upset about this - more than he's letting on," she suggested softly. "Are you getting along with him?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah." He grinned sheepishly for a moment. "Hard to believe – me getting along with Malfoy. I - I care about what happens to him."

Hermione blushed again. "I do too," she admitted. "And we all care about you very much, Harry. Ginny especially, as a friend and on a different level. She's very protective of you. You should know that she really laid into Draco about what he said to you. She was very harsh and I understand that. If Draco was the same way he used to be, I would have joined her in blasting him, but she doesn't know what happened to him. He was very shaken by her words. Do you think you could talk to her so she goes a little easier on him?"

The thought that Ginny had tackled Draco on his behalf made his heart swell. Aside from Hermione and Ron, no-one had ever really cared enough to defend him like this. He had to suppress the urge to smile at Hermione's words. His thought went back to Draco.

"I'll talk to Ginny. Malfoy'sbeen an insufferable, cruel git for so long thatI'm sure it's hard for her to see him in a different light. She didn't spend time with him like you and I and Ron have."

She nodded. "I don't make any excuses for what he said – it was cruel - but I really don't think he meant it."

Harry shook his head. "He didn't. He was lashing out at something I said."

"He needs us," she stated softly.

Harry's stark gaze came up to meet hers and she felt a wave of guilt. She knew Harry needed her too. She leant over and enveloped him in a hug. "You know that I'm here for you if you want to talk or just do homework or whatever."

"I know, Hermione. Thank you." He hugged her back tightly. When he pulled back, his face was drawn tight and he winced at the pain in his side.

"If that pain doesn't go away you really need to go and see Madam Pomfrey."

He chuckled softly. "Fine; if it doesn't get better, I'll go."

* * *

In an effort to evade Snape, Draco left Lupin's rooms and headed for the Prefect's bathroom. He knew that it would be empty for at least an hour so he could take a relaxing bath while the Quidditch game was on.

He lay back with his head against the back of the tub. Every time he thought about talking to Snape he grew very cold and practically shivered. He closed his eyes and let the warm water and bubbles wash over him as he tried to relax for the first time in what seemed like forever. The scent of pine surrounded him and he pretended he was out walking through a forest. He smirked slightly - the forest was a deep green; Slytherin colours, of course.

Suddenly, before he had time to react, hands grabbed him and he was dunked under water. He swallowed mouthfuls of the green bubbly water. He opened his eyes but could only make out a dark shape through the water and bubbles. He struggled against the hands holding him by the throat. He managed to twist and loosen the grip but then the hands holding him under flipped him over onto his stomach, and with one hand gripping the back of his neck and the other pressing down on the small of his back, he found he couldn't move other than to flail his arms and legs. Panic overwhelmed him. He was completely vulnerable…like he had been when the Dark Lord… He flailed wildly one more time as water flooded his lungs and darkness started to enclose him.

Ron headed towards the Prefect's bathroom after being hit in the arm with a Bludger. It wasn't serious but Hooch hadreplaced him for the rest of the game. He was proud of himself. He had stopped three Ravenclaw Quaffler and he was sure that Gryffindor would win. McGonagall and the rest of the staff had let the game go on as scheduled. She said that Professor Dumbledore would have wanted it that way. Term was ending in just two days, right after Dumbledore's funeral.

Just before he got to the door of the bathroom, he saw a swirl of a black cloak round the far corner. Not giving it much thought, he entered the bathroom and suddenly noticed water all over the floor by one of the baths. He went over and much to his shock and horror found someone floating facedown in the water. He reached in quickly and pulled the boy out, realizing by the light-coloured hair that it was Malfoy.

He whacked him hard on the back and with great relief noted that the blond started coughing.

Draco sat hunched over, struggling to catch his breath while coughing violently and retching water. Someone covered him up with bathrobes. He glanced up and through the dripping strands of his hair he realized it was Weasley.

"What happened?" Ron asked, noticing the reddening marks on the Slytherin's neck.

But Draco couldn't answer. The memory of being held under somehow jumbled into the Dark Lord's hands on him and he found himself once again not being able to breathe.

"Calm down – you're fine now. Take some deep breaths."

He glanced up again to see Weasley's eyes wide and worried. Another bout of coughing shook Draco and afterwards he found himself wheezing.

"Come on." Weasley pulled him to his feet and helped him into the robe. He grabbed a towel and put it over his head. "You need to see Pomfrey."

Draco didn't pay attention as to where Weasley was leading him. The stone floors were cold under his bare feet and contributed to the shivering spells that overcame him. He observed they didn't encounter anyone else so he surmised Weasley was leading him through some not-often-used hallways.

"Mr. Weasley, what happened?" came Pomfrey's voice loudly.

"He almost drowned."

"Put him on the bed," she ordered as she went to grab some potions.

Draco couldn't lie down ashe was still coughing hard, fighting off memories of what the Dark Lord had done and trying to breathe. He put his hands over his face in attempt to shield himself from the world.

Ron felt a wave of pity for the Slytherin, especially after what Hermione and Harry had said had happened to him or what he thought had. He awkwardly reached out and patted the blond's shoulder. "I guess we'reeven now," he said quietly comma remembering back a few months when Draco had saved him after his unfortunate encounter with the Lanplashem plant.

"Please get Professor Snape right away," Pomfrey ordered. Ron threw one more look at Malfoy and hurried off.

Draco weakly protested but Pomfrey just held a potion up to her patient. "Take this."

He took it in his hand but after all the water he had swallowed he had no desire to swallow anything else. While Pomfrey was trying to persuade him to take the potion, he heard Snape's voice. "Is he all right? Weasley told me he almost drowned."

"Yes, but I need him to take this potion and he refuses."

Snape nodded, looking at his ward. "He's likely swallowed too much water." He took a vial out of his cloak. "Swallow this – it will help you expel the water."

Draco shot him a contemptuous look. In response Snape uncorked the vial, handed it to Madam Pomfrey, then grabbed Draco's nose, holding it shut, and forced the boy's head up. As Draco gasped for air, Pomfrey poured the contents of the vial down his throat. The teen sputtered and coughed. Pomfrey quickly placed a bucket in front of him as he threw up the rest of the water and the green bubbles from the bath. Snape patted him on the back.

Draco felt awful and shivered miserably. Snape took the first vial Pomfrey had given him out of his hand. He opened it and handed it back to him.

"Swallow it; it will make you feel better."

His ward obediently took it, obviously not wanting his nose clamped shut again.

Snape then took the damp robe off him and made him lie down so Pomfrey could scan him. Memories of being held in place washed over him again as he trembled and closed his eyes tightly. He flushed slightly over the embarrassment of Snape and the Mediwitch seeing him with no clothes on.

Snape's hand came to his forehead, gently brushing back the wet strands of hair.

His throat was gently probed. "Please turn over, Mr. Malfoy."

Gray eyes looked at Snape with alarm but the Potions Master nodded reassuringly. Draco rolled over slowly, shivering again.

Snape frowned as both he and Pomfrey saw the darkening bruise on the boy's lower back. It was in the shape of a handprint. Snape realized thatsomeone quite strong had held him down in order to attempt to drown him. There were also marks on the back of Draco's neck under his hair. Pomfrey scanned him and Snape looked at her anxiously.

She nodded reassuringly. "He's fine."

Inwardly, Snape expelled a deep breath. He was worried that perhaps Lucius had enacted his plan for real using one of the students in Slytherin who wasloyal to the Dark Lord.

Still shivering, Draco rolled over, pulling the blankets close to him. He looked at Pomfrey and managed to stutter, "A-am I all right?"

She looked at him sympathetically and patted his arm. "You are just fine. I suggest a bowl of warm porridge to fix you right up. I'll be back in a moment."

Snape handed him a warmth package and Draco lay back down, holding it tightly until his shivering finally stopped.

"Who did this to you?"

He shook his head. "I don't know; I was under water. All I saw was a dark shape."

"Do you suspect anyone?"

"Whoever he was, he was strong. I couldn't get loose." Draco's voice was still hoarse from all the coughing and the pressure on his throat.

"It could be one of your fellow Slytherins who may have been informed that you have switched sides. Or it could be a student who thinks you are responsible for the headmaster's death."

Draco paled.

"I'd like to hear what happened."

Haltingly, Draco told him the events of that night but left out what he had said to Harry and also left out how he had accidentally Summoned the headmaster's wand.

"Why did you disobey me?" Snape asked sternly.

"I couldn't just watch as Potter was killed," he responded quietly.

Snape sighed. "It was a very idiotic thing to do. You must have known once you informed us that we would act immediately?"

Gray eyes looked resentful. "I wasn't going to just sit there like some coward."

"It would have been wise, not cowardly. Instead of rescuing one, Professor Dumbledore had to concentrate on rescuing _both_ of you."

Another wave of guilt washed over Draco. "I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't mean for him to die."

Snape stayed silent for a moment. He wished that the headmaster hadn't prevented him from going. If he had showed up there, the focus would have been on him. If anyone had died it would have been _him_, not the headmaster. He swallowed heavily.

Draco's heart clenched when Snape didn't respond. He realized that he blamed him.

"How did Bellatrix die?"

"I don't know; all I saw was a white flash. I think it came from Harry," he replied haltingly.

Snape paled upon hearing those words. He thought back again to the last conversation he had hadwith the headmaster. He took a deep breath and turned his focus back on Draco.

"I am sorry about your mother."

"I'm not! I don't care that she's gone. Why would I? She never cared," the blond spat viciously.

"She gave her life to save yours. Even though it's hard to comprehend at the moment, somewhere inside of her there was a motherly instinct. I think hearing of your near-death beating last year, and hearing what was done to you this year, stirred up some sort of buried obligation to you. I am very glad that she was there."

He reached out and squeezed Draco's shoulder.

"What happens now?" Draco asked, looking up at him briefly.

"You finish your term. You stay with me. We will make it through this – all of us will," Snape vowed.

* * *

Ginny came back from the Quidditch game with her cheeks flushed and a smile on her face. It was obvious to Harry that Gryffindor had won.

She went to him and hugged him fiercely.

"Thanks, Ginny – I needed that," he murmured, remembering how Hermione had told him that Ginny had stood up to Draco on his behalf.

She sat down on the bed and proceeded to tell him all about the game. She realized when his face dropped that he would have loved to have played. "Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. Forget I said anything."

"No, it's fine. I love hearing talk about Quidditch. I'll be back on my broomstick soon. Maybe after I've spent time at the Dursleys for the last time, I can head out to the Burrow and we can play a game or two."

She smiled broadly. "I'dlove that, and I know Ron and the rest of the family would too."

"Well maybe not Percy," Harry added.

"He'll stop being a prat one of these days," she assured him.

"Ginny, I want to talk to you about Draco."

She wrinkled her face in an intense frown. "He's a cruel git and I don't understand how you can even have anything to do with him after what he said," she snarled.

"I said something to him that set him off. It was just a stupid argument. I don't hold that against him. I didn't go outside solely because of him; if he hadn't said it I would still have gone out. Ginny, he came out to help me."

"Big deal! He was probably just trying to get on Voldemort's good side again."

"NO!" he countered vehemently. "When we were captured the time before, Voldemort usedCruciatus on him. Then he almost raped him because Lucius was prepared to hand him over. When that didn't happen, Lucius, _his own father_, cursed him with some dark memory spell that has Draco believing he was – well, you know, assaulted. Draco is a mess. When Severus tried to convince him that it was all a dark spell and thathe wantedto try to get rid of it, Draco went crazy. He thinks Snape is trying to manipulate him like his father has done all these years. I know he's been a miserable git to you and Ron and many others, but please comma Ginny, don't provoke him; try to understand. He needs me and Hermione and most of all he needs Snape, but he won't allow himself to trust him."

Ginny's dark eyes had grown wide with disbelief. "So you'retelling me that even after believing that Voldemort assaulted him, he still went out to help you?"

"Yeah; I know it's hard to believe, but he did. We'veformed some kind of friendship. With Snape being his guardian, and acting like a guardian to me, it's like we're somehow almost brothers at times. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I want to help him."

Ginny shook her head, smiling softly. "Even after everything that has happened to you, you care about what happens to Malfoy."

Harry smiled back. "I have you and Hermione and Ron and a lot of others, I'm lucky." He leaned forward to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. He winced as his side gave another sharp stab.

Concerned, she pulled back. "You need to go and see Pomfrey."

"No, I need to kiss you some more," he replied mischievously.

She blushed slightly. "We can do that later; right now you need to go to the hospital wing."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine."

* * *

After ensuring that Draco was feeling better, Snape gave him a calming draught and left him fast asleep with Pomfrey watching over him.

He was heading back to the dungeons when Tonks came running towards him.

"I just heard about Draco. Is he hurt?" she asked anxiously.

"He'll be fine," he assured her.

"I'm going to go see him."

"Don't; he's asleep. He'll be that way for at least another hour," Snape explained.

"I just came from the chalet. Something doesn't add up quite right. We found the headmaster's wand over by Narcissa's body. Did either Harry or Draco explain how it got to be there?"

Snape shook his head, a frown marring his forehead. "Did she have it in her hand?"

"No. It was lying on the ground near her. Hestia'staking it and will test it for the essence of the last person who held it. She said she'd owl me as soon as she knew."

"Draco told me that there was a flash of white directed at Lestrange just before she died. He seems to think it might have come from Harry. It's very puzzling since the last time he had that white flash from his eyes, it helped Draco breathe and gave Harry his sight back."

Tonks pondered. "It doesn't make sense that this healing light could have killed someone."

Remembering Dumbledore's words, Snape quietly spoke. "Perhaps it isn't just a healing light."

* * *

Next Chapter: "**I've been living a lie"** Harry battles with the fact that Dumbledore is gone –he wants to see his portrait. Harry talks to Dumbledore. Draco offers comfort. McGonagall checks on the two teens. Tonks gets an unsettling message from an owl. Snape confronts Draco about the wand. 


	47. I've been living a lie

_**A/N:** Thanks to those who have reviewed. Yes there will be a __Solstice III sometime this summer. I will give a brief little peek ahead at the end of the next and last chapter. _

Thanks all…** acacia59601, fanficfan4life, KateyMalfoy19, supernova8610, Vampire Queen, samie-j0, Melindaleo, Droxy, Delaine, lauren, Catmint, NalaSnape, Baby Sweet, Black Mirror, okicantthinkofastupidpenname, notaword (thanks so much for that extra long review!), excessively perky, SBR, Sierra, tAmmie Snape, Dracomalfoylover113, sari5156 **

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me to Life"_

_Thanks so much to all who volunteered to be my beta. Catmint, who has beta'd for me before – most notably my Christmas stories last December - has gallantly volunteered and I am very grateful to her! Staporize, who has done a wonderful job of beta'ing most of this story in the past, may at some point return during Solstice III in the meantime I wish her all the best during this troubling time._

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 47: I've been living a lie**

Harry made his way slowly to the hospital ward with Ginny by his side. The pain in his side was bearable, unlike the ache in his heart. They quietly made their way in but didn't get far beforeMadam Pomfrey spotted him.

She immediately ushered him over to a bed. Harry stopped short, realizing that Draco was asleep in the next bed over. "Is he all right? What happened to him?"

She insisted thathe lie down first before she explained. Once she had Harry on the bed and had pulled the curtains around him she told him what had happened and assured him that Draco would be fine.

"Who did this to Malfoy?" Ginny asked.

"We don't know," she responded as she administered the potions to Harry's side, causing him to grit his teeth. "There now, that should heal up the rest."

After she left to return the rest of the potion to her office Harry continued discussing the situation with Ginny. "I didn't realize he was in so much danger right here at Hogwarts."

She sat down on the edge of his bed. "I'm not surprised; he's made a lot of enemies over the years. _You_ may have forgiven him, Harry, but he's been a nasty git to a lot of people."

Harry shook his head. "I don't think this comes from his behaviour over the years. I think this is from someone who knows he's not loyal to Voldemort anymore. They probably wanted to ingratiate themselves to Voldemort by killing someone they perceive as a traitor."

Ginny frowned. "Then you'rein danger too. They'd ingratiate themselves all the more if they delivered you to him so he could kill you."

Harry grew thoughtfully quiet for a moment. "You're in danger, as well then. They'll know they can get to me through you."

She snorted angrily. "We're _all _in danger - Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna…

For that matter, _anyone_ who opposes Voldemort. Don't just single _me_ out!"

Harry looked at her intently. "But you and Luna are only fifth-years and you're the one that I…" He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"That you what?" she probed, her dark eyes sparkling mischievously.

He grinned awkwardly as he felt heat rising to his face. "All right! You're the one I fancy."

_Finally!_ She thought to herself in amused exasperation._ It took him long enough!_ She leaned in for a kiss, which Harry gladly gave. After a few moments of snogging, Harry reluctantly pulled back.

"Seriously, Ginny. We probably shouldn't be seen together. I've already lost Sirius and Dumbledore – I couldn't handle losing you, too."

"I can take care of myself, Harry."

"Still…."

"No, Harry. Listen to me. Ever since the danger to you has been growing stronger, I've been practicing and working on my talent. McGonagall'sbeen helping me."

"What talent?" Harry asked suspiciously.

She glanced outside of the curtain to make sure that no one was around and that Malfoy was still asleep. Then she pulled her feet up on the bed and crouched in front of Harry. She closed her eyes tightly and concentrated deeply.

Harry opened his mouth to ask what she was trying to do but all that came out was a gasp as, suddenly, crouching on his bed was a striking tiger. It licked its lips.

He managed to choke out, "Nice kitty."

The tiger stepped close to Harry and with a swipe of its deep pink tongue licked the side of his face. He couldn't help laughing and brought his hand up to scratch Ginny behind the ear. She purred deeply.

Suddenly they heard a startled yelp just before the curtain was pulled aside to reveal Draco standing there looking shocked, holding out his wand.

The sight that met him was certainly nothing like what he had been expecting. The youngest Weasley sat quietly on the bed, facing Potter, who looked at him, startled.

"Draco? Is everything all right?"

"I-I-yeah, I guess so," he stammered. When he had awoken he could have sworn he had seen a silhouette of a large cat behind the curtain. He shook his head. "I thought I saw something but I must have been dreaming." He missed the wink that Ginny threw at Harry.

"Well, I'd better go and start packing. We all have to leave after the memorial to the headmaster tomorrow." She kissed Harry softly as Draco turned away, sneering.

"I don't know what you see in her," he said to Harry with a rather unpleasant note to his voice.

Distracted, Harry responded, "You don't need to." The mention of the memorial for Dumbledore weighed heavily on Harry. He felt so many regrets, so many things that had been left unsaid. So much guilt over his careless actions. Hermione was right - he needed to go to the portrait.

He gingerly got up, checking first to make sure his bandage was in place.

"Are you leaving?" Draco asked. "Pomfrey won't like that."

"I need to see Dumbledore's portrait." He took a step towards the door and then remembered Hermione's words. "Do you want to come?"

The blond Slytherin looked alarmed. "No," he replied without hesitation.

Harry gave him a knowing look and nodded before slowly heading out the door.

He realized when he arrived that he didn't know the new password. It was likely that McGonagall had changed it. He mumbled the old one and was surprised that it let him in. When he arrived at the top he knocked. When there was no answer he entered. Everything looked much the same - with one glaring exception. Fawkes was missing. His heart gave another painful jolt. With great reluctance he looked up at the walls at all the familiar portraits until he came to the one he had come for. He bit his lip painfully. He had half-heartedly held out a slight hope that it wasn't real. That it hadn't really happened. Dumbledore wasn't really dead. He couldn't be. The greatest, most powerful wizard of the light couldn't be dead. He had always thought that Dumbledore would go quietly in his sleep fromold age, not like this – his life taken by an evil wizard so unexpectedly. Yet there he was, slumbering peacefully in an elaborate frame.

Harry painfully cleared his throat. "Pro-Professor? Professor Dumbledore?"

There was no response; the former headmaster kept sleeping. Taking a deep breath, Harry sat down on the floor in front of the portrait. "Er, it feels strange being here like this. I would much rather have talked to you in person, but of course if you were really here I wouldn't need to. I wish I'dlistened to Snape." He paused for a moment, wishing almost expecting the headmaster to correct him by gently saying, "Professor Snape", but there was silence. "What happened was my fault. I didn't stay inside where I was protected. I endangered myself and Draco and you. I wish you were still here."

He laughed bitterly. "You'd think that after Sirius I would have learned to stop and think, but I was angry at Snape for treating me like a little kid and I wanted t-to say goodbye to Hedwig. I just didn't think thatbecause of all that – I would have to say goodbye to you too." He glanced up at the headmaster's portrait again – the old wizard still slumbered. Harry sniffed, bringing his hand up over his face. "I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to me. I never told you how much I appreciated you always being in my corner, defending me, protecting me. You were like the family I never had, like a grandfather." He tearfully looked up again. "I'm so sorry! Please just say something!" His anguished voice rang through the room, causing the other portraits to speak out, "Quiet, boy; show some respect. Professor Dumbledore needs his rest."

The guilt and emotion overwhelmed him and he found the tears running unchecked down his face. He kept wiping them away but the tightness in his chest grew until the despair just burst out and he found himself choking on harsh cries.

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, startled, to find Draco beside him. The blond's face was drawn tight and his eyes shimmered. Harry succumbed to the uncontrollable grief and once again dropped his head into his hands.

Despite Madam Pomfrey's objections, Draco had slowly paced the hospital wing. He felt exceedingly nauseous at the thought of visiting Dumbledore's portrait. He was afraid he might hear what a disappointment he was but at the same time he had an overwhelming feeling that he should go there. The headmaster's words kept echoing in his head: "A little bit of compassion goes a long way." He would honour the headmaster by making him proud. He knew thatPotter was suffering - maybe he should go be a friend. But he didn't want to face his own guilt over what had happened. Maybe he could go just for a moment, tell the headmaster how sorry he was and be there for Harry. Under no circumstances, however, did he want to crack in front of Potter again. Taking a deep breath, he pulled on the robe that Snape had brought him and headed out the door. His hand tightly clasped his wand. No one would ever catch him off-guard again.

He realized that McGonagall, for sentimental reasons, must have not changed Dumbledore's password, because he was able to go up. When he entered the room he froze as he heard Harry pleading with the headmaster to say something. Draco looked up at the slumbering wizard and felt his throat constrict. Not until Harry completely broke down did he feel compelled to move. He couldn't say anything to him but he put a shaking hand on his shoulder. He had never felt closer to his former enemy than he did at this moment, somehow bonded in guilt and grief. He sat there squeezing Potter's shoulder until the black-haired wizard took a deep, shaky breath and wiped his face.

"He won't talk to me."

Draco responded hoarsely, "Maybe after they d-die they need some time before they can wake up."

"Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me; maybe he can't forgive me," Harry said quietly.

Draco lifted his eyes reluctantly to the portrait and spoke so softly that_ it_ was barely a whisper, "Professor Dumbledore, I'm sorry for my part in this. I wanted to help; I didn't mean for…" He stopped and fearfully looked around at the other portraits.

Harry realized that Draco was so desperately trying to hide the accident with the wand from Snape that he was afraid thatif he said it out loud, one of the portraits would tell Snape.

Dumbledore slumbered on, apparently also unmoved by Draco's remorse.

"Remember that nightmare I had after we were captured? After Voldemort showed his prophecy of the future? Everyone I cared about had died and spoke to me from their portraits. Professor Dumbledore was one of them. Voldemort's vision is coming true. He'skilling everyone one by one." He looked directly at Draco. "You just came close to losingyour life."

"But I didn't, thanks to Weasley," he whispered. "He can't win."

The door to the office opened and Professor McGonagall walked in. Her heart almost split seeing the two devastated teenagers on the floor in front of Albus' portrait. "Harry, Draco. Neither of you should be sitting here on the cold floor. Professor Dumbledore wouldn't want this. He loved you both and he was so proud of both of you."

Harry shook his head. "He won't talk to us."

She looked at the devastated boy and sank down, putting an arm around his shoulders. "Harry, this isn't unusual. Portraits sometimes sleep for weeks after the passing. Don't take this to heart; it means nothing. Remember, though, both of you, that portraits only capture an essence; you will not have Professor Dumbledore back as he used to be." Her voice caught during her last sentence and the usually stern and in-control professor's eyes welled up. She gained control again and put her arm around Draco also. "Come up from the floor now, both of you."

She helped Harry to his feet and gently hugged him, patting his back. "It will be all right, Potter. The best way you can pay tribute to the headmaster is by staying focused. Professor Dumbledore always said the greatest gift you have is your capacity to love, despite all the tragedies you have experienced. Remember that. Don't lose hope and especially not love." She squeezed his shoulder. "Now go and rest or Madam Pomfrey will come and hunt you down."

"Do I have to go back to the hospital wing?" he asked hesitantly, knowing what the answer would be but not wanting to hear it.

"Yes, but just for an hour or so until the wound has fully healed. You have to stay still long enough for the potion to work."

She then hugged Draco to her and patted his back. "I've gone to check on you twice; the first time you were asleep in Professor Lupin's rooms and the second time in the hospital wing. Are you sure you don't remember anything about the person who did this to you?"

"I don't know who it was," he said, sounding very subdued.

"I'm sorry about your mother."

"I'm glad she's dead," he responded hatefully.

Harry frowned. The way the Slytherin kept saying that to anyone who listened made him doubt that Draco was as glad as he let on. He threw his head of house a concerned look.

"Harry, why don't I call one of your classmates to take you back to the wing? I'd like to talk to Draco for a few more minutes."

"I can go by myself."

But she had already gone to the fireplace and Flooed Ron. He showed up within a minute and lightly slapped Harry on the back. "Come on mate."

McGonagall turned to her ward. "You know, Draco, I remember your tears last Christmas over your mother signing away her rights to you."

He flushed pink and protested. "It wasn't because of her!"

She held up her hand, shushing him when he obviously wanted to argue. "I know you are not glad that she is dead. You are angry, hurt and likely a part of you hated her, but Draco, she was your mother and she gave her life for you." She said the last part of the sentence gently.

He shook his head. "I didn't have any feeling left for her. W-when she came to me after…after what the Dark Lord did to me, I told her to leave. I didn't want her in my life!"

McGonagall shook her head in sympathy. "I see. It seems that younow have regrets that you didn't allow her to stay and talk to her. You didn't know thatthat would be the last opportunity for you to talk to her, to give her an opportunity to make amends of a sort."

"Nooooooo!" he protested, backing away from her.

"I don't mean to upset you." She went to him again and put her arms around him, waiting for the tension to leave his body. Eventually he hugged her back. In the last seven months she had been more of a mother to him than his own mother ever had been.

She kept talking quietly. "When you are ready you will need to do some soul-searching perhaps you will be able to forgive her and let all the pain of the past go. Don't hold it all in, Draco."

* * *

A knock came on the door and Snape lifted Loki up from his lap to answer it. Tonks came in, andshe seemed very agitated.

"What's happened?" he asked, concerned.

"I just received an owl. The tests came back. Apparently the last person to touch the headmaster's wand was Draco. Did he mention anything to you about that?"

"_Draco_? Are you sure?" Snape asked, scowling.

"Yes. The tests are conclusive," she assured him.

"Perhaps the headmaster dropped the wand before he fell and Draco picked it up, meaning to bring it with him," the Potions Master mused.

"Except thatwhen we arrived on the scene, Draco was virtually collapsed by his mother's body. He had that concussion. I hardly doubt that he was in any condition to retrieve the wand," Tonks surmised.

"Could he have Summoned it after he saw the headmaster die."

She nodded. "That's a possibility."

"I'll talk to him."

"Tread gently, Severus," she warned him.

For a moment she reminded him of the headmaster. He had always told him to be gentle or patient but usually it applied to his dealings with Potter.

He leant down and kissed her forehead. "I _can _be gentle."

She blushed softly, making his heart leap.

* * *

Snape found Draco in the headmaster's office with McGonagall. The headmistress left to give them some time alone together.

Draco looked hesitantly at his guardian but Snape was looking at Dumbledore's portrait with so much anguish that he looked away as a rush of guilt swept over him.

After a moment Snape came to stand in front of him. "How are you feeling? You really shouldn't be running around the castle yet."

The blond shrugged off his concern. "I'm fine."

"Draco, the headmaster's wand was discovered beside your mother's body. Do you remember how it came to be there?"

The blond blanched. Snape looked at him more intently. This question was obviously making his ward rather nervous. "Draco?"

"I don't know. M-maybe my mother Summoned it."

Snape frowned. "Did you at any point touch it?"

"No!" he stated vehemently.

Snape felt a little nauseous. He said gently, "You know you can tell me anything. How did the wand end up near your mother?"

Draco looked nervous but shouted, "I already told you, _I don't know_!"

"Why are you lying to me?" he asked more firmly but keeping his voice gentle. Draco was becoming more agitated by the minute.

"Test were run on the wand; the essence of the last person who held it was proven to be you. Will you tell me what happened?"

His ward's eyes widened with fear. He bit his lower lip.

"Draco, you can trust me. I know how much you've grown to care for the headmaster."

Guilt clogged his throat. Snape would hate him.

"I'm waiting."

He took a deep breath. There was no way out. He was sure thatif he didn't explain, Snape would just do Legilimens on him. "I'm sorry, Severus. I really didn't mean for any of this to happen. It's all my fault. I–I practically goaded Potter into going outside. It's my fault that he went, that's why I went out. M-my father pointed his wand at Dumbledore. I tried to Summon it but I stepped backward and tripped over my mother's arm. I-I accidentally got the headmaster's wand. I didn't mean to, I didn't want him dead. I know I told you last year that I wanted him dead but you have to believe me; I didn't – not anymore. I'm so sorry." His voice was tight and choked by the end.

Snape exhaled loudly. "Why didn't you just tell me that? Why lie to me?'

Draco shrugged, and avoided looking at his guardian.

"First of all, the headmaster was very skilled at wandless magic. You accidentally Summoning his wand did not lead to his death. Secondly, when I last spoke to Harry, he was worried about you so he apparently forgives you for whatever you said."

Draco nodded. Snape went to put his arm around him but the younger wizard backed away.

Snape's heart ached painfully. "I was hoping you would spend the summer with me. I'm starting to see, however, that you would apparently rather not. I know Professor McGonagall or Professor Lupin would be happy to have you spend the summer with them. I don't understand why, after all that has happened, you refuse to trust me. I always have hadand always will have your safety and best interests at heart. For some reason, however, I have lost your trust."

Draco looked at him, alarmed. "I-I trust you."

Snape looked devastated and sadly shook his head. "You have proven time and time again that you _don't_ trust me. It started before Lucius' beating. You didn't trust me enough to come to me when you received the letter. You almost died because of it. When you had all the nightmares you didn't confide in me or let me help you. When Zabini goaded you – you didn't tell me. You took Pepper-Up and you drank Firewhisky, almost killing yourself in the process. When you accidentally put the Cruciatus on me during the Occlumency lesson you ran like a rabbit, thinking that I would hurt you. That led to you and Harry being captured by the Dark Lord. When you thought you had been raped, you didn't tell me. Worst of all, you refuse to believe me when I say that Lucius inflicted his own memory on you and despite all the tests you still believe you were raped. I'm trying to help you and you repeatedly push me away as if you are fearful of me and I am the enemy, not to be trusted. And now you've tried to lie to me again. I am a strict guardian but if you don't know by know how much I love and care about you, then perhaps I am the wrong main guardian for you. Perhaps it would be better this summer for both of us if you spend time with one of your other guardians."

Draco's throat had closed over Snape's words. He wanted to tell him thathe was sorry. He wanted to tell him that he loved him. He wanted to tell him that he wanted to spend the summer with him. But something inside of him balked and prevented him from assuring Snape that he was family. Instead, all he managed to choke out was, "I'll be seventeen in two days; I don't want or need any guardian."

"You are in incredible danger. You must be with a guardian," Snape stated, his voice tight with emotion. His eyes were haunted and sad.

"I'll think about it," Draco whispered.

Snape took a deep breath and attempted once more to reach out. "Draco?"

The blond, however, backed away again.

Snape nodded and slowly walked out of the room. His usually stiff shoulders slouched with sadness and worry. Professor Dumbledore's funeral was tomorrow and he had lost Draco. He was a failure.

* * *

Next Chapter: "**Without a soul"**. The headmaster's funeral, an unexpected delivery, Snape reveals his last conversation with Dumbledore to Harry. Harry ends the school year with a dark soul. Harry however through Ginny finds one small bit of happiness through a little miracle. Draco and Hermione argue. Draco leaves Hogwarts early. 


	48. Without a Soul

_**A/N:** Thanks to those who have reviewed – I SO enjoy reading how you feel about the chapter and the characters. I am SO VERY SORRY this chapter is much later than I ever intended. I was actually planning on updating within a week after the last one but then things got in the way. My PC is still having problems and freezes rather frequently. I injured my arm. I've been overworked on the job and then have so much to do at home. Feels like life is running away at the moment…but things are slowing down and although my arm hurts like &( I was determined to finish this last chapter in Solstice II. Be sure to read sneak peek into Solstice III at the end of this chapter and let me know what you think. HAVE A GREAT SUMMER ALL! _

Thanks all…** Melindaleo, Dracomalfoylover113, samie-j0, NalaSnape, okicantthinkofastupidpenname, Rosaleen, Cartergal131, lauren, Catmint, excessively perky, Lyss33, Baby Sweet, supernova8610, Lady Brigitte, Ravenclaw-heir, Sari5156, notaword, Droxy, perfectpureblood (don't worry –in case you can't tell by how much I torture him-I adore Draco), lysjknopp(thanks so much-I'm still in denial about the ending of book 6, the one shining light for me was that Draco-turned ever so slightly), ****DebsTheSnapeFan** **The song of the black swan, waljhfwaehful**

_This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me to Life"_

_Thank you to my beta Catmint. She does a remarkable job and I'm sure rolls her eyes every so often at my repeated errors. Sigh…grammar has never been my strong point and rarely sticks in my brain. Big thanks also to her many amusing comments. Without Catmint - Circe would be mowing the lawn and Draco would be rusting LOL!_

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

**Chapter 48: Without a Soul**

After his encounter with Snape, Draco sat for a long time in the headmaster's office staring at Dumbledore's portrait. He felt choked, tears welling up in his eyes. He dropped his head into his hands and drew his knees to his chest. He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He loved Severus Snape; he was his family. He remembered how Severus had held him after he had told him what the Dark Lord had done. He was always there for him. Others may see the stern Potions Master as someone cruel and to be feared but Draco knew how kind and gentle he could be. He knew that Severus loved him, thought of him as a son. Would always be there to support and help him. But with everything that had happened, he felt so horribly detached and alienated from everyone and everything. Severus would do what he _thought_ was best for Draco but not what necessarily _was_.

He wished he could leave everyone at Hogwarts behind for a while. Maybe McGonagall was right – he needed to do some soul-searching and get his life on track again. He hadn't meant to hurt Severus, he didn't want to be alienated from him, but he didn't know how to fix it. He couldn't help the way he had been acting. His nights were haunted by nightmares; his days were full of confusion, anger and self-doubt. He glanced up at the portrait again and whispered, "What should I do?" But the portrait slumbered on. Dejected and heartsick, Draco went back to Lupin's rooms to spend the night. He couldn't look Snape in the eye if he went back to his old room.

* * *

Harry trudged along silently beside Ron. Dumbledore's funeral was tomorrow and then until his 17th birthday he would have to stay with the Dursleys – not much to look forward to.

Ron kept glancing at him with a worried look.

"I'm all right, Ron," he assured him quietly. He knew he must look like hell after having broken down like he had in front of the portrait.

"What did Dumbledore say?" Ron asked hesitantly.

There was silence for moment as Harry's heart clenched. "Nothing. He slept and never woke up."

"I'm sorry, Harry. Maybe another time," the redhead tried to reassure him.

Harry nodded and no more words were spoken as they made their way to the hospital wing.

MadamPomfrey immediately ushered him on the bed and applied another dose of healing potions to his side as she chastised him for leaving. Harry had expected to be only be there for another hour but he was so tired from the day's events he fell asleep and stayed overnight.

The following morning proved to be a beautiful, sunshine-filled day. It was heartbreaking knowing that Dumbledore wasn't alive to enjoy it. Not that many at Hogwarts would. All from the Ministry of Magic were there, as were the centaurs, goblins and various magical folk. Hagrid continually had his face buried in a large, bright orange handkerchief. Professor McGonagall looked aged and drawn while Lupin gaunt and stark.

Harry felt rather ill, his feeling of guilt still strong weighing down his already heavy heart. He glanced up to see Snape by himself – tall, slender, his frame stiff. The expression on his face was tight, his eyes expressionless. He looked at no-one but silently went and sat down beside Filtwick and Trelawney. As McGonagall started speaking, Harry found himself blocking her out. His mind instead wandered to all the talks that he and headmaster had had. He looked at the heavens sending out a silent message of how much he would be missed and how grateful he was to have known him.

Ginny's hand closed over his. He glanced over at her and she gave it a reassuring squeeze. He sighed softly; somehow the warmth of her hand kept him from wanting to scream at the craziness of his world. Hermione sat on the other side of him. She kept anxiously glancing around and Harry realized thatshe was looking for Draco. He glanced over to the Slytherins but the light blond head was missing.

Draco stood back amongst the trees that sheltered the old graveyard. He didn't want to be with the rest of the student population. His pale eyes lit upon Snape; he sat frozen, not moving a muscle. He wondered why Tonks wasn't sitting with him but then he realized that she was sitting with the rest of the Aurors in a show of grief and respect. He glanced at Hermione, who at that exact moment looked over at him. She waved discreetly for him to come down but he shook his head. She turned reluctantly back to the service.

Draco stood and listened but felt nothing but numbness. The man who had protected him and had helped him on a number of occasions was gone. There was nothing he could do to turn back the clock…to prevent Harry from going outside to prevent accidentally Summoning the headmaster's wand. It was all too late. When the service end he turned back towards the castle.

"Draco, wait!"

He paused amongst the trees. Turning back, he saw a girl with bushy brown hair heading his way.

"Why didn't you come down?" Hermione asked, sounding worried.

He shrugged. "Perhaps because I didn't want to."

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Yes," he answered curtly.

She sighed and just stared at him with an annoyed look.

He broke eye contact, feeling guilty for being so short. "Really, I'm fine," he assured her softly. "I just didn't feel like being amongst all my classmates knowing that one of themwanted to kill me."

"Well, at least you'll be safe with Professor Snape during the summer."

"I'm not spending the summer with Snape."

"_What?_! Of course you are!" she responded. clearly horrified.

"I'm going to be seventeen tomorrow. I don't need a guardian."

Hermione looked highly agitated. "Where are you going to stay? _Please_ tell me you aren't planning on staying at Malfoy Manor? You wouldn't be safe. Your father would find out andso would Voldemort. Draco, _please_ stay with Professor Snape or one of the others."

"Calm down. I have no intention whatsoever on staying at the manor."

"Where then?"

He didn't want to admit that at this point he had no idea where he was going. He opened his mouth and blurted out, "London."

"London – _Muggle_ London?" she shrieked in disbelief.

"Yeah; Muggle London," he confirmed, suddenly feeling quite nauseous at the prospect.

"You don't know how to live like a Muggle – you of all people _abhor_ Muggles!"

"Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I can't live amongst them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them."

"_They_ might hurt _you!_ You don't understand; you could get mugged…"

Draco snorted gleefully. "Mugged by a Muggle. How quaint."

"Be serious. You'd stick out like a sore thumb."

He sneered. "I'm quite capable of taking care of myself."

"Did you ever take a single class of Muggle Studies?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Doesn't matter; I am a wizard, after all, and I'll be able to use my wand."

"You don't know how to use a phone, a stove, a fridge, take the Tube, bus – you'd be like a newborn. How will you live? You don't have Muggle money. Are you going to get a job? Rent a flat?"

"I'll have access to my money in two days. I can convert it at Gringotts. I am a Slytherin, remember – I'm quite resourceful."

"At least let me help you set up, then. I can come into London once a week to help you. You'll have to get a phone so we can talk and you can call me if you need me. You can't do any magic in front of Muggles, you'd be in terrible trouble – especially with the Ministry of Magic."

"I don't _need_ help; apparently you seem to think that I'm some helpless idiot!" he snarled, feeling very affronted.

She wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to him. "Take it. It's my phone number. I care about you – you should know that by now." She turned and walked away.

He looked down at the paper in his hand. Her name was on it and a bunch of numbers. Suddenly he realized how stupid he had been. He could have had Hermione with him for part of the summer – after he figured everything out. His heart lightened again when he looked at the paper in his hand. As soon as he figured out how to use one of those Muggle contraptions he would contact her. Maybe this summer wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

Harry had gone off by himself for while. Ginny understood his need to be alone. She walked back slowly to the common room, thinking of the headmaster. When she had been possessed by Voldemort in her first year and had done those awful things she had been absolutely terrified, thinking that she would be expelled, but the headmaster had been kind and reassuring. She felt sick knowing that he was dead at the hands of Voldemort and that Harry felt responsible. Things weren't supposed to go that way. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she ran full tilt into Filch. He looked at her, shocked.

In his arms he had a basket. Ginny gasped as she looked inside. Mrs. Norris lay there comma surrounded by four fluffy kittens. One golden tabby like herself, one ginger one that looked remarkably like a small version of Crookshanks, one coal-black one and one that took Ginny's breath away – a tiny silvery-white kitten that reminded her of Hedwig.

"That blasted cat of Snape's and that ginger one belonging to one of the students seduced my poor Mrs. Norris. Now she's got all these kittens I have find homes for." Filch complained.

"I'll take the silver and giner," she immediately offered.

He looked at her suspiciously. "What are you going to do with them?"

"Give them a good home," she answered sincerely.

"Can I visit them?" he asked almost pleadingly.

She nodded. As miserable as Filch was, his one redeeming feature as far as she could tell was his love for Mrs. Norris and his obvious concern for her offspring.

"They're both girls. The silver one's the runt," Filch said as he carefullyhanded the small fluffy bundles to her.

Ginny walked back to the tower with the two little purring kittens. The minute she walked in, she was swarmed by cat-loving schoolmates. Hermione and Ron's eyes widened especially upon seeing the small silvery-white one.

"When did you get them?" Ron asked incredulously.

Ginny grinned. "Mrs. Norris had kittens."

"_What_?" Hermione asked in disbelief.

"Bloody hell, she's _ancient_!" was Ron's comment.

"Apparently not that ancient."

"The little ginger one looks like Crookshanks." Hermione smiled as she cuddled his purring daughter.

"She'shis daughter. Filch was cursing Crookshanks and Snape's cat.There are two more kittens: a golden tabby and a black one."

"The ginger, the black and the tabby make sense but this silver one…" Hermione pondered.

"I know; it is rather bizarre. She looks like a feline version of Hedwig, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Ron agreed as he very gently petted the little fluffy head.

"She's a miracle. I'm going to give her to Harry," Ginny stated.

Hermione smiled warmly at her. "That's a wonderful idea. I think he'll really love her."

Ron nodded.

"I'm keeping the ginger one to take home to the Burrow. I've always liked Crookshanks and it's time I had my own pet."

"What are you going to name her?"

"I don't know yet; if anyone has any ideas, let me know."

"What's Filch going to do with the other two?" Hermione wondered out loud.

"I don't know – I think he's looking for homes."

Hermione jumped up and ran out of the tower.

"Do you think she wants another cat?" asked Ron.

Ginny shook her head. "I think she's getting one for the ferret."

"The ferret? Oh, Malfoy," Ron realized.

"Poor kitty," Ginny mused.

"Maybe not," Ron said hopefully.

When Hermione got to Filch's room, she ran into Tonks, who was cradling the little black boy. "Merlin," the Auror blurted out.

"Pardon?" Hermione blinked, not quite sure what to make of this outburst.

"I'm going to name him Merlin."

Hermione grinned. "You and Snape will both have black cats."

"I couldn't resist a son of Loki's."

Hermione reached down and picked up the little golden striped girl. The kitten meowed and climbed up on her shoulder and nipped her ear.

"Feisty little thing, aren't you? You'll need to be, with Draco as your friend."

"You're giving her to Draco?"

"If he wants her. If not, I'll keep her. Did you know Draco's going away for the summer? He's determined to live in Muggle London by himself."

Tonks paled. "_Draco?_ Living amongst _Muggles_?"

"I couldn't stop him. He's angry and confused."

"Do you know where he went? I'd like to go talk to him."

Hermione shook her head. "I can only assume that he went to pack. Good luck; I hope you can talk some sense into him. He really should stay with Professor Snape.'

Tonks didn't comment. She knew how hurt Severus was by Draco's lack of trust. However, she also understood how damaged Draco had been by all that had happened to him this year. Hermione was absolutely correct; he _was _very confused. He needed a summer in which he could heal.

She realized as soon as she knocked on Severus' door that she wastoo late.

"Draco has gone. He apparently rushed in here right after the funeral, packed up his bags and left. Neither Remus and Minerva have any idea where he went."

She took a deep breath. She knew he wouldn't take this well.

"He told Hermione he would be living in London for the summer."

Snape's heart jerked. "By himself?'

She nodded. "He'll be all right. I think he just wants some time to himself. A lot has happened."

"Draco living amongst Muggles," Severus whispered in disbelief.

* * *

Harry had gone down to the lake. He knew the rest of his classmates were packing, getting ready to return to their homes. How many of them would come back in September, would Hogwarts even be open, how many of them would even still be alive?" Voldemort was growing stronger. His supporters would see the death of Dumbledore as a huge victory. The only thing standing between them and victory was himself. A soon-to-be seventeen-year old wizard with adequate skills and a lot of luck. He felt alienated from everyone around him – he knew thatultimately he would need to do this alone. His friends would be there up to that final moment. He paused – he hoped that they would be there. He didn't know if he could go on if those closest to him perished. He had already lost too many.

"Potter."

He looked up to see Snape standing beside him. He hadn't even heard him approach.

"I need to talk to you," the head of Slytherin said, his voice serious. He sat down beside Harry and stared out at the lake. He remained silent for so long that Harry began to wonder if he would ever say anything.

"You will need to go to the Dursleys until your birthday. After that, you will go to Grimmauld Place," he stated firmly.

"No way. I don't want to set foot in that place again. I want to go to The Burrow. It's the only time I feel at home," Harry protested.

Snape gave a short snort. "Very well. Spend some time with the Weasleys but afterwards you need to go to Grimmauld Place. We…" He hesitated, staring at the lake again. "We have work to do."

Harry realized that the whole time Snape had sat beside him, he hadn't once looked at him.

"What kind of work?" he asked suspiciously.

Snape swallowed heavily. Anxiety rose and he felt himself getting short of breath. How could he tell Harry what the headmaster had told him just before he died? He took a deep, shaky breath and for the first time looked at the young wizard beside him. Lily's son regarded him apprehensively, his green eyes wide, that impossible black hair mussed even more than usual.

"Harry, there is something I haven't told you. Something you need to know. Something that Professor Dumbledore told me just before…" he swallowed heavily again. "He suspected something, and what happened at the chalet I think confirms it."

Harry looked away nervously. As if by breaking eye contact with him, he wouldn't have to hear what he was about to say.

"The suspicion, I suppose, has been there right from the start. The fact thatyou were able to defeat the Dark Lord when you were just a baby. The fact The Sorting Hat would have put you into Slytherin was another clue."

"You know about that?" Harry interjected in amazement.

Snape nodded. "The headmaster told me and then later I saw it during your Occlumency lessons.. When you revealed that you were able to speak Parseltongue we became more concerned. When you started being able to perform the Cruciatus whenever angered , the headmaster started to put the pieces together. When you managed to kill Lestrange with a white light from your eyes the suspicions were confirmed."

"W-what?" Harry stuttered. His heart was beating so rapidly that it felt like it would jump out of his chest.

"We believe that a piece of the Dark Lord entered you when the Killing Curse failed. Your scar is the portal through which it entered. The violence of the curse, combined with the power of your mother's love, caused the Dark Lord's soul to split. He cannot kill you without killing a piece of himself. You cannot kill him because you have half of his soul."

Harry felt ill. He shivered even though the air was warm. "Does he know?" he asked quietly.

"No."

"Was it with the piece of Voldemort's soul that I was able to kill Bellatrix?"

"No; I believe it was because you conquered your anger. If you had succumbed to the darkness in you, you would have cast the Killing Curse. Instead you relied on the love in you. The headmaster always said it was your greatest strength. You desired to protect Draco and the light within you shot out towards Lestrange. Everyone has some good and evil inside of them. Some choose the light, some choose the dark, and others remain grey. You have chosen the light. Someone like Lestrange has chosen the dark; her soul could not withstand the light you directed at her. When there is so much evil it cannot tolerate good and therefore she perished."

Anger rose, along with the shock. "How can I get Voldemort's soul out of my body?" Harry asked.

"There is only one way that I know of." Snape looked at him intently; the black eyes showed sympathy.

"How?" Harry asked impatiently.

"You have to die," Snape said softly. "That's why you have to come to Grimmauld Place, so we can find a solution other than death." His hand reached out and fell onto Harry's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Potter. I would rather not have told you but … enough has been kept from you in the past. You needed to know so we can work on this together."

Harry nodded numbly.

"Come inside now; it's almost time to go," Snape ordered.

He shook his head. "I need a few more minutes."

Snape got up awkwardly, regarding Lily's son with sympathy. He walked back to the castle, his heart heavy. He silently vowed to find a way to help Potter.

Harry sat by the lake in a state of shock. That was what the headmaster had suspected. That was what he hadn't revealed because he wasn't sure yet. He had to die in order for Voldemort to die. Why did _he_ have to be the chosen one?

"Harry?"

He looked up to see Ginny standing there looking concerned. "Are you all right?"

He couldn't tell her; he couldn't tell any of them yet. He had to get used to this first. "I'm fine."

She sat down beside him and took his hand. "It will all be all right."

He sighed. He loved her optimism.

"I have something for you. Something that I hope will make you feel a little better."

She put a small pet carrier on his lap. He looked at her questioningly. Then he looked inside the cage. His breath caught in his throat. There sat a tiny little silvery-white kitten.

"I know she's not Hedwig but she's a little miracle considering her colour. I thought she could keep you company at the Dursleys and then later when you come to The Burrow you could bring her and she could play with her sister, whom I kept."

"Thank you," he murmured hoarsely. "Where did she come from?"

Ginny explained as Harry took the kitten out and played with her. She gently nipped his finger. He laughed, remembering fondly how Hedwig had always done that.

"What are you going to name her?"

"Circe. She was a witch in Greek times, the mistress of potions. Since Snape has been so good to me I think I want to call her that."

He looked into Ginny's brown eyes. What was just a few moments ago one of the lowest points in his life had magically transformed into a moment of hope and happiness. He softly kissed her as she hugged him.

* * *

Later, as the train pulled into King's Cross, he said his goodbyes to them all, fervently hoping thatnothing would happen to them. He was already looking forward to the time he was going to haveat The Burrow.

Ron slapped him on the back, looking more worried than he had ever seen him. Hermione hugged him tightly. He knew she was worried about him as well as Draco, who he had learned had run off to London. Luna calmly looked at him and assured him thathe had help from sources he didn't believe existed. Neville shook his hand anxiously. Ginny firmly clasped his hand and looked at him fiercely. "Everything will work out," she stated without a doubt.

He smiled at his friends, feeling fortunate to have them all in his life. He thought back to the last time he had seen Snape. The potions master hadlooked haunted as he watched Harry leave Hogwarts. The idea that a piece of Voldemort was inside him made him feel nauseous. He shook his head and concentrated instead on the kitten in the carrier as he got on the first bus of many that would take him to the Dursleys. They as usual hadn't bothered to come to pick him up. He wasn't surprised.

Much later, as Harry reluctantly walked from the bus stop towards Privet Drive, a red feather slowly floated in front of his face and landed by his feet. He looked up into the sky but saw nothing. He reached down and picked up the long, soft feather. Circe meowed in her carrier as he stared in wonder at the sky. Was Fawkes nearby? For some odd reason Luna's words directly after the headmaster's death hazily drifted to the front of his mind. "_He vanished in a flash of red_."

Red like a phoenix. He put the feather in his pocket and continued towards Privet Drive. This time his step was just a little lighter and warmth spread through his heart. He would win this battle…somehow.

**_The End_**

* * *

_It's over…it's done! If you decide to review let me know what Ginny and Draco should name their new kitties._

**Sequel:** "Solstice III_" Likely coming sometime late summer. Sectumsempra is used & Snape is horrified, Harry has to kill a friend to save another, Hermione _Apparates_ Draco out of a_ Muggle_ hospital to Grimmauld Place, Harry goes beyond the veil, Draco kills his attacker, Draco takes the Dark Mark, Snape washes his hair._


End file.
